How to tackle difficult people and survive in workplace and daily life? (compiled)

[Guest Guest]

I have this colleague who really knows how to pretend to be hardworking and helpful in front of senior and supervisor. but without them around he is totally a different person. He always work slowly and talk alot and thats why he works very little. There's alot more but you get what I meant. somemore, he always start to work late but I start early and finish early. and really damned tired so I just wrap things out and just doing tiny mini things till knock off time. but when supervisor came in, is as though he is doing all the things while I just relax.

 

but I don't want to or cant bring myself to pretend like him just to show how hardworking you are. I tell myself I dont care about it. just be myself.

 

but sometimes felt imbalance in my mind. How can I tackle this kind of things in workplace?

[upshot]

To be fair, jusr cause you came across one of this situation in your work place does not mean long term, he/she gets away with it. Plus you are generalizing that all work place are like that or you only assume they are almost all like that. Companies that are efficient and mean business will have KPI in place or have management style that will keep an eye on everyone but of course there will be companies like that they slack or are too complacent till something happens.

 

So... you want to think you too should be like this? Monkey see Monkey do? The fact that you spot something like this show you are different and maybe have better potential in your career than people like that. You start to act like that person and overtime you start to pick up bad habit that will harm you and then you find yourself being totally like that person and worst... get caught. what they do it their problem. You should be more worry about your own life, career prospect and if anything you get from this is who this company works. And see if you think this company is worth staying if it allows such things to happen. This kind of company has pretty bad prospect on so many levels. Even if it does not fail for the owners but you as a staff will have a bad reputation that follows you.

 

If you have good working values.... then good for you.. keep it up. Remember as especially if you are young... just because you see this happen in a small area of where you are every does not mean it is rampantly happening every where. So keep to your standards.

[Guest Lobster]

It has been 3 months since I got a job and I'm having difficulty fitting in. Since this is my first job, I didn't know that working with oher people will be that stressful. Too much politics and backstabbing to be recognize by the bosses and get commission from sales. They are also gossiping about me being gay. Yes, I'm effeminate but still in the closet. That is also a burden. I'm wondering if there is any work that don't hve any stress.

[bigdanbeam]

Welcome to the real world

 

And you are probably seeing only the basics

 

 

[Guest Guest]

It depends on the company culture and your attitude towards other people too. Not all the people in my company like me, but I do have many good friends. Join them for lunch regularly to develop relationship. About promotion and recognition, you should also consider your job performance and how you present your work. I am the type that always come late and leave early, but I finish my work and people know they can count on me when they need. I always get stares when I come late, or leave early but I don't care. I also like to argue with my boss and my boss' boss but I am the first to get promoted in my batch. Bottom line, you need to see whether you are presenting your work correctly, whether you have completed the tasks in the required manners, whether you are communicating effectively. If you do, then don't be affected by other people's style. Your promotion will come soon. 

[Guest Reality stinks]

Its all politics and being street smart.

 

Unless you are the boss or related to the boss, it is survival of the fittest. You need to watch the reality show Survivor,  where a group of people are placed on a stranded island to fend for themselves and the winner takes a million dollars. It doesn't apply to every situation but it is almost the same situation, a group of people placed in an enclosed area to work and the winner gets the promotion.

[Guest Hmm]

2 hours ago, Guest Lobster said:

It has been 3 months since I got a job and I'm having difficulty fitting in. Since this is my first job, I didn't know that working with oher people will be that stressful. Too much politics and backstabbing to be recognize by the bosses and get commission from sales. They are also gossiping about me being gay. Yes, I'm effeminate but still in the closet. That is also a burden. I'm wondering if there is any work that don't hve any stress.

Find allies, being alone will not help and you will always be targetted.

[Guest Same Same]

If you cant beat the crowd, join the crowd

[Guest Guest]

Gossips and talk nonsense on what's app  like an old aunty ,be as  lazy as possible , like go for frequent toilet and long  snoking breaks , back stabbing others , take frequent mc , carry balls , etc .... all these will let you survive long enough ...the consequence is no body will have time to visit you when you are ill or in hospitals , or attend your funeral  , they will celebrate and party during your funeral or ahen you are in ill health .....

[doncoin]

It really depends on management's approach. I am more results oriented. So I don't really micro-manage how people work as long as work gets done. If you can demonstrate that you can get more done in a shorter amount of time, than somebody else, then kudos to you; and definitely your productivity will be noted. If your colleagues are creating a hostile work environment that causes you stress, have a talk with HR, and your manager, and discuss about options. Maybe transfer to a different group, or area in the office etc. Come up with solutions, not just complains. 

[Steve5380]

18 hours ago, Guest Lobster said:

It has been 3 months since I got a job and I'm having difficulty fitting in. Since this is my first job, I didn't know that working with oher people will be that stressful. Too much politics and backstabbing to be recognize by the bosses and get commission from sales. They are also gossiping about me being gay. Yes, I'm effeminate but still in the closet. That is also a burden. I'm wondering if there is any work that don't hve any stress.

 

Most jobs have the situation you describe.  It's... human nature. 

 

Like someone suggested, try to make friendships and alliances with other coworkers who you don't perceive as taking advantage of you.

The workplace in an homophobic environment IS NOT the place to defend the LGBT cause.  You can negate it to death, even return suggestions of being gay against those who launch it at you, even speak some of the homophobic language. 

And, at last but not least...  start working on your sensitivity to social irritations and build protection against them, like not caring, not getting angry, not letting them get to you. This will be useful in any place you will work.  Enjoy your work even if you can't enjoy the people you have to work with.

[mantin30]

I have this lady colleague who likes to talk words with meaning behind. very sarcastic. or using words to manipulate people to do something. I'm so exhausted of communicating with her. I have tried to avoid her but still she still got way of telling me something. I also got things of my own to do. I'm also tired. I wish I can duplicate myself. She only thinks that she has to do a lot of things. no matter how I explain she has this "meh" attitude. good at twisting words, lying and very egoistic. complain people not good with this and that as though she never makes mistakes. when she made mistakes she gave a lot of excuses. How to handle this kind of people? any advice?

Edited October 8, 2017 by mantin30

[ToughGuy]

Aiya. Just avoid her. Don't get into conversation with her.

 

If she wants to talk to you, just say ”sorry, I need to go pang sai”...or just keep quiet and look blur, she will probably repeat and repeat but she will get tired and stop if you don't give the reactions she expects.

 

Takes two to be in a conversation. You should blame yourself for entertaining her.. sorry for being blunt

[fab]

Who is higher level?

 

Who is supporting who? Eg. Logistics supporting sales.

 

 

[Guest Guest]

You report to your boss, not to her. Your boss assigns you the work, and not her.

[mantin30]

25 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

Aiya. Just avoid her. Don't get into conversation with her.

 

If she wants to talk to you, just say ”sorry, I need to go pang sai”...or just keep quiet and look blur, she will probably repeat and repeat but she will get tired and stop if you don't give the reactions she expects.

 

Takes two to be in a conversation. You should blame yourself for entertaining her.. sorry for being blunt

haha. I avoided her. and out of nowhere she will find opportunity to speak to me. I don't know how to say it. She will suddenly say one thing but carry another meaning. there's one time kena her trap. saying how another guys so egoistic for ignoring her. the next morning she said "hello hello you ignore me ah?"

 

I already avoid her by not taking the lift with her. I take the staircase. when in the pantry, I will excuse myself and sit in the lobby. but still out of no where like she stalking on me, she will find something to speak to me. no jokes.

 

but sometimes working together its hard to totally avoid talking to each other. normal conversation is unavoidable. then out of sudden without you knowing (maybe I'm slow), she started again.

 

I already start to respond less and less and less to her. but as I said, she's very good. I don't know how to describe it. its rude if you don't respond if she ask you something and from there she will do her magic using every opportunity to send her  message.

[mantin30]

6 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

You report to your boss, not to her. Your boss assigns you the work, and not her.

 

the problem is the supervisor is not doing his work. Now I find a way to direct whatever "the help she asked" to my another senior. the next time she asked again, I will ask her to talk to him.

[auscent]

She doesnt have a life. 

[ToughGuy]

Learn to cut the conversation. discuss what is needed ONLY.

For the gossips, tell her that you need to rush (to settle some urgent work).

 

I see that your problem is that you played her game "hello hello you ignore me ah?"

 

You lost control of yourself. You wanted to be a nice guy and don't want to be rude. This was the price that you need to pay.

 

Ultimately, you decide what you want or don't want. No one can force you.

 

You said that she is "very good" and able to play magic. So are you saying that you are silly and can't control the situation?

Edited October 8, 2017 by ToughGuy

[ToughGuy]

By the way, do you think she will respect you for listening to her gossips?

 

She sees the stupidity in you, I believe.

Edited October 8, 2017 by ToughGuy

[mantin30]

4 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

Learn to cut the conversation. discuss what is needed ONLY.

For the gossips, tell her that you need to rush (to settle some urgent work).

 

I see that your problem is that you played her game "hello hello you ignore me ah?"

 

You lost control of yourself. You wanted to be a nice guy and don't want to be rude. This was the price that you need to pay.

 

Ultimately, you decide what you want or don't want. No one can force you.

 

You said that she is "very good" and able to play magic. So are you saying that you are silly and can't control the situation?

this is what I'm trying to do. avoid unnecessary conversation with her other than work matters.

 

I didn't play her game. When she told me the story. I just listened. without responding. when going back time, I realised she was trying to imply something. then the next morning she said to me "hello hello you ignore me ah". I just said I'm pissed off of yesterday another incident and said I forget the incident already today. and I just keep silent never said anything already.

 

haha. I'm not nice guy myself. There's one day I cannot take it and scolded her gau gau. She said she's sorry. I'm still in my twenty something, you knowlah.....and said you are the second person who told me about my behaviour. It really hit her hard according to her.

 

Yeah. I don't know why, I'm really either stunt or too slow to catch whatever they said to me. by the time I realised it, I feel so indignant.

[mantin30]

4 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

By the way, do you think she will respect you for listening to her gossips?

 

She sees the stupidity in you, I believe.

I don't think she respect me. cause every words she said she was implying I'm no good. I get it I'm no good.

[ToughGuy]

 

 

You are not a nice guy and you are no good.

 

Can't you tell her to look for another target as you don't like what she has been doing to you?

[ToughGuy]

9 minutes ago, mantin30 said:

I don't think she respect me. cause every words she said she was implying I'm no good. I get it I'm no good.

She is humilating you!!! 

[mantin30]

2 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

 

 

You are not a nice guy and you are no good.

 

Can't you tell her to look for another target as you don't like what she has been doing to you?

how to do it. That's why I'm seeking some advice here. Whatever she did, she only do it indirectly as in implying.

[mantin30]

3 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

She is humilating you!!! 

She humiliated me in front of supervisor also. after that twisted story in front of others when confronted with her

[ToughGuy]

1 minute ago, mantin30 said:

how to do it. That's why I'm seeking some advice here. Whatever she did, she only do it indirectly as in implying.

Go head on with character like her. No need to be nice to her.

 

For me, I will use 2 words "fuck off”

[ToughGuy]

2 minutes ago, mantin30 said:

She humiliated me in front of supervisor also. after that twisted story in front of others when confronted with her

And you still entertain her?????

[ToughGuy]

A nicer way

 

" I don't like what you have been telling me and I don't like you as a person. Please don't bug me and stay away from me before I get nasty”

Edited October 8, 2017 by ToughGuy

[mantin30]

Just now, ToughGuy said:

And you still entertain her?????

I avoided her. but I don't know why she's like acting normal after that. until I questioned her in another incident. She told me her twenty something story (as mentioned above). and say sorry to me.

[ToughGuy]

Must you talk to her?

 

When you start a conversation, you invite her nonsense.

[mantin30]

2 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

A nicer way

 

" I don't like what you have been telling me and I don't like you as a person. Please don't bug me and stay away from me before I get nasty”

I can think of many things to say to her in her sarcastic way to let her know the feels of it when I'm talking to myself. but when the next day, I'm just couldn't do it. I know my weakness. I'm no good. probably she realised that too and that's why stepping on me.

 

when I confronted her that time, I already made a big commotion in the company. people even said I'm psycho. I don't know what she twisted in front of others.

[mantin30]

1 minute ago, ToughGuy said:

Must you talk to her?

 

When you start a conversation, you invite her nonsense.

I avoided her like plague whenever I can. I don't know why she still want to talk to me, really finding the chance to say something to me. I really need to be more quick witted to end the conversation

[ToughGuy]

You are indecisive. One day you invite her nonsense, on another day, you hate her for tell you nonsense.

 

This gives her opportunity to make you a fool

[mantin30]

1 minute ago, ToughGuy said:

You are indecisive. One day you invite her nonsense, on another day, you hate her for tell you nonsense.

 

This gives her opportunity to make you a fool

but when people ask me something, I cant keep silent and not respond. but when she started to tell a story within a story, I'm not quick enough to spot it or realise it too late. so kind of something stuck in my heart not able to say something during that moment.

[ToughGuy]

3 minutes ago, mantin30 said:

but when people ask me something, I cant keep silent and not respond. but when she started to tell a story within a story, I'm not quick enough to spot it or realise it too late. so kind of something stuck in my heart not able to say something during that moment.

True. But for her, you should keep silent, not respond or walk away.

 

She knows your weaknesses and maximize on them.

[ToughGuy]

Maybe she likes you. LOL

[mantin30]

but I get all the points you mentioned.

[mantin30]

1 minute ago, ToughGuy said:

Maybe she likes you. LOL

she got bf already and planning to get married next year lol

[ToughGuy]

1 minute ago, mantin30 said:

she got bf already and planning to get married next year lol

Never know. Maybe she  likes you more than her present bf.

Edited October 8, 2017 by ToughGuy

[mantin30]

1 minute ago, ToughGuy said:

Never know. Maybe she  likes you more than her present bf.

LOL. but anyway thank you so much, after sharing out my trouble, I feel much better.

[ToughGuy]

Just now, mantin30 said:

LOL. but anyway thank you so much, after sharing out my trouble, I feel much better.

No problem. Been thru what you are going thru.

 

We should not act or react the same way to everyone around us.

 

There are always  "good, bad and ugly” around us.

[doncoin]

If you have someone who tends to twist words and meaning, and turning the situation into a he said, she said... one way is to document the communication, i.e. via email. That way, you have it in writing. If you are uncertain of what she wrote in the email, clarify with her via the email. I.e. i don't fully understand what you mean, can you clarify? that way, there is no ambiguity. If she comes over and talks to you instead, tell her that it helps you to stay organized if you have something in writing. That way you can be sure that the tasks at hand are done.  If she refuses to communicate via email, after she communicates the tasks to be done etc. email back to her and list out what she had communicated, and ask if you have missed out on anything? That way, if she fails to respond, and give clarity and guidance, the fault is on her, not you. 

 

Part of working is learning how to manage people above you and people below you.

Edited October 8, 2017 by doncoin

[lonelyglobe]

There is 3 options:

1.) completely ignore her

2.) tell her directly u r not pay to entertain her

3.) if u still can't beat her, then join her but make sure u r more bitchy and poisonous until she leave u alone

[sgboyzz12]

4 hours ago, mantin30 said:

I have this lady colleague who likes to talk words with meaning behind. very sarcastic. or using words to manipulate people to do something. I'm so exhausted of communicating with her. I have tried to avoid her but still she still got way of telling me something. I also got things of my own to do. I'm also tired. I wish I can duplicate myself. She only thinks that she has to do a lot of things. no matter how I explain she has this "meh" attitude. good at twisting words, lying and very egoistic. complain people not good with this and that as though she never makes mistakes. when she made mistakes she gave a lot of excuses. How to handle this kind of people? any advice?

Omg if I were u I'd tell her straight in the face thats not my job, I got other things to do, you can go ask someone else to do it

[Guest Boing boing]

 She pretend to be a helpless lamb but then slaughter and skin you alive gau gau.

 

Do you know she can 扮猪吃老虎

 

ITS THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK OF Sun Tzu's art of office war.

[Guest Cute Exec]

7 hours ago, Guest Boing boing said:

 She pretend to be a helpless lamb but then slaughter and skin you alive gau gau.

 

Do you know she can 扮猪吃老虎

 

ITS THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK OF Sun Tzu's art of office war.

Yes my office also has girl likes to act innocent and Teh teh (seductively) infront of my male boss. All other colleagues also Lao jiao we knows what she up to. The bad thing is my boss a bit tiko and he likes to role play with her Haih...

[LeanMature]

Be careful.  She could be trying to blackmail you or make you her substitute when her bf is not free or out of country. 

[benedict5856]

gays are bitches in general.

When u are with all yr 'sisters', are u very bitchy, slutty?

how can u lose to a woman? 

 

When i dislike my colleagues last time, i showed it very obvious.

I have the signal on my face - leave me alone.

 

Got once, early morning, i was like talking to myself- so bored (in chinese)

She immediately replied - bored then don't work lor.

i instant snap off at her - i am not talking to u. u can get out of my life. nbccb. 

After that day, she does not talk to me anymore.

 

So if yr colleague has hidden meaning, just blantantly say it out. ": oh ! are u implying Blah blah blah or not? aiyo, just say it lah. i got no time for mind games.""

Edited October 9, 2017 by benedict5856

[Guest tackling tips]

How to tackle people that likes to say sarcastic thing, words that implicitly threatening you, belittling you, or whatever things that they think is right about you? How to say the politically correct word (not like fuck off or similar things) without making a scene to make them feel bad what they are doing and stop doing that in the future? The one word things or sentences like a counterattack. Like for example, "you are so bad" but I feel it is not effective enough to make them realise what they are doing. Any powerful tips?