Discussion on Married Gay Men (有妇之夫) Whom Hv Gay Sex + An Open Letter to Married Men + Married men's stress & struggles (compiled)

[MarriedTop]

Hi Delon, thks for your post. I do appreciate it. And you have somewhat hit the nail on the head. As I mentioned earlier, I thought I am only physically attracted to guys, but true the years, I begin to realise I can and have emotional connection with a guy.

BUT,

Since I am married, I cannot be so selfish. Because it will be so unfair to the other party. He has no good ending with me and I do not want to ruin his life because of me. He deserved better than that. He deserved to have someone who can spend the rest of his life with him, instead of me. Tat is why, if I meet up with anyone, I make it a point to let them know I am married. So mostly are just friends now. Some don't even bother to keep in contact.

Yet as confusing as it may be, still deep deep deep down inside me, I hope to have a guy who is willing to take this kind of "crap" and be with me. But it can only remain as a dream. Even if there is one, I am not sure if I want to accept it for his sake.

You just spelled out my thought. To avoid any misunderstanding, I make myself my clear on my status that I am married (you can tell from my nick).

This help to prevent other party from getting hurt and also at the same time stopping me getting someone who like me and develop futher.

I am fortunely to meet one Pinoy in sauna that we have feeling for each other and we are thinking/working to develop further (we are distanced apart). Stay tuned... really thinking of settling down who cherish me insteading of regular man hunting activities

[archangelbynight]

Hi everyone. I'm bi married 42, 186, 98. I have read most of your posts and I think we should form a group.

It would be beneficial especially if it's an activity group where everyone can do 'normal married manly' stuff in public and as for sex, we can always branch off with another 'outing' from there.

Personally, I'm a sea-loving person. I love fishing and have found some nice places for group overnight stays at scenic isolated locations I Singapore. Anyone wanna do an overnight BBQ cum fishing trip?

[archangelbynight]

To be more precise, I'd like to go for an overnight trip to sister's island for BBQ, tanning, fishing...etc. The reason for sisters idland is because i love the sea and its peaceful so no one will disturb us. Any married bi guys wanna go? I'm looking for a group of 8 at least. Max 12.

[GymStock]

Hi archanglebynight, welcome to the group. Thks for offering the overnight BBQ activity, but definitely not for me. Don't have the patience for fishing, and can't really stay overnight.

[GymStock]

Just trying it out here, maybe we have a gathering for coffee during of the the weekday evenings, if any bimarried guys are willing to meet, please PM me. Preferably u have contributed to the thread in one way or another.

It is just a gathering over a drink or coffee or dinner. It is NOT for fun. Pls come with this in mind.

Edited June 17, 2012 by GymStock

[Cosmo guy]

Hi Gymstock

Thanks for the idea, sounds interesting to me , i like to join , but i am single and bi guy

Although i am single, i am very discreet and in closeted

[Cosmo guy]

To be more precise, I'd like to go for an overnight trip to sister's island for BBQ, tanning, fishing...etc. The reason for sisters idland is because i love the sea and its peaceful so no one will disturb us. Any married bi guys wanna go? I'm looking for a group of 8 at least. Max 12.

is there any accommodation in sister island ? or you are referring to camping

[kee_hsiao]

Personally, I'm a sea-loving person. I love fishing and have found some nice places for group overnight stays at scenic isolated locations I Singapore. Anyone wanna do an overnight BBQ cum fishing trip?

fishing....... zzzzzzzzz... I always wonder how u guys have the patience to sit and wait for the fish to catch the bait! 佩服!

[Cosmo guy]

fishing....... zzzzzzzzz... I always wonder how u guys have the patience to sit and wait for the fish to catch the bait! 佩服!

I also dont have that passion, so lets those like fishing to enjoy their hobby, while the rest can "do" other activity

[huntshare]

Just trying it out here, maybe we have a gathering for coffee during of the the weekday evenings, if any bimarried guys are willing to meet, please PM me. Preferably u have contributed to the thread in one way or another.

It is just a gathering over a drink or coffee or dinner. It is NOT for fun. Pls come with this in mind.

[archangelbynight]

Nope. Camping at sisters island. I'm actually looking forward to some nude tanning n skinny dipping as well. Maybe a day trip to another island that's quite deserted for a start. Anyone keen?

[archangelbynight]

Hi gymstock! Thanks for the welcome. Coffee? Not much of a coffee drinker but meet up....sure! Why not!

[Stocky40]

Guys,

I have been married for 20 yrs, with 3 beautiful kids. My son is 18 and my 2 younger ones in their early teens. Am in my mid 40s and love my wife n kids dearly. It is totally possible to have a healthy happy family as long as you find the right male buddy/friend to be your discreet soulmate, with or without the physicality, and ideally he too is happily married. Email me at johnteoh12@gmail.com.

[tanw2540]

hi

any married guys keen to have a long term friendship? We can meet up for meals, drinks or movies. Can also go do some sports together.

please PM or email me @ tanw2540@hotmail.com and we can start our friendship from there.

[btm_dude]

Well archangel's idea is good but sadly it doesn't work for most of us here, u know since we are married. But I like the idea of meeting in weekdays evening... My weekends are for fam... So count me in!

[azimuth]

It's surprising to hear the struggles of married men here. I guess it's not all gloom and doom for married men. At least you guys found a soul mate who is willing to accompany you for the rest of your life. For most AJs, I believe that is something harder to achieve (though not impossible) since most people are just out there for the flesh and not the heart.

[Cosmo guy]

Nope. Camping at sisters island. I'm actually looking forward to some nude tanning n skinny dipping as well. Maybe a day trip to another island that's quite deserted for a start. Anyone keen?

i am keen, but its better met up for drinks first, before move the next step

[Cosmo guy]

It's surprising to hear the struggles of married men here. I guess it's not all gloom and doom for married men. At least you guys found a soul mate who is willing to accompany you for the rest of your life. For most AJs, I believe that is something harder to achieve (though not impossible) since most people are just out there for the flesh and not the heart.

quite true, but its the reality , most of the guys after chat , will ask picture, which that's mean the person already concern about the looks

If you are looking for friendship, why need to worry about the looks , and the worst part is always the not good looking guy always worry about the other people looks

Same as in the straight life as well, I know few girls in dating website, and they are average or below average looks and expecting handsome man

[bicurioussg]

Nice to see so many chaps here in similar predicaments.

Thanks again to Gymstock for putting the thread together.

[kee_hsiao]

quite true, but its the reality , most of the guys after chat , will ask picture, which that's mean the person already concern about the looks

If you are looking for friendship, why need to worry about the looks , and the worst part is always the not good looking guy always worry about the other people looks

Same as in the straight life as well, I know few girls in dating website, and they are average or below average looks and expecting handsome man

well... that's life...

[GymStock]

hi guys, hope you all are well, sorry for the late responses or silence, cos was travelling for work, thus don't have much time to come online here. Well if there are anymore married guys out there who is interested to join the outing (trying to organise now), please PM me.

Requirements

- Married or going to get married soon.

- Need to have LINE (so to make communication easier). Please give me your LINE ID when you PM me for the outing.

- No age limit, no size or shape limit.

- A meet up session is NOT for sex. Please do not come with that intention at all.

Thanks

[Cosmo guy]

Good luck for the gathering , i am not qualified to join ;(

[latterlim]

Since I am married, I cannot be so selfish. Because it will be so unfair to the other party. He has no good ending with me and I do not want to ruin his life because of me. He deserved better than that. He deserved to have someone who can spend the rest of his life with him, instead of me. Tat is why, if I meet up with anyone, I make it a point to let them know I am married. So mostly are just friends now. Some don't even bother to keep in contact.

Yet as confusing as it may be, still deep deep deep down inside me, I hope to have a guy who is willing to take this kind of "crap" and be with me. But it can only remain as a dream. Even if there is one, I am not sure if I want to accept it for his sake.

Edited June 21, 2012 by latterlim

[latterlim]

GymStock. This is well said. But what if you really find that guy who's willing to take that "crap"? What if you really found someone who is willing to accept you. Will you make the jump? Will I?

I'm in precisely that situation. I'm married and with kids. Didn't know why I got married in the first place. Perhaps it's the only way I know how a relationship works then. Yes, I'd probably heard about gays and lesbians. But it's never occurred to me that it's condoned and ever possible. At least it's the least I thought I am. But I do remember that I fancy guys more than girls. And I'd thought myself weird for being different from my other guy friends. I myself couldn't accept that I liked guys. Thus, I adapted. With time and practice, I brought myself to notice girls. Talk more manly. Do as men does. Dated, and finally got married.

Well, married life was great initially! I loved the woman. She provided me the company. She provided me joy and care. A partner to talk to and share the nights. A person to make plans with on the future. And soon, kids too.

But all along, I still fancy guys. Just like when I was young, it's normally the guys that turn my heads rather than girls. In office, on the streets, on TV, and in the net. Obviously, the Internet changed everyone's lives. Mine included. And probably in a way I did not expect. I began to know more about gays. I'm still closeted of course. But I sort of acceptable more of the gay (or bi) side of me. I began to wonder, and then to search, and then to explore. That's where I found gay friends and then gay relationships. and then I found him. The most amazing part of my life existed because of him. He loves me and accepts me. I love him back and want him so much! I think of him day and night. I want to hold him all the time. You bet, it's been 3yrs now and I still do feel that same way. He still makes me wanna leave everything behind, and be with him. I've serious thoughts about doing so. He's actually the one bringing sense to me. Telling me to reconsider for the sake of my family. Yea, indeed, for 3yrs, he's been doing that.

So, back to my question. Would you sacrifice your "crap" for him? I want to. But will I? I want to. But when will I?

I wish I was born a pure gay instead.

Edited June 21, 2012 by latterlim

[latterlim]

*** Deleted. Duplicated posts. ***

Edited June 21, 2012 by latterlim

[meinanzi]

feel like sucking for a married guy, kinda kinky thought...

[kee_hsiao]

Hi latterlim, I guess you are lucky to really find one who is willing to live in the shadows... in your shadows rather. He truly loves you.

Treasure him dearly for I'm sure not many married bi here can find someone like him. =)

[GymStock]

Hi latterlim, I envy you. I think most sincere gay/bi married guys will envy u. Haha.

I really don't know if I would accept it if such a guy comes along. I would be happy and glad but I think there will be many factors in deciding whether to accept it or not.

Just curious, how exactly do you split ur time between your work, family and him? This is the main factor, because as it is, I don't hv much time for my family and work, much less another party to share my time with.

Hope to hear from u soon.

[kee_hsiao]

Just curious, how exactly do you split ur time between your work, family and him? This is the main factor, because as it is, I don't hv much time for my family and work, much less another party to share my time with.

was also thinking about this too! how siol? share with us your time mgmt plans!

[btm_dude]

Haha seems like everyone here wanna have this time management skill and get ready for a rela... Well I'm curious to know too cos I'm so occupied by fam and work already. I don't even have time for my friends.(Mabybe cos I'm still in the process of building a stable fam).

But latterlim, ur bf is right. And he really cares for u too. Even though I've not been in a gay rela before but try thinking, will u nv nv look back and regret? Will u wanna see how ur child and wife is like when they've grown up and old in the future? Have u tot about how incomplete and unfair their life will be living w.o a father? When u have a fam, its not just about u and ur desire. U should know this before u start a fam.

Haha anw, just sharing, I've watch a gay movie named 'I love philip morris' casting jim carey. It talks about how a bi gave up his fam cos of a gay he love. Haha guess I can nv do that.

[delon]

GymStock. This is well said. But what if you really find that guy who's willing to take that "crap"? What if you really found someone who is willing to accept you. Will you make the jump? Will I?

I'm in precisely that situation. I'm married and with kids. Didn't know why I got married in the first place. Perhaps it's the only way I know how a relationship works then. Yes, I'd probably heard about gays and lesbians. But it's never occurred to me that it's condoned and ever possible. At least it's the least I thought I am. But I do remember that I fancy guys more than girls. And I'd thought myself weird for being different from my other guy friends. I myself couldn't accept that I liked guys. Thus, I adapted. With time and practice, I brought myself to notice girls. Talk more manly. Do as men does. Dated, and finally got married.

Well, married life was great initially! I loved the woman. She provided me the company. She provided me joy and care. A partner to talk to and share the nights. A person to make plans with on the future. And soon, kids too.

But all along, I still fancy guys. Just like when I was young, it's normally the guys that turn my heads rather than girls. In office, on the streets, on TV, and in the net. Obviously, the Internet changed everyone's lives. Mine included. And probably in a way I did not expect. I began to know more about gays. I'm still closeted of course. But I sort of acceptable more of the gay (or bi) side of me. I began to wonder, and then to search, and then to explore. That's where I found gay friends and then gay relationships. and then I found him. The most amazing part of my life existed because of him. He loves me and accepts me. I love him back and want him so much! I think of him day and night. I want to hold him all the time. You bet, it's been 3yrs now and I still do feel that same way. He still makes me wanna leave everything behind, and be with him. I've serious thoughts about doing so. He's actually the one bringing sense to me. Telling me to reconsider for the sake of my family. Yea, indeed, for 3yrs, he's been doing that.

So, back to my question. Would you sacrifice your "crap" for him? I want to. But will I? I want to. But when will I?

I wish I was born a pure gay instead.

He loves u n doesn't wan u 2 leave ur family 4 n bcos of him. The guilt of being responsible 4 breaking up someone's family would be hard 4 some 2 bear. So cherish him 4 his big heart n generosity.

[GymStock]

Totally agree with felon on that. Cherish him and be good to him. I wish my guy will come soon one of these days... But guess need to find a good time management plan. Haha.

[btm_dude]

Ya, and tt guy need to compromise to ur commitment as well... U wish to find someone alike or just anyone?

[GymStock]

What do u mean btmboi? Sorry dun quite understand your questions.

[asianguy]

Anyone in jurong need a bj now. I have place.

[Xxqtive]

Anyone in jurong need a bj now. I have place.

Asianguy, please refrain from posting the same ad across multiple threads at the same time especially when your personal ad is irrelevant to the thread of discussion.

Thank you.

[Guest tan hock gin]

Haha..that is funny.

I read all your post with empathy. I'm married but mine situation is a little different. I love women and I love sex. Problem was when you are married with children, the sex goes out the window. i end having to look for sex. Started w massage sex w women and happen to by chance was intro to gay sex. I am so desperate that I resorted to gay massage and now for sex w males, too. I dun love guys the way some brothers do but I crave the sex and intimacy with another human.

Right now I am confuse...should I divorce her and start a new or stay on because of the kids. We are on very different wavelengths that we always end up arguing. I know this should be on some Aunt Agony page but I am hoping if someone who had gone thru my experience can advice. Thanks and this is a great forum.

[spermy]

Married here too... 33chn 177 59kg saying hello...

[kee_hsiao]

Right now I am confuse...should I divorce her and start a new or stay on because of the kids. We are on very different wavelengths that we always end up arguing. I know this should be on some Aunt Agony page but I am hoping if someone who had gone thru my experience can advice. Thanks and this is a great forum.

Actually, with the kids on board, many stuff will probably have to be put on hold. Divorce is a painful process, not only for the parents but also the children. They will need to endure alot of unnecessary stress. Struggles... Bullied... Attitude changes...

I do hope that you consider your options. Divorce is really not the way to go when you already have children...

[Guest tan hock gin]

Thanks Kee Hsiao for your advice.

Divorce is the last option.

But I cant go on living like this. Now I do stuff and volunteer just to get away. How ironic.

I thank the person (i dun know what to call him...lover? bf? gigolo?) for being there when I need release. But this is crazy and dangerous. (As I get older I tend to get kind of less adventurous).

[GymStock]

Haha..that is funny. I read all your post with empathy. I'm married but mine situation is a little different. I love women and I love sex. Problem was when you are married with children, the sex goes out the window. i end having to look for sex. Started w massage sex w women and happen to by chance was intro to gay sex. I am so desperate that I resorted to gay massage and now for sex w males, too. I dun love guys the way some brothers do but I crave the sex and intimacy with another human. Right now I am confuse...should I divorce her and start a new or stay on because of the kids. We are on very different wavelengths that we always end up arguing. I know this should be on some Aunt Agony page but I am hoping if someone who had gone thru my experience can advice. Thanks and this is a great forum.

Thanks Kee Hsiao for your advice. Divorce is the last option. But I cant go on living like this. Now I do stuff and volunteer just to get away. How ironic. I thank the person (i dun know what to call him...lover? bf? gigolo?) for being there when I need release. But this is crazy and dangerous. (As I get older I tend to get kind of less adventurous).

Hi Hock Gin,

You didn't mentioned how old your kids are and how many do you have.

As what kee_hsiao said, divorce should be a very last option. But this is how I see your situation...

You love woman. You were intro to gay sex by chance. You accepted gay sex because you were "desperate" for sex and intimacy with a human (as you have said it). As such, you never had any feelings for guys (be it emotionally or physically) to begin with. Thus that does not make you gay. At most you were an unaware Bi.

I am afraid that once you divorce your wife and going through all the pain and caused all the hurt to your family... and when the dust settles... you may regret the move to divorce her. Because ultimately, you have loved her before, you 'stopped' loving her because there were no more sex in your marriage life.

Honestly, there is still hope for you and your wife. Be man enough to share with her your need for sex with her. Go for family/couples counseling and enrichment seminars. There is still hope for you so long as you and your wife realised that there is a problem area and it is something that you both can work it out and resolved it.

Divorce is the last option, but it is the easy way out that most have chosen, instead of working it out. IT may seems easy but the hurt/damage that comes with it goes a long long way. I know because I was from a broken family. The hurt till this day still lingers in the family.

Hope this will help you in some ways.

[archangelbynight]

Gymstock....I concur....

A brilliant piece of advice.

Do not fight nature.

Then again, do not walk down another path just because u think the path u r on is a dead end...coz most likely it's not. With work, kids and other pressures, sex in marriage tends to take a back seat and all that...after quite a few years at that. Find another way to rekindle that fire.

If u figure that u r bi and there's no way u r going to deny it, find someone who is also married who can understand u to hang out with. That might help....

Just my humble one or two cents worth coming from another on the same boat lol

[Guest tan hock gin]

To gymstock and archangel,

Thank you for your invaluable advice.

I do not see myself divorcing in the near future but life seems so meaningless and mundane when your spouse is not on the same wavelength.

Again, thank you.

[Peace56]

@ Azorious, I have been stuck in it for 11years and running.

Yes, I am sexually attracted to guys more than girls, ever since in my early teens. But due to family's upbringing, religious views, being gay is a big taboo. Back then, I always think that something is very wrong with me to have such feeling. So I was in denial. Despite the physical attractions never go away. Also, at that time, we do not have internet. I grew up when our computers were still the green monochrome, so needless to say about internet.

Internet and computer became popular when I was 25. Even then, I continue to be in denial because of my family and upbringing. Thinking that it will go away someday. To make the matter worst, someone very influential in my life make a remark that such feeling for guys will go away or when we get married.

I was in and out of 2-3 r/s with ladies, though I am not exactly sexually attracted to them, but i do get emotionally attracted to them. When I finally met my wife whom I thought she can be my soulmate, I thought, finally I can be free. But how wrong can I be. By then it was too late for me to turn back the clock and undo what has already happened.

So I got married is not because I have no guts (as someone would say in another thread) to be what I am, but I am purely misguided, because then there is no such resource as internet for me to find out. There isn't even any gay bars or saunas then.

If I am a gay and I still choose to marry, then yes, I am gutless. But I am bi, that is why I got married given the situation and the circumstances around me then. Sometimes I also say that, I am a bi that is sexually attracted to men but can never be emotionally attracted to a guy. But it seems to be not the case recently. Anyway, If I have the resources of what it available now, I will probably chosen to be gay instead.

Well, I have shared my story. Anyone else want to share theirs?

[Peace56]

@ Azorious, I have been stuck in it for 11years and running.

Yes, I am sexually attracted to guys more than girls, ever since in my early teens. But due to family's upbringing, religious views, being gay is a big taboo. Back then, I always think that something is very wrong with me to have such feeling. So I was in denial. Despite the physical attractions never go away. Also, at that time, we do not have internet. I grew up when our computers were still the green monochrome, so needless to say about internet.

Internet and computer became popular when I was 25. Even then, I continue to be in denial because of my family and upbringing. Thinking that it will go away someday. To make the matter worst, someone very influential in my life make a remark that such feeling for guys will go away or when we get married.

I was in and out of 2-3 r/s with ladies, though I am not exactly sexually attracted to them, but i do get emotionally attracted to them. When I finally met my wife whom I thought she can be my soulmate, I thought, finally I can be free. But how wrong can I be. By then it was too late for me to turn back the clock and undo what has already happened.

So I got married is not because I have no guts (as someone would say in another thread) to be what I am, but I am purely misguided, because then there is no such resource as internet for me to find out. There isn't even any gay bars or saunas then.

If I am a gay and I still choose to marry, then yes, I am gutless. But I am bi, that is why I got married given the situation and the circumstances around me then. Sometimes I also say that, I am a bi that is sexually attracted to men but can never be emotionally attracted to a guy. But it seems to be not the case recently. Anyway, If I have the resources of what it available now, I will probably chosen to be gay instead.

Well, I have shared my story. Anyone else want to share theirs?

[Peace56]

I share ur sentiments

[GymStock]

Hi Peace56, welcome to this thread. please feel free to share your journey in here.

[btm_dude]

Hock gin,

There are sure to have ups and downs in life and in ur relationship with ur wife. I don't know what's ur situration like. But its not right to give up whenever u face difficulties. Just discuss with ur wife and pull it through together. Almost all couples will go through this stage. We argue bcos we're really concern bout each others!

And the urge for intimacy, it can nv be fulfilled. No matter how naughty or wild the things u tried. Trust me, u'll def regret leaving ur fam for this. Like said, just find some friends whom u can share ur wildness with.. Or share just anything in life. This can help in a certain extend...

[latterlim]

GymStock, Kee-siao, btmboi, delon. Sorry guys, for I've not been able to respond til now.

I guess there's no time management plan to follow. The only way this relationship could have lasted til now, in it's current form, I think is really down to my Hubby. (Yes, I call him Hubby. As there's no man or woman whom I've Loved more now!) But do not see him as a Saint. There are certainly times we are both unhappy due to time clashes and the consequent inability to meet. That being said, he's still the one that keeps telling me, reminding me, emphasizing to me, the damages and hurt that will be brought upon my family if I were to divorce. That is, eventhough I know he really wants to spend as much time with me, as I would have liked too. Eventhough, we talk and dream about our future. Our home, our days and nights spent together, our fantasies realized! I know he wants me to be with him, as do I. But he's always of such a sound mind, sounder than mine, warning me of the dangers a divorce could cause. And then I'm confused.

Yes, I realize the hurt and damage. Yes, I know that my life could never be the same. Yes, I know that even my Hubby's life could be affected. But, what can I do? A trapped man, imprisoned in his own cell. He wants to breakout! But how?

Is there a better alternative? ...

[btm_dude]

Sorry to say but there isn't anything much u can do. Ur hubby should know from the first day the sharing of ur time is unavoidable and must compromise to that.

Other than seeing this difficulties in a different and more open way, there isn't much u can do less the big move.