Long Distance Relationship + What are the struggles faced in a Long Distance Relationship? (compiled)

[azimuth]

It's hard knowing that you cannot see and touch.

[Guest guesr]

love is blind . My best friend fall for a china straight  guy , giving him anything he want , even to the extent of giving  him 600 sing dollars for allowance during the 4 days  trip in china,As a best friend i dont  think i can inervene in his affair.Cause is a sensitive  subject when u  tell him the  bad  point of falling for a straight guy.. Maybe  sometime ppl have to learn  from mistake he made.. Have hint him many time   but because he love him so much he can even break up the best friend relationship  for his  china so call bf.I believe  few months later  this china boy will ask him to transmit  more money to him  with many reasons.

[Guest Guest]

Not sure if you call this a long distance relationship. He is in Sembawang I am in Holland V. Quite far to see each other. I travel and away a lot for months often. So we maintain our communication by sending each other texts many many times a day....to say good morning, what we do, how we miss each other, when we go out, who with, when we jerk off, how long it takes, how many squirts, who we thought of when jerking off, we often fight online, then we make up, then we fight again, we tell each other we miss you a few times a day, and we say good night before we go to bed. This has been going on for 6 months and it is still going strong. When we are together we go crazy sex wise with each other, sometimes a few times a day until his legs are weak! When we go away on trips, he does not let me sleep as he would hug me tightly the whole night and suck my cock whenever he is awake to make me hard. Then when I fall asleep and go soft, he wld suck it and make me hard again. This goes on the whole night when we are together. He says he is training my cock to build up more cum so when I finally shoot my load, it is a lot and he loves to lick every drop up. I kinda think it is long distance bec I am away a lot. Hopefully it works as at the moment I kinda miss him, being now alone in the room writing this!

[Muscleanstr8btm]

Well, it is hard for me. I broke up with my partner last month. Not only because we were separated by distance but because I can't help by leaving him alone. I love him and I want him to be happy. We still keep in touch with each other and he already dating another guy.

[cutejack]

if u ask me if love n sincerity n discipline is in every individual ajs, distance or whatever reason is not an issue.remember the word true LOVE

[Guest Neh Neh]

Long Distance + Long Time Interval No See = Relationship Die Fast.

Long Distance + Short Time Interval No See = Stronger Relationship Last for Years.

The fact is "Distance does not matter, Time is".

[cutejack]

aiyah stay under one roof n see everyday also r/s die liao le.y?bcoz have fun with other guys in raffles ct.hahaha...so my point of view.love yr partner deeply,have self discipline ,yr partner in moscow n u r in spore, still can maintain one.lol

[alex.chan]

BF is leaving to study for 3 years. Though I love him a lot, his physical absence will really pain me. Wonder if I can make it through these 3 years.

[Jsoo6868]

Really challenging for LDR... But in the same house n same room does it not challenging to u guys ... I been tried but failed to me for both ... But I still believe for LDR... All the best to u guys

[Daniellaniel]

there still a hope ... maybe

[Guest jeff]

Self discipline n faithful can maintain the r/s although lust is in us.sex can b done anywhere n anytime with anyone but love is always with the only one.dont worry.tc

[players02]

Saw this thread and thought I'd share my story too.

 

I am in a long distance relationship with a boy who I met on a international chatroom (he's from USA). We have been together for almost 3 years but we seem to communicate lesser (one text a week).
 

He is starting college (7 years younger) and says he's busy with school and family. I trust him but I don't understand why it is a problem for him to communicate with me on a more regular basis. I'm not even asking for everday texts. I am happy if I can communicate with him at least once a week and in long conversations (about how the week went etc etc).

Half of me feels like giving up on the relationship because I am hurting myself like this and also because (being in a LDR) I want someone who is there for him, physically and not just mentally. The other half of me feels like making do with the current situation and wait for him to make a move (be it to start becoming more active in the relationship OR to break it off).

 

Wonder if there are others like me.


 

Edited October 6, 2015 by players02

[Guest wozzit]

I trust him but I don't understand why it is a problem for him to communicate with me on a more regular basis. I'm not even asking for everday texts. I am happy if I can communicate with him at least once a week and in long conversations (about how the week went etc etc).

 

Apart from the physical separation for long periods, I suspect lack of compete trust is what kills most LDRs. When the regularity of communication drops, concern breeds fear which breeds suspicion which breeds . . . U know how it goes.

 

Long time ago I met a guy in Taiwan n immediately we liked each other a lot. I dont think either of us wanted a relationship. It just happened. Because I had regular business there n he was able sometimes to come to HKG we met every 3 weeks or so. For a few months he was able to live with me n each year we went on long distance holidays together. Although we never intended it to last it just became too difficult to part. We continued this way for five years before agreeing we had to part. For about a year we had realised it was getting more n more difficult n unfortunately neither of us was prepared to relocate. So it just slowly ended. Neither of us were really sad by then n we still remain very good friends. But unless two guys in an LDR can be together quite regularly I cannot see it working except in the short term.

[players02]

Apart from the physical separation for long periods, I suspect lack of compete trust is what kills most LDRs. When the regularity of communication drops, concern breeds fear which breeds suspicion which breeds . . . U know how it goes.

 

Long time ago I met a guy in Taiwan n immediately we liked each other a lot. I dont think either of us wanted a relationship. It just happened. Because I had regular business there n he was able sometimes to come to HKG we met every 3 weeks or so. For a few months he was able to live with me n each year we went on long distance holidays together. Although we never intended it to last it just became too difficult to part. We continued this way for five years before agreeing we had to part. For about a year we had realised it was getting more n more difficult n unfortunately neither of us was prepared to relocate. So it just slowly ended. Neither of us were really sad by then n we still remain very good friends. But unless two guys in an LDR can be together quite regularly I cannot see it working except in the short term.

 

Dear wozzit, thank you for your insightful post.

 

We have never met each other so there was no physical part to start with. I trust my partner a lot and this is true when I say that though our communication isn't regular, I never once thought or had the idea in my head that he was cheating so I guess that can speak for how much we trust each other and respect each others privacy.

 

What I do think though, is why (in year 2015) does he not use social media or use his phone more often like others (I guess one reason is because he is that special). WhatsApp messages does get sent to his phone but he doesn't open the app till a week later or so.

 

Thank you for sharing.

[players02]

I have since broke up with him. You were right and I had to accept the reasons as they are facts.

[Guest GoingtoLDR]

About to get into LDR . Thos in LDR , How often do you meet your partner ? How do you feel every time you met him? 

[Guest LDR]

Meet every 3 months . damn excited every time meeting . 

[Guest Another guest]

Same. Once every three months.

[Guest guest zzzz]

Once or twice a year lol. I got used to it after one year and daily communication definitely helps.

[angsanaboy]

how do u get over the lack of meeting up ... the issues of trust and fidelity? meeting up once a month to me seems bad enough 

[melvinlam90]

36 minutes ago, Guest GoingtoLDR said:

Anyone can share ? Not prepared for LDR HOW ? 

How can you be prepared for LDR? This is not like going for a competition where you can practice you know. Talk to your partner/potential partner and work something out. Every couple is different

[Guest W73]

Few years ago, I took up a job overseas and with the new found freedom of being in a place where no one knew me, I went out and met people.

 

So I met this guy, we got along well and kind of starting dating. He is everything I could ask for, he was understanding, really cared for me. We've been together for a couple of years.

 

Unfortunately, my career didn't turn out the way I hoped it would and I'm at the point where I have to move back home again.

 

So now I really don't know what to do. We tried talking about it, and he is always assuring me that he will be in touch with me. But I see no end if we attempt a long distance relationship. As it is very unlikely that he can move to where I am, and I don't know if I will be able to come back here again.

 

I do love him, but I really don't know if it is enough. (As if being gay isn't hard enough, we still have to add long distance into the mix?) Should I even attempt this long distance? But for how long? Or should I just end it now because I cannot even imagine how will it even work out...

 

What do you all think?

[auscent]

Why not give it a specific period of time? Then test out what can be reasonably done to sustain relationship?

[Guest bao]

I knew him a few months ago. We have a very good chemistry in last few months. I felt very sad when I told me he will further study in next 5 years. We went travel tgt recently. We had a lot of fun (as in morning kiss, joke. Don't have sex as i love him not because of sex) throughout this trip. We bath tgt and kiss. I think it was quite clear he know that i love him so much. He did tell me that "he not sure if he shall commit for time being as he will go oversea soon". 

 

Question:

Shall I continue ? or just let him goes. 

 

if we are tgt, we will have a long distance relationship. Mind to share your tips for maintaining the long distance relationship. Thank you

[ctglobal]

honestly, it is what it is but let him go.  LDR usually doesn't work out well and you may burn years of your life in yearning for some figment of your imagination when you could get a proper partner in real life. 

[Guest Putuminalabi]

On 6/2/2018 at 12:46 PM, Guest bao said:

I knew him a few months ago. We have a very good chemistry in last few months. I felt very sad when I told me he will further study in next 5 years. We went travel tgt recently. We had a lot of fun (as in morning kiss, joke. Don't have sex as i love him not because of sex) throughout this trip. We bath tgt and kiss. I think it was quite clear he know that i love him so much. He did tell me that "he not sure if he shall commit for time being as he will go oversea soon". 

 

Question:

Shall I continue ? or just let him goes. 

 

if we are tgt, we will have a long distance relationship. Mind to share your tips for maintaining the long distance relationship. Thank you

People always said international relationship is a gone case and one need to forget and move on.  I bet to differ on such harsh comments.  Here are few solutions:-

 

1)   Let him go sexually, but not forget the friendship.

2)   Maintain an open relationship,  he is allowed to find his permanent partner but still maintain the sexual bond with you if opportunity arises.

3)   Follow wherever he goes (read:  Immigration opportunity, work permit, green card, long term travel buddies to wherever both your hearts bring...etc)

4)   Continue to bond with whatever hi-tech available, skype, email, whatsapp, video conference,  cam chat...etc) update each other constantly on opportunity, life's routines.

5)  Regular visits twice a year to bond, taking break and hopefully get married (if that country allows gay marriage)

6)  Clear break (last resort on valid reason), moves on.

 

 

[Guest bao]

On 6/3/2018 at 6:50 PM, Guest Putuminalabi said:

People always said international relationship is a gone case and one need to forget and move on.  I bet to differ on such harsh comments.  Here are few solutions:-

 

1)   Let him go sexually, but not forget the friendship. 

No doubt, every men will need it though he said he don't like Caucasian. I did tease him walk nakedly around the hotel room during the trip.

 

On 6/3/2018 at 6:50 PM, Guest Putuminalabi said:

2)   Maintain an open relationship,  he is allowed to find his permanent partner but still maintain the sexual bond with you if opportunity arises.

Maybe

 

On 6/3/2018 at 6:50 PM, Guest Putuminalabi said:

3)   Follow wherever he goes (read:  Immigration opportunity, work permit, green card, long term travel buddies to wherever both your hearts bring...etc)

Unlikely

 

On 6/3/2018 at 6:50 PM, Guest Putuminalabi said:

4)   Continue to bond with whatever hi-tech available, skype, email, whatsapp, video conference,  cam chat...etc) update each other constantly on opportunity, life's routines.

5)  Regular visits twice a year to bond, taking break and hopefully get married (if that country allows gay marriage)

6)  Clear break (last resort on valid reason), moves on.

Will do

On 6/3/2018 at 6:50 PM, Guest Putuminalabi said:

 

 

Thank you for your suggestion. the easy route always don't work for me. Will try my luck ! 

[Guest bao]

On 6/3/2018 at 5:39 PM, ctglobal said:

honestly, it is what it is but let him go.  LDR usually doesn't work out well and you may burn years of your life in yearning for some figment of your imagination when you could get a proper partner in real life. 

Mind to share your experience ? 

[ctglobal]

Just not worth it IMHO. Didn't work out in my case and the guy and I were actually quite into the relationship for the first few years, but inevitably grew apart.  Sounds like your guy already a bit ambivalent on you and set on his future goals.  Nice romance while it lasts, but be clear to yourself: this is not likely to work as a partnership thing.

[Steve5380]

I like Guest Putuminalabi's suggestions.

Maintain and cultivate the long distance friendship+ without problems,  BUT

respect YOUR and HIS right to make new experiences in the meantime.

You should not put your life, and he his, on hold with so little justification.

The continuing relationship should not have a high cost, 

don't have much expectations that it will lead to something,

but the probability is always there.

[auscent]

Alternatively try 1 year. See if u guys can sustain beyond. If too difficult u know the answer.

T care.

[Guest InBangkok]

It's important to recognise that not all long-distance relationships are the same. I once had one with a Japanese and we were able to meet every month for 2 or 3 days. He also came to spend a 2-week holiday with me. We were relatively close in age and had talked about his coming to live with me. Six months later,  after I had flown to spend another of my long weekends with him, he met someone else. I only met him one more time when he assured me of his undying love! Never saw him again.

 

I also had a longer 5-year relationship with someone living much closer, but still in another country requiring flying to get there. Sometimes we met almost twice a month. We also travelled to Tokyo, Paris, Italy and Bali for our anniversaries. But unless there is a possibility that you can actually live together, I am now convinced long distance relationships are both too much a strain on your wallet (all that flying to meet up) and your mind. No matter how loving, if he is not with you the mind tends to wander. What if he has met someone else? How can I handle not seeing him again? And on and on it goes.

 

So if the OP's friend is young and is going to be a long distance away, like in the UK or USA, for five whole years, my advice is simple - put the idea of a relationship out of your mind. Keep him as a friend if that works. But recognise that every young guy has hormones raging around and he is 99.99% certain to meet another guy where he is studying. No matter how close he feels to you, he will probably turn to that other guy and develop a strong relationship with him. To expect someone to wait six to twelve months between meeting  and then a total of five years before you both can be together full-time is just completely unrealistic - sorry to say it.

 

 

[lonelyglobe]

LTR in the same country already so difficult let alone oversea? Which country? if is somewhere near like perth, then maybe still can visit each other often but if is Europe or US, then can forget about it as the saying goes "long pain might as well short pain".

 

5 years later, his thinking and everything will change due to his oversea exposure and so would yours. No harms to remain in contact but don't carry any hope, "the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment"

[Guest bao]

25 minutes ago, lonelyglobe said:

LTR in the same country already so difficult let alone oversea? Which country? if is somewhere near like perth, then maybe still can visit each other often but if is Europe or US, then can forget about it as the saying goes "long pain might as well short pain".

 

5 years later, his thinking and everything will change due to his oversea exposure and so would yours. No harms to remain in contact but don't carry any hope, "the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment"

yes. It is US. 

[Guest bao]

1 hour ago, Guest InBangkok said:

It's important to recognise that not all long-distance relationships are the same. I once had one with a Japanese and we were able to meet every month for 2 or 3 days. He also came to spend a 2-week holiday with me. We were relatively close in age and had talked about his coming to live with me. Six months later,  after I had flown to spend another of my long weekends with him, he met someone else. I only met him one more time when he assured me of his undying love! Never saw him again.

 

I also had a longer 5-year relationship with someone living much closer, but still in another country requiring flying to get there. Sometimes we met almost twice a month. We also travelled to Tokyo, Paris, Italy and Bali for our anniversaries. But unless there is a possibility that you can actually live together, I am now convinced long distance relationships are both too much a strain on your wallet (all that flying to meet up) and your mind. No matter how loving, if he is not with you the mind tends to wander. What if he has met someone else? How can I handle not seeing him again? And on and on it goes.

 

So if the OP's friend is young and is going to be a long distance away, like in the UK or USA, for five whole years, my advice is simple - put the idea of a relationship out of your mind. Keep him as a friend if that works. But recognise that every young guy has hormones raging around and he is 99.99% certain to meet another guy where he is studying. No matter how close he feels to you, he will probably turn to that other guy and develop a strong relationship with him. To expect someone to wait six to twelve months between meeting  and then a total of five years before you both can be together full-time is just completely unrealistic - sorry to say it.

 

 

thank you. 

[auri]

In this case, I would agree with most of the above comments.

You have only known each other for a few months.

He is not sure whether he wants to commit.

And five years is way too long.

Truly, short term pain is better than long term.

[Guest Roy76]

My bf in Singapore while I now relocated in the US. We see each other twice a year. Such a sacrifice.

[Dart]

I do not believe in long distance relationship 

[islando]

6 years of LDR (7 hours time difference) here and on-going. The key is communication, communication, communication. Keep things transparent with each other and don't be too clingy.

[Dart]

Haha ... @fab perhaps you can prove me wrong 

[Guest Blank]

On 4/19/2015 at 2:12 PM, Guest guesr said:

love is blind . My best friend fall for a china straight  guy , giving him anything he want , even to the extent of giving  him 600 sing dollars for allowance during the 4 days  trip in china,As a best friend i dont  think i can inervene in his affair.Cause is a sensitive  subject when u  tell him the  bad  point of falling for a straight guy.. Maybe  sometime ppl have to learn  from mistake he made.. Have hint him many time   but because he love him so much he can even break up the best friend relationship  for his  china so call bf.I believe  few months later  this china boy will ask him to transmit  more money to him  with many reasons.

Then you're not his best friend. You're just another friend. 

[Guest Blank]

Ltr sure break up eventually. This is inevitable.

 

Those who say won't is because your relationship is exceptional. Many relationship is formed because we get to see each other, kiss, hold hands. Distance plays a huge role. 

 

Imagine your parents are in Ltr, do you think they will still be together or go separate ways? Even friends or excolleagues will slowly go apart for the same reason. Out of sight out of mind. 

[fab]

57 minutes ago, Dart said:

Haha ... @fab perhaps you can prove me wrong 

 

The sad icon means I agree with you.

 

Unfortunately.

 

 

[LeanMature]

On 7/28/2019 at 5:49 AM, islando said:

6 years of LDR (7 hours time difference) here and on-going. The key is communication, communication, communication. Keep things transparent with each other and don't be too clingy.

 

And 6 years of celibacy ?

[Guest hiker]

I'm in an LDR with a Malaysian guy living in KL. (I'm Singaporean) Before Covid we used to shuttle between SG and KL (I go to KL once a month, he goes to SG once a month too, so we spend 2 weekends per month together). When he's in SG I'll be the one cooking and when I'm in KL he'll take me hiking. Was considering to relocate to KL this year or next but looks like this year seems impossible with covid.

 

Now that SG & MY borders are closed, we haven't met for a long time. Trying to do video calls as much as possible (was doing this also but has stepped up the frequency) but probably feel different because we used to see each other physically more often before. Though I do feel bad for folks who are separated by an even longer distance and wider time difference.

[Guest squats]

out of sight out of heart 

 

 

[Guest Reft]

The fare. It would cost around 30-40 sgd to travel from Tuas to Punggol