Golf Discussion 2, Golf Joke, Quote, Etc

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I am the toughest golfer mentally.

~ Tiger Woods (Current World No 1 Pro Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it.

~ Bobby Jones (US Legends Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

"For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: The Wife's Lesson

Jimmy's wife constantly nags him to teach her to play golf.

Finally, one morning he relents and he takes her to the club.

On the first hole a 179 yards par-3, he up first and says,

"Now watch me, and do the same thing."

He hits a nice shot and lands on the green 30 feet to the cup.

His wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and bounces it off a rock, clips a tree,

side swipes a second rock and rolls up onto the green and sinks it.

The husband looks at her in shock and says,

"OK, now you know how to play, let's go home."

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win.

~ Arnold Palmer (US Legends Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

When you're the only guy kind of left on the golf course, you can feel that.

~ Mike Weir (Canadian Pro Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

"Never let up. The more you can win by, the more doubts you put in the other players' minds the next time out.

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?

~ John Goodman (US Actor)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Golf & Other Sports

Unlike baseball, players don

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

When it's breezy, hit it easy.

~ Davis Love Jr. (US Pro Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

By the time you get to your ball, if you don't know what to do with it, try another sport.

~ Julius Boros (US Pro Golfer)

[Guest Guest]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I move around and play different golf courses. I just enjoy it.

~ Darrell Royal (US Football Coach)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win.

~ Arnold Palmer (US Legends Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

~ Sam Snead (US Legends Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Kicked Ball

A foursome was putting on the green when suddenly a ball dropped

in their midst.

One of the party winked at the others and kicked the ball into the hole.

Seconds later a very fat player puffed on to the green quite out of breath and

red of face. He looked round distractedly and asked: "Seen my ball?"

"Yeah, it went in the hole," the joker answered with a straight face.

The fat one looked at him unbelievingly. Then he walked to the hole, looked in, reached down and picked up his ball. His astonishment was plain to see.

Then he turned, ran down the fairway and as he neared his partner the group

on the green heard him shout: "Hey, Sam, I got an eleven!" :oops:

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base.

~ Ken Harrelson

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted.

~ Author Unknown

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

~ John Updike

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.

~ Martha Beckman

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I just picked up golf, it was good, give me a chance to play golf.

~ Abdullah A. Badawi (Malaysia PM)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.

~ Tiger Woods (Currently World No 1 Pro Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

~ Lee Trevino (US Golf Legends Player)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Bee Sting

Mac and Jimmy were playing their home course.

Mac putted out and walked back to the cart. As Jimmy sank his putt, Mac suddenly jumped out of the cart and dropped his pants.

He had just sat on a bee and got a nasty sting and desperately asked his partner

to get the stinger out.

The scene of a man kneeling next to his playing partner's bare rear end, was too much for the group playing behind the twosome.

The group raced up to the two golfers and asked a single question: "What was the bet?"

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.

~ Jim Dent

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.

~ Brent Musburger

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.

~ Pete Dye (US Golf Course Designer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.

~ Nubar Gulbenkian, 1972

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.

~ Percey Boomer

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners.

~ Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Local Knowledge

At a municipal golf course, a foursome approached the tee of the 430-yard, par-4 sixth hole. The long, straight fairway ran along a road that was fenced on the right. The green was slightly to the left of the straightaway with another road paralleling the green from which golfers often received the calls of hecklers.

The first golfer teed off with a long ball slice in the direction of the road. The ball went over the fence, bounced 150 yards down the road, where it hit the tire of a moving city bus and was knocked back on to the golf course stopping just 10 yards short of the green.

As they all stood in amazement, a fellow golfer asked, "How on earth did you do that?"

The response came without hesitation, "You have to know the bus schedule."

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

~ Bob Hope, US Actor & Comedian

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.

~ Barry Fitzgerald, Going My Way

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.

~Harry Vardon (US Golf Legends Player)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

~ Bob Hope (US Actor & Comedian)

[Guest Guest]

Playing golf is like "HOLE IN ONE" in a gay's dark maze. You dont know what you are going to get till you hit it.

..Stevie Wonder.

[crazygolfer]

Playing golf is like "HOLE IN ONE" in a gay's dark maze. You dont know what you are going to get till you hit it.

..Stevie Wonder.

Hahaha Guest It was a good one. :thumb:

--------

Golf Quote of the Day:

A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.

~ Chi Chi Rodriguez (Puerto Rico Golf Pro)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.

~ Paul O'Neil

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life.

~ Grantland Rice

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: By The Rules

Two friends were playing golf one day. They decided they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie. After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path.

As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said, "We agreed that we would not improve our lie."

No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it. So the man went to the cart to get a club.

As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks!

Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.

"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?" "Your 7-iron!" he replied.

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.

~Robert Browning, A History of Golf

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.

~ Phil Blackmar

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.

~ Harry Toscano

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Personal Ad

The forty-something business executives and avid golfer, was browsing the personal ads on the internet when he came across an interesting ad from an attractive lady living in the same town he did.

The ad read as follows...

Slim, attractive, buxom blonde, 5'6" 125 lbs. successful in business, happy in life,

no children (or desire to have them), enjoys traveling, pampering her man and the finer things in life. Seek similar qualities in a partner for long-term relationship.

GOLFERS NEED NOT APPLY. :oops:

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Aliens

An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement.

The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, sliced the next shot into the bushes. He then took a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again.

Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game and they continued to observe the golfer.

The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green. He then took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole.

At this point, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

~ Chi Chi Rodriguez (Pro Golfer)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Quote of the Day:

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

~Jim Bishop (US Journalist)

[crazygolfer]

Golf Jokes: Water Hole

Standing in front of a challenging water hole, the beginner says to his partner;

"I don't know why I bother playing these water holes"

"Why, what do you mean?" questions his partner.

It would be easier on my blood pressure and my wallet, if I just set fire to a stack of five dollar bills"