Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

 

Joke: The Watch

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. 
"I waited until I heard the bedsprings squeaking in my folk's bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me.", replied the little friend.

Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea waited that night until he heard the bedsprings squeaking rhythmically and then ran into his folk's bedroom. 

"What do you want!", asked the father gruffly. 
"I want a watch!", said Johnny. 
"Well sit down and shut up!", replied the father.

[worldangel]

Joke: Her husband had been slipping ...

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

 

 When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck! 
 

Edited August 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: A guy was in a cave, looking for ...

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

 

The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars."

 

The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
 

Edited August 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Rowing Your Boat

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Horse Rider

A blonde decides to learn and try horseback riding assisted without any experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Todd, the Wall-Mart Manager, runs out to turn the horse off.

[worldangel]

Joke: Respectful

Johnny and Michael were fishing in the river below the bridge. Suddenly they observed a funeral procession coming and passing their way. Johnny just dropped the fishing pole, stood at attention and bowed in reverence as the procession went past them.

Michael was mighty impressed and said: “Johnny boy that was a mighty respectful thing to do. I never knew you had this streak in you.”

Johnny: “Yeah man, that's the least I can do. I was married to her for the past twenty two years.”
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Do you know me....

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build anormal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Her husband had been slipping ...

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.

 

When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck! 
 

Edited August 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A lawyer was cross-examining the...

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse."

 

"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."

 

The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
 

Edited August 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Writing a telegram

An owl went to send a telegram and wrote "Hoot Hoot, Hoot Hoot, Hoot Hoot."

The clerk looked at the form and said "You've only six words here, you can have three more for the same fee".

The owl looked at the clerk and said dismissively "But that wouldn't make any sense if I did that".

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Strangers on a train...

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea....let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good", he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Lines

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said, "I want the men to make two lines. 

One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. 

The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. 

God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! 

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" 

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

[worldangel]

Joke: Tacks

A guy walks into the drug store and asks for a package of condoms.
The pharmacist says, "That'll be $5 with the tax."

"Tacks!?" the guy exclaims, "I thought you rolled them on!

[worldangel]

Joke: Flies...

Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females."

"How could you tell them apart, Joe?" asked Charlie.

Joe replied, "That was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a case of beer and the 2 females were on the phone."


 

[worldangel]

Joke: Two very elderly men were having ..

Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.

Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"

Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"

To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"

So the second old man rushed to the store.

The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?'

"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.

"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.

Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"

[worldangel]

Joke: In the middle of the night

Martin and Tina were in bed when the phone rang in the middle of the night. Martin picked up the receiver, listened and shouted: “You idiot, how do you think I am supposed to know that? That damn thing is five hundred miles from here.” And disconnected the line.

Tina asked sleepily: “What was that?”

Martin: “How do I know? Some idiot wanted to know if the coast was clear.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Public Restrooms for Guys

It’s not an enjoyable place.

 

We get a urinal; we don’t get real estate.

 

It’s a little, creepy urinal, right? Ladies, you know what it feels like in the elevator when you’re in complete silence with a bunch of strangers? Now put your penis in your hand.

 

Edited August 17, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: My son....

A young punk gets on the cross town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple & orange. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.

Finally the punk gets self-conscious and yells at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore & had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son."

[worldangel]

Joke: A lawyer died and arrived at t...

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. 

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. 
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" 

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!" 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: At the public pool

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: There were two guys working for...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Her husband had been slipping ...

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.

 

When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck! 

 

Edited August 17, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Blondes on a plane

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

[worldangel]

Joke: Be strong


A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Ploughing The Land


A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"

"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole." 
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Swimming competition

There was a swimming competition between a few girls one summer morning. The style decided was breast-stroke. The event started with the call five…….four…… three…… two…… one…….go.

All the girls reached the finish line more or less the same time except Marie. They all sportingly waited for Marie to arrive. It was almost forty minutes later that Marie reached the finish line. She was totally exhausted and on the verge of collapse. Other girls helped her asked what went wrong.

After regaining her breath Marie said: “My word, you all must have used your arms, otherwise how could you reach so fast? That's cheating.”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Climb The Pole

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby.

For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:

"Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming.

"What are you so happy about?" asked her mother.

"I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: The photographer for a national...

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.

 

He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot.

 

 "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

 

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
 

Edited August 17, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Kick the habit

When my mother came to visit, she noticed I hadn't once lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not feeling well."

"You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick more often."

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96...

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells. 

The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: First Date

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? 

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" 

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. 

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." 
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. 

"We hadn't started eating yet."

[worldangel]

Joke: Couples

An elderly couple who had just celebrated their fiftieth anniversary were sitting on their porch, relaxing. Both were simply reading a book and rocking on their chairs. When suddenly, the wife looks at her husband and whacks him across the head, she goes back to her book.

Her husband, puzzled, asks, "What was that for?"

She replied, "That was for 50 years of bad sex."

They both go back to their books, and a few minutes later, the husband looks at his wife and whacks her across the head, he goes back to reading his book.

The wife, also puzzled asks him, "What was that for?"

Not looking up from his book the husband answers, "That is for knowing the difference."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Is That You, Frank?

“I think I have finally cured my husband of coming home in the wee hours of the morning,” the wife proudly announced to her friend. “Last night, when I heard him fumbling downstairs, I yelled, ‘Is that you, Frank?'” 

“How has that cured him?” questioned her friend. 

“Well, his name is Ed.” 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Snake Needs Glasses

A snake’s eyesight is failing so it pays a visit to the optometrist. “It’s actually affecting my life. I can’t hunt anymore because I can’t see.” The doctor fits the snake for glasses and the snake immediately notices an improvement in his eyesight. 

A week later, the doctor calls the snake to check how the glasses are holding up. “They are fine,” the snake, answers. “But now I’m being treated for depression.” 

“Depression?” asked the doctor. 

“Yeah, my eyesight cleared up, but it made me realize I’ve been dating a garden hose.”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: I’m Going In After It

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide. 

I think you mean "spermicidal," says the cashier. 

"No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: No Excuses Allowed

 

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family. 

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. 

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Who's Been Messing Around?

One by one, the vice presidents of a large corporation were called into the CEO’s office. Then the junior executives were also individually summoned. Finally the summer intern was called in. 

“I want the truth, Jack,” the boss whispered. “Have you been messing around with our accountant?” 

“N-no, sir,” the young man stuttered. “I-I’d never do anything like that, sir!” 

“All right, good,” said the CEO, “then you fire her.” 

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Prices Are Going Up

Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, “They are going to raise the price so, I’m stocking up.” 

The other woman replied, “I’d never go to such extremes to save money. I’m not that tight.”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Grandma...

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson...

"They won't let me fart."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A woman meets a gorgeous man ...

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge, enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, 'Well, how was it?'

The man says, 'You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.'

[worldangel]

Joke: Watch your health

 

My granddad always used to tell me: "No need to watch your money; always watch your health." 

So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my granddad.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: I always believed my...

“I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells.”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Earning His Stripes

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer looked into the distance and warmed to his task.

“Once, I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles,” he began: “I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly, the largest tiger I've ever seen in my life leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find my gun bearer had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

“Under those circumstances, sir, I think anyone would have done the same," the reporter said.

The old explorer replied: "No, not then -– just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'”

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Employees Must Wash Hands

Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands", someone scribbled: I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself

[worldangel]

Joke: Are You Sure You Remember the Plan?

 

A Blonde and a Brunette are going to rob a bank. The day before the robbery the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Do you remember the plan?"

"Yes," says the blonde.

"Well let's go over it," says the Brunette. The day of the robbery the Brunette insists that they go over the plan again so they do. "You have 5 Minutes," says the Brunette. Twenty minutes go by and finally the Blonde comes out of the bank dragging the safe by a rope she tied to it.

The security guard comes running out with his pants around his ankles reaching for is gun. The blonde says, "F*** this", she lets go of the safe, and runs to the car.

They are driving away and the Brunette screams. "YOU IDIOT, I TOLD YOU TO TIE UP THE SECURITY GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!!!"

Edited August 18, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Next Plane to Paris

Irritated by a professor of history who liked to tell off-color stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all get up and leave the room in protest.

The professor got wind of their plan just before class the following day, however, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.” They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France,” he said. The girls looked at one another, arose, and started for the door.

“Ladies, please,” he said with a smile. “The next plane to Paris does not leave until tomorrow afternoon.”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bob, The Neighbor and the $200

A woman gets out of the bath and puts on a towel. Her husband comes into the bathroom to use the toilet. The doorbell rings. The woman goes to answer it wearing only the towel.

She opens the door to find her next door neighbor Bob standing on the doorstep. Bob wolf whistles and says, "I'll give you $200 if you drop the towel?"

The woman doesn't want to miss out on $200, so she drops the towel. Bob takes a good look at the naked woman and then says his goodbye and leaves. As the woman closes the door her husband comes down stairs. "Who was that?" he asks.

"It was Bob," she says.

"Oh right, did he give you the $200 that he owes me?"

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Going Straight to Hell

Managing to pull himself onto the bus early one morning, the drunk stumbled over passengers, knocked over bags and briefcases, and finally fell into a seat beside a prim old woman.

He slumped over her, and she pushed him back. “Mister,” she said indignantly. “I hate to say it, but you are going straight to hell!”

Startled, the drunk leapt to his feet. “Heaven, I’m on the wrong bus!”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Your Face Might Stick That Way

A Kindergarten student was sitting at his desk making funny faces at anyone that would watch. The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way."

Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: It Was the Fig Leaf

We all know that man was basically damned after eating the forbidden fruit. What really condemned man to a life of hell was when Eve asked Adam the one question that all married men dread, "Honey, does this fig leaf make me look fat?"