crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:(About golf) "I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play."~ Joe Louis (1914-1981), (Joe Louis Barrow) U.S. boxer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"My best golf score is 103, but I've only been playing for 15 years."~ Alex Karras (1935-) U.S. football player and actor Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"I don't care what anybody says. The first tournament is not the hardest one to win. It's always the second one."~ John Daly (1966-) U.S. golfer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"Golf is an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease."~ B.C. Forbes (1880-1954), Scottish journalist Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Golf Jokes: Golfing With PreacherFred had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his preacher. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives. The preacher felt obliged to respond. "I have observed," said he in a calm voice, "that the best golfers do not use foul language." "I guess not, said Fred, "what the hell do they have to cuss about?" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Golf Jokes: Physical Therapist A couple of women was playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly."Ummph, oooh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes, "he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside.After a short massage she asked him, "How does that feel?" To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"Give up this fool's game. Golf doesn't give a man what he needs to feed his family."~ Elias Koteas (1961-) Canadian actor Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it."~ Bobby Jones (1902-1971) U.S. golfer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Golf Jokes: I Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"Golf is the one game I know which becomes more and more difficult the longer one plays it."~ Bobby Jones (1902-1971) U.S. golfer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:"The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two."~ Bobby Jones (1902-1971) U.S. golfer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Golf Jokes: The Golf Shot...A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man - you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Golf Jokes: The Golf Shot...A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man - you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Golf Jokes: Re-runOne fine afternoon at a golf course, two men were just finishing up the front nine when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping thru the channels when they decided to watch the news. The first thing that was on was a woman about to comit suicide. The first man says, "I bet you 100 dollars that she is gonna jump." The second man, says, "OK, but I raise your 100 to 200 dollars saying she is not going to jump." About four seconds after they were done making the bet, she leapt off the building, falling 17 stories, she hit the ground with a bone crunching sound. As the loser of the bet started to get his wallet out of his back pocket the other man butted in to stop him. "Listen, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier today and I knew she was gonna jump." "So did I," the man said, I just didn't think she was dumb enough to do it again." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day:Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you? ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing.~ Dave Hill (US Pro Golfer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Corny Golf Jokes: Drowning Your SorrowsA hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf, enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted July 16, 2007 Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Jokes: Golf on Christmas ...Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted July 16, 2007 Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Jokes: The Golfer and The Funeral...A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200. As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and completed it, thus winning the game and the money. Afterwards, one of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concentration, to pay your respects." "Well," said the golfer, "we were married for 25 years." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears. ~ Bobby Jones (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:The greatest liar in the world is the golfer how claims he plays the game for merely exercise. ~ Tommy Bolt (US Golf Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it.~ Bob Allen (US politician) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Golf Jokes: Take Your 5-Wood Then there's the one about the golfer and his caddie who enjoyed a good argument, especially about what clubs to use. The caddie usually won but this day, faced with a long short hole, the golfer decided that a 3-iron would be best. "Take a 5-wood," growled the caddie. But the golfer stuck to his choice and the caddie watched gloomily as the ball sailed over the fairway, landed neatly on the green and rolled politely into the hole."You see," grinned the triumphant golfer."You would have done still better with your 5-wood," came the dogged reply. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Golf Jokes: Free Heaven...An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'It's free,' St. Peter replied, 'this is Heaven.' Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located on. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, 'What are the green fees?' St. Peter replied, 'This is heaven, you play for free.' Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the World laid out. 'How much to eat?' asked the old man. 'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?' the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, 'That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.' With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, 'This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins and exercise, I could have been here ten years ago!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 17, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.~ Dave Hill (US Pro Golfer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 17, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:Golf is a game who Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer. ~ Tommy Bolt (US Golf Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Golf Jokes: Don't You Recognise Him After coming from a long round of golf, his wife kissed him and kissed their son who came in a few moments later."Where's he been", the husband asked."He's been caddying for you all afternoon", the wife replied"No wonder he looks so familiar!" :oops: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:Golf is not and has never has been a fair game.~ Jack Nicklaus (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Golf Jokes: Not Scoring Well This Year Two long time golf enthusiasts were discussing their scores over a beer in the clubhouse. "I can't understand it", one said disgustingly. "I've been playing this darn game for fifteen years now and I get worse and worse every year. Do you know last year I played worse than the year before, and the year before that, the same thing" "That's depressing" commiserated the other, "How are you doing this year?" "Put it this way", said the first unhappily, "I'm already playing next years game!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Golf Jokes: He Really Is Good Dick brings a friend to play golf with 2 of is buddies to complete a foursome. His buddies ask him if is friend can play golf, Dick says that he is very good. This guy hits the ball on the first hole in the bush, so his buddies look at him and said you said your friend was a good golfer, Dick says yes he is watch him play. They see the ball come out of the bush on the green this guy takes 2 putts makes is par. Second hole par 3 this guy hits the ball in the lake, the 2 buddies looks at Dick again and say "you said this guy was good" Dick replies that this guy was a great player. So he walks into the lake, 3 minutes later and they can't see the guy. All of a sudden they see a hand come out of the water, they tell Dick to dive in the lake to go get your friend, he's drowning, Dick replies "No, that means he wants a 5-iron" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you've had already. ~ Byron Nelson (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:You don't know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket. ~ Lee Trevino (US Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Golf Joke: I was playing before... Let me inform you, young man," said the slow elderly golfer, "I was playing this game before you were born.""That's all very well, but'd be obliged if try to finish it die." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Golf Joke: My wife left meFred called his friend in tears."I can Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Golf Quote of the day:The harder you work, the luckier you get. ~ Gary Player (Golf Legends Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Golf Jokes: The New Club MembersFred and Harry decided to join the best golf club that money could buy. On their first lay they went into the bar for a drink before the game. They ordered two whiskies and enquired: "How much is that.'" The barman smiled. "Are you new members?" he asked. "This is your first day at the club?" "Yes," replied Fred and Harry. "Well, it's on the house." Then the two friends decided to lunch in the club lining room. It was a sumptuous repast after which Harry called the waitress over. "We'd like to settle up," he said. The waitress smiled sweetly and enquired whether they were new members. "Yes," they told her, "we are indeed." "And is this your first day at the club?" "Yes," they replied. "Then, it's on the house, Sirs." Much pleased, the two decided it was time to have a game so they walked into the pro shop to buy some balls. "Give me half a dozen," Fred ordered grandly. `How much is that?" "Are you new members, Sir? Is it your first day at the club?" "Yes, yes," smiled Fred "That will be seventy-five dollars," the Pro advised. Fred turned to Harry and whispered: "It sure ain't by the throat they got you in this club." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Golf Jokes: No Free Tee-Off TimesThe club secretary was apologetic. "I'm sorry, Sir, but we have no tee-off time open on the course today." "Now just a minute," the member rejoined. "What if I told you Prince Andrew and partner wanted a game. Could you find a starting time for them?" "Yes, of course I would." "Well, I happen to know that he's in Scotland at the moment, so we'll take his tee-off time." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Golfing Quote of the Day:May thy ball lie in green pastures -- and not in still waters.~ Author Unknown Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Golf Quote of the Day: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Golfing Quote of the Day:Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.~ John Updike (US writer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Golfing Quote of the Day:It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.~ Robert Lynd (British writer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Golf Jokes: Anything For An AceHe'd been playing for twenty years and he'd never managed it - the ultimate goal, a hole-in-one. As he was chipping away in a sandtrap one day and moving nothing but sand, he voiced the thought. "I'd give anything," he said, "anything to get a hole-in-one." "Anything?" came a voice from behind and he turned to see a grinning, red-clad figure with neatly polished horns and sharpened tail. "What did you have in mind?" the golfer enquired. "Well would you give up half your sex life.'" "Yes, Yes I would." "It's a deal then," and the figure faded discreetly from sight. On the very next hole he did it. The ball just soared from his club in a perfect arc right into the hole. And for good measure, every other hole he played that round he holed in one. As he was putting his clubs away the figure in red appeared once more. "Now for our bargain," he said. "You remember you must give up half your sex life." The golfer frowned. "That gives me a bit of a problem," he said. "You're not backing out of this," cried the figure with a swish of its tail. "We'd struck a bargain and you agreed to it." "Yes, of course. But I do have a problem. Which half of my sex life do you want - the thinking or the dreaming?" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Golf Jokes: Practice Your Putting"Doctor, we've got an emergency! My baby just swallowed my golf tees.""I'll be there at once.""But tell me what to do till you get here, doc?""Practice your putting." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 Golfing Quote of the Day: If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.~ Sam Snead (US Golf Legends Player, 1912-2002) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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