Married friend got caught having gay sex ended up in bad divorce and lost almost everything

[GachiMuchi]

Last year, one of my married friend finally settled his case with his ex-wife who caught him having an affair with a gay boyfriend.

It was a bad divorce, the wife got half the money from the proceed of his house and almost much of his other half of his proceed from the sale for other payments and he still has to pay alimonies.

He told me that his wife had instigated his children not to get in touch with him.

When he told me about his failed marriage, I can sense much hate for his ex-wife.

He is lucky to have his current bf that had been with him for many years, they even have a company together.

 

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

Edited January 5 by GachiMuchi

[Balestier]

1 hour ago, GachiMuchi said:

Last year, one of my married friend finally settled his case with his ex-wife who caught him having an affair with a gay boyfriend.

It was a bad divorce, the wife got half the money from the proceed of his house and almost much of his other half of his proceed from the sale for other payments and he still has to pay alimonies.

He told me that his wife had instigated his children not to get in touch with him.

When he told me about his failed marriage, I can sense much hate for his ex-wife.

He is lucky to have his current bf that had been with him for many years, they even have a company together.

 

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

Losing her man to another man

[Pubic01]

Not sure if your friend’s considered a Bi or a closeted gay case (who wants best of both sides)
 

This is a foreseeable tragedy when folks try stretching their situational limitations and attempt a difficult balancing act. There’s a hefty price tag to such attempt. 

[And then]

Is it necessarily a gay thing? 

 

Would it be any different if the friend had a female mistress instead?    I guess gay makes it easier to badmouth him.

 

For the ex wife to poison their children's minds is just plain wrong. 

[Guest Guest]

Power of the Women Charter. 

[Balestier]

1 hour ago, And then said:

Is it necessarily a gay thing? 

 

Would it be any different if the friend had a female mistress instead?    I guess gay makes it easier to badmouth him.

 

For the ex wife to poison their children's minds is just plain wrong. 

Would it be worse of to lost yr bf to a guy or women ?  Maybe it's hard for ex wife to accept it. Give her some time. Who are we to say she is wrong ?? Not in her shoes

[Guest Guest]

@GachiMuchi I don't feel sorry for your friend who lost almost everything. I feel having an affair is wrong in the first place when one is married and especially when he has kids. My own brother had an affair (not with a guy) and i feel sorry for his ex-wife and three children that I also cut off my contact with him now. 

[GachiMuchi]

30 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

@GachiMuchi I don't feel sorry for your friend who lost almost everything. I feel having an affair is wrong in the first place when one is married and especially when he has kids. My own brother had an affair (not with a guy) and i feel sorry for his ex-wife and three children that I also cut off my contact with him now. 

 

Sorry to hear about your brother. Hope he had since recovered from the incident.

I usually don't judge about other's action. Each of these people will have to answer for their action.

As I had spoken to a couple of married men and from a reliable source, I know there are many married gay men that are on Telegram  (see personals in BW) that hookup with other married gay men for fun and with what I was told, these gay married men leads very complicated lives and have orgies amongst themselves, etc.

 

The reason I asked the question is because I think many married gays have different life's path and maybe some of these married gays, found a way to have a good married life and also have a gay boyfriend.

 

Or how they overcome being in the center of the storm and how his ex-wife, kids, both families reacted to his exposure for having an affair with other gay men. 

[Guest Guest]

4 hours ago, And then said:

Is it necessarily a gay thing? 

 

Would it be any different if the friend had a female mistress instead?    I guess gay makes it easier to badmouth him.

 

For the ex wife to poison their children's minds is just plain wrong. 

Not easy for a woman to accept their husband to have an affair outside, furthermore the person having an affair with her husband is a guy. Anyway, it is morally wrong for a person to have an affair after married, whether it is a str8 affair or gay affair. But everyone should be responsible for their own action if they choose the path they want to take.

[single42]

7 hours ago, GachiMuchi said:

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

 

Hi. i had a divorced 8yrs back. the fact is that my marriage wasn't a conventional one. married a Trans. yes... it was a big issue; it was all over the media. the fact was that my family didn't like her; neither did she love my family. we fought almost every day. it's not happily ever after marriage. I wasn't really having an affair but i was just being close to a female friend as i was having issue with my marriage therefore i decided to let go the marriage. 

 

she refused to hold onto a long-term job just because of who she is and what she is. since tired of fighting everyday... might as well let her go. right now, i am with another lady from Philippine who values family first & have never ever pressure me into anything. she respected me and she put me first on everything. 

 

the divorce was ugly & costly. i even gave up my matrimonial flat & gave her everything. Thank God that we didn't have kids. 

 

Different guys have different strokes. It's up to the guy how they overcome the situation & walk out of it.  There's no support system. 

 

Not easy for a woman to accept their husband to have an affair outside. Anyway, it is morally wrong for a person to have an affair after married, whether it is a str8 affair or gay affair. But everyone should be responsible for their own action if they choose the path they want to take.

 

 

[cutejack]

My point of view. If u r a gay or bi , please please for goodness sake don't get married. I have few frens whom I would say greedy &/ smart coz they seriously want the best of both worlds which I find it extremely a selfish act. 

They are getting married to a woman intentionally to secure a safe old-age life coz they are aware that gay love don't last. At the same time, their lust n hormone wanted men touch n sex. But its always the karma wins at the end. Coz somehow they can't hide the secret from their wives for too long or they will get betrayed or slapped from the gays. So, please think many times before settling down in a marriage life as this is not an overnight thing. 

After that, don't blame the women charter. 

[doncoin]

I do feel bad for men who have to remain closeted under the guise of a hetero-marriage to pass off as straight. There is undeniable pressure in Singapore to be part of the heterosexual norm. So, unsurprisingly, many gay men choose to remain closeted and marry. The problem is that the gay man choose not to be honest with himself and his wife. All of the heartaches and consequences that ensued are preventable. 

[GachiMuchi]

I considered myself lucky not to be in the era where I will be pressured to get married. And I realised that I am gay at 17 and only accepted myself as gay at 27. So, i instinctively chose not to marry. As the eldest in the family, I do feel that my family and relatives do hope that I bring a girl back, and as in any Asian family, during CNY or wedding dinners, etc. I will be questioned why am I still single and why I did not bring someone back to meet the parents. I would tell give them the excuse, that I won't married for marriage's sake. 

 

I can understand that when we come to a certain age, we will be given direct or indirect pressure to marry. I chose to ignore these pressure and to do what I felt is the best options for me.  I used to condemn those married gays who have extra marital affairs, and after fucking enough married gays and talking to them later, I begin to understand why they chose to marry.

some marred out of family /societal pressure,

some married because they really want a family,

some of them married to have a cover to hide their gayness.

some married to get inheritances, etc

Then there are some, like my married friend, blur blur and do the right thing by getting married and only after married, realises that he also like men and wants a male partner as a confidant and enjoys sex with men. 

 

Whatever their reasons, we will not be able to understand their happiness or pain as a married gay and how complicated their lives can be.

My married friend told me that he knows he is risking his marriage but he felt lonely without having someone he can talk to that understands him and can share his stories to.

I will always keeps reminding him not to throw caution to the air as his world would collapse should his family finds out. 

 

So he chose to just go sauna for his fun and when he needs to talk, he will call me up for coffee.

 

Then, there are those who would be married and yet goes around having fun or orgies with men but keeps telling people they are discreet, etc. 

 

Who are we to judge them. As men, most men are horny, you either fuck a woman or a man, or for some married gays, they need someone to fuck them, where their wife are unable to do.

 

So live and let live. It's their life and they will have to clear their own shit and reap their own karma, good or bad.

 

Edited January 6 by GachiMuchi

[Steve5380]

39 minutes ago, GachiMuchi said:

 

So live and let live. It's their life and they will have to clear their own shit and reap their own karma, good or bad.

 

 

Fortunately,  there are some gay men who marry and have a family, and it all ends for good.  I have proof of this. 

[doncoin]

Here is an interesting article from 2016 about a similar phenomenal in China. 

 

China's 'Tongqi': The Millions of Straight Women Married to Closeted Gay Men

 

https://www.vice.com/en/article/43gdpp/chinas-tongqi-the-millions-of-straight-women-married-to-closeted-gay-men

 

 

[GachiMuchi]

2 minutes ago, doncoin said:

Here is an interesting article from 2016 about a similar phenomenal in China. 

 

China's 'Tongqi': The Millions of Straight Women Married to Closeted Gay Men

 

https://www.vice.com/en/article/43gdpp/chinas-tongqi-the-millions-of-straight-women-married-to-closeted-gay-men

 

 

Yes, they are called 同妻.

[Guest Oops]

Relationship does goes sour for whatever the reason. It is not a game of pointing finger when things goes wrong. People are more reluctant to fall into the trap of a long term relationship when the commitment is huge.

[Cosmo guy]

I just want to say, not just because we are Asian

Everywhere are the same , In straight families in Europe and Westerners are  also expecting you to marry with Woman, not a Man 

What made bit differently is mostly Nonn Asian parents accepted it while crying inside their hearts, while Asian parents mostly rejected it directly 

 

one thousand people have one thousand different stories  and solutions, so you cant put your own standard to others . Just be responsible for your actions and the outcome.

 

[Balestier]

Btw women are not stupid and they are very sensitive. Don't think you can lie forever. Just don't get caught red handed

[Guest Oops]

Nobody is stupid in a relationship. It take 2 to clap. Both parties are in faults. Just that one is more protected than the other.

[Guest Guest]

On 1/5/2024 at 3:58 PM, GachiMuchi said:

Last year, one of my married friend finally settled his case with his ex-wife who caught him having an affair with a gay boyfriend.

It was a bad divorce, the wife got half the money from the proceed of his house and almost much of his other half of his proceed from the sale for other payments and he still has to pay alimonies.

He told me that his wife had instigated his children not to get in touch with him.

When he told me about his failed marriage, I can sense much hate for his ex-wife.

He is lucky to have his current bf that had been with him for many years, they even have a company together.

 

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

 

Why you so kaypoh go post about other people's matters? Don't tell me 他是你的人? SO CORNY! Hahahahaha... 

[Balestier]

44 minutes ago, Guest Oops said:

Nobody is stupid in a relationship. It take 2 to clap. Both parties are in faults. Just that one is more protected than the other.

Got .. the stupid guy thinking their homecwives at home taking care of their kids. Maybe she getting fxxked by another guy on their bed. That's the nature of this game. Suck thumb if want to get married. Karma is looking

Edited January 6 by Balestier

[Balestier]

30 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Why you so kaypoh go post about other people's matters? Don't tell me 他是你的人? SO CORNY! Hahahahaha... 

It's so sharing so that dumb ppl will learn and dumb their sex buddy to avoid expensive divorcees 

[GachiMuchi]

7 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Why you so kaypoh go post about other people's matters? Don't tell me 他是你的人? SO CORNY! Hahahahaha... 

Actually I had been known to be deliver of corny jokes.

I was half teasing and half joking and I could even think of my married friend being deflowered during a rainy thunderstorm

or in another scenario I turned and smoked a cigarette, while my friend clutched the bedsheets and deliver, 我是你的人了，你要对我好. 

corny enough?

[Balestier]

8 hours ago, GachiMuchi said:

Actually I had been known to be deliver of corny jokes.

I was half teasing and half joking and I could even think of my married friend being deflowered during a rainy thunderstorm

or in another scenario I turned and smoked a cigarette, while my friend clutched the bedsheets and deliver, 我是你的人了，你要对我好. 

corny enough?

And happily married after. The End

[HC-B]

On 1/5/2024 at 3:58 PM, GachiMuchi said:

Last year, one of my married friend finally settled his case with his ex-wife who caught him having an affair with a gay boyfriend.

It was a bad divorce, the wife got half the money from the proceed of his house and almost much of his other half of his proceed from the sale for other payments and he still has to pay alimonies.

He told me that his wife had instigated his children not to get in touch with him.

When he told me about his failed marriage, I can sense much hate for his ex-wife.

He is lucky to have his current bf that had been with him for many years, they even have a company together.

 

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

Such as that former NKF CEO who is married to a woman and has 2 grown up kids and was fired after his sexual dalliance with a working level male subordinate was exposed by that same manipulative subordinate slut (somehow, I suspect, though unproven, money and the withholding of it was involved). I always wondered what their dinner conversations would have been like at home during the early stages of the public exposé aftermath…

 

Your anecdote also makes me recall and compare with 2 similar real life cases—Oscar Wilde and Leonard Bernstein.

 

In Wilde’s case, his ex wife Constance Lloyd visited him once while he was imprisoned for homosexual sex and affair with Alfred Douglas to deliver news of his mother's death. She also took sole custody of their two sons and changed their surname to Holland to escape the negative publicity, and relocated with them to Switzerland, never to let Wilde see them again in his lifetime.

 

In Bernstein’s case, his late wife Felicia Monteleagre seemed to be aware of his homosexual affairs and dalliances with other men, but she stayed on in their open secret of a marriage, albeit with much grievances, I suspect.

 

Both cases were considered as involving high society power couples, with rather differing outcomes.

[Guest Guest]

Very sad situation in China where millions of gay men are forced to marry heterosexual woman and having to live double life. If under family/social pressure, gay man should marry gay woman and both can cover for each other. Also they can be best friends as long as both parties are clear. Would this kind of situation work?

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

11 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Very sad situation in China where millions of gay men are forced to marry heterosexual woman and having to live double life. If under family/social pressure, gay man should marry gay woman and both can cover for each other. Also they can be best friends as long as both parties are clear. Would this kind of situation work?

 

 

 

may not work... marry is not e END-PT u noe... b4 marry - they ask when u get marry?

after marry - they ask when u has kids? sure a lot other qns de..

[Balestier]

3 minutes ago, Guest guest said:

may not work... marry is not e END-PT u noe... b4 marry - they ask when u get marry?

after marry - they ask when u has kids? sure a lot other qns de..

There are childless couples. Your family and relatives not going to take care of Ur children for you

[Balestier]

17 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Very sad situation in China where millions of gay men are forced to marry heterosexual woman and having to live double life. If under family/social pressure, gay man should marry gay woman and both can cover for each other. Also they can be best friends as long as both parties are clear. Would this kind of situation work?

 

 

 

Maybe if both get along well. The women  gets upper hand in a divorce

[doncoin]

13 hours ago, HC-B said:

In Bernstein’s case, his late wife Felicia Monteleagre seemed to be aware of his homosexual affairs and dalliances with other men, but she stayed on in their open secret of a marriage, albeit with much grievances, I suspect.

 

Both cases were considered as involving high society power couples, with rather differing outcomes.

 

 

I just saw the movie Maestro on Netflix about Bernstein with my neighbour (she is in her 70s), who knew and had worked with him in the 70s when she was a young woman. In her words, Bernstein was "flamboyantly gay" and everybody who knew him knew it. But she also reminded me about the time in the 40s/50s when Bernstein married his wife, it was not uncommon for many gay men to marry and have kids to maintain the heterosexual facade. As long as you have a wife and kids, who is to argue that you are gay, even if you are caught with your pants down with another man? It is a twisted sort of thinking, but this was a period before gay rights, the pre-AIDS crisis, and everyone was complicit with the facade. This was all before the sexual revolution, the women's rights movement, that started later in the 60s and 70s. 

 

Women also don't divorce as much in those days. So the fallacy was it is better to be with a gay husband and put up with his affairs than to be a divorced woman. Things like alimony, and divorce settlement were not as established then as they are now. 

 

I had asked my neighbour if Bernstein could potentially be bi-sexual, and she was like, "honey, far as I know, Felicia was the only woman he had sex with. All his affairs are with men. How bi can that be?" She was like to be bi-sexual, you have affairs with both genders. But when you only have one woman, and the rest are men, call it a  conscious decision. 

 

 

 

 

[single42]

 

[doncoin]

 

Some people are so kay poh.

[Guest Judge Not]

 

On 1/9/2024 at 2:05 AM, doncoin said:

 

Some people are so kay poh.

This video brought tears to my eyes unexpectedly. Probably because of my past experience. But that was so long ago. I suppose the pain never really went away.

 

A tough choice. Either way, both parties will suffer much especially when they already had kids.

 

I could imagine the terrible hurt and pain for both parties and the kids when the beans were spilled.

[Guest Guest]

Want to eat out must also know how to clean your mouth.

To be frank, alot of men are not a good liar. Whenever they tried to lie, always pecah lobang! 

Of course, there are also some expert out there who keep mistress but never get caught. 

[Guest Tomato]

What do you think if such a scenario takes place in Singapore?

Do you think fellow Singaporeans would choose to mind their own business or advise him to come clean?

There will be a difference in how responses would be based on cultural differences.

 

[MikeC]

On 1/7/2024 at 12:17 PM, Guest Guest said:

Very sad situation in China where millions of gay men are forced to marry heterosexual woman and having to live double life. If under family/social pressure, gay man should marry gay woman and both can cover for each other. Also they can be best friends as long as both parties are clear. Would this kind of situation work?

 

 

 

.

Edited April 17 by MikeC

[Guest Worth]

On 1/5/2024 at 3:58 PM, GachiMuchi said:

Last year, one of my married friend finally settled his case with his ex-wife who caught him having an affair with a gay boyfriend.

It was a bad divorce, the wife got half the money from the proceed of his house and almost much of his other half of his proceed from the sale for other payments and he still has to pay alimonies.

He told me that his wife had instigated his children not to get in touch with him.

When he told me about his failed marriage, I can sense much hate for his ex-wife.

He is lucky to have his current bf that had been with him for many years, they even have a company together.

 

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

 

This kind of divorce worth a discussion here ?? 

Is almost like my mum go market, buy veg bargain w the seller equivalent..... dont know what is worth discussing leh 

If your friend had sex w a gay and ended up the wife accepted it, the gay moved in w them pls quickly share w us, it is really something unusual worth our time talking abt it, discussing, bitch abt it , gossips etc 

 

 

[blueduck]

dude, I know some of my school friends whose I thought straight, and I found them on grinder and hornet showing their butt looking for tops. but they still deciding to get married. I just laugh in my mind, what he will do with his wife knowing he is bot.

[cutejack]

On 3/12/2024 at 3:53 PM, blueduck said:

dude, I know some of my school friends whose I thought straight, and I found them on grinder and hornet showing their butt looking for tops. but they still deciding to get married. I just laugh in my mind, what he will do with his wife knowing he is bot.

Top to females n bot to males. A hot young guy told me this. He can fuck girls with his big thick juicy cock but he die2 want me to fuck him.

Edited March 13 by cutejack

[blueduck]

20 minutes ago, cutejack said:

Top to females n bot to males. A hot young guy told me this. He can fuck girls with his big thick juicy cock but he die2 want me to fuck him.

if he is not gay pretending to be straight for his Wife, for me you are in luck. I don't mind being a wing man for my best friend, protecting him from bitches out there. 

[Guest Guest]

On 3/12/2024 at 12:29 PM, Guest Worth said:

 

This kind of divorce worth a discussion here ?? 

Is almost like my mum go market, buy veg bargain w the seller equivalent..... dont know what is worth discussing leh 

If your friend had sex w a gay and ended up the wife accepted it, the gay moved in w them pls quickly share w us, it is really something unusual worth our time talking abt it, discussing, bitch abt it , gossips etc 

 

 

 

Yeah lor! Exactly! 

[FattChoy]

On 1/5/2024 at 3:58 PM, GachiMuchi said:

I wonder how many married gays had been found out for having gay affair and had a bad divorce and how you overcome it?

 

Human beings, like 99.999% of the animal world, are not monogamous by nature.  Marriage is a ridiculous concept pushed by modern laws and a lot of religions.  If you are in a gay marriage, you and your partner are not only idiots, you guys are liars and hypocrites too.  

 

#cancel_marriage

 

 

 

[Guest Guest]

41 minutes ago, FattChoy said:

 

Human beings, like 99.999% of the animal world, are not monogamous by nature.  Marriage is a ridiculous concept pushed by modern laws and a lot of religions.  If you are in a gay marriage, you and your partner are not only idiots, you guys are liars and hypocrites too.  

 

#cancel_marriage

 

 

 

 

#FattChoy_needs_help  

[singalion]

On 3/12/2024 at 3:53 PM, blueduck said:

dude, I know some of my school friends whose I thought straight, and I found them on grinder and hornet showing their butt looking for tops. but they still deciding to get married. I just laugh in my mind, what he will do with his wife knowing he is bot.

 

I know what she will do:

Maybe like that "straight" chap who always asks me on the apps every second week if I want to join in to fun with his wife while she is commanding her hubby in a denigrating manner to play with me, or better to say, me torturing him and "dehumanising" him in front of his wife... on her commands.

 

Despite declining their "invitations", they always come back again asking the same plot.

 

 

Still: any gays out there nowadays, think twice to marry. In fact, if you are gay, better not to marry.

 

 

[singalion]

3 hours ago, FattChoy said:

 

Human beings, like 99.999% of the animal world, are not monogamous by nature.  Marriage is a ridiculous concept pushed by modern laws and a lot of religions.  If you are in a gay marriage, you and your partner are not only idiots, you guys are liars and hypocrites too.  

 

#cancel_marriage

 

 

 

 

Hm:

 

Scientists now estimate that only about three to five percent of the approximately 4,000⁺ mammal species on Earth practice any form of monogamy.

https://new.nsf.gov/news/animal-attraction-many-forms-monogamy-animal

 

I don't think marriage is ridiculous. it gives some stability to life. For women often financial advantages.

It is all something about trusting and knowing the other but not exclusively to trust on not having sex escapades...

For kids it is often also much better to grow up within a marriage. Less worries, less financial constraints or fears etc etc.

 

Same goes for gay marriage: Why should they be idiots, liars and hypocrites?

You stress too much on "monogamous".

Do you really think all couples are just bonded only to be monogamous?

Gay partners also have arrangements or do joint fun in threesomes or groups. Or they have an arrangement that outside sex is allowed.

 

I guess you take the sexual part or monogamous requirement a bit too fundamental.

 

Modern married couples can arrange when it comes to sex. Just look how many women accept their husband to stray around nowadays. Others do venture into joint fun with other partners etc etc.  And this does not just apply to Western societies. In Asia it is not much different...

Take a look below the veil of marriage...

if you got close married female friends, how often do you nowadays here from them that they are happy for their husband not asking them for sex any longer... etc etc

 

Guess that stone age period is sort of past.

 

Edited March 13 by singalion

[Aniki]

Bad divorces happen with straight couple too. 

My friend just ended his 20 year marriage as he had an affair with another female colleague. Wife found out about when he was spending too much time at work and confronted him. He decided that it was just better to end it. 

But wife was not willing to let go and ended up dragging for another year which was just bad for both of them. Finally ended in a bitter divorce with her taking full custody of the kids. 

In the end, he didn't end up with the female colleague either. 

But str8, bi or gay, there may be a price to pay for CCA activities, so just be prepared if anything happens and take it responsibly.