Single & Living Alone Discussion (compiled)

[Blacque]

I knew my first ex through a gay personnel website many years back , we broke off when he went overseas for work. I then met my 2nd bf at a sauna but later broke off after a few years because of some reasons. I have been out of local gay scenes for many years - had stopped going to saunas , don't have a social life with any gay people coz I am quite a private person, don't like to drink or karaoke, hence I don't visit gay pubs etc. The only means I look for someone is through the mobile applications like growl or mister nowadays. But it seems that most people in Singapore are very busy meeting up , or they just shuns my age ( me in my mid 40s) even though they said I still look good. Anyway , is going to the Saunas nowadays the best venue to meet a prospective boy friend ? Can someone share with me how to meet a prospectivs bf , especially the local gay scenes nowadays.

 

What made you think that visiting saunas can yield you a good boyfriend?

 

Socialize more, or be more pro-active on BlowingWind?

[snowball]

Is gay sauna a place for finding bf? Yes & No, cos most going to such place are purely for sex, no feeling involved, however, if they click with you and comfortable with you, then anything can happen, may it be friend or more.

mid 40 is not end of the world, perhaps you have another 40s to go,

so, don't need to get panic, if you look good, market for your age are not small,

缘, 强求不来, 份一来, 你想躲也躲不了。

Edited August 18, 2013 by snowball

[darkflame]

Your best bet is your social life. Meet more people.

[HydroNaut]

I have no doubts about finding a boyfriend in the sauna..... cos 12 out of my 14 are all known at the sauna. Though, they might not last, but I do agreed with most here, socialising is the best mean to get to know more people thus widen your circle and chances to know a potential bf.

 

Anyway, mid 40s is not end of the way. You can look as good if you can maintain yourself well enough.

 

Good luck in your search.

[friendly2]

I found mine in Keybox... he was there at the right time and at the right place that is all i want to say... He did not go there just for sex but to meet meet other PLU... so am i.. and we have been togather for more then 16 months now.. and he is staying with me and working here... we are happy... :hat:

[azimuth]

Yup. Socialize more. Even if the person you meet at the sauna is not a good candidate, he still had friends whom you may find interest in.

[joshTWjosh]

Maintain your looks, socialize more! Guys in their 40s can be hot, I'm sure there will be a group of people who like guys in that age range

[Guest loneranger]

Well at least u got to experience a relationship unlike some people like me almost 35 but never had a boyfriend.

[GachiMuchi]

I knew my first ex through a gay personnel website many years back , we broke off when he went overseas for work. I then met my 2nd bf at a sauna but later broke off after a few years because of some reasons. I have been out of local gay scenes for many years - had stopped going to saunas , don't have a social life with any gay people coz I am quite a private person, don't like to drink or karaoke, hence I don't visit gay pubs etc. The only means I look for someone is through the mobile applications like growl or mister nowadays. But it seems that most people in Singapore are very busy meeting up , or they just shuns my age ( me in my mid 40s) even though they said I still look good. Anyway , is going to the Saunas nowadays the best venue to meet a prospective boy friend ? Can someone share with me how to meet a prospectivs bf , especially the local gay scenes nowadays.

 

The thing about being 'private' or 'discreet' is akin to people wanting to be "Invisible" - want to be in the scene but not be seen.

 

Since you don't want to be seen, how would you even land yourself a bf?  Many a times, I can tell you those who wants to be 'invisible' are usually those that carry with them lots of "baggage" (some with emotional baggage, some with fear for diseases, some who will die when exposed to light, etc.)

 

Honestly, these people who are discreet will have a hard time finding a bf because they have not actually embraced their gay side. Since TS is already in his 40s, I don't even want to give him any suggestion because, he would already know where the 'problem lies'. That is, either he is too comfortable with his own status quo or that he is too "obstinate" and just want things 'his way'. Then I can only tell you, If you want a see different outcome, you will have to change the way you deal your cards.

 

Good luck, and you will need it.

[Guest Handsome Guy]

I found mine in Keybox... he was there at the right time and at the right place that is all i want to say... He did not go there just for sex but to meet meet other PLU... so am i.. and we have been togather for more then 16 months now.. and he is staying with me and working here... we are happy... :hat:

I found my bf in Keybox too. And we have been together 5 years already. Still pretty much in love with each other deeply We are staying together now and have regular steamy sex

[Guest Guest]

I have no doubts about finding a boyfriend in the sauna..... cos 12 out of my 14 are all known at the sauna. Though, they might not last

Dude, seriously u know how to differentiate boyfriends, ONS and fuck buddies?

[Guest Curious]

I found my bf in Keybox too. And we have been together 5 years already. Still pretty much in love with each other deeply We are staying together now and have regular steamy sex

Hi,

Just curious.

So r u still visitg saunas after being attached?

[Guest HANDSOME GUEST]

yes i still visit sauna  after been attached. hoping to meet more bf.U dun need only 1 bf but to keep a few just in case  the present one dump u.

[Guest Guest]

yes i still visit sauna  after been attached. hoping to meet more bf.U dun need only 1 bf but to keep a few just in case  the present one dump u.

I hope you meet all your bfs (present and reserved) there one day and I hope all of them dump you on the same day

[keyboard]

I'm so gonna get flamed for this.

 

Don't know why so many are resistant to the idea of going to sauna not just for sex. Why must it be purely for sex only.

 

I for one go there to "expand" my social circle simply because sexual chemistry is important for me before spending too much time diverging into the character part. You know how it feels to hold the person hand, cock, butt, hug, kiss, if he's ticklish, likes being touched, if it ends up with a phone number exchange, you have something to go on from there.

 

I find it more awkward that people meet up to watch movies and hold hands together the first time they meet just because the other party is hot. Or go to their house or send people back the first time. And what's with sex on the 2nd date.

[keyboard]

The mention of meeting people up, in my opinion, kinda works only for those who are outgoing. People who have sensitivity (be it family, work etc) will have issues with meeting up not knowing if the other party is another queen.

 

It will work if the boyfriend type you are looking for is outgoing, chatty, and adventurous. There are just some types of people who don't do well at coffee meetups.

[Blacque]

The mention of meeting people up, in my opinion, kinda works only for those who are outgoing. People who have sensitivity (be it family, work etc) will have issues with meeting up not knowing if the other party is another queen.

 

It will work if the boyfriend type you are looking for is outgoing, chatty, and adventurous. There are just some types of people who don't do well at coffee meetups.

 

If 1 on 1 coffee meetups don't work well for you, group outings probably will. 

[Guest wesley]

If you want to get a bf you are going to have to hang out where gay people hang out.

 

BTW, I met my partner 10 yrs ago in a Sg gay sauna. We are married now and own a house together in Sg.

 

Keep searching. I think you are the ideal age to be ready to settle down. You may have to adjust your choices to someone closer to your age and maturity.

[HydroNaut]

Dude, seriously u know how to differentiate boyfriends, ONS and fuck buddies?

 

 

Of course lah...my ex bfs are more than 1 night....usually on the ave 1 year the longest are around 2 years plus.... so how can be ONS or fuck buddies? Furthermore, some of them, we do stay together until one roof.

[HydroNaut]

I'm so gonna get flamed for this.

 

Don't know why so many are resistant to the idea of going to sauna not just for sex. Why must it be purely for sex only.

 

I for one go there to "expand" my social circle simply because sexual chemistry is important for me before spending too much time diverging into the character part. You know how it feels to hold the person hand, cock, butt, hug, kiss, if he's ticklish, likes being touched, if it ends up with a phone number exchange, you have something to go on from there.

 

I find it more awkward that people meet up to watch movies and hold hands together the first time they meet just because the other party is hot. Or go to their house or send people back the first time. And what's with sex on the 2nd date.

 

Well dude, I couldn't agreed with you more on this. I totally see eye to eye with you on this. Sauna doesn't mean you go there for purely sex, I used to go there to meet my regular friends for dinner, mahjong, jokes, movies and even go drinking together at club and then back there to have a rest.

 

I even once organized an 2D/1N outing with at least 20 of them to Kukup over the weekend, we meet at the sauna and then set off from there....feast, dine,drink and mahjong the whole night there. No sex involved.

 

Well, it takes one to know one....social setting are much better in sauna sometimes. It is like going back to a friend's home once in a while for visiting and catching up with them.

[HydroNaut]

Talking about such, I met a guy yesterday at absolute. I sat at the TV area and he was sitting there. We exchanged glances from time to time. Later I went to the roof-top to chat with the staff there. After the chat, I went down to get changed and go. I met the same guy sitting just next to my locker, we exchanged kisses and he asked for my number and we exchanged.

 

That is one of the scenario that you might happen to you in a sauna scene without any sexual context. Talking about which, I think I should message him and say hi.

[mamamia]

Hm, looks like going saunas is a good way to know people , not just for sex. Can anyone advise which sauna is more popular among mature gays like 40 to 55 years old ? A sauna where people have no attitude problems and generally the ambience is friendly and clean.

[Guest papamia]

depends on wat type of guys u like. For same  group as yr age u can choose 17. Almost all the ppl who partonise the club dun need to work.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

All saunas will close down if people treat it as a friend making club or daily home care centre. It defeat the purpose and essence of a slut club.

Maybe I can earn some money by opening a gay marriage agency once gay marriage is legalise in this country. I can import all the exotic gay for the gay community here. Lol

[Marineboy]

Yo mamamia

 

You can just make more frens here...keep the good ones you can click with for occasional gathering etc

From here some of them may now some others that were also looking for bf to and perhaps arrange a meetup since they know  both parties.

 

I highly recommend be email frens first....

Chat n share your thoughts on everything under the moon...

No rush to meetup as I feel knowing a person more before meetup has its benfits.

Both will be more comfortable too since who have chatted and shared a little of yourselves...your likes n dislikes interests hobbies..family..work...outlook of life itself and your plans for the future.

 

It worked for me ..13years and counting.

All the best bro ;D

[iamziz]

Sauna = Slut Club? OMG

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Sauna = Slut Club? OMG

Then you define it loh.

A bookworm club or library more to your definitions is it?

-A spade is a spade-

[friendly2]

Yup. Socialize more. Even if the person you meet at the sauna is not a good candidate, he still had friends whom you may find interest in.

Cannot agreed more to this...

[HydroNaut]

All saunas will close down if people treat it as a friend making club or daily home care centre. It defeat the purpose and essence of a slut club.

Maybe I can earn some money by opening a gay marriage agency once gay marriage is legalise in this country. I can import all the exotic gay for the gay community here. Lol

 

Aiyoh...I dun meant to say that the sauna is all so holy place to be....it depends on what you are seeking. People have all difference need and I just felt sauna might be a place where all desires might take shapes. Just like young ones go there for their lust fulfillment, the older ones might goes there for their companionship fulfillment....so in way both can mid-way meet their aims somehow. I prefer to call it a social club. Just like how a social escort term come about....it dun necessary involved sex all the time, some might engage a social escort for their companionship....so do you gauge the one who engage a social escort purely for companionship crazy? He just have different need and the social escort is just the medium for his fulfillment.

 

BTW, can i ask the TS....what age group of guys he is looking at?

Edited August 19, 2013 by HydroNaut

[friendly2]

I found my bf in Keybox too. And we have been together 5 years already. Still pretty much in love with each other deeply We are staying together now and have regular steamy sex

Wow...Wonderful,Beautiful,Encouraging,Enlightment for Love.. Seek and you will find i would say. 

[friendly2]

If you want to get a bf you are going to have to hang out where gay people hang out.

 

BTW, I met my partner 10 yrs ago in a Sg gay sauna. We are married now and own a house together in Sg.

 

Keep searching. I think you are the ideal age to be ready to settle down. You may have to adjust your choices to someone closer to your age and maturity.

Married..Can you PM me to tell me how to go about it..and where is the best place to travel to get married.Thanks in advance.

[snowball]

i know quite a few couples found each other either orgy party or sauna, so don't need to be surprise.

if the right time, even wrong place, both still can be lovely couple, most important is, when you meet

someone your type or you would like to know , don't be shy, take the first move, chances won't be

always there for you

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Aiyoh...I dun meant to say that the sauna is all so holy place to be....it depends on what you are seeking. People have all difference need and I just felt sauna might be a place where all desires might take shapes. Just like young ones go there for their lust fulfillment, the older ones might goes there for their companionship fulfillment....so in way both can mid-way meet their aims somehow. I prefer to call it a social club. Just like how a social escort term come about....it dun necessary involved sex all the time, some might engage a social escort for their companionship....so do you gauge the one who engage a social escort purely for companionship crazy? He just have different need and the social escort is just the medium for his fulfillment.

BTW, can i ask the TS....what age group of guys he is looking at?

Point taken Mr Hydronaut.

Though I saw patrons cursing in the k sauna because of people taking up the smoking room for mahjong activities.

[zwei]

Makes me want to hit it up just to see if i can find mine hahahahaha :X

[HydroNaut]

i know quite a few couples found each other either orgy party or sauna, so don't need to be surprise.

if the right time, even wrong place, both still can be lovely couple, most important is, when you meet

someone your type or you would like to know , don't be shy, take the first move, chances won't be

always there for you

 

Just to add to what you say...

 

Isn't it easier to choose your other half through real-time meet.....just like shopping, do you wanna see the product live and touch and feel it rather than just see it virtually(through faceless avatar) and expect that you will eventually like it when it is deliver to your doorstep? Though "online shopping" is cool but i still quite like the conventional way of "Live" shopping.

 

Worst still is.....when you are "shopping" too long and going through a long a time of conversation and developed a high expectation of the other people but when meet-up it just fall through all the expectation of the other person. Your hopes all burst.

 

In conclusion, I wanna quote from what GachiMuchi mentioned, which i also find it very true "Since you don't want to be seen, how would you even land yourself a bf?  Many a times, I can tell you those who wants to be 'invisible' are usually those that carry with them lots of "baggage"

[Guest Guest]

Of course lah...my ex bfs are more than 1 night....usually on the ave 1 year the longest are around 2 years plus.... so how can be ONS or fuck buddies? Furthermore, some of them, we do stay together until one roof.

 

ok...but 14 bfs is abit too much. reminds me of those bimbo sluts girls who change bfs like change bras.

[Topple]

I found a f buddy in kb too

[HydroNaut]

Point taken Mr Hydronaut.

Though I saw patrons cursing in the k sauna because of people taking up the smoking room for mahjong activities.

 

Wahaha...anyway, quitting that place already. Too many politics going on there and also I am not a smoker so playing in that enclosed area is really a torment in long term and i need to used double facial cleansing lotion and eye lotion after I went back home.   

[Guest Guest]

I found a f buddy in kb too

 

fb is not bf.

[HydroNaut]

ok...but 14 bfs is abit too much. reminds me of those bimbo sluts girls who change bfs like change bras.

 

在对的时候，遇到错的人。不合适又何必硬硬穿上而自残身躯？

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

I thought I am the only one here who is self righteous in this forum but some of you here really put me to shame in this area.

So much crap and self justification when the labels doesn't suit you all. Lol hehehe.

[Guest Guest]

I thought I am the only one here who is self righteous in this forum but some of you here really put me to shame in this area.

So much crap and self justification when the labels doesn't suit you all. Lol hehehe.

 

amidst all the lust and fucking, most also wanna find someone to love.

[iamziz]

[Guest GUEST]

marineboy u really chat and meet him after 13 yrs? by than mamamia will hit 63yr old. one foot stepping to the under world leow.

[HydroNaut]

marineboy u really chat and meet him after 13 yrs? by than mamamia will hit 63yr old. one foot stepping to the under world leow.

 

Somewhere down there which look like a mushroom will eventually ended up truly a mushroom by 13 years.

[Guest Wesley]

Married..Can you PM me to tell me how to go about it..and where is the best place to travel to get married.Thanks in advance.

Hi,Friendly2,

 

I'm not registered member so I'm not able to PM you, I don't think. We got married in Toronto, Canada. This is my home town. I don't know where the best place to get married is. I chose Toronto because family and friends are there and I'm Canadian but my partner is Sg. If you wish to know more, let me know.

 

Wesley

[azimuth]

This is interesting. Finding love in a sauna. We should have a poll soon to see which sauna has the most number of datable guys. Haha

[Guest Guest]

Well dude, I couldn't agreed with you more on this. I totally see eye to eye with you on this. Sauna doesn't mean you go there for purely sex, I used to go there to meet my regular friends for dinner, mahjong, jokes, movies and even go drinking together at club and then back there to have a rest.

 

I even once organized an 2D/1N outing with at least 20 of them to Kukup over the weekend, we meet at the sauna and then set off from there....feast, dine,drink and mahjong the whole night there. No sex involved.

 

Well, it takes one to know one....social setting are much better in sauna sometimes. It is like going back to a friend's home once in a while for visiting and catching up with them.

I really would like to know which sauna was that.

When I go to a sauna, everybody refuse to chat. Some would put in some effort but will lose interest quickly if sex is not in the agenda. Ever notice how eerie it gets when a big group of almost naked men prowling about in ghostly silence only looking for sex.

Some would say that I am wasting my money and their time if I am not looking for sex.

[awkwardpenguin]

for me at least.. i think its rather hard to find anyone in the saunas to actually hold a real conversation.. well not especially when you're undressed and only clad with a towel (i hope... lol) im sure your inner inhibitions will take over once you've seen those delectable... ehm.. lol

[IkuTube]

I knew my first ex through a gay personnel website many years back , we broke off when he went overseas for work. I then met my 2nd bf at a sauna but later broke off after a few years because of some reasons. I have been out of local gay scenes for many years - had stopped going to saunas , don't have a social life with any gay people coz I am quite a private person, don't like to drink or karaoke, hence I don't visit gay pubs etc. The only means I look for someone is through the mobile applications like growl or mister nowadays. But it seems that most people in Singapore are very busy meeting up , or they just shuns my age ( me in my mid 40s) even though they said I still look good. Anyway , is going to the Saunas nowadays the best venue to meet a prospective boy friend ? Can someone share with me how to meet a prospectivs bf , especially the local gay scenes nowadays.

 

 

Hm, looks like going saunas is a good way to know people , not just for sex. Can anyone advise which sauna is more popular among mature gays like 40 to 55 years old ? A sauna where people have no attitude problems and generally the ambience is friendly and clean.

 

The only thing that attracts reward in life is when we really know what we truly and actually want.  But, one needs to know that it requires a paradigm shift to attract it.  With respect, most single people are unaware that their inability to find love has nothing to do with a dearth of potential partners but it is about how they harp with the negativities around love and from past negative experiences.  I am a believer that there's a monsoon of love around us.  The question is, are we receptive to accept it unconditionally?

 

Before we allow love to happen and before we finally find a boyfriend, does our thought process believe in finding one is possible?  Or, our minds still theorize that we are unworthy of love?  Or, we have a conviction that relationship is bound to fail?

 

Thing is, we all have theories that we want to prove and that actually hold us back from finding a partner.  Only when we let it all go (of course, with realization), that new things can happen.  It is synonymous to the Law of Vacuum where you have to empty all those past thoughts for new things to be filled in.  History will keep repeating until we look at ourselves and until we know who we are in a relationship.

 

My take, so long there is still "Hm", visiting a sauna does not sound like a good first choice.  The internalization itself will only open the door of desperation and that will leave you empty.

 

You will find one when you are truly ready, mamamia.  All you need to do is to be open.  Have a new outlook about love, about being in a relationship, about it taking place ... I bet that the world is waiting to conspire for it to happen .. all it needs is when you truly and actually want it to happen.