Will You Have A R/ship With A Married Man? + In Love With / Liked A Married Man (Compiled)

[Guest passingthru]

OK, found it! http://www.tvspots.tv/video/28133/SINGAPORE-PRISON-SERVICE--WITNESS

[justanotherme]

Stop before it is too late. Seriously I dont believe that you are his FIRST as he might have claimed.

So what if he has more admirers if you breakup with him.

The thing that matter is that you are not the one that tear his family apart, with that you can live in peace.

As you say, you want lust and sex, you can find that somewhere else. Leave him alone, leave his family alone, you will be happier

[Guest Guest]

I'm gonna say something very politically incorrect. If he is your dream man, u have a right to pursue your happiness. his marriage is not your responsibility. what makes you think that it will be any different if u were to leave him? what if he gets desperate and go after casual gay sex and kena AIDS or some bitchy gay boy who goes to his house and make a scene? u are not forcing him to stay with you, u are not forcing him to leave his family, u are just enjoying the time spent with him.

at the end of the day, u are responsible only for your own happiness. let others say what they may - but u have a right to be happy.

[MobyDick]

Whatever is your decision, make sure you know the boundaries should things go sour. You do not want the wife to bring the kids and commit suicide in red outfits. Moreover, they lost their hubby to a man, not a woman.

[tic-toc]

your title question is "Will you .....".

My answer is "NEVER" may it be a married man or an attached gay man.

Firstly it will always be a compromise to yourself.

Secondly: One should not treat others in ways one would not like to be treated.

If he really loves you, he should sort out his problems.

Don't accept second-graded. You only live once, You deserve the best that life offers.

[Tekongman]

Thank you guys for your valuable suggestions. Nice vid by passingthru.

I can't post earlier as he was with me just now. Today, he even brought his 2 young sons and we had a wonderful time. They even call me "Uncle", how ironic? His wife is away in Malaysia and he took his chance by letting me see his children and this is my very first time that I had cuddle and hug them. How I wish I am their second mum?

I did raise this relationship with him and he told me that he being toghther with me is not only purely for SEX, rather he feels comfortable and a feeling towards me that he can't explain. Asking him will he find another one if I leave him , he ponder awhile and said YES, if the right one (just like me) comes along.He told me that his relaionship with his wife is merely a husband to her (Minus the sex life) and even tells me that he will never ask a divorce (unless the wife demands) and never leave his children.

After much thought, I think I will still be with him (as a brother/friend/lover) as I remembered and cherished the good times together. Am I being selfish? I will never hurt him or his family and yet I find in a situation I cannot bear to lose him. Well, let times be our witness as what futures hold for us.

[snowball]

After much thought, I think I will still be with him (as a brother/friend/lover) as I remembered and cherished the good times together. Am I being selfish? I will never hurt him or his family and yet I find in a situation I cannot bear to lose him. Well, let times be our witness as what futures hold for us.

if he willing to let you see his kids, mean he really trust you.

i won't say is it right or wrong, cos only your heart can tell you worth it?

don't think too much, if you start to want more, is the beginning of vexed.

all the best.

[Guest old enough]

if he willing to let you see his kids, mean he really trust you. i won't say is it right or wrong, cos only your heart can tell you worth it? don't think too much, if you start to want more, is the beginning of vexed. all the best.

Let me first declare that I am a married man. I agree with snowball. You will never be truly contented with him. At best, you are good friends....but never place yourself in the position that this is the only relationship that you want. Your married friend will not be able to fulfil your needs as time goes by. If he is a dutiful husband, he is bound to feel even more guilt as he finds himself distancing himself from his wife, and as he place more importance in watching his kids grow. I am talking from experience.

[Guest Guest]

There are millions of gay single men out there in the world. Why be a 'Little Three'?

I have a friend who hired a detective and found out her husband was fooling around with a guy.

She was so DEVASTATED & HEARTBROKEN. Thank God she did not COMMIT SUICIDE.

Pray hard that your story would not come out in the newspaper like the recent case!

[ashtonxia]

No offense, but if he can ditch his WIFE AND KIDS for you, why cant he ditch u as well later? Logical?

[Guest jayy]

No offense, but if he can ditch his WIFE AND KIDS for you, why cant he ditch u as well later? Logical?

Read. He said that he would never leave his wife or children.

To topic starter: I agree with the guest who said you have a right to pursue your own happiness to a certain degree. Of course you have to think about how far you want to go get your way. There's the risk of breaking up a family here. And also like the other guest said, you're always going to be the third wheel, you'll never truly be satisfied.

Then again, we can't choose who we love...

[Guest simpleman]

Tekongman, enjoy the relationship as long as it takes lah. He is gay. He needs a man. Not you per se. When you dump him for all your moral brouhaha and b/s, he will find another man. So it's your loss, not his. Since you are so into him, better you with him then another guy with him right? Unless of course you want to play the poor pathetic loser by looking back at his new partner and say that could have been me. So spare us your guilt trip and enjoy the ride.

[Guest MM]

I'm gonna say something very politically incorrect. If he is your dream man, u have a right to pursue your happiness. his marriage is not your responsibility. what makes you think that it will be any different if u were to leave him? what if he gets desperate and go after casual gay sex and kena AIDS or some bitchy gay boy who goes to his house and make a scene? u are not forcing him to stay with you, u are not forcing him to leave his family, u are just enjoying the time spent with him.

at the end of the day, u are responsible only for your own happiness. let others say what they may - but u have a right to be happy.

As a married man here, I think most guys here are too harsh to stereotype all married men. Thanks for not demonising us just because we are married.I know I made a mistake and I tried to endure. But being gay is not about just sex. Heck, I could easily go to saunas and have all the sex I want. After trying that a few times, I felt even more empty inside. Something is still missing.What about the wife? Sad to say, no matter how I try she's still so alien to me. I always keep a stern fatherly face at home to disguise the void I feel inside. Some straights use the excuse that the wife don't understand them so as to fool around. For us, this is not an excuse, it is the plain truth.I know deep inside that I need a relationship more than just sex only. That very special feeling that you can be yourself with someone and bare all parts of your body and soul to him.Being very careful and selective, I believe I am more faithful than most gay men. I may not be able to be there all the time but my thoughts and love are there more intensely when we are together. I cherish the relationship because to me it is so hard to find. Unlike some gay men who even consider open relationship acceptable. With our better than most commitment, I think we deserve a better understanding from others. Please don't immediately condemn our relationships.

[abang]

Rule No. 1 for me: Stay away from married man.

I would avoid married man at all cost!

They cannot give you the time and companionship.

At the end, I (the single gay) will be at the losing end.

How could I (the single gay) bear to see his family break-up into fragments.

So, leave them alone.

[Guest Cw30]

U had talked to ur married guy and he had responded. U should not have any regret with any decision u made. If u want to stay with him, don't think too much and cherish the time with him. In any case, widen up ur social circle and engage in a healthier lifestyle for the benefits of your future. Plan ur future for yourself on how u want to live in your golden years

[jtsc]

TS, stay with him. Can see that he is trying to introduce you to his family so that in the event this news really broke out, there is some cushions to minimize the damage. It will be painful then but I believe the children will grow up and understand their father's decision at a later time. When that happens, you need to be his comfort and support to help him to go thru that moment. There will be negative comments against both of you but you will find that it is more bearable when two of you are supporting each other.

[Guest Guest]

stay or don't stay, the decision ultimately is yours. does not matter whether we say "stay" or "don't stay" cos what we say is a reflection of our own beliefs. end of the day, what is most important is - can you sleep well with the decision you have made. and since it is a multiple party thingee, the decision must be one that everyone can accept. i believe you have the answer, only that you do not want to accept it.

[Guest Guest]

Morally it is not right to be with a married man and since he will not divorce his wife , it will be a fruitless relationship ! I have loved a married man before, it is very tough , and you are only his 2nd best when compare to his family and when come to duty and responsibility , you are also 2nd to his wife ! As for yourself , he is always your best ! Leave him while it is not too late , else you will have to go through misery in time to come and don't romanticize on such relationship ! As long as your man is not leaving the wife , he is living a lie and how could you entrust your happiness to a liar !

[Milky]

I do agree. You are still à 2nd love to him. Hè is à selfish man. Also please have à thought of his wife and childrens. Do u wan to be sinful in your life????

[Chub71]

Relationships can be a very hard thing to judge or even advice. Everyone has their opinion or choices how decisions or lives should be conducted. Some end tragically while others end blissfully. It's a matter of balancing what is in front of you. You can have a single partner and still end up in disappointment and yet I have heard of a few married man successfully managed to secure their relationship with another man. From what I noticed, your man doesn't seem to be handling his first relationship well. The men whom i have observed handling their prior relationship well are those emotionally stable ones. If a man cannot overcome the huddles of his own emotions, then I'd be a little more cautious in moving forward. Being over taken emotionally is the lead enemy of good decisions. Often enough when decisions are made without a clear head, we suffer bad consequences that make us regret for a very long time. As for his kids, their mums will forever be their mother. No matter how you wish they were yours, the kids will eventually not accept you. Don't presume they will not form a bad opinion of you when you finally "kick" their mums out and you moved into their lives. These are innocent lives. True love does not destroy but sacrifices and retreat for the greater good.

Perhaps if you were to allow me to share my opinion from a married man to another stranger. You are about to step into a disaster; don't get involved with a married man who hasn't been divorce. Let his relationship end because he doesn't love her anymore and not because of you. I doubt when the fingers start pointing at you, you will be able with withstand the price you must pay to sustain this relationship. Hope this helps you to think clearly and thanks for reading.

[Friendly]

Hi Tekongman, I know the guy might be attractive to everyone but try to look at the greater picture. Try positioning yourself into many different roles i.e. the wife, the kids (not one but two), the guy and yourself. I always believe there is a scale in everyone's heart. U have to weigh the consequences before u make a decision. Have u ever though about the kids? Seriously the kids are innocent and they shouldn't be put into any forms of dramas created by any of their parents or outsiders. Spare the kids some thoughts should be of utmost priority. Let them have a peaceful and sound childhood is what I would want to see and that includes having a complete family i.e. papa and mama with them. U with be surprise with how much difference it can make to their life as compared to turning them into unhappy, resentful young adults living in an incomplete family. For u and the guy, no doubt u might be losing each other if u were to give up on this affair. But that doesn't mean it's the end of the world for both of u. He would have his family and lovely two kids to look after. I believe all of us are entitled to make decisions and are equally responsible to bear all consequences for all our moves. He chose to lead the life of a typical man at first, to accomplish his role and duties for whoever, then he has to throw himself into that lifestyle; he has to stay in there and abide to its rules. Since he chose that, he had sold himself in the pursuit of this atypical 'normal' lifestyle. Everyday, everywhere u will get to see more guys equally gifted as this guy (if not more). But what's setting them apart from this guy is that they are not tied down by constraints, they do not have a committment; a greater mission in life to look after a family.. And to be with one of these guys will spare u the trouble to doubt, to think hard and to fear. I sense fear, I sense regrets, I sense disappointment and hopelessness in you right now. It's alright, at least this is a lesson learnt. It's still not late to turn back and walk up from this dream-like fantasy. Instead, I hope that u can make a clear cut decision to call everything off. Spare yourself from all those negative feelings and help the family. Help to change that unhealthy thinking of the guy, the guy that belongs to both u and the wife. Persuade him to stay faithful to his family since he made that decision, he ought to be a man of responsibility. Stop thinking so selfishly, otherwise, call out for a divorce and free the poor wife and kids who love him truly from the bottom of their hearts. For this situation, realise that if u truly love someone, u guys need not be together physically. Just know that somewhere in this Earth, there is someone out there who is having u as a little piece of mind in his heart. In return, u have made the life complete for a tiny family, and yourself. - Think about that -

Cannot agreed more to what you have say Ox.. and i like the word you use Selfish..

[Guest Milky]

Years ago, I met a married man and he is honest telling me that he has a family and could not able to have a relationship with me. I was shocked and questioned him what he meant a relationship should be like? Husband/wife or boy/gal friend or good friend/buddy relationship ??? Huh 

He worry that if we have a relationship started, I will be "sticking" with him and affect his family and himself. At that moment, my mind was confused. Confused- I know the rules of the game and why he needs to mention, we are mature adults.

I know it is impossible to be openly with him in the public. I told him that he can be assured that I will not be acknowledging him as my bf in public and he shall have his personal time with his family. Not SMS and calling him at nite and over the weekends. If you really love someone, you should consider and understand his feeling and situation. By possessing 100% him, it does not mean this relationship can last. Till now for last 15 years, we do still contact and arranged to meet up and have sex once a while.

[Tekongman]

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<p><font face="Arial" size="2">All the comments have their own share of wisdom and I am touched by everyone giving and sharing their thoughts.</font></p>

<p><font face="Arial" size="2">To all plu who is married, I wonder whether you knows your sexual preference before or after your marriage? </font></p>

<p><font face="Arial" size="2">Why this question is that before I know him, he is straight. I am the bitch who goes out all the way to know him at a very unlikely place - attending my uncle funeral. You see, he is my cousin sworn-brother and when I saw him, I could not resist myself for not having a second look. I sat down with him and hence it all started from here (sorry uncle, I just can't control myself-may him rest in peace). That night, he drive me home in his bike. Frankly, at first, I just wanted only sex, no realtionship whatever. But he being a straight, it took me quite an effort and time ( after numerous outings with him) to express my intentions and all hell break loose - he never call me for a month. To him, he never expect me to be Ah Kwa (like those at Changi Village as he indicated - no pun intended) cos I did not protray any lady-like traits. He does not know the differnce between Ah Kwa and gay man. Being sensible, I did not call him until at last he ask me out again. At this meeting, he ask me why I like him and me outspoken, answer his questions. He then asked me to take him to my house and we had our first sex encounter. I might admit that it is not that fantastic as I seem to be the one that do all the work - he laying down like a log. After sex, I was prepared that I may not see him again. I was wrong. With each sexual encounter, the experience got more erotic, intense and at times even kinky. I not only can give him pleasure also a close confidante. By the way he is Top. One things lead to another and my lust turns into love. All the while, I had never ask him of his marital status (he seems to be single and always available for me) and then the bombshell. He told me he is married and has 2 young sons. At times I ask myself if I knew he is married with children, will I approach him - The answer is YES, only for ONS, no relationship whatever. As this is not the scenerio, I had posted this article in this forum to get a better insight of how plu deals with this matter. As I had posted earlier, I will see what future may brings in this closet relationship.</font></p>

</div>

[TheVisitors]

As a married man here, I think most guys here are too harsh to stereotype all married men. Thanks for not demonising us just because we are married.I know I made a mistake and I tried to endure. But being gay is not about just sex. Heck, I could easily go to saunas and have all the sex I want. After trying that a few times, I felt even more empty inside. Something is still missing.What about the wife? Sad to say, no matter how I try she's still so alien to me. I always keep a stern fatherly face at home to disguise the void I feel inside. Some straights use the excuse that the wife don't understand them so as to fool around. For us, this is not an excuse, it is the plain truth.I know deep inside that I need a relationship more than just sex only. That very special feeling that you can be yourself with someone and bare all parts of your body and soul to him.Being very careful and selective, I believe I am more faithful than most gay men. I may not be able to be there all the time but my thoughts and love are there more intensely when we are together. I cherish the relationship because to me it is so hard to find. Unlike some gay men who even consider open relationship acceptable. With our better than most commitment, I think we deserve a better understanding from others. Please don't immediately condemn our relationships.

Life ultimately gave you a choice to choose a life you truly wanted to lead.

But you were weak and gave into your own fears, thus led a life what others expect you to fulfill

Thus we all feel the consequences of the choices we decide for ourselves, be it regretful, remorseful or joyful.

After making a bad choice of creating a false facade for yourself, which is the most regretful choice you have ever made, making other smaller choices to sneak and have sex with other men behind your wife's back, is not going to salvage you from your mistakes.

Lies over a lie, when will you married gays ever learn that you were responsible for the happiness for your own life ?

With such immaturity, I really wonder why would anyone would want to have a relationship with someone who can't even be himself.

Any guys with with you will feel second best because of your weakness.

No one in the world wants to be the second.

When you want to be that second best, it is a form of subtle self abuse because you too are denying yourself to experience the best what you could have experienced.

As long as you have betrayed your own true self, you will never get to experience the true joys of life.

Your own shadows will contantly resurface to remind you of your wrong choice.

They will make you feel heavily disempowered, trapped, uneasy or agitated.

For married gays, I only can say one thing.

You don't have to appeal to us to understand whatever predicament you brought yourself into.

As I will reiterate....life is actually very fair.

Because you were given many choices, once upon a time.

If that mistake is as painful as a life sentence, be a man , and bear the consequences of all you have chosen.

Edited September 26, 2011 by TheVisitors

[jiang2046]

Very agree with you

Stop before it is too late. Seriously I dont believe that you are his FIRST as he might have claimed.

So what if he has more admirers if you breakup with him.

The thing that matter is that you are not the one that tear his family apart, with that you can live in peace.

As you say, you want lust and sex, you can find that somewhere else. Leave him alone, leave his family alone, you will be happier

[Guest MM]

Life ultimately gave you a choice to choose a life you truly wanted to lead.

But you were weak and gave into your own fears, thus led a life what others expect you to fulfill

Thus we all feel the consequences of the choices we decide for ourselves, be it regretful, remorseful or joyful.

After making a bad choice of creating a false facade for yourself, which is the most regretful choice you have ever made, making other smaller choices to sneak and have sex with other men behind your wife's back, is not going to salvage you from your mistakes.

Lies over a lie, when will you married gays ever learn that you were responsible for the happiness for your own life ?

With such immaturity, I really wonder why would anyone would want to have a relationship with someone who can't even be himself.

Any guys with with you will feel second best because of your weakness.

No one in the world wants to be the second.

When you want to be that second best, it is a form of subtle self abuse because you too are denying yourself to experience the best what you could have experienced.

As long as you have betrayed your own true self, you will never get to experience the true joys of life.

Your own shadows will contantly resurface to remind you of your wrong choice.

They will make you feel heavily disempowered, trapped, uneasy or agitated.

For married gays, I only can say one thing.

You don't have to appeal to us to understand whatever predicament you brought yourself into.

As I will reiterate....life is actually very fair.

Because you were given many choices, once upon a time.

If that mistake is as painful as a life sentence, be a man , and bear the consequences of all you have chosen.

stop acting holy when u r simply being judgemental and narrow.

Who dont make mistakes?

sometimes a 2nd best in the USA is better than the best in India.

Dont stereotype that all gays r better than married men.

[Guest MM]

Rule No. 1 for me: Stay away from married man.

I would avoid married man at all cost!

They cannot give you the time and companionship.

At the end, I (the single gay) will be at the losing end.

How could I (the single gay) bear to see his family break-up into fragments.

So, leave them alone.

and u can accept overseas bf who give u very little time bc u were infatuated with whites?

talk about the blind leading the blind...

[Guest Priest]

stop acting holy when u r simply being judgemental and narrow.

Who dont make mistakes?

sometimes a 2nd best in the USA is better than the best in India.

Dont stereotype that all gays r better than married men.

TheVistors sound preaching. Is he a priest and which church is he from??? I like to seek for forgiveness cause I fall in love with married mens.........

[TheVisitors]

stop acting holy when u r simply being judgemental and narrow.

Who dont make mistakes?

sometimes a 2nd best in the USA is better than the best in India.

Dont stereotype that all gays r better than married men.

Who is acting holy here?

At least we are not as hypocrites as you who married a woman because you are too weak and for your personal agenda.

I am speaking from my experience when my first boyfriend left me quietly and suddenly after 3 years to marry to fulfill some fantasy of his father.

With that, he left me a debt of $60,000 to clear, which he borrowed under my mine.

And don't come back after years to express that was a biggest mistake you make.

This experiences are added with several married gays I met along the way.

What do you mean by being a second best in USA is better than the best in India?

By that you have inadvertently created a very racist remark.

This remark reflects the lack of maturity you certainly has as an individual, which fulfills my statement how immature married gays can be.

No matter much anger you want to vent on me, isn't gonna salvage the ultimate unhappiness you chose to put yourself into.

As least for us , the unmarried gays,we are truly living our lives in what we believe in and want for ourselves.

We are much more freer and happier than angry hypocrites like you.

Edited September 26, 2011 by TheVisitors

[Guest Priest]

Oh my GOD why your bf left u quietly???? He is a damm shit man and got married. Poor man has to settle his debt. My apology why u are so innocent and fall in love with such man??? 

[Tekongman]

Well, at least my lover did not ask me for money YET. If that happens, I know what our relationship is base upon.

[Guest Guest]

Difficult to say, now he is trying to win your emotion. Aftermath, he will tell u that he needs $$$$ for his kids as u already seen them before. Married man are bitchy and untrustable creature. Beware.........

[TheVisitors]

Oh my GOD why your bf left u quietly???? He is a damm shit man and got married. Poor man has to settle his debt. My apology why u are so innocent and fall in love with such man??? 

Haha I was only 20 when i first met him. You know, the youth with all the idealism of love is everything and forever thingy?

Remember in Shen Diao the story, when Lee MouChou was dumped by a man who promised her to marry her but married another woman and never came back?

That experience shocked her so much that she became a pyschotic vicious killer.

I once experienced that anger and hatred she went through.

That was my own life experience, but it has being so long

Take it as one of life's experience, be wiser be kinder to oneself and move on.

Life is too short to habour all these past useless hatred and anger.

I rather be a happy person because that is also a choice.

Nope

I don't habour any dislike for married gays. If you have any deep remorse for what you have chosed for yourself, it is your personal problem,

Don't make it that problem involving others just because you couldn't handle the consequences of your acts and choice.

If those who wants to be involved with them, thats also their personal choice.

I don't judge anything, but merely hightlighting the pyschological factor that governs the choice you choose consciously or unconsciously.

When you learn to see things as a detached observer, things become clearer.

[Clickclock]

lol I do not even have to read the post to answer this question, a definite no.

No mater how hot that guy is, its just wrong to fxxk up someone else's life even if its the guy that's in the most wrong.

[Guest Priest]

Haha I was only 20 when i first met him. You know, the youth with all the idealism of love is everything and forever thingy?

Remember in Shen Diao the story, when Lee MouChou was dumped by a man who promised her to marry her but married another woman and never came back?

That experience shocked her so much that she became a pyschotic vicious killer.

I once experienced that anger and hatred she went through.

That was my own life experience, but it has being so long

Take it as one of life's experience, be wiser be kinder to oneself and move on.

Life is too short to habour all these past useless hatred and anger.

I rather be a happy person because that is also a choice.

Nope

I don't habour any dislike for married gays. If you have any deep remorse for what you have chosed for yourself, it is your personal problem,

Don't make it that problem involving others just because you couldn't handle the consequences of your acts and choice.

If those who wants to be involved with them, thats also their personal choice.

I don't judge anything, but merely hightlighting the pyschological factor that governs the choice you choose consciously or unconsciously.

When you learn to see things as a detached observer, things become clearer.

Now have you overcome the bad experiences? How you carry on with your life? If i am you, I will visit his family and disclosure to his wife on the bad deeds he has done to me. At least pay me the money he owes me!!!!!! I will have to be the devil  and remove off as a priest.

[Guest well]

lol I do not even have to read the post to answer this question, a definite no.

No mater how hot that guy is, its just wrong to fxxk up someone else's life even if its the guy that's in the most wrong.

How convincing coming from someone who hasn't even had a bf before.

[IkuTube]

I guess the situation here is about conscience verses consciousness. Whichever way we want to view it, or adding morality to the topic, it is an abstract emotion. Love is an abstract emotion. It transcends gender, its essence is universal.

This topic reminds me of another thread in 2009 - "Hurtful Gay Life ...?" - http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=12280&hl. At the same time, I wonder how our guest by the nick 'Life Searcher' is today.

In such a tight perimeter, it makes it hard for us to stay true to our own desires. With desire, there is suffering. We just need to find that light, and the strength, to believe within conscience and consciousness. There is no right formula. There is no written guide.

[thorzguy]

Dear Tekongman,

To answer your question (as in your topic header) - I will not.

Am sure by now, you do have the answer to yourself; just somehow, on one end, you feel "guilty, conscious" for the fact that he's married. On the other end, you do enjoy the companionship (sex included) in this relationship that you are having now.

Understand your role in this relationship. What are the criteria you seek in a relationship, the repercussions (if any) and the possible outcomes. Many years back, when I was still green in this circle, I did know of a married man and he proposed that I be his bf. His requirement is such: Keep him company during weekend or when his wife is out of town; he will pay for everything (meals, hotel, gifts - there's where i think he's implying me to be his kept boy?). To be honest, I even met up with him once, just to take a spin in his beemer and that's it. I simply cannot accept myself, to go into a relationship, kept boy or whatsoever with a married man, although I am thankful for his honesty upfront.

Lay all the facts in front of you. Ultimately, the decision lies in your hands. I wish you all the best!

[Tekongman]

Hi Thorzguy, appreciate your post. I am no saint either being so long in this line.

I will not be a kept lover waiting for his return to have fun and companionship. I do makan-makan outside when he is not with me and yes, there is a certain place for him in my heart which cannot comprehend. I know that is cheating but for me, he is my top priority. You are right that the ultimate decision lies in my hands and I am going to make the best out of it. The best I will strive to be. Thank you.

[Clickclock]

How convincing coming from someone who hasn't even had a bf before.

well, "-well-", I do infact have 2 ex bf in my life. They simply just did no work out largely due to the fact that i'm already happy enough for the time being. I understand why you might think that my response is dumb as i simply had "no experience", but the truth is, it is a no brainer to understand that interfering with another person's marriage is utterly wrong and horrible. Even a lesbian girl or maybe a straight girl also knows that.

[Guest Guest]

one of the post mentioned "the married man is living a lie". I guess you want be be part of his LIFE & LIE, too

NOT WORTH TO LIVE A LIFE OF DECEPTION BECOZ U LUV SOMEONE.

[Guest TT]

one of the post mentioned "the married man is living a lie". I guess you want be be part of his LIFE & LIE, too NOT WORTH TO LIVE A LIFE OF DECEPTION BECOZ U LUV SOMEONE.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[Foreign Talent]

OK Mr Tekongman, many people have taken the moral high ground about you potentially hurting the wife and kids, so I am going to try a different route an appeal to your sense of self-interest.

You already know that this guy will never leave his wife and kids - this is less uncommon than you think. The marriage goes stale but the couple stays together for the sake of the kids and the husband goes find sex elsewhere. It's not the kind of thing people talk about much because the husbands who do this keep very quiet about what they do when they say, "I have to work late in the office tonight."

However, what do you want Mr Tekongman? You will forever be playing second fiddle in this relationship. You will never be priority no. 1 - his kids are his priority no. 1, then his wife. Given that he's got 2 kids and 1 wife, you've got to settle for 4th place at best. Are you happy or satisfied with that?

Many of us would prefer to have a man who will treat us as no. 1 priority, who will always put us first before everything else. Would you like to be priority no. 1? Or are you happy to be no. 4?

Think about all the times he will cancel on you because his wife needs him to take her shopping, or if he has got to help his children with their school work, or when his parents or in-laws make demands on his time. You're getting less than half a boyfriend, you're getting a third or a quarter at best. Ask yourself this: sharing hurts when it comes to the man you love, wouldn't you rather have a whole boyfriend, all to yourself? Rather than have to share like that?

You're a young person and there are plenty of other men out there who will love you, appreciate you and dedicate themselves 100% to loving you in a relationship. Wouldn't you be happier in a relationship like that than your current one? If that is what you really want, then ending this relationship now will bring you one step closer to finding a man who will love you and dedicate himself to you 100%. In the long run, you'll spare yourself a lot of pain and be a lot happier.

[Guest shenderz]

It's quite patent tat tekongman has already made the choice and is merely seeking affirmation.

I am impressed with the balanced views of some. In all fairness, I don't think visitor was judging anyone. He is merely stating his opinions based on his personal experiences. So let's not get personal here.

Call it 犯贱 or what, there will always be people who like married guys. There will always be people who can live with being the third party. There will always be extramarital affairs.

Such is life. Such is mankind.

Instead of judging others, why not do what you think is right to make yourself a better person.

Will I consider a married guy? Well, yes but not as a bf or husband cos there is no such thing.

[Guest Marriedgymmer]

As a married man here, I think most guys here are too harsh to stereotype all married men. Thanks for not demonising us just because we are married.I know I made a mistake and I tried to endure. But being gay is not about just sex. Heck, I could easily go to saunas and have all the sex I want. After trying that a few times, I felt even more empty inside. Something is still missing.What about the wife? Sad to say, no matter how I try she's still so alien to me. I always keep a stern fatherly face at home to disguise the void I feel inside. Some straights use the excuse that the wife don't understand them so as to fool around. For us, this is not an excuse, it is the plain truth.I know deep inside that I need a relationship more than just sex only. That very special feeling that you can be yourself with someone and bare all parts of your body and soul to him.Being very careful and selective, I believe I am more faithful than most gay men. I may not be able to be there all the time but my thoughts and love are there more intensely when we are together. I cherish the relationship because to me it is so hard to find. Unlike some gay men who even consider open relationship acceptable. With our better than most commitment, I think we deserve a better understanding from others. Please don't immediately condemn our relationships.

[Guest Marriedgymmer]

Hey MM

I can emphatize and associate with what you are expressing here. Like you, I have many a times feel the loneliness and frustration of not having a soulmate that I can discreetly share my life with on the sideline. You hit the nail when u say that there are some of us who r not looking for sex per se but someone with whom we can communicate and share our thoughts with, whether it's over a simple SMS, email or the occasional meal or drinks. Whilst I am close to my family and I do shoulder my responsibility, affection and have ensured that they are well provided for, I sometimes feel that I have in the process fail to fulfill my own needs beyond what my family can reciprocate. Being closeted and born to somehow have an inclination for people of the same gender, does make one feel a sense of emptiness and that one's life is simply withering away for lack of a companion/soulmate/buddy. It is very tough for a married man to be able to seek a fellow married man with the same inclination. While blowing wind does provide some limited platform for such an opportunity, many married postings that I come across here are merely seeking fun. There is also the question of compatibility, age, one's countenance, background, intellect etc that will add up to the remoteness of one ever finding a discreet married bloke as a soulmate. In the mean time life goes on, and I get by focussing on my career and I find some solace in going to the gym regularly and maintaining my form and shape and getting the usual compliments from ex colleagues or old friends I've not met for a long time expressing their surprise at the physical transformation of my built and why I've not aged like them.

[Guest A]

Was leisurely browsing through the topics on this forum and this one did more than catching my attention. I'm in a committed relationship with a married gay man as well. Only difference being his kids are pretty much grown ups so there's less of a 'I don't want to hurt those innocent big-eyed young kids' sentiment to it. I have thought about the issue of his marriage and not to mention the age gap at the same time but I was never able to reach a conclusion of whether to stay or not to. He seems to have the intention to leave his wife and be with me in the future and I am convinced, as naive you might think. Afterall others of my age would have graduated from Uni and started working already. Some have mentioned that no one wants to come 'second'.

To me he has always made me feel like I am the first. He loves me. I love him too. And there is sex. Fairly straightforward. As selfish as I might sound, I just cannot be bothered to speculate what might happen to everyone else when he decides to clear the mess and be with me because life is too short for that and why worry about the unknown. All I know is I think I have found my true love and I will stick with it. Good things don't always come by more than once. It was a blessing that I met him and I will stay with him for as long as God allows.

Married or not, he is my love. I have found him and I am not letting go. And suddenly there is a surge of ethical dilemma as I come to the end of my comment. But isn't this a world where everyone's to themselves? Who cares about what the deontologists might think.

A

[justgymguy]

Hey MM I can emphatize and associate with what you are expressing here. Like you, I have many a times feel the loneliness and frustration of not having a soulmate that I can discreetly share my life with on the sideline. You hit the nail when u say that there are some of us who r not looking for sex per se but someone with whom we can communicate and share our thoughts with, whether it's over a simple SMS, email or the occasional meal or drinks. Whilst I am close to my family and I do shoulder my responsibility, affection and have ensured that they are well provided for, I sometimes feel that I have in the process fail to fulfill my own needs beyond what my family can reciprocate. Being closeted and born to somehow have an inclination for people of the same gender, does make one feel a sense of emptiness and that one's life is simply withering away for lack of a companion/soulmate/buddy. It is very tough for a married man to be able to seek a fellow married man with the same inclination. While blowing wind does provide some limited platform for such an opportunity, many married postings that I come across here are merely seeking fun. There is also the question of compatibility, age, one's countenance, background, intellect etc that will add up to the remoteness of one ever finding a discreet married bloke as a soulmate. In the mean time life goes on, and I get by focussing on my career and I find some solace in going to the gym regularly and maintaining my form and shape and getting the usual compliments from ex colleagues or old friends I've not met for a long time expressing their surprise at the physical transformation of my built and why I've not aged like them.

As a married guy, I can't but help to agree with what Marriedgymmer says. Many that I have read in here are posting on moral high grounds and condemn us married guys like an outcast and shun away from us like we are some sort of virus or a person with leprosy. I know there are some of us married for traditions sake; to be fillal piety son; or for whatever reasons. They are living a life that they are almost constantly in pain/regret. There are also those who married before they knew they are gay or accepted themselves as gay? Not ALL of us grew up with the digital age so well advance and knowledge/information are so in abundance.

For those who are anti-married guys, I think some form of acceptance should be extended. Just like you would to the other races and religions. I am not sure about the rest, but at least for me, I think just to be understanding towards us would be greatly appreciated. There are black sheeps out there among us. Not just in the married guys circle, but hey I'm sure you agree with me black sheeps are in the gay circle too. But does it stop anyone of you looking for your true love just because of the black sheep. In the same manner that you are genuinely seeking your true love, we the married guys too are hoping to find a discreet married bloke as a soulmate. Just like what Marriedgymmer has mentioned.

I have time and again made it clear to the 2-3 singles I have met over the years whom we have some form of chemistry, that I can't give them true love, security that they seek or want to have in a relationship, as I find that it is not fair to them. As most of you have said, we will not leave our family. But what I can offer is friendship and that is what I like to have too in the limited capacity that I can be. 1 remains as one of my closest and only gay friend who is getting married pretty soon in New York in 2012 with his boyfriend and I'm invited to the wedding. The other 2 I am not sure what happen to them. Honestly, IMHO, for us married gays/bi, it is more difficult for us to even find a true friend and let's not even talked about finding a companion/soulmate/buddy, which seems to be an mission impossible.

To Tekongman, I'm sure by now you would have made up your mind from the replies I read. Just remember, whatever decision you made you will have to bear the good or bad consequences. Good if he is true to you and fulfill your life and makes you a happy man. Bad if he turns out only to be some guys who make use of you just to fulfill his lust. Whatever the consequences it may be, it is your journey in life. Just like anyone who make a wrong career move, made the wrong investments, bought the wrong car, studied the wrong course... you just need to move on and chart a new course in life.

Please pardon all my wrong spellings and grammatical erros.

[Guest guest]

i agreed with Justgymguy..

There is basically no wrong and no right.. it always take 2 to clap.

For those who has gone thru a r/s before, I am sure you might even be craving for some form of freedom or free time when you can do your own things or just laze around with your frens.

For me, being married before, and currently single, would not mind a married fren who would not be able to give me all his time as I have to accept the fact that his family is definitely more impt than me as he is still duty bound as a husband and a father.

If you are into this kinda r/s, please do not lament and has to be understanding. I am sure your married fren would appreciate you even more.

[Tekongman]

As I had posted earlier, I do not mind being the 2nd/3rd/4th fiddle. I will take things as it goes along and yes, being understanding and not complaining does bring him closer to me. I do have my own circle of friends and my private time but I also alloted a time slot (which he finds it more convenient to meet me) just for him. We cherish and enjoy each other whenever we meet and I think that is what we needed afterall. All the comments posted by you guys have no right or wrong and I believe that as long as we do not have the intention to hurt someone (be it him, his wife or his children - in which some will disagree), I will let time be the witness of what future may holds.

Thank you.

Tekongman