I Am Gay, But I Can't Accept Myself + 同性恋不能接受自己是同性恋 + depressed for being gay (Compiled)

[BlaAnima2]

This is probably my thread about myself, feel free to run away if you dislike

 

I am 30, and never ever have a bf before. I once had a friend who is straight and we are very close and I like him but he said he is not gay and rejected me, but still we are friend until today. He often bring me around in Jakarta and I always imagine to have sex with him.

 

From my past, I wouldn't want to find a partner who I know he is gay. Didn't know whether it is because of my such past, or society has enforced my mind by thinking gay is not good. I myself is gay, it just that unlike others, I can't really accept myself.

 

I can't accept myself having a gay bf, from what I like from a guy, I like them because they are strong, manly and so that I can learn from them, feeling safe and warm. That's why I wrote the comic Story of Bird which probably written from how I feel.

 

I don't want to become gay, and really wish to change, but its not easy. My pride is stepped all over by my father, who when I was a kid, torture me and insulted me in front of my friends, I can't look up with pride and only look down staring on the floor in society. Whenever I walk, I will stare on the floor, and always feel insecure. Probably from there I like a guy who has pride, and I wish to get a bit share of their pride to warm my heart.

 

When I was in Senior High, I play FF8 and the strong looking Squall makes me cry. Dunno why everytime I see a strong guy who can find a girlfriend, I feel glad of him, how strong is him, I wish that i could be him. When I went back to batam recently, my younger brother bring his girlfriend home. They hug each other, and i feel sad, not because that i like my brother, but its because I feel that he is strong and I am weak, how could he get a gf before me, probably thats what I am thinking, and I dunno.

 

My mind is rather complicated. At one hand I like seeing guy and having sex with them, at another hand I will feel guilty and dirty and wish to be my real self. I couldn't accept my self as a gay, and neither will I want to be one.

 

The problems lies here, where I can't accept myself as a gay, so that I cannot find a boyfriend who I know he is a gay. I often fell for straight guy and all of them rejected me because they are straight. Hence I am so lonely and didn't know who I should tell my feeling to, hence I open this thread.

 

Sometimes I am questioning myself, why am I living in the first place. In fact, there is nothing I can't leave behind in this world. My parents, siblings and friends, none of them really understand me, I don't know who can understand me in this world. I want to change my life, but again I ask myself, why would I do it for?

 

I am not living for my parents, not for my siblings or friends. I live to understand myself, until when can I continue my situation? How long can I stay like this? Until I went back to batam, i realize that none of my friends have been living in the past like me. As if I am the only one who can't move on from my sad past. My brother will soon get married, My parent will probably getting old so that they can't give me any attention anymore, my friends are busy with their own life. And I think its time for me to find a person who can share my life with. The only problem would be myself, whether I find a gay bf or become straight?

 

What do you think?

[Guest jolterxtreme]

you cant be straight even if you claim you could, you know you will be intending to destroy another person by taking tt risk.. be it your wife or your unborn kids..... i can relate to you and also assure you tt u are not the only 1 in this world feels like this.... me too.. same shoe as you are... i dont have a direction to take the next step or phase in life...But, I am also certain that to live is not to fulfill the one's desires or goals..from getting a job to married and to have children. If you really wish to seek help, it is good to start searching Christianity faith. Helps resolving ones confusion with good faith and also bring hopes to understand purpose of living in this world.

[HydroNaut]

When I read your thread topic, I thought I am supposed to read more on you and your partner incompatibility. But after reading it, I gather the thread is all about you unable to co me to term with your sexuality and orientation. Think the topic should be "Unable to come to term with my sexual orientation" rather than "I can't accept my Partner".   

[zephyr123]

Just want to say that your life is really what you make out of it. It will be a good and happy life if you make it so. So don't give up and do your best there.

 

I really don't think it's possible to become straight but don't be so harsh on gays (yourself and other people as well). A gay bf can be manly, and strong and be able to protect you as well.

 

=)

[IkuTube]

My pride is stepped all over by my father, who when I was a kid, torture me and insulted me in front of my friends, I can't look up with pride and only look down staring on the floor in society. Whenever I walk, I will stare on the floor, and always feel insecure. Probably from there I like a guy who has pride, and I wish to get a bit share of their pride to warm my heart.

 

What do you think?

 

Let's put the acceptance part ("I can't accept my partner") aside for the time being.

 

What you are experiencing is the effect of complex childhood trauma.  Perhaps, when you were 'tortured', there might be some words that triggered to shatter your sense of security where it made you to feel helpless and vulnerable.  It is common that trauma disrupts the body's natural equilibrium.  It is very likely that this state has put you not to be able to fully accept who you have become.  A child with complex trauma history may have problems in romantic relationships, in friendships and with authority figures.

 

I couldn't accept my self as a gay, and neither will I want to be one.

The problems lies here, where I can't accept myself as a gay

The way towards self acceptance is not to use the words "I cannot accept myself".  Instead, try "I am gay" and see how this can help you to process and evaluate your thoughts and feelings.

 

This therapy is not to admit that you are gay but to get in touch with the trauma related energy and tension.  From here, your higher instinct will take over and slowly it will make you to be in touch with your true self.

 

I don't know who can understand me in this world.

Let's put it this way, as much we think we know about ourselves, we don't.  There are just so many about our own human complexities and beaucracies that lead us not to be able to become aware of our own emotions and thoughts.

 

I want to change my life, but again I ask myself, why would I do it for?

You do it for yourself and no one else! Learn to love yourself. Learn that the world is safe when you can love yourself. Learn to release the trauma that has paralyzed your interpersonal nature and intense emotional perception of 'weaklings' (perhaps, gay in your traumatic definition).

 

Only when you can fall in love with yourself looking at the mirror, nothing else matters.  It is this acceptance that life begins.

 

Give yourself time to heal and to mourn at your past.  However, do not try to force this healing process.  You have to be patient.

[cutejack]

yes ,,u r right..u can't live for others but at the same time comparing with yr younger brother is not right.he has his own life.

juz follow yr heart..only one big problem is, in aj life.settling down with the right partner..not easy as ajs likes to change partner n try their sex activities with new partners,in another words not sincere.whatever,all the best n do let us know of yr final decision n the result.rgds

[Guest Guest]

Firstly, I would recommend you to find some friends from this circle and share your troubles with them...

You have to realize that sexual orientation is not a choice but a gift that we should learn to accept.

You should not be ashamed of who you are.

Just because you love a gender that is similar to yours, you should not feel ashamed, it's not a choice to choose who you want to love,

it's the chemistry and biological effects that occurs naturally in your life.

 

Stop trying to pretend so hard to be someone whom you're not, eventually when you reach 40/50 years old, you will be regretting a life where you didn't experience true love and it's all because of your confusion as to whether or not you should accept your identity as a homosexual.

 

Forget about all your past, they don't matter anymore, cause whatever that happens now will affect you, the mistake from the past will be history, you can never turn back time to correct a previous mistake but you can always alter your future by doing what is right for yourself.

 

Have faith and courage that you'll find the right one..

 

Don't deny yourself the love that you deserve.

 

 

 

 

 

[GachiMuchi]

This is probably my thread about myself, feel free to run away if you dislike

 

I am 30, and never ever have a bf before. I once had a friend who is straight and we are very close and I like him but he said he is not gay and rejected me, but still we are friend until today. He often bring me around in Jakarta and I always imagine to have sex with him.

 

From my past, I wouldn't want to find a partner who I know he is gay. Didn't know whether it is because of my such past, or society has enforced my mind by thinking gay is not good. I myself is gay, it just that unlike others, I can't really accept myself.

 

I can't accept myself having a gay bf, from what I like from a guy, I like them because they are strong, manly and so that I can learn from them, feeling safe and warm. That's why I wrote the comic Story of Bird which probably written from how I feel.

 

I don't want to become gay, and really wish to change, but its not easy. My pride is stepped all over by my father, who when I was a kid, torture me and insulted me in front of my friends, I can't look up with pride and only look down staring on the floor in society. Whenever I walk, I will stare on the floor, and always feel insecure. Probably from there I like a guy who has pride, and I wish to get a bit share of their pride to warm my heart.

 

When I was in Senior High, I play FF8 and the strong looking Squall makes me cry. Dunno why everytime I see a strong guy who can find a girlfriend, I feel glad of him, how strong is him, I wish that i could be him. When I went back to batam recently, my younger brother bring his girlfriend home. They hug each other, and i feel sad, not because that i like my brother, but its because I feel that he is strong and I am weak, how could he get a gf before me, probably thats what I am thinking, and I dunno.

 

My mind is rather complicated. At one hand I like seeing guy and having sex with them, at another hand I will feel guilty and dirty and wish to be my real self. I couldn't accept my self as a gay, and neither will I want to be one.

 

The problems lies here, where I can't accept myself as a gay, so that I cannot find a boyfriend who I know he is a gay. I often fell for straight guy and all of them rejected me because they are straight. Hence I am so lonely and didn't know who I should tell my feeling to, hence I open this thread.

 

Sometimes I am questioning myself, why am I living in the first place. In fact, there is nothing I can't leave behind in this world. My parents, siblings and friends, none of them really understand me, I don't know who can understand me in this world. I want to change my life, but again I ask myself, why would I do it for?

 

I am not living for my parents, not for my siblings or friends. I live to understand myself, until when can I continue my situation? How long can I stay like this? Until I went back to batam, i realize that none of my friends have been living in the past like me. As if I am the only one who can't move on from my sad past. My brother will soon get married, My parent will probably getting old so that they can't give me any attention anymore, my friends are busy with their own life. And I think its time for me to find a person who can share my life with. The only problem would be myself, whether I find a gay bf or become straight?

 

What do you think?

 

1. You are in denial stage, which is why you can't accept yourself for being gay. (See how many times you repeats yourself that you can't accept yourself - in Red)

 

Let me tell you who you are - You ARE GAY!  You admitted it (in Purple), but yet, you keep denying it.

Therefore, until you can accept and face yourself for who you really are, you will be forever beating yourself up by denying yourself.  If you can't even accept yourself, how do you expect people to know who you are?

 

2. You can't move on (in Orange) because you cannot let go of the unhappy past which happened when you were young.  I think you had carried the baggage of your shame and unhappiness for too long. It's eating you up and stopping you from moving on. It's time to let go of the past because it is already something that had past. Moving on means not reliving the past over and over again in your mind and focus on finding your own happiness. You owe it to yourself to find the happiness you want.

 

3. From your post, I guess you must be someone who is soft spoken and shy and maybe even effeminate which is why you are looking for someone who is manly and strong (in Green). I am sure, you can be strong because when you know what that is. Stop living in the past as a that hurt little boy and start behaving like a man that you are now because you are now 30 NOT 12.

 

4. No one can understand you (in Blue) until you are able to accept who you are. You also can't move on until you stop denying yourself that you deserve to be happy like everyone else.

 

10 Things To Stop Caring About If You Want To Be Happier

[leibniz]

I too had bad perception of gay disposition. That changed as I read some profiles and blogs of gay people. It struck me in head that they're just ordinary people living their ordinary life. Some are funny, some depressive, but more importantly they're so humane like me, you and anybody else! I took fancy of them, and what not, I fell for one of them. That was the beginning when I started to see them as a human being, a flawed entity but intricate, and troubled but strong and resilient.

 

Perhaps this could also work for you. Try to know more gay people, through this site, their blogs or maybe in person (?) and understand what's in their head. And please do not judge book by its cover, but read one paragraph or two. I hope after browsing for a while you find the book that you're looking for which is so fucking awesome for you to throw away all the conception that you have about the gay people =)

[Cube3]

Took me over 10 years to come to terms...

[me2]

I agree very strongly, with Gachi's analysis of your situation.

 

1) You are in denial. The very fact that you are posting here means that deep down you know that you are gay. Denying it is causing internal turmoil and conflict. Accept it and

 

2) Move on and you will be happier.

 

No one CHOOSES to be gay. I mean why would anyone in their right mind choose to be unhappy, be branded and potentially be at odds with family and friends? We are what we are and if we stop fighting with ourselves, that will bring us one step to being happier.

 

As Leibniz says, try to get to know more gay people. You will find that gay people come from all walks of live and are quite normal - we have our worries, our issues but also our happiness. As your group of friends expands, so will your ideas and to be sure, your love life.

 

Good luck.

[Only4awhile]

This is probably my thread about myself, feel free to run away if you dislike

 

I am 30, and never ever have a bf before. I once had a friend who is straight and we are very close and I like him but he said he is not gay and rejected me, but still we are friend until today. He often bring me around in Jakarta and I always imagine to have sex with him.

 

From my past, I wouldn't want to find a partner who I know he is gay. Didn't know whether it is because of my such past, or society has enforced my mind by thinking gay is not good. I myself is gay, it just that unlike others, I can't really accept myself.

 

I can't accept myself having a gay bf, from what I like from a guy, I like them because they are strong, manly and so that I can learn from them, feeling safe and warm. That's why I wrote the comic Story of Bird which probably written from how I feel.

 

I don't want to become gay, and really wish to change, but its not easy. My pride is stepped all over by my father, who when I was a kid, torture me and insulted me in front of my friends, I can't look up with pride and only look down staring on the floor in society. Whenever I walk, I will stare on the floor, and always feel insecure. Probably from there I like a guy who has pride, and I wish to get a bit share of their pride to warm my heart.

 

When I was in Senior High, I play FF8 and the strong looking Squall makes me cry. Dunno why everytime I see a strong guy who can find a girlfriend, I feel glad of him, how strong is him, I wish that i could be him. When I went back to batam recently, my younger brother bring his girlfriend home. They hug each other, and i feel sad, not because that i like my brother, but its because I feel that he is strong and I am weak, how could he get a gf before me, probably thats what I am thinking, and I dunno.

 

My mind is rather complicated. At one hand I like seeing guy and having sex with them, at another hand I will feel guilty and dirty and wish to be my real self. I couldn't accept my self as a gay, and neither will I want to be one.

 

The problems lies here, where I can't accept myself as a gay, so that I cannot find a boyfriend who I know he is a gay. I often fell for straight guy and all of them rejected me because they are straight. Hence I am so lonely and didn't know who I should tell my feeling to, hence I open this thread.

 

Sometimes I am questioning myself, why am I living in the first place. In fact, there is nothing I can't leave behind in this world. My parents, siblings and friends, none of them really understand me, I don't know who can understand me in this world. I want to change my life, but again I ask myself, why would I do it for?

 

I am not living for my parents, not for my siblings or friends. I live to understand myself, until when can I continue my situation? How long can I stay like this? Until I went back to batam, i realize that none of my friends have been living in the past like me. As if I am the only one who can't move on from my sad past. My brother will soon get married, My parent will probably getting old so that they can't give me any attention anymore, my friends are busy with their own life. And I think its time for me to find a person who can share my life with. The only problem would be myself, whether I find a gay bf or become straight?

 

What do you think?

What you are going through is not unique as many people have gone through similar experiences before, such as being rejected by someone in the family.

I can totally understand what you mean when you said you looked down on the floor when you were young. We do that when we feel we are being ridiculed.

When we were young, we learn to accept ourselves through acceptance from others. When someone who means a lot to ourselves reject us, we learn to reject ourselves.

So the main issue is not about whether you can accept yourself as gay, but rather whether you can accept yourself for who you are.

Maybe it helps to broaden your perspective about people and life.

First, people who are strong physically may not be strong mentally, emotionally or psychologically. In fact, it may be a form of compensation.

Second, people who reject others are rejecting themselves in one way or another.

Third, even if you are gay, it does not mean you need to have a boyfriend or have sex with a guy.

Fourth, you cannot expect others to understand you when you do not even understand yourself. Ask yourself, what is your purpose in life? If you do not have this answer, how can you expect anyone to answer that for you?

Fifth, life is not just about finding a partner and growing old together. I mean many straights define life as getting married, having children and spending time with grandchildren. What is the true purpose of coming to this world?

What I sense from you is that because of your strong rejection towards self, you will always create situations to allow yourself to feel rejected, so that you can prove to yourself that nobody understands you and everybody rejects you.

Perhaps it's time to look for someone who can help you start the process of looking into yourself and release the pain and the need to punish yourself because of your perceived flaws through the eyes of your father.

Be kind to yourself.

[Guest Guest]

Dear TS,

From my cursory reading of your post, I suspect that you have more problems than your sexual orientation. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think your problem is with your self-esteem and self-worth maybe because of your childhood trauma.

You really need to MAN UP! You can't depend on others for pride and to feel good about yourself. Or you will become an emotion vampire, always sapping positive energy from others. How can you be a good lover and why would people want you when you can't even love yourself and feel good at your present state.

Think of something you are good at! It's does not have to be something great like scaling Mount Everest. It could be something like cooking and baking. Cultivate that skill, take pride in it and share with others. You can only be happy if you are grateful for what you already have and not sorry for something you do not have. Practise gratitude. Instead of feeling sorry that your brother is getting married, be happy for him instead! Be grateful that you are still alive, healthy and your parents are still around.

You said that you admire squall in FF8 game because of his pride. I think you totally misunderstood his character in the game. Squall is a strong character in the outside because he shuts everyone but he's actually a vulnerable character. it's riona who brings out true strength and love from him.

We may not always have someone special to bring out the best in us but we can always cultivate ourselves. Finding a bf does not do anything to help.

I do not know you so i am only making assumptions about you from your post. I urge you to explore these issues at a deeper level or else you are going to face a lot of difficulties in life if you always rely on others to feel good.

[EasleyLim]

This came at an excellent time.

http://www.hpb.gov.sg/HOPPortal/health-article/HPB056342

I think the level of help you need for this is far beyond what we can provide. Some professional level of help might be more appropriate for you.

http://www.oogachaga.com/services

Oogachaga provides counselling services that may be able to help you better.

[Guest Jovin]

Hi TS,

 

Let us put aside whether or not you are straight or gay for a moment. Consider the followings:

 

i) Roses (tangible object)

ii) Passion (intangible message)

When we link them together, they become a "sign" and roses represent passion. In terms of analysis, we cannot confuse the two totally different things, but in terms of human experience, the two become inseparable.

 

So a girl feels happy when she receives roses from her loved one, because passion is intangible, and roses are tangible evidence that she is loved.

 

i) Straight man (tangible)

ii) Manliness (intangible qualities)

 

So often than not we pursue the tangible, in actual fact, what we want is the intangible. Therefore it is sure you cannot accept gay because the representation of the intangible qualities that you pursue are corroded (I am not saying being gay is not manly, it is just the way the two are generally linked up).

 

You want to see yourself as manly and strong, and you want to gain those qualities through relationship with straight men.

 

I would suggest that you take your desire as a clear indication, it is indeed a bright light that shines you a direction:

what you actually want is manliness,

what you actually want is awaken the dormant self in yourself and "BE" that manly man.

 

You will not even be interested in a straight guy if he acts femininely, so put the straight or gay question aside, take that as an indication that life wants you to be a manly person, work on yourself for the moment first.

[fab]

You cant accept yourself as a gay or u cant accept sissy gays since you fancy straight manly men?

 

All your problems can be solved once you become a woman.

[Guest Jovin]

No, if he became woman, he would "love" another woman. Because the problem here is not sexuality, the problem here is bigger, how he views himself as a person.

[FirsTimer]

omg! Final Fantasy! Im a fan too *wide grin*

 

Hope you would read this! Anyway the real issue here is that you want someone to care for you and oftenly it's the guy who does so... thus causing you to be "homo"! Are you actually bi? Cause I actually can crush on either gender.. just that if you go with a guy, he would be in a better position to care on you than a girl.. maybe this is false, cause girls can care welll likewise.. but I still have this preference towards guys... what about you? Similar case?

[nothandsome]

Cant accept then don't accept lo .. As simple as that

[joshTWjosh]

Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm very sure many fellow gays wish they weren't gay also, myself included.

 

You have 2 choices (1) live a discreet, as straight-as-possible life, but don't regret what could have been if you opened up, or (2) lead a gay life, and be accepting of who you are.

 

I.e. choose your path, and don't regret if you choose whichever.

 

Stay strong. It's a common headache amongst my friends too

[ndbt]

u know, I don't think many of the comments help at all. people are just calling him to accept himself, which he can't (yet), and that's doesn't help. its like asking someone suffering from depression to stop being depress. somehow, there's things that will figure it out by itself when the times come. and I can relate to you because a lot of gays out here feel the same. perhaps doing some charity or voluntary work can make u feel better, or put those stuff at the back of your mind for a while.

[Ironrod]

u know, I don't think many of the comments help at all. people are just calling him to accept himself, which he can't (yet), and that's doesn't help. its like asking someone suffering from depression to stop being depress. somehow, there's things that will figure it out by itself when the times come. and I can relate to you because a lot of gays out here feel the same. perhaps doing some charity or voluntary work can make u feel better, or put those stuff at the back of your mind for a while.

 

Sorry, ndbt I disagree with u. He already wasted 30 years of his life denying who he is, it's really time for him to man up and face the facts of life.

 

He says he only like str8 man becos gay man are weak. It shows he hasn't seen the real world, and has been living in his own little "comfort" zone.

 

Unless he looks like a real princess, he can continue to dream of one day his prince will come.

 

Like what GM says he is in denial and he can either man up and face the facts or keep blaming his father, mother, brothers, str8 friends even GOD.

 

You can read Kinsey report if u have question abt sexuality.

 

Nobody is 100% in anything, it's just how "pretty" you are to attract your str8 friends.

[GachiMuchi]

u know, I don't think many of the comments help at all. people are just calling him to accept himself, which he can't (yet), and that's doesn't help. its like asking someone suffering from depression to stop being depress. somehow, there's things that will figure it out by itself when the times come. and I can relate to you because a lot of gays out here feel the same. perhaps doing some charity or voluntary work can make u feel better, or put those stuff at the back of your mind for a while.

ndbt,

 

You are right, none of us can 'make' someone suffering from depression to stop being depressed. Likewise, no one can 'make' TS accept himself just by asking him to accept himself. He has to 'acknowledge' it and walk the path himself, in his own time to accept who he is. What we are offering are 'words of wisdom' of the same 'journey' he has.

 

It took me 10 years of denial to accept myself for who I am at the age of 27. I met a schoolmate of my brother who is a year younger than me in a sauna many years ago.  He only realised and accepted himself in his 40s after he was married, by then he is no longer in his prime.

 

Whatever it is, denial is a bitch and it make me very guilt ridden with the things I do or didn't do during those 10 years. So I really hope those whom are in denial find peace with themselves like me once I had acknowledged who I am and start living a life free of guilt and seek the love I want and companies of friend I can share my experience with, etc.

 

The truth will set you free and only when you are who you are, will you be truly happy.

[Matthiew Lim]

第一次发现自己对好友产生了不一样的好感，我忽视了那个警钟。

一切终究会过去·。我是如此坚信这一切。

 

10年过去，我知道自己错了。

我，不像大家想象地一样正常。

我，并“不正常。”

 

我害怕被发现，害怕被排挤，更害怕看见家人知道之后的表情。

我试着谈场被社会认可的恋爱以融入大众。我错了。

这无知伤害了对方，更伤害了自己。

 

28岁，我一个人。

我害怕伤害另一个人。

 

我问过自己为什么就不能像正常人一样喜欢女生。我没有答案。

就像海水潮起潮落，就像地球环绕太阳旋转，一切本该如此自然，如此正常。

但，我喜欢一个人却让我变得“不正常”。

这让我感到十分困惑。

我不明白我究竟做错了什么。

 

我的家庭并不完整。似乎，我的取向让它更加地不完整。

有时我不禁怀疑起自己。

但那自问自答的游戏始终没有结果。

 

我选择接受自己，但可笑的是我还是偷偷摸摸。

我选择面对真实感受，但可悲的是我还是躲躲藏藏不敢放胆去爱。

 

他，也和我一样“不正常”吗？

两个不完整的人会有一段完整的恋爱吗？

他，在哪里？

 

28岁，我还是一个人。

[Joebottom]

你很正常，可是我們活在一個不正常的世界

同性戀在自然界中是在普通不過的事。

但不知道哪些白痴突然間決定寫了幾本叫可蘭經跟聖經的書，從此就改變了我們這些社交動物的價值觀。有多少的戰爭不是因為宗教而起的？

可能我們活在錯的年代，也許在50年後，新加坡的粉紅孩子們可以光明正大的手牽手共組家庭。我們這一輩，該幫他們爭取。

共勉之!

[GachiMuchi]

何谓“正常”？你跟正常的人有差吗？你被打不是也会痛？你不是也有七情六欲吗？你怎么会不正常呢？只是你性向是喜欢男人而不是女人罢了。
 

你可以改变的的外形，你的打扮，等等。 但是要改变你的本性。。。？

你越早接受你是正常的人越好。只是你喜欢的不是女人而已。

 

何必"作蚕自缚"自己跟自己过不去？比如”右撇子“活在“左撇子”的世界里。

 

如果连你自己多不能接受自己，一直钻牛角尖,那么你就永远活在你自己造成的痛苦里。

你不能改变世界但是你可以尝试去适应你的环境， 你不能改变你自己的倾向你就应当活出你自己的人生。

 

小弟，你还是早点自觉吧。你这样下去是不会有结果的。不要自欺欺人了，竟快”破茧而出“，去找你应有的快乐吧！

 

记住:

1. 自作孽不可活

2. 你還有多少個10年可以活著做你自己？

Edited December 25, 2014 by GachiMuchi

[Guest wozzit]

Since this thread hs been reopened here r my thoughts. Im sorry to be more blunt than many of those who hv responded to the TS. To misquote Shakespeare, it sounds like u protest too much. On the one hand u say - 

 

I once had a friend who is straight and we are very close and I like him but he said he is not gay and rejected me . . . I always imagine to have sex with him.

 

- yet u then add - 

 

 I wouldn't want to find a partner who I know he is gay . . . I can't accept myself having a gay bf . . . I don't want to become gay

 

So u can not accept gay bf, u only want to hv regular sex with straight guys - yet u know they r the forbidden fruit. So knowing that, u hv 3 choices. 

 

1. Accept u r gay n that the only way u will find any kind of happiness is with a fellow gay bf.

 

2. Continue to keep the blindfold over ur eyes n look forlornly for the straight guy who will hv sex with u. But remember one thing. Many guys who r straight in their 20s r actually gay guys living a secret life. What if u find out the straight guy u r in love with is actually gay? Will ur love turn to disgust?

 

3. Forget about sex.

 

At one hand I like seeing guy and having sex with them, at another hand I will feel guilty and dirty and wish to be my real self. I couldn't accept my self as a gay, and neither will I want to be one.

 

Once again u want to convince this little part of the gay world here that u cannot accept urself as gay. Worse, u do not want to b gay. So there u hv ur answer. Look at more straight porn, start to date girls n get guys out of ur mind.

 

I am so lonely and didn't know who I should tell my feeling to

 

Well, if u dont want to be gay, why r u writing on a gay forum? Why not on one of the many straight forums? (If u hv already done so, then my apologies).

 

From my cursory reading of your post, I suspect that you have more problems than your sexual orientation. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think your problem is with your self-esteem and self-worth maybe because of your childhood trauma.

You really need to MAN UP! 

 

Yes, u have to MAN UP! U can go through life thinking about all the "what ifs" and "if onlys" and "why mes", but that just means u end up as a lonely old guy who was never able to make up his mind.

 

But I agree with the Guest. Ur problems with sexuality go deeper than mere disgust about being thought of as gay. U need to seek professional help. Sadly, from all that u have written, I suspect u wont.

Edited December 26, 2014 by wozzit

[leo yok loo]

The worst thing in life is u cannot even accept yourself. If u r unwilling to change, there is no more meaning here.

[Guest Average guy]

All along, I know I am gay but it is only recently that I found out I have negative feelings towards homosexuality. It all started with Caitlyn Jenner saying that she does not support gay marriage even though she is a transexual and wants people to accept her. Then, I realise just how negative I am of homosexuality. Dont get me wrong, I tear up when I see gay marriages on YouTube but it is when I am face to face with someone who is openly gay do I feel disconnected and frankly disgusted. 

 

Just what am I feeling?

[Guest Glyph]

What do you mean by "openly gay"?

 

By this, I am asking if you have any preconceived notion of what being "openly gay" is, because that simply means being a male individual who is attracted to the same gender and isn't afraid of admitting it, nothing more.

 

If we're on the same page here, then don't be too hard up about it. I'm somewhat homophobic too.

[Guest Average guy]

Im okay with effeminate guys. Its only when they person is out do I feel uncomfortable

[cutejack]

Up to individual. Im ok to hold hands in public n its

my wish.nobody is fucking perfect so no one can condemn me.

[potato]

You're fine. There's nothing for you to worry about. Focus on something else other than homosexuality.

[Guest]

It might be your own internalised homophobia. I've dealt with this on a personal basis, where I'm accepting of the homosexual aspect of myself but not of others. Try to put yourself in that person's shoes and maybe you can relate with that openly gay person better. I suspect you're not out yourself? Sometimes it takes a lot of guts and thick-skin to be out and it may be this aspect of the person that you don't necessarily like. Try to hang out with more gay guys? Maybe it'll change

[glowingember]

Dear Average Guy,

 

To identify your feeling towards homosexuality, use the 5 whys and you'll most likely find out the root cause.

 

1st Why.

Why do you have negative feelings towards homosexuality?

[firefight]

do you dislike the high discrimination levels from gays against people who dont look that good, or do you dislike those gays who frequently sleep around, and are very open in looking around to have fun?

[Guest Guest]

You may be disgusted by something that gays and only you that know what you don't like.

[raind]

For me, I am gay and very comfortable with my own sexuality but I am not totally comfortable with public display of male-male affections.

[Guest Teatree]

Im okay with effeminate guys. Its only when they person is out do I feel uncomfortable

 

When that person is out, it means people know he is gay and he feels comfortable and at ease being gay.  So, this make you feel very uncomfortable because you are still hiding inside the closet.  This is psychological. 

[upshot]

All along, I know I am gay but it is only recently that I found out I have negative feelings towards homosexuality. It all started with Caitlyn Jenner saying that she does not support gay marriage even though she is a transexual and wants people to accept her. Then, I realise just how negative I am of homosexuality. Dont get me wrong, I tear up when I see gay marriages on YouTube but it is when I am face to face with someone who is openly gay do I feel disconnected and frankly disgusted. 

 

Just what am I feeling?

 

To steal the title of the 'stupid' novel "50 shades of Grey". To me, there are 50 SHADES OF GREY SEXUALITY and half of those 'shades' are actually categorized as variations of Str8 bordering on sexual indulgences or fetishes though it deviate from plain vanilla sex but STILL is anything but Gay.

 

That is how I see sex more clearly after years of fun with various lovers.

 

For the longest time, I am certain there is such thing as GAY PERSON. But no such thing as GAY SEX as per say. SEX is JUST SEX. It has always puzzled me why a segment of gay folks who argue this point fanatically as their yardstick to judging or justify their comment on someone's action, confusion or unwillingness to admit they are gay when, for example, a person say they are attracted to women but still want sex with a male or a male who like to wear women's clothing and makeup. ( or female if they are lesbian)

 

It seem hard to discuss a sexual situation without it first being pull thru a GAY / STR8 formula filter. Like it has to be one or the other before proceeding to the final answer. Not saying that is wrong, my problem as I see it as we use very black and white definition with no grey areas to loosely explain something that could be class as neither gay sex or str8 sex.

 

I wanted for a while now to write about this when I read certain threads that deals with sexuality issue in some manner. I feel some perspectives are incorrect in their evaluation of a given topic or if proposing an advice, it usually is 'tinted' a gay issue. I hope I am describing it correctly heh. Sorry if anyone misunderstand what i mean.

 

This is open to further input by all. Wanna flame me, stop. I have no time for the usual trolls. I don't want to again be told i write long stories and waste ppl time reading it. Maybe there's a need to clarify the definition of GAY for guys who are not sure of themselves and action. When I define GAY, the last thing i will want to throw into the discussion is SEX.

 

Being gay is more then about SEX.

 

Guys who let someone or an object inside their ass does not mean he is homosexual gay. Same as a guy who may like to dress up in his wife or mother's clothing and put on make up is necessarily gay. Know where I am going with this now?

 

For me, when I come to BW and read all the topics in the forum, how many here also sense that a big portion of the sexual topics and encounter invitation, a lot are actually not for or by gay men? A big portion are actually folks who whether they admit it publicly here or not are actually married or will marry and still do fuck a female at the very least but still looking for some male to male fun.

 

Problem here is, a portion of gay folk are confuse or can't accept there really are a portion of guys they are attracted expect certain sexual acts done to them but rarely reciprocate in any ways back to them.

 

There are people experimenting or using BW to seek out fun to satisfy their sexual fetish or curiosity then we think. It is a fetish outlet they seek more then it is about A GAY PERSON SEEKING SEX.

 

I know it is hard for a gay guy to accept, how can a str8 male touch another man and not be gay? But then look at it from a str8 male point of view, they look at you a gay person having sex with another male.

 

The truth is and this is historically proven, male to male sex is nothing new. Social construct such as religion are what set that rule up that male on male sex is not right. Now if such thing does not happen then why is there a rule for it to begin with? heheh  I google it, you will get a lot more information on male on male sex in history if it interest you to learn more. Sex is just sex. It dose not have to invole this thing call love or logic all the time as you are lead to believe.  As much as we are taught that male on male sex is wrong but as you start to look at the world around you, more and more especially the younger generation are without stigmas and beginning to experiment with that alternative sexuality. But will that mean they can be converted to marry you as a gay man? Maybe. Social pressure will determine that in the future. But to say he is now gay just because you blow or let him fuck you? You are being simplistic.

 

If you are gay, truly gay, your attraction to another guy is more then sex for sure. You want to build a life with them, you are more likely to come out especially so if that society you are living in is very accepting of it, you also have very romantic notions about your guy and he too feel the same way, you both like to spend time together doing other things apart from sex, you discuss at length long term goals...etc. Being gay is a lifestyle just like a str8 too. You do everything similar but just the sex part.

 

I assure you there are many males out there for the sake of a sexual release, sexual experiment, sexual fetish reason will be with a male just for the sex and nothing more. Some will tell you out right. But there are those who will not for fear of not getting more fun from you, too shameful to admit it, too stingy or broke to pay for sex with female so a male still ok...etc. I think there are a lot less real gay folks about then we think.

 

Anyone feel the same way as i see it? I can name you many instances I have come across such guys. For example, the taxi drivers I have encountered at CBP who drive there to look for a quick suck or fuck, all those I know and had fun with are all str8. even some of the guys who walk about looking for fuck, majority are str8.. not even bisexual but purely str8.

 

To be fair, Average guy, Caitlin Jenner, that bastard's not supporting Gay Marriage is due mainly to his political stance as a long time staunch REPUBLICAN party member. That party is for religion and are not for gay rights. You also have to know he is NOT going to have a sex change. He still want to have sex with women only. He is just another part of the 50 shades of SEXUALITY and not truly 100% gay person.

Average guy, don't start to 'pigeon hole' yourself to one kind of sexual group or what ever you think you should be "categorized" if you are comfortable with who you are, doing what you like then you see nothing wrong with it. Everyone seem to want to tell you that you are 'with them' so act like this way or that way. Be on your own side not for the sake of the others. If you have no reason as to why you are like that? Well if you are okay with it, carry on being you. Others pressuring you to choose or is it you pressuring yourself?

 

 

Here's are some fun thoughts for all to think about:

 

A man rapes a boy and a girl. You think he is gay or he just is a sick bastard who gets a perverse thrill over hurting child? 

 

In a prison. You think all the guys who rape other men in there are gay? Or a show of superior power over lesser males? There are many more examples of sexual preferences out there if you google it. And many even if it involves a male does not mean he is gay.

 

There are some man married to their wives who ask their wife to use a dildo on them as part of their sexual activities. You deem him gay?

 

Back in the days, NS boys hang around Changi Village to get pick up by drag queen for sex. Or even pay as they were cheaper then Geylang girls for sex. You call them gay?

 

A guy you pick up, let you suck him but will not touch you and when you undress will not touch your genital or other parts of your body. Will dress up and leave after he cum. You think he is gay?

 

I know of guys I have sex with for years who not only fucks me but let me fuck them and we 69..etc but they are married. So they are gay? Or somethings in the grey shade?

 

Some guy wo ask you to meet him at home where he will open his leg and ask you to smoke and use his asshole gapped open as an ashtray but make no mention of any sex with him. You think he is gay coming to BW to seek out people?

 

Some of the stuff I read what the TOPS want to do to the BTM here and to fuck them this way and that way and expect full service by btm to them. Many are just str8 who have no problem fucking another male as he feel more superior over you who willing to let him use you. They are not really GAY tops most of them.

 

Gay is about being Gay as a lifestyle. Sex is just Sex and should never be confuse as part of the Gay discussion as a person. The label used needs to be properly defined and not just any how throw it about. It's not good for anyone's well being and it certainly is not good for the Gay movement.

 

Input?  heh

Edited September 24, 2015 by upshot

[EasleyLim]

Im okay with effeminate guys. Its only when they person is out do I feel uncomfortable

Which part of them being "out" does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Legit qns.

[SeannyShortcake]

All along, I know I am gay but it is only recently that I found out I have negative feelings towards homosexuality. It all started with Caitlyn Jenner saying that she does not support gay marriage even though she is a transexual and wants people to accept her. Then, I realise just how negative I am of homosexuality. Dont get me wrong, I tear up when I see gay marriages on YouTube but it is when I am face to face with someone who is openly gay do I feel disconnected and frankly disgusted. 

 

Just what am I feeling?

 

You mean you have issues with common behavioral traits displayed by gay men.

 

But don't be a walking contradiction. If you can't accept the community, you're not gonna find any love here. (not romantic love but I mean care and concern from other members)

 

Maybe you're okay with that.

[Guest Guest]

Frankly, you sound like one of those church nutcases who advocates gays must abstain and act straight and all that rubbish.

[MadMan]

May I ask if you are a practicing gay or just know that deep down inside you're attracted to the same sex. And may I also ask if you have been brought up in a strict conservative or religious environment? I dare say you are probably still closeted and fighting an internal demon to come to terms with your own sexuality.

[lourdes]

.

Edited January 19, 2016 by lourdes

[Guest Guest]

Just a honest question, were you molested by a male adult when you were young? Just curious about your perculiar thoughts about gays, that they can be effeminate but musn't be categorically and unequivocally homosexual. It's the sex part that you cannot accept it seems, but not gay people themselves.

[Guest Guest]

Knew a Tomboy female classmate. She is strong, generally lookdown on woman. She believe she should be born a man.

 

But when finally she found a man who married and fucked her, she is now a normal wife and mother.

[snowball]

whatever makes you happy, most important is, always be honest and true to yourself.

Edited September 25, 2015 by snowball

[Guest Average guy]

Hmm good questions. I did grow up in a conservative family and I do not have any religious affiliation. I was not molested LOL. I am actually in a happy relationship with a guy but we are both try to be very straight acting. 

 

Its actually kinda weird. If somebody ask do i support homosexuality, i would say yes in a heartbeat. If you don't mention your sexuality, i actually really do not care and see you as straight/gay/whatever. So in that sense i hang out quite well with effeminate guys. It is only when the person explicitly says i am gay do i feel very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with what exactly, i have yet to find out. 

 

Just wondering, do you guys feel that sometimes? Like when a person comes out and deep down you're like, oh guess we shouldn't be friends anymore kinda thing.

 

Perhaps it is indeed psychological as what teatree mentioned.

 

 

[Andrew ang525]

Yes, i have a lot of self-hate, and i am deeply depressed.

 

Due to poor financial state, where can i get help?