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I really, really want to know this guy I just met, but I’m clueless how to approach him after our first meet.

 

Never thought that I would be attracted to anyone and I’ve only been in relationships where we hit off and ruined it for each other, so I’m pretty much lost.

 

I don’t want to come across as lusty, nor uninterested as well yet, I don’t want to not have my feelings not known.

 

Also, all these unrequited feelings, where do people store them? How do you breathe when you have such a heavy weight in your chest? Will you get used to it or do you just learn to ignore it?

I don't know anymore.

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My Confession

 

I guess, sometimes all we need is just... a human touch. 

I keep telling myself that Person J is just a MB.

To make it worst, he's from another country.

And as MB, we all know that they're here to make some money, NSA, and none of that romance shit. 

 

But, after the end of his service to me, I asked if I could cuddle him (we were just lying down on the bed).

He said "sure why not".

That 5-mins of cuddle was so emotional and comfortable, I wished it lasted longer. 

J texted me the day after, saying he missed my cuddle and even persuaded me to overnight in his hotel

so that we could spend more time cuddling. 

 

Exchanged a few text messages few days after, up till now (today). 

 

You know, it's a mistake to keep falling for these kind of people (no offence to them).

I wouldn't say I have fall for J, but again, it's that cuddle, that touch that I missed.

And by touch, I'm not talking about pure sex.

 

So what's with this yearn... for that romantic physical touch?

Hmm... 

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22780386_1687603111277472_45207743748553

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善待对人。麻烦用英文来表达信息。不是每个人都会看的懂中文 “People need to learn the art of making an argument. Often there is no

right or wrong. It's just your opinion vs someone else's opinion. How you deliver that opinion could make the difference between opening a mind,

changing an opinion or shutting the door. Sometimes folk just don't know when they've "argued" enough. Learn when to shut up."

― J'son M. Lee 

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He actually gets lonely, but he be too anxious to befriend anyone. 

He actually feels empty, but he be filling the void with 'em candies & potions to retain some sanity. 

He actually gazes at the ceiling on nights like this & secretly wishes to shuffle off this mortal coil in his slumber.

He actually yearns normality, but he's bridled by reality. 

He actually hides misery behind his eccentricity. 

For these flaws I lament.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

47078564_2254981024783409_46430368702115

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善待对人。麻烦用英文来表达信息。不是每个人都会看的懂中文 “People need to learn the art of making an argument. Often there is no

right or wrong. It's just your opinion vs someone else's opinion. How you deliver that opinion could make the difference between opening a mind,

changing an opinion or shutting the door. Sometimes folk just don't know when they've "argued" enough. Learn when to shut up."

― J'son M. Lee 

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People like us, we are afraid.

 

We know how rejection feels and after each rejection we tell ourselves that we will be stronger the next time and not feel so upset about it. But strangely, it never works. Every time someone throws an excuse at us to leave, it seems to hurt just as much as the last time. I thought people could get used to pain.

 

We always try harder, we always understand that we don't have objectively good standards to attract other people, hence we make it up somehow. Maybe a better laugh, a bigger personality, or a nicer heart.

 

So the next time you want to approach us, please be careful. We don't get the next chance as readily as you; every new person we know is always hopeful because it's so rare, and every rejection we face is always so painful because we know that you will and can easily go out to find somebody else to be with, and no matter how we hard we try and will for things to happen, even the slightest smile is a shimmer of hope for us.

 

And hope is a scary thing.

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  • 4 weeks later...

When I was young, I attended more birthday parties than anything else.

When I grew up, I attended more weddings than anything else.

When I matured, I attended more funerals than anything else.

 

Such is Life, for everyday can be a good or bad day for anyone, regardless of any occasion.  Choose to focus on the bright side and life can only gets better.

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5 hours ago, thorzguy said:

When I was young, I attended more birthday parties than anything else.

When I grew up, I attended more weddings than anything else.

When I matured, I attended more funerals than anything else.

 

Such is Life, for everyday can be a good or bad day for anyone, regardless of any occasion.  Choose to focus on the bright side and life can only gets better.

I feel you. We are passing different stages of life. Sadly, we are at the stage where we meet our old friends when we attend someone else’s wake. 

So, if you have an old friend that you have not met for a while, pick up the phone and ask him out for a meal or chitchat. Cherish the moment. 

 

Having said that, we need to have a coffee season too. Haha 

 

Edited by bluerunner
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Enjoyed myself at most clubbing events, but going to Altimate (One Altitude) was different this time. My new team at work is largely LGBT and they talk about it openly, plus they go to gay bars and events often.

 

The only problem is I'm not out to them. And I don't ever want to meet them at a gay club or event.

 

At the workplace, I'm seen as a serious, down-to-earth middle aged man with typical old school black frame glasses, short combed back hair and always in a baggy shirt with regular fit pants. And also decent shoes and long socks. My team only sees me as someone who will eventually end up marrying someone because I would eventually just get on with the course of life (for straight people). I also frown on my team drinking alcohol from 5pm on Fridays, and always recommend drinking tea. I roll my eyes when my colleagues start dancing after some rounds of alcohol.

 

At the club, I wear a tight tank top, shorts revealing 75% of my thigh, ankle socks with sneakers and I put on a cap which I turn it backwards. And I don't wear my spectacles much too. And either a jock strap or half length underwear. I guzzle down lots of rum, gin, vodka etc. Whichever makes me high and want to dance and gyrate, and sometimes let some guys pull down my shorts slightly to feel my butt through my briefs. Sometimes also hugging those guys who have gone topless on the dance floor. Maybe the only saving grace is that I have never got my tank top ripped off in Singapore. Probably only got it ripped off when I was in the US, since the guys there are more daring.

 

And on Monday I'm yet this no nonsense nerd whom everyone is afraid to get comfy with. If my team ever finds out about me, I don't know how much of a shock impact they can take.

 

I lead a double life. Exactly the #repressednerd that I am. :lol:

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1 hour ago, repressednerd said:

I lead a double life. 

I so feel the same with this statement.

 

When I was serving the NS, I was downgraded due to injuries and thus able to booked out daily. While in camp, I was the serious, no nonsense logistics IC, wore glasses, non smoker and so called the obedient soldier. Friday and Saturday nights - I was a totally different person. Will be at Mohd Sultan to drink and smoke like no tomorrow. Comes Monday and the obedient soldier returns. Then I stopped clubbing after NS. Just stopped. 

 

Fast forward when I stepped into the work society - I would be partying every weekend at Clarke Quay - all the straight bars while weekdays night could be spent at my ex place - fucking him. None of my ex colleagues or friends would have guessed of anything. When I partied at Clark Quay, girls came flirting and I played along. Then I just stopped clubbing, again. 

When I went back to the clubs, this time was at Neil Road. All the gay bars now. Again, I was the goody, serious staff at work yet comes every weekend, I would be drinking and smoking like mad. By then I had started to practice more on my religion yet I would be partying like no tomorrow. Some of my friends whom I came out to were like - why are you such a different person? Like an ON/OFF switch. And nobody in my family knew that I smoked through out those years, though am mostly a social smoker, who behaved more like a chain smoker... somehow I managed it so well that even my Mom who have very sensitive nose did not detect anything... 

 

Sometimes I feel so weird about myself too! :blink:

 

And... I stopped clubbing. This time probably for good. Age is catching up. Haha...

Edited by thorzguy
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You came to this world alone.

 

Family is the beginning and along the way, friends, colleagues, spouse, children, pets - joined in.

As time passes, some of them will leave you and vice versa, be it naturally or by choice.

Eventually, when you "completed" your mission, it will be time for you to leave.

 

Leave well, end well. For everything is beyond you.

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Met a new guy at a friends' gathering. Looks like your typical 40 plus guy, spectacles, cap and simple shirt and shorts. Not skinny, fat or muscular, just normal build. But he has a deep and assertive voice (still sounds assertive even if he wasn't assertive) that keeps ringing M-A-N in my head. Didn't realise that voice depth is enough to override everything.

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9 hours ago, repressednerd said:

Met a new guy at a friends' gathering. Looks like your typical 40 plus guy, spectacles, cap and simple shirt and shorts. Not skinny, fat or muscular, just normal build. But he has a deep and assertive voice (still sounds assertive even if he wasn't assertive) that keeps ringing M-A-N in my head. Didn't realise that voice depth is enough to override everything.

Yes , guys with mellow voice draws attention too.

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52047685_2111609868922303_10266725300788

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

善待对人。麻烦用英文来表达信息。不是每个人都会看的懂中文 “People need to learn the art of making an argument. Often there is no

right or wrong. It's just your opinion vs someone else's opinion. How you deliver that opinion could make the difference between opening a mind,

changing an opinion or shutting the door. Sometimes folk just don't know when they've "argued" enough. Learn when to shut up."

― J'son M. Lee 

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Recently I had a dream, I dreamt of a guy I’ve never seen before IRL. Local Chinese, young, looked like an NSF, short hair and specs, fit/sporty looking, stocky build, wearing an SAF formation singlet or something similar. When the dream began he was standing facing my direction but looking somewhere else in the distance, then his eyes shifted as though he just saw me and then he was gazing directly at me. No other action too place, but the me inside the dream suddenly received some kind of unspoken message or realisation. It was as if I was being told that there is a guy out there somewhere – this guy I saw the dream – who is looking for someone just like me (or to put it another way, I am the kind of person that this guy is looking for in a BF). And the thing is, he also seemed like the kind of guy who would interest me. 

 

I only wish it wasn’t just a dream. 

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