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For gays who will be seniors one day - A Steve5380 Topic!


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Guest Stimulated
On 1/13/2022 at 5:54 PM, singalion said:

The point here is: Elderly people should not require to have social workers to "stimulate them" to do physical activities.

In Singapore, it has became quite a political move to hassle certain group of "less priviledged" elderly or those staying in small size flat to mingle with similar age group of people.  My mom felt irritated when the social worker kept knocking on our door while she was taking her nap or needed a longer sleep in the morning.  Her days were full doing laundry, cooking simple meal and watching her favourite Korean or Taiwanese TV drama and also tended to various potted plants.   She enjoyed less interaction, and more so with strangers.  Her only interaction is the once weekly visit to the wet market to catch up with regular known people.   To each their own preference.  There should not be any standard protocols to impose on elderly their own preference lifestyle, even though they may seem being alone.  Social worker should spend more time on the paralysed, handicapped or mobile challenge to see what they need and not drag them out into the same to shake a few limbs and call it a day. 

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On 1/13/2022 at 6:28 PM, Guest G2020 said:

Loneliness is bad for those who don't know how to spend their time. I've seen those at the void decks with the hollow look, just waiting to die.

But then those who seek peace and quietness in the mountains or seaside villages are the most long lived. They keep busy and healthy or they meditate.

 

Don't think you can generalise on this.

 

Lone people in mountains or islands start talking to their animals or to themselves... That is their social interaction.

 

If you read the research, maintaining social bonds seems better/healthier than staying on your own alone and it doesn't matter if you know how to spend time as you start to develop negative habits or having mental health issues.

 

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On 1/13/2022 at 6:39 PM, Guest Stimulated said:

In Singapore, it has became quite a political move to hassle certain group of "less priviledged" elderly or those staying in small size flat to mingle with similar age group of people.  My mom felt irritated when the social worker kept knocking on our door while she was taking her nap or needed a longer sleep in the morning.  Her days were full doing laundry, cooking simple meal and watching her favourite Korean or Taiwanese TV drama and also tended to various potted plants.   She enjoyed less interaction, and more so with strangers.  Her only interaction is the once weekly visit to the wet market to catch up with regular known people.   To each their own preference.  There should not be any standard protocols to impose on elderly their own preference lifestyle, even though they may seem being alone.  Social worker should spend more time on the paralysed, handicapped or mobile challenge to see what they need and not drag them out into the same to shake a few limbs and call it a day. 

 

Don't you visit your mom regularly or other siblings? That is considered social interaction also.

 

Actually, you should not be so concerned with social workers going their rounds.

At least they check on the people and their conditions. it is better than nobody looking after (if siblings or children don't care about their old folks) and they don't die from a blood infection after a fall being untreated or trapped in their flats...

 

I m not sure how often the social workers visit elderly people in Singapore.

 

 

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As we live our lives, most of us have goals. Sometimes they change but we usually have some ambition for ourselves. What has surprised me in chatting to some older friends I made at uni is how setting goals seems to tail off as retirement nears.

 

Some years ago I attended our 30th graduation reunion. Since I had lived in Asia for most of my career, I was happy to see some of them again! What surprised me over that week-end was how many seemed to have few goals in place for retirement. Although that was still some years away for everyone, maybe it was not surprising, but I assumed most would have some things they'd like to do once their hectic work lives were over. Most said they were envious that I had been able to travel quite extensively as part of the jobs I had been doing. They added they planned to start travelling once they had reached pensionable age at 65. With the jobs they had been doing, their pensions would have been quite considerable. But few were considering any form of travel outside Europe. I thought that a pity and tried to explain some of the joys of longer distance travel. I know one couple did go to Sydney and stopped over to see me in Hong Kong. Of the rest, I know very little.

 

Another surprise was that those who had married soon after leaving university had divorced and were on second marriages. Perhaps alimony and contributing to children's education meant pensions would not be as high as I assumed. But i suspect that if you reach 70 or later and have no objectives that you still want to achieve, life could get pretty meaningless. 

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On 1/13/2022 at 1:58 AM, Guest Very Stimulated said:

Propaganda must also befit the time and age in this modern and educated world.   Physical social activities which are not very stimulating is not a good form of interaction.  I have seen old folks gathered together, led by social workers and then asked to perform the most mundane and dumbed stuffs just to pass time.  If internet can help me grow intellectually and provide tremendous amount of entertainment to keep me fully occupied, why do I need to "social interact" for the sake of making the unstimulating people happy?

 

Very good points.  There is also much misconception about a NEED to be social.  To seek solitude does not mean that the person doesn't have social skills. After all,  we humans are not such perfect beings that we must be attracted to humans to find fulfillment and enjoyment  ( sex aside, ha ha ).  In an equivalence with the physical body,  those people whom I tell now with enthusiasm that I practice intermittent fasting spending 16 or more hours without eating,  should they think: "poor guy, he lets his body languish for 16 hours without food,  let's go and bring him something to eat" ?  They don't understand that I am happy fasting,  until they eventually, if ever,  try it themselves.

 

The Internet, the movies watched on my TV, listening to music, playing the piano, going to the gym, doing exercises at home, cleaning house, working in the garden, chatting with family and a few friends over the phone,  all this keeps me occupied to the point that I don't know where the time goes that I don't have sufficient of it in the 24 hours of the day.

 

Something new and exciting is coming:  The METAVERSE.  Future services of 3D virtual worlds where one can get immersed with a sense of "being there".   I would like to watch the next Olympics  "being there" in a metaverse,  while sitting comfortably at home.   This may be possible in a decade, and by then I will be old and happy not having to make long travels anywhere.   This metaverse could become a negative addiction for young people,  but for the elderly, the incapacitated, the disabled, this could become a blessing.

 

 

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Guest Stimulated
On 1/13/2022 at 8:55 PM, singalion said:

 

Don't you visit your mom regularly or other siblings? That is considered social interaction also.

 

Actually, you should not be so concerned with social workers going their rounds.

At least they check on the people and their conditions. it is better than nobody looking after (if siblings or children don't care about their old folks) and they don't die from a blood infection after a fall being untreated or trapped in their flats...

 

I m not sure how often the social workers visit elderly people in Singapore.

 

 

Very pronounced when GE draws near.  It was staged or when they need to do survey on household income or asked you to join RC activities and then wanted you to sign document as evidence of their visit (to please their boss behind the scene).  We also encountered rude one, who banged on the door so hard the wall rattled.  Another incident also visited by a few women, explaining to my mom about Government's cash voucher,  and told her not to save but spend it away since she is old.   I find them quite rude.   My mom is not staying alone, she stayed with her son and other family members who visited her regularly.  

 

 

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Guest Stimulated
On 1/13/2022 at 10:16 PM, Steve5380 said:

To seek solitude does not mean that the person doesn't have social skills.

 

 

I disagree.  Solitude is a form of SOCIAL SKILL in my view.

On 1/13/2022 at 10:16 PM, Steve5380 said:

Something new and exciting is coming:  The METAVERSE.  Future services of 3D virtual worlds where one can get immersed with a sense of "being there".

I can't wait to use that gadget to travel, to every gay sauna in the world and watch live activities.  I am sure it will be very stimulating.

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On 1/13/2022 at 8:34 AM, Guest Stimulated said:

I disagree.  Solitude is a form of SOCIAL SKILL in my view.

I can't wait to use that gadget to travel, to every gay sauna in the world and watch live activities.  I am sure it will be very stimulating.

 

You are right.  Good solitude is an ability to be social... with ourselves.  

 

Hopefully by then there will be sites like a new Tumblr that will offer metaverse of gay saunas.  And, who knows how many paid sites will emerge offering "porn metaverse"  :) 

 

And similarly, I will welcome to have metaverse in concert halls and opera houses to listen to performances "live".  

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On 1/13/2022 at 10:16 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Very good points.  There is also much misconception about a NEED to be social.  To seek solitude does not mean that the person doesn't have social skills.

 

 

 

You are confusing loneliness with social skills. Lonelines/ solitude has nothing to do with social skills or whether you have or not have social skills. 

 

Insofar it is irrelevant. 

 

If you meant skills to socialise or better the lack of skills to socialise, that is another story. 

Not everyone finds it easy to make new friends or maintain friendships. The lack of can lead to loneliness. Some even suffer anxiety in groups with strangers or a certain amount of people and don't open up easily. But this issue is not related to aging or an issue of elderly only. You just need to look at various threads here where young gays voice their issues in talking or socialising with others. 

 

But exceeding a certain age people should have learnt not to fear to socialise and get in touch with others. 

 

Certain activity programs offered by various organisations catering to elderly are often quickly taken up (and I m not talking here about Bingo sessions) . 

 

 

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I don't think I confuse loneliness with social skills. 

 

In the first place,  I wrote SOLITUDE, not LONELINESS.  There is a fundamental difference between the two states, which are not even remotely synonymous 

 

In my long life I have learned social skills, yet I also enjoy my solitude.  In doing so,  I am in good company:  myself! :)  Surely Albert Einstein sought a lot of solitude to work on his fundamental theories of relativity.  He didn't research them in a team.  Likewise,  Ludwig van Beethoven didn't produce his masterpieces of music by heading a team of composers. He wrote his music all by himself, in solitude.  The same was true of the majority of master works of intellectual nature, by writers, other composers, and all sorts of scientists.  Solitude is perfectly fine. 

 

If an individual is in solitude, surrounded by POSITIVE thoughts and feelings,  there is nothing wrong with it. 

 

But individuals who are lonely feeling very negative, depressed, defeated, with no self-esteem, hopeless,  they are in a state that is borderline illness, and they may need help.  Although they may not necessarily need to be helped by others, but, if some new awareness and information can come to them,  they may be able to bootstrap themselves out of their loneliness by working on their feelings, little by little regaining a psychological equilibrium. This may bring real change instead of forcing the lonely to mingle with well intentioned people with whom he may not want anything to do. Self-help can be very appropriate for people who act normal and are afraid to let know that they have strong feelings of loneliness, and they feel ashamed of finding help in a shrink.  And the help of shrinks is not always the best help.

 

Solitude can bring some humorous traits.  Is a person who speaks with himself nuts?  It may appear so, and we think of this so often seeing guys apparently doing this, while loudly speaking on their cellphones.  I find myself sometimes speaking with myself.  My elderly sister does the same.  And we are NOT nuts, but perfectly normal,  ha ha.

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On 1/14/2022 at 1:09 AM, singalion said:

You are confusing loneliness with social skills. Lonelines/ solitude has nothing to do with social skills or whether you have or not have social skills. 

 

Insofar it is irrelevant. 

 

 

On 1/14/2022 at 3:45 AM, Steve5380 said:

I don't think I confuse loneliness with social skills. 

 

In the first place,  I wrote SOLITUDE, not LONELINESS.  There is a fundamental difference between the two states, which are not even remotely synonymous 

 

In my long life I have learned social skills, yet I also enjoy my solitude.  In doing so,  I am in good company:  myself! :)  Surely Albert Einstein sought a lot of solitude to work on his fundamental theories of relativity.  He didn't research them in a team.  Likewise,  Ludwig van Beethoven didn't produce his masterpieces of music by heading a team of composers. He wrote his music all by himself, in solitude.  The same was true of the majority of master works of intellectual nature, by writers, other composers, and all sorts of scientists.  Solitude is perfectly fine. 

 

If an individual is in solitude, surrounded by POSITIVE thoughts and feelings,  there is nothing wrong with it. 

 

But individuals who are lonely feeling very negative, depressed, defeated, with no self-esteem, hopeless,  they are in a state that is borderline illness, and they may need help.  Although they may not necessarily need to be helped by others, but, if some new awareness and information can come to them,  they may be able to bootstrap themselves out of their loneliness by working on their feelings, little by little regaining a psychological equilibrium. This may bring real change instead of forcing the lonely to mingle with well intentioned people with whom he may not want anything to do. Self-help can be very appropriate for people who act normal and are afraid to let know that they have strong feelings of loneliness, and they feel ashamed of finding help in a shrink.  And the help of shrinks is not always the best help.

 

Solitude can bring some humorous traits.  Is a person who speaks with himself nuts?  It may appear so, and we think of this so often seeing guys apparently doing this, while loudly speaking on their cellphones.  I find myself sometimes speaking with myself.  My elderly sister does the same.  And we are NOT nuts, but perfectly normal,  ha ha.

 

The point was social skills and not any difference between Loneliness and Solitude.

I think you missed the point.

 

Actually you are digressing from the issue I mentioned namely, that social skills has nothing to do with solitude/loneliness.

 

I objected to your following sentence:

On 1/13/2022 at 10:16 PM, Steve5380 said:

To seek solitude does not mean that the person doesn't have social skills.


Just on a note: in the second sentence of my response post I used both words solitude and loneliness. (see above).

 

Solitude and Loneliness are not far apart.

While solitude just refers to the fact of being alone, loneliness has an emotional component, which includes the emotional result of being alone.

 

On 1/14/2022 at 3:45 AM, Steve5380 said:

In my long life I have learned social skills, yet I also enjoy my solitude.  In doing so,  I am in good company:  myself!

Further, my response was in general terms and not about you yourself.

You cannot assume from your personal state to apply this to all elderly people.

 

 

On 1/14/2022 at 3:45 AM, Steve5380 said:

Surely Albert Einstein sought a lot of solitude to work on his fundamental theories of relativity.  He didn't research them in a team.  Likewise,  Ludwig van Beethoven didn't produce his masterpieces of music by heading a team of composers. He wrote his music all by himself, in solitude. 

 

Your examples on Beethoven are flawed also, because he was not known to suffer from loneliness nor that he was not socialising.

 

Lastly, you have been falling back to your bad habit to retort just for the purpose of retorting.

 

 

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I stand by my earlier statement:  to seek solitude does not mean an absence of social skills.

 

It is a mistake to brand together solitude and loneliness.  This mistake gives solitude a bad name,  since loneliness is something undesirable,  people wrongly assume that solitude is something bad too.  I think that to make a distinction IS IMPORTANT!

 

I wrote that Beethoven worked in solitude,  not in loneliness.  His head must have been too full of music to leave room for any loneliness, ha ha.

 

Usually we live in solitude much more than what we realize.  The majority of us sleep in solitude, unless we have a warm body laying beside us.  We go to the store in solitude, where we are usually surrounded by strangers.  I go to the gym in solitude, although there I chat with other members.  We ride in the bus, the metro in quasi-solitude, since we don't speak with the strangers around. I have spent countless hours working in solitude in my office,  although occasionally being social with my coworkers and going to meetings. 

 

Loneliness, on the other hand, is a feeling that may result from a perception of lack of social skills, or the lack of other people around.  I write "a perception",  because lack of social skills has at its roots insecurity, lack of self-confidence. Social skills come mostly from social interaction.  Anyone who is able to overcome his insecurity and mingle with others will acquire social skills.  And to write something specifically for the topic of the thread:

 

Unless you have some horrible disfiguration, a hunchback like Quasimodo, a crippled body,  there is no reason for shyness or other lack of confidence.  If your image in the mirror is that of a NORMAL person,  you can mingle with others without fear.  Do this early, because social skills will help in becoming one day a senior.

 

Think of rephrasing the 10 Commandments in a more rational way.  Especially the first one.   I had to learn in school the first one in this form (translated from Spanish):

- Love God above everything else.   This should be transformed to a more rational one:

 

- Love YOURSELF about everything else.   Yes,  yourself instead of a god.  For you exist without doubt, compared to what may be only an imaginary figure.  And your existence is what creates the whole Universe for you.  Without YOU,  there is for you no Universe, no God,  nothing!   Our existence is for us personally more important than anything else.

 

Therefore,  without becoming selfish, we should give ourselves the highest consideration. To ourselves in solitude, and also in front of everybody else,  be it the Pope, the Prime Minister, or the cutest and most attractive gorgeous male.  

.

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...... I write "a perception",  because lack of social skills has at its roots insecurity, lack of self-confidence......  Anyone who is able to overcome his insecurity and mingle with others will acquire social skills......

 

.......Unless you have some horrible disfiguration, a hunchback like Quasimodo, a crippled body,  there is no reason for shyness or other lack of confidence..

 

This guy is just old, crazy, senile and stupid.

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Guest Singalioned!
On 1/14/2022 at 2:35 PM, singalion said:

 

 

 

The point was social skills and not any difference between Loneliness and Solitude.

I think you missed the point.

 

Actually you are digressing from the issue I mentioned namely, that social skills has nothing to do with solitude/loneliness.

 

I objected to your following sentence:


Just on a note: in the second sentence of my response post I used both words solitude and loneliness. (see above).

 

Solitude and Loneliness are not far apart.

While solitude just refers to the fact of being alone, loneliness has an emotional component, which includes the emotional result of being alone.

 

Further, my response was in general terms and not about you yourself.

You cannot assume from your personal state to apply this to all elderly people.

 

 

 

Your examples on Beethoven are flawed also, because he was not known to suffer from loneliness nor that he was not socialising.

 

Lastly, you have been falling back to your bad habit to retort just for the purpose of retorting.

 

 

Thanks Singalion for your kind contributuion

 

This thread should be named after you.

You OWNED it

 

Well done;))))))

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On 1/15/2022 at 2:17 AM, Guest Singalioned! said:

Thanks Singalion for your kind contributuion

 

This thread should be named after you.

You OWNED it

 

Well done;))))))

 

I have no problems with @singalion taking ownership of this thread. 

 

Would this not imply that he is a senior,  with plenty of experience to advice about being a senior?  He might not like this! :lol:

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On 1/14/2022 at 2:45 AM, Steve5380 said:

Surely Albert Einstein sought a lot of solitude to work on his fundamental theories of relativity.  He didn't research them in a team.

Yet again you twist the subject. Unlike you, Einstein was not clothed in what you call solitude (and others probably call loneliness). He was twice married. He had three children and he enjoyed a happy home life with a lot of social interaction as the release in 2006 or almost 1,400 previously unpublished letters show. He also enjoyed the company of quite a number of mistresses, as well as of fellow scientific researchers on his many travels out of his country. 

 

And @Steve5380is wrong again in suggesting that Einstein worked alone or sought "a lot of solitude". Indeed of the many with whom he worked on his theory of relativity, the engineer Michele Besso and the mathematician Marcel Grossmann, as well as his first wife Mileva Maric, were especially important. He also consulted regularly with other leading experts of the day including Gunnar Nordstrom, Friedrich Kottler, Adriaan Fokker and Erwin Finlay Freundlich. Later he sought out astronomers regarding his Theory and worked together with them on many experiments. To say he "sought a lot of solitude" and "didn't research them in a team" is a pure rewriting of history to suit @Steve5380's own inaccurate theory. Not a trait uncommon with that poster, unfortunately.

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On 1/18/2022 at 2:23 PM, InBangkok said:

what you call solitude (and others probably call loneliness).

 

From the word meaning angle solitude and loneliness has different meanings, which might be clearer to English native speakers.

 

But Steve often prefers to argue on such word notions instead on the issue or he prefers to retort just not to be seen as if his point was not logic.

 

I agree with you that his points on the artists, scientists are flawed.

 

Would need to consult literature and music experts to reason whether Einstein, Beethoven enjoyed solitude or not.

 

It is natural and common sense that certain artists require solitude and silence to write their books, do their researches or compose a symphony.

But it does not say anything whether they enjoyed the solitude. We are not aware of this.

 

The other point Steve mentioned on solitude and social skills I found rather bizarre.

surely there are people who shy other people or groups because they have a problem to socialise or disgust socialising and prefer to stay loners. But it doesn't say anything about their social skills.

 

If Steve had looked for a good example, then it had been Verdi who avoided social events and only had a few friends.

But we don't know whether it was that he preferred solitude or whether he felt uncomfortable in larger groups?

 

There are people that can manage well being alone and can "entertain" themselves when nobody is around, other people have difficulties if they are alone or fail to get something done.

Surely, Steve, just to prove him right (which he wasn't) digressed from the actual topic which was that not upkeeping social contacts in old age have negative effects on health.

That was actually the starting point of discussion.

 

What it doesn't meant that elderly people should not have their "own" time or enjoy being alone. Nobody ever said that.

But what it was meant for was: Go for social events and social interaction, don't stay alone (in solitude) all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 1/18/2022 at 1:52 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

I have no problems with @singalion taking ownership of this thread. 

 

Would this not imply that he is a senior,  with plenty of experience to advice about being a senior?  He might not like this! :lol:

 

Senior in thinking and experience is surely something not bad!

 

However, I am not yet in the age to take ownership of threads, same as threads just dedicated to me. 😂

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On 1/18/2022 at 1:36 AM, singalion said:

 

Senior in thinking and experience is surely something not bad!

 

However, I am not yet in the age to take ownership of threads, same as threads just dedicated to me. 😂

 

Yes, it is too early for you to be remembered in World History. 😄

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On 1/18/2022 at 12:23 AM, InBangkok said:

Yet again you twist the subject. Unlike you, Einstein was not clothed in what you call solitude (and others probably call loneliness). He was twice married. He had three children and he enjoyed a happy home life with a lot of social interaction as the release in 2006 or almost 1,400 previously unpublished letters show. He also enjoyed the company of quite a number of mistresses, as well as of fellow scientific researchers on his many travels out of his country. 

 

And @Steve5380is wrong again in suggesting that Einstein worked alone or sought "a lot of solitude". Indeed of the many with whom he worked on his theory of relativity, the engineer Michele Besso and the mathematician Marcel Grossmann, as well as his first wife Mileva Maric, were especially important. He also consulted regularly with other leading experts of the day including Gunnar Nordstrom, Friedrich Kottler, Adriaan Fokker and Erwin Finlay Freundlich. Later he sought out astronomers regarding his Theory and worked together with them on many experiments. To say he "sought a lot of solitude" and "didn't research them in a team" is a pure rewriting of history to suit @Steve5380's own inaccurate theory. Not a trait uncommon with that poster, unfortunately.

 

Yes, Einstein was married and had children.  And he may have had a decent social life.

 

SOLITUDE is a state of being that defines the moment,  not the life style.  I also wrote that many of us are in SOLITUDE while we sleep.  Einstein both in his work at the patent office in Bern and during his research of physics must have spent long hours working in solitude clothed in his thinking.  Also the many musicians you have known must have spent hours studying and practicing their instruments in solitude.  Who wants to be around a tuba player while he is practicing? 😄

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On 1/18/2022 at 8:43 PM, Steve5380 said:

I also wrote that many of us are in SOLITUDE while we sleep.

How is it possible to be asleep and not in solitude, alone or whatever? A rather silly point to make!

 

On 1/18/2022 at 8:43 PM, Steve5380 said:

Einstein both in his work at the patent office in Bern and during his research of physics must have spent long hours working in solitude clothed in his thinking. 

You have absolutely no way of knowing that. You are assuming - again. Have you read all of Einstein's letters?

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On 1/18/2022 at 7:59 AM, InBangkok said:

How is it possible to be asleep and not in solitude, alone or whatever? A rather silly point to make!

 

You have absolutely no way of knowing that. You are assuming - again. Have you read all of Einstein's letters?

 

I haven't known Einstein personally.  But I have done technical, intellectual work for most of my life. I was not a theoretical scientist but a developer of technology products and designer of hardware and software.  So I know about the concentration it takes to do useful intellectual work and produce satisfactory results.  This cannot be done properly but in solitude.

 

Ah... I had forgotten earlier...  Most of us pee, poop and shower in SOLITUDE!  :) 

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On 1/18/2022 at 1:29 AM, singalion said:

 

From the word meaning angle solitude and loneliness has different meanings, which might be clearer to English native speakers.

 

But Steve often prefers to argue on such word notions instead on the issue or he prefers to retort just not to be seen as if his point was not logic.

 

I agree with you that his points on the artists, scientists are flawed.

 

Would need to consult literature and music experts to reason whether Einstein, Beethoven enjoyed solitude or not.

 

It is natural and common sense that certain artists require solitude and silence to write their books, do their researches or compose a symphony.

But it does not say anything whether they enjoyed the solitude. We are not aware of this.

 

The other point Steve mentioned on solitude and social skills I found rather bizarre.

surely there are people who shy other people or groups because they have a problem to socialise or disgust socialising and prefer to stay loners. But it doesn't say anything about their social skills.

 

If Steve had looked for a good example, then it had been Verdi who avoided social events and only had a few friends.

But we don't know whether it was that he preferred solitude or whether he felt uncomfortable in larger groups?

 

There are people that can manage well being alone and can "entertain" themselves when nobody is around, other people have difficulties if they are alone or fail to get something done.

Surely, Steve, just to prove him right (which he wasn't) digressed from the actual topic which was that not upkeeping social contacts in old age have negative effects on health.

That was actually the starting point of discussion.

 

What it doesn't meant that elderly people should not have their "own" time or enjoy being alone. Nobody ever said that.

But what it was meant for was: Go for social events and social interaction, don't stay alone (in solitude) all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for supporting my assertion that loneliness and solitude are basically different.

 

Loneliness is A FEELING,  while solitude is A STATE OF BEING.

 

Now,... to know if loneliness or solitude were enjoyed or not,  this is difficult to determine in a person who has passed away, unless he left something written about.  But let's use our reason:  those extraordinary people who excelled in their skill and had to work in solitude to apply it,  wouldn't they have enjoyed the process?   Surely Einstein loved physics, and Beethoven must have been satisfied composing his unique music, which he knew was extraordinary. 

 

I understand that you are not old,  so you cannot personally know, feel, analyze what a senior person thinks and feels.  All you know about old age comes from hearsay.  Maybe one day when you are a senior you will realize that I am right.  Hopefully you do then out of your own experience.

 

There is so much blah blah blah  about how bad it is for old people to live alone.  This is correct all for people, not only seniors, who live in constant loneliness.  And the main argument in the case of old people is that they have disabilities and feeble mind and therefore they may need close assistance, and the lack of it may lead to their death.

 

What you don't know yet, is that old people who remain fully functional and have a good mind ARE NO DIFFERENT from younger people.  They don't need any special attention. They don't need a "loving constant human contact" any more than any young person needs.  What does change as we age is that we become more aware of our feelings, and our friendliness, empathy, compassion develops stronger from our experiences and understanding.  But this does not mean that we need to have always people around us to unload on them our friendliness, empathy, compassion.   

 

And so, I continue writing for gays who will be seniors one day:   If you now see around so many seniors who are bogged down from age,  walking with difficulty, having slurred speech, a facial expression with eyes lost in space,  ( I saw so many seniors like this sitting or laying on benches around Chinatown ), you indeed see what are normal seniors.

 

But there is no need to be "normal", "average".  We are not so normal to begin with, being gay instead of straight. What is important for you is to realize that this "normal" is not a rigid imposition of nature.  And to realize this, it is sufficient to know that there are normal people who escape this sad "normal",  that it is something attainable without superhuman efforts, and to read about how to achieve this exemption from "normal".   The rest is up to you.  Good luck!

.

Edited by Steve5380
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On 1/18/2022 at 11:46 PM, Steve5380 said:

Thank you for supporting my assertion that loneliness and solitude are basically different.

 

Loneliness is A FEELING,  while solitude is A STATE OF BEING.

 

But I said before that was not the crucial point on what I objected, same as I had used both words in the same sentence...

 

The difference is irrelevant to the discussion whether solitude or loneliness is a result of lack of social skills to which I objected.

 

Please refer to my previous posts on this topic.

 

 

As you might be aware, most Roman originated languages don't differentiate between loneliness and solitude.

 

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On 1/18/2022 at 10:50 AM, singalion said:

 

As you might be aware, most Roman originated languages don't differentiate between loneliness and solitude.

 

The difference is irrelevant to the discussion whether solitude or loneliness is a result of lack of social skills to which I objected.

 

 

You surely know the saying: "when in Rome, do like the Romans".   Here our conversation is in English, not a Roman language,  so what is or is not in Roman languages is irrelevant.

 

The discussion is not only whether solitude or loneliness is a result of lack of social skills.  It surely can be a contributing factor. But people without social skills can still avoid solitude or loneliness if they want.  They simply are not so good at socializing,  but they don't need to avoid it.  They don't even need to dislike it. 

 

What is really important, crucial in the topic of this thread is to clearly define what solitude is, and its fundamental difference from loneliness.  This is because so many of our BW peers are concerned about living alone in solitude, thinking that this is the same as "being lonely", something undesirable.   Instead, they should think: "Bless you,  solitude, for allowing me to live in a peaceful, quiet, undisturbed environment, instead of being constantly bothered by a loud complaining spouse and rowdy, loud, disobedient children, all full of needs."

 

Gays like us who live happily in solitude can even enhance happiness with the company of a pet,  a loving doggie who lays down at our feet and looks at us with eyes full of adoration. ( but worry about their vaccinations, anti-fleas, veterinarian visits, dog-food supplies, daily walk outside to poop, etc. )

 

Also, let's remember that solitude is a state of being that does not need to be permanent, but usually is temporary.  A typical life is a combination of solitude and socializing. Individual happiness does not require any fixed proportion of these two components, which should be completely up to circumstances and the wish of the individual.  With my disabled bf always at home I was satisfied,  and now that he is gone I am recovering my happiness being alone again.  It is good to be flexible! 

.

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For gays who are not seniors yet,  one question may be of interest.  What is YOUNG?

 

The Houston Marathon, the 26 mile yearly run, was held last Sunday. 

 

The winner in the women's category was Keira D'Amato, a 37 year old mother of two.  37 years YOUNG

The winner in the men's category was James Ngandu, a 31 year old guy.  31 years YOUNG

 

So, why are guys in their 30s called "uncles"?  I have not known any uncle who won a marathon.  My uncles surely did not!  Now that athletes are following better life styles, their winning ages are rising.  I don't have much hope that winning ages will reach 78,  but on the other hand those of us who have not been obsessed with being athletic winners can perhaps remain mostly young at such an age? :)  

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On 1/19/2022 at 4:52 AM, Steve5380 said:

 I don't have much hope that winning ages will reach 78,  but on the other hand those of us who have not been obsessed with being athletic winners can perhaps remain mostly young at such an age? :)  

Don't try to rewrite the definition of young in the dictionary.

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On 1/18/2022 at 9:14 PM, Guest what??? said:

Don't try to rewrite the definition of young in the dictionary.

 

I wouldn't dare to rewrite anything, I have much respect for the dictionary.  What I see there is:

 

Young (adjective): having lived or existed for only a short time.  Great definition!

 

But... the dictionary does not define what is a "short time".  A microsecond?  A second? A century?  Time is too relative!

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