Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Doc Steadman

Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio."

"Why, that's right!" said the second man in surprise.

"And I'll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old."

"Right again. But how'd you....."

"And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman."

"Well, yes, but how did you know?" asked the second man in amazement.

"Well, old Doc always cut them at a sixty-degree angle," explained the first guy, "and you're pissing on my shoe."

[worldangel]

Joke: Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." 

"Really," answered the neighbour . "What kind is it?" 

"Twelve thirty."

[worldangel]

Joke: "Cash, check or charge?"

"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Effects of anaesthesia...

A man was just coming out of anaesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to 'beautiful?'" she asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

[worldangel]

Joke: Expert Advice

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

 

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

[worldangel]

Joke: Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. 

The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door. 

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"


The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

[worldangel]

Joke: A man went to the Police Station...

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The Shopping Criminal

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened."
 

Edited February 15, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Borrowed the Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?

[worldangel]

Joke: At the doctor's clinic

At the doctor's clinic, Tom was getting a check-up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor.

 

"The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."
 

 

Edited February 15, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Off To The Foot Doc

There was this drunk who said to the bartender, "I want a woman!" so the bartender gave him directions to a place.
The drunk was so messed up that he couldn't remember where the bartender told him to go. So he accidentally walks into a Foot Doctor's office.

The lady at the counter asks, "Can I help you?"

The Drunk says, "Yes, I want some service." So the lady replies, "Go in the other room and put it on the table."

So the drunk goes and puts his dick on the table.

The lady comes in and says, "That's not a foot!"

The drunken replies, "Give it time, lady, Give it time."

[worldangel]

Joke: Drunken test...

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a haemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then, we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Who drives you?

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about It?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Figure Skating

I always wanted to be a figure skater as a kid, too, that was like my fantasy dream.

 

But whenever I watch it, I think I would have totally done it alone. I don’t know how these people have enough control over the tempers to be working with a partner.

 

Because if I worked with some guy for 15 years, and we got to the Olympics, and out of nowhere he just fell -- oh, Id skate around just to chop off his fingers. I would, and I would not feel bad about that -- ever.

 

Now when you’re nubbing your cereal spoon in the morning, you can look at that box and remember why were not on it.

 

 

 

 

Edited February 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Drunken argument...

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!"

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend. "You are wrong. That's not the moon; that's the sun!"

Both continued arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking along. So they stopped him and said, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunken look at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Reporter

A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor.

"Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."

The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here.

Now go back and write something more appropriate!"

The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed mthe Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( o )( o ) "
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Location...Location...Location

Benny had told all his friends about the delicious steak he'd eaten in the Delancey Street restaurant the day before. So they decided to go down there and see if it was really as large and delicious as he said. But, much to their disappointment, the waiter brought them the tiniest steak they'd ever seen.

"See here, my good man," Benny barked. "I was in this restaurant yesterday, and you served me a big, juicy steak, and now today, when I've organized a party and highly recommended this place, you serve such a small one."

"Yes, sir," replied the waiter. "But yesterday you were sitting by the window."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: The Gift

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. 

"Is it wine?" she guessed. 

"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ? 

[worldangel]

Joke: Once poor

A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened.

"Is the housewife in?" he asked. The servant replied: "Just a moment." The wife comes out: Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years.

Husband: Guess what? I am rich.

Wife: How?

Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to the high demand, I got rich fast.

Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa, making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed...I got REAL rich.

[worldangel]

Joke: Learning by example...

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Number Jokes

A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number twenty-nine!" This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.

When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, "How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?"

"Oh," says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, "we'd never heard that one before."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: My friend asked me, "Why are you...

My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?"

 

I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house."

 

He said, "So?" And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"

 

 

Edited February 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Supporting a family...

Sam had proposed to young Lisa and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.

"Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor.

"Yes, sir," replied Sam, "I am."

"Well," said Lisa's father, "think carefully now. There are six of us."

[worldangel]

Joke: A doctor is complaining to a mechanic

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: You've Had It

A ninety-year-old man goes to a hooker.

When he gets undressed, she looks at his limp member and says, “Mister, you’ve had it.”

“Thank you every much,” he says.

“How much do I owe you?

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A pipe burst in a doctor's house...

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."

The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: 69 farts

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do '69'.

"What the hell is that?" asks the guy.

Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, "I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine."

Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart.

"What was that for?" he asks.

"Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again." she says.

So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on.

"Wait, where are you going?", she asks.

[worldangel]

Joke: Have faith...

A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.

"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Corruption

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

[worldangel]

Joke: 600-Storey Hotel


Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high. 

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes. 

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story. They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Tetanus Shot

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. 
His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, "Where are you going?" 

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor." 
She says, "Why, are you sick?" 
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff." 

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat. 
He says, "Where the hell are you going"? 

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too." 
He says, "Why, what do you need?" 

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Oh..

A romantic lady sent a text to her lover, saying if you are sleeping send me your dream, if you are crying send me your tears, if you are smiling send me your happiness, the lovers lover replied "I am in the toilet"!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: What’s he got?

While having lunch in Central Park, a pair of retired doctors saw a man walking their way. His knees were pressed together, his hands were clenched in tight fists, and his wrists were bent inward, toward his wait.

“You still got your knack for diagnosing?” asked one doctor. “Sure. Why?” replied the other. He gestured toward the man. “I’d say the poor fellow’s got cerebral palsy.”

The other doctor shook his head. “Arthritis, for sure.”

“Let’s find out,” said the first. However, before the doctor could ask, the man stopped in front of their bench. He said through his teeth, “Pardon me, but do either of you gentlemen know where in this damn park the rest rooms are?”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A Scruffy Looking Women

A scruffy looking woman walked passed me in the street. I couldn't help noticing she was only wearing one shoe so I said to her, "I think you've lost a shoe ma'am".

"No," she replied, "I found one".

[worldangel]

Joke: Bring Me My Drill!

Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill."

"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"

[worldangel]

Joke: A Bold Tomcat 

Tire of having to stare at the gorgeous young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Spot Tomcat decide to visit her one afternoon.

Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed the lovely cat strolled over.

“That was quite a leap,” she remarked. “Want to go somewhere and cuddle?”

“I’m afraid not,” said Spot, a hurt expression on his face. “The fence was higher that I thought.”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Which Goalkeeper..

Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

[worldangel]

Joke: A Great Place.. 

A guy walks into a sleazy bar orders a drink and after a while he tells the barmaid, “you should get your belly button pierced.”

She says; “why would I want to do that?” And he says it’s a great place to hang an air freshener.

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Hamburger

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!" 

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!" 
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

[worldangel]

Joke: Blind Man

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. 

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: More beer

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighed and got him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..."

The man sighed and said: "It's started."

[worldangel]

Joke: Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. 

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" 
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...  "HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows" 
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A woman rushes into the foyer ...

A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell.

‘Yes,’ says the receptionist irritably.

‘Excuse me,’ says the woman, ‘but I’m in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?’

The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down. Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all.’

 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was this guy at a bar, just...

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

 

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.

 

The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

 

 

Edited February 18, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Dining Companion

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

[worldangel]

Joke: Fight Competition

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. 

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. 

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... Main entrance. 

[worldangel]

Joke: How to Cure a Headache

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.

"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...."

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?"

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home."

[worldangel]

Joke: I get so drunk that I imagine things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Magical Frog

John went to the doctor one day. " Dr. I don't know what to do. The women are scared of me. My penis is too long. What can I do?"

 

The doctor measured it and it was 24 inches long. "Well, you have 2 choices. One, you can have it surgically downsized. Or two, you can go ask a certain frog to marry you." The man instantly said, "I'm not asking a frog to marry me!" "It's okay, he will say no. But it's a lot easier than cutting it."

 

So the doctor gave him directions, and he drove to the pond. He saw the frog, and said, "Frog!" The frog said, "What?" John asked, "Will you marry me?"

 

The frog said, "no." His penis shrunk 6 inches. He noticed this, and decided that 2 more times would be good. He asked again, and again it shrunk 6 more inches. Then he asked a 3rd time. "Frog!" The frog turned, and disgustedly asked, "what do you want?!"

 

John said, "Will you marry me?" The frog said, "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

 

Edited February 18, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Soap And Water

After several exciting dates, Jim invited Tina over to his house for a home-cooked dinner. 
When she sat down at the table, she noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that she had ever seen in her life. 

"Have these dishes ever been washed?" Tina asked, running her fingers over the grit and grime. 
Jim replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." 
Tina felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating. It was really delicious and she said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, Jim took the dishes outside, whistled and yelled, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"