I Had Sex Recently - I Am Worried About Catching Stds / Hiv / Infection (Compiled)

[Guest Troubled]

Hello fellow BWers,

would just like to ask: how do you satisfy your needs while maintaining sanity??

I'm just a simple guy who's closetted.

My family and friends are unaware of my orientation, and most of the time I'm straight-acting.

For years, I turned to online pleasure to satisfy my urge, but as time go by, I'm curious to enjoy the world.

Eventually I stepped into a sauna. And even then, I restricted myself from having anal sex. (mostly purely kissing , hugging and at most bj)

I'm not sure if it's my concious getting the better of me, but ever since my visit to the sauna, I have been constantly paranoid over whether I am HIV positive. It does not help that the sign and symptoms of HIV are largely similar to that of many other common diseases. I tend to loosely associate any small illness I have with HIV, just a simple fever from a cold would make me panic and worry over if I am potentially HIV positive.

The only way to end this is to get myself tested.

But I asked myself, if I am tested negative (hopefully), what's to stop myself from visiting such places (saunas)????

Which leads to my original question

How do you satisfy your needs, yet not feel guilty or be overly paranoid over it??

[mamemo]

up rep you DoingMoar!! Wise words from a 18 yo boy!!! claps claps!

[Guest tyjl]

Worry then go test....

Without anal or even anal with condom also won't easy to get lo....

Kissing and blow job won't get la unless u have ulcers or gum bleed... But all tat not high risk.... U wan to satisfy ur needs then dun anyhow or any guy also grab lo..... Or can just mutual jerk.... Haha...

[briax]

Hello fellow BWers,

would just like to ask: how do you satisfy your needs while maintaining sanity??

I'm just a simple guy who's closetted.

My family and friends are unaware of my orientation, and most of the time I'm straight-acting.

For years, I turned to online pleasure to satisfy my urge, but as time go by, I'm curious to enjoy the world.

Eventually I stepped into a sauna. And even then, I restricted myself from having anal sex. (mostly purely kissing , hugging and at most bj)

I'm not sure if it's my concious getting the better of me, but ever since my visit to the sauna, I have been constantly paranoid over whether I am HIV positive. It does not help that the sign and symptoms of HIV are largely similar to that of many other common diseases. I tend to loosely associate any small illness I have with HIV, just a simple fever from a cold would make me panic and worry over if I am potentially HIV positive.

The only way to end this is to get myself tested.

But I asked myself, if I am tested negative (hopefully), what's to stop myself from visiting such places (saunas)????

Which leads to my original question

How do you satisfy your needs, yet not feel guilty or be overly paranoid over it??

Based on the limited information you are providing here, you are not paranoid over the HIV infection. You are feeling ashamed of your sexual activities with men, which is unfortunately quite common among people who are working on their own sexuality. Doing HIV testing is merely your way of fixing part of the guilt resulted from your self non-acceptance. It is like taking a painkiller for headache when you are actually having migraine. You will continue to repeat testing if you do not realise what you are up against.

It might be useful to understand where you are at your identity. You can read up on Stages of Gay Identity Development on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cass_Identity_Model. You may fall between sexual comparison and tolerance stages. Note, use this for basic understanding and not self diagnosed. Being gay is not being sick nor it can be understood by a model. Each of us takes a different journey.

What you also need to realise that being sexually active with another man is part of your learning/expression of your sexuality. At present, going to saunas is your current solution where you can be in touch with your true self. Once you are able to reconcile this physical need and your sexuality, you will feel less paranoid with what you are doing.

May I also add that being sexually active with men does not always help you to understand if you are gay or bisexual. You can be gay and not be sexually active. Some people do not see the need for anonymous or casual sex and they find learning easier by interacting with other gay men non sexually.

Whatever you are doing, do make sure while you are exploring, take safer sex precaution. Always use a condom. You want to keep it fun, safe and without the burden of coming out to your family when you are forced to do so because of any sexually transmitted infections. You can save yourself from long term complications to your health.

Lastly, I should invite you to call our hotline or use our email counselling service if you need to talk more.

Oogachaga Anonymous Hotline 626 86 626

Tues to Thur 7 to 10pm

Sat 2 to 6pm

CARE email counselling on www.oogachaga.com/care

You can find out more about Oogachaga on www.oogachaga.com.

cheers...Bryan

Edited August 12, 2011 by briax

[SwimVibe]

Hi guys, although the chances of getting HIV from a blowjob is low, make no mistake that receiving blowjob from a HIV+ person who happen to have a sore or ulcer in his mouth, can transmit his HIV virus to you too even if you did not blow him. His sore or ulcer might bleed during fellatio and your penis come into direct contact with that. There will always be some irresponsible HIV+ person who wouldn't care less about transmitting their virus to others even if they may be having a sore or ulcer in their mouth, so long as they get to suck that piece of meat of other innocent party. These are mean and freaking irresponsible creatures.

It is really up to everyone's own & social responsibility.

If you got a sore or ulcer in your mouth, best not to blow others just to keep yourself or others safe. (Some ppl don't know they are already infected with HIV and continue unsafe XXX or bj for others)

Also, coming into contact with HIV+ semen when you have even the slightest broken skin, be it on your fingers, chest, leg, arm or wherever, means that the HIV virus in the semen is coming into direct contact to your bloodstream, so you might get infected too. I know some love to receive the "fountain of blessing" from others on their face, chest, at the back etc. Make sure you are all well b4 engaging in jerking off for others or whatever.

[Foreign Talent]

OK a lot of you guys have already given this guy some excellent advice but I will just add a little bit more.

If you are worried about contracting HIV through casual sex, then you should take the onus to read up on the issue, find out more about how HIV is transmitted. There is so much information out there and you can always get in touch with someone like AFA or Ooogachaga in Singapore if you want to make sure the information you are reading is accurate.

The more you know about HIV, the more in control you will feel when you have sex because you will know what is safe and what is not.

Think about it - a person who has never taken a driving lesson before is probably terrified the first time he gets behind the wheel of a car for his first driving lesson because he thinks, "what if I press the wrong pedal and crash into someone?"

Whereas a very experienced driver feels completely confident, driving at high speed down the expressway - knowing he knows exactly how to control his car. So you see, it's not the car - it's the driver who determines how safe the driving is.

Likewise, when it comes to sex, it's the person having the sex who determines just how safe or dangerous the safe he is having.

Hence by that token, please empower yourself by reading loads of safer sex information on HIV awareness and prevention. And stay away from the bullshit that the religious organizations are putting out. Please go to someone like Oogachaga who will give you the most accurate advice on safer sex in a safe and supportive environment.

[Guest juzaskin]

Hello , just would like to seek some advice from the more experienced members here. I just had sex in a sauna with a stranger. He came inside me , but he was wearing a condom. I double checked the condom after the sex to see if there were any tears or leakage, there don't seem to be any. Should I still be worried? Thanks hope to hear some advice..

[descca]

Since its already done, isn't it abit too late to start worrying?

Anyway, i don't think its so easy to get STDs etc de la so don't worry urself so much.

[Guest AFA]

Don't worry too much , it will drive you nuts, if you are vicilitating between did he or didn't he ? It will also make you sick , like imagining all kinds of symptoms suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Trust me , I 've been where you are now, just carry on with life like normal, just wait three months before going for your first HIV test with Action For Aids Singapore, call their hotline and they have a ready and trianed counsellor to answer all your questions and doubts.

After six months go for your second test, .

On a positive note, you can totally ignore this part until you have a confirmed diagnosis I year later, people with HIV nowadays live a normal fulfilling life for at least ten years and up to twenty years , before returning their IC to NRD.

So stop obsessing about it , it will drive you nuts and raise your heart rate and blood pressure. Call AFA hotline and talk to a caring counsellor.

IT is no point , talking all about the possibille ways of being infected by your current encounter with a total stranger.

[Guest juzaskin]

As in he had protected sex with me, and i did check the condom to be sure and there dun seem to be any tears or leakage. So i am wondering shld i still be worried or its ok? Thanks for the replies tho

[Friendly]

Good News You are Safe 99.99 percent i would say.. Just go on with your life.. nothing to worry about. AFA have says a little too much i would say.. Its like if i ask you... do you think your blood sugar is high..not sure.. go check it out.. hello... how high is my blood sugar support not to be.. ? What is the meaning when they say its safe sex when even using a condom is not consider safe then what.. get a life. i would say.. so don worry..just live your life normal..

[Guest juzaskin]

Thank you Friendly..I am still quite immature in these matters....You are a very kind person. Btw, can i get to talk to u more? As in more of a platonic nature..sorry i am havin a pretty rough day..

[Foreign Talent]

Hi juzaskin, if you need someone to talk to - have you tried Oogachaga? They have a helpline and counselling sessions - so you can choose to either call them on the phone or arrange an appointment to meet a counselor. They provide an excellent, free and confidential service to support people like you.

http://www.oogachaga.com/

[Guest Guest]

some ppl said saliva can kill off Hiv itself. if a giver has Hiv n that he has cut in his mouth, wouldn't his own saliva kill off any Hiv that leaks from the cut?

[magicar]

totaly agree with friendly

[gamcubmelb]

Hey juz... the fact that you used a condom is great (that's the first step). That there is no tear, if great too.

The point of using condom is for protection so that you are as safe as you can be without worrying everytime.

It doesn't matter if he cums inside or not, it's protection from the very act itself (which can be abrassive).

However, do remember it IS easy to get std, however, using condoms and lube do minimise the risks somewhat. Always use them eh> all the best.

And like Friendly said... check with ooga too

Edited October 3, 2011 by gamcubmelb

[Guest Sex]

Guess u will be safe based on what u have described.

After u let a stranger cummed inside u with condom, u kinda wondering why u want to do that. NOt to pour a cold water here. I would advice u think thrice the next time u do it again.

Safe sex doesn't mean sex with condom only but more importantly have regular diseases free and drugs free partner.

[Guest Cw30]

Google "dsc clinic " and get a test if u are still worried. This is also a good chance for u to know the impt of safe sex and where u check urself

[Guest juzaskin]

Thank you very much for the replies and advice given. Actually the guy was a Caucasian and his eng wasn't v gd so we had some communication difficulties . I guess that given the feedback , I am most prob safe but I will still go for check up at afa within 3 mths. And i am considering goin for counseling at OC because I have some emotional problems that r in relation to my sexuality . Thanks once again

[koolkai]

Hello , just would like to seek some advice from the more experienced members here. I just had sex in a sauna with a stranger. He came inside me , but he was wearing a condom. I double checked the condom after the sex to see if there were any tears or leakage, there don't seem to be any. Should I still be worried? Thanks hope to hear some advice..

There is no use worrying as what has been done can't be undone. If you are still worry, you should go for a check-up to ensure that you are free from any diseases. Since you have undue worries, it is better for you not to have sex with any stranger. In this way, you can live a more peaceful life!

[Guest Guest123]

Thank you very much for the replies and advice given. Actually the guy was a Caucasian and his eng wasn't v gd so we had some communication difficulties . I guess that given the feedback , I am most prob safe but I will still go for check up at afa within 3 mths. And i am considering goin for counseling at OC because I have some emotional problems that r in relation to my sexuality . Thanks once again

Just interested, why do u have sex with a caucausian, esp when he is your 1st one?

Did you relent becoz he is a white guy, or did u think he has a big dick?

[whitetiger]

Thank you very much for the replies and advice given. Actually the guy was a Caucasian and his eng wasn't v gd so we had some communication difficulties . I guess that given the feedback , I am most prob safe but I will still go for check up at afa within 3 mths. And i am considering goin for counseling at OC because I have some emotional problems that r in relation to my sexuality . Thanks once again

It is good to always look for the professional (of cos those gay friendly ones ) because they will really able to help you through your difficult times.

Jia you!~

[keixer]

Stop asking and do your research on the internet. There are plenty of resources which you can get answers immediately. Why being so lazy?

[Officeboy]

Stop asking and do your research on the internet. There are plenty of resources which you can get answers immediately. Why being so lazy?

Maybe he is too shy to call hotline to share his problem, other online resources might not be trustworthy n thus he decided to ask someone here who have gone thru his situation b4 to get advice

[Guest juzaskin]

I have to say that BW really has some genuinely nice and kind people.

[Officeboy]

Yeah the traffic flow here not bad, trevvy forum too cold le, thats y i move here

[maki]

Hm, it wasnt great , the other party has a hint of selfishness, and i feel kinda disappointed. i got to know him jus for a few days. But after this encounter, i think I am kinda scared. He desires flesh, I desire heart. And now i am worried about my health, can anyone giv me an advice on how to screen.

[pittsburgh]

Hm, it wasnt great , the other party has a hint of selfishness, and i feel kinda disappointed. i got to know him jus for a few days. But after this encounter, i think I am kinda scared. He desires flesh, I desire heart. And now i am worried about my health, can anyone giv me an advice on how to screen.

Hi Maki, if a condom was used, there would be lower risk. Otherwise, you can go get checked three months later at AFA (http://www.afa.org.sg/anonymous.php). Next time, talk it through before acting and you can always say 'no' at any point if you feel uncomfortable. Give yourself another chance and it will get better, I promise!

[DriveMe]

Hm, it wasnt great , the other party has a hint of selfishness, and i feel kinda disappointed. i got to know him jus for a few days. But after this encounter, i think I am kinda scared. He desires flesh, I desire heart. And now i am worried about my health, can anyone giv me an advice on how to screen.

As long as you use condoms to do it,you're safe. Otherwise,wait for 3 months and then get your health checked.

Don't worry. I felt the same after my first time.

[Blissfull]

Get more sex, and compare.

[ahgreg]

It's naturally to freak out especially after the first time

Just don't go rushing into anything with too much expectation ^^

[keyboard]

I just got to say, do read up on safe sex or approach any of the counselors who's gay friendly to discuss before you proceed further. HIV+ is not an easy life.

[jonjon]

if you are looking for heart, then choose wisely. don't make the wrong decision

[Foreign Talent]

Hm, it wasnt great , the other party has a hint of selfishness, and i feel kinda disappointed. i got to know him jus for a few days. But after this encounter, i think I am kinda scared. He desires flesh, I desire heart. And now i am worried about my health, can anyone giv me an advice on how to screen.

The question is: did you do anything majorly unsafe? Eg. did you let him fxxk you without a condom and shoot his load up your ass?

If so, then I will be glad to help you with an anonymous HIV test - relax there's help for you out there.

If not, then I don't think you have anything serious to worry about - nothing a regular check up can't sort out.

And learn from your lesson, if you're after love - then think twice before getting into bed with someone if you feel he's just after sex.

[No Frills Factory Outlet]

did u tell him it was ur first time ?

[Guest Alex]

Hi guys

I have been experimenting swollen and painful excruciating pain at my asshole. I can feel that it is very tender to touch and there is a swollen gland or lump on the left side of my exterior anus.

Is this HIV or aids or?? My research on google told me it is probably herrmoroids but I'm not sure because I did bareback sex a week with a guy.

Can anyone give me advices on what to do now? It is very painful and whenever I sneeze or cough, it hurts! There's also blood when I wipe my anus.

Please advise!!

[Guest Alex]

Im only 19 this year btw so I think it is rare for a 19yo to get hermorroids right? :/

Anything I can apply on to lessen the pain?

Which hospital can I go to if I need help in such area? It will be so embarrassing but my anus is so swollen and painful now somebody advise me please ??!

[Mature]

It could be piles. Dun worry so much just consult doctor. Piles can be cure easily.

[Guest Guest]

It is an anal fissure.

Go to your GP and get it diagnosed. He will prescribe you a cream such as Rectogesic to apply on the swelling, which should reduce and heal it within a couple of days. He should also prescribe you some painkiller or alternatively, you may wish to take your own Panadol.

[Jasonxagent9]

Better go have it checked up asap

[Guest anonymous checkup]

http://www.afa.org.sg/anonymous.php

Get Anonymous testing here.If you are worried.

next time use a condom and lube.ok

and it swollen probably because you didn't use enough lube.

[Guest Alex]

Hi thanks for all the input.

So I can just get down to those family clinic and tell the doctor about this? GP means poly clinic ) family clinic can ma?

And the sex was a week back, obviously it wasn't enough lube or the sex itself lo. But we fxxk for hours. I mean 5hrs plus.

It is so painful that whenever I give myself a squeeze, the sharp excruciating pain is zzzzzz

[ajax]

If you believe in tcm, you can try the below :

It's available in unity pharmacy and costs about $10.90 each.

[redradio]

hey, use protection AT ALL TIMES ok???

get well soon

[Blacque]

Hi thanks for all the input. So I can just get down to those family clinic and tell the doctor about this? GP means poly clinic ) family clinic can ma? And the sex was a week back, obviously it wasn't enough lube or the sex itself lo. But we fxxk for hours. I mean 5hrs plus. It is so painful that whenever I give myself a squeeze, the sharp excruciating pain is zzzzzz

Ouch, 5 hours.

[Mercutio]

Im only 19 this year btw so I think it is rare for a 19yo to get hermorroids right? :/

Anything I can apply on to lessen the pain?

It's not unusual, especially if you have constipation on a regular basis. Preparation H, which I think is available OTC, will help if it's piles.

It is an anal fissure.

It may not be ... an anal fissure is pretty severe. It's basically like a ... volcano .... with the abscess being the volcano but a deeper shaft leading deeper into your blood vessels. An anal fissure may require surgery.

Actually, I don't think it's either piles or anything, but probably a peri-anal abscess.... basically a gigantic pimple kind of thing. That there is blood (is it fresh bright red blood), kind of supports this possibility.... sorry to be gross, but is there pus as well? If so, more and more likely it's simply a peri-anal abscess.

Just go to your GP ... it's not uncommon and does not link to you to unusual sexual practices. He will recommend a topical and possibly an oral antibiotic, and you'll be fine in a week.

But I'm not a doctor, so just swallow your pride and go get it checked out.

Edited January 8, 2012 by Mercutio

[Guest Guest]

You did bareback already then you scared.

[Mercutio]

You did bareback already then you scared.

Sweetie darling, help me understand. The objective of your comment was to .... ?

Reminds me of what a nurse said to a girl friend of mine long time ago when she went for an abortion.... "Who asked you to anyhow open your legs to men?"

People make mistakes. And there's not a single religion or philosophy in the world today that ranks compassion as any other than a virtue. Be kind.

[Guest To Alex]

To ts. U might have contracted gonorrhea a form of STD. Please visit a private clinic for treatment as poly clinic won't treat STD and Dsc clinic will have to do swab n blood test n wait for 14 days for result to come in b4 they administer treatment.in any case I wish u a prompt recovery.

[Guest Guest]

anal gonorrhea will leak Pus but curable.....TS, can u check?