How To Confront Him

[Guest ga]

i am age 38 top, he is 10 years younger pure btm with high sex needs. together for several years.

last 2 years he hinting he wants more sex. last week i ran into a gay friend. he showed me some of his conquest on grindr. there was a younger man whom i recognise as him. they have exchanged private photos and he say that younger man is also his fxxk buddy. i know he needs the sex but very disappointed he did outside on grindr. i want to confront him, but scare he will call it off. how ...

[EasleyLim]

Communication is key. Just ask him about it, don't make a big fuss out of it. Let him explain himself and decide from there. We can't really recommend anything until we hear both side of the story :/

Perhaps the older ones here would comment on his situation?

[abang]

对不起, 老师又要罗嗦了。。

Before you decide whether to discuss the matter with him, are you prepared for the worst case scenario?

WHat if you can accept the consquences?

Is his sexual affairs purely physical.. can you accept it.....

Edited November 10, 2012 by abang

[Exynos]

yikes...

i don't know, but i think you need to know what YOU want to do about the situation. what is the answer? what is the outcome you're hoping for? what is it you want to do about this?

if you aren't planning on yelling at him and asking him what the hell he was doing, maybe you could (and really should) sit down and talk to him. ask him if the lack of sex in your relationship is bothering him. you can't decide what's the next step if you don't know what's on his mind. if you listen to him, maybe you will discover something you never knew before.

and if the worst thing happens, and you really call it off with him, then maybe it isn't mean to be this time round. best of luck

[whoiam]

i am age 38 top, he is 10 years younger pure btm with high sex needs. together for several years.

last 2 years he hinting he wants more sex. last week i ran into a gay friend. he showed me some of his conquest on grindr. there was a younger man whom i recognise as him. they have exchanged private photos and he say that younger man is also his fxxk buddy. i know he needs the sex but very disappointed he did outside on grindr. i want to confront him, but scare he will call it off. how ...

you want him to stop having fun with others? I think most likely he cant stop (yet). It's just who he is. So the decision is all yours: whether you accept this open relationship, or break up. Are you ready to make that decision?

[SeannyShortcake]

What do you want to achieve by confronting him?

He wants more sex and you can't give it to him.

So he goes about and finds other people.

I infer that you still want this relationship to go on.

Be prepared to know that he might call it off/may not stop playing outside.

[Guest Ironrod]

I would tight him up and ask my friend (whom is his fxxk buddy) 3 way him after that breakup.

I am 39 TOP and there is always a cuter ass out there.

Why would I want to waste my limited gay life on a slut/whore/bitch (whatever u guys want to call it)

If there is no "Till death do us apart" then I would prefer to be free and "enjoy while it last".

But that's just me and my opinion.

[GachiMuchi]

All confrontation will never ends well.

So it all depends on how much you want to treasure your relationship with him.

Many couples do faces such situations like yours, so yours is not an isolated case.

At the end of the day, only you and him can come to an agreement how you want you relationship to proceed.

What you can't provide, somehow, someone will have to do the job,

It can be a small matter or can be blown into a big issue. It all rest upon how you guys handle matters.

[Guest guest]

am sure gachi muchi can do a good job helping u do wat u cant do to yr bf.wonder if there such services in this market where they just dial a number asking someone to do the difficult job?at least both parties are present , bf can witness the whole job , both get satisfation at the end of the session, and both are happy together again.it sound like a advertisement.

[Guest Guest]

What you can't provide, somehow, someone will have to do the job,

Agree with GachiMuchi.

You can't provide your bf enough sex, so he has no choice but to look elsewhere for more.

You can't really blame him for being a slut/whore/bitch.

[Guest Ironrod]

Agree with GachiMuchi.

You can't provide your bf enough sex, so he has no choice but to look elsewhere for more.

You can't really blame him for being a slut/whore/bitch.

I have to disagree - the beauty of a r/s is when 2 ppl work hard together to make it work.

The problem is the btm did not discuss with the top before engage external help. TS found out from A FRIEND! - that in a r/s is call "betrayal".

Lets be very clear abt this matter before giving advice.

[EasleyLim]

I have to disagree - the beauty of a r/s is when 2 ppl work hard together to make it work.

The problem is the btm did not discuss with the top before engage external help. TS found out from A FRIEND! - that in a r/s is call "betrayal".

Lets be very clear abt this matter before giving advice.

To be fair, GM didn't said it's ok to cheat because the sex drive was unfulfilled. All he did was explain why it happened.

And at random guest, just because what he did was understandable doesn't mean it's correct.

[Guest Guest]

Agree with GachiMuchi.

You can't provide your bf enough sex, so he has no choice but to look elsewhere for more.

You can't really blame him for being a slut/whore/bitch.

Your first sentence is right, its the reason for why thing has happened.

As for your second sentence, i gonna disagree. He didnt voice out, he didnt talk to his bf and he didnt confess. He is cheating. He is not only a whore/slut/bitch but it speaks about his character and integrity as a person.

Well TS, if you are decent and faithful, then only u know urself whether u deserve someone better.

[janth]

Live and let live, f**k and let f**k.

[thaiboyz]

AJ relationship is complicated and can have many implications behind one's act. At the end of the day, u and him jus have to reach an even point which parties are comfortable at. If I am in Ur situation, I have to bring out the subject and settle it once and for all, rather than pretend not to know. U have to think over the ways which u wan to bring this subject to him to minimize quarrel and fight. I am sure he has his reasons and pls be patient to listen him out. Nvr jump into conclusion and assert Ur angry remarks which won't help but strain Ur relationship. Handle it maturely and aim for peaceful ending Good luck

[abang]

No one handles a confrontation well but it can be done tactfully.

Just like yesterday when my maid returned later (by almost an hour) on her day-off,

I had the option to "Scream" at her.

However I did this:

I told her that both my mother and I were worried about her safety as she did not call.

We didnt want to call her because we cannot bear to hear bad news.

She apologised and promised to return home punctually in the future.

Thus, we avoided a head-on collision.

What you can do is ..

To discuss it at a open/public space e.g. a better restaurant.

Plan your words properly and anticipate his reactions.

You must have a Plan A/B/C solution ready.

Positive thinking

Tell him that you have news that he is having other sexual partners..

If he repents, tell him the matter is now "water under a bridge"

If he denies, tell him the truth and that he can still come back to you.

Negative thinking

If he asks for a break-up, tell him that ge-ge is a good catch.

He may be seeking sexual gratification but ge-ge is the one who loves him.

[Guest Ironrod]

To be fair, GM didn't said it's ok to cheat because the sex drive was unfulfilled. All he did was explain why it happened.

And at random guest, just because what he did was understandable doesn't mean it's correct.

lol i didnt disagree with GM.

i was disagreeing the guest whom blame TS and make it sounds like it's ok to fxxk around just becos your bf didn't give u enough sex.

I don't like the tone the guest use, a bf is not a sex toy even a slave boy deserve certain level of respect and mutual agreement/understanding.

[EasleyLim]

lol i didnt disagree with GM.

i was disagreeing the guest whom blame TS and make it sounds like it's ok to fxxk around just becos your bf didn't give u enough sex.

I don't like the tone the guest use, a bf is not a sex toy even a slave boy deserve certain level of respect and mutual agreement/understanding.

I understand. I was just pointing out any perceived misconception that someone else could have.

[Donatelloversace]

fxxk his fren and let his fren tell him that.

If he's ok, then you shld be too.

Straight couples stray even after marriage.

Chill and have fun. Life is too short to be miserable over one person.

[Speedos]

I think the most important issue is whether he still loves you. If his heart is no longer yours, then there is no point in carrying on. Otherwise, just forgive him and move on and try to satisfy his need for sex. If you really cannot keep up with him, you can get medical assistance. Frankly discuss your condition with a guy doctor. Be brave, you need not feel embarrased.

[Guest touch only]

In my case, I am the bottom who is much more sexed up than my bf. My bf who is 9 yrs older has a low sex drive due to his age (approaching 50) and is fine with our current sex life (once or twice a month).

I, however am not satisfied. But because I love him to pieces and does not want to betray our relationship, I still cruise (when I feel the itch) simply for the fun of it (he knows) but NOT have any sex whatsoever. I just touch and let the other guy touch as well. I stop at touching. I do not allow any kisses, sucking or fxxking at all whatsoever. After each episode, I come home, imagine in my mind the whole course happening and just shag it out. Sometimes, I use the dildo as well.

Do you guys think I have true love for him, or am I plain stupid and pathetic? To the TS, I think you had better find someone better. Drop him at once!

[Guest Ironrod]

In my case, I am the bottom who is much more sexed up than my bf. My bf who is 9 yrs older has a low sex drive due to his age (approaching 50) and is fine with our current sex life (once or twice a month).

I, however am not satisfied. But because I love him to pieces and does not want to betray our relationship, I still cruise (when I feel the itch) simply for the fun of it (he knows) but NOT have any sex whatsoever. I just touch and let the other guy touch as well. I stop at touching. I do not allow any kisses, sucking or fxxking at all whatsoever. After each episode, I come home, imagine in my mind the whole course happening and just shag it out. Sometimes, I use the dildo as well.

Do you guys think I have true love for him, or am I plain stupid and pathetic? To the TS, I think you had better find someone better. Drop him at once!

Lets do the body.

If your bf is 50, u will be 41.

Lets do the heart.

How long you both have being together. Was sex hot then eventually die off or in the beginning it's already like that?

Finally, lets do the soul.

U want to be single and free for fxxk or attached with your old man and grow old together?

You add the Body+ heart+ soul = you will get your answer.

Oh there is a thread call "where to find uncle" maybe get a younger guy who likes uncle to be your "son" so now u have mother (you), father (your bf) and son whom can fxxk you! How wonderful no?

Talk to your bf abt it - it's a problem both of you have to solve it. If he is not interested, then what is true love?

[oralb]

let's work one step back, when TS said "together" did he mean together as BF or together as buddy?

and even in the BF stage, did both agree upon an open or close relationship?

the thing is from the way that the TS wrote, it seemed more like a F buddy relationship as he was afraid that the confrontation would "scare he will call it off"

[Guest Guest]

In my case, I am the bottom who is much more sexed up than my bf. My bf who is 9 yrs older has a low sex drive due to his age (approaching 50) and is fine with our current sex life (once or twice a month).

I, however am not satisfied. But because I love him to pieces and does not want to betray our relationship, I still cruise (when I feel the itch) simply for the fun of it (he knows) but NOT have any sex whatsoever. I just touch and let the other guy touch as well. I stop at touching. I do not allow any kisses, sucking or fxxking at all whatsoever. After each episode, I come home, imagine in my mind the whole course happening and just shag it out. Sometimes, I use the dildo as well.

Do you guys think I have true love for him, or am I plain stupid and pathetic? To the TS, I think you had better find someone better. Drop him at once!

Yeah,it's like saying i smoke but did not inhale.

[Guest Guest]

Uhm.....

Imagine this. You are at the bus stop trying to catch a bus, just realising that the bus left when the driver knowingly knew that you are at the bus stop.....

And you are wondering if you should run after the bus, and what you would say to the bus driver?

Are you that pathetic?

He basically spat in your face, and who knows if he only has one "regular" buddy? And you still want him back?

OMG. Grow a pair and move on.

[darkflame]

If you are meant to be together, you will be together.

I always end up looking at Yahoo Answers instead of confrontation but it ends up as a waste of time.