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For gays who will be seniors one day - A Steve5380 Topic!


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On 1/11/2022 at 6:30 PM, Guest Dizzy and Time Wasting said:

  I do not have long attentions span, given other important productive time at hand.     Not a single word I have read coming from you in every thread, except the need on this one to voice my concerns and for other readers.

 

I think BW forum should limit the number of words per post (on certain members), otherwise it will kill many people interest and worse, will not reflect positively on that person writing it, wehther he is right or wrong.

 

Maybe you are confusing an online forum with a group chat.

 

Here are some points to note:

 

a) The short attention span is your personal problem and not the problem of BW or any other Members/readers.

 

b) Where will you place the limit of numbers of words. People could probably not post any news article into BW to alert Singaporean residents on gay related news. Discriminating certain members would be also inappropriate.

 

c) There is no obligation for anyone to read anything at BW. You are at the total liberty to move on and decide not to read posts. That liberty is granted to everyone at BW even those with attention span issues. This means there is no issue if certain Members have learnt to write longer posts.

 

d) Obviously you read InBangkok's post otherwise how would you have known that he is in disagreement with someone else? That you did not read any single word seems quite unbelievable...

 

e) For posting something at BW it is advisable to always have read the content of the post otherwise you might accuse someone wrongly for something he hasn't done.

 

Please accept my apologies if I m quite blunt, but you provoked it with your post.

 

 

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On 1/11/2022 at 1:14 PM, Steve5380 said:

Why you keep posting here completely out of topic?

I post to correct incorrect posts made by others, especially others who have written quite the opposite in other threads. That surely must be perfectly obvious.

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On 1/11/2022 at 3:23 AM, InBangkok said:

 

Funny! I hadn't noticed that!

 

 

Quack... quack....quack...   

 

There are a lot of things you don't notice!   Like how shameful your posting here is.

 

You came to this thread, attracted by my alias, with the intention to badmouth anything I post.

 

This was clear from the beginning when you bashed the video about preventing Alzheimer's by stating that it cannot be prevented.  You also confused prevention with reversion.  I made you aware of this, but you persist with this false statement that it CANNOT be prevented.  You have zero evidence of this.  Even if the recommendations in the videos keep 10 % of the Alzheimer's cases from materializing,  it can be prevented.   

 

You continued by badmouthing other videos about nutrition, recommendations of fasting, avoiding sugars, etc. You called the presenters in these videos "quacks".  Again, you provided ZERO evidence that they are quacks, it is simply what you irresponsibly say. 

 

Irresponsibly, because you may be affecting the opinion of fellow gays who need and want good advice, and then...  why should they care to prevent Alzheimer's if it cannot be prevented?!  All because of your false statements!

 

 

Edited by Steve5380
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On 1/11/2022 at 7:33 AM, InBangkok said:

I post to correct incorrect posts made by others, especially others who have written quite the opposite in other threads. That surely must be perfectly obvious.

 

Incorrect!  What you call "perfectly obvious" is a snide lie of yours.

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On 1/10/2022 at 11:55 PM, InBangkok said:

 

I did indeed because you lied. You took an old post of mine in which I talked about Rairua in the early 2000s adding I had not been to a gay sauna for more than 15 years. You accused me of lying. You even accused my partner of being part of these fictitious escapades to saunas. You then said that having lived in Bangkok for 4 decades it would be impossible to avoid going to saunas. Again you made an assumption for, as I pointed out, your assumption was yet again totally inaccurate. You made it up. Most of my time in Asia has been working for companies in Hong Kong and Tokyo. But then you did not think to check. You ASSUMED and then lied! Do you want me to post that detailed series of posts here to prove my comments?  I don't think so!ou can criticise me all you want and I will criticise you back if I think you are wrong. If I agree, I will say so. But when you involve my partner in a totally made-up post, I will certainly accuse you of lying. After you doubled down more than once, you finally apologised - as you should immediatey have done.

 

 

This is what you wrote after I observed that in 2020 you got terribly upset and angry when I said that you too like to go to saunas.  I never accused your partner of anything, I have no awareness or interest in your partner.  My assumption was about you, and now you say that I LIED.   This is a falsity.

 

A REAL grown up man does not get terribly angry and upset and makes a tantrum just because some anonymous person in a gay sauna misunderstood  his likeness for saunas. This is instead the attitude of a puny girly spoiled child.  And then after the person apologized this girly adult child keeps a strong resentment against the person who made him blow up in anger. You should realize that your anger and tantrum was the doing of your own personality.  If I would get so angry and make such a tantrum every time you post a falsity about me..... oh-my-my-god-   what would this forum become?   But I don't get angry over your falsities,  some even amuse me,  and that's it.

.

 

 

Edited by Steve5380
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On 1/10/2022 at 11:55 PM, InBangkok said:

 

On the other hand, I have indeed contradicted some of what you have written in this thread because I believe much of it is quackery. It may suit a 78 year old man but nothing particularly applies to young Singapore and Asian gays. You don't agree. Fair enough.

 

 

What in your belief is quackery?  You already gave your opinion that Alzheimer's cannot be prevented, and we discussed this.  It is your "opinion" versus some doctors' and expert's findings.

 

What else?  What else is "quackery"?

 

And you are wrong that this thread suits only a 78 year old man.  More than us elderly people, the information I post is timely for young Singaporeans and Asian gays.  When younger, this is the time to start PREVENTING.   Haven't you read the many threads about fellow posters in BW who are afraid of getting older,  who think that they are on the verge to lose any attraction and are incapable to control their inevitable descent into incapacitation and senility when they soon reach... 40, 50 or 60?   If we have personal experience of being fully healthy, functional and happy beyond these ages,  don't we nearly have a responsibility to let it know and give reassurance and advice to the younger folks?  What is bad with this? 

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For the record:   The record of what?  A record of your sickness?

 

This is what this individual sin- ga- li- on  posted yesterday, quoting a collection of my past posts. There must be something wrong with his mind.  Not only is this totally off-topic,  but it is completely weird.  In my long years at BW,  I have never seen such a strange thing.  Is this his internal urge to win an argument what prompt him to do so?  If so, he failed miserably.....  unfortunately corrupting more this thread with his endlessly long posts,  something he also does in the American Politics one.  

 

So I looked at my quoted earlier posts and...  interestingly...  I find that they are fine.  I would not change any of them, even if some I wrote jokingly, like the one where I said I would visit all those saunas after covid is over, ha ha.

 

Not only am I satisfied with my posts, but they may even give some example to fellow gays who think that at 40 their sex life is over.  Here they can see that even in their 70s  they can have an interesting sex life, perfectly positive without hurting anyone.   My beloved late bf, whom I cared so much for, he also loved me much and he was pleased that I did my "sex tourism" in Asia.  He told me: "I'm sorry that I cannot go with you, but you try to get all the pleasure you need there, which I cannot give you".  And he knew perfectly well what I did in Asia, because I never intentionally did hide anything from him.

 

My quoted posts could be part of my writing here "for gays who will be seniors one day".   Preserve your sexuality and don't short-cut it.   Find a loving relationship, and if it has to be open,  don't let go of the mutual love and respect.  Try to make it "in sickness and in health, till death shall us part".   This derives from an earlier principle:  we are not perfect, others are not perfect.  The combination of the two, the union, of course cannot be perfect.  Don't strive for a perfect relationship,  this is what love is for, to smooth out imperfections. :)

Edited by Steve5380
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On 1/11/2022 at 4:30 AM, Guest Dizzy and Time Wasting said:

 

I think BW forum should limit the number of words per post (on certain members), otherwise it will kill many people interest and worse, will not reflect positively on that person writing it, wehther he is right or wrong.

 

 

Thanks, this is not a bad idea.  The main elements of our posts should be OUR OWN WORDS,  not endless quotations of others, which can be very well abridged.

 

But see what this sin-ga-li-on replied to you:

 

Maybe you are confusing an online forum with a group chat.

Here are some points to note:

a) The short attention span is your personal problem and not the problem of BW or any other Members/readers.

b) Where will you place the limit of numbers of words. People could probably not post any news article into BW to alert Singaporean residents on gay related news. Discriminating certain members would be also inappropriate.

c) There is no obligation for anyone to read anything at BW. You are at the total liberty to move on and decide not to read posts. That liberty is granted to everyone at BW even those with attention span issues. This means there is no issue if certain Members have learnt to write longer posts.

d) Obviously you read InBangkok's post otherwise how would you have known that he is in disagreement with someone else? That you did not read any single word seems quite unbelievable...

e) For posting something at BW it is advisable to always have read the content of the post otherwise you might accuse someone wrongly for something he hasn't done.

Please accept my apologies if I m quite blunt, but you provoked it with your post.

 

First he blames it on "your personal problem".  He would never accept it as "HIS personal problem"

 

Then he objects on the basis that one could not post news articles to alert readers to gay related news.  He forgets that he can always post LINKS to the news instead dumping the whole news in his post.  Also he says: "Discriminating certain members would also be inappropriate"   What???  He has managed to do something at this site so that ALL my replies to him get HIDDEN, and need approval.  Moderators won't tell me why, but they are the owners of the site, and I have nothing to say.  But I should be sufficiently unimportant to not warrant "special treatment" here.

 

He argues:  there is no obligation for anyone to read anything at BW.  This is an eternal cheap excuse.  

 

And he observed that you did read InBangkok's posts, and realized that he is in disagreement with someone.  So what?

 

At last,  HE BLAMES YOU from having provoked him,  even if he tries to hide this with "Please accept my apologies".  The falsity of this si-nga-lio-n member transformed into cheap troll... is evident.

.

 

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AT LAST has this si-ng-al-io-n posted something in this thread that is on topic.  He wrote:

 

How to prevent dementia:

 

Here is a link

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/risk-factors-and-prevention/how-reduce-your-risk-alzheimers-and-other-dementias

 

Wnderful!  Now please inform your buddy-in-harassment InBangkok of your finding that dementia, Alzheimer's CAN be prevented.  :) 

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Today's news:

 

Research at Harvard has found that olive oil significantly reduces the risk of diseases, including Alzheimer's.

 

https://www.phillyvoice.com/olive-oil-reduce-risk-death-saturated-fats-cancer-cardiovascular-disease-harvard/

 

 

"Consuming more olive oil could reduce your risk of dying from cancer, cardiovascular and respiratory disease and neurodegenerative disorders like Alzheimer's, according to a new study.

Researchers from Harvard University analyzed diets, disease and death records of men and women over a 28-year period. They found that people who replaced just over 2 teaspoons of margarine, butter, mayonnaise or dairy fat with the same amount of olive oil had up to a 34% lower overall risk of dying than people who ate little to no olive oil.

 

People who had the highest levels of olive oil consumption also had a 19% lower risk of dying from heart conditions, a 17% lower risk of dying from cancer, a 29% lower risk of dying from neurodegenerative disease, and an 18% lower risk of dying from respiratory disease.

The connection between olive oil and deaths from brain disease was "novel," Susanna Larsson, an associate professor of epidemiology at the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden, wrote in an accompanying editorial."

-------

 

How much more proof we need that we can help our chances of a healthy life later in life by making some easy changes today?   How can we let these opportunities pass ??

.

Edited by Steve5380
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Steve: I won't do you the favour to go down into your last three 'retorting" posts aiming to insult me in your own interest.

 

There is nothing wrong to post your old posts from 2012 to recent on the same topic. You posted it here, it is history of BW.


 

 

 

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Steve: My personal advice to you was to settle your personal issues with InBangkok.

If your pride doesn't allow you to settle some small issue in a gentlemanly manner, than don't wonder and you have to face the consequences.

 

The giving in on both sides is long overdue.

 

It is a small matter to write a private message and to get over this ridiculous episode.

 

For all what you have been pretending and upholding on BW to my utmost surprise I am shocked on your stubbornness not to have already settled this small issue with InBangkok.

 

There are no winners.

 

Proclaiming that you follow the teachings of Buddha but it seems you haven't read the crucial parts.

 

 

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.

 

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

 

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

 

 

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Si=ng=al=io=n just posted this to me:

 

Steve: I won't do you the favour to go down into your last three 'retorting" posts aiming to insult me in your own interest.

There is nothing wrong to post your old posts from 2012 to recent on the same topic. You posted it here, it is history of BW.

 

I... I cannot make any sense of this!  Have I "insulted him in my own interest" ?  Does he mean that he had quoted my old posts in my own interest ???  Am I now the culprit that he quoted my posts?  Please, does anyone understand him and can clarify what he means?

 

Then he wrote to me:

 

Steve: My personal advice to you was to settle your personal issues with InBangkok.

If your pride doesn't allow you to settle some small issue in a gentlemanly manner, than don't wonder and you have to face the consequences.

The giving in on both sides is long overdue.

It is a small matter to write a private message and to get over this ridiculous episode.

For all what you have been pretending and upholding on BW to my utmost surprise I am shocked on your stubbornness not to have already settled this small issue with InBangkok.

There are no winners.

Proclaiming that you follow the teachings of Buddha but it seems you haven't read the crucial parts.

 

How can I settle any issues with InBangkok if he keeps bashing and deluding me with snide falsities ??  

There is an infinitely simple way to settle:  for him to stop trolling me and criticizing my life, my age, my preferences, my actions that have nothing to do with him, and he could completely ignore me  ( leaving me alone in peace ). 

 

I surely have not tried to keep him out of this thread.  He could have posted his dissents, his opinions, without involving me. But his first post on this thread, on 12/30/21,  was to write this right away:

 

What? Do you seriously expect readers to believe that? You have told us soooo many times about how you love your son, adore your grandchildren, had 20 or so years with your loving and beloved boyfriend - yet old age "is becoming the happiest period of your life"?

 

What has this thread to do with my son, my late bf,  my grandchildren, , my old age?  Isn't it completely improper that he breaks into this thread with a bunch of my personal things that don't concern him at all?  How would YOU deal with this?

 

And I have tried to settle, to reconciliate with him.  After he had his Big Tantrum I wrote a PM to him apologizing,  ( I am not going to quote my PMs here because I think that PMs are confidential ).  He didn't accept my apology, instead kept blaming me for having misinterpreted in an insulting way what he had written earlier about a sauna.    So... what can I do?   Make a pilgrimage from Houston to Bangkok on my knees and bow down in front of him and kiss his feet, asking for forgiveness?  :lol:  I still have excellent knees at my 78 years, but it would be hard to find a passage on land between Houston and Bangkok to make the pilgrimage on my knees.   You are right, there are no winners, and all I can care now is not to be a loser.

 

When did I proclaim to be a follower of the teachings of the Buddha?   I respect his teachings, but I am definitely a follower of the teachings, the philosophy of Jesus Crist, and their teachings don't coincide 100%.   I would follow the Buddha in the blink of an eye if I could convince myself that karma and reincarnation, which I like very much, are a reality.  

.

 

Edited by Steve5380
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Guest Feverish

Cool down guys.  The main topic here has long flown out of the radar by the same members vying for trophy of reasonings, which is so laughable.  

 

People change all the time and that include their interest and thinking due to change in circumstances.  I wouldn't pick bone over what he said in the past, to argue his contradiction now, to make me feel better.   The best friend you loved and adored a year ago, could possibly become your worse enemy today, rendering your change mindset and tone towards the "best friend"  and you do not deserved to be based for that changes.  This is a very fluid world and I can't tell exactly what I am thinking even a month or a year later.    So let's stick to the topic for what it is and not steer to much wasy from what is already a very complicated world.

 

On that note,  I would like to ask Steve what his next plan is, as he moved toward his twilight light year of 80 and beyond.  Specifically,  anything that he wished to achieve or make his dream come true, or plan of stay in a community old folks home after having lived a riped age?

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On 1/11/2022 at 9:39 PM, Steve5380 said:

You came to this thread, attracted by my alias, with the intention to badmouth anything I post.

Yet another of your ASSUMPTIONS and - like the others - it is nonsense.

 

On 1/11/2022 at 9:39 PM, Steve5380 said:

You also confused prevention with reversion.

What? That is utter nonsense as my post of January 2nd makes perfectly clear. @Steve5380  stated and posted a video to support the assertion that ""Dementia can be prevented through lifestyle." I countered with the fact that this is totally untrue. Dementia cannot be prevented. That is FACT! But @Steve5380does not like facts and so he makes up the assertion that "there is plenty of authoritative data n how to reduce the probability of getting dementia. If that is not "preventing", what is it?"

 

So suddenly fact becomes possibility. Yet even now he is confusing reduction with reversion. The fact is, as I pointed out with dictionary definitions, prevention has nothing to do with reversion. End of discussion. 

 

Let's recall that @Steve5380is sadly prone to making up a lot of fantasies. In the Opera Queens in Singapore, thread started by a Singaporean who loved live opera and intended it for posters who could give their experiences of live opera, @Steve5380 hijacked the thread by trying to persuade readers that ballet, recitals and other art forms were perfectly suited to a live opera thread. Which of course is yet again nonsense. But then he lives alone with his video screens only watching a few operas on youtube which is not live opera. He even admitted he hasn't been to a live opera for more than 35 years!

 

Then he equated attending a live opera performances to attending a gay sauna (posted 12/30/2020)!! He even suggested that if he attended a live opera he would be perfectly happy eating a pizza during the performance. This presumably because that is what he does in front of his TV monitors.

 

As for me, he made a series of ASSUMPTIONS based on no facts. After I claimed I had not been to a gay sauna for more than 15 years," he replied "You who enjoy opera houses AND gay saunas, as you have said repeatedyl" That was a lie. He had not read anything more than one post on my having visited Rairua in the early 2000s But how does he respond? As he usually does - by doubling down, for @Steve5380believes he is never wrong. When I queried his memory, he wrote -

 

"I remember reading more than once that you attended saunas"

 

So the lie was repeated. He then continued the allegation with the following idiotic statement, "I simply had the idea [so it was an idea, not a fac]  that you enjoy saunas because I did read several times that you visited them, and it is logical to assume that a gay who visit gay saunas enjoys them” But now when he realised i would not let him get away with this lie, he continued with his false assertion before admitting that he made an ASSUMPTION.

 

As for this thread, earlier hhe asks this -

 

On 1/12/2022 at 12:11 AM, Steve5380 said:

 If we have personal experience of being fully healthy, functional and happy beyond these ages,  don't we nearly have a responsibility to let it know and give reassurance and advice to the younger folks?  What is bad with this? 

 

For the very simple reason that there have been so many posts here and elsewhere where @Steve5380 has made so many incorrect assumptions that what he writes needs to be taken with a very large pinch of salt. What apples to a man who has lived in his small house for two years to avoid getting covid19 does not necessarily apply in any way to young Asians based half a world away.

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On 1/12/2022 at 2:34 PM, Guest Feverish said:

People change all the time and that include their interest and thinking due to change in circumstances.  I wouldn't pick bone over what he said in the past, to argue his contradiction now, to make me feel better.   The best friend you loved and adored a year ago, could possibly become your worse enemy today, rendering your change mindset and tone towards the "best friend"  and you do not deserved to be based for that changes.  This is a very fluid world and I can't tell exactly what I am thinking even a month or a year later.    So let's stick to the topic for what it is and not steer to much wasy from what is already a very complicated world.

 

Someone who regularly posted here that his main aim for travelling to Asia and visiting Asian cities for gay sex purposes and visiting gay saunas in Asia consistently since 2012 to most recent 2022 does not indicate any change in interest, thinking or mind...

There is no contradiction.

 

Steve isn't surely the only guy who has been doing this.

 

The issue is more that Steve has been painting InBangkok's posts of him as falsities.

 

Quotes of Steve's own posts from 2012 to 2022 surely do not represent falsities.

 

That was the only point why I posted them for the record.

 

 

 

 

Edited by singalion
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My main aim was to cool both guys down and get past this continuous brawl, which is not healthy for BW.

 

I think they should aim to settle it in private... instead of going on and on.

 

Steve should sincerely apologise for any wrong (and name what InBangkok hurt most to apologise on the write thing and not keeping the controversial point too general) and

InBangkok should accept it.

 

I just wonder why this is so difficult?

 

 

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On 1/12/2022 at 1:34 PM, Guest Feverish said:

This is a very fluid world and I can't tell exactly what I am thinking even a month or a year later.  So let's stick to the topic for what it is and not steer to much wasy from what is already a very complicated world.

Very fair point. But I will ask you one question. If you are slandered - sometimes repeatedly - by another member here, how do you react. Turn the other check? What if the slander is repeated? Turn the other cheek again? If i accused you of doing something you had not done, something you found disagreeable in view of your changed personal circumstances, would you let it go unchallenged?

 

On topic, for those who will be seniors one day, I hope the subject can be expanded to include issues also related to health but particularly associated with sports - issues like hip and knee replacements required in later years for those active in sports like badminton and tennis. Or even the huge effect of American football on the brain and the large number of severe brain degenerative injuries which affect too many players, sometimes leading to suicides. A Report by the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 99% of those who play American Football suffer form some form of brain disease. That's a horrendous statisti.

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On 1/12/2022 at 1:52 PM, singalion said:

Someone who regularly posted here that his main aim for travelling to Asia and visiting Asian cities for gay sex purposes consistently since 2012 to most recent 2022 does not indicate any change in interest, thinking or mind...

There is no contradiction.

I totally agree. I assume you are referring to @Steve5380's ceaseless posts on his gay sex tourism. In his wown words he has been visiting Singapore and South East Asia from as early as 2006.

 

It would help if @Steve5380  accepted that just because he is a habitue of gay saunas despite his age, most others do not share his view. Also if he accepted that there is far more to life than visiting gay saunas, if he acknowledged  that it is simply a matter of good manners and simple courtesy to accept that other posters enjoy, for example, travelling extensively, attending concerts, operas and plays, sightseeing and enjoying different cultures, having coffee or eating out with his and his partner's friends and other activites which he himself does not do since he prefers to stay at home and simply watch things on videos, then I am certain there would be little for others to argue with him about. 

 

But he should also accept that when he writes something that might be wrong in some way, other posters do have a right to criticise such posts or pose opposing viewpoints without fearing they will be attacked for daring to oppose him. He has to realise that doubling down only results in additional criticism. But then he hates being seen to be wrong!

Edited by InBangkok
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Guest Feverish
On 1/12/2022 at 3:09 PM, InBangkok said:

Very fair point. But I will ask you one question. If you are slandered - sometimes repeatedly - by another member here, how do you react.

 

I would do nothing, instead of adding fuel by explaining your heart out on a lost cause.  I don't believe Steve is a narcissistic guy, nor someone without much intelligence in explaning away his stories and other old age issues befiting his time and circumstance.  Most times, he enjoyed posting "tongue-in-Cheek" comments to draw attention, but let's leave that to the job of moderator.

 

Having said that, let's also be real here, It is not like my entire life will collapse over what he said,  nor I will lost my job as a result or Singapore journalists will go into frenzy of tracking me down, just because some cheeky cyber souls posted something mundane not in accordance to our vibes.   This is a very kinky BW forum, people cares not able about tiresome "slandering", even moderator had a fair share of it too, but they are more interested in your naked pictures and nothing else (no pun intended).

 

Instead of being so hard up, over who say what, try to desensitize from being oversenstive about many things. If you can't handle cyber stranger here, you will have problem dealing with the greater world outside this window.

 

Cheers

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On 1/12/2022 at 3:24 PM, InBangkok said:

I totally agree. Although to be fair, I believe the period of his visits to Singapore and South East Asia were from 2006 till 2016.

 

I did not dig deeper. LOL

 

His first post at BW was 2012 to be exact:

JOINED August 22, 2012

 

Steve5380

  •  
  • Members
    •  

I am an American Caucasian but I speak a little Mandarin. I also understand that a chinese body doesn't have a distinctive gene that needs Mandarin to communicate. I must say that Mandarin has a smart structure, but it is spoken with very limited resources of speech. Too much redundancy in the meaning of words (sylabes) and too subtile differences between sounds. The need for accents reflects this overuse. The written language is more specific, but having to identify thousands of symbols makes it highly impractical. I have never typed in Mandarin, but I imagine that it must be a nightmare. Computers handle Mandarin perfectly well, but it is the interface between human and machine that is the problem.

Why not take the opportunity of a new millenium and create a new Chinese language that has the convenience of the traditional occidental languages? And, bad feelings aside, why not take English as this new language?

Edited August 22, 2012 by Steve5380

 

 

His second post was this:

 

What I want to say, in a more direct way, is that Taiwan, PRC should take example of Singapore
embracing English as their official language. This has helped its economy surge, and helps its
population when going overseas by being able to easily communicate. And this could extend
to the other Asian languages, some of them equally criptic. There is no need to
abandon Mandarin, but it seems practical to have English as the primary, official language.

 

 

=> He might have posted as a Guest prior to that but posts before August 2012 are not available.

 

 

Edited by singalion
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On 1/12/2022 at 4:10 PM, Guest Feverish said:

I would do nothing, instead of adding fuel by explaining your heart out on a lost cause.  I don't believe Steve is a narcissistic guy, nor someone without much intelligence in explaning away his stories and other old age issues befiting his time and circumstance.  Most times, he enjoyed posting "tongue-in-Cheek" comments to draw attention, but let's leave that to the job of moderator.

 

In my personal view it would be an easy thing to apologise for having assumed something (from his own mindset) which was wrong and posted the wrong content frequently at BW. 

 

What is so problematic to set things straight and just apologise.

 

We don't know the personal situation of InBangkok. Any potential bf of InBangkok on reading BW might have been upset on something that never carried any truth. Posting such things at BW not knowing the truth may even endanger relationships. We should be more cautious to allege things on others, in particular if we are not aware.

 

You must also look at consequential results from your action.

 

But foremost, I don't see the problem of apologising sincerely.

 

 

How long do you intend to drag this on?

 

 

 

 

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On 1/12/2022 at 3:10 PM, Guest Feverish said:

I don't believe Steve is a narcissistic guy, nor someone without much intelligence in explaning away his stories and other old age issues befiting his time and circumstance.  Most times, he enjoyed posting "tongue-in-Cheek" comments to draw attention, but let's leave that to the job of moderator.

You seem not to be aware of posting manners. If you post something that is intended to be read as humorous or "tongue in cheek" there are various ways you can make sure this is understood by everyone - LOL, a cute laughing emoj or even a simple hahaha. Failure to make clear that your post is intended to be seen as humorous results in those reading it to assume it is anything other than humorous. I assume you must be perfectly wlell aware of that. @Steve5380certainly is since he uses all three from time to time in other posts.

 

On 1/12/2022 at 3:10 PM, Guest Feverish said:

This is a very kinky BW forum, people cares not able about tiresome "slandering", even moderator had a fair share of it too, but they are more interested in your naked pictures and nothing else (no pun intended).

Oh really? So you assume this is a kind of x-rated Instagram. Just to enlighten you, it is not. And if you think I am wrong, why don't you list in your next post the number fo threads in this main forum dealing with naked pictures? And then tell us how many are not naked photo related. You will discover that your assumption - and it is only an assumption - is horribly wrong. This is a chat room. As stated at the top of the page, it is for the MATURE Singapore man.

Edited by InBangkok
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Guest Sigh
On 1/12/2022 at 5:16 PM, singalion said:

We don't know the personal situation of InBangkok. Any potential bf of InBangkok on reading BW might have been upset on something that never carried any truth. Posting such things at BW not knowing the truth may even endanger relationships. We should be more cautious to allege things on others, in particular if we are not aware.

 

 

You think too much.  Hypothesis is the mother of all society problems, often used by politicians to lock down dissent, buy votes and strike fear.   I wasted too many words, so let's get back to the topic.

 

At some point, I think people of senior age will need some of form of cares, once their functioning systems start to dis-integrate.  Anyone ever thought of that scenario?

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Guest Feverish
On 1/12/2022 at 5:58 PM, InBangkok said:

This is a chat room. As stated at the top of the page, it is for the MATURE Singapore man.

Start a topic, and post your naked pictures, hope it doesn't dissappoint,  I can bet within a day, the viewerships will surpass this topic multifold. I rest my case, no more replying from me henceforth.

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On 1/12/2022 at 6:12 PM, Guest Feverish said:

Start a topic, and post your naked pictures, hope it doesn't dissappoint,  I can bet within a day, the viewerships will surpass this topic multifold. I rest my case, no more replying from me henceforth.

 

 Do us a favour and read the guidelines on the main forum first:

 

 

 

 

There is no such thing any longer as posting nude content at BW.

 

 

 

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SIN GA LION,   you posted to me:

 

My main aim was to cool both guys down and get past this continuous brawl, which is not healthy for BW.

 

I think they should aim to settle it in private... instead of going on and on.

 

Steve should sincerely apologise for any wrong (and name what InBangkok hurt most to apologise on the write thing and not keeping the controversial point too general) and

InBangkok should accept it.

 

If you want to make believe that your "main aim" was and is to be a nice impartial person who wants for the conflicting parties to reconcile and make peace,  you again, failed miserably.  You took sides with "the other" to help bash me and this was, and still is, your purpose quoting old posts of mine.  This by itself is completely out of place.  This thread is not a place to vent your personal disagreements with the TS  (yes, personal) bringing up his previous writings as alleged "proof" of your disagreement. 

 

And you should know, but you fail to recognize, that I already apologized to InBangkok.  I did it twice,  on PM, apology he rejected, and in the thread  "Opera Queens in Singapore".  You surely read the whole discussions, since you were also partially involved in them 

 

Here is my post that set InBangkok's fuse on fire:

 

  On 12/29/2020 at 11:39 PM, InBangkok said:

It seems you are prepared to continue with this rubbish! Do you not realise that equating gay sex in a sauna to a live performance of western opera is indeed rubbish, frankly? There is zero correlation in a thread devoted to live performances of western opera (as clearly stated in two posts by the TS).

 

As for suggesting that "real men found their way into this thread" is a reason why it has been abandoned by the TS, that too is not just plain nonsense, sad to say it is an insult to the TS. Please apologise to him. Oh, and who might be the real men, I wonder?

 

 

I have to recognize that I am very, very surprised by your comment.  And a little disillusioned too.  I thought that you were more rational.  You seem horrified that I place opera houses and gay saunas on an equal standing!  I find them equals as places of entertainment with live actors, although the type of acting is different.

 

Unlike you, I don't think that opera belongs on a high pedestal of morality. Far from it.  An opera house is not a cathedral.

And I don't think that a gay sauna is a joint of perversion. I DON"T HOLD HOMOSEXUAL SEX AS IMMORAL!!

 

And here you of all persons, find this rubbish,  you who enjoy opera houses AND gay saunas, as you have said repeatedly.  I hope for your good that you also perform live in gay saunas, where you should not worry about your age as long as you take steps to remain somewhat attractive,  and you could also sing arias there since you know their melody.

 

Opera in gay saunas fits well within the topic of this thread,  since the TS choose to put in the name "opera-queens".  This is a SLANG somewhat demeaning expression referring to gay men who love opera because they are effeminate.  This is what "queens" mean. And I have remarqued in my first post here,  that I may be an opera-fan,  but NOT an opera-queen.

 

I know that homosexual men can be REAL men.  (and there are heterosexual men who are effeminate). I know it because this is what I am, and I am proud of it.   It would be so positive if you could feel the same way....

 

It would be helpful if you do some introspection and reconsider.  I keep some hope of that  :) 

 

P.D....  

You must have noticed that most of my posts at BW are done in a spirit of humor.  Life is good to me and I have all reasons to be in excellent mood.  And life is short!  Why waste it in anger?  But you appear to be so dead serious!  So easily irritated!  The other day in the Instrumental Music thread you showed a spark of humor after you mistakenly wrote "after death" instead of "before death".  This is it!  This is the way to take it, but holding the humor all the time! 

 

Cheer up Man!  Nothing is important here,  the thread, the TS, the live music, the recorded music. This is nothing but an opportunity to chat about our beloved music, and maybe jest with some friendly punches.  Life is good!  :thumb:

 

 

On this post I innocently wrote the FATAL PHRASE:  "And here you of all persons, find this rubbish,  you who enjoy opera houses AND gay saunas, as you have said repeatedly.",  referring to his review of the old Rairua sauna.  And this simple phrase, where maybe I had misinterpreted his sauna review,  set of the explosion that lead to THE BIG ANGER.  Notice that I also in my P.D. made him aware that I write in a spirit of humor,  so he should not take it so seriously.  How can one take a similarity between an opera house and a gay sauna... seriously?

 

What followed were endless discussions, he claimed that I had made an "outright lie", while I said that I made an involuntary misinterpretation,  and then discussion went to the difference between "outright lie" and "lie". 

 

In the end, InBangkok wrote his Letter of Resignation,  not before bashing me further:

 

 

You write you consider yourself a "role model in many aspects of life". That is again so typical of what you write. Sadly it is so patently false. I hope no young Singaporean falls for that. You are in fact a self-centred egotist living 10,000 miles from Singapore , a near octogenarian who lives alone spending much of the day consoling yourself by playing pianos and watching youtube videos ad nauseam munching your snacks because you have not the slightest interest in any form of live performance, a sad man who realises that with time marching on your chances of returning to enjoy even more casual sex in Singapore and other Asian cities with Asian boys who could easily be your grandchildren is fast disappearing. An old man who beautifies himself with hair transplants, regular botox injections and regular exercise hoping against hope to postpone the ravages of time which will surely come soon. With covid19 having ruined your plans for a return to Singapore for at least 18 months and probably longer, you have turned your considerable frustrations on those who actual enjoy a fulfilling relationship and a fulfilling life. You can't bear that thought. 

 

I would have accepted your apology. But you are incapable of leaving an attack until the moderator steps in - as he has done before - and bans you for a period of time. With your latest rant against me, I want nothing to do with your deranged personality. I am leaving this thread and this forum. I thank the other contributors to this and the Instrumental Music sites. I hope I have been able to make meaningful and occasionally informative posts. I am pleased to have been given the opportunity to contribute. For your sakes, my last hope is that @Steve5380 will not continue to destroy these threads.


to which I replied promptly: 

 

Well... I did what I thought was timely apologizing to you, but it may not have helped.

 

Your above post shows some feelings that are unexpected. I am simply one more gay who likes to participate in this forum, even if I live over 6,000 miles away.  I did not imagine that an insignificant anonymous individual like me would affect your freedom to participate in this forum. I am saddened by your decision to leave, and I feel I have failed in handling this situation with the sensitivity, friendliness, positive approach I should have. Please forgive my mistakes.  I apologize again, and if this is not sufficient,  I wish you all the best  :( 

 

 

This post of mine had no effect.  He left the forum for some time,  then he slowly returned,  apparently neutral,  but not for long!  His statement in his Letter of Resignation that: "I want nothing to do with your deranged personality",  he has forgotten and now he wants MUCH to do with my deranged personality, everywhere in BW...

 

So, SIN GA LION,  if you want to do something positive for a change, talk with @InBangkok.  Explain to him that he should forget the ills of the past and return to BW with a true spirit of reconciliation.  You could tell him also to apologize to me to make this reciprocal, but there is no need for that.  I have never been angry, and all his attacks have rebounded on my thick skin. I hold no ill feelings towards him. 

 

It would be nice if he returns holding an olive branch,  not to cover himself, but as a gesture of peace.  :) 

 

AND NOW, PLEASE BACK TO THE TOPIC:  For Gays who will be Seniors.  

.

 

 

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On 1/13/2022 at 1:01 AM, Steve5380 said:

If you want to make believe that your "main aim" was and is to be a nice impartial person who wants for the conflicting parties to reconcile and make peace,  you again, failed miserably.  You took sides with "the other" to help bash me and this was, and still is, your purpose quoting old posts of mine.  This by itself is completely out of place.  This thread is not a place to vent your personal disagreements with the TS  (yes, personal) bringing up his previous writings as alleged "proof" of your disagreement. 

 

It is your personal opinion or imagination that I "bashed you.

 

At no point ever I "bashed you".

 

Did it come to your mind that impartial judges review evidence.

 

The aim of the posts was to demonstrate what you posted yourself and objecting to your naming it as "falsities" .

 

How can a post solely containing your own posts serve as "bashing"...???

 

I did not even place any note, comment other than "for the record" at the post.

 

I explained the background in a later post.

 

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On 1/12/2022 at 4:02 AM, Guest Sigh said:

You think too much.  Hypothesis is the mother of all society problems, often used by politicians to lock down dissent, buy votes and strike fear.   I wasted too many words, so let's get back to the topic.

 

At some point, I think people of senior age will need some of form of cares, once their functioning systems start to dis-integrate.  Anyone ever thought of that scenario?

 

Yes, he thinks too much.  Hypothesis is fine if it is the result of intelligent analysis, but not in this case.

 

About people of senior age:

Not all seniors we need special care due to dysfunctional systems or mind.  It is time that younger folk start thinking of this desirable scenario of preserving health and reason.  This is what this thread is about. 

 

What seniors DO need is some respect from younger people.  Not that this respect has been necessarily earned throughout life, but because to be a senior, an older man,  is a distinction of having navigated a long life with all its natural obstacles, which not everyone does,  and having overcome all the constant threats to one's life with honesty and integrity.  It is in a way,  a Badge of Honor.   Hopefully you aim for this same Badge!  :thumb: 

.

Edited by Steve5380
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On 1/13/2022 at 1:01 AM, Steve5380 said:

So, SIN GA LION,  if you want to do something positive for a change, talk with @InBangkok.  Explain to him that he should forget the ills of the past and return to BW with a true spirit of reconciliation.  You could tell him also to apologize to me to make this reciprocal, but there is no need for that.  I have never been angry, and all his attacks have rebounded on my thick skin. I hold no ill feelings towards him. 

 

It would be nice if he returns holding an olive branch,  not to cover himself, but as a gesture of peace.

 

In all impartiality here, may we assume that you meant

 

"Your" ills of the past.

 

An apology must be honest and from the heart.

 

It is not honest if it is not serious.

 

The way you draft the words here as if it was InBangkok who is or was the main culprit.

 

Eventually, you still did not take note that it was you who broke of the fight with your insulting and wrong allegations against InBangkok.

 

 

 

 

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My response to SIN GA LION:

 

And who nominated you as a JUDGE? 

 

A person who want to assist two people who are in conflict,  should NEVER act as a judge, impartial or not.  He should NEVER tell one of them:  "you are the guilty one and should apologize to your opponent, who is the innocent".  This will NEVER work!    Instead, he should approach both at the same level, without any insinuation of guilt or innocence, and talk them into giving up their fight.  

 

And you are far from impartial.  As I have explained, you know perfectly well that I had apologized to InBangkok  at the time.  Yet, you come again saying that I must apologize,  like I am the guilty party.

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On 1/13/2022 at 1:01 AM, Steve5380 said:

So, SIN GA LION,  if you want to do something positive for a change, talk with @InBangkok.  Explain to him that he should forget the ills of the past and return to BW with a true spirit of reconciliation.  You could tell him also to apologize to me to make this reciprocal, but there is no need for that.  I have never been angry, and all his attacks have rebounded on my thick skin. I hold no ill feelings towards him. 

 

It would be nice if he returns holding an olive branch,  not to cover himself, but as a gesture of peace

 

If you had not been angry with InBangkok at all, then why do you turn circles to always attack him more and more?

 

From your retorting posts it does not at all sound like you have no ill feelings towards him...

 

To me that looks just the opposite.

 

 

You should just address the real issue and write that you assumed things on him that were untrue and that you had no knowledge off at all (aka the sauna visit issue).

 

Let's clear the air for once and all.

 

 

As you may also acknowledge I took various steps to close this chapter of dispute between both of you!

It is not healthy for BW to read your brawls at every corner and near to every thread where you post something...

(that is where I am coming from, and surely, I haven't been the only Member here commenting on this conflict).

 

 

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And my response to the subsequent post of SIN GA LION:

 

You really have nerve saying that you are impartial and then putting the blame on me.  Shame on you.  I think that I should write this:

 

Stay out of this.  If you are not involved in the argument, then STAY OUT OF IT.  No one has asked you to intervene, as judge, counselor or whatever.  You are making things WORSE.  Please turn your attention to judge YOURSELF.

 

I am planning to post about a useful book, "12 Rules for Life",  which I think will be perfect to teach you some rules.

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On 1/13/2022 at 1:16 AM, singalion said:

Did it come to your mind that impartial judges review evidence.

 

That was just an example!

 

Impartiality mostly applies to judges/mediators, arbitrators etc.

 

I don't judge anything whether you visit gay saunas 24/7 during your holidays or whether you spent 24/7 at a beach or visiting temples in Asia. It doesn't bother to me.

 

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On 1/13/2022 at 1:50 AM, Steve5380 said:

And my response to the subsequent post of SIN GA LION:

 

You really have nerve saying that you are impartial and then putting the blame on me.  Shame on you.  I think that I should write this:

 

Stay out of this.  If you are not involved in the argument, then STAY OUT OF IT.  No one has asked you to intervene, as judge, counselor or whatever.  You are making things WORSE.  Please turn your attention to judge YOURSELF.

 

I am planning to post about a useful book, "12 Rules for Life",  which I think will be perfect to teach you some rules.

 

Sorry but fights have a starting point. We all are aware what caused the commotion here.

 

If the Spartans attacked the Persians, then surely someone is to blame objectively for having caused the issue.

 

 

 

Read again:

It is not healthy for BW to read your brawls at every corner and near to every thread where you post something...

(that is where I am coming from, and surely, I haven't been the only Member here commenting on this conflict).

 

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On 1/13/2022 at 1:43 AM, Steve5380 said:

A person who want to assist two people who are in conflict,  should NEVER act as a judge, impartial or not.  He should NEVER tell one of them:  "you are the guilty one and should apologize to your opponent, who is the innocent".  This will NEVER work!    Instead, he should approach both at the same level, without any insinuation of guilt or innocence, and talk them into giving up their fight.  

 

So you want to say, judges do not decide on guilt, causation of a conflict and damages?

 

Hm, that is a bit far fledged if not irrational in my view...

 

Edited by singalion
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On 1/13/2022 at 1:51 AM, singalion said:

 

That was just an example!

 

Impartiality mostly applies to judges/mediators, arbitrators etc.

 

I don't judge anything whether you visit gay saunas 24/7 during your holidays or whether you spent 24/7 at a beach or visiting temples in Asia. It doesn't bother to me.

 

 

On 1/13/2022 at 1:56 AM, singalion said:

 

Sorry but fights have a starting point. We all are aware what caused the commotion here.

 

If the Spartans attacked the Persians, then surely someone is to blame objectively for having caused the issue.

 

 

 

Read again:

It is not healthy for BW to read your brawls at every corner and near to every thread where you post something...

(that is where I am coming from, and surely, I haven't been the only Member here commenting on this conflict).

 

 

On 1/13/2022 at 1:59 AM, singalion said:

 

So you want to say, judges do not decide on guilt, causation of a conflict and damages?

 

Hm, that is a bit far fledged if not irrational in my view...

 

 

Hello, @singalion did you not see that this is @Steve5380's Topic?

 

Go start your own topic and stop tying to divert the topic!

 

See @Steve5380 He is like you. You both are so alike in every way.


Now you know how irritating it is, having someone  arguing in every topics that are discussed.

 

You 2 deserves each other.

 

You 2

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On 1/12/2022 at 2:14 PM, G_M said:

 

 

 

Hello, @singalion did you not see that this is @Steve5380's Topic?

 

Go start your own topic and stop tying to divert the topic!

 

See @Steve5380 He is like you. You both are so alike in every way.


Now you know how irritating it is, having someone  arguing in every topics that are discussed.

 

You 2 deserves each other.

 

You 2

 

Hey,  Cheers SIN GA LION.  It seems that we both are receiving a lesson. 

 

Let's see if we can both change together.  :) 

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Guest Gummy bear
On 1/13/2022 at 4:25 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

Hey,  Cheers SIN GA LION.  It seems that we both are receiving a lesson. 

 

Let's see if we can both change together.  :) 

You should be more capable of changing rather than him. A good headstart is to ignore his posts and move on to the actual topic. Soon, he will find you uninteresting to bash and then moved along sensibly. Friction will naturally stop when one object do not correspond to another. 

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On 1/12/2022 at 3:37 PM, Guest Gummy bear said:

You should be more capable of changing rather than him. A good headstart is to ignore his posts and move on to the actual topic. Soon, he will find you uninteresting to bash and then moved along sensibly. Friction will naturally stop when one object do not correspond to another. 

 

Gummy bear,  thank you for your good advice.  An argumentative post made to us to elicit our response,  may have to wait forever if we don't respond.  It is like having a discussion with the wall.  It can be boring.

 

I like gelatin, and I like the view and the taste of gummy bears.  I don't have the patience of making the small blocks, I simply buy in the store a package of unsweetened lime gelatin, my favorite, and make it in bulk.  Very simple to make, good tasting, and allegedly good for the bones and ligaments.

 

I am making the purpose to remember your advice  if harassing posts come again.  But I am...  afraid... of seeking purpose, because apparently...  we should not have purpose in life!   Here is an interesting talk by the Indian Guru, who takes purpose more seriously than I do, and he might be right:  😄

 

 

Surprising opinion of guru Sadhguru about purpose of life,  isn't it?  One would think that to have a purpose is important, nearly fundamental.  Notice how he giggles at the idea of "divine purpose".  This man must be an agnostic through and through,  ha ha.

 

I think that his advice is good:  to live with the only purpose of being alive,  to live as long as possible,  to plan for LONGEVITY,  to do what helps to become a healthy, functional senior. 

.

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Guest STILL AS STEEL
On 1/13/2022 at 6:29 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

Gummy bear,  thank you for your good advice.  An argumentative post made to us to elicit our response,  may have to wait forever if we don't respond.  It is like having a discussion with the wall.  It can be boring.

 

Boring is a subjective word.  It was like watching a leaf fall from the tree.  Either you perceived it as peaceful or irritating to the soul.  I have avoided many obstacles and dangers in life, simply by KEEPING STILL which irritates a tones of people around me.

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June 12, 2021

Sex and Seniors: The 70-Year Itch

 

Horny old broads, dirty old men. These commonly used terms speak volumes about how society views older people who are interested in sex.

 

Experts say such derogatory labels reflect a deep level of discomfort in our youth-oriented culture with the idea that seniors are sexually active. Sex is identified with reproduction, youthful attractiveness, and power -- and most young and even middle-aged people do not want to confront the inevitability of growing old.

So sexual intimacy among older Americans is a subject that people don't talk about much. The silence, say experts, allows misconceptions to flourish -- including the widespread assumption that seniors lose interest in sex and are, or should be, asexual.

 

But armed with a spate of studies that help dispel the myth that older people don't have sex or enjoy it, experts say the negative stereotypes couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

 

"There is no age limit on sexuality and sexual activity," reports Stephanie A. Sanders, PhD, a senior scientist at the sexual research group The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. While the frequency or ability to perform sexually will generally decline modestly as seniors experience the normal physiological changes that accompany aging, reports show that the majority of men and women between the ages of 50 and 80 are still enthusiastic about sex and intimacy.

 

"Use it or lose it," says geriatrics expert Walter M. Bortz, author of three books on healthy aging as well as several studies on seniors' sexuality. Dr. Bortz, a professor at Stanford Medical School, is past president of the American Geriatrics Society and former co-chair of the American Medical Association's Task Force on Aging.

 

"If you stay interested, stay healthy, stay off medications, and have a good mate, then you can have good sex all the way to the end of life," he says.

 

After grieving for several years over her husband's death from Alzheimer's, Wellborn began a new relationship with a man in his 80s. They occasionally have sex, but mostly they enjoy each other's company, she says. "He wants so badly to have an erection, but it's hard for him," she says. "It might be the heart medication he's taking that causes the problem, because he's a very virile man. So we just have sex in a different way -- I don't mind at all -- and we're also very affectionate. He says it's so nice to wake up next to me."

 

 

Sex is different but not diminished

 

Seniors can devote more time and energy to improving their love lives. And while some seniors may be forced to give up strenuous sports, sex is a physical pleasure many older people readily enjoy.

 

A clear majority of men and women age 45 and up say a satisfying sexual relationship is important to the quality of life, according to a survey by the AARP (the organization formerly known as the American Association of Retired Persons). Nearly two-thirds said they were interested in sex, and more than 40% of Americans 65 to 80 are sexually active, according to a 2018 survey.

 

New treatments for sexual problems

Both men and women can expect normal physiological changes as they age that may affect the way they experience sex. Experts say these changes are not usually a barrier to enjoying a healthy sex life, but couples may have to take more time for arousal.

 

Postmenopausal women, for example, have lower levels of the hormone estrogen, which in turn decreases vaginal lubrication and elasticity. In many cases, dryness can be relieved by something as simple as using a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly. Doctors can offer other remedies for more difficult cases.

 

Men may suffer from impotence or have more difficulty achieving and sustaining erections as their blood circulation slows and testosterone levels decrease. Impotence is also more prevalent in men who have a history of heart disease, hypertension, or diabetes. Now, however, sildenafil citrate (Viagra), vardenafil (Levitra), and tadalafil (Cialis) have aided some older men who weren't helped by other treatments. (Some experts, in fact, worry that these drugs may cause an upsurge in AIDS in people over 50, because they are not likely to take precautions; they urge older people who are dating to practice safe sex.)

 

 

The physical changes that occur with age can give older people a chance to revitalize their lovemaking by focusing more on intimacy and closeness instead of sex alone. Often less preoccupied with performance, they can express their affection and closeness in other ways, such as cuddling, kissing, and stroking.

 

"Sex is being warm and caring; sex isn't just sex," says Christopher Rhoades,* 66, a San Francisco Bay Area college professor who's been married for 18 years. "It feels good to lay next to a naked woman's body."

 

For men, "biology or hydraulics" is the biggest impediment to sex later in life, says Dr. Bortz. "For women, it's opportunity and availability."

 

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The article was just published today ha ha

The Joys (and Challenges) of Sex After 70

Sex can drop off in our final decades.

Jan. 12, 2022

 

 

Even with Viagra, David can’t always have a full erection, but they usually have intercourse regardless; sometimes he has a dry orgasm, where he doesn’t produce enough semen to ejaculate. The missionary position no longer works for them — David has put on weight and would be too heavy. Instead, he often lies behind Anne and puts one leg between hers, the other to the side.

 

They explore and try new things. Last summer they began doing what’s known as edging. During oral sex, David stops just when Anne is on the verge of climaxing. He repeats it a couple of times to build up the intensity before she finally has an orgasm.

 

It’s not surprising that sex can diminish with age: Estrogen typically drops in women, which may lead to vaginal dryness and, in turn, pain. Testosterone declines for women and men, and erection problems become more commonplace.

 

In a 2007 New England Journal of Medicine study of a representative sample of the U.S. population, Dr. Stacy Tessler Lindau, a professor of obstetrics-gynecology and geriatrics at the University of Chicago, and colleagues surveyed more than 3,000 older adults, single and partnered, about sex (defined as “any mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves sexual contact, whether or not intercourse or orgasm occurs”). They found that 53 percent of participants ages 65 to 74 had sex at least once in the previous year. In the 75-to-85 age group, only 26 percent did. (Lindau notes that a major determinant of sexual activity is whether one has a partner or not — and many older people are widowed, separated or divorced.) In contrast, among people ages 57 to 64, 73 percent had sex at least once in the previous year.

 

 

There’s a poignant paradox about older people and sex. As our worlds get smaller — work slows down or ends, physical abilities recede, traveling gets more challenging, friendship circles narrow as people die — we tend to have more time and inclination to savor the parts of our lives that are emotionally meaningful, which can include sex. But because bodies change, good sex in old age often needs reimagining, expanding, for example, to include more touching, kissing, erotic massage, oral sex, sex toys.

 

 

If a man complains of erectile problems, doctors often offer drugs like Viagra and Cialis. But these can have side effects and are contraindicated with some medications. Plus, prescribing them presumes intercourse should be the goal.

 

 

In 2005, Peggy J. Kleinplatz, a professor of medicine at the University of Ottawa and a sex researcher, began interviewing people who have built rich and intimate sex lives. For decades, much of sex research focused on dysfunction. In contrast, Kleinplatz, who directs the Optimal Sexual Experiences Research Team at the university, explores the aspects of deeply fulfilling sex that hold true regardless of other factors: age, health, socioeconomic status and so on. (Her work also includes L.G.B.T.Q. couples, polyamorous couples and people who are into kink and B.D.S.M.)

 

 

Another researcher, Jane Fleishman, the author of “The Stonewall Generation: L.G.B.T.Q. Elders on Sex, Activism and Aging,” told me she sees signs of greater interest in older sexuality from academics, therapists and others who work with older people. She offers sex-education trainings — including about sexually transmitted infections, which have been on the rise among older people — at senior-living communities and to professionals. When I first met her, in 2019, she was invited to only a smattering of places. Now she speaks more frequently at geriatric conferences and at clinical grand rounds in hospitals.

 

There are small inroads in the media, too. Several years ago, the TV show “Grace and Frankie” devoted a season to Jane Fonda’s and Lily Tomlin’s characters creating and marketing ergonomically correct vibrators for older women. And last year, Ogilvy UK created a pro bono ad campaign, “Let’s Talk the Joy of Later Life Sex,” for one of England’s largest providers of relationship support. The campaign features 11 people ages 65 to 85. Five of them are couples — straight, gay — and one is a widowed woman. They sit on a couch in plush white robes. “As we get older, we get more experimental,” one woman says, sitting next to her husband. A man talks about his feet touching his husband’s feet in bed. “It’s moments like that that are important to you, as much as, you know, banging each other’s brains out.”

 

Several years ago, Price approached the founders of Hot Octopuss, a sex-toy company, after finding that their products worked well for aging bodies but noticing that the photos on their home page were of the “young and tattooed,” as she put it. “It was a real sit-up-and-think moment for us,” Julia Margo, a Hot Octopuss co-founder, told me. In 2020, the company, with Price’s help, added a section called “Senior Sex Hub.” It includes resources like videos with Price talking about sex and aging, along with photos of people in their 60s and 70s and Hot Octopuss’s products for people with “older vulvas” and “older penises,” including a penis vibrator that can be used without an erection.

 

For a man named Patrick, too, intimacy and sexuality have deepened over the years, in his case both with his partner and, when it comes to sex, outside his relationship. A retired therapist in his mid-70s, Patrick, who is gay, has been with his partner more than 30 years, and over time they developed a ritual in which they trade off every Sunday: One person gives a massage one week, the other the next, followed by kissing, touching and oral sex. Though Patrick wanted to have anal sex, his partner was no longer interested.

 

So years ago, he posted on a gay dating website for older people, writing that he was seeking men for anal sex. (His partner gave his blessing and took the profile photos.) And now, every so often, his partner leaves the house, and one of a few men arrive for sex. As a gay man, Patrick said, “one of my intentions in life is that coming out is not an event, it’s a process. Every day I try to find a way to come out more.” Having the variety of sex he desires is “my sense of carpe diem. It’s integrating pieces of myself I’ve pushed aside.”

 

One therapist I spoke to, Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, said that some of her older clients also wanted to expand sex by doing something “more edgy.” So Pillai-Friedman, who is a relationship and sex therapist, as well as an associate professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University, began suggesting that they consider role playing and using mild restraints and blindfolds. Those who tried it told her it unleashed a playfulness between them. “When bodies are not cooperating,” as Pillai-Friedman told me, “why not eroticize their minds?”

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/12/magazine/sex-old-age.html
 
The article is quite interesting.
 
Takeaways:
People in a relationship may enjoy a better sex live in the old days.
You should never stop on having sex... (what maybe takes some of the bad remarks of older uncles in saunas)
The shift is more to intimacy than "performance".
 
 
At least we gay men don't have that lube issue like women in the older age, haha (as we are aware of lubricants and their benefits).
 
Enjoy reading.
 
Edited by singalion
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On 1/12/2022 at 12:34 AM, Guest Feverish said:

 

This is a very fluid world and I can't tell exactly what I am thinking even a month or a year later.    So let's stick to the topic for what it is and not steer to much wasy from what is already a very complicated world.

 

On that note,  I would like to ask Steve what his next plan is, as he moved toward his twilight light year of 80 and beyond.  Specifically,  anything that he wished to achieve or make his dream come true, or plan of stay in a community old folks home after having lived a riped age?

 

 

Thank you Feverish.  You are right that this is already a very complicated world.  And it seems that recently it has become much more complicated, and dangerous.  This is the world,  but we as individuals can detach ourselves from such complications as best as possible.

 

What is my plan from here on?  Like the Indian Guru I posted earlier recommended,  I don't have a purpose.  I don't need any purpose.  I live now alone,  I am divorced and I have a nice family of children and grandchildren.  I have a sister who will soon be 83 years old, living also alone in another state.  We are planning for her to come to Houston and live with me.  I look forward very much to this.  She has health problems, but is stable.  When the world returns to normal, we plan to make a trip back to our city of origin, Buenos Aires, to see the old places and visit some family and friends there.  If her health allows, we then want to visit more of Europe, like to Germany where our family came from.  We will care for each other,  and the "old folks community" will be my home with two oldies there.

 

I plan to keep up with my physical activities,  gym workouts and Aikido practice, and spend the rest of the time with intellectual and spiritual activities. Will I continue with my sex tourism?  Perhaps, but somewhat less.  I am not thinking of starting another relationship after the one with my late bf.  But one never knows, ha ha.  I already feel that I have my share of life,  but another 10 or 20 years could be welcomed, if in reasonable health.   I care about my grandchildren, of course,  but in 30 or so years I expect that this whole Universe will not exist anymore for me, so I don't worry  :)  

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On 1/13/2022 at 12:01 AM, Steve5380 said:

And you should know, but you fail to recognize, that I already apologized to InBangkok.  I did it twice,  on PM, apology he rejected, and in the thread  "Opera Queens in Singapore". 

Why do you continue to lie? Clearly because the old age that is the subject of this thread also affects the brain and is affecting your memory. PMs have absolutely no place in the main forum for the simple reason that other readers are unable to read them. That is why they are PRIVATE. But you have decided that you are so self important that you can betray that PM trust.

 

Tell the truth. You never did apologise in the thread. I state again YOU NEVER APOLOGISED. First you wanted me to apologise to you - for what i never really found out. 

 

Eventually after a series of posts you wrote this on 01/01/2021 - "I am willing to apologize for my memory lapse  (in spite of the above post) after you apologize for having called me a liar."

 

In other words, you wanted ME to apologise for stating the truth BEFORE YOU actually apologised to me for involving my partner is a disgraceful post. I responded that I would accept the apology but only unconditionally. You refused, That is fact.

 

So when you allegedly quote what has been written, please stick to actual posts in actual threads and provide dates so they can be checked for veracity.

 

Perhaps it is timely that fading memories have become part of this discussion about old age. For that is surely one of the most worrying facts about becoming a senior, particularly if you are a senior living alone. I suspect some readers of BW are also thinking of this and it is a very good reason for airing the key issues of dementia and alzheimer's. @Steve5380claims to be perfectly ift and healthy. For that i am happy for him. As I am for all who reach that age and are physically and mentally able to look forward to a continuation of a fulfilling life. But what are the red flags that seniors should be worried about - when they reach 78 and not when they are in their earlier years?

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Guest You know who
On 1/13/2022 at 1:21 PM, Steve5380 said:

 I don't have a purpose.  I live now alone,  plan to make a trip back to our city of origin, Buenos Aires, to see the old places and visit some family and friends there.  If her health allows, we then want to visit more of Europe, like to Germany where our family came from.  We will care for each other,  and the "old folks community" will be my home with two oldies there.

 

I plan to keep up with my physical activities,  gym workouts and Aikido practice, and spend the rest of the time with intellectual and spiritual activities.  I am not thinking of starting another relationship after the one with my late bf.  but another 10 or 20 years could be welcomed, if in reasonable health.   

Ya, seems like living on borrowed times and doing all you could, to return to memory lane and appreciate every gone chapter and reminisce tempora lifespan of being mortal in this ever changing world.  Each wave of generations will always be superseded by another, and another and the old waves just dissappeared or evaporated into space.  On that note, don't take everything seriously when under pressure. 

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What I always propagated: 

 

Keep up with social activities and friends until old age, do activities.

Don't sit just at your smartphone and PC and think you socially interact!

 

 

Social isolation, loneliness in older people pose health risks

April 23, 2019

 

Human beings are social creatures. Our connection to others enables us to survive and thrive. Yet, as we age, many of us are alone more often than when we were younger, leaving us vulnerable to social isolation and loneliness—and related health problems such as cognitive decline, depression, and heart disease. Fortunately, there are ways to counteract these negative effects.

 

 

Health effects of social isolation, loneliness

Research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease, and even death.

 

 

People who find themselves unexpectedly alone due to the death of a spouse or partner, separation from friends or family, retirement, loss of mobility, and lack of transportation are at particular risk.

 

Conversely, people who engage in meaningful, productive activities with others tend to live longer, boost their mood, and have a sense of purpose. These activities seem to help maintain their well-being and may improve their cognitive function, studies show.

 

Breaking ground in loneliness research

 

Much of what we know about the causes and effects of social isolation and loneliness comes from the groundbreaking research of the late John T. Cacioppo, Ph.D., former director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago and an NIA grantee.

 

 

Dr. Cacioppo’s research found that being alone and loneliness are different but related. Social isolation is the objective physical separation from other people (living alone), while loneliness is the subjective distressed feeling of being alone or separated. It’s possible to feel lonely while among other people, and you can be alone yet not feel lonely.

 

 

A pioneer in the field of social neuroscience, Dr. Cacioppo passed away in March 2018. His wife and collaborator, Stephanie Cacioppo, Ph.D., continues this work as assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience at the University of Chicago and director of the university’s NIA-supported Brain Dynamics Laboratory.

 

“The misery and suffering caused by chronic loneliness are very real and warrant attention,” she said. “As a social species, we are accountable to help our lonely children, parents, neighbors, and even strangers in the same way we would treat ourselves. Treating loneliness is our collective responsibility.”

 

Although there is more to learn, the understanding of the mechanisms of action of loneliness and its treatment has increased dramatically since scientific investigation began more than two decades ago, according to Dr. Stephanie Cacioppo. Among the novel predictions from the Cacioppo Evolutionary Theory of Loneliness

is that loneliness automatically triggers a set of related behavioral and biological processes that contribute to the association between loneliness and premature death in people of all ages. Research is headed toward the systematic study of these processes across generations, Dr. Cacioppo explained. 

 

 

Understanding the biology of loneliness

Losing a sense of connection and community changes a person’s perception of the world. Someone experiencing chronic loneliness feels threatened and mistrustful of others, which activates a biological defense mechanism, according to Steve Cole, Ph.D., director of the Social Genomics Core Laboratory at the University of California, Los Angeles. His NIA-funded research focuses on understanding the physiological pathways of loneliness (the different ways that loneliness affects how your mind and body function) and developing social and psychological interventions to combat it.

 

 

For example, loneliness may alter the tendency of cells in the immune system to promote inflammation, which is necessary to help our bodies heal from injury, Dr. Cole said. But inflammation that lasts too long increases the risk of chronic diseases.

 

Loneliness acts as a fertilizer for other diseases,” Dr. Cole said. “The biology of loneliness can accelerate the buildup of plaque in arteries, help cancer cells grow and spread, and promote inflammation in the brain leading to Alzheimer’s disease. Loneliness promotes several different types of wear and tear on the body.

People who feel lonely may also have weakened immune cells that have trouble fighting off viruses, which makes them more vulnerable to some infectious diseases, he added.

 

 

NIA-supported research by Dr. Cole and others shows that having a sense of mission and purpose in life is linked to healthier immune cells. Helping others through caregiving or volunteering also helps people feel less lonely.

“Working for a social cause or purpose with others who share your values and are trusted partners puts you in contact with others and helps develop a greater sense of community,” he noted.

 

 

=> Maintain meaningful social contacts and activities with other people, don't stay lonely in your home or just in front of your computer or smartphone!

 

 

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Guest Very Stimulated
On 1/13/2022 at 2:37 PM, singalion said:

What I always propagated: 

 

Keep up with social activities and friends until old age, do activities.

Don't sit just at your smartphone and PC and think you socially interact!

 

 

Propaganda must also befit the time and age in this modern and educated world.   Physical social activities which are not very stimulating is not a good form of interaction.  I have seen old folks gathered together, led by social workers and then asked to perform the most mundane and dumbed stuffs just to pass time.  If internet can help me grow intellectually and provide tremendous amount of entertainment to keep me fully occupied, why do I need to "social interact" for the sake of making the unstimulating people happy?

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On 1/13/2022 at 3:58 PM, Guest Very Stimulated said:

Propaganda must also befit the time and age in this modern and educated world.   Physical social activities which are not very stimulating is not a good form of interaction.  I have seen old folks gathered together, led by social workers and then asked to perform the most mundane and dumbed stuffs just to pass time.  If internet can help me grow intellectually and provide tremendous amount of entertainment to keep me fully occupied, why do I need to "social interact" for the sake of making the unstimulating people happy?

 

Physical social activities and sports would be part of a different post.

 

The point here is: Elderly people should not require to have social workers to "stimulate them" to do physical activities.

 

My parents both join sports groups on their own. In fact they are often that busy that you need to arrange for appointments to be able to talk to them. While I admit, the pandemic has affected their sports program and social activities. To compensate for the loss they did more hiking and walking and some home training.

 

However, you need to look at the mental state of elderly people also. If dementia started, then mundane and dumb stuffs might be appropriate to keep these elderly people busy with something.

 

 

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Loneliness is bad for those who don't know how to spend their time. I've seen those at the void decks with the hollow look, just waiting to die.

But then those who seek peace and quietness in the mountains or seaside villages are the most long lived. They keep busy and healthy or they meditate.

 

But most damaging is the stigma that loneliness is for losers, the weak, the social discards.

That's where those social workers are making those old folks feel useless.

 

I'm staying alone and seldom interact with my peers. I don't feel that I'm lonely or I owe anybody any explanation of how to spend my time. The bottom line is that I'm hale & healthy, youthful looking compared to most of them. I know that the moment there a gathering, they'll do comparisons. I simply smile and look them in the face, "what I have is all in me, not my house, my car, my money and all those things I can't carry with me."

I've been known to have a sharp tongue and quick mind, nobody dares to mess with me though I'm the quiet type. 

In fact most of them think they've achieved and want to enjoy life by letting themselves go, eat good food, have maid and don't do anything the whole day, lazy to exercise, be busybody, buy the best clothes but looking like a fat dumpling wearing them.

Some of them always say they'll go vegetarian but talk only. I said that there are many other aspects of their lives that also need to go "vegetarian" in principle because they over-consume. They don't fully understand me but they also know that if they argue with me then they'll be questioning their smugness. They shut up and I'll ignore them.

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