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Relationship with no anal sex? (compiled)


mikefxh
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Hey guys, I need advice to handle this situation. My boyfriend and I am in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We never had anal sex from the start and it bothers me. I did told him that i miss getting fuck but he always told me to give him time. He did have problem with getting an erection. He tried supplements that i bought for him like tongkat ali and maca and some supplements from the States he bought himself. It does help a bit but the erection will be gone fast. Sometimes he asked me whether I would like to get another guy to fuck me and he just watch. I reject the offer all the time and told him I am willing to wait for him to heal. I am not willing to do it with other guy because it feels like cheating. I mean that would be an open relationship instead and I only want him and not other guy to have me on bed especially having sex. Maybe I just sound selfish and conservative but it is the way I am treating my partner all this time. I hope you guys here can share some tips on how to handle this. Any product that is good for erection? I scare that if this problem gets prolong it will end up with him having erectile dysfunction.

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13 minutes ago, mikefxh said:

Hey guys, I need advice to handle this situation. My boyfriend and I am in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We never had anal sex from the start and it bothers me. I did told him that i miss getting fuck but he always told me to give him time. He did have problem with getting an erection. He tried supplements that i bought for him like tongkat ali and maca and some supplements from the States he bought himself. It does help a bit but the erection will be gone fast. Sometimes he asked me whether I would like to get another guy to fuck me and he just watch. I reject the offer all the time and told him I am willing to wait for him to heal. I am not willing to do it with other guy because it feels like cheating. I mean that would be an open relationship instead and I only want him and not other guy to have me on bed especially having sex. Maybe I just sound selfish and conservative but it is the way I am treating my partner all this time. I hope you guys here can share some tips on how to handle this. Any product that is good for erection? I scare that if this problem gets prolong it will end up with him having erectile dysfunction.

let me help - think out of the box

 

get a dido let him use on your arse - kill two bird with one stone.

 

 

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Hi @mikefxh,

I used to date someone that didn't like anal at all. It used to bother me a little. But in retrospect, I feel like it didn't matter that much because at that time, I liked and loved him regardless and was okay to give up on that, to have sexual intercourse in a way that was pleasurable for both parties. In replacement, I thought about toys and other ways to maybe deal with that.. but that was just from my experience and may not be for everyone.

Sex is a mutual thing. I think as with all things in relationships, it takes time and compromise. There can always be some middle ground where both parties can agree on for sex among other things in a relationship. There are many other activities in the bedroom that may be just as fulfilling. I'm in no way encouraging anything, just to maybe say.. it would be okay to try other things in the meantime. Even toys or other stuff may help too. I just wanna say, it's so beautiful that you have found yourself a caring partner that is willing to compromise and try. And this relationship or affinity is hard to come by and is so worth treasuring. That alone can be way more purposeful than sex itself. Many of us that haven't found that special someone envy you and your partner so much! Hope you and your partner manage to find some common ground to work through this. I wish you guys the best and all the love in the world. :) Sorry for not actually giving any concrete products or methods to help.

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24 minutes ago, mikefxh said:

Hey guys, I need advice to handle this situation. My boyfriend and I am in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We never had anal sex from the start and it bothers me. I did told him that i miss getting fuck but he always told me to give him time. He did have problem with getting an erection. He tried supplements that i bought for him like tongkat ali and maca and some supplements from the States he bought himself. It does help a bit but the erection will be gone fast. Sometimes he asked me whether I would like to get another guy to fuck me and he just watch. I reject the offer all the time and told him I am willing to wait for him to heal. I am not willing to do it with other guy because it feels like cheating. I mean that would be an open relationship instead and I only want him and not other guy to have me on bed especially having sex. Maybe I just sound selfish and conservative but it is the way I am treating my partner all this time. I hope you guys here can share some tips on how to handle this. Any product that is good for erection? I scare that if this problem gets prolong it will end up with him having erectile dysfunction.

I find it hard to believe , your re/ship , esp your desire vs your love to him 

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4 minutes ago, mikefxh said:

I wanted to get one. Just he is not willing to play anal with me. He did rim and fondle my ass, rubbing him dick on my ass but never went inside. Oh ya, we did bought viagra before, he just forgot to take it every time we are on bed together.

Is there something to it? Or I am reading too much in between the lines

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6 minutes ago, jimmy lee2 said:

Hi @mikefxh,

I used to date someone that didn't like anal at all. It used to bother me a little. But in retrospect, I feel like it didn't matter that much because at that time, I liked and loved him regardless and was okay to give up on that, to have sexual intercourse in a way that was pleasurable for both parties. In replacement, I thought about toys and other ways to maybe deal with that.. but that was just from my experience and may not be for everyone.

Sex is a mutual thing. I think as with all things in relationships, it takes time and compromise. There can always be some middle ground where both parties can agree on for sex among other things in a relationship. There are many other activities in the bedroom that may be just as fulfilling. I'm in no way encouraging anything, just to maybe say.. it would be okay to try other things in the meantime. Even toys or other stuff may help too. I just wanna say, it's so beautiful that you have found yourself a caring partner that is willing to compromise and try. And this relationship or affinity is hard to come by and is so worth treasuring. That alone can be way more purposeful than sex itself. Many of us that haven't found that special someone envy you and your partner so much! Hope you and your partner manage to find some common ground to work through this. I wish you guys the best and all the love in the world. :) Sorry for not actually giving any concrete products or methods to help.

Yes, i read about people who are in relationship without anal sex before. We are in a great relationship and we are in good term with our parents as well. This CNY I will be celebrating at his parent house as I am his "wife". Got to follow the tradition as his mother is very strict on that. I am just feeling frustrated from not getting anal for almost 2 years now. Maybe I should buy a dildo and surprise him this CNY. Hopefully that will get him to hold his erection.

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10 minutes ago, JamesAdmas said:

Is there something to it? Or I am reading too much in between the lines

He took it out of curiosity one time and jerk off. He never took it ever since. It should be expired now. Damn, got to check expiry date of stuffs now. Yesterday got back home from work thought my yogurt still good and took a sip. Regretted it.

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7 minutes ago, mikefxh said:

He took it out of curiosity one time and jerk off. He never took it ever since. It should be expired now. Damn, got to check expiry date of stuffs now. Yesterday got back home from work thought my yogurt still good and took a sip. Regretted it.

Like that. U only wanted him n willing to wait. Salute u. Sex isnt everything in r/s. Anal is part of it. Ive pmed u for the solution hopefully. Hope it helps u guys 

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31 minutes ago, mikefxh said:

I wanted to get one. Just he is not willing to play anal with me. He did rim and fondle my ass, rubbing him dick on my ass but never went inside. Oh ya, we did bought viagra before, he just forgot to take it every time we are on bed together.

 

Hes probably a btm

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17 minutes ago, Innocentguy said:

Like that. U only wanted him n willing to wait. Salute u. Sex isnt everything in r/s. Anal is part of it. Ive pmed u for the solution hopefully. Hope it helps u guys 

Yes, relationship need to both side to give and take. Sex is just a part of the excitement in it. We do have sex and it was fun. Just I wish to put anal in the menu as well.

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1 hour ago, mikefxh said:

I wanted to get one. Just he is not willing to play anal with me. He did rim and fondle my ass, rubbing him dick on my ass but never went inside. Oh ya, we did bought viagra before, he just forgot to take it every time we are on bed together.

He must have seldom exercise. You two plan time together go exercise or trekking ~ 

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Hey Mike, you are right that there’s so much more to a relationship than just sex, and that’s good to remember. 
 

One thing though, not everyone is into anal sex. There are lots of people are are only interested in oral and cuddles - whether one believes it or not. Sometimes, they are too polite to say so especially if their partner is really into it - because it puts the relationship at risk. 
 

Of course there are ways around it that doesn’t have to be bound by ‘traditional hetero’ values. the fact that he even offers to be part of your anal experience with someone else by being there is saying something. A dildo is another option.


Think of it this way, would you rather have 100% Commitment of someone who is 80% right for you (the 20% being he doesn’t want to do anal) or 80% commitment of someone who is 100% compatible but you will never have him fully as a bf (for whatever reason).

 

Wishing you all the best as you both grow and enjoy CNY in the mean time with his family :).

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Maybe you need to take matters into your own hand and keep the viagra handy with you and make him take it when you're about to engage in sex. 

 

Having said that, there could be many reasons why he is experiencing erectile dysfunction - it's such a  taboo topic that many guys find it hard to talk about. This may sound like a silly question but have you guys actually discussed it openly and honestly? How old is he? Is he turned on by you? It could be a simple issue like a bottom not douching for example or even the use of a condom can numb the sensation. 

 

Tops can develop anxiety too, to perform to an expectation and when someone points out that he has a flaccid penis it could make it worse during sex because all he's thinking about is his inability to perform. Be sensitive when you approach it. 

 

I wish you all the best because it is a tricky situation to be in - I know I cannot be with a guy if he doesn't put out contrary to what others contrary to what others say here. 

Edited by Topper
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1 minute ago, mikefxh said:

That's true. I can't bring him to do exercise as he is diabetic and get bruised easily.

Need sun. Exercise boost libido and raises sex drive. Also get some sun (Not vitamin d supplement. The physical sun ray)

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5 hours ago, gamcubmelb said:

Hey Mike, you are right that there’s so much more to a relationship than just sex, and that’s good to remember. 
 

One thing though, not everyone is into anal sex. There are lots of people are are only interested in oral and cuddles - whether one believes it or not. Sometimes, they are too polite to say so especially if their partner is really into it - because it puts the relationship at risk. 
 

Of course there are ways around it that doesn’t have to be bound by ‘traditional hetero’ values. the fact that he even offers to be part of your anal experience with someone else by being there is saying something. A dildo is another option.


Think of it this way, would you rather have 100% Commitment of someone who is 80% right for you (the 20% being he doesn’t want to do anal) or 80% commitment of someone who is 100% compatible but you will never have him fully as a bf (for whatever reason).

 

Wishing you all the best as you both grow and enjoy CNY in the mean time with his family :).

The 2 of us lay it down that being together in a relationship there will be no 3rd party from the start. He were just teasing me with having a threesome so that i can have anal. Usually i just act in anger when he suggest that which will end up with sex hahaha.. Or maybe i am dumb enough to put faith that his condition will get better.

 

We both had relationship where it ended up with our ex is cheating and it turn out badly. Long story. Anyway, we are in monogamous relationship. :)

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5 hours ago, Topper said:

Maybe you need to take matters into your own hand and keep the viagra handy with you and make him take it when you're about to engage in sex. 

 

Having said that, there could be many reasons why he is experiencing erectile dysfunction - it's such a  taboo topic that many guys find it hard to talk about. This may sound like a silly question but have you guys actually discussed it openly and honestly? How old is he? Is he turned on by you? It could be a simple issue like a bottom not douching for example or even the use of a condom can numb the sensation. 

 

Tops can develop anxiety too, to perform to an expectation and when someone points out that he has a flaccid penis it could make it worse during sex because all he's thinking about is his inability to perform. Be sensitive when you approach it. 

 

I wish you all the best because it is a tricky situation to be in - I know I cannot be with a guy if he doesn't put out contrary to what others contrary to what others say here. 

He did told me he consulted GP before and it is performance anxiety. My guess is that it is related to him being diabetic.

 

Sometime he will get strong erection and most of the time is average. I do flirt and tease him in public and he gets hard from that. He could be an exhibitionist. I don't know.

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Guest Same experience

Your boy friend is just like mine.... He is also in his 40s and for some strange reasons he doesn't like to play ass.... Meaning he does not like to play my ass like rub it or lick it or fuck it. At the same time he doesn't like me to play with his ass either although if I complain enough then he will let me fuck him. The few times I fucked him he seem to enjoy it but he would not let me do more like licking his ass or fingering him or lick my cum off his ass. He would just let me fuck him bec I complain and that's it. The reason he would give me on why he won't fuck me is he doesn't want to hurt me bec he is too big and my ass is too tight.... But I so long to feel his cock inside my ass..... 

Like you I dont wnat to go outside to play...... What to do? 

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6 minutes ago, Guest Same experience said:

Your boy friend is just like mine.... He is also in his 40s and for some strange reasons he doesn't like to play ass.... Meaning he does not like to play my ass like rub it or lick it or fuck it. At the same time he doesn't like me to play with his ass either although if I complain enough then he will let me fuck him. The few times I fucked him he seem to enjoy it but he would not let me do more like licking his ass or fingering him or lick my cum off his ass. He would just let me fuck him bec I complain and that's it. The reason he would give me on why he won't fuck me is he doesn't want to hurt me bec he is too big and my ass is too tight.... But I so long to feel his cock inside my ass..... 

Like you I dont wnat to go outside to play...... What to do? 

 

at some point, I hope the temptation to will not be too strong

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1 hour ago, mikefxh said:

He is 45 and i am 28.

 

I am the same age as your BF. i think it is mental at this point about anal sex. Maybe he is too used to cumming with hands/mouth to enjoy anal sex fully. This is something you 2 need to go explore and figure it out. Since it is bothering you, you need to have the discussion with him. Explain the reasons you want to experience anal sex with him. Anal sex can be one of the most intimate acts you 2 have as a couple. Tell him why you want it. Viagra should help, but also get a cock ring for him. 

 

At the same time. also explore sexual fantasies together. Do something new and different from what you guys normally do to get into the "mood." 

Love. 

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2 hours ago, mikefxh said:

That's true. I can't bring him to do exercise as he is diabetic and get bruised easily.

 

Tell him u r very sweet  already. 

 

He needs no sugar anymore. 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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40 minutes ago, Guest Same experience said:

Your boy friend is just like mine.... He is also in his 40s and for some strange reasons he doesn't like to play ass.... Meaning he does not like to play my ass like rub it or lick it or fuck it. At the same time he doesn't like me to play with his ass either although if I complain enough then he will let me fuck him. The few times I fucked him he seem to enjoy it but he would not let me do more like licking his ass or fingering him or lick my cum off his ass. He would just let me fuck him bec I complain and that's it. The reason he would give me on why he won't fuck me is he doesn't want to hurt me bec he is too big and my ass is too tight.... But I so long to feel his cock inside my ass..... 

Like you I dont wnat to go outside to play...... What to do? 

 

Tell him,

 

No cock is too big, no ass is too tight.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Guest Same experience

I guess he loves me too much to want to hurt me. He knew that I have been using carrots to loosen my ass for him and been suffering from tears and difficulty healing the wounds around the ass entry... I guess I do have A tight ass...... So sad! 

I wonder if perhaps TS and his bf should meet with us to see how 2 suffering /dissatisfied couples can help each other.... 

 

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21 minutes ago, Dan 28 said:

I have never like anal sex ...never tried it and will probably not ....

I was always too afraid to try being fuckedbec I can imagine how painful it would be. Then I had a medical examination and the doc (female!) shoved her middle or index finger into my ass and I felt good! After that I tried it at home with my own finger and I auto ejaculated. 

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If his erection issue is diabetic related, then I am afraid it is not going to improve.

If psychological, then maybe got chance, but then gotta ask why after 2 years still got problem. Anxiety initially is understandable, but after 2 years, it's a bit ....

 

His "reluctance" to take viagra... to me, it sounds like he doesn't really want to do anal with you.

Most likely he is really more a btm than a vers.

Or he is simply not into anal sex at all.

 

Your chance of a fulfilling sex life with him is limited, but does not mean you have to give him up as far as relationship concerned.

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8 hours ago, Guest Same experience said:

Your boy friend is just like mine.... He is also in his 40s and for some strange reasons he doesn't like to play ass.... Meaning he does not like to play my ass like rub it or lick it or fuck it. At the same time he doesn't like me to play with his ass either although if I complain enough then he will let me fuck him. The few times I fucked him he seem to enjoy it but he would not let me do more like licking his ass or fingering him or lick my cum off his ass. He would just let me fuck him bec I complain and that's it. The reason he would give me on why he won't fuck me is he doesn't want to hurt me bec he is too big and my ass is too tight.... But I so long to feel his cock inside my ass..... 

Like you I dont wnat to go outside to play...... What to do? 

Poor thing. At least he rimmed me and play with my ass but no penetration. And he's a biter. He is good at locating my erogenous spots, not many guys I dated is good as him when compare to foreplay. And since it is mostly non penetrative sex i feel like im stuck at never ending loop of foreplay all the time.

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8 hours ago, doncoin said:

 

I am the same age as your BF. i think it is mental at this point about anal sex. Maybe he is too used to cumming with hands/mouth to enjoy anal sex fully. This is something you 2 need to go explore and figure it out. Since it is bothering you, you need to have the discussion with him. Explain the reasons you want to experience anal sex with him. Anal sex can be one of the most intimate acts you 2 have as a couple. Tell him why you want it. Viagra should help, but also get a cock ring for him. 

 

At the same time. also explore sexual fantasies together. Do something new and different from what you guys normally do to get into the "mood." 

I will get a cock ring for him. Sexual fantasy like roleplay is kinda kinky. I wanted to try the soldier and detainee thing but he lost his uniform when he moved out of toa payoh. And I can't fit my police uniform anymore. Wanna try the teacher and student thing but not sure whether he will get turn on by it as he is a teacher by profession. Sad.

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6 hours ago, Guest Same experience said:

I guess he loves me too much to want to hurt me. He knew that I have been using carrots to loosen my ass for him and been suffering from tears and difficulty healing the wounds around the ass entry... I guess I do have A tight ass...... So sad! 

I wonder if perhaps TS and his bf should meet with us to see how 2 suffering /dissatisfied couples can help each other.... 

 

Ouch that hurt. I used to do the same thing as you but not for the reason of loosen up. Cucumber and it hurts a lot and that was before i even have any gay friend or partner. I lean toward being bottom at the early age hahaha... Bleeding is not fun and if it hurt you shouldn't force yourself into it. I can't really make time to meet up though as my work shift is crazy, i had to wake up early and going back late. Especially now that CNY is around the corner, I just stuck with more work to do. I talk to him first and see if he agree to meet.

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2 hours ago, dashu said:

If his erection issue is diabetic related, then I am afraid it is not going to improve.

If psychological, then maybe got chance, but then gotta ask why after 2 years still got problem. Anxiety initially is understandable, but after 2 years, it's a bit ....

 

His "reluctance" to take viagra... to me, it sounds like he doesn't really want to do anal with you.

Most likely he is really more a btm than a vers.

Or he is simply not into anal sex at all.

 

Your chance of a fulfilling sex life with him is limited, but does not mean you have to give him up as far as relationship concerned.

He is more into oral. I love oral as well as i like the taste of cum and he cum in my mouth,feeling him throbbing in me is what turn me on.

 

I can get him hard for oral but when i try to put it in my ass, it will go limp fast. Leaving him is not in my mind, we have plans to get married. Hopefully he can consummate the marriage 😆I believe anal sex is the most intimate part of love making ritual.

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3 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

If he is really not a bottom as you believed, then he is "not into anal sex".  A person can never get erected if he doesn't like anal sex. 

That's true. I will try again with the viagra/cialis and see what happen. I just scare it will hurt him in the long run. These kind of products are not good for the heart right?

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30 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

If he is really not a bottom as you believed, then he is "not into anal sex".  A person can never get erected if he doesn't like anal sex. 

As far as i know, he's a top. From time to time he will will buy condoms just in case anal sex is in the menu. But now all the condoms going to spoil soon.

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18 hours ago, mikefxh said:

Hey guys, I need advice to handle this situation. My boyfriend and I am in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We never had anal sex from the start and it bothers me. I did told him that i miss getting fuck but he always told me to give him time. He did have problem with getting an erection. He tried supplements that i bought for him like tongkat ali and maca and some supplements from the States he bought himself. It does help a bit but the erection will be gone fast. Sometimes he asked me whether I would like to get another guy to fuck me and he just watch. I reject the offer all the time and told him I am willing to wait for him to heal. I am not willing to do it with other guy because it feels like cheating. I mean that would be an open relationship instead and I only want him and not other guy to have me on bed especially having sex. Maybe I just sound selfish and conservative but it is the way I am treating my partner all this time. I hope you guys here can share some tips on how to handle this. Any product that is good for erection? I scare that if this problem gets prolong it will end up with him having erectile dysfunction.

 

Have he tried fingering?

 

Dildo is abit of a turn off but he can finger while kissing you and making out with your dick

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2 hours ago, mikefxh said:

As far as i know, he's a top. From time to time he will will buy condoms just in case anal sex is in the menu. But now all the condoms going to spoil soon.

 

The balls is in his cock.  Promise him you won't leave him.

Don't read and response to guests' post

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2 hours ago, mikefxh said:

As far as i know, he's a top. From time to time he will will buy condoms just in case anal sex is in the menu. But now all the condoms going to spoil soon.

 

 

Buy condoms and not fucking u = fucking others, simple as that I would think

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14 hours ago, mikefxh said:

That's true. I can't bring him to do exercise as he is diabetic and get bruised easily.

 

He is your bf and you love him.  He is 17 years older than you,  in his mid 40s.  And he has diabetes. 

 

This means that there is something much more important than anal sex or no anal sex.  This is : HIS DIABETES, his health.

If he has diabetes at 45, his health is not expected to get better by itself.  Bad blood circulation,  neuropathy, amputation, etc. etc.

Is his diabetes a type 1 that is inborn, or type 2 that comes from lifestyle?  If it's the latter, that can be helped.

 

Is there some action you two can give high priority to improve his diabetes?

You want him to live for many decades longer in decent health so you don't have to be his caretaker?

If his diabetes is type 2,  forget about anal sex and get busy motivating him to eat an appropriate diet  (plenty of info abut this everywhere) and get him to exercise, in ways that don't cause bruises (also there is much exercise of this type).

If you help him with his diabetes,  won't he be so grateful as to accept that you get your anal sex from someone else?

A relationship should be an exchange of services, sacrifices, gratitudes.  Not a rigid regimented example of traditional morality.

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3 hours ago, mikefxh said:

He is more into oral. I love oral as well as i like the taste of cum and he cum in my mouth,feeling him throbbing in me is what turn me on.

 

I can get him hard for oral but when i try to put it in my ass, it will go limp fast. Leaving him is not in my mind, we have plans to get married. Hopefully he can consummate the marriage 😆I believe anal sex is the most intimate part of love making ritual.

Touched to read yr life story here. Its a bit sentimental for me. Yr love towards him n all. U will reach to the moment where sex n anal no longer important n needed. So love him more. The company n love plays very very important part in everyone's life. Hope u realise that n stay with him forever. Last but not least, invite us for yr wedding ya

😊

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For ED dysfunction in general

: i read if taking certain heart disease med then go easy with viagra

: i know frens who start off (0.5 pill of 100mg; 30 min) with generic brand (eg: iqnyde fr Msia) containing Sildenafil (active ingredients of Viagra); buy fr Msia pharmacy without prescription. "Side effects" range fr minor headache to no effects.

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