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What should I do? I Really like a guy 9 years younger than me...


Guest Klairz

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Guest still struggling

I don't think the issue here is so much the age gap but the fact that he is probably straight..

 

I was recently struggling with letting go of my classmate/ colleague who I had quite a bad crush on; it was devastating when he got a girlfriend.

I also thought and hoped similarly as you.. that it might be possible for everything to stay the same, for us to stay close and even for us to have a shot together. But of course if he's straight this won't happen.

 

So I really do think it is best for you to let go of any romantic feelings - because it's not going to end well, and it will just hurt alot when it happens.

 

I think it's still possible to remain friends, but I think you should draw the line at friends and not anything more.

 

Meet new people, and hopefully you'll be able to move on. All the best!

 

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Guest Klairz

After reading all the comments, I hope I can continue penning down my thoughts from time to time. Sorry if anyone finds me long-winded 😅 I just had lunch with him, let's call him Andy. Picked Andy up from his location somewhere is the east and we sort of headed aimlessly in search of food. I secretly wanted to go somewhere far (best north or west side) so I could enjoy his company in the car a little while longer. As usual he told me about his family, daily life and what not. I stole occasional glances at his boyish but captivating face, I noticed he had a neat haircut, but I saved the compliment. In a couple of years, he may be a hit with the ladies his age, so it really had me thinking, one day if I really confessed to him, what would he think of me? It is quite obvious by now, we have sort of have a bromance relationship. I say that because we hang out quite frequently (some of our friends in the clique also commented time to time). Whenever I hear that, I would blush ever so slightly outside, but deep inside exploding with happiness. Andy didn't deny too, maybe because he looked to me as a really dependable friend. We had a 3 hours of quality time, and I dropped him off for his next appointment. I'm a happy boy (man) 😄

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  • 2 months later...
Guest Klairz

Hey guys, since its quarantine time now I just thought I pen down my thoughts.. I've been avoiding - Andy for a week now, limiting contact via meet-ups and also one-word texting. I feel that it's the best way for me, to not have any hope of being good friends and also avoid falling deeper in love.. Couple of months back he just passed his class 3 and I offered to let him use my vehicle to practice. In actual fact, I knew he would not know the way around, and it's a perfect excuse to spend more time.. I feel so sad over the past 1 week but I told myself to be strong.. In fact, I yearn to text everyday but it seems even without me in his life, nothing is amiss.. Any bros here can help me think of a way to get over this ? 😞

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1 hour ago, Guest Klairz said:

 Any bros here can help me think of a way to get over this ? 😞

yes, date me now

or find a new one

or stay at home pretend u kena cornovirus

or imagine u going to die soon

or pretend he demise bcz cornonvirus .

 

hope all the way above help you.

 

 

ps : throw your mobile away

 

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It’s an intense experience. Likely one you’ll reminisce with clarity for the rest of your life. Why not just let it flow and don’t hold onto it (by that I mean have zero expectation; don’t even consider it an unrequited love; just zero expectation). Life will be no more than a bundle of memories at the end of life. This will be one nice sweet one to relish. 

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Guest Klairz
6 hours ago, Firday said:

yes, date me now

or find a new one

or stay at home pretend u kena cornovirus

or imagine u going to die soon

or pretend he demise bcz cornonvirus .

 

hope all the way above help you.

 

 

ps : throw your mobile away

 

Oh no... I don't know how I'm gonna go through the next few weeks ahead, especially when I was distracting myself with work. I'm closeted - I may have mentioned in my previous post some months ago. So he probably thinks I'm a "great" pal, that's all. Thanks for the comfort. 

 

I hope my heart opens up to dating :(  Love your optimism !

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Guest Klairz
5 hours ago, Pubic01 said:

It’s an intense experience. Likely one you’ll reminisce with clarity for the rest of your life. Why not just let it flow and don’t hold onto it (by that I mean have zero expectation; don’t even consider it an unrequited love; just zero expectation). Life will be no more than a bundle of memories at the end of life. This will be one nice sweet one to relish. 

I'm trying hard everyday not to let my mind wander too far and think of him. Sometimes I wonder if it's a year-long curse or what... Tormenting my poor soul every night, 80% wishing that he'd message me all times of the day. I always look forward to our next outing (in a group) or makan session (now cannot anymore) My mind is so tired and I cannot allow this to continue. It's not being fair to myself isn't it? I never fail to relish those moments together, which only bring about more pain thinking about it. Anyway I will try to distract myself with Thai BL drama 😅

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36 minutes ago, Guest Klairz said:

I'm trying hard everyday not to let my mind wander too far and think of him. Sometimes I wonder if it's a year-long curse or what... Tormenting my poor soul every night, 80% wishing that he'd message me all times of the day. I always look forward to our next outing (in a group) or makan session (now cannot anymore) My mind is so tired and I cannot allow this to continue. It's not being fair to myself isn't it? I never fail to relish those moments together, which only bring about more pain thinking about it. Anyway I will try to distract myself with Thai BL drama 😅

 

Well, if u watch 2gether the series (the latest , hottest Thai BL) you realize a few facts for a str8 guy even to consider a gay guy for r/s

 

1) U must be hotter and much more popular then him

2) U must be more talented and possess something he admire

3) The group of friends must be supportive of you (or at least YOUR group of friends) - if you haven't realize Sarawat's friends helped him a lot to make these 2 works

4) He must miss you too

 

If making yourself absent does nothing, means u are probably nothing.

 

Face the facts.

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6 minutes ago, SGSpeedoBoy said:

Bro, plenty of fish in the sea. 

 

Must see the forest, not just one tree. 

 

I got friends, 30 40+ fuck JC boys de. Something for you to chew about. 

 

FUck is not love, he is obviously in love with that boy.

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Guest Klairz
26 minutes ago, SGSpeedoBoy said:

Bro, plenty of fish in the sea. 

 

Must see the forest, not just one tree. 

 

I got friends, 30 40+ fuck JC boys de. Something for you to chew about. 

 

Hey Bro, I'm not into randomly making love to strangers ... And I'm not in that age group, yet. I want to see the forest and big ocean too ....

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Guest Klairz
21 minutes ago, Ironrod said:

 

24 minutes ago, Ironrod said:

 

Well, if u watch 2gether the series (the latest , hottest Thai BL) you realize a few facts for a str8 guy even to consider a gay guy for r/s

 

1) U must be hotter and much more popular then him

2) U must be more talented and possess something he admire

3) The group of friends must be supportive of you (or at least YOUR group of friends) - if you haven't realize Sarawat's friends helped him a lot to make these 2 works

4) He must miss you too

 

If making yourself absent does nothing, means u are probably nothing.

 

Face the facts.

 

 

I hope secretly 1% that I mean "something" but it's better to face reality now. I did see some snippets of the 2gather on YouTube, but bogged down by work to properly finish one episode. Also I don't make the cut for points 1 - 4, at least I think not. I'm going to lockdown myself inside 🤧

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8 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

I hope secretly 1% that I mean "something" but it's better to face reality now. I did see some snippets of the 2gather on YouTube, but bogged down by work to properly finish one episode. Also I don't make the cut for points 1 - 4, at least I think not. I'm going to lockdown myself inside 🤧

Hey bro, think the more you 'lockdown' yourself the worse it will be for your pain and struggle. The more you fight against your feelings for him the more difficult for you to let go. Perhaps if you change your mindset and focus by directing your feelings towards him as an adorable younger brother who could count on you for bromance, for advice, for kopi, for movies, for a chat over meals. Just call him as and when you feel like catching up instead of controlling yourself. But remind yourself it's for catching up and not for romancing. Do not deliberately create opportunities or excuses to drag on during the meetups. When you meet up look at him squarely as a younger brother whom you care about and who could be looking for a gf soon. Enjoy his company as a good friend, and meet up with others when he couldn't. In your heart 'naturalised' the relationship with him as you would any other straight friends. Remind yourself that he is straight but still worth keeping as a friend if he is a nice guy. And if he turns out to be bi 5 years down the road it's a bonus if you guys are still fast friends by then. The key for you is not to harbour romancing thoughts and to continue meeting up with others as well be they bi, gay or straights as long as you enjoy their company.  In other words, tell yourself it's ok to meet him and ENJOY his company but only as part of your socialising or bromancing network. However, you first must have the WILL to change your mindset on your friendship towards him. Failing which the only other alternative then would be 'cold turkey', by cutting off contact like many would suggest until you get over him. 

I truly, truly wish you a great and exciting journey ahead in building up a network of good friends whatever their sexual orientations. 

 

PS: I feel you as I was in the same situation before, once with a gal, and once with a guy when I was still struggling with my sexual orientations. 

Edited by yuquidam
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Guest Tony Chen

A bit absurd that you described man liking guys as perverted. Firstly u are then asking advice from everyone you deem perverted. Secondly this forum is perverted then to you. Baffled. 

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Guest Klairz
9 hours ago, yuquidam said:

Hey bro, think the more you 'lockdown' yourself the worse it will be for your pain and struggle. The more you fight against your feelings for him the more difficult for you to let go. Perhaps if you change your mindset and focus by directing your feelings towards him as an adorable younger brother who could count on you for bromance, for advice, for kopi, for movies, for a chat over meals. Just call him as and when you feel like catching up instead of controlling yourself. But remind yourself it's for catching up and not for romancing. Do not deliberately create opportunities or excuses to drag on during the meetups. When you meet up look at him squarely as a younger brother whom you care about and who could be looking for a gf soon. Enjoy his company as a good friend, and meet up with others when he couldn't. In your heart 'naturalised' the relationship with him as you would any other straight friends. Remind yourself that he is straight but still worth keeping as a friend if he is a nice guy. And if he turns out to be bi 5 years down the road it's a bonus if you guys are still fast friends by then. The key for you is not to harbour romancing thoughts and to continue meeting up with others as well be they bi, gay or straights as long as you enjoy their company.  In other words, tell yourself it's ok to meet him and ENJOY his company but only as part of your socialising or bromancing network. However, you first must have the WILL to change your mindset on your friendship towards him. Failing which the only other alternative then would be 'cold turkey', by cutting off contact like many would suggest until you get over him. 

I truly, truly wish you a great and exciting journey ahead in building up a network of good friends whatever their sexual orientations. 

 

PS: I feel you as I was in the same situation before, once with a gal, and once with a guy when I was still struggling with my sexual orientations. 

 

Really appreciate you thinking through in my shoes and providing this advice. I'll take the next month to train my up my mental will, maybe find stuff to keep my mind occupied. I've limited my texting to around 5% out of 100%, where I will send funny pics and news whatnot (to create convo you know) Seems like I won't be missed even... No Worry I will heed all the advice here, just need to rant sometimes la.. 🤧

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I kinda had an experience similar to yours a while back. I was 26 when I fell for a coworker who's 20. He was adorably small and boyish with dark tan skin. He was funny and easy to be with, So I had a crush on him and couldn't stop thinking about him. It was made worst when he always agreed to join me for my regular beach camping trips where I get to see him in his small tight underwear. We would shower together always and I could get glimpses of his dick. We would also later sleep in the tent in only underwear and occasionally naked. Oh the temptation. But that's just it. I know he's straight and nothing will ever happen between us. And at some point I realized that I never had a guy friend who is as close as him. So close that we could talk about everything. Or be naked together and not give a damn. I want this friendship. I love this friendship. You know, having a bro like this means more than anything. In the end, he got married to this beautiful nice girl and we still remain as close as ever and that's all that matters. He even knows I'm gay. By the way, I also have a boyfriend now that I have been dating for 4 years plus that's tan and has a small cute body, I mean he's no longer small after all the food I fed him, haha... But I found the love of my life. Nowadays, he and his wife would sometimes have lunch with me and my bf. How nice. 😁

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Guest Hot Swimmer
On 4/7/2020 at 6:41 AM, caindukker said:

I kinda had an experience similar to yours a while back. I was 26 when I fell for a coworker who's 20. He was adorably small and boyish with dark tan skin. He was funny and easy to be with, So I had a crush on him and couldn't stop thinking about him. It was made worst when he always agreed to join me for my regular beach camping trips where I get to see him in his small tight underwear. We would shower together always and I could get glimpses of his dick. We would also later sleep in the tent in only underwear and occasionally naked. Oh the temptation. But that's just it. I know he's straight and nothing will ever happen between us. And at some point I realized that I never had a guy friend who is as close as him. So close that we could talk about everything. Or be naked together and not give a damn. I want this friendship. I love this friendship. You know, having a bro like this means more than anything. In the end, he got married to this beautiful nice girl and we still remain as close as ever and that's all that matters. He even knows I'm gay. By the way, I also have a boyfriend now that I have been dating for 4 years plus that's tan and has a small cute body, I mean he's no longer small after all the food I fed him, haha... But I found the love of my life. Nowadays, he and his wife would sometimes have lunch with me and my bf. How nice. 😁

Got jo together in tent?

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On 1/2/2020 at 12:11 PM, Guest Klairz said:

I've been reading BW for a while now and I feel this is kinda weird, but I thought I should open up my feelings (at least online) that I feel that I fancy a guy who is 9 years younger than me. We are pretty close (or at least i think!) we text each other, mostly about sports-related stuff, tech-stuff and also about mutual friends (aka gossiping). I really enjoy his company and texting almost every day. I know deep down it's one-sided unrequited love, but I still hope one day we can be closer than good friends/buddies (I'm not sure if this is possible). I've never really felt like this towards another guy, although I know I will not end up getting married with a woman. There were a few occasions where we traveled overseas (in a group) and I snuggled to sleep on the same bed as him (No other intentions) just to see him fall asleep with his cute boyish face under the dim light. He thinks that is "annoying" but still let me on his bed anyways. I'll also admire his nice smooth skin from afar, each time wanting to feel it with my own hands. I will tell myself inside that this boy deserves a good girl instead of a perverted man like me who likes guys. We know each other some time now, I really like him so much but I feel like each time I think of us ever being together, I die a little inside. He may or may not know I have "special" feelings for him (more than a friend) Sometimes I feel who we really love should not be based on whether he/she is a guy/girl😔Sorry for the long post, but I feel that it's a new year and I need to get this off my chest, welcome all comments! Happy 2020 everyone !

Like many have mentioned, there is no problem on the 9-year age gap. I think you need to sort out your own sexual orientation first. Since he is the first guy that you have a crush on, no matter how old you are, I believe you are still in the gay curious stage. I can see the beauty of your selfless love towards Andy and apparently you are enjoying the current arrangement without going further beyond the bromance relationship. However, in order to end your struggle and have true happiness, you need to accept your sexual orientation as gay first and stop thinking being gay is perverted. Then eventually you will put Andy down, meet the right one whom you can pour your love on, and develop a more fulfilling relationship.

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Guest Klairz
On 4/8/2020 at 11:02 PM, will7z said:

Like many have mentioned, there is no problem on the 9-year age gap. I think you need to sort out your own sexual orientation first. Since he is the first guy that you have a crush on, no matter how old you are, I believe you are still in the gay curious stage. I can see the beauty of your selfless love towards Andy and apparently you are enjoying the current arrangement without going further beyond the bromance relationship. However, in order to end your struggle and have true happiness, you need to accept your sexual orientation as gay first and stop thinking being gay is perverted. Then eventually you will put Andy down, meet the right one whom you can pour your love on, and develop a more fulfilling relationship.

Sorry don't get me wrong, "perverted" (coming from a straight person's viewpoint) I am completely in support for love regardless of gender. I am in 1 week self "lockdown" no text or calls from him still. I guess I'm really nothing much afterall. But I have occupied myself with Thai BL lately catching up on Sotus & 2gather, OMG I've been missing out on them 😁 But everytime I think back, I wonder if a guy like me confess to a "straight" guy, I can't risk losing the friendship or him thinking im gay forever. I don't know 😥 Thanks for yr advice !

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Guest Klairz
On 4/7/2020 at 6:41 AM, caindukker said:

I kinda had an experience similar to yours a while back. I was 26 when I fell for a coworker who's 20. He was adorably small and boyish with dark tan skin. He was funny and easy to be with, So I had a crush on him and couldn't stop thinking about him. It was made worst when he always agreed to join me for my regular beach camping trips where I get to see him in his small tight underwear. We would shower together always and I could get glimpses of his dick. We would also later sleep in the tent in only underwear and occasionally naked. Oh the temptation. But that's just it. I know he's straight and nothing will ever happen between us. And at some point I realized that I never had a guy friend who is as close as him. So close that we could talk about everything. Or be naked together and not give a damn. I want this friendship. I love this friendship. You know, having a bro like this means more than anything. In the end, he got married to this beautiful nice girl and we still remain as close as ever and that's all that matters. He even knows I'm gay. By the way, I also have a boyfriend now that I have been dating for 4 years plus that's tan and has a small cute body, I mean he's no longer small after all the food I fed him, haha... But I found the love of my life. Nowadays, he and his wife would sometimes have lunch with me and my bf. How nice. 😁

Wow that's pretty cute back then. yeah Andy has an ex which he hasn't gotten over, and sometimes when I send him back in his drunken stupor he will say how much he still loves her and that he wants to get back with her etc... I feel so hurt inside, but I think ultimately he deserves a nice and good girl in his life... Many thoughts and rants, so sorry...

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2 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

Wow that's pretty cute back then. yeah Andy has an ex which he hasn't gotten over, and sometimes when I send him back in his drunken stupor he will say how much he still loves her and that he wants to get back with her etc... I feel so hurt inside, but I think ultimately he deserves a nice and good girl in his life... Many thoughts and rants, so sorry...

No need to say sorry. It's better to vent here than to keep it all inside. I know you'll be okay someday. Just need to hold on for now. 'Time heals everything.' Learned that from a gay movie I watched last night. Haha... It's called 'sweet boy', it's in Thai. 

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On 4/12/2020 at 7:11 PM, Guest Klairz said:

Sorry don't get me wrong, "perverted" (coming from a straight person's viewpoint) I am completely in support for love regardless of gender. I am in 1 week self "lockdown" no text or calls from him still. I guess I'm really nothing much afterall. But I have occupied myself with Thai BL lately catching up on Sotus & 2gather, OMG I've been missing out on them 😁 But everytime I think back, I wonder if a guy like me confess to a "straight" guy, I can't risk losing the friendship or him thinking im gay forever. I don't know 😥 Thanks for yr advice !

No worry, you will get over him eventually. Same crush towards straight guys has been experienced by many gays including me. Take care.

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Guest Klairz
On 4/15/2020 at 5:54 PM, will7z said:

No worry, you will get over him eventually. Same crush towards straight guys has been experienced by many gays including me. Take care.

 

Thanks bro, I try to be strong inside but the mind still wanders off sometimes... 😥

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Guest Klairz
On 4/12/2020 at 10:05 PM, caindukker said:

No need to say sorry. It's better to vent here than to keep it all inside. I know you'll be okay someday. Just need to hold on for now. 'Time heals everything.' Learned that from a gay movie I watched last night. Haha... It's called 'sweet boy', it's in Thai. 

 

This week started off pretty well by keeping myself occupied with Thai BLs, learning new recipes, catching up with friends etc. But sometimes through the day I just can't help thinking, if I miss someone so much will the power of the universe somehow help me to to channel the feelings to him? Haha 😄

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2 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

This week started off pretty well by keeping myself occupied with Thai BLs, learning new recipes, catching up with friends etc. But sometimes through the day I just can't help thinking, if I miss someone so much will the power of the universe somehow help me to to channel the feelings to him? Haha 😄

That's great. Keeping yourself busy is a great way to forget someone. Haha. Maybe the universe would direct it to someone else that's going to miss you back. 

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Guest Klairz
5 hours ago, caindukker said:

That's great. Keeping yourself busy is a great way to forget someone. Haha. Maybe the universe would direct it to someone else that's going to miss you back. 

 

And here I am at 3,22am with my mind all over him. Guess its not that as easy as I thought huh 😔 ... 

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On 4/17/2020 at 3:23 AM, Guest Klairz said:

 

And here I am at 3,22am with my mind all over him. Guess its not that as easy as I thought huh 😔 ... 

It's never easy to forget the person you like. But eventually you will let go. Believe me. 

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Guest Klairz

And so the CB weekend came and went, it was tough internally/mentally to let go. I binged on Netflix/Youtube BL and shut off my phone completely for that 2 days. But whilst scrolling through FB this morning I noticed Andy commenting and liking some random post.. sigh its been 15 days since he last texted me. To be honest, I did not reply his string of texts one week before the 15 days. That's because I don't want to get hurt even more when I already know nothing good will come out. I hope he would pry and I was thinking I may eventually fess up. Now I realised I'm not even worthy of a simple "hello" or "how're you" since before the implementation of CB measures. I think I'm  having a major "withdrawal symptom". For the last 14 months we texted almost every day. I almost wanted to whatsapp him but I could not bring myself to do it. He'll just think that I'm someone who need him more than he needs me. Instead the silly me scrolled through our texts since 2019 and I noticed the many instances where I'm the one initiating the conversation. Some of the convos still tickle me a little inside, what a weekend...

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17 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

And so the CB weekend came and went, it was tough internally/mentally to let go. I binged on Netflix/Youtube BL and shut off my phone completely for that 2 days. But whilst scrolling through FB this morning I noticed Andy commenting and liking some random post.. sigh its been 15 days since he last texted me. To be honest, I did not reply his string of texts one week before the 15 days. That's because I don't want to get hurt even more when I already know nothing good will come out. I hope he would pry and I was thinking I may eventually fess up. Now I realised I'm not even worthy of a simple "hello" or "how're you" since before the implementation of CB measures. I think I'm  having a major "withdrawal symptom". For the last 14 months we texted almost every day. I almost wanted to whatsapp him but I could not bring myself to do it. He'll just think that I'm someone who need him more than he needs me. Instead the silly me scrolled through our texts since 2019 and I noticed the many instances where I'm the one initiating the conversation. Some of the convos still tickle me a little inside, what a weekend...

I am starting to think that he's not much of a friend either. Haha... I mean, I have friends that aren't that close that texts me more often than this. 

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On 4/20/2020 at 12:39 PM, Guest Klairz said:

...To be honest, I did not reply his string of texts one week before the 15 days. That's because I don't want to get hurt even more when I already know nothing good will come out. I hope he would pry and I was thinking I may eventually fess up. Now I realised I'm not even worthy of a simple "hello"..

Bro, if I were your friend I'll feel terribly hurt or feel that perhaps you didn't want to continue the friendship since you didn't reply to a string of his messages. You're going down the same route I went with a bi-NSF buddy (Can read my posts some time back in the NSF thread. He had a fiancee, now married, and we had many fun sessions till I fell for him.)

 

Gosh that's terribly painful for you man. You like him so much yet you have made him believed he was a "pest" to you since you didn't respond to his numerous messages. Gosh...I'll never want to go thru that ever again. I would have done it differently if I could rewind the clock.

 

Bro, we have not heard from you since 20Apr. Hope you're coping ok. Hang in there, and like Caindukker assured, time will help you heal. Update us when you can. Jiayou, jiayou!

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9 hours ago, ThePineapple said:

I just wanna ask a few questions tho,
did you confess your feelings for him ? and what is his reply if you did,

For me, i did had a crush on my work-colleague 4 years back, like what caindukker described, " small build about 153, boyish with tan skin (mostly came from fishing)" and quite a joker.
After 1 year of knowing him, he got appointed as team lead and things started to changed, he don't appear to be as cheerful as before.

I did what i can by occasionally asking him out, to chill out together like " swimming or even just a scroll in the park or lunch together " to a step back and distress, did also told him i am open to listen to you if you need an ear to hear you vent out anything, anything under the sun.

During the 2nd year,
Things went downhill between me and JJ when i confessed to him my feelings. As i can felt and tell he is homophobic. Been avoiding me saying busy and such... even barely talk to each another anymore during work. Sometimes we do even fight(?)/quarrel(?) over our disagreement.

 

I will always i remember once - somewhere 2017 or 2018 - the quarrel got so bad, that when we are at the park after work, i shouted in a distressed tone "I had no idea why i do have this feelings for you, all because i want you to be my best friend ever. I don't even know why i do things for you, going out of my way to help or even give gifts when you never even felt the same way for me"
shortly after i went aside, leaning on a pillar, my heads full of past memories, anger, frustration. Me looking up at the evening sky as it slowly turn dark... out of no-where, tears started to flow from the sides my of eyes, tried to summon my strength to control and stop it but failed. As more tears started to roll, i covered my eyes with my right hand and eventually i broke down and cried silently..
meanwhile, JJ notice something is amiss and came looking for me, saw me leaning on a pillar crying silently and said in a worried tone " you crying ? " , in which i didn't reply with my hands covered my eyes and head tilted down. Suddenly he hugged me. Maybe he recalled i once said to him - if a hug could save someone, would you ? in which he didn't respond.
He hugged me till i stop crying and let go. At that point of time, i am so exhausted mentally, that i just walk to my bag, slowly pick it up, and walk off, he did followed me awhile but i can hear him stopped.


Just late last year, i told myself i had enough, it is emotionally draining to see JJ around and unable to what we used to be. and left the job.

on my last day, I did have a last request, that is for JJ to send me off to HQ together. But he is rushing to another site... sigh :(


Texted him a few times a few months back and no replies, so i am right that i am just a work-colleague to him, while i want something more then that... like a true close friend.


All this write-up make me teared a little, as the scars are still there... i will never forget.

Time does heals, but it will never heals the scar that is left behind, and thanks for the memories JJ.

Anyway thanks for reading my looong past... :) 
many more great moments to come for me !

Thanks for sharing bro. Hope that one day your scar will be overshadowed by the true love of your life.

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Guest Klairz
On 4/27/2020 at 2:20 AM, yuquidam said:

Bro, if I were your friend I'll feel terribly hurt or feel that perhaps you didn't want to continue the friendship since you didn't reply to a string of his messages. You're going down the same route I went with a bi-NSF buddy (Can read my posts some time back in the NSF thread. He had a fiancee, now married, and we had many fun sessions till I fell for him.)

 

Gosh that's terribly painful for you man. You like him so much yet you have made him believed he was a "pest" to you since you didn't respond to his numerous messages. Gosh...I'll never want to go thru that ever again. I would have done it differently if I could rewind the clock.

 

Bro, we have not heard from you since 20Apr. Hope you're coping ok. Hang in there, and like Caindukker assured, time will help you heal. Update us when you can. Jiayou, jiayou!

 

Thanks a lot for your concern. I never knew one soul could cause so much hurt and misery toward another soul. I didn't reply Andy as I knew nothing good will come out of it in the end. It's just gonna be me and myself longing to spend my time with Andy (now that CB period is extended, I wonder how long more I can endure). Every single waking moment is a struggle I swear, it's not easy. But still not over him yet. Sigh, I can't recall how many sleepless nights I numbed myself with my trusted friend - Jack Daniels. Many times I would re-visit our pics and chat conversations since 2017 on FB messenger, and boy did it bring a smile to my face. Looking back, I don't even know when I started to develop such attached feelings for someone, I never felt this way before. Can't help to think I'm just too naive feeling I'm grown up and all when I'm Aunt Agony for some of my close buddies who faced problems in the r/s, when I think I can take big shit ton load of work and scolding from my clients, boss etc. over the past 6-7 years, but when it comes to matters of the heart I'm just as clueless, vulnerable wreck like everyone else. 

 

So Andy Did text me once about 6-7 days ago - which I did not reply to. And just 2 days ago he sent another to check on how I was doing. I had held myself back from replying for a couple of days but I would't want to come off as "ignoring" him completely (we may meet up in a group setting come June or so after the CB is lifted) so I tried my best to give uninterested replies consisting of one-three words. Suddenly he said that he prepared some cookies which he had baked during the CB period and wanted to drop it off at my house. I politely rejected him multiple times citing lame excuses like I'm not feeling well, on Zoom meetings etc. he still dropped it off and told me to accept it, and that I could choose to do what I wanted with it after receiving it. Andy also made me promise to give him feedback on the cookies. That is something so cute and adorable, (and stubborn at the same time) which I stupidly adore of him. I held myself back again from replying. Please give me the strength to end this before CB ends, I want to move on from this obsession I have. Not a single day goes by without me thinking of him.

 

SO what would you have done differently if you could turn back the clock bro? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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Guest Klairz
On 4/27/2020 at 3:34 AM, ThePineapple said:

I just wanna ask a few questions tho,
did you confess your feelings for him ? and what is his reply if you did,
.....................................................................................................................
Time does heals, but it will never heals the scar that is left behind, and thanks for the memories JJ.

Anyway thanks for reading my looong past... :) 
many more great moments to come for me !

 

Really appreciate your sharing, I guess you really can understand how I feel inside.

 

I did not confess to him for a few reasons, selfish some might say but I do have my reservations too. Firstly I'm in the closet, like buried deep deep inside - like NO one knows - not even my close buddies or family. Although there are quite a number of friends who openly asked why I did not have a GF (Andy also asked me this btw :( ) but I usually say, work and money before girls. Some friends will just say "He doesn't like girls one lah, intro guys to him better." All of which I will just shrug it off, I don't really care what they say. Secondly, I have a little feeling he might be slightly homophobic as he did mention he has a close guy friend who's openly gay (around his age), and keeps trying to touch his hand when they hang out, and that he did not like it. He also did mention when he was in NS there were a couple of gay bunk mates who try to kiss him, hug him and hold hands with him (jokingly or not I'm not sure) in camp. We were that close and he would tell me all about it. I was really happy.

 

Having said that, I must admit too I had overstepped my boundaries as friends and I kissed and hugged him before (I think he still doesn't know it yet) and slept on the same bed. That whole chapter is something I will write about when I'm ready to. I hope I'm not boring you with my never-ending problems😓 Stay safe

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On 1/2/2020 at 12:41 PM, Guest Klairz said:

Haha, I know where this is going but.... I mean he's not exactly hunky or hot to begin with (neither am I), but thats one element/something about him I love so much. That's he's normal and all, I just want to be around him every time. I also dread the day he finds his a girlfriend, which means I will naturally be forgotten/left behind... I really cherish him alot, even friends around us tease that I am biased towards him, like I'll fetch him around and run errands, send him back, buy him tech stuff etc. (none of which was asked by him) I feel that I can give/provide him anything he wants (as long as I can afford) even if it means going out of my way... Sigh, I hope I've not fallen too deep into the pit

He doesnt need to be hot or hunky for you to feel lust towards him right?

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Guest Klairz
7 hours ago, seeyouinblowingwind said:

He doesnt need to be hot or hunky for you to feel lust towards him right?

 

I'm not sure if lust is an appropriate term. But answer to your question - No he doesn't need to be hot or hunky.

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12 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

Really appreciate your sharing, I guess you really can understand how I feel inside.

 

I did not confess to him for a few reasons, selfish some might say but I do have my reservations too. Firstly I'm in the closet, like buried deep deep inside - like NO one knows - not even my close buddies or family. Although there are quite a number of friends who openly asked why I did not have a GF (Andy also asked me this btw :( ) but I usually say, work and money before girls. Some friends will just say "He doesn't like girls one lah, intro guys to him better." All of which I will just shrug it off, I don't really care what they say. Secondly, I have a little feeling he might be slightly homophobic as he did mention he has a close guy friend who's openly gay (around his age), and keeps trying to touch his hand when they hang out, and that he did not like it. He also did mention when he was in NS there were a couple of gay bunk mates who try to kiss him, hug him and hold hands with him (jokingly or not I'm not sure) in camp. We were that close and he would tell me all about it. I was really happy.

 

Having said that, I must admit too I had overstepped my boundaries as friends and I kissed and hugged him before (I think he still doesn't know it yet) and slept on the same bed. That whole chapter is something I will write about when I'm ready to. I hope I'm not boring you with my never-ending problems😓 Stay safe


Hey man, 
It's just the path i made, the guy JJ is 3 years younger than me haha, not as erm, compassionate as your Andy i suppose... 
I did have many people - even clients ask me, you are such a boyfriend material, why no girlfriend ? in which i didn't reply and walk away or gave an awkward smile :D

I'm just curious tho, how long had you know Andy ? since sec school ? and how often you 2 meetup just 2 person for activities like idk, swimming? cycling?...

I can feel you because i did have a crush with someone 8 years younger than me too ... ah... that is another story for another time hahaha...


He's quite a nice guy to even bake cookies for you and drop at your doorstep ... *oh man my envy hahaha*
There is many paths for you to choose Klairz. and I am in no right to advice you which to choose, as each have their own pros and cons...


some $0.50 here, if you don't want to paint an image to him that that you are "ghosting" (in relationship terms) - yes there is such a term. I guess it's best for you to sort things out with him... you know, find the right time, day, mood and ask him out alone, maybe a coffee ? BubbleTea maybe ? and sit down and talk... 
I am pretty sure Andy have many things to ask also, as in to him, you just suddenly disappear and say you sick all that. If you really value the friendship/relationship, then just come clean to him, tell him that you do have feelings for him - just hopefully nothing sexual - and let him talk his part on how he feels for you... hopefully there is a middle-ground drawn...
Say something like "er... you know, you told me that you don't like people trying to hug you or kiss you... but if i did those to you maybe not in the open, would you mind ?"
remember, you must let him know what he mean to you first... a small brother to dote on or something else before you try that ^^

If he does accept you, then congratz, you had a best friend... forever(?) if not i guess well move on !


you know what keeps a friendship/relationship alive ? part of it is honesty, no matter how bad it is or how hurtful it is, a real friend will never ghost you if you come clean. A real friend knows your in and outs, what makes you happiest, what you like the most, what's your fav. drink you order at kopitiam.... to what breaks you, what you dislike, what's your allergy be it food or smell...
A real friend will tell you straight in your face that the shirt that you sooo like and going to buy doesn't fit you, knowing that you won't get pissed-off,
That real friend will change you for the better, pushing your limits and maybe even sharing experience together, like skydiving together or travel together, knowing you can be trusted

***well all this said, you can continue doing what you do now, eventually he will just stop contacting you and move on too, thinking you just ignoring/ghosting him and yep you might just lost a very good friend, 
 a friendship doesn't come overnight, it takes time... just like good wine, it takes time to ripe... once it's ripe, you know you will have the best to keep :)


man i notice my post getting longer and longer... how do i summaries up so many things... hahaha

Edited by ThePineapple

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Guest Naughtjoker
On 4/27/2020 at 3:34 AM, ThePineapple said:

I just wanna ask a few questions tho,
did you confess your feelings for him ? and what is his reply if you did,

For me, i did had a crush on my work-colleague 4 years back, like what caindukker described, " small build about 153, boyish with tan skin (mostly came from fishing)" and quite a joker.
After 1 year of knowing him, he got appointed as team lead and things started to changed, he don't appear to be as cheerful as before.

I did what i can by occasionally asking him out, to chill out together like " swimming or even just a scroll in the park or lunch together " to a step back and distress, did also told him i am open to listen to you if you need an ear to hear you vent out anything, anything under the sun.

During the 2nd year,
Things went downhill between me and JJ when i confessed to him my feelings. As i can felt and tell he is homophobic. Been avoiding me saying busy and such... even barely talk to each another anymore during work. Sometimes we do even fight(?)/quarrel(?) over our disagreement.

 

I will always i remember once - somewhere 2017 or 2018 - the quarrel got so bad, that when we are at the park after work, i shouted in a distressed tone "I had no idea why i do have this feelings for you, all because i want you to be my best friend ever. I don't even know why i do things for you, going out of my way to help or even give gifts when you never even felt the same way for me"
shortly after i went aside, leaning on a pillar, my heads full of past memories, anger, frustration. Me looking up at the evening sky as it slowly turn dark... out of no-where, tears started to flow from the sides my of eyes, tried to summon my strength to control and stop it but failed. As more tears started to roll, i covered my eyes with my right hand and eventually i broke down and cried silently..
meanwhile, JJ notice something is amiss and came looking for me, saw me leaning on a pillar crying silently and said in a worried tone " you crying ? " , in which i didn't reply with my hands covered my eyes and head tilted down. Suddenly he hugged me. Maybe he recalled i once said to him - if a hug could save someone, would you ? in which he didn't respond.
He hugged me till i stop crying and let go. At that point of time, i am so exhausted mentally, that i just walk to my bag, slowly pick it up, and walk off, he did followed me awhile but i can hear him stopped.


Just late last year, i told myself i had enough, it is emotionally draining to see JJ around and unable to what we used to be. and left the job.

on my last day, I did have a last request, that is for JJ to send me off to HQ together. But he is rushing to another site... sigh :(


Texted him a few times a few months back and no replies, so i am right that i am just a work-colleague to him, while i want something more then that... like a true close friend.


All this write-up make me teared a little, as the scars are still there... i will never forget.

Time does heals, but it will never heals the scar that is left behind, and thanks for the memories JJ.

Anyway thanks for reading my looong past... :) 
many more great moments to come for me !

I also have the familiar story, let call the guy A, first time saw him when I join the company, quite tall and bear look. It give me the feeling that A maybe gay. A always give me the anti social look while he is ok with other group of friend. It give me the feeling that I can’t be his friend. Just wanna say to A, I still have abit feeling on you. Just want to be friend with you.

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Guest Klairz
On 4/29/2020 at 1:41 AM, ThePineapple said:


Hey man, 
It's just the path i made, the guy JJ is 3 years younger than me haha, not as erm, compassionate as your Andy i suppose... 
I did have many people - even clients ask me, you are such a boyfriend material, why no girlfriend ? in which i didn't reply and walk away or gave an awkward smile :D

I'm just curious tho, how long had you know Andy ? since sec school ? and how often you 2 meetup just 2 person for activities like idk, swimming? cycling?...

I can feel you because i did have a crush with someone 8 years younger than me too ... ah... that is another story for another time hahaha...


He's quite a nice guy to even bake cookies for you and drop at your doorstep ... *oh man my envy hahaha*
There is many paths for you to choose Klairz. and I am in no right to advice you which to choose, as each have their own pros and cons...


some $0.50 here, if you don't want to paint an image to him that that you are "ghosting" (in relationship terms) - yes there is such a term. I guess it's best for you to sort things out with him... you know, find the right time, day, mood and ask him out alone, maybe a coffee ? BubbleTea maybe ? and sit down and talk... 
I am pretty sure Andy have many things to ask also, as in to him, you just suddenly disappear and say you sick all that. If you really value the friendship/relationship, then just come clean to him, tell him that you do have feelings for him - just hopefully nothing sexual - and let him talk his part on how he feels for you... hopefully there is a middle-ground drawn...
Say something like "er... you know, you told me that you don't like people trying to hug you or kiss you... but if i did those to you maybe not in the open, would you mind ?"
remember, you must let him know what he mean to you first... a small brother to dote on or something else before you try that ^^

If he does accept you, then congratz, you had a best friend... forever(?) if not i guess well move on !


you know what keeps a friendship/relationship alive ? part of it is honesty, no matter how bad it is or how hurtful it is, a real friend will never ghost you if you come clean. A real friend knows your in and outs, what makes you happiest, what you like the most, what's your fav. drink you order at kopitiam.... to what breaks you, what you dislike, what's your allergy be it food or smell...
A real friend will tell you straight in your face that the shirt that you sooo like and going to buy doesn't fit you, knowing that you won't get pissed-off,
That real friend will change you for the better, pushing your limits and maybe even sharing experience together, like skydiving together or travel together, knowing you can be trusted

***well all this said, you can continue doing what you do now, eventually he will just stop contacting you and move on too, thinking you just ignoring/ghosting him and yep you might just lost a very good friend, 
 a friendship doesn't come overnight, it takes time... just like good wine, it takes time to ripe... once it's ripe, you know you will have the best to keep :)


man i notice my post getting longer and longer... how do i summaries up so many things... hahaha

 

Hey man, It's been a tormenting 2-weeks for me emotionally and mentally. Just when I thought I mustered enough courage to "forget" him, every night past 11PM my mind wanders off to how we used to spend time together and how he really enjoyed my company(or each others' company). Like I could see the sparkle in his eyes, beads of genuine happiness whenever I crack a funny joke or tease him shy.

 

I wanted to tell all BW bros that, I finally texted back sometime 1 week back. It was hard to send out the first message. He replied. I felt that I needed closure and I really want to move on in life. It isn't helping me cope with my work as I always drift away thinking how was he doing, and whether he was keeping well etc. These memories play back in my mind like a film without sound. I really cannot recall if I've loved anyone so dearly over the past 2+ decades of my life. Andy replied that he did think of me over the long "ghosting" period/episode from me. I didn't know if I was ready to confess to him over text. I know I'm not, and I would be contented to keep him as a friend. It was not how I envisioned my coming out to be. And I guess I have some closure now, he said he looked up to me as a big bro and wanted me to be happy wherever I was. These words, too casual but extremely piercing and soul-crushing as I read them to myself over and over again, I made no mistake in that. I'm so numb now, god freaking know how many nights over the last month I spent crying myself to sleep after re-reading our text conversations since 2017, the days where I innocently thought we may have the slightest chance of getting together (yes despite the 9 year age gap). Whatever whiskey and rum haphazard concoctions I could find in my alcohol collection were all lashed on my needy soul, just so I can numb the pain even more. I pray everyday now to whatever god can help me get my emotions out of the woods. I try very had to stop whatever feelings I had for Andy, I think I just didn't want to admit that unfortunately this is just purely unrequited love.

 

Guys I don't know how to deal with this properly, you may not know me personally but I'm sure many of you know what I'm going through. 

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Guest Klairz
On 1/4/2020 at 12:35 AM, Sirius_m said:

Someone i met at work 12 years ago - we hit it off well like long-lost brothers.

Enjoyed every moment i spent with him and the bias you guys mention was inevitable.

I was visibly defending him and treating him better despite of my impartial reputation in the circle of friends.

Everyone around us and his then-wife-to-be sensed a bromance ongoing.

After his marriage, it was time to wake up from the dream. 

Something happened and we drifted apart.

Yet last year, we met up a few times -we realized both of us changed but the magical feeling of being each others' soulmate remains.

Guess not all forms of love must end in possession - you feel happy as long as you know the other person is doing great.

 

As much as I want to do that, it isn't easy at all. Not one bit. I'm just gonna be a wuss and cry myself to sleep tonight again. 

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Guest fairygodmother

Hi Klairz, 

 

I totally understand what you are going through as something similar happen when I was in Uni.  I would also want to spend as much time, treasured every moment, looking forward to the next meet up even before the current ended.  In short I couldnt have enough of him,  I want him to have me as the only person mattered and important to him just I he was to me.  In some measures, I succeeded, we were/are the best of friends spend lots of time together, he do things for me ( but I do for him X5 lol)  but I realised I am not the only one that mattered, he has other circles of friends and eventually has a gf.  The problem is not so much of age gap but he is str8.  Things will never be what I hope or wanted.  At times I became unreasonable and cold shoulder him, expecting him to feel as devastated as I myself is feeling, to some extent he did become miserable but life still goes on for him but to me, life came to a standstill. My time spent with people other than him was unfulfilling, mainly just to distract myself ( from thinking of him).

 

After Uni, I went work overseas so we gradually grew distant but still friends  and I still harbors the thought of us being close and together again.  During this time, we planned to do something together,  and we decided to travel for 3 weeks in Australia.  I thought how wonderful, 3 weeks of just the 2 of us together, 24/7.  Indeed it was but it was also during this time I truly understand him and see through all his ways and character, indeed he is a nice and caring person but I also see some of his character flaws which I would not have known if I did not spend such long time with him.  Suddenly I realised he is not as perfect or as angellic as I always hold him to be, in that moment something stirred and snap in me,  I understand we were not meant to be together. After the trip, in time we slowly drift apart as I no longer put so much effort to maintain the relationship.

I know there is life out there even if he is not in the picture,  for the first time in many years I felt "free" and happy in a way.  I opened up to other people which before I didnt because I always think or want him to be the "One".  

 

Few years later,  I met up with my bf and we are together still after many years and we are running a business together and living together.  And my first meeting with my bf wasnt even a proper date,  it was just for "fun", well one thing lead to another, thats another story.

 

Basically what I want to say is ....it wont work with a str8 guy.  You have to broaden your gay friends circles esp if you want a life partner.  In the long run you wont be happy being just "best friends"

 

I wish you all the best.

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Guest Klairz
4 hours ago, Guest fairygodmother said:

Hi Klairz, 

 

I totally understand what you are going through as something similar happen when I was in Uni.  I would also want to spend as much time, treasured every moment, looking forward to the next meet up even before the current ended.  In short I couldnt have enough of him,  I want him to have me as the only person mattered and important to him just I he was to me.  In some measures, I succeeded, we were/are the best of friends spend lots of time together, he do things for me ( but I do for him X5 lol)  but I realised I am not the only one that mattered, he has other circles of friends and eventually has a gf.  The problem is not so much of age gap but he is str8.  Things will never be what I hope or wanted.  At times I became unreasonable and cold shoulder him, expecting him to feel as devastated as I myself is feeling, to some extent he did become miserable but life still goes on for him but to me, life came to a standstill. My time spent with people other than him was unfulfilling, mainly just to distract myself ( from thinking of him).

 

After Uni, I went work overseas so we gradually grew distant but still friends  and I still harbors the thought of us being close and together again.  During this time, we planned to do something together,  and we decided to travel for 3 weeks in Australia.  I thought how wonderful, 3 weeks of just the 2 of us together, 24/7.  Indeed it was but it was also during this time I truly understand him and see through all his ways and character, indeed he is a nice and caring person but I also see some of his character flaws which I would not have known if I did not spend such long time with him.  Suddenly I realised he is not as perfect or as angellic as I always hold him to be, in that moment something stirred and snap in me,  I understand we were not meant to be together. After the trip, in time we slowly drift apart as I no longer put so much effort to maintain the relationship.

I know there is life out there even if he is not in the picture,  for the first time in many years I felt "free" and happy in a way.  I opened up to other people which before I didnt because I always think or want him to be the "One".  

 

Few years later,  I met up with my bf and we are together still after many years and we are running a business together and living together.  And my first meeting with my bf wasnt even a proper date,  it was just for "fun", well one thing lead to another, thats another story.

 

Basically what I want to say is ....it wont work with a str8 guy.  You have to broaden your gay friends circles esp if you want a life partner.  In the long run you wont be happy being just "best friends"

 

I wish you all the best.

 

Hi FairyGodMother,

 

I really appreciate your advice. I woke up this morning (feeling better from last night) but I saw a string of texts which said something like he attempted to reconcile with his ex gf. I really want to give up, like how everything will fast forward and make me realise now that we will never work out and stop hoping for things to happen. This is really the most heart-breaking episodes I've even been through. To be honest, I am ready to spend my life alone (without a partner), maybe I'm thinking that way now - hopefully it'll change. I'm still in the terrible creaky closet (family stigma and stuff which I won't go there) which makes things worse for me. Million thanks again

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7 minutes ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

Hi FairyGodMother,

 

I really appreciate your advice. I woke up this morning (feeling better from last night) but I saw a string of texts which said something like he attempted to reconcile with his ex gf. I really want to give up, like how everything will fast forward and make me realise now that we will never work out and stop hoping for things to happen. This is really the most heart-breaking episodes I've even been through. To be honest, I am ready to spend my life alone (without a partner), maybe I'm thinking that way now - hopefully it'll change. I'm still in the terrible creaky closet (family stigma and stuff which I won't go there) which makes things worse for me. Million thanks again

 

All i can say is it takes time for some issues to be ironed out.

Pain is a part of growing up.

The life path of a homosexual is destined to be tougher than the common road.

Lets say I hated and resisted the identity until 3 years ago.

Although I am still in the closet, self-acceptance is like the best gift to myself in my whole life. Everyone else including family may judge us but we hold the verdict to our own lives.

Nobody except ourselves has the rights to pronounce us guilty

Cheers

Edited by Sirius_m
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22 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

Hey man, It's been a tormenting 2-weeks for me emotionally and mentally. Just when I thought I mustered enough courage to "forget" him, every night past 11PM my mind wanders off to how we used to spend time together and how he really enjoyed my company(or each others' company). Like I could see the sparkle in his eyes, beads of genuine happiness whenever I crack a funny joke or tease him shy.

 

I wanted to tell all BW bros that, I finally texted back sometime 1 week back. It was hard to send out the first message. He replied. I felt that I needed closure and I really want to move on in life. It isn't helping me cope with my work as I always drift away thinking how was he doing, and whether he was keeping well etc. These memories play back in my mind like a film without sound. I really cannot recall if I've loved anyone so dearly over the past 2+ decades of my life. Andy replied that he did think of me over the long "ghosting" period/episode from me. I didn't know if I was ready to confess to him over text. I know I'm not, and I would be contented to keep him as a friend. It was not how I envisioned my coming out to be. And I guess I have some closure now, he said he looked up to me as a big bro and wanted me to be happy wherever I was. These words, too casual but extremely piercing and soul-crushing as I read them to myself over and over again, I made no mistake in that. I'm so numb now, god freaking know how many nights over the last month I spent crying myself to sleep after re-reading our text conversations since 2017, the days where I innocently thought we may have the slightest chance of getting together (yes despite the 9 year age gap). Whatever whiskey and rum haphazard concoctions I could find in my alcohol collection were all lashed on my needy soul, just so I can numb the pain even more. I pray everyday now to whatever god can help me get my emotions out of the woods. I try very had to stop whatever feelings I had for Andy, I think I just didn't want to admit that unfortunately this is just purely unrequited love.

 

Guys I don't know how to deal with this properly, you may not know me personally but I'm sure many of you know what I'm going through. 


Nice hearing from you again, 
Sort out your feelings on him... like my prev, post mentioned. Who is him to you ?


A small brother to dote on or something else like boyfriend ?

 

-- He replied as he look at you like a big brother, that's cool you know, because sometimes i believe be it straight or gay, there's only 1 very close friend that we will talk just about anything under the sun, and share almost all our darkest secret together, knowing that we won't jeopardize the relationship with it, during quarrel/fight.
---- I think he also mentioned he trying to reconcile with his ex gf ... then wish him all the best lor, and move on.

You will have a closure like i said straight up face-2-face... prepare 1 or 2 weeks after for the feelings, let it(the feelings) flow, eventually you will move on...
delete everything about him, gifts maybe leave 1 or 2, the rest all throw, any cookies or gifts from then on, just straight up reject. if he insist, just drop back at his house.


once you got the answer to that burning question. You will know what to do, like i say, for better or worst, meet up with him and talk it out, (ok maybe not this CB period) damm.... 
From your replies, i believe you more into having him as your boyfriend. Then hold up your balls, and talk to him straight up face-2-face, this kind of things better don't use Text or zoom or what. It's just not right.

i always believe, honestly is the key to a long lasting relationship, don't matter how good or bad it is...

well, if i am in your shoe, I will keep this relationship, and even make him feel happy to be with you too... Just like how he wants you to be happy

Sort out your feelings for him first that burning question had yet to be answered in your heart

PS: What do you think he will feel when he knows you went into "Whatever whiskey and rum haphazard concoctions you could find" to try to forget him ? I think it's also time for you to think on his shoe too... not as a lover, but as a friend, a really close friend who cares about you...

PSS: You know what will be a blast ? when you learn something new that he never know you could, like playing piano or scuba diving... you can rope him in together... Imagine how amazed he will feel when you played the song that he like the most on piano for him, (of coz on a display set) hahaha...

Edited by ThePineapple

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Guest Klairz
1 hour ago, ThePineapple said:


Nice hearing from you again, 
Sort out your feelings on him... like my prev, post mentioned. Who is him to you ?


A small brother to dote on or something else like boyfriend ?

 

-- He replied as he look at you like a big brother, that's cool you know, because sometimes i believe be it straight or gay, there's only 1 very close friend that we will talk just about anything under the sun, and share almost all our darkest secret together, knowing that we won't jeopardize the relationship with it, during quarrel/fight.
---- I think he also mentioned he trying to reconcile with his ex gf ... then wish him all the best lor, and move on.

You will have a closure like i said straight up face-2-face... prepare 1 or 2 weeks after for the feelings, let it(the feelings) flow, eventually you will move on...
delete everything about him, gifts maybe leave 1 or 2, the rest all throw, any cookies or gifts from then on, just straight up reject. if he insist, just drop back at his house.


once you got the answer to that burning question. You will know what to do, like i say, for better or worst, meet up with him and talk it out, (ok maybe not this CB period) damm.... 
From your replies, i believe you more into having him as your boyfriend. Then hold up your balls, and talk to him straight up face-2-face, this kind of things better don't use Text or zoom or what. It's just not right.

i always believe, honestly is the key to a long lasting relationship, don't matter how good or bad it is...

well, if i am in your shoe, I will keep this relationship, and even make him feel happy to be with you too... Just like how he wants you to be happy

Sort out your feelings for him first that burning question had yet to be answered in your heart

PS: What do you think he will feel when he knows you went into "Whatever whiskey and rum haphazard concoctions you could find" to try to forget him ? I think it's also time for you to think on his shoe too... not as a lover, but as a friend, a really close friend who cares about you...

PSS: You know what will be a blast ? when you learn something new that he never know you could, like playing piano or scuba diving... you can rope him in together... Imagine how amazed he will feel when you played the song that he like the most on piano for him, (of coz on a display set) hahaha...

 

Your Replies always lift me up while reading. I admit I want to have him as a BF more than a little Brother. I can't help it why I'm always so happy to receive a text (although it's usually short and rather sparse, i guess its just guys). In terms of doing things for him, I must say I have gone way more (maybe because I'm so much older and have the capacity to do it) to keep/make him happy (or at least I hope he genuinely is). I exchanged more messages, and he is indeed trying to reconcile with her. I've given him my blessings (honestly from the bottom of my heart) and I think I'll save the confession. Maybe once in awhile I'll have relapse on crushing on him or what, I don't know!

 

I actually sent him some recording of myself playing the piano at home for him, mostly Pop songs ! If you've heard of Enrique Iglesias - Hero ? But I think the age gap too big, he didn't and would't get the message of that song, Lol ! I try to find things to distract myself now, Not easy at all ! Stupid Brain and Stupid Heart ! Always go after the things which I'm not supposed to have ! 

 

PS: RUM is terrible, growing to like Whiskey alot, but of course in moderation ! 

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Came across 2 guys in their late 20s whose bfs are about 20 years old than them. Coincidentally, both are Malaysian chn working in SG. So, 9 years difference is no big deal.

I guess the one possible problem is that the younger ones seem to more restless and energetic and could be still be looking for some nsa kicks even though they are already in a r/s.

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On 4/28/2020 at 1:19 PM, Guest Klairz said:

 

Thanks a lot for your concern. I never knew one soul could cause so much hurt and misery toward another soul. I didn't reply Andy as I knew nothing good will come out of it in the end. It's just gonna be me and myself longing to spend my time with Andy (now that CB period is extended, I wonder how long more I can endure). Every single waking moment is a struggle I swear, it's not easy. But still not over him yet. Sigh, I can't recall how many sleepless nights I numbed myself with my trusted friend - Jack Daniels. Many times I would re-visit our pics and chat conversations since 2017 on FB messenger, and boy did it bring a smile to my face. Looking back, I don't even know when I started to develop such attached feelings for someone, I never felt this way before. Can't help to think I'm just too naive feeling I'm grown up and all when I'm Aunt Agony for some of my close buddies who faced problems in the r/s, when I think I can take big shit ton load of work and scolding from my clients, boss etc. over the past 6-7 years, but when it comes to matters of the heart I'm just as clueless, vulnerable wreck like everyone else. 

 

So Andy Did text me once about 6-7 days ago - which I did not reply to. And just 2 days ago he sent another to check on how I was doing. I had held myself back from replying for a couple of days but I would't want to come off as "ignoring" him completely (we may meet up in a group setting come June or so after the CB is lifted) so I tried my best to give uninterested replies consisting of one-three words. Suddenly he said that he prepared some cookies which he had baked during the CB period and wanted to drop it off at my house. I politely rejected him multiple times citing lame excuses like I'm not feeling well, on Zoom meetings etc. he still dropped it off and told me to accept it, and that I could choose to do what I wanted with it after receiving it. Andy also made me promise to give him feedback on the cookies. That is something so cute and adorable, (and stubborn at the same time) which I stupidly adore of him. I held myself back again from replying. Please give me the strength to end this before CB ends, I want to move on from this obsession I have. Not a single day goes by without me thinking of him.

 

SO what would you have done differently if you could turn back the clock bro? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Honestly, I think Andy is quite nice compared to the ones I met. He still bother to text u, drop u cookies etc. Of cos I not sure what he see u as. My suggestion is to confess. 1) u will nv know he felt the same just for u? To me is so Long there is chance don give up hope. 2) after u confess, if he don like u, it is easier to cut off everything. Time will heal ur wound.

 

myself I also fell in love with a guy 7yrs younger boy ( a straight too). He is probably worst than Andy, I Guess, when he needed help, no matter what it is, so Long I am able to do (money/advice/time) I will give it all I can. 1 day I did confess, of cos things don went well. He will still contact me as that point in time he still needed help. I did still help him(I know kinda stupid, cos deeply in love). When he need help he will find me, when don need me no text nothing, go out with his friends etc but just never me. Never had done a single things just for me. It is alright for me, when he found new gf, I broke off all contacts with him. Several years had past, sometimes I will still go his ig to see how is he cos he did not lock his profile. But no feeling already. 
 

this is why i suggest confess and if nothing went well den cut it off might be better. Well wish u best of luck.

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