Single & Living Alone Discussion (compiled)

[lean n mean]

it's vital for singles to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own and enjoy themselves in the process. It's a life skill that's really worth the effort to constantly practice on your own. Be you own best friend and you will appreciate the time when you are alone instead of feeling lonely by yourself. 

 

as for whether it's better to be single or attached, it depends on your character too. I have been single for a very long time and I have very close friends who are attached forever. From my observation, I don't feel i am happier or sadder than them tbh. so maybe that explains why I don't have the desire to get myself hitched. plus i kinda suck (pun unintended) when I was in past relationships.

[Dan 28]

If only sex is needed to keep the relationship alive ....forget it ....everyone gets older by the day ...I would rather be rich and single 

Edited June 28, 2019 by Dan 28

[Guest guest]

Human being by creation is not meant to be single and alone, it is still better to be bond with someone, be it friends or partner.

[fab]

11 minutes ago, Guest guest said:

Human being by creation is not meant to be single and alone, it is still better to be bond with someone, be it friends or partner.

 

有人的地方就有江湖，

有江湖就有恩怨，

有恩怨就有轮回，

有轮回就有苦。

[Guest guest]

5 minutes ago, fab said:

 

有人的地方就有江湖，

有江湖就有恩怨，

有恩怨就有轮回，

有轮回就有苦。

有人的地方就有是非， 就有分争， 就有恩怨。

[feedersmiracle]

I think I'm not considered old enough to answer your question... But I also did wonder if I am going to be single at one point because I didn't understand the meaning of relationships... It was only when I said okay fine I'll be single. See how can I improve myself. That was when my current guy came along. Have been together for 2.5 years.

 

I think what you need is like a close friend. Doesn't need to be a partner but can be there when things falling apart. I have one such friend. We met in sec 1 and now I'm 24. Do math

[Guest guest]

Having a close friend or partner is important.

[amuse.ed]

.

Edited September 6, 2021 by amuse.ed

[LeanMature]

On 6/26/2019 at 11:32 PM, repressednerd said:

There is a difference between single and lonely. 

 

If you are alone and always want to find someone, you are lonely. If you are alone and feel happy and satisfied surrounded by friends alike, that is single. 

 

As for me, going to meet ups (non-sex) is enough to satisfy me so that I don't feel any burning need to find someone. Interactions with people, even if platonic, are enough for me.

 

There are those alone and feel happy being alone but always want to find someone for sex only. 

[dsd]

Being single not good. Masturbate a lot.

Sometimes up to 3 or 4 times a day.

 

Being attached better.

Once a day or once every few days still can feel satisfied.

[Guest 小熊叔]

On 6/29/2019 at 2:17 PM, Guest guest said:

有人的地方就有是非， 就有分争， 就有恩怨。

有人的地方就有是非，是非 为了性

就有分争，纷争为了男人

就有恩怨。男人争男人就有恩怨。

[derryfawne]

It really depends on what you're looking for in life at this point of time.

 

Being single is alright if your priority is not to get attached right now.

I've been single for 2 years now and actually enjoying my life. though I think I'm probably ready to start getting to know people again but hey, not in a rush....

[Guest guest]

On 7/1/2019 at 11:40 PM, derryfawne said:

It really depends on what you're looking for in life at this point of time.

 

Being single is alright if your priority is not to get attached right now.

I've been single for 2 years now and actually enjoying my life. though I think I'm probably ready to start getting to know people again but hey, not in a rush....

if the person has a plan what to do in his life, being single actually not bad. Cause everyday busy with many things. But if you are those no goals and no plans in life, being single might lead to depression, cause too free and ended up think too much.

[Steve5380]

On 6/25/2019 at 3:24 AM, fab said:

From the POV of a practitioner, singlehood is good.

 

It's a sign of letting go of greed and particularly, lust.

 

 

You might be missing something,  since you assume that being in a relationship fosters greed and lust.

 

On 6/29/2019 at 12:49 AM, Guest guest said:

Human being by creation is not meant to be single and alone, it is still better to be bond with someone, be it friends or partner.

 

If you know for sure what we are meant to be,  you must be The Creator.

[fab]

1 hour ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You might be missing something,  since you assume that being in a relationship fosters greed and lust.

 

 

 

I will miss Samara.

 

On 6/29/2019 at 1:49 PM, Guest guest said:

Human being by creation is not meant to be single and alone, it is still better to be bond with someone, be it friends or partner.

 

Though we live in a society or community of specialisation, We are born and die alone.

 

Emotionally it is better not too be attached to one another.  

 

[Steve5380]

31 minutes ago, fab said:

 

I will miss Samara.

 

 

Though we live in a society or community of specialisation, We are born and die alone.

 

Emotionally it is better not too be attached to one another.  

 

 

What "Samara" are you missing?

 

Yes, from our personal selfish perspective we are born and die alone.

But these events can have profound influences in other people.

We are not born from eggs or seeds, but from a mother for whom we fetus and baby are the most important thing in the world.

And very often our death will deeply influence other people who will forever suffer our absence.

 

Emotional attachment can be a fundamental part of human experience.  To be enlightened and avoid attachment to escape its suffering deprives us from this experience.

[fab]

Missing as in I won't be going through samsara.

 

What u have said is from the perspective of human beings. However as a practising Buddhist my aim is not be human being again.

Edited July 6, 2019 by fab

[repressednerd]

On 7/3/2019 at 10:16 PM, Guest guest said:

if the person has a plan what to do in his life, being single actually not bad. Cause everyday busy with many things. But if you are those no goals and no plans in life, being single might lead to depression, cause too free and ended up think too much.

 

Have to agree with this. If you have a few major life goals, you won't be too caught up in thinking about having no partner. 

 

A warm bachelor pad, my Macbook, chill out music and some whiskey is enough for my weekends. I'm mostly stuck on microsoft word, Netflix or YouTube. 

[Steve5380]

On 7/5/2019 at 11:33 PM, fab said:

Missing as in I won't be going through samsara.

 

What u have said is from the perspective of human beings. However as a practising Buddhist my aim is not be human being again.

 

I wish you good luck attaining enlightenment.

 

But...  how can you be sure you will not go through samsara again?  

Is this your option?  Can you choose not to reincarnate?

And if you have to reincarnate, what would you like to become instead of a human?

 

[fab]

30 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

I wish you good luck attaining enlightenment.

 

 

Thanks.

 

 

30 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

30 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

But...  how can you be sure you will not go through samsara again?  

 

By attaining enlightenment.

 

31 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

 

Is this your option?  

 

Yes. 

 

33 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

 Can you choose not to reincarnate?

 

 

 

Any enlightened being can choose not to.

 

34 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

 

And if you have to reincarnate, what would you like to become instead of a human?

 

 

A Bodhisattva.

 

 

[LeanMature]

On 7/6/2019 at 10:59 PM, repressednerd said:

 

Have to agree with this. If you have a few major life goals, you won't be too caught up in thinking about having no partner. 

 

A warm bachelor pad, my Macbook, chill out music and some whiskey is enough for my weekends. I'm mostly stuck on microsoft word, Netflix or YouTube. 

 

Right, if given a choice, no one want to be single.  If given no choice, then be happy and comfortable to remain a single.

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, fab said:

Thanks.

 

By attaining enlightenment.

 

Yes. 

 

Any enlightened being can choose not to.

 

A Bodhisattva.

 

 

Good.  If you reincarnate as a Bodhisattva, I hope you do it close to where I will reincarnate and help me with enlightenment too! 

 

[gstringuy26]

I think you should be considered blessed if you only have to take care of yourself! 

If your whole life had been taken care of then you are a lucky star!

[LeanMature]

1 hour ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Good.  If you reincarnate as a Bodhisattva, I hope you do it close to where I will reincarnate and help me with enlightenment too! 

 

 

A learned one told me that even the Buddha cannot help you to gain enlightenment. The Wise One only shows you the way, you have to walk yourself, Steve.

[Steve5380]

28 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

 

A learned one told me that even the Buddha cannot help you to gain enlightenment. The Wise One only shows you the way, you have to walk yourself, Steve.

 

But showing the way is not an act of helping?

[LeanMature]

22 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

But showing the way is not an act of helping?

 

I can show you the best route to run the marathon, whether you can complete the full marathon to the finish line depends on you.  So does this consider an act of helping ?  

[blueblueblue]

I’d rather be attached. Especially as get older. Nice feeling to have someone to spend weekends having meals together etc. 

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

I can show you the best route to run the marathon, whether you can complete the full marathon to the finish line depends on you.  So does this consider an act of helping ?  

 

Of course, if you need to know where the marathon will be run.  "To help" does not mean to do everything for you.

[Garyl]

Time

"I am sorry for the things i said

I am sorry for the things i did

Now that i have met you(my bb),

I am sorry for the time i have lived without you.."

Composed in 2008

 

Life is a long journey and it's more fun and managebale if you can find someone to share it with.

Edited July 9, 2019 by Garyl

[fab]

13 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Good.  If you reincarnate as a Bodhisattva, I hope you do it close to where I will reincarnate and help me with enlightenment too! 

 

 

Aren't we close now?

 

14 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

Right, if given a choice, no one want to be single.  If given no choice, then be happy and comfortable to remain a single.

 

Actually many selfless wise people have chosen to be singles. 

 

In buddhism, we call this 大爱。

 

 

11 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

But showing the way is not an act of helping?

 

10 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

I can show you the best route to run the marathon, whether you can complete the full marathon to the finish line depends on you.  So does this consider an act of helping ?  

 

Guys, let's not go to semantics. 

Edited July 9, 2019 by fab

[Steve5380]

40 minutes ago, fab said:

 

Aren't we close now?

 

 

If you call 6,000 miles "close"...

[fab]

7 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

If you call 6,000 miles "close"...

 

But we speak a few times a day.

 

I bet more than many of your family  and friends. 

[repressednerd]

14 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

Right, if given a choice, no one want to be single.  If given no choice, then be happy and comfortable to remain a single.

 

Actually I chose to be single. Having the relationship with myself allows me to enjoy my life to the fullest, as I am quite selfish the free spirit. Sex is only to fulfill the animal habits of mine.

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, fab said:

 

But we speak a few times a day.

 

I bet more than many of your family  and friends. 

 

You are right.

 

But I prefer to meet you for this in a next life.  You as a fresh Bodhisattva and I with the opportunity to start out with zero religious influence, hence no skepticism about Buddhism and other beliefs, and with some more good karma that I'm sure I will get to my credit this life.  Maybe I reincarnate as an Asian, which would be fine with me since then I can be "sticky rice" 

 

[LeanMature]

9 hours ago, fab said:

 

Actually many selfless wise people have chosen to be singles. 

 

In buddhism, we call this 大爱

 

Guys, let's not go to semantics. 

 

But Buddhism does not advocate lay people to be singles, aside from the Sangha.  Being a gay Buddhist, it is also not necessary wise to choose to remain singles.  I have seen gay couples going temple and paying homage to the Wise One together. 

[LeanMature]

8 hours ago, repressednerd said:

 

Actually I chose to be single. Having the relationship with myself allows me to enjoy my life to the fullest, as I am quite selfish the free spirit. Sex is only to fulfill the animal habits of mine.

 

Maybe singlehood suit you more, only you know your own character better. Some people just not made to be in a relationship. 

[LeanMature]

6 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You are right.

 

But I prefer to meet you for this in a next life.  You as a fresh Bodhisattva and I with the opportunity to start out with zero religious influence, hence no skepticism about Buddhism and other beliefs, and with some more good karma that I'm sure I will get to my credit this life.  Maybe I reincarnate as an Asian, which would be fine with me since then I can be "sticky rice" 

 

 

Your next life will be an Asian listening Dharma talk from Fab, who will be a monk in his next life.

[fab]

3 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

But Buddhism does not advocate lay people to be singles, aside from the Sangha.  Being a gay Buddhist, it is also not necessary wise to choose to remain singles.  I have seen gay couples going temple and paying homage to the Wise One together. 

 

Being single is a form of letting go and hence non attachment of carnal desire. It is one of the 8 precepts. 

 

3 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

Your next life will be an Asian listening Dharma talk from Fab, who will be a monk in his next life.

 

How do you know if I am not one now?

 

 

10 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You are right.

 

But I prefer to meet you for this in a next life.  You as a fresh Bodhisattva and I with the opportunity to start out with zero religious influence, hence no skepticism about Buddhism and other beliefs, and with some more good karma that I'm sure I will get to my credit this life.  Maybe I reincarnate as an Asian, which would be fine with me since then I can be "sticky rice" 

 

 

Don't procrastinate, use your wisdom to discern the right teaching for yourself this life.

 

Don't waste the 70 plus years this life.

 

 

[raind]

Is being single good or not good?

 

my take: To each his own. No good, no bad. Just be happy. We can be alone and feel happy and connected to the larger society. Conversely, we can be in crowded places and yet feel lonely.

 

End of the day, our happiness is not and should

not be be dictated by whether one is single or otherwise, but by how we create meaning and purpose in our life.

[LeanMature]

52 minutes ago, fab said:

How do you know if I am not one now?

 

 

Everything is possible:

https://www.sammyboy.com/threads/sg-special-forces-soldier-becomes-a-monk.265403/#lg=_xfUid-1-1562735922&slide=0

 

[LeanMature]

5 minutes ago, raind said:

Is being single good or not good?

 

my take: To each his own. No good, no bad. Just be happy. We can be alone and feel happy and connected to the larger society. Conversely, we can be in crowded places and yet feel lonely.

 

End of the day, our happiness is not and should

not be be dictated by whether one is single or otherwise, but by how we create meaning and purpose in our life.

 

Well said; and alot had been said about being alone and being lonely.  When we had been living alone for so long, we no longer have the desire or the will to adjust and accommodate another person coming into our lives. 

[Guest Get Real]

15 hours ago, repressednerd said:

 

Actually I chose to be single. Having the relationship with myself allows me to enjoy my life to the fullest, as I am quite selfish the free spirit. Sex is only to fulfill the animal habits of mine.

You are the only normal guy that share the same chemistry as me.  I find most members here still don't get it.

[Guest Food Kaki, My Foot!]

1 hour ago, raind said:

my take: To each his own. No good, no bad. Just be happy. We can be alone and feel happy and connected to the larger society. Conversely, we can be in crowded places and yet feel lonely.

 

End of the day, our happiness is not and should

not be be dictated by whether one is single or otherwise, but by how we create meaning and purpose in our life.

It reminds me of going lunch in group with your colleague, you can't enjoy your food and felt compel to rush or eat slow according to the gang you are grouping with.  When I finally get to eat alone,  I enjoy every precious moment of chewing my food slowly and choose the type of food I love to eat and find the place I like to sit.   Same for being single.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, fab said:

 

Being single is a form of letting go and hence non attachment of carnal desire. It is one of the 8 precepts. 

 

Don't procrastinate, use your wisdom to discern the right teaching for yourself this life.

Don't waste the 70 plus years this life.

 

 

But being a couple is not only a way of having sex.  How about the love for another person?  Or is love also attachment?

 

If you are a monk already, I wish you even more success with enlightenment!

 

But for me,  my wisdom in this life is agnosticism.  I find no reason to believe that karma and reincarnation is indeed a fact.  If it is, I don't understand why this law of nature remains so hidden.  Am I wasting my 70+ years of life?  In Buddhism, are the repeated lives before enlightenment wasted, or are they ways to evolve, to improve?  What does it matter if one spends 100 lives instead of 10 lives before enlightenment?  Where is the rush?  Once enlightened, what is there left to do?  Is it like a "retirement" of the spirit?

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

Everything is possible:

https://www.sammyboy.com/threads/sg-special-forces-soldier-becomes-a-monk.265403/#lg=_xfUid-1-1562735922&slide=0

 

 

LOL!  It is amazing how many negative comments appear at the end of this article.  Are people really so blind?

[Guest guest]

6 hours ago, Guest Food Kaki, My Foot! said:

It reminds me of going lunch in group with your colleague, you can't enjoy your food and felt compel to rush or eat slow according to the gang you are grouping with.  When I finally get to eat alone,  I enjoy every precious moment of chewing my food slowly and choose the type of food I love to eat and find the place I like to sit.   Same for being single.

Not eating lunch with your colleague is view by others as you are anti-social or loner. Eventually you might get out-casted by your colleagues if you continue such behavior.

[fab]

On 7/10/2019 at 8:14 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

But being a couple is not only a way of having sex.  How about the love for another person?  Or is love also attachment?

 

If you are a monk already, I wish you even more success with enlightenment!

 

But for me,  my wisdom in this life is agnosticism.  I find no reason to believe that karma and reincarnation is indeed a fact.  If it is, I don't understand why this law of nature remains so hidden.  Am I wasting my 70+ years of life?  In Buddhism, are the repeated lives before enlightenment wasted, or are they ways to evolve, to improve?  What does it matter if one spends 100 lives instead of 10 lives before enlightenment?  Where is the rush?  Once enlightened, what is there left to do?  Is it like a "retirement" of the spirit?

 

In Buddhism, we only go for big love 大爱 i.e. the selfless love for all other beings equally. Any other love eg. Spouse, friendship, fillial piety etc are extravagant.

 

In Buddhism there's no such thing as blessing, wishing, bestowment etc. We believe in reap and sow only.

 

Have you not seen or watched any video regarding reincarnation? I remember there's an American wwi or ii pilot who reincarnated as his own grandson. The boy told his dad, or his son in the previous life about many personal things about the pilot which the boy couldn't have known. 

 

Initially I had problem accepting Buddhism, eg. I couldn't accept the teaching that longevity is a curse. It took time and effort.

 

Repeated lives are not wasted if you make efforts to improve each life and move towards the path of enlightenment.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 13, 2019 by fab

[LeanMature]

12 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

LOL!  It is amazing how many negative comments appear at the end of this article.  Are people really so blind?

 

They were probably jealous of him becoming a monk...hahaha.

[Steve5380]

2 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

 

They were probably jealous of him becoming a monk...hahaha.

 

Yes.  They surely are envious of not having the force of will that monks apply,  and so they poop on him.

[Curious94]

I feel that if we can learn to be independent and live happily being single, it would be better for relationships in the future. But of course, if our other half is too dependent then we might not like it or feel annoyed.

 

Just my personal opinion.