Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
GachiMuchi

Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make

32 posts in this topic

Very interesting read . . . and in actuality, I totally agree . . .:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree.. especially no.1 because the other guy might just use him/you for sex, and u r stupid enough to fall for it, end up he dump you/your boyfren, and end up with nothing else

 

thats the most common I see... ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Few weeks back, i hit the brick wall in my rs but i am glad that happen cos i now understand him more ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That Great ... i agree with GM... Need more time to reflect once awhile

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"...Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net...Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury."

 

This author is a genius.

 

We may not realise it but this puts to words what many of us are actually thinking when choosing partners.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"...Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net...Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury."

 

This author is a genius.

 

We may not realise it but this puts to words what many of us are actually thinking when choosing partners.

Like this phase.. seriously quite a lot wanted the other party to commit, even if the other party is not the playful, unfaithfuly type and has already said that he wanted to go slow for fear of hurting each other.. but sadly most who are pushy cannot accept this..sigh..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Number 6 perfectly sums up the reason why my last two relationships failed :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think everyone should pin this up on the wall and go through this check list before deciding to go for a new relationship. :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Disagree with most, speaking from a decades long relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Giving up on a relationship withou. Trying hard enough to.save it.

Giving up on a relationship withou. Trying hard enough to.save it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing. I really like this thread.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

10 common mistakes gay men make in the dating world

 

 

By Brent Heinze

 

 

10. “Big muscles or a handsome face make up for being stupid or rude.”

The most important qualities for a person to possess are integrity, inner strength and intelligence.  Some people feel that muscles can compensate for the inner demons, but at the end of the day, these people remain insecure, sad and lonely. Being an arrogant douche only serves to alienate you from others, except for those shallow enough to be impressed by your physical overcompensation.

 

9. “He cheated on his last four boyfriends but he won’t cheat on me because we’re in love.”

It takes a lot of personal initiative to change any behavior. When a person feels entitled enough to cheat on his partner, that shows a deep-rooted belief that his desires are more important that anyone else’s, probably yours as well. Protect your heart, and your genitals.

 

8. “I’m just not good at connecting with people.”

There are only a few people in the world that are natural social stud-muffins. Most of us still remember our awkward years where we felt like we didn’t fit in to the popular crowd. Rope-in your confidence, and put yourself in a social situation where you have the opportunity to strike up some casual conversations.

 

7. “You can’t find love on a dating site or in a bar.”

Quite the contrary. Actually, staying in your apartment wishing for Prince Charming to find and fondle you is totally pointless. Logging onto social networking/dating sites or venturing out from your house mentally prepares you for meeting and interacting with people. You can improve your communication skills, change your expectations or hang out in different environments to increase your chances. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

 

6. “I will never find a good relationship.”

This is one of the most destructive beliefs that can cause depression, isolation, bitchy attitudes and a lack of initiative in getting out to meet people. Maybe a more accurate statement would be, “I am never going to marry Enrique Iglesias.” You may need to re-examine what you are looking for and how you are doing it. There are many awesome people out there. Don’t close yourself off to possibility.

 

5. “Gay men can’t be trusted and are emotional trainwrecks.”

This is not always the case, but many feel that there is a high prevalence of dishonesty, substance abuse and annoying quirks. It is so important to really take the opportunity to get to know someone before you ask him to move in or make him your Power of Attorney. Unfortunately, it may take longer than a few weeks.

 

4. “Being nice and thoughtful isn’t valued in our community.”

The stereotype that states: “nice guys always finish last” isn’t true. However, there are some other things that can keep you from finishing first. Being caring or sympathetic is great, but it can be pushed to the extreme. You may want to hold off on sending two tickets to Palm Springs to the guy you went on a first date with last night.

 

3. “Bars are the only places to meet gay people.”

Many times bars can hold the highest concentration of gays at any given time, but we are everywhere. Get creative. Go to coffee shops, parks, museums, social organizations or book stores (not just the dirty ones). Keep your eyes open for that cute guy that just smiled at you walking down the sidewalk. Don’t look away; smile back!

 

2. “Drugs and alcohol increase my chances of scoring.”

Being obnoxious, falling down and making an ass of yourself will not guarantee you get laid. Actually, most of the time people aren’t impressed by it and your equipment won’t work anyway if you do get the opportunity to get naked with someone. Keep your usage in check. There is a fine line between social lubricant and an oil spill.

 

1. “That person is too hot to talk to.”

There is absolutely no one too hot for you to walk up to and say, “hi.” Be careful not to get confused if someone returns the greeting. It does not mean that he wants to strike up a conversation, is going to sleep with you, or that you should grab his crotch. Picking up on social cues and body language can help you figure out if you should continue trying to engage this person in conversation, or move on to another stud.

 

adiff likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi folks

 

Can anyone here tell me how to end a relationship with politeness without hurting each other?

 

Thank you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi folks

Can anyone here tell me how to end a relationship with politeness without hurting each other?

Thank you

Be brave.

Be honest.

Be respectful.

Be tactful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Regarding about opened relationships, alot of people argued that it is up to the couple to decide and set the parameters and boundaries. There are many claims of "successful" opened relationships on the internet and also by people in our gay circles.

 

 

My own principle is still towards monogamy because from my perspective, many of these "opened relationship" couples have too much time on hand and choose not to focus on growing/evolving their relationships, but instead to spend time looking for hookups (well whether you cruise in sauna or on the internet, it takes alot of time and effort). Most of the time I also noticed that these people are just waiting for something better to come along. 

 

Maybe because I am not a highly sexed person, and can be happy just resting in bed cuddling with my partner (instead of chasing non stop mechanical anal sex or blow jobs). 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi folks

 

Can anyone here tell me how to end a relationship with politeness without hurting each other?

 

Thank you

If u have been truly into a relationship, there's no way u wont be hurt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Similar Content

    • By ctglobal
      I had read various posts and had conversations recently about relationships.  Some individuals have no idea what they want ("just wan boyfriend loh"), then unsurprisingly have trouble finding it.  Some couples seem to have no expectations and coast by, until one half of the couple suddenly has an inkling this isn't working anymore, and then the whole thing destructs (cue Channel 8 drama).  Some find utter magic and develop it into something that could only be described as surreal or spine tingling in terms of chemistry and perspective.  I read their accounts with a mix of reverence tinged with both admiration and jealousy.  I desire this latter category of relationship, but feel at times I have struggled to evolve such a reality.  I wonder why?  Not for lack of trying.
       
      I had considered many things over the course of a long time dating, perhaps to the point of it becoming its own strange hobby or experiment. But hey, if I am having the experiences (a novel in itself, rest assured!), I might as well learn from them, right?
       
      First, through much challenge, effort, soul-searching, and utter failure many times, the desired characteristics in a partner, in shortlist:
       
      Flexible, self-actualised, well-rounded, thoughtful, fit (not necessarily gym bunny, but maintained), confident, empathetic, mature, intelligent, travel savvy, romantic, honest, trustworthy, resourceful, international in outlook.  Not necessarily defined by career, money, family, or friends.  Thinks for oneself and independent.  Recognises life's more than societal constructs, that we are born into freedom and into a universe of possibility. Passionate about achieving something positive for themselves and in the larger world around them. Compassionate, kinky, considered, interested, curious, creative, delving.  If I could get 80% of that, it would probably do.  I'm not perfect, he wouldn't be either.  That would probably keep things interesting anyway.
       
      I also knew what I *DIDN'T* want and actively needed to screen for-- and my god, on apps, websites, and even in person, the stuff that turns up sometimes is otherworldly:
       
      The self-destructive, confused and closeted bisexuals and/or married types (that's generally someone who is going to walk out on you, from my experience, as their priorities were already elsewhere), anyone who already has a partner or unresolved "its complicated" partner-like situation (ditto), careeraholics, the discretion obsessed, people not height/weight proportionate (nobody's perfect, but please at least try like I do), pathological liars, anyone describes themselves as "boring" "bored" or anything similar (it is the brand of the uninspired), "simple" people who really aren't simple (and they never are, so let's just be honest shall we...), mood swingers, anorexics, those messaging with just the word "seek?" (you feel me on this, I know it...), people just breezing through town looking for a hookup, students home on holiday, escorts and money boys--- in short, all the unhealthy time wasting distractions that circumstances can regurgitate.
       
      Second, a visualisation of what the "ideal relationship" would or should look like (read: not that it wouldn't ever have its own rainy day, but something to at least aim for; again, informed by all the stuff that DIDN'T work in the past):
       
      Concentrated, communicative, synergistic, growth-oriented, embracing, thought provoking, discovering, erotic, productive, effective, loving, considerate, complimentary, honest, realistic, engaging, present/undistracted, reinforcing, achieving, accomplishing, building, doing, seeing, trying, exploring, loyal, evolving, adapting, curious, supportive, iterative, driven, and functionally strong.  There would inevitably be hiccups, long discussions/negotiations, and recalibrations required but, that is the gist.  
       
      And then I came across another person's interpretation, which I think also reinforces what I already envisaged:
       
      "Growth-based relationships are mutually supporting.  They are entered into by mature, self-reliant individuals who take responsibility for their lives, as individuals and as partners in a relationship.  Each is dedicated to the growth of the other as well as his or her own.  Growth-based relationships don't just happen.  They are created by people who know themselves and what they want.  Being in touch with their own desire to express their best, each partner recognizes and supports that desire in their mate. Because they themselves are risk-takers, they are supportive of the risks their partners take and understand the vulnerability of the creative life.  These individuals are working on themselves as whole people, not halves of a relationship.  They know that 1/2x1/2 = 1/4, not one. They also know that 1+1 = 3 if the right effort is made."
       
      Beautiful, clear, simple.  And 99% of the gay world has no idea what you are talking about.  Fabulous screening tool, or set-up for mission impossible?
       
      So, there-- the "who" and the "what" of the desired picture, the relationship "ideal".
       
      The kicker is then the "how", the conjuring, the operationalising of all that.  
       
      Now here's the thing.  I have come close-but-not-quite-cigar to getting the above ideal on many occasions.  It's almost as if the universe threw darts repeatedly at the bullseye on my behalf, but missed continuously for comedic emphasis.
       
      The current relationship I have I feel has a good combination of many of the things I had imagined (really, a good guy as far as I have seen thus far), but at times still seems to lack a coherence and direction to it-- and not for lack of trying on my part, perhaps his too.  I keep wondering to myself: ok, so how much of the "magic" that others discover is something painstakingly nurtured and developed, and to what extent are all the right cards inherently on the table to begin with between the two people involved, just needing the right shuffle?
       
      Do I/we try to further develop this? Can I/we realistically develop this?  Are we really growing together?  Has it reached its own sort of plateau already?  Or will it turn some bold new corner as some complicated details of life get further sorted out?  If so, what might that take?  Or do we ride this some months down the road until we both realise we are on the train to fizzlesville-- or worse, divergent junctures-- once more?
       
      Before this whole thing started, I had no expectations.  A date was a date, I could be alone, single, and enjoy so many things on my own in life. I had not an intention to make the singledom the status quo per se, but neither was I attempting to cling to the first thing with a pulse that walked through the door ticking a few boxes.  It was to be a "no" until he was really a "fuck yes!".  I had learned from what had been done already, tried and tested. Or so I tell myself.
       
      So here we are, a year on into the current relationship.  I ponder the milestone, reality check myself against the ideal prescribed while trying not to lose a footing in the here-and-now, and try to find a measured, grounded way to determine progress.  Or slap myself into sobriety lest I have gone down yet another deviation from the road desired.

      To those brave, patient, and committed to have read this far, I ask you:
      From your own experience, constructively speaking, what do you make of this?  Can you relate?
      Have you had any similar experiences, be they successes or failures?  What have you learned?
      If you were successful, what made the chemistry work, and what did that ultimately feel like for you?  
      If at times you compromised, in what areas were the compromises fair and reasonable ones you both could live with?
      Did you find to get the dynamic you wanted in a relationship? And to get the right person to "materialise", did it take a process that was almost magical in some way to manifest?  If so, what did that process involve on a personal level?  What state of mind and consciousness were you in?
       
      I know there are some absolute gems of people spinning about on this website in spite of all the sleaze and trolls, so I hope they will come forward.  If a personal message or side conversation is better in light of sensitivities, feel free.
       
      (and to all the would-be lurking trolls: back under your bridge goddammit, don't you shit anywhere near this)
       
    • By Chewwei
      Anyone feel high Let start Cammm or sharing stories 
    • By boyishfit22
      The time of the year for this event again =)
    • Guest Wonderbf
      By Guest Wonderbf
      So, recently I caught my boyfriend sending private messages over IG to some guys we both know. I one message to a friend, he said things such as "I can wait for you in bed every night" and in another message to another friend, he called this friend "I have forgotten how sexy and cute you look". I am not too sure if I am being sensitive or he is being too flirty. The former is attached already as well. I have been attached for two years and we did talk about it before, but he thinks I'm being way sensitive and his words mean nothing.
       
      What do you guys think?
    • By Loves human dick
      Come and share....
      How do u wanna be massage and pampere??just relax and be naked...
      Enjoy the massage and rubbing 
       
  • Popular Now