Guest Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? "Put it on my ass." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dart Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 On 6/13/2021 at 2:42 PM, Zealouslogue said: Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. Expand In addition to your cute joke: Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon. thickpec and Zealouslogue 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 What has a bed that you can't sleep in? A river Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dart Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 Which bank has no money? The river bank thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hahaha Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 What do you call the prostitute from Pakistan? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Psych prof: Has anyone heard of Pavlov? Me: It rings a bell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Why were the teacher's eyes closed? He couldn't control his pupils. thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 How does the ocean say hello? It waves. thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 19, 2021 Report Share Posted June 19, 2021 What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match, thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 On 6/23/2021 at 7:11 AM, Nightingale said: A man went to confession and told the priest: “I have a steady girlfriend but last week, I went to her house and there was nobody at home except her sister. We were all alone and we ended up having sex.” “That’s bad, my son,” said the priest, “but at least you can see that you have made a mistake.” The man continued: “Then later that day, I went to my girlfriend’s office to look for her, but nobody was around except one of her colleagues. So I had sex with her too.” “That’s very bad, my son.” The man went on. “Then yesterday, I went to my girlfriend’s uncle’s house to look for her, but nobody was home except her aunt. So I had sex with her too.” The priest made no reply. “Father? … Father?” Realising that the priest wasn’t there, the man searched for him and found him hiding behind a wall. “What are you doing, Father?” “I suddenly realised you and I are the only ones around ….” Expand Then he rips off the priest's clothes and has sex with him too... 🤣 Nightingale 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 Which U.S state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in mini soda) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Melon Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/14/2021 at 12:43 PM, Dart said: In addition to your cute joke: Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon. Expand Why did another of another melon listens to ŕock song. It wanted to be a rock melon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Melon Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/14/2021 at 12:43 PM, Dart said: In addition to your cute joke: Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon. Expand Why did the melon wears a mask? It wanted to be a musk melon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Melon Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/14/2021 at 12:43 PM, Dart said: In addition to your cute joke: Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon. Expand What did the hami melon say and do when he met winter-melon with runny nose in the freezer? He passed him a tissue and said hami-su? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mouse Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/23/2021 at 7:31 AM, Zealouslogue said: Which U.S state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in mini soda) Expand What is the smallest mouse in the world. Minnie Mouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 25, 2021 Report Share Posted June 25, 2021 Apparently, you can't use "beef stew" as a password. Its not stroganoff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 26, 2021 Report Share Posted June 26, 2021 Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 28, 2021 Report Share Posted June 28, 2021 Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted June 30, 2021 Report Share Posted June 30, 2021 Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because its pointless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted July 3, 2021 Report Share Posted July 3, 2021 What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates! CCK central 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted July 4, 2021 Report Share Posted July 4, 2021 Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they're always stuffed! Justanoldman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 How much does it cost for a pirate to get both of his ears pierced? A buccaneer 🤪 a buck an ear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 On 8/29/2021 at 3:29 AM, passinthenight said: How much does it cost for a pirate to get both of his ears pierced? A buccaneer 🤪 a buck an ear. Expand HAHAHAHA. Good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Harley Posted September 4, 2021 Report Share Posted September 4, 2021 What joke is so dumb it's actually funny? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted September 11, 2021 Report Share Posted September 11, 2021 How can a joke a day be keeping the bitches away, when it is the bitch who is here doing the posting of lame jokes everyday? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted October 9, 2021 Report Share Posted October 9, 2021 thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nightwhore Posted October 9, 2021 Report Share Posted October 9, 2021 On 9/11/2021 at 3:57 PM, Guest Guest said: How can a joke a day be keeping the bitches away, when it is the bitch who is here doing the posting of lame jokes everyday? Expand LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted October 13, 2021 Report Share Posted October 13, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted October 14, 2021 Report Share Posted October 14, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted October 20, 2021 Report Share Posted October 20, 2021 thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealouslogue Posted October 20, 2021 Report Share Posted October 20, 2021 What do you call the security outside of a Samsung store? Guardians Of The Galaxy. thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted November 16, 2021 Report Share Posted November 16, 2021 I nearly became a Doctor . When I was young in the late 1980's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted January 4, 2022 Report Share Posted January 4, 2022 thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InBangkok Posted January 4, 2022 Report Share Posted January 4, 2022 A father with two sons (let's say in The Philippines) decided the time had come for his elder teenage son to experience sex with a woman for the first time. On an adjacent street there was a brothel. "Son, it's time you learned the facts of life. Take this 500 pesos, go visit the brothel, give it to the mamasan and then have a good time." When the son came back, his father asked how it was. "It was really great. I really want more." The only problem was the younger son now wanted the same experience. He begged and begged his father until he finally gave way. With his 500 pesos, the boy skipped along the street toward the brothel. His grandmother who lived nearby saw him and asked why he was so happy. "Well, my Dad just gave me 500 Pesos to have sex with a woman for the first time." "500 Pesos, eh? That's a lot of money." An hour later his father asked him how he got on. "Oh it was great," said his son. "Half way to the brothel I met my grandmother and she said I could save half the money if I gave her half and had sex with her instead." "W-H-A-T?" said his father. "You had sex with my mother?" "What's the big deal," said his son. "I don't complain when you have sex with my mother so why should you complain when I have sex with your mother?" thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted January 20, 2022 Report Share Posted January 20, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted February 14, 2022 Report Share Posted February 14, 2022 A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "250" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball glove." The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "750" Man - "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy - "1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that,.. that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again." thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted May 11, 2022 Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 When does a detective carry an umbrella? When he's about to go undercover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted May 22, 2022 Report Share Posted May 22, 2022 A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet." thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted May 24, 2022 Report Share Posted May 24, 2022 A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice." thickpec 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted May 26, 2022 Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's." thickpec and yuquidam 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted May 28, 2022 Report Share Posted May 28, 2022 In World War 1 there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, "Why not? It's not like we have any better ideas." The next day, an American soldier called out, "Hans!?" A German popped up and shouted back, "Ja?!" Boom, the German was shot dead. The next day the Americans shouted again, "Hans?!" "Ja?!" Shot dead. This process continued over the next couple of days. The Germans were losing large numbers, and were now finally catching on. The Germans had an emergency meeting. They thought they could come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the Americans. Thus, a German asked, "What is a popular American name?" "John!" replied another. The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan. A German shouted, "John!?" An American called back, "Is that you Hans?!" "Ja!" And that is how the Americans won WWI. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted June 1, 2022 Report Share Posted June 1, 2022 Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?” The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marvelling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted June 3, 2022 Report Share Posted June 3, 2022 An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each man’s freshly poured pint. The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. The Irishman reaches in, picks the fly out, holds it up close to his face and shouts, “Spit it out you little bastard.” yhtang 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted June 6, 2022 Report Share Posted June 6, 2022 A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must be in management." "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passinthenight Posted June 15, 2022 Report Share Posted June 15, 2022 Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Candidate: The company relocated the office and forgot to tell me where it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts