Am I Sick?

[Guest Corn]

I really not sure am i alright? Normally if i saw someone good looking or my type, if i know they are gay or bi, i won't really feel extremely happy even they have romance with me, deep insdie how i wish they are real straight, have a normal family with kids. I accept what i am but don't really feel good when someone like me, weird? Whenever i saw those normal guys bring they family out with joy, i happy for them & like to see that, to me that's the most complete

[GachiMuchi]

Firstly, "Real Str8" guys with family won't have romance with you. Those guys whom are married that romance you will either be bi or closet gay.

Basically, you are looking for some sort of "compensation" from the things which you do not have. I believe you may have come from a broken home and or a home with no role model, e.g. a family with a dominant mother instead of father. But I think it is more likely you may have a family with an absent father.

You may also have some self-esteem issues or feeling of "unworthiness" as well as a fear of commitment. It seems you carry way too much baggage to really lead a happy life, even if it stares you right in the face.

My suggestion is for you to seek help and look into your underlying problem. I guess it has something to do with your childhood.

I hope you resolved your issues and hope you find your peace in your life.

[oralb]

GM:

i think that's not what corn meant, from what i understand, he hoped that those guys he liked or his type to be, err, "normal" (non PLU)

in fact he even hoped that those folks will have a happy family.

personally i felt he had really a kind heart to wish for the best of others. However i also felt that deep down, he despied himself being a PLU or in fact felt PLU isnt normal.

he felt that only having a family (wife and kids) will be conside a "whole" for a man.

while he resigned himself to fate (that he is a PLU) he hoped that this "evil" is only contained in him.

I can only say that not all "normal" family ended up happy, and not all PLU will be unhappy. Also PLU can also form family or partners to take care of each other.

[HIV+]

Hi GM,you are right about your comments.I used to feel that many yrs back ago.But I agree with OB,sometimes I wish that some of PLU or Bi can have a family started.Be happy with it.

Cus what I feel that some of the guys got so much qualities to be a good father.

But come to think of it again,it may not be the same feeling when they are with gals.

[skylancer]

Hi GM,you are right about your comments.I used to feel that many yrs back ago.But I agree with OB,sometimes I wish that some of PLU or Bi can have a family started.Be happy with it.

Cus what I feel that some of the guys got so much qualities to be a good father.

But come to think of it again,it may not be the same feeling when they are with gals.

Agree with u HIV+, but relationship is depend on both parties. if really there is no chemistry with the gal.. then how to have XXX with a gal when u know that u only like to do with guys?

Anyway, i also have the bad encounters with parents. but i know wat i m doing.. as long as my parents and my dar are happy will do.. i don wish much...

Just like marriage, even they had children, sex, career. but the feeling is not there... break up also possible.

Actually, corn i dont think u are sick la.. u just want someone to understand ur feeling towards life.. i guess..

[mature40s]

Although corn explicitly said that he accepts what he is, however I suspect that he is still in the denial stage (psychologically). Nevertheless, I admire corn for his altruism. What corn saw is only the beautiful side of the family. I have been involved in social work for the past 20 years and I have seen umpteen number of dysfunctional families.

My suggestion to corn is to be true to himself and live life with no regrets. I believe corn has alot of love to offer and he can always shower his love on his nieces/nephews (if any) or get involve in social/charitable work. Or perhaps adopt some unfortunate children in less developed countries by supporting their education. This will help to a large extent in making him a "complete" person.

[Guest Corn]

i born in a family tat don't really neeed to worry about " Money ", parents never ask me to do whatever i dislike, brothers all get married & yet they never push me on this. They respect me in whatever i do.

i never lack of ppl chasing after me, but this is not important, i can say that most ppl envy the "outside " of me, just dunno why i always feel incomplete inside me, just lack of something.

if GM think that i am from a broken family, i am not but a very warm happy family.some people even say i over spoilt & get pamper, i like to see happy couples esp those who have kids & those old stay happily with their family.

I am sad that this won't happen with me though i accept what i am, how many aj people can still with their lover when they getting old, i know not all str having happy family, however in this aj circle worst right?Most when young most love relationship only last a year or two, how when old?

Maybe i have most thing i want, so make me feel more incomplete & sad, maybe i really think too much...

[gashbell]

if GM think that i am from a broken family, i am not but a very warm happy family."

I can almost relate to how you feel, being from a "normal" family where all the siblings are married. Am always happy when there's family gathering with everyone turning up. However, I do not really envy them cos they have their issues as well. Str couple do break up also, and love, like most thing, fades with time.

[oralb]

basically the grass is always greener on the other side

who knows maybe your siblings envy your carefree and freedom lifestyle?

[Guest Guest_Shaberu]

You are not sick, sometimes people feel empty even they do not lack anything but desire. What you have to do is to find your own emptiness. It is difficult to differentiate emptiness and desire. It just a thin line i would say. What human have to learn is to be responsible with their own life.

[Guest PrimeTime]

I am sad that this won't happen with me though i accept what i am, how many aj people can still with their lover when they getting old, i know not all str having happy family, however in this aj circle worst right?Most when young most love relationship only last a year or two, how when old?

Maybe i have most thing i want, so make me feel more incomplete & sad, maybe i really think too much...

my bf and i are near to our 50 and we have been together for 20 years. we have a couple friend, one is 52 and his partner is 70 and they have been together for 32 years. And another couple, one is 52 and his bf is 56 and been together for 27 years. And another couple, one is 55 and his partner is 60 and they have been together for 26 years.

though these are the only few that i know of a gay longterm relationship [ltr], it speaks that gay ltr can exist. bottomline, a relationship is about sharing - it is about enduring all odds and to make the ends work.

we are all in our prime time, with some already enjoying his retirement. unfortunately, at our age, health no longer is that kind to us. but what keeps us going with the relationship is the joy that each other brings. it is this joy, and love, that keeps us young. to us, happiness is our journey and the destination is for each of us to rest in peace knowing that we have accomplished our life with greatest joy.

sometimes, it is good to focus inward before we haste to look at the outside and cloud our minds with negativity. we reap from what we sow. each day, when we start loving our soul and mind and feed them with tenderness and positivity, it also brings out our attraction to others.

perhaps, you might want to start to inject love within you. thinking is a must but to think for everything that's not important to your immediate needs is a burden. some people would say, 'dont fret on small things'. life is more than just measuring and observation - it is about being pro-active. love is a connection and only the believer seeks to find it.

may you feel love, corn.

[VOCE]

When you start think negative side of life, u are already sick.

What u need to do now is open up yourself and get out and see the world.

There is still lot of gay couples out there who can keep their relationship last for ages in their own way. Just becos u dunno any, doesn't mean that it is not exist.

[harylok]

Corn,

Normal Guy (non BI nor Gay?!) to love or to be loved?!

Most probably, you can only find love in brotherhood & not the men2men kinda relationship.

Juz ask yourself, how would one normal straight guy wants to love another man?

Regards,

[GachiMuchi]

Thanks for clarifying. It was based my assumption on general info given by you and comparing with the general human behaviours of most people, thus it is just an assumption.

The term "compensation" refers in general of people looking to find something which they "wished they had" for something they don't have or cannot have. Like those chaser who likes chubs who themselves aren't chub or guy who goes for father figure type, etc.

Anyway, it did seems that you were compensating for thing you don't have or can't have too; which in this case is a "family". Still I would suggest you get to the root of your "unhappiness" or unfulfilled so that you it will find relieve.

Relationship will have the same ups and downs regardless of whether you are str8 or gay or otherwise.

Find the demon which is eating you and conquer it, only then will you find peace.

[bearlova]

Thank you PrimeTime in restoring my faith that a long term, loving and faithful relationship within the PLU circle is possible. I wish you, your loved one and your friends long lasting happiness, romance and companionship.