worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: The little man... Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here." The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?" Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket. The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?" "Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?" Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney. The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?" Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: Lost credit card A man says to his friend: "My wife's credit card got stolen last week." "That's a shame," says the friend: "have you told the police?" "No way," says the man: "the thief is spending less than she did!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: Hillbilly in Hospital A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic. After he gets this he won't know anything that's going on." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: Manners A religious farmer spent the day in the city. In a restaurant for his noon meal, he sat near a group of young men. After he bowed his head to give thanks for his food, one of the young men thought he would embarrass the old gentleman. "Hey, farmer, does everyone do that out where you live?" The old man calmly replied, "No, son, the pigs don't!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: Blonde Bet Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.' The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.' Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 6 PM news and so I knew he would jump.' The blonde replied, 'I saw it too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' Bob took the money...... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) Joke: Child of Divorce I really hate the way I found out about my parent’s divorce. What happened was, my mom took me out for ice cream, and she sat me down, she said, Michael, I’m leaving your father, I’m going off to marry another man, and I’m pregnant. And that was really messed up, cause that should have been three different trips to get ice cream. Edited February 19, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: Got Nuts? A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates?" And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: The Vase A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: What Did You Learn? Susie came home from her first day at school. Her mother said, "Well, Honey, what did you learn today?" "Not enough, I guess....They want me to come back again tomorrow." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: Please Back Up! It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker-- "Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee please back up to the Men's Tee!" Mike, still deep in his routine, seemed impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement-- "Would the man on the Ladies Tee kindly back up to the Men's tee, PLEASE!" Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Joke: A visit with Grandpa... A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?" "No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: Rookie Is On The Job A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: The Teacher had asked the class... The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: How many children... Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he`d put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy." Without a moment’s hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: May Joe R.I.P. Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!" "Two and a half carats." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: A guy was driving when a policeman... A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" The driver thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: One Carat too Many Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends. The first said, "He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats." "Impressive." said the second young thing. "Well... yes." the first agreed. "But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: Good News A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat... Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 (edited) Joke: A boy with a monkey on his shoulder... A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema." Edited February 20, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: Good News A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat... Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: No-one home A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edward’s house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?" "Objection, your honour," shouted the other lawyer. There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it. "So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?" "Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Joke: Goodbye, mother Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said. “I'm sorry if I've been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently. “I'm sorry for your loss,” the young man replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?” “Well, as I'm leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?' It would make me feel so much better.” She gave him a sweet smile. “Of course I can,” the young man promised. As she gathered her bags and left, he called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile. Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” he said. “I only have a few items!” “Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her,” explained the clerk. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) Joke: A woman is walking on the road... A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?" Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!" Edited February 21, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) Joke: Railroad A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?" The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small." Edited February 21, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: The black eye... Mr. Bailey saw his son's shiner and demanded, "Scott, who gave you that black eye?" "No one gave it to me dad," replied the spunky lad. "I had to fight for it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: Three Vampires Go To A Bar Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: One day a little girl was sitting... One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: Two words.... The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's office. He's a friendly guy and, on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office, I asked him, "Sir, what is the secret of your success?" He said, "Two words." "And, Sir, what are they?" "Right decisions." "But how do you make right decisions?" "One word," he responded. "And, Sir, what is that?" "Experience." "And how do you get experience?" "Two words." "And, Sir what are they?" "Wrong decisions." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: Special gift An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: Too Much Time Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer. Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in." Wife : Have you brought the grocery? Husband : Bad command or filename. Wife : But I told you in the morning Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort? Wife : What about my new TV? Husband : Variable not found ... Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied... Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband : Too many parameters ... Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. Husband : Data type mismatch. Wife : You are useless. Husband : It's by Default. Wife : What about your Salary? Husband : File in use ... Try after some time. Wife : What is my value in the family. Husband : Unknown Virus Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Joke: For 25 Cents One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents. “Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Partner A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work." Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Apology accepted There once was a girl who wasn't feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty. The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her her boobs would increase by one size. So the girl is walking down the street and someone bumps into her and says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and the woman's boobs went up one size. Then someone accidentally stepped on her foot and said, "I'm sorry," and her boobs got one size bigger. Then she's walking down the street and a man from India bumps into her and says, "Oh my god! A thousand apologies!" Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 Joke: Beastiality So one time I was just thinking of stories to tell and I thought of one. I asked my friends "do you guys remember the first time". "Oh hell yeah they all say" so I'm telling them about mine. So I say well the first time I had sex was in the grass in a vacant plain area. It was a perfect day and we were just going at it for hours and then suddenly her mom comes up to us out of nowhere. So I'm like oh shit "Holy shit what did she do" asks my friend I reply "The first thing that came out of her mouth was baaaaaaaaahhh!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Bedside manner This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck....." Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Best friend One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick, since no one was around for miles, Bob called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick, Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis" the doctor told him "Son your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself" Bob asked" Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom" The doctor says "Sorry there’s nothing we can do" So Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there Jay says with pain " So what did the doctor say?" Bob says" Doctor said your gonna die" Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Big dumb A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets." Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Long BIC Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish?". Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly overhead and the guy says to the other "Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn’t he?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC" Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Bank robber A man with a mask on walks into a bank and goes to the desk. He pulls out a gun and points it at the lady at the desk. He says, 'Open the vault skank'. The woman says, 'Sir, this is a sperm bank. We don’t have any money here'. The man says, 'Open the vault right now or I’m going to blow your fucking head off'. She opens the vault and turns back to the man and he said, 'Take out one of those jars'. The woman said, 'please sir, i promise you we don’t have any money here. This is a sperm bank'. The man said, 'Take out one of those jars right now or ill blow your fucking head off'. The women turns, grabs the jar and looks back to the man and he said, 'Take lid off and swallow it'. She looks at him in disgust and pleads to him saying, 'Sir, this is sperm. Please, I’m not drinking sperm. We don’t have any money here. Please leave'. The man says, 'Take the lid off and drink it or ill blow your fucking head off'. So the woman takes off the lid and kicks it back real quick and swallows it with little to no problem then turns to look back at the man and to her amazement he took off the mask and it was her husband. He looked at her and said, 'See! It's not that fucking difficult is it'. Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Barrel of laughs/Blow job A guy goes on to a ship to sail (and work) but he notices no women on board so he runs to the captain Guy: Capt. Capt.! There’s no woman on board what will be do for pleasure??? Cpt.:Ohh... don’t worry me lad just stick your dick in that barrel and everything will be alright. So after a few weeks at sea the guy sticks his dick in the barrel and gets a wonderful sensation. So he does this every day after that until one day he sticks his dick in the barrel and nothing happens. So he runs to the captain and says: Capt Capt! I stuck my dick in the barrel and nothing happed! Capt.:Ohhh, I forgot to tell you lad, it’s your turn in the barrel! Edited February 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: Two words.... The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's office. He's a friendly guy and, on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office, I asked him, "Sir, what is the secret of your success?" He said, "Two words." "And, Sir, what are they?" "Right decisions." "But how do you make right decisions?" "One word," he responded. "And, Sir, what is that?" "Experience." "And how do you get experience?" "Two words." "And, Sir what are they?" "Wrong decisions." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: What Is Wrong? This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?” The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) Joke: 3 little boys Three little black boys sitting on a porch. The first little black boy says, "What would you do with a million dollars?" The second boy said, "I'd buy that blue Cadillac over there." The third little boy said, "I'd buy the pink Cadillac sitting over there." Then the third little boy asked the first what he'd do with the money. The first boy replied, "I'd cover myself in hair." The other two asked "why?" and he said because my sister has a (2" x 2") patch of hair and she owns both those Cadillacs! Edited February 23, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: Wish granted??? A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish. The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand. Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: The Cleaning Bill Two Buddies were drinking in a bar one night and had become extreamly drunk. One guy was so drunk that he had got sick all over his shirt. He looks at his buddy and says "My wife is gonna kill me when I get home, this is a brand new shirt! His buddy looks at him and says "don't worry, just put $20 in your front pocket and tell her that some guy got sick on you and gave you $20 for the cleaning bill. The guy thinks this is a exellent idea and continues to drink. He closes the bar down and heads home. When he arrives and opens the front door his wife is standing there waiting on him. "Just look at you, you drunk bastard! You even got sick all over yourself". The man replies "No baby, it isn’t like that some guy got sick on me and look here he gave me $20 for the cleaning bill. She pulls the money out of his pocket and counts it and says "Wait one minute there’s $40 here! The guy looks at her and says " Oh yea, he shit in my pants too! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: Chaste Nudist A young woman goes to her doctor and finds out that she is pregnant. She says, "I can't be! The only men I've been around are nudists from my colony, and we only practice sex with our eyes." The doctor replies, "Someone in that colony must be cockeyed." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: Number Jokes A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing. The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke." So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number twenty-nine!" This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, "How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?" "Oh," says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, "we'd never heard that one before." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: An elderly woman called 911 on... An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) Joke: Backhanded Compliment Guys have said to me, You know, Jessi, part of what makes you so pretty is you have no idea how pretty you are. And then they’re just like, Enjoy. And I’m like, that is not nice. That is like, at best, that’s like a backhanded compliment. And at worst, that’s just like a forehanded insult because I know that what that sentence really means is, Part of what makes you so pretty is that your self-esteem is so low, it’s easier for me to f**k you. Edited February 23, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Joke: A pregnant woman gets into a coma ... A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, DeNephew. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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