Cheating Boyfriend / Lover + Why Cheat when In a Relationship? (Compiled)

[thaiboyz]

This type of people is so common and is everywhere. I dun see anything wrong as this is his life style and choice.

There is no rights or wrong, and its a mutual fun anyway. So why bother ? :smokin:

[Guest Guest2Guest]

There are so many names given to label people but what do u call this type?

Someone who is attached & still seek sex in toilet, gym, chat... & maybe has a handful of sex buddies. Poor bf may or may not know about those affairs. He complained about his bf and he even has sex with guys who he knew they are attached.

What do we call this type of person ?

And what do you call yourself? :whistle: It would be interesting to know how can I address you before we address others.

Really, I respect your observation and thus this post. However, don't let a superficial observation becomes a bad label.

[Guest guest]

And what do you call yourself? :whistle: It would be interesting to know how can I address you before we address others.

Really, I respect your observation and thus this post. However, don't let a superficial observation becomes a bad label.

This type of person is call "normal". Are you not normal? Its 2009!

[Mandrake]

This type of person is call "normal". Are you not normal? Its 2009!

I would love to disagree that, that type of person is normal... but if the majority of the people are like that,

how can I disagree.

Normal doesn't mean that it's acceptable by all standards. Don't we all want to be special. =)

Be glad that there are lots of these normal people which make you the special one, Shine!!

I can understand that type of person's behavior (greed and lust, which I have too)...

but I cannot agree when lying is involved.

Why cheat when you can have an open relationship?

Why deny those who wants a monogamous relationship and cheat them of their ideals. It's like if you just want basic education, why be a jinx for those pursuing a phd.

Lying this way is definitely wrong. It is void of Honor. Period.

Edited July 13, 2009 by Mandrake

[night listener]

i believe he's called a cheating bf

[Guest -nudist-]

SLUT

[harylok]

Generally, you can label this kind of person as "One-Kind" .......else bluntly say "Kena-Sai" :

[Guest mexxace]

The postings on this topic reminds me of the postings by a nathan lee somewhere. Is he here? Is this going to invite him to participate?

[Guest anti-label]

Why do we still insist of giving people labels? Have we not, as gay people, been labelled enough already? Geez...

[Guest split personality]

The postings on this topic reminds me of the postings by a nathan lee somewhere. Is he here? Is this going to invite him to participate?

Why are you talking about yourself, aren't you nathan_lee?

[Guest guest]

If he still love his bf, and he like to do that

he is call a SEX ADDICT/FETISH

[Guest Get real]

OH PLEASE! who are u to control ur partner? it's their own life and its their every right to do what they want. u DO NOT OWN your partner! no one owes u a living! he is not your slave lah! be real come on!

[alvin_walensa]

Hmmmm.... I did it in the past, and probably will do it again in the future ha ha ha neighbours grass always look more "sedap"licious

[Guest hstnasia]

WHORE?

Edited July 10, 2009 by hstnasia

[oralb]

"Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone"

[Guest amused]

I call them 'cheap sluts"!!

[inmyeyes]

Promiscuous.

[Guest Amgel]

There are so many names given to label people but what do u call this type?

Someone who is attached & still seek sex in toilet, gym, chat... & maybe has a handful of sex buddies. Poor bf may or may not know about those affairs. He complained about his bf and he even has sex with guys who he knew they are attached.

What do we call this type of person ?

The mighty slut

[snowball]

some people will say cheating is no right or wrong cos attached does not mean that you OWN your partner etc, well i think no matter what your partner did, best is don't put any label on them, lover is chosen by you, if he make you heartbreak, if he betray you, if you hurt deeply, so what the point keep holding the relationship when there is no trust there?

if you know you can't change him, why not set him & yourself free else keep giving him chances till he touch. unless you don't mind your lover share by others, sleep with others, get fxxk by others or fxxk others, then open relationship, if you can have this type of relationship, let it be but kindly don't say that is Gay life, don't use self example & thought everyone just same, most people does not mean all, & most people doing does not mean is right & the rest need to follow.

change yourself to suit your boyfriend or leave him & never look back, true love don't come easy, most people don't even get to have a real love & find a true lover in their life time. as long they happy about current type of love, good for them, if not, when love turn ugly, even can't make love again but at least make peace & let go with blessing.

Edited July 12, 2009 by snowball

[Guest guest]

WHORE?

There is difference between top and btm.

Btm is Whore

Top is Stud

why? Not fair right?

[Guest Confucis]

some people will say cheating is no right or wrong cos attached does not mean that you OWN your partner etc, well i think no matter what your partner did, best is don't put any label on them, lover is chosen by you, if he make you heartbreak, if he betray you, if you hurt deeply, so what the point keep holding the relationship when there is no trust there?

if you know you can't change him, why not set him & yourself free else keep giving him chances till he touch. unless you don't mind your lover share by others, sleep with others, get fxxk by others or fxxk others, then open relationship, if you can have this type of relationship, let it be but kindly don't say that is Gay life, don't use self example & thought everyone just same, most people does not mean all, & most people doing does not mean is right & the rest need to follow.

change yourself to suit your boyfriend or leave him & never look back, true love don't come easy, most people don't even get to have a real love & find a true lover in their life time. as long they happy about current type of love, good for them, if not, when love turn ugly, even can't make love again but at least make peace & let go with blessing.

I always, want to play do not have bf, want to have bf, don't play.

If you found out your bf cheating on u, leave him.

Do not cheat and try to get even.

B good to yourself

[snowball]

好聚好散, 就算无法重修旧好, 无法再结为朋友, 莫为敌人

[Guest chubmature]

I like that guy in your profile pic. I believe he is a china/HK actor. What's his name?

[Guest chubmature]

Nevermind, I answer my own question.

He is 尤勇. Here are some pix

http://www.zjol.com.cn/pic/0/02/40/66/2406627_866354.jpg

http://i0.sinaimg.cn/ent/s/p/2008-08-04/U3...80804165019.jpg

http://pic.cnmdb.com/ent/2007/05/16/025350_1028907_535.jpg

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=htt...%3D100%26um%3D1

http://i0.sinaimg.cn/ent/v/m/2009-05-25/12...7985_ILuRIG.jpg

[Guest Mirror Effect]

I had been with my bf for 4 years, discovered he cheated outside few times b4. He said he got sexual desired but he won't do it again. But times again I had to find out he been doing it, until I had to close 1 eye to it. But nowadays we rarely have sex together. He doesn't seem to be interested in sex with me anymore, not even touch me. Asked him b4 and he said he low sex drive. Low sex drive but I know he's still seeking to meet guys outside for fun. It got me frustrated that I also went out to play in return. I felt bad after that at first but knowing that he is doing that to me I will also do the same. And since he doesn't wanna have sex with me I will find someone else to have sex with of cos. I know he will not want me to play outside as we are not open, but he himself has been doing it. Dunno if he is aware that I play outside maybe he suspected, but well he is no different. Whenever I learn that he is cheating again I feel very lousy. And I cheat too. Sometimes I wonder if this relationship is really worth it and meaningful anymore. May not just be about the lack of sex between us but why cheat and pretend everything is fine? I know he is cheating and now I will close my eyes to it, but if he knows then I can only tell him I will cheat too then. Am I right?

[Guest slayer]

Can't you both sit down and talk about it? Try an open arrangement? It is very obvious the both of you lack the ability to communicate and this will only lead to no good in the end. I am surprised you have lasted for so long without the lines of communication open.

[Guest Mirror Effect]

Can't you both sit down and talk about it? Try an open arrangement? It is very obvious the both of you lack the ability to communicate and this will only lead to no good in the end. I am surprised you have lasted for so long without the lines of communication open.

Talked b4, confronted him last time and he said will not happen again. And agreed we will not go open. I know he is still doing it but I love him and hope not to end. I also have my desires but he doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. Instead, he finds other guys so what about me?

[gaygaysin]

open relationship is juz a term. although he doesn want to get into it but he is doing it so no need for both of u to sit down n talk whether there is a NEED to open. felt its common tat both party get bored in sex/life after certain period n look 4 exciting moment behind each other but the condition is love still there(at least a feel/action of caring). but i dun understand how love can remain n develop in ur relationship when he not even wanted to touch u. not talking about huging + kissing u.

i think most importantly u have to find out whether he still in love with u......then u can decide wat to do next......

[oralb]

welcome to OB's simplistic solution again...

solely based on what you wrote, he is either a cheater or sex addict (on the latter, should seek shrink help)

Assumed he is cheater, choose your own adventure. Can you live with his cheating behavior (be it open relation and secretly)?

1. No - Leave, save yourself the constant heartbreaks

2. Yes - Close one eye, in fact close both eyes

Just remembered, an eye for an eye will leave both blind, don't have sex with others just to hit back at him (i felt bad for your sex partners)

[snowball]

well, this maybe what most people like to say, LOVE IS BLIND, if you think you not blind, then you should know what path to go, you are adult, should know what type of life make you happy, if you tire of his cheating ( but now you too ) then should you think carefully what next? is it Love is all about lies & betray?

i always find that is evil to ask someone to break off or say something bad about the other party lover, cos we don't know your bf at all, you the one should balance it & think is it worth keeping this relationship & keep him company, you truely happy yourself? do you feel pain & lonely?

Edited September 24, 2009 by snowball

[Baloo]

this is the ongoing and continuous cycle of any relationship...

you first have convergence... and everything you do you find common likings...

as time goes by, your lives start to diverge, and common space shrinks...

and finally at some point in the future... full divergence... 2 separate bubbles again... floating to find another convergence ...

it's the circle(s) of plu life... accept it. My favourite food used to be corn soup. still like it. but it's no longer my favourite... get it?

watch more QAF...

Edited September 24, 2009 by Baloo

[castaway]

There are many people still misunderstanding between LOVE and Likeness/Convenience/Attraction.

@Mirroe Effect :

One day, if your partner finds his "xxx" then I am sure he will say goodbye to you. Be aware of it.

I really dont know how to call what your relationship is.

[loveedovee]

I sympathise with you TS. A few things came onto my mind while I was reading the various replies and here's my few cents worth.

If he is looking for sex outside, there must be something that he is not getting it from you, maybe you can ask him how to spice up your sex life again. Maybe he has a fetish that he is shy to share it with you.

I do not understand how love can be there when he cheats on you after saying that he won't do it anymore. That is not love at all (to me at least).

and maybe he is only with you because of emotional support. To that I think you should just be best buds with him, so that you won't be heartbroken when he sleeps around, and he.. well, he will be on his merry way playing around.

TS, I think you should be objective about the whole situation; weigh out the consequences for you and him as well (if you love him). Sometimes it's better to let go than be unhappy. And don't go around closing both eyes; you are bound to hit a wall.

[davecub]

Prior to this, how often did you guys make love? Was it enjoyable and satisfying for him (and you)?

When you talked to your bf about his behavior, did you ask him his reason? If no, I suggest you ask him.

Are you guys living together? I have a feeling that you guys hardly spend time together. Am I right? Communication is a key factor in any relationship, so building up good communication relationship with your bf is essential.

People's need (including sexual need) changes as time goes by, so we have to communicate to find out. A friend of mine had a similar experience but was resolved after a good talk. Guess what, now they are sexually active again and role-playing to fulfill each other fantasies.

[Guest Engineer]

I like the way our thread starter picked such a username 'Mirror Effect' to reflect his thoughts. Indeed, deep within you, you have a conscience. Albeit the unpleasantness, you strive to seek a balance to harmonise the situation. It only shows that you still want the relationship to work. Yet, in your courage, you admit frailty in your character. This, I applaud you!

Perfection prevails in every imperfections. A long term relationship DOES NOT revolve around sex. Go beyond that paradigm; seek the one-ness that holds the two of you together.

Talked b4, confronted him last time and he said will not happen again. And agreed we will not go open. I know he is still doing it but I love him and hope not to end. I also have my desires but he doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. Instead, he finds other guys so what about me?

Nobody likes to be confronted. It will only raise his defence, and more likely, to lie further. Effective communication is when all emotions are laid on the table. It is more of a talk to understand and ultimately to choose [or reject] any internal or external conditions. Acceptance, and not a quick finger pointing, is crucial.

It is unfortunate that your relationship has come to this stage BUT that does not mean it isn't working. That does not mean love has walked out of the door.

In mirror reflecting, focus on what the two of you want. Leave the how-to aside. Victimization [the what-about-me] usually infuriates matters. When a want is established, everything else just follows. It is good to have an open mind and an open heart. The truth can hurt - it usually does, but when the two of you are clear headed with the common want [the one-ness], a path is set. This is when the how-to can be communicated to establish for new meanings.

Have faith, and be honest, in what you are truly seeking, Mirror Effect. I am wishing you the best.

[Guest Mirror Effect]

We stay together in fact. he still loves me i think he cooks and buy things for me. but there is no more physical connection. few times i tried to initiate but he just don't seem interested. but why he still seeks fun outside and tell me we will not be open? assuming i will be happy as long i don't know? do it matter to him how i will feel when he's enjoying his thrill?

[snowball]

Mirror Effect, i should say that your boyfriend is " normal ", cos he just like most people ( striaght, bi or gay ), i am not saying that what most people do is RIGHT.

you think he still Love you, but sorry to ask, why you think & not confirm?

is nice to know he still cook & care for you, at least he still show some real action that you still important to him ( beside the sex part ), ask yourself, can you really close one or both eye(s) to let him flirt outside? you know yourself deep in heart you cant pretnd you don't know at all, so how you balanced it?

you need to fight real had within before you can decide, maybe you still want to see his change & give him more time? if you can allow him to stray outside & you allow yourside too, i think both of you maybe should still can go on, good luck & yes i do agree, open to him again & see what both really want in relationship, if you know he's still lying & you can't bear to let him go, then you just have to adjust yourself to cope with his life style

[weasley]

Hi Mirror-Effect, I can emphathize with you, having been through this myself. Besides the 'non-existent' physical contact, do you guys do things together (not with anyone else), e.g., travel? Does your conservation with him involve anything that is 'both of you' in the future?

Relationships exist in different forms - each couple defines and shapes the form that suits them. Try the 80-20 rule - if you are happy 80% of the time, then perhaps you should stay; otherwise, well, things should change -- you decide for yourself.

[Guest justme]

good for both of u, wish both of u get STDs, i still dun understand why people go to sauna and engage in sex without knowing each other, the danger of getting STD is real.

[Guest Blue Sky]

Anyone had experience that he found his boy friend cheated him and had an affair with a stranger ?

How to cope and get over with it while still keeping the relationship ?

[Guest slinkYcaT]

You know what they say about revenge is a dish best served cold?? Don't get mad - get even. Get youself a to-die-for boytoy and start your own little affair and see how your bf cope. Karma's a bitch - that's what he should get for hurting you.

But seriously unless you are the 1) needy clingy type 2) the boyfriends are forever type 3) forgive and forget type , you should cut your losses, reduce your heartbreak. Ditch the Bitch and move on. You're better off alone than be with a dead-beat, cheating jerk of a boyfriend.

Even if the affair ends, then what? You will forever be paranoid thinking is he kissing some random stranger-guy behind your back? Did he just had a hot sex with someone else when he calls that he gonna be one hour late for your dinner date?

It's jux not worth it. A leopard is a leopard is a leopard. It seldom changes its spot. Worst, it might jux get brazen - shed its spots, change identity to that of a Tiger. From a total stranger, he could jolly well graduate and conduct a torrid affair with your colleague or BFF or even worse - *gasp* - your brother. Now, that would be pure tragedy...

[Guest Funnie]

You know what they say about revenge is a dish best served cold?? Don't get mad - get even. Get youself a to-die-for boytoy and start your own little affair and see how your bf cope. Karma's a bitch - that's what he should get for hurting you.

But seriously unless you are the 1) needy clingy type 2) the boyfriends are forever type 3) forgive and forget type , you should cut your losses, reduce your heartbreak. Ditch the Bitch and move on. You're better off alone than be with a dead-beat, cheating jerk of a boyfriend.

Even if the affair ends, then what? You will forever be paranoid thinking is he kissing some random stranger-guy behind your back? Did he just had a hot sex with someone else when he calls that he gonna be one hour late for your dinner date?

It's jux not worth it. A leopard is a leopard is a leopard. It seldom changes its spot. Worst, it might jux get brazen - shed its spots, change identity to that of a Tiger. From a total stranger, he could jolly well graduate and conduct a torrid affair with your colleague or BFF or even worse - *gasp* - your brother. Now, that would be pure tragedy...

Funny

[doncoin]

Anyone had experience that he found his boy friend cheated him and had an affair with a stranger ?

How to cope and get over with it while still keeping the relationship ?

I think it is managing expectations and up to you to feel and think if the relationship is worth keeping after the event.

If you think you can move past the betrayal of trust, then work through it. If not, end it. Working through it is going to take time, will not happen over night. Also, you need to be realistic with your expectations. Once a cheater, always a cheater. The only thing you have is that whatever feeling you have for each other will support and hold you through the challenging times.

An affair is an affair. It does not mean he love you less. He just had an itch.

[Guest slinkYcaT]

I think it is managing expectations and up to you to feel and think if the relationship is worth keeping after the event.

If you think you can move past the betrayal of trust, then work through it. If not, end it. Working through it is going to take time, will not happen over night. Also, you need to be realistic with your expectations. Once a cheater, always a cheater. The only thing you have is that whatever feeling you have for each other will support and hold you through the challenging times.

An affair is an affair. It does not mean he love you less. He just had an itch.

In other words, he's just a PRICK. With a wandering dick.

[Guest smittenkitten]

In other words, he's just a PRICK. With a wandering dick.

slinkYcaT - been reading some of your posts here in this BW forum. No pun intended, but some of your catty witty comments are pretty hilarious - make me smile somewhat. Consider me smittened.

[Guest Advisors]

I know it is common to cheat in a straight/bi/gay relationship. But how far would you tolerate the cheating?

I found out that my partner lied to me. He told me he was away for a biz trip but went holiday with his close friends instead. I overheard this (w/o his knowledge) during their conversation. I did not probe further as I thought this is an exclusive case.

10 months down the road, he lied to me that he is away for a biz trip. Instead, he went holiday with this new gay friend. I saw the itinerary by accident.

I can tolerate him having fun outside, which I knew he did. But lying about biz trip seems to be too much for me to accept. Am I stupid to think this way since I consider having fun outside as norm? Do you think you wife/ partner should tolerate such actions?

[Guest slinkYcaT]

I know it is common to cheat in a straight/bi/gay relationship. But how far would you tolerate the cheating?

I found out that my partner lied to me. He told me he was away for a biz trip but went holiday with his close friends instead. I overheard this (w/o his knowledge) during their conversation. I did not probe further as I thought this is an exclusive case.

10 months down the road, he lied to me that he is away for a biz trip. Instead, he went holiday with this new gay friend. I saw the itinerary by accident.

I can tolerate him having fun outside, which I knew he did. But lying about biz trip seems to be too much for me to accept. Am I stupid to think this way since I consider having fun outside as norm? Do you think you wife/ partner should tolerate such actions?

I think your rationale about the whole thing is so warped, it's kinda hard to comprehend. You are okay with him having fun outside locally, but once his dalliance involves a further geographical location, you get all heebies jeebies? What kind of rationale is that?

The way i see it, by tolerating his cheating ways, you are actually encouraging him to be more brazen in his dalliance. Coz now, he even went on an overseas romantic rendezvous - and he had the itinerary to prove it!

Are you a man or a mouse? And unless you don't mind to be treated as a doormat, i suggest you seriously do a relationship overhaul and walk away. A relationship that is based on lies and cheat will never last.

xoxo.

[loveedovee]

i think it's the magnitude of the lie is what is bothering TS.

Cos having fun outside usually involves a short duration so the lies fabricated will not be that hurtful, but for a biz trip, I guess the lies has to be more convincing (plane ride, itinerary, hotels, etc.). So once TS found out, the hurt hits right at the heart.

TS, don't do this to yourself. You have taken 'having fun outside' as the baseline and that is not acceptable.

[Guest Guest]

100% ur bf had sex w that gay guy. 2 guys in a room..what can happen?

[Guest guest*]

I think your rationale about the whole thing is so warped, it's kinda hard to comprehend. You are okay with him having fun outside locally, but once his dalliance involves a further geographical location, you get all heebies jeebies? What kind of rationale is that?

The way i see it, by tolerating his cheating ways, you are actually encouraging him to be more brazen in his dalliance. Coz now, he even went on an overseas romantic rendezvous - and he had the itinerary to prove it!

Are you a man or a mouse? And unless you don't mind to be treated as a doormat, i suggest you seriously do a relationship overhaul and walk away. A relationship that is based on lies and cheat will never last.

xoxo.

I think slinkYcat is right. You sound like some battered housewife trapped in an emotional abusive relationship. I pity you, but i can't support that. Where is your self-worth?? Why are you still putting up with all these nonsense?? Are you that weak that you can't stand on your two feet??

You can either be a victor or remain a victim. Your choice.