Lend Or Don't Lend ? Money Matter (Compiled)

[Guest Guest]

Hey Guys, I have a situation here and wanna hear some opinion.

Met someone a month ago and kinda like the feeling (LTR). But he is 8yrs my senior and still wanna me to "take care" of him. He does have certain things attached me but thing kinda happened too fast we had some intimate session. And start to lent $$$ from me & did lent a small amount (couple of hundreds) which make me questioning his faiths. He still club which I don't. I thought ppl in their late 30s should be more mature and responsible. Lately, he ask if can lent him couple of thousands to settle his CC bill. Should lent or not as we barely know each other

[TopChinese]

Lend only if you're prepared not to see the money again. And if you are prepared to take repayment in kind..

Money hurts feelings.

[Guest Guest]

NO! You'll never see your $$$$ again.

[musclechub]

A month is too short a period to trust a person by lending him money,especially few hundreds to few thousands.If the person need it for good use,maybe i'll consider.But if he use it for drinking at the pubs and disco,then no way i'll lend him even a dollar. If you want to risk lending him the money because you like him,then it's better for you to draft a IOU for him to sign and make sure to get his all his particulars.But i still won't lend him the money if i'm you.I may not see the hard earn money again.....Good luck

[Guest Guest]

Run as far as u can...........

[Guest Guest]

Thanks guys.

Even a friend of mine asked not to lent him as those are hard earned saving. But talking to him last night kinda soften my heart .

Hope I make the right decision sigh........

[GachiMuchi]

Help or not is up to you.

But before giving your hard earn monies, let's ponder some questions:-

1. Do you think helping him solve his CC debts will make him more money wise and stop spending like he does?

2. Do you think he will appreciate your help?

3. What happens if he choke up more debts in the future, and turn to you again to help him, what then?

4. Do you think he is sincere in having a serious relationship with you or just because he knows you are "loaded".

5. Did you know how he accumulates the debts? Where and what does he spend all his monies on?

6. How much do you know about him besides knowing his debts status and his partying inclinations?

7. How many ex bf does he have? Why do they break off?

8. Does he use party drugs?

Etc. etc.

Let's hope you can get some answers from the above and it should help you decide if you should or not help.

[inkjet]

i'd recommend you to not give any more loans, but you have to make the right choice yourself. Be prepared that you WILL never see your money again, tho.

[Cool]

Thanks guys.

Even a friend of mine asked not to lent him as those are hard earned saving. But talking to him last night kinda soften my heart .

Hope I make the right decision sigh........

So did you lend him or not? I hope not.

Firstly, I don't think it's right for him to still go clubbing when he has financial difficulties. It's either his character is "enjoy today and solve the problem tomorrow" kind or he is lying. Each clubbing experience will costs at least $30? Cover charges, drinks and taxi fare? So how can he still afford if he has a few thousand dollars debts? Are u sure he is not lying?

[jazz]

Neither a Lender nor a Borrower

I TOTALLY agree with TopChinese :thumb:

If he borrows $ from you, and you agree to lend, you must have the mentally that the $ is GIVEN to him and not a loan. If he returns, it will be a bonus to you. If not, you won't end up having a dispute with him over it.

Having said all these, I STRONGLY DISCOURAGE you to give him $ to go clubbing.

If he can't afford, DON'T go. In his 30s, he ought to have learnt how to manage his own $ and if he has not, he should START NOW.

If you clear his Credit Card Bills, he will NOT learn and very soon you'll find him asking for more. It's a vicious cycle. This is the debt trap, DON'T fall into in. You may soon even find yourself having to do bank overdraft to clear his card bills.

Sorry , I am going to sound harsh...... in short, DON'T BE STUPID.

[jazz]

Each clubbing experience will costs at least $30? Cover charges, drinks and taxi fare? So how can he still afford if he has a few thousand dollars debts? Are u sure he is not lying?

It's credit cards my dear.

That's probably how he chalked up all those credits...... by going clubbing and charging to his credit cards, pay the minimum required. Con't to club and con't to chalk. Soon, the amount is just to large to settle.

He probably have more than 1 card.

That's roll-over the main cause of many bankrupts

[jazz]

But talking to him last night kinda soften my heart .

Hope I make the right decision sigh........

Don't be soften by sweet words..... Even if you ultimately decides to "help" (aka deceided to be used by him), you should ask for the credit card bills.

Sit down with him and work out a repayment programme instead.

Call the bank and ask for a repayment programme.

They will usually reduced the future interest rates and require a fixed minimum payment every month until the card is cleared. During this period, he will probably not be able to use the card.

However, this will affect his credit standing, which may be good for him if he cannot be responsible.

You can then "contribution" partially each month, BUT he should pay the BIGGER share. If it's $300 a month, he pays $200, you pay $100. You should NEVER pay more than him.

He MUST learn how to settle his OWN problem.

[Guest Foolish Heart]

dear threadstarter,

ever wonder with that money, that you can afford to provide him, can be better used for, say:

1. buy your parents a holiday ticket? or

2. buy your family a good meal? or

3. buy an insurance policy that can guarantee for your retirement?

4. etc

5. etc

perhaps, before you consider giving him more, answering to this question might give you a reality check. afterall, the fact that you posted here showed that you have, or already having, doubts and a feeling where you will regret. the question is: Did You Donate To The Recent 'The President's Star Charity'?

if you didnt, save that money and start doing 1 or 2 or 3 ..

you may want to read a similar thread here:

http://bw2.9.forumer.com/index.php?showtopic=1339

to be nice, you dont have to go all the way, just to prove to him that you are a better guy. and hello!, you are his junior!!!!!!! and hello! one's CC debts show a person [bad] credibitlity liow!

dont let your heart fool you, my friend!

regards.

[Guest Wise Up]

Just give some excuses that you are very tight too and not able to lend him any money.

In return try borrowing from him and see his reaction.

He probably will run far far away.

[evianguy]

Hey Guys, I have a situation here and wanna hear some opinion.

Met someone a month ago and kinda like the feeling (LTR). But he is 8yrs my senior and still wanna me to "take care" of him. He does have certain things attached me but thing kinda happened too fast we had some intimate session. And start to lent $$$ from me & did lent a small amount (couple of hundreds) which make me questioning his faiths. He still club which I don't. I thought ppl in their late 30s should be more mature and responsible. Lately, he ask if can lent him couple of thousands to settle his CC bill. Should lent or not as we barely know each other

if you're prepared to be his sugar daddy, then go ahead. surely from your description he's getting a little long in the tooth to be carrying on this 'money boy' routine.

might have worked well for him when he was younger though...

[GuyIntoOralFun]

Before you lend your money, you are the KING. But once you lend your money, you become the BEGGAR having to chase him HIGH AND LOW to return your money.

Unless you set your mind such that once you lend it, you TOTALLY don't care what happens and even if you don't get it back, you are NOT AFFECTED at all, otherwise - don't lend.

My personal experience:

1) They tell you all sorts of reasons for the need of money

2) They give you all types of promises and deadlines to return the money

3) On the day of payment, you will not be the FIRST person they remember, and your payment is NOT the FIRST thing they will do.

The 4 persons I lent to are people I have known for long, and are not those who will default on payment, but har, they all never return on the promised date. I have to go through the phases of:

1) Think hard whether to lend

2) Convince myself they will return

3) Once lent, hope they will honour their promise

4) On the day of repayment, guess why they didn't call and why didn't return

5) Find ways to remind them

6) Then wait again.......

If you don't mind all these and have enough cash, then do it.

Some of them wanted to lend money because they gamble or play shares or over-spent on credit - just imagine this, their moment of folly/fun, we all help him share his problem. He enjoyed first and we shared his suffering later.

Once a guy borrow money from me, but he didn't do his part to cut expense. At home still use HP instead of home phone (his hp bill is $200 plus). Go out makan in restaurants. We, on the other hand, after helped him har, have to cut on our expenses and worry etc. Although in the end I got back my money, but very SHIONG ah...........

This friend of yours - only know you for 1 month already want to borrow money, you be careful hor.............

[MassageFreak]

Hi there,

He has you "hooked" and he knows he has the upper hand. Please be very careful or he will he "SUCK" you dry(I mean your bank account). This is the type of person who knows no shame.

Be strong my dear. Trust me, if you give in once you will give him again.

You should ask yourself:

1. Re-assess this relationship. Are you giving all the time?

2. How long do you think you can sustain this role of a SUGAR DADDY?

3. Is he hanging out too often in clubs on his own? Are you guys spending enough quality time together doing things that BOTH of you enjoy?

4. Are your conversations always about his troubled financial situation? Is he always complaining and "moaning" about how sad his life is? Do you guys ever talk about YOU and your needs?

5. FINALLY. DO YOU THINK HE IS MAKING USE OF YOU? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK HE REALLY CARES FOR YOU?

Please really take some time to think about it. Trust me, you will look back at this episode in the future and kick yourself for it. Don't worry, you are not stupid, everybody will have to face with it one time or another in their life. Just try to think with your head and not too much with your heart.

Whatever your decision, I wish you all the best.

Cheers

[Guest Guest]

so in the end ? got lend or not???

[mature40s]

If you have strike TOTO Group 1 or earns as much as the NTU lecturer (who is involved with the China girl), then all by means be his suggar daddy and shower him with $$$$. When you mentioned that "but talking to him last night kinda soften your heart", I am convinced that your friend has reached a certain degree of professionalism in conning people. He must have "practised" his skills on several others as practise makes perfect. There is also a high possibility that he was a "kept boy" in his younger days as asking for money seems to be his second nature.

[Guest Guest]

since you have post your forum here, your sub consious already have doubt on him. Why don't you follow your basic instinct.

After you reject, you may see the true colour of him.

or maybe he is trying to test you how much you treasure him.

let him know that you are uncomfortable to lend him, your financial situation is quite tight. White lie do help sometime.

[travelite]

encounter similar situation before...

lend once but no return...

another situation with different guy arise

i ask my good friend for advice this time round...

instead of talking me out of the situation

he asked me to lend him that money instead :yuk:

suddenly i woke up my idea

i say no in a nice way to the borrower

and thats the last time i heard from the borrower

and i a few hundred dollars richer :whistle:

[clark]

my experience is : lending out is easy . Taking back is hard.Nooooooooooooooo!!

[Guest Love is blind]

There is a saying "Love is blind" lei....People do crazy thing for love.

[citiguy]

While love is blind, he is not blind what. Even blind people can feel that the guy is obviously out to cheat him of this money and feelings.

What's there to consider? Just throw him out of your life. If this is love then, i rather be single.

[Guest Guest]

Thank you all you guys.

No, I decided not to lent.

Hope I can stand firm against his sweet words

[Guest Guest]

Please be very very firm with yourself.

If possible stay as far as you can away from him.........

Take care................

[Guest Chettiar]

Thank you all you guys.

No, I decided not to lent.

Hope I can stand firm against his sweet words

i hope you find strength and courage, and be true to what you now think and feel.

dont hor, skali he unzip his pants, muack muack you all over, and found your g-spot .. the next thing you bring him to the ATM, and your cheque book is his liow.

wishing you the best in life .. and forget about this guy lah

[Buaya]

Be firm... VERY usually, you will never see the money back... Even if he returns, it will be in small installments and you will never see the end... I am still (slowly) chasing my money back after more than 2 years...

[Guest Guest]

tie him up and fxxk him hard then tell him u not lending

[Riko]

Dude, get a car.

[Guest Guest]

Thank you all you guys.

No, I decided not to lent.

Hope I can stand firm against his sweet words

chances u dun need to stand firm cos he would have given you the cold shoulder liao when you say no to the loan. so let this be a test of your relationship. Chances you are only his ATM.

[inkjet]

i :clap: your decision. never give in though. you're nothing but an ATM and possibly a sex thing to him. Having said that, have more faith in your self and you'll find someone better and worth your time and love. :thumb:

[oralb]

past experienced told me that no matter how good is the relationship, it will strain when money comes into play.

even when you lent him the $ and no expecting him to repay, he will have this guilt feeling of meeting, afraid when you will bring up the return $ issue. in short you downgrade the used to be equal status to one of debtor and debtee.

if he hasnt develop that feeling, he will continue to use you as his convenient ATM like what other's have mentioned.

If you wanted him to return the $, it will be hard to open the mouth, there will never be a appropriate time to ask your $ back.

[Guest wasteoftime]

Why bother with getting advice when the answer is so clear to you and everybody else? The problem is you are likely to act against your best judgment and the wisdom of your concerned online buddies.

The question is not whether to lend or not to lend. The word 'lend' is probably used with the assumption that the money will be returned. In all likelihood, the money will never be returned. The first couple of hundreds went on a one-way street... so will the couple of thousands. The correct question to ask is to give or not to give!

The issue is not how old he is and how capable he should be in managing his own finances. The issue is whether you are blind or you are sighted. The issue is whether you have more sense that this guy. I would say that in all likelihood, you are not any smarter than this chap... maturity and financial-management wise... Yes, you can earn more and you can save more... but at the end of the day... a fool and his money are soon parted... applies to him... applies to you too!

So do yourself a favour... get your eyes checked and go attend an assertiveness course... a course that teaches you to say 'No' and mean it... unless you can't do help being a bottom.

[kyu simon]

Hi Fellas...

Recently I met a guy ( someone in his mid 40s , self-employed ) , we had fun , he said he likes me , he wanted to share his life with me and be with me for the rest of my life. And that was when I knew him for barely 3 days .

He later told me he owes bank about $3k and can't seem to pay back as he only could afford to pay the interests on a mthly basis . Out of impulse , i said i could lend him the money. Now i feel regret ...coz we just started to date each other and money issue is already involved - which should be the last thing to happen ...guys any advice ?

[Freedom711]

Hmmmm Money is a very very sensitive issue....which can kills a relationship if not handed properly....

My five-cent advice is not to lend him the money...though u have verbally promise him .... Frankly speaking u guys only know each other for 3 days...I think normally noone will ever open their mouth to borrow money from someone they know for 3 days unless they have somethin up their sleeves... Jux be frank wif him tat u wun be able to lend him the money and advice him to boro from others....If hes a sensible guy he will understand...if hes not...the most is he jux grumble or act fierce in any sense....

Anyway its jux my advice....I dunno him personally ...maybe hes not like wad i said.

[cock brand]

Hi Fellas...

Recently I met a guy ( someone in his mid 40s , self-employed ) , we had fun , he said he likes me , he wanted to share his life with me and be with me for the rest of my life. And that was when I knew him for barely 3 days .

He later told me he owes bank about $3k and can't seem to pay back as he only could afford to pay the interests on a mthly basis . Out of impulse , i said i could lend him the money. Now i feel regret ...coz we just started to date each other and money issue is already involved - which should be the last thing to happen ...guys any advice ?

I had a similar incident a few years back, only that guy is in his early 30s. After 2 weeks together, he asked to borrow also 3K. I told him I only have 1K to spare, he took it.

About 2 weeks later, he asked if I can spare another 1K. When I refused, he showed 'black face' immediately and later dont even answer my calls. I never got my money back.

For your reference.

[Guest Guest]

that goes your 3K... never lend money to stranger even if you only knew him for few days

[abang]

that goes your 3K... never lend money to stranger even if you only knew him for few days

Not only never lend money to strangers, I have so many bad encounters/experience of lending money to colleagues (family members sick/hospitalised etc) and friends... the money was borrowed in a huge lump sum but return in bits and pieces... I seriously doubt I will be able to recover half the amount (over these past ten years)!

Just tell whoever he is.. I dont lend money as I dont borrow money...

[Guest Clubber]

that goes your 3K... never lend money to stranger even if you only knew him for few days

I won't even lend $100. Unless I know the person for 3 years, I might lend only $100, not more.

Stingy right? I just want to be prudent lor.

[abang]

I won't even lend $100. Unless I know the person for 3 years, I might lend only $100, not more.

Stingy right? I just want to be prudent lor.

I know prudence is a good virtue but sometimes, it is very difficult to reject a request as they were my sub-ordinates and I really wanted them to work efficiently....sigh

[Guest guest]

I won't even lend $100. Unless I know the person for 3 years, I might lend only $100, not more.

Stingy right? I just want to be prudent lor.

i know of a msn friend who is 17 yr old . we have yet to meet. but he wanted to meet upon request to lend him some money to pay his phone bill first. . so wats yr advise?

[Freedom711]

i know of a msn friend who is 17 yr old . we have yet to meet. but he wanted to meet upon request to lend him some money to pay his phone bill first. . so wats yr advise?

Ridiculous.....ask his mum pay for him

[Guest Clubber]

i know of a msn friend who is 17 yr old . we have yet to meet. but he wanted to meet upon request to lend him some money to pay his phone bill first. . so wats yr advise?

Don't meet lor, like that also must teach.

[Guest Guest]

Here's a safe method: Just operate like a pawnshop; you want to borrow money, I want to hold on to collateral, gold pieces, Rolex, valuables; and I will loan you 60% of the current market value. But remember you take the risk if the collateral loses value day by day.

If they said no collateral to pledge, just tell them to loan from DBS, OCBC, UOB or POSB. Case close. Dont waste your time.

[fatguy]

imho....

i strongly believe in the first year of relationship, money shouldn't change hands.

For handphone bills it depends, i guess it's only about $50, maybe you can get him a pre-paid card instead. I mean if he is dam cute, and you hope to get lucky, then why not?

[maturemedium]

Hi Fellas...

Recently I met a guy ( someone in his mid 40s , self-employed ) , we had fun , he said he likes me , he wanted to share his life with me and be with me for the rest of my life. And that was when I knew him for barely 3 days .

Tell him you can't lend him the money.. and see if he still say he wants to be with you for the rest of his life... :whistle:

[maturemedium]

Hi Fellas...

Recently I met a guy ( someone in his mid 40s , self-employed ) , we had fun , he said he likes me , he wanted to share his life with me and be with me for the rest of my life. And that was when I knew him for barely 3 days .

Tell him you can't lend him the money.. and see if he still say he wants to be with you for the rest of his life... :whistle:

[Guest Guest]

always treat the money that you are going to lend out as a write-off

if you are unable to bear the thought of not able to see your money again, don't lend out

as 95% of the cases, you don't get the $$ back

especially for strangers that you've met through the internet

[oralb]

personally i know how money can be a destroyer of friendships, I lent money to a few friends over the years, these are not PLU friends, they are my childhood friends. Other than 1 that acknowledged still owning me money. The rest act as if nothing ever happened. worst still, they started avoiding me fearing that I would ask them for the money, even though I have mentally prepared to write off those loans.

To the thread starter, are you prepared to forgo that 3k altogether? if not, it is better to be upfront to him, and that could be a good way to see whether is that guy in the relationship just for the money.

Also remember there are "professional" borrowers out there, who would find the chance to get money from any sources, be it chatroom to msn. Someone wrote about a 17yo asking for money, before even knowing him personally, he already asked for money, what would happen if a relationship (be it sexual or long term) started?