Gay Coming Out Stories / videos / experiences - Family acceptance and the future (compiled)

[GachiMuchi]

Curious,

For some; coming out means telling your relatives, friends, the whole world you are gay.

For me, coming out means coming out of my shell :

- being myself and being comfortable with who I am

- able to put my profile on Fridae

- visit a gay sauna without worrying or fearful that I might bumped into someone I know in that sauna, etc.

But do I need to tell the whole world I am gay? No. I don't need to.

When I lied about my orientation when asked "why I am not married", etc. Do I feel bad? NO. Why should I feel bad?

Have I ever had the urge to tell my good friend that I am gay? YES. Did I tell him. NO.

Did I tell them I'm gay. NO; to those I don't think will understand. YES; to a few that I know they will understand.

Should I decided to tell my str8 friend that I am gay and should they start to avoid me. Will I feel bad. NO.

Because if they can't accept who I am then it is their lost.

I came-out of my shell to be who I am. As to coming out of the closet, is it really necessary? It will be up to individual. You don't have to come out of the closet if you don't want to. There is nothing wrong for not coming out of the closet. To each his own.

[Guest -WiseMan-]

Actually, I enjoy some serious talks in this forum and indeed I learn from other old birds' experiences too. In fact, I find some of the debates and arguments of certain quality because some knowledge cannot be learned from book but personal experiences.

This forum is full of hidden dragons and crouching tigers.

[koolkai]

When you are young, you may not treasure this sort of paternal relationship, wait till you get older, you will then understand this feeling of loneliness. Because with many failures, it is the family tie last, not any fantasy relationship.

Many years ago when I started cross dress & came out, that was a real unhill challenge, the whole world, the society, the family, the relatives, friends & classmates came negatively to me, no matter how convincing I looked, that was a real nightmare. The pressure was so tremendous that you can go crazy.

Larry

Larry, you were so brave as to come out of the closet and having to face tremendous pressure from your family, relatives and the society. And it must be terrible to feel a sense of of loneliness as one gets older. I guess the sense of loneliness was even worse for those guys who were "quite glamourous" in the gay scene when they were young?

[night listener]

The decision to come out or not lies squarely on each individual's shoulders, based on family background, friends, and own psychological and emotional state.

Knowledge of your parent's age, educational & cultural background, and temperament would enable you to gauge the consequences of coming out.

Knowing the types of friends around you would also enable you to judge their acceptance level of your coming out. Of course not with a 100% accuracy but you're

the best person to judge.

Lastly, your own psychological makeup will decide whether you have a strong urge to claim your place in this world by coming out...or not.

For most of us, the fear of the repercussions from coming out overcome our urge to tell the world who we really are. The thought of coming out is an

impossibility.

But for those who would never be happy unless they can be themselves without pretending, look around you and decide if the consequences are more than

you can bear from disclosing. And if you can succeed without too much wear and tear, I congratulate you. For you would be the envy of many of us to feel a

little more freedom and joy.

[Guest -WiseMan-]

May I suggest to the Moderators to pin this thread because it provides strong references and pointers for those who are struggling about coming out from closets.

[Tight Ass]

Actually, I enjoy some serious talks in this forum and indeed I learn from other old birds' experiences too. In fact, I find some of the debates and arguments of certain quality because some knowledge cannot be learned from book but personal experiences.

This forum is full of hidden dragons and crouching tigers.

You left out the RISING PHOENIX who can offer very sound advice too:

Not coming out will cause constipation and coming out will suffer diarrhea. Watch your diet carefully and monitor your body capability and you should be able to neutralise all these sickness.

[Guest Guest]

Yeah, the 'sound advice' coming out from your mouth is like what comes out from your loose ass.

Don't you think it's absolutely senseless and stupid to make such comment in a topic like this?

[UFO]

Dear Curious...

Coming out from closet is never easy... I am few of those who are fortunate (in the sense) are out to my family, friends and co-worker. So far, I have no problem about it as I have my family's support.

I do understand that not all families are as open minded as mine. Before I am out of the closet, I did educated my family what is gay life...etc. I am no different as before... I went to work, home, sleep, play...etc. I brought my bf back home to them. Just like my brother, of cos brought his girlfriend (My sister-in-law now) during family garthering.

I do not feel free even I am out of the closet at times. Especially my partner is still in closet. Many things we could not able to do in public like holding hand.. even we are in London.

Think twice before action... It always easy to say then to be done.

Best of luck!

Walfed

Edited September 6, 2008 by Walfred

[Guest -curious-]

hey guys, rememember a few months ago i asked you all advice on how to come out, and i was uncertain of how my brother, the closest person in my life, would react? Well, i just wanted to share that i finally did it last night, i told him and he ACCEPTED ME FOR WHO I AM! It really feels like this huge burden is off my chest and i would like to thank everyone of you who replied me last time and gave advice. Also, i was quite shocked when he actually knew quite a few stuff about gay guys, and told me that he has many friends who are gay too. I guess the most touching thing was when he said 'i will accept you for who you are, its just that society is not, so you must be careful. Don't worry, you'll always be my brother'. omg, the moment he said that i just cried and huged him. so ya, just wanted to share this with you guys, and perhaps any of you wanna share your coming out stories too?

[doncoin]

That's incredible! Good for you

My coming out story was simple. I told my mum over the phone. Her reaction was I suspected that long time ago...

[Guest Driclor]

That is very nice of your Brother!

How I wish I can do that too!

[GachiMuchi]

Congrats. I am happy for you but do be mindful what your bro said; 'its just that society is not, so you must be careful.'

[Guest IMC]

Since u didnt say your bro was shocked, my take is that he already suspect or even knew it long b4 u told him.

[Guest Clubber]

hey guys, rememember a few months ago i asked you all advice on how to come out, and i was uncertain of how my brother, the closest person in my life, would react? Well, i just wanted to share that i finally did it last night, i told him and he ACCEPTED ME FOR WHO I AM! It really feels like this huge burden is off my chest and i would like to thank everyone of you who replied me last time and gave advice. Also, i was quite shocked when he actually knew quite a few stuff about gay guys, and told me that he has many friends who are gay too. I guess the most touching thing was when he said 'i will accept you for who you are, its just that society is not, so you must be careful. Don't worry, you'll always be my brother'. omg, the moment he said that i just cried and huged him. so ya, just wanted to share this with you guys, and perhaps any of you wanna share your coming out stories too?

Is your brother gay too?

Is he single?

Is he older than you or younger, are you twin?

How did you cum out to him and will he keep it secret or share with othe members at home.

What was his suggestion to you after you cum out.

Gosh!! the above answer will serve as reference for my future "R & D"

[maturemedium]

You have a understanding brother and probably your family too. Treasure that. Good they understand and accept you.. Not all family are as good as yours.

I think my folks is kind of know as it goes along the way.. no need to come out.. Dun ask Dun tell.. They met and know my bf of 14 years.. So its just a natural thing and acceptance along the way... His folk also same like mine... Just the way it is.. Guess I am glad too

Edited October 28, 2008 by maturemedium

[Guest -curious-]

Is your brother gay too?

Is he single?

Is he older than you or younger, are you twin?

How did you cum out to him and will he keep it secret or share with othe members at home.

What was his suggestion to you after you cum out.

Gosh!! the above answer will serve as reference for my future "R & D"

haha, no he isn't gay. i told him infront of him and his girlfriend. He's older than me. Actually i didn't direct tell him. it was because we were talking about certain things. then i said i had something i needed to tell him. So, they were obviously curious and kept guessing when i hesitated. it was till they said they think they know and i asked them how many words do you think i'm going to say. so they said 3 then i said yup. is what i said confusing?? cause i tend to blabber alot.haha

well i hope he keeps it a secret until i'm rdy to come out to my parents, he's suggestion to me was just be happy and accept who i am, so that others can do the same=)

[Guest Clubber]

hmmm...you are so lucky. At least you find a soul mate who is your own brother. In future you can confide whatever unhappiness to him and get his blessings. As for me, I am clubbing around looking for one but end up like a sex toy to cure my loneliness. But sex is really good to be honest and I love being thrusted repeatedly and you feel you owned the person during sex...hehehe

haha, no he isn't gay. i told him infront of him and his girlfriend. He's older than me. Actually i didn't direct tell him. it was because we were talking about certain things. then i said i had something i needed to tell him. So, they were obviously curious and kept guessing when i hesitated. it was till they said they think they know and i asked them how many words do you think i'm going to say. so they said 3 then i said yup. is what i said confusing?? cause i tend to blabber alot.haha

well i hope he keeps it a secret until i'm rdy to come out to my parents, he's suggestion to me was just be happy and accept who i am, so that others can do the same=)

[harylok]

hey guys, rememember a few months ago i asked you all advice on how to come out, and i was uncertain of how my brother, the closest person in my life, would react? Well, i just wanted to share that i finally did it last night, i told him and he ACCEPTED ME FOR WHO I AM! It really feels like this huge burden is off my chest and i would like to thank everyone of you who replied me last time and gave advice. Also, i was quite shocked when he actually knew quite a few stuff about gay guys, and told me that he has many friends who are gay too. I guess the most touching thing was when he said 'i will accept you for who you are, its just that society is not, so you must be careful. Don't worry, you'll always be my brother'. omg, the moment he said that i just cried and huged him. so ya, just wanted to share this with you guys, and perhaps any of you wanna share your coming out stories too?

Being able to tell the truth seemed to relive you much... .. & hope it also reduces some pain (if any) in you ...

So, are you going to "Come Out" again to more non-PLU? i.e. colleagues, friends or other family members etc...

Bold act with careful consideration ....& accept all consequences = REAL MAN's act : :thumb:

Hary,

.... Its your life, no regrets!!! (For me, I have no such concern)

[Guest -Curious-]

Being able to tell the truth seemed to relive you much... .. & hope it also reduces some pain (if any) in you ...

So, are you going to "Come Out" again to more non-PLU? i.e. colleagues, friends or other family members etc...

Bold act with careful consideration ....& accept all consequences = REAL MAN's act : :thumb:

Hary,

.... Its your life, no regrets!!! (For me, I have no such concern)

Hary, I am curious. Are you out to your family - your wife, your parents and your children?

How about your colleagues and friends?

Please share your experiences if/when you tell your wife and children you are gay.

Thanks.

[harylok]

Hary, I am curious. Are you out to your family - your wife, your parents and your children?

How about your colleagues and friends?

Please share your experiences if/when you tell your wife and children you are gay.

Thanks.

Hi Curious (no name?, me curious 2 )

I am a 100%-STR-man in the straight community & approx. 30%PLU in the PLU scene. (esp. very PLU-ful when engage in fun .... )

Since, I crose between 2 worlds at ease, I see no need for me to "OUT-TO" everyone cos' I play my roles well enough not to feel bothered or to mark off myself.

But I do x-talks at times ..

Hary.

... 風花雪夜之　嘩啦啦啦乎

... 所謂PLU者　是否如此也

[Guest rickytan]

I told my wife about my past expereiences with guys and gals. And she is cool about it. She said, now we are married, so no more fool around with women, but guys... should be okay but have to let her know.

[brYAn_sg]

i did it too.. i told all my classmate and close fren and even mention in my blog... that i am gay.. and they accepted it..

Edited October 29, 2008 by chub18

[koolkai]

I told my wife about my past expereiences with guys and gals. And she is cool about it. She said, now we are married, so no more fool around with women, but guys... should be okay but have to let her know.

Hi,

Why does your wife feels alright for you to have sex with other guys?

[Panda_9791]

i did it too.. i told all my classmate and close fren and even mention in my blog... that i am gay.. and they accepted it..

I am kinda skeptical when non-gay folks (in SG) express acceptance. I somehow can foresee backlashes in the future... :smokin:

[Guest Guest]

I am kinda skeptical when non-gay folks (in SG) express acceptance. I somehow can foresee backlashes in the future... :smokin:

why not? if my children uncle, auntie is gay, at least when gay uncle auntie dies, the money may give to nephew and niece mah ;p

[Guest thatwasrunie]

I am kinda skeptical when non-gay folks (in SG) express acceptance. I somehow can foresee backlashes in the future... :smokin:

haahhas, i have to second that.

[Guest free4all]

How did you guys came out of the closet? and how was your first experience with the same sex?

I still don dare to tell anyone about my sexual preference. I maybe Bi or Gay. still not sure yet.

How did you figure yours out?

[happy.99]

just be yourself. but just do be careful when you want to tell someone that you are gay. dun go around telling everyone that you are. be discreet in that sense.

[CrazyBrain]

Just be yourself is very important! ha...

be truthful to your straight friends. Do not show/have that you have dirty thoughts or intention towards your straight friends. I know is very hard, sometimes you just can't stop staring at their body. but try to keep it discreet. If you treat them as a friend they will treat you as a friend.

I consider myself luck that my str8 guy friends are still with me.

[Guest Guest]

just go and do what you want to do except be careful about revealing to a 3rd party.

you will never know the repercussion. i told a married friend after 25 years friendship, whilst friendship appears normal,

but on outings, he will change in the bathroom and in hotel he request for room with 2 beds. this was unlike before

when he change in my presence and bare all. it hurts to some extend.

i am now beyond very mature age, wish i could backtrack in all lot of actions.

well i am still leading an optimistic easygoing lifestyle though.

[ChunkyMunkey]

Care to share the process and experience anyone?

Oh, by the way, i meant to say "Parents"...oppsie...

Edited August 4, 2009 by ChunkyMunkey

[Sticky&Sweet]

I came out to my parents by hinting to them whenever they ask me where I went out to? "With friends." Then I went on to describe my friends, like John and Ben who are together as a couple etc etc. Then they kinda got the hint.

But my parents and I are close to begin with, and we are Buddhist. So there's not much drama. No tears even. Somehow, Buddhists are more open minded than other religions when it comes to sexual orientation, methinks. Even the monk who gives his regular talks at my temple said there's nothing wrong with gay people. So, I guess my parents are "conditioned" to think there's nothing wrong with gay people...

[gruffman]

In Asian cultures, some things are best left tacit and unarticulated. Parents may know and accept tacitly that their children are gay... but once articulated, they may not be able to accept it (strangely) and may kick up a fuss... To me, the definition of "coming out" today takes on a very Western construct of verbal articulation... but who says "coming out" has to be verbal? Can we not "come out" to our parents in subtler and more sensitive, non-verbal ways? Food for thought...

[ixmog]

I know my parents are conservative. Don't think they are able to accept the reality. By knowing that, there is no reason for coming out to them. As this will bring more hurt than acceptance. It is still best to keep quiet. Parents love their children a lot. And they like to see their children get married one day. Just don't wanna break their heart. Besides, coming out doesn't really have much benefits for the moment. I can be as loud and proud as I want when I'm with gay friends or at a gay event. But not at home and work.

Edited August 6, 2009 by ixmog

[Guest LLon]

When my mom asked, I always said: I am going out with XXX, going holiday with XXX, going watch musical with XXX. Slowly, she did not ask anymore where am I going out with. XXX comes to my house once quite frequently for dinner and special family occasions. As a mother, I think she knows XXX is her son-in -law But, she (and my siblings) did not ask and so, I did not say. My dad is totally bo-chap type as long as he has his newspaper and kopi kaki. That's make my situation easier to handle.

[gruffman]

When my mom asked, I always said: I am going out with XXX, going holiday with XXX, going watch musical with XXX. Slowly, she did not ask anymore where am I going out with. XXX comes to my house once quite frequently for dinner and special family occasions. As a mother, I think she knows XXX is her son-in -law But, she (and my siblings) did not ask and so, I did not say. My dad is totally bo-chap type as long as he has his newspaper and kopi kaki. That's make my situation easier to handle.

LLon's experience demonstrates exactly my point of tacit acceptance by parents and family...

[superflawless]

I came out to my mother more then a decade ago one Chinese New Year Eve.

Mood was happy, we were watching a rerun of Pretty Woman which starred Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

She wasn't surprised and said it doesn't matter.

A few years later, I told my father and my siblings.

No one cared.

My family are Buddhists, as am I.

That could be the reason for the acceptance or it could be that I am not the only child.

But whatever the reason, I never felt that I had to hide.

I get more abused from strangers but my parents have stood up for me.

That has really helped with my self confidence.

I personally would never wanted to live a lie that's incomplete.

And hiding my homosexuality to my parents and friends seems like a complete lie.

I want them to know all of me and my thought process.

Friends who cannot reconcile with my declaration of independence and homosexuality aren't my true friends anyway so I did not pursue their friendship.

Once I made it a non issue, everyone treated me no differently.

It's all in our minds.

[Guest jayy]

I've never come out to anyone, and don't really intend to at all. Some may want to flaunt their sexuality but to me it's private and not anyone's business, frankly.

[snowball]

jayy, follow what your heart says, as long you are happy, life is yours & only yourself know what suit you best :thumb:

[Mandrake]

I was born in a catholic family.

I came out to my parents when I was 19.

I thought to myself... "even my closest kins do not know the very fundamentals of me". I felt sad and alone.

Thus I reflected... if I hid from them, how would they ever know me? How could they ever share my life?

So I decided that I should give them a chance to know me.

And to others apart from my family, I said this to myself, "Let he who can accept me be my friend and he who cannot... be gone." (Haha... I was young, hot headed and idealistic then.)

But I was lucky. I knew that my parents were meek and humble people. I knew if I was able to show my conviction and that I knew where I would find my happiness, they would surely accept me.

My coming out to my parents happened like this. My dad and I was watching the TV. There was a wedding scene on the set.

I said to him, "This will never happen for me."

He asked why?

I said, "I don't like one of them."

When he got the hint... he said, "Really?"

I said "ya".

That was it... end of discussion and I came out. In turn, my dad told my mum.

In the past future, I brought my bf home and so forth.

Have courage.

It is not what religion or where you are... it is the courage to face who you are and what you want.

And when you get what you want, see clearly if it is what you really wanted. If not, admit that you have made a mistake and start a new life. Life is not without regrets... but sadder is the regret for not having tried.

However having said that... I have to say, the diamond has many beautiful facets.

Some save the best for last... some was given beautiful experiences from their loved ones where they hear words like, "I love you and knew you all along". Some find their parents treating their bf like their own son, having never breathed a word about homosexuality. Some are happy and conceited that no one truly knows them, and they bring their secrets to their graves.

Edited August 6, 2009 by Mandrake

[UFO]

I came out pretty late abt the age of 25.

simple and fast!!! I told my mum that I am a gay and the only reply I got was' I knew it long time ago'

Since after, I brought back my bf home for family's dinner and garthering.

I think we have to do our part to educate our family what is gay abt and how we live our life... (Acutally not much different at all)

I am open in office too... Noone care either..LOL

[Guest A registered Bw member]

Hello. I'm a registered Bw member but decided to post as a guest in order to protect my identity. Has anyone here ever faced an identity struggle? Does ur family knows bout ur sexual orientation?

For this year, i've been dealt with quite numerous spates of depressing, unhappy events. As the days go by, i decided to just screw life and just have fun, not bothering to think too much. Gradually, i kinda resigned myself to the fact that i'm gay. However, even if i can accept myself, people around me can't. My family can't. Everyday when i surf BW, surf fridae.com, i have to do it sneakily. And be always on the lookout for anyone barging in( that was wad happened ytd ), and i got to ensure that all my surfing traces are deleted cus all it takes is once for myself to be screwed. It's as though i'm committing a sin just cus i'm gay. Even my phone, i always have to try my best to tend to it 24/7 so that others won't find out.

How many of ur families and frens here are not in the know? As for those whose family knew, how did they find out? What was their reaction? Any stories to share please?

[Firday]

It is good to have a self good discipline.

i would like to be you to put some self protection on those surfing.

My advice to you.

less strict to yourself

give yourself a bit freedom to do thing that u r happy eg maturbation

make some new friend.

[benzz]

I hope you don't mind me asking your age?

You may not have meant it to be such but saying that you "resigned" yourself seems to imply that you aren't comfortable with being gay. It's definitely difficult if you don't have the privacy for your personal surfing, maybe you can consider creating your own account on the system so that your browsing history is separate?

In any case, I think sometimes life's a lot easier taking a step at a time

Take care!

[GachiMuchi]

I think it is about time you consider moving out. If you have reached the age of buying your own house, a good excuse would be to buy the house (resale or otherwise) and stay out. Of course, moving out will bring out another set of "problems", but in the long run it would be better.

Since I was in my 20s, I've always wanted to move out to have my own pad, but my parents was strongly against it. Anyway, when I reached my 30s, I had a big tiff with my parents as I felt I really needed my own personal space. Therefore against my parents' wishes, I made up my mind to move out and rent a place of my own. After I moved out, I was much happier even though I was renting rooms. At that time, I wasn't able to buy my own place as I was still below the buying age for singles.

It was months later after moving out that I found out from my brother that my mom was very upset about my decision and she felt that I was "abandoning" them. For months, whenever I go home to see my mom, I gets the cold shoulder from her. It was a very trying period, but years later, everything works out. My parents realised that I have my own life to lead and accepted my decision to move out, like it or not. Most parents won't want to let go of their hold on their child, so this is something you will have to discuss with ur parents.

Anyway, parents will always be protective or over protective of their kids, some more so than others. In tradition family, they will only let go when you get married as they know that you will be well taken care by your wife. My case was a little hush on my parents but it turns out to be a win-win for both in the end. I finally got my own "space".

[Guest slayer]

To begin with, let me say how sorry I am to hear about your predicament. I went through EXACTLY similar circumstances when I was in my late teens and 20s so I know how you feel being caged and walking on eggshells.

How old are you now? Perhaps when you share your age with us we can advise you appropriately on how to deal with this problem.

I am the eldest grandson in the ENTIRE clan so there was a lot of pressure for me to get married. To add pressure into the already boiling cauldron, my younger brother got married before me and the relatives' tongues began to wag. I dont have to tell you how being in a Peranakan family, my grandmother lorded over me like a hawk.

Meanwhile I was lucky because my bf had a place of his own so I "conveniently" moved in with him much to my parents displeasure.

The pressure didn't stop building so I HAD to release some steam - I came out to my brother and sister-in-law. Chances of a sibling rejecting you is slimmer because they are probably of the same age group and can be more open minded to accept the way you are. However, I caution not all families function the same. You can have siblings who are polarisingly against anything alternative especially if your family is of the conservative or religious sort.

I felt a little lighter after telling them about my bf and lifestyle so they became my buffer between me and my parents. Little by little, they tried to prepare my parents for the "just in case he might be gay" D-Day.

Unfortunately, the D-Day came under very unforgiving setting. It was during a quarrel between my mother and I.

Drama... Tears... Shouting... Crying... I became estranged from my family for years until one day out of the blue, I received an email from my dad (who is very traditionally an Asian father - quiet, internalising, never saying much unless he has to shout) telling me how sorry he was that I had to go through such turmoil in my life... and that he hoped we could put all these behind us and be back together as a happy family again - gay or otherwise.

I am crying as I type this to you because I never knew my father to be that sort of person. My mum is the eternal drama-queen (now I know where I got my panache from) so I kind of put everything into perspective and decided that in an upheaval of emotions, we all say and do things we do not mean.

Eventually we got back together. Although I never moved back home (bf and I now have our own place together), we all became closer after that incident and my parents not only accepted me for who I am, but also my bf as part of the family. It helps that my bf cooks too so my mum, him and my sis-in-law disappear into the kitchen whenever we get together for a family meal. They cook together, laugh together, share cooking tips together, while my dad, my brother and I sit at the dinner table hollering at them to hurry up because we are hungry.

It seems so long ago but it has been 7 years since that drama happened resulting in my split from the family. We all grow and learn from episodes like these. As to my relatives finding out about me, a few of my aunties happily accepted my bf too. My grandmother now also readily trades her secretive "rempah" recipes with my bf so I am assuming all is good. As for the other gossipy aunties (personified by Mak Ee-Pearly on Sayang Sayang, yes they do exist!), in the words of my mum "To hell with them lah those CB mouth... I hope their children become gay too then they know!"...

Now back to you... If you have siblings, let them be the first step to releasing your pressure. But you know them best so I will leave it up to you to gauge whether if it's appropriate to let them into you clandestine life. Being gay is not easy in Singapore, but that also does not mean it is the end of the road.

[davecub]

A family is just like a company, it has its own culture and set of rules. Being part of the family, you should know what you can do or can't do.

Moving away from your family is one option. But you need to assess it yourself whether it is going to work out well for you? Can you handle the drama as shared by Gachi and slayer?

If you die-die need to stay put with your family, perhaps you can look into the following options:

1. Start to learn to accept and be comfortable with yourself (being gay)

2. Get your personal laptop instead of using the shared PC at home

3. Lock your handphone with password if your family member has the habit to invade your privacy

There is a saying that blood is thicker than water. If you have a close relationship with your sister / brother, perhaps you can slowly open up yourself to them (just like what slayer did).

Good luck and hope you can find a win-win solution soon.

Cheers.

Edited September 10, 2009 by davecub

[retri]

Do something about it! If you're living your life for them, then it would only be right if you continue the way you have been living. However, if you desire a different outcome and if you want your own life, then please do something about it.

=)

[Guest Well...]

Actually no need to be so scared or drama. We all will grow up someday. When we have reached the right time to move out, we will do so whether people know we are gay or not.

I moved out when I reached 35yo. During my younger days I have my own bedroom (my mom insisted that I kept the door opened 24 hours). I was caught red-handed many times and luckily I watch straight pxxn so they didn't know whether I am gay.

Anyway, I suffered a lot of inconveniences when trying to grow up gay and thus I resorted to cruising most of the day and return home only late at night to enjoy some freedom outside home. Home is like a prison when you are staying with your family. You have to be concerned about curfew, things you could or could not do in shared family spaces. Quietly, I accumulated some savings while working overtime and counting down to my birthday of 35yo. I quietly look around for 3-room flat and than sign a deal before announcing my intention to my family. They resigned to my decision because it was like rice being cooked and no turning back for them to stop me from moving out. After some time of moving out, my family has adapted to my dissappearance but I do occassionally visit them which they may not be used to my presence of sleeping over. People do change over times.

Perserverance did pay off instead of whining about no freedom. Plan your journey like what I did and than wait. The fruit I harvested has ripened and everyone can easily imagine I could walk around naked in my own space in my own pad now. No sweat and no fear....thereafter the next journey will begin which is to find your soulmate and live happily thereafter.....

The-End.

[paddle_up]

My coming out to my parents was definitely not expected, however, it actually went on pretty smoothly. I guessed it was beyond my imagination that the session went on without much confrontation. I have a elder brother,who dote on me greatly since young. I guessed he knew that i am interested in guys as he couldnt find any reasons why i am not hitched.

It happened when i was in my Uni, a gal (from church) wrote me a letter confiding that she appreciated my honesty in revealing the truth behind my decision not to be a couple with her. Frankly, i really dun want to deceive my closed friends any longer, with reasons such as " I am not ready", "You are not my type" (when she look really gorgeous). I guessed at that time if our friendship is stable and the foundation is strong, it should be able to withstand this test. Never venture, never gain. I am glad i did. She accepted it and well, we kept our distances for a couple of weeks but we become pals after that. Back to the letter, she ended it with "I sincerely wish that you find a guy that loves u and prove me wrong that a gay relationship is possible".

I left it on my table stand the next day and rush off to school. Well, my mum read the letter and she called for a family conference. That was when i froze and really panicked about what i should do. Luckily, my bro called me and asked what happened. The next sentence just warmed my heart. "Dont worry little piggy, I will be at home for you".

The session went on with my parents telling me about my faith and the society will never accept people like me. My mom told me she wanted me to be happy but she is unsure whether this path will lead to happiness for me. I need someone to be with in my life, going into old age together, having a companionship. Deep inside i know she care and will always care. My bro just saved me from this endless pit, he simply said "Dad, Mom, this is a family. A shelter for us when we have problems. When both of u are no longer around, he will be the only loved one in this family that i have. He will always be my little bro, i dun care who he is, i just know he is my bro." The session ended.

I knew my mom was crying in the room that night and many nights and days that followed. I know they care and love me. Now, this is an unspoken issue in my family, we dun talk abt this, except my mom will ask me am i seeing anyone or should bring him back for dinner. I was shocked initially but i am deeply appreciative for that. My bro loves me as the same and always be there for me when i need him, like picking me up from places when its very late. His girl also doesnt meddle in my affairs but just a silent acknowledgement was good enough for me.

I treat my family members much better, maybe its because of guilt or trying to prove to them that this liftsytle doesnt necessary make me a bad person. Maybe i am really trying to gain acceptance from my family. I am glad they did. This is how i came out to my family, not within my imgaination. Every family is different and i am appreciative of mine but deep inside, all parents love their children and they have this fear that what will happen to us when they are no longer around. This love and fear can be inferred to be pressurising, controlling. Deep inside, they love and care about us. No one says this road will be easy to go, i didnt choose to be gay, but i can choose how to live my life.