Single & Living Alone Discussion (compiled)

[Guest]

53 minutes ago, cloz8dude said:

Judging from the earlier posts about having to do things ourselves when it comes to health emergency or stuff like that, what if, you have a choice between;

1) Marrying a woman who loves you dearly(or maybe not but forced by your parents to marry) so that you won't be alone,

2) Just staying single because you can't find the right man or get married to the man you love and be alone forever?

Would you pick the first one?

i rather find a guy even if i dun love him that much than a woman. Woman totally no feel.

[lonely57]

5 minutes ago, Guest said:

i rather find a guy even if i dun love him that much than a woman. Woman totally no feel.

yes... women are hard to handle ? lol

[lonelyglobe]

16 hours ago, lonely57 said:

yes... women are hard to handle ? lol

well, men also not easy to handle leh.....cloz8dude, can add a third option: find a full time or part time male home nurse?

[lonely57]

2 minutes ago, lonelyglobe said:

well, men also not easy to handle leh.....cloz8dude, can add a third option: find a full time or part time male home nurse?

at least dont have to tahan all those mood swings.. 

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, lonelyglobe said:

well, men also not easy to handle leh.....cloz8dude, can add a third option: find a full time or part time male home nurse?

Any idea how to find male home nurse? Cost?

[abang]

OK this a field report at SGH.

The medical team brought forward my appt by a week because they need to give me a stronger and more effecive medication- which means, previous medication is deemed "wasted".

 

The consultation by a Senior Consultant was affordable but the 2 weeks medication was astronomical.  I will update you guys in 2 weeks' time.  

 

**

Good thing - I gained some weight ..from 49 kg to 56,7 kg.  The doctor wants me to take it easy before reaching the optimum 70 kg.  I have no chest now - super ugly spare ribs only.

Edited January 7, 2016 by abang
Grammar

[Steve5380]

13 hours ago, abang said:

OK this a field report at SGH.

The medical team brought forward my appt by a week because they need to give me a stronger and more effecive medication- which means, previous medication is deemed "wasted".

 

The consultation by a Senior Consultant was affordable but the 2 weeks medication was astronomical.  I will update you guys in 2 weeks' time.  

 

**

Good thing - I gained some weight ..from 49 kg to 56,7 kg.  The doctor wants me to take it easy before reaching the optimum 70 kg.  I have no chest now - super ugly spare ribs only.

 

Very good weight gain. Hang in there!  Now that you will get stronger medications, become an expert on what food your stomach likes and dislikes, and keep the food it likes simple and of good nutritional value. Become a FANATIC of healthy eating (no salt, condiments, sugars, acidic foods, etc) and maybe help your digestion with good probiotics.  No alcohol, sodas, cold drinks but whatever liquids fit well with your stomach. If it takes you a year to recover your ideal weight this is acceptable.  If you get used to healthy eating you may be able to extract a net benefit from your illness.  Of course losing 20 kg makes one look like a walking skeleton, but one recovers.

[abang]

This is  scary confession.

Despite all the brave facade, I am very fragile, physically, mentally and financially,

 

My ex-domestic helper bought me some food but they are either too sweet or too salty.  Sweet in MILO.. salty in all canned food.  I told her that please Aunty Roifah , you cannot spend your hard-earned money on me.  

 

Currently I am in a cyclic motion - a little interest and lots of TV.  I would normally dose of in the middle of the show and the sleeper timer is always set at 15 mins.  I do not want to lead this life, waiting ...... I need a social worker to assist me....真的无能再继续。。。人生再是这样的话， 正是“生不如死”

 

“我需要与人沟通。。。不能再是独居老人”  Come and talk to me..

[abang]

Last evening, a 29-year man came and asked me for some educational advice.  I was elated to help and in the end, he got the information and I found myself useful after 40 days of dizziness.   

 

I explained to him that I no longer seek sexual gratification from strangers or even ex-buddies.  Life is reduced to nothing.. Even porn cannot launch a rocket up to space.... 心里无欲无求 -徐小凤40年前已经把很多人生哲理放在“随想曲”。

[Guest hi]

Reading all abang posts, I realise that being lonely is terrible, I do not know my fate, but for my old partner, he is lucky to have me by his side, I won't be alone as I have someone same age, but we are not lovers, best friends for many years, but I am afraid if he dies first, will I be lonely?  Life is indeed suffering.

[Guest Teatree]

1 hour ago, Guest hi said:

Reading all abang posts, I realise that being lonely is terrible, I do not know my fate, but for my old partner, he is lucky to have me by his side, I won't be alone as I have someone same age, but we are not lovers, best friends for many years, but I am afraid if he dies first, will I be lonely?  Life is indeed suffering.

 

Being alone or lonely is not scary. It's a matter of adjustment. What is truly scary is when you lose your health, be it at 50, 60 or above. Because no one is there to take care of you, because you can't travel for a short holiday even you have the money. So you got to make all the decisions now when you still have the mental capacity to do so.

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Guest Teatree said:

 

Being alone or lonely is not scary. It's a matter of adjustment. What is truly scary is when you lose your health, be it at 50, 60 or above. Because no one is there to take care of you, because you can't travel for a short holiday even you have the money. So you got to make all the decisions now when you still have the mental capacity to do so.

Precisely no one to take care of you. I don't believe in maids or man caretaker, after all they are strangers.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, abang said:

This is  scary confession.

Despite all the brave facade, I am very fragile, physically, mentally and financially,

 

My ex-domestic helper bought me some food but they are either too sweet or too salty.  Sweet in MILO.. salty in all canned food.  I told her that please Aunty Roifah , you cannot spend your hard-earned money on me.  

 

Currently I am in a cyclic motion - a little interest and lots of TV.  I would normally dose of in the middle of the show and the sleeper timer is always set at 15 mins.  I do not want to lead this life, waiting ...... I need a social worker to assist me....真的无能再继续。。。人生再是这样的话， 正是“生不如死”

 

“我需要与人沟通。。。不能再是独居老人”  Come and talk to me..

When you are dying or someone close to you dies, your perspective on life changes. When I was young, I don't give a damn what comes tommorrow and I just played hard, but now that I am older, things changed. In fact I look at life in a cynical way. Just a few days ago, my close colleague's mother died and we were talking that life means nothing. Life is indeed suffering, but that does not mean I will stop loving someone or help my closed ones, not much of strangers though, I am distrustful of people though I know there are the MINORITY who are good ones.

[alien]

31 minutes ago, Guest Teatree said:

 

Being alone or lonely is not scary. It's a matter of adjustment. What is truly scary is when you lose your health, be it at 50, 60 or above. Because no one is there to take care of you, because you can't travel for a short holiday even you have the money. So you got to make all the decisions now when you still have the mental capacity to do so.

Agreed, being alone is not tht scary afterall, if u r still able to take care of urself, go out and do things urself as per normal. It is totally scary if u lose health and needs pple to care for u, no matter how old r u. Cos age is not the most important factor here.

[Guest Teatree]

53 minutes ago, Guest said:

Precisely no one to take care of you. I don't believe in maids or man caretaker, after all they are strangers.

 

Then you have to depend on your siblings or their children. Your parents won't be around to take care of you. I can tell you the staff at the nursing homes are much worse than your maid, especially when they know you have no relatives visiting you.

[Steve5380]

20 hours ago, abang said:

This is  scary confession.

Despite all the brave facade, I am very fragile, physically, mentally and financially,

 

My ex-domestic helper bought me some food but they are either too sweet or too salty.  Sweet in MILO.. salty in all canned food.  I told her that please Aunty Roifah , you cannot spend your hard-earned money on me.  

 

Currently I am in a cyclic motion - a little interest and lots of TV.  I would normally dose of in the middle of the show and the sleeper timer is always set at 15 mins.  I do not want to lead this life, waiting ...... I need a social worker to assist me....真的无能再继续。。。人生再是这样的话， 正是“生不如死”

 

“我需要与人沟通。。。不能再是独居老人”  Come and talk to me..

 

20 hours ago, abang said:

Last evening, a 29-year man came and asked me for some educational advice.  I was elated to help and in the end, he got the information and I found myself useful after 40 days of dizziness.   

 

I explained to him that I no longer seek sexual gratification from strangers or even ex-buddies.  Life is reduced to nothing.. Even porn cannot launch a rocket up to space.... 心里无欲无求 -徐小凤40年前已经把很多人生哲理放在“随想曲”。

 

I wish I could visit and talk to you.  From what I have read you are a very interesting person.

We could also cook some good food that is not too sweet or too salty. But I live in the U.S., more than a continent away.

 

For nearly a year I have been making plans to visit again S.E. Asia, only to cancel them three times because my friend and partner who lives with me has medical problems and I cannot leave him alone.  It is frustrating, but I realize the insignificance of my desire to travel compared to the difference I can make by not leaving him alone and uncertain. There is satisfaction in making good karma, even when we don't believe too strongly in that.

 

We should thank modern technology for giving us the means to stay connected to the world in spite of physical impairments. 

Please hang in there and keep your spirit up.  If I get to travel to SG again I don't want to miss the opportunity to meet you.

[Guest Iknow]

As the population turns grey. The place that is packed in Singapore, is not just the mall but...hospital and columbarium. It took on a solemn scene if you have aged person to look after and bring them for regular checkup.  Perspective will change when you grew older, and than you realised all they you have worked hard to save or earn, is used to pay for the end days instead of enjoying life.  I turned spiritual in my mid 20s, and since then decided that money can be earned in many ways but you can only enjoy life once and if you missed that, money won't bring back the time and the doctors or medical practioner will be happy to help you spend your savings. Yes! they will make you visit them on frequent basis - as routine check on your health even though it may not be necessary and the govt will check on your savings account (mean-testing) to see if you deserved medical subsidies.  The more money you have, the more you pay for your bills.   

[lonely57]

I just think that if something happens to you then just let it be I guess. Everyone has to go someday. Just that in this case no one would even know how and when you turned to dust.. Well at least no one will mourn for you. Don't wana make ppl sad.

[abang]

Sorry uncle has a long story to tell ...Living alone is solitude not loneliness.

 

I "evaporated" for the past 10 days because I was hospitalized for another bout of lung infection. I am sitting at my desk after days of lying down....talking about backache.

 

The medical team did all the tests possible - CT scan, endoscopy, flushing of the upper lung area.  I counted I had 19 different tablets to take every morning.... quite a chore getting the pills in. 

 

Food in the hospital is at best "food waste fit for pigs", even the hard-boiled eggs for breakfast were pungent.  My only consolation was the flask of milo to last me for most of the days. At least now at home, I can have my yogurt and fruits.

 

I am used to open my windows for the wind/draft but ventilation in Classy ward is non-existent.  The windows are shut permanently and there is only a ceiling fan above each bed. No wonder I had high fever for several days.

 

Sorry for xenophobic here but can the MOH look into recruiting Malaysian nurses instead of ....you know what ...they don't understand the older folks and their work attitude sucks.  

[Guest]

2 hours ago, abang said:

 

Sorry for xenophobic here but can the MOH look into recruiting Malaysian nurses instead of ....you know what ...they don't understand the older folks and their work attitude

 

Which I quite agreed, especially old folks who doesn't understand English or Mandarin.

 

Malaysian nurses don't seem to be in the recruitment list of MOH. Those who were here are PRs and are old timers. Nursing is a profession born out of passion, not some ones who are motivated by CASH can do well.

[Nipoet]

Yes.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Nipoet

[lonelyglobe]

As per title, expectations can come in the form of race, age, physical attributes, role and skill in bed, character, occupation, income and so on......

 

perhaps it depend on age, in our 20s, we set the standard, we have so many wants for that perfect man and start searching......till 30s, we review and lower some of our wants or remove them....then hit 40s, here comes 2 extreme: 1.) have been single for so long, don't want anymore or 2.) just need to find a man who also want u (the want have became a need) 

[Nipoet]

I have lowered my expectations so low but STILL nobody want me. T.T

 

So, being single is not an option that I chose. -cries-

[Carpenter]

For me, I've been single for a long time n never date anyone before so I'm quite secure with it. Instead when it comes to being in a rs, I kinda panic because I never been in that teritory before n dun know wat to do.

[Guest]

I've come to a stage where being single is no longer an option but a reality. Friendship or bromance is more important as I see it.

[Guest]

I'd rather be single. For me at a certain age, there are some things and nonsense that comes with relationships I find I just can't or refuse to deal with anymore. 

[FirsTimer]

Is it a premature worry. I don't hear people be single at late

[Traveler3032]

I would Rather be single. There are many advantages to be single anyway. Ideally, each of us deserves a prince charming who is handsome, kind, with a gym toned body. But we don't live in such utopia.  

 

However, I know that some people are absolutely afraid of being alone. If that's your fear, then you should lower your standard and settle down. 

[Guest Gay walker]

I really don't know.  I just drifted along and hope to pick up something eventually. But in my mind, there is this gay guy that I like and eyed him for years in my neighbourhood. I am cock sure he is still single..

[youngpunk]

Single.  Alone but not lonely. 

 

But it's gotta do with personality too i guess.  I happen to be an introvert so perfectly at ease being alone.

 

But but...who knows...perspectives may change with time.  For now, it's single for me. 

[Sinon]

love is not trying to find the perfect person for you, its loving that person despite its flaws and learning to accept just for who he is without regrets that the expectations can bring.all of us have standards we try to find guys who can match our criteria but mostly we end up with nothing because we ourselves are a victim of the others standards and we just cant fit into his criteria.talk about karma.

[Guest Glyph]

Most people fall in love with the sense of being in love, that is all. A tragedy I'd not want to be a victim of, I'd rather keep my canvas clean than paint a bad picture.

[Sinon]

2 hours ago, Glyph said:

Most people fall in love with the sense of being in love, that is all. A tragedy I'd not want to be a victim of, I'd rather keep my canvas clean than paint a bad picture.

But isn't it part of love?being in a relationship is not easy from the start.its just up for The couple at the end of the day if they will solve it give in to it and just let it grow until you both are fed up with each other..its not always a colorful canvas yet if both understand no matter what the canvas will still be perfect dispite the small imperfections.try to see the picture as a whole.

[Guest Glyph]

I think you read a tad too little and a little too much into what I've said.

 

There's of course nothing wrong with loving the sense of being in love, it's only natural. But it becomes a problem when we get in love solely because of it.

 

And my canvas doesn't have to be perfect. I didn't say it has to be, nor do I want it to be. At the end of the day, I just want something that I'll be able to tell myself this: "It's good enough."

[Gray32]

I'm single. If it is so, then let it be so.

 

I tend to develop feelings overtime, and characteristics seems to win me over anything else.

 

Unfortunately, not many people have the characteristics I'm looking for.

 

If I were to lower my expectations, I guess it would mean I could just throw myself at anyone. Because being comfortable and stuff with another person takes a long time, and able to stay in a close relationship even after conflicts are hard to come by enough. Lowering them probably means I'm expecting nothing then.

[Guest]

11 hours ago, Gray32 said:

I'm single. If it is so, then let it be so.

 

I tend to develop feelings overtime, and characteristics seems to win me over anything else.

 

Unfortunately, not many people have the characteristics I'm looking for.

 

If I were to lower my expectations, I guess it would mean I could just throw myself at anyone. Because being comfortable and stuff with another person takes a long time, and able to stay in a close relationship even after conflicts are hard to come by enough. Lowering them probably means I'm expecting nothing then.

Am on the same page as you. To lower my expectations would mean I'd start treating others (and myself) as pieces of meat.

[Atlas Star]

Single.

Be in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.

But you need to be practical as well. You can't have an unrealistic expectations when you ain't perfect to begin with.

Know where you stand for a better chance of getting hitched.

[xboyhunk]

1 hour ago, Atlas Star said:

Single.

Be in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.

But you need to be practical as well. You can't have an unrealistic expectations when you ain't perfect to begin with.

Know where you stand for a better chance of getting hitched.

 

I know a good looking single friend who used to have unrealistic expectations. After being ready to be attached for so long, he lowered his expectations and got together with a below average guy. In the end, he got cheated of both his feelings and money by that partner whom he had little expectations of. Moral of the story is to find someone that can meet your high expectations, the higher the better. This is to protect yourself in a relationship. Else be single. You can be equally happy if not more happy with both your good looks and money still in your bank.

[fitonedude]

.

Edited May 4, 2016 by fitonedude

[ChiSquare]

I kinda agree.

There are just some things we can't compromise.

And at a certain age... most of us won't want to deal with some nonsense.

We know we won't be happy.

 

[Guest]

most gays are only interested in hookup rather than develop committed relationship.

to those who said they have lower their expectations, can u share ur bf requirement now?

[Sinon]

Im in a rel now.and i have my exp lowered and i ddnt regret it.its just a matter of appriciating the person for who he is and not trying to change him.im happy.were only on our 3yrs of rel bug im contented.

[lonely57]

how to lower standards.. lower standard also end up liking all the straight ones. ):

[azimuth]

48 minutes ago, lonely57 said:

how to lower standards.. lower standard also end up liking all the straight ones. ):

 

Maybe you need to look for a more straight acting gay dude?

[upshot]

Decision to stay single from day one and have no intention to ever change that statue. Ever.

[keyboard]

An observation I made is that on apps, it is as generic as it can be. Interests: cook, bake, ktv, swimming, gym, fun, LTR etc.

 

Would these be the people who are complaining why they are single? Or thinking, i should lower my expectation because nobody is messaging me.

 

I would think that having expectations are good, as long as it's realistic. What I do see, is that there's practically just a handful of profiles that has proper expectations written in their profile with some proper pictures.

 

You wouldn't be missing those who doesn't meet your expectations, but you could be missed by those who meets your expectation but don't know what is your expectation.

 

If you're profile is as generic and uninteresting, what were you hoping to find? Perhaps you want to be treated like a piece of meat. With not much choices on hand, if you don't step up and find your own. Who's going to do it for you.

 

p.s. this coming from a person who've taken the time at random to block those profiles that are not suitable.

[Guest guestla]

On 2/4/2016 at 8:47 PM, Guest Gay walker said:

I really don't know.  I just drifted along and hope to pick up something eventually. But in my mind, there is this gay guy that I like and eyed him for years in my neighbourhood. I am cock sure he is still single..

 

Omg...this sounds like someone I know...

[abang]

Well it has been 2 months since my discharge from the hospital in late Jan 2016.

Things are getting better and I hit the 60 kg mark yesterday.  I've been seeing my doctor weekly since then and the transformation is quite noticeable.  

 

Yes, the bills are mounting up and clearing my bank account fast but at least I don't feel "weak" anymore.  I am able to do most of the things I did previously, including doing some brisk walking and short 1-day trip to JB for food...

 

The Malay food in JB is much better and so much cheaper. A plate of 10 sticks of satay is just RM 7...tasty duck noodles is just RM 5, a steal.  I brought many household items from the DIY shops (3rd floor of Galleria) when I was last there. With our favourable exchange rate, just divide the price by 3. See, the shopaholic in me is revived!

 

Alone and single .. not just choice and circumstances... I've learned to survive and do household chores all by myself.  Just set a timing to complete the task. ... like doing the laundry before I sleep..it will be done and ready for drying when I am up the next morning.  

 

[Guest]

On 3/19/2016 at 8:26 AM, abang said:

 

Alone and single .. not just choice and circumstances... I've learned to survive and do household chores all by myself.  Just set a timing to complete the task. ... like doing the laundry before I sleep..it will be done and ready for drying when I am up the next morning.  

 

 

Good for you abang. Learn to live with one self because that may be all we have in old age.

 

Just a thought. Can someone somewhere form an Old Gays Association to befriend and support the elderly gays? There must be so many old gays living alone out there.

[abang]

Thanks for your encouragement.

Yes it is always possible to form a network - but then again, how many are willing to come forward when they are above 50?

It takes quite a lot of "push" to meet up with new friends and I, for one, can offer my flat for social (non-sexual) gathering...pot luck gathering, cooking demonstration, outdoor activities like Gardens by the Bay and National Gallery etc. 

 

Those who are more adventurous - overseas 1-day trip to JB and perhaps longer "no-frills" trips to other neighbouring countries...Actually for me, I wish to repeat the routes and refresh the memories of my backpacking trips across Malaysia and Thailand some 30 years ago.. Those were the days when I was less pampered and more willing to seek the unbeaten road...

 

PM me if you need more clarification and please express your interest...welcome to the 3rd age.

http://www.c3a.org.sg/Home_process.do