Will You Have A R/ship With A Married Man? + In Love With / Liked A Married Man (Compiled)

[123ZZZ]

if your bf is getting married because his mother threathens to kill herself

what would you do?

[NielKlient]

think there's nth much you can do.

wad kinda mother threathens to commit suicide?

[kee_hsiao]

think there's nth much you can do.

wad kinda mother threathens to commit suicide?

家家有本难念的经…… so don't judge other people's mother please... 'cause you will never know what is going on in other families...

cheers

[dreamer]

that's tragic... i guess i would try to understand (though i've never been attached). at the end of the day your bf would get married because of his mom's sanity/safety... not because he doesn't love you anymore right?

[123ZZZ]

will you carry on with relationship or quit?

[123ZZZ]

not to want to compare with his mother, but does make you wonder if he loves you enough...... worrying......

[kee_hsiao]

will you carry on with relationship or quit?

truly depends... there's no standard answer to this 'coz till date, I firmly believes no 2 situations are the same... baby steps, one at a time and react accordingly to it.

[kee_hsiao]

not to want to compare with his mother, but does make you wonder if he loves you enough...... worrying......

I'll disagree on this... imagine he decides to let his mother to take the leap... will you still want an unfilial guy to be with you?

[123ZZZ]

sigh... maybe should threaten to kill myself too ...sigh

sad... feel so depressed... how to carry on

[dreamer]

I'll disagree on this... imagine he decides to let his mother to take the leap... will you still want an unfilial guy to be with you?

i can't deal with someone unfilial, no matter how evil/unreasonable the parents may be... i dunno but that's just me. not asking u to worship the ground ur parents walk on but at the same time i dont think i can stomach something a person does that hurts his parents, let alone cause their death.

[kee_hsiao]

sigh... maybe should threaten to kill myself too ...sigh

sad... feel so depressed... how to carry on

sad to say if u use the same emotional blackmail on ur bf, i think the real person commiting suicide will be himself... caught in between...

[123ZZZ]

but if he marries someone that he does not love but just to please his mother

then this is also very unfair to his wife-to-be

[kee_hsiao]

i can't deal with someone unfilial, no matter how evil/unreasonable the parents may be... i dunno but that's just me. not asking u to worship the ground ur parents walk on but at the same time i dont think i can stomach something a person does that hurts his parents, let alone cause their death.

thumbs up!!!

[dreamer]

sigh... maybe should threaten to kill myself too ...sigh

sad... feel so depressed... how to carry on

dude, if this is a real life situation, i'm sorry but you really sound selfish right now. u didn't give birth to him, you know?

[kee_hsiao]

but if he marries someone that he does not love but just to please his mother

then this is also very unfair to his wife-to-be

well, that will be his wife's call and decide if he is the right guy to marry. not up to you, him and his mother to decide.

[123ZZZ]

life is so confusing, sometimes wonder we should live for ourselves

or live in the shadows of our parents and sacrifice our own happiness

[123ZZZ]

parents threathen their kids all the time, but do they really mean it?

think it is because they cannot accept that their kids are gay

and are ashame that friends and relatives know about this

[charvo87]

清官难判家务事。家家有本难念经。u cant do anything, threatens to kill urself too, then u are selfish. Not only giving him a difficulty and also being unfilial and destroying the love of ur mother who had suffered 10 months just to see u born and live happy.

[dreamer]

life is so confusing, sometimes wonder we should live for ourselves

or live in the shadows of our parents and sacrifice our own happiness

not trying to impose my beliefs on you, but if he decides to do something to appease his parents he might be thinking along the lines of showing gratitude to the people/person who raised him to who he is today; the same people or person who would most likely die before him; even if they don't, at least his conscience is clear if he doesn't commit a prodigal deed that crushes them. put yourself in the shoes of the parent, as hard as that may be... sometimes, the child they have carried, delivered, raised, cared for, cried for, bled for ... means more to them than the man/woman they married. and to have that person crush their hearts, is as good as death if suicide did not materialise.

[kee_hsiao]

life is so confusing, sometimes wonder we should live for ourselves

or live in the shadows of our parents and sacrifice our own happiness

life is never a beautiful picture...

and at this point of time, your bf is probably the one feeling the hit most and not you...

1. mother threatens him with her life

2. marry a gal whom he doesn't love

3. leaving a guy whom he loves deeply

so if u think u r in pain, think about him... and if u threatens him too with ur life, u r really gawd damn selfish...

[dreamer]

parents threathen their kids all the time, but do they really mean it?

think it is because they cannot accept that their kids are gay

and are ashame that friends and relatives know about this

and what are you going to do about this? if this is the issue u have identified, what has his getting married and the suicide threat, have to do with his love for you and vice versa? yes you are upset, but seriously, it upsets me to think that you are finding it hard to accept your bf's filial piety.

[123ZZZ]

don't mean to put him in a difficult spot

but after years of being together, it is just very depressing that this is now happening

perhaps all of you are correct, should just walk away from this relationship, call it quits

don't think will believe in relationships anymore

[dreamer]

don't mean to put him in a difficult spot

but after years of being together, it is just very depressing that this is now happening

perhaps all of you are correct, should just walk away from this relationship, call it quits

don't think will believe in relationships anymore

that's what you think. u'll get over it.

[kee_hsiao]

don't think will believe in relationships anymore

that's a nasty sweeping statement... hope you realised in the future things ain't that bad after all...

[doncoin]

Well, it is technically emotional blackmail and it comes down this: What is the mother's objective of killing herself? What is she hoping to accomplish?

If you look at the scenario objectively, the threat is not about her son being gay or her son being unmarried. It is about her inability to deal with reality and truths. She is externalizing her problems and pushing her responsibility towards herself on to her son. She is making her problem his problem instead of learning to deal with it herself like a responsible adult.

Hence, if her son were to give in to her blackmail, it allows her to continue living in a lie she has created for herself.

Basically, the son will be supporting and enabling her lies at his personal expense and happiness.

In an altruistic thinking, yes the son will probably give in to his mother's demands because it is an obligation. The son will also have to realise he is supporting a lie for his mother.

Yes, the mother is threatening to kill herself, and it is an unfortunate and unrealistic way to deal with life. We should never take any threats of suicide lightly. Best scenario, would be to report her threat to the police and have her committed to a safe place where she will not afflict harm to herself. It is sad, but when the parent refuses to behave responsibly towards herself, it is something the children should not have to deal with.

[dreamer]

It is sad, but when the parent refuses to behave responsibly towards herself, it is something the children should not have to deal with.

some children have hearts.

[123ZZZ]

thanks chelseasian, he has decided to get married.

[doncoin]

some children have hearts.

It is not about not having hearts. It is about dealing with reality in an adult and responsible manner. Shielding the mother is not going help her grow or make her a better person. It will only ingrain further in her head this fantasy she is living is real.

[doncoin]

thanks chelseasian, he has decided to get married.

I wish him the best then. He is not helping his mother in anyway. I foresee down the road, more emotional blackmail scenarios- i.e. grand kids, all in order to support this fantasy his mother has in her head. Your bf will have to build more lies in order to keep her happy. He will probably be the most miserable person out of this whole farce.

[123ZZZ]

I am also feeling very miserable

[dreamer]

It is not about not having hearts. It is about dealing with reality in an adult and responsible manner. Shielding the mother is not going help her grow or make her a better person. It will only ingrain further in her head this fantasy she is living is real.

denial refers to the refusal to accept the truth, not delusion that the truth does not exist.

she knows. she just wants it different, even though she knows. getting married is not going to ingrain anything.

[GachiMuchi]

if your bf is getting married because his mother threathens to kill herself

what would you do?

There are triple tragedies happening here.

Tragedy 1. A mother using death to threaten his own son.

Tragedy 2. A gay man marrying a women he may not love.

Tragedy 3. A poor innocent women who thinks she is marrying a str8 guy.

Unless you want to be Tragedy no. 4. Don't do any silly things.

Edited August 22, 2012 by GachiMuchi

[123ZZZ]

Thanks GM, it is just a thought because of years of relationship, it is depression that has turned into anger

Thinking after a week and back to sanity now, if we don't love ourselves then who will love us, will move on

He has made this decision then he will have to face the future problems from this decision

Wishing him all the best

[Guest Guest]

It is not about not having hearts. It is about dealing with reality in an adult and responsible manner. Shielding the mother is not going help her grow or make her a better person. It will only ingrain further in her head this fantasy she is living is real.

Totally agree, Chelseasian. I love my parents to bits, but by conforming to their fantasies, both parties are living one freakin' huge lie. They will never come to know the true person inside and the son would be miserable for not being able to be true to himself. Sometimes, one just needs to stand up and tell them the truth. I came out to my parents when I was 23. And I'm the only child in a very traditional Chinese family. Dad threatened to disown me and kick me out for not "continuing his family name" while mum cried and cried. Now, I'll joke with them whenever they "complain" about not having grand kids, i'd tell them to get a dog or something, and they'll laugh!

[doncoin]

denial refers to the refusal to accept the truth, not delusion that the truth does not exist.

she knows. she just wants it different, even though she knows. getting married is not going to ingrain anything.

It will ingrain something in her I think. Basically, the next time she is not going to get her way with her son, or anybody, she will threaten to kill herself.

[Guest Why]

Why can't he marry her for show and still be with you? Was there a condition that both of you cannot be together? I don't think we know fully the circumstances your bf is facing now to give you the best answer. How much does the mum know. How much does the wife to be know? Does he want to break up with you or is it the other way round? Is that even an issue if this is just a sham marriage to appease the fanatical mum?

[closetedlestroll]

One of my lesbian friend's 7 year partner also broke up with her because she was forced by her family to get married. Another friend who is Muslim now doesn't even live with her family because her parents can't accept her sexuality. Just imagine during hari raya puasa everyday break fast alone, and only meet siblings once or twice a year her family has given an ultimatum that they will accept her back if she decides to marry a guy.

TS it's a pity to hear that your bf had to leave u to get married to fulfil his parents wishes. I feel quite sorry for the bride to be who does not/may not know that he is gay. Marriage doesn't resolve anything and more issues eg extramarital affairs could arise in the future. However not many parents can see it this way.

[gammaray]

Why is love not enough...

[thaiboyz]

The biggest victim would be his wife who is totally kept in the dark. Her hubby's inclination towards guys would be cruelly discovered one fine day, guess she would be devastated and file a divorce. Many married men cruised in gay saunas secretly as they need to satify that gay part of them. I do believe some of them can't fulfill their role as a hubby, the sight of a naked woman turned them off. Wonder can a wife tolerate a relationship when her hubby is totally hands off on her? She might suspect her hubby doesn't love her and having affairs with other gals. It would be much worse after she knows the truth when her hubby having fun with guys! I believe both wife and husband would suffered in a long run, I have watched several movies of such similar themes, most of them with sad ending

[Marineboy]

Sure love your parents and yourself and those around you. The saying goes...the greatest gift of all is LOVE.

BUT if you choose not to give in to your parents it does not mean you love them any less.

Emotional blackmail is blackmail whichever way you look at it.

I strongly believe one should do the right thing....even if it hurts your loved ones.

I have told my mom many times...if you are wrong i will say so...i will not blindly support you when that happens.

123ZZZ i see you seemed resigned to your fate.

I just think you should fight for what you want...have another serious discussion with your bf....unless he is bi....his decision will certainly backfire and now the inlaws(aka outlaws keke) are involved

It's great that you have thought about a possible exit plan too.

Tell your BF...to do what is right. Its time we learn to say NO....when it is required of us to.

Wishing you both the best even if it does not work out in your favour.

Takecare bro.

[Travys]

this may sound like a joke, but it's not. he could try finding a lesbian girl in the same situation and marry her instead. i know of lgbt couples who have done it and i personally feel that it is the best solution to this very difficult situation you are facing. your bf and you can continue seeing each other, as well as his "partner" and her girlfriend and your bf's mom might not try to commit suicide anymore (although falling into a deeper delusion). there are disadvantages to this strategy obviously but love conquers all doesn't it? hope i helped.

Edited August 23, 2012 by Travys

[Guest sens]

百善孝为先. 为人子女应孝顺， 不孝之人罪滔天.

[Freedom711]

He has made the choice. Nothing we can do. The winner takes it all and loser has to fall. Its simple and its plain ...nothing to complain.

[koolkai]

He has made the choice. Nothing we can do. The winner takes it all and loser has to fall. Its simple and its plain ...nothing to complain.

Are you a fan of ABBA?

[Guest Guest]

百善孝为先. 为人子女应孝顺， 不孝之人罪滔天.

Oh really, I tot they also said that

不孝有三, 无后为大 i.e. 有三种行为被称为不孝，第一种是一味顺从父母之意，父母有错而不加以提醒劝说，使他们陷于不义；第二种是家境贫寒，父母年迈，身为人子却不谋官位以赡养父母；第三种是不娶妻生子，断绝后代，无人继承香火。其中，以不娶妻生子断绝后代最为不孝。

Oh no, we're all doomed.

[Guest Gayler]

this may sound like a joke, but it's not. he could try finding a lesbian girl in the same situation and marry her instead. i know of lgbt couples who have done it and i personally feel that it is the best solution to this very difficult situation you are facing. your bf and you can continue seeing each other, as well as his "partner" and her girlfriend and your bf's mom might not try to commit suicide anymore (although falling into a deeper delusion). there are disadvantages to this strategy obviously but love conquers all doesn't it? hope i helped.

I will never want to live together with women. So getting marry with an lesbian and live together under one roof is not an option. Women are so troublesome and unpredictable creature.

I just want to stay and spend the rest of my life with my lovey bf. Only like that I will be trully bliss ful.

[Freedom711]

Are you a fan of ABBA?

HAHA quite a fan. Dun mean to be lame....just find part of lyrics happen to fit in. I probably be listening to tat song a million times if im stuck in that situation...bf marrying a gal becox of wad goddman reason

Edited August 23, 2012 by Freedom711

[jnbx]

If his mother needs to go to the extent of threatening suicide to get your bf to get married, isn't it quite obvious that she knows and is in denial herself?

Filial piety is definitely important, but there is also a phrase called 愚孝. So many parties going to suffer with this sham marriage.

Nonetheless, I feel your pain of the loss of a relationship (just been through too), but don't give up hope. Life's quite sad without it

[trunks]

not trying to impose my beliefs on you, but if he decides to do something to appease his parents he might be thinking along the lines of showing gratitude to the people/person who raised him to who he is today; the same people or person who would most likely die before him; even if they don't, at least his conscience is clear if he doesn't commit a prodigal deed that crushes them. put yourself in the shoes of the parent, as hard as that may be... sometimes, the child they have carried, delivered, raised, cared for, cried for, bled for ... means more to them than the man/woman they married. and to have that person crush their hearts, is as good as death if suicide did not materialise.

Ridiculous. Showing gratitude is very different from conforming to do whatever the parents want.

Some people have a very twisted thought that as long as they are someone's mom or dad, they have the RIGHTS to ask/threaten them to do anything they want.

The mother needs to GROW UP and stop being a bitch. The moment a mom and dad give birth to a baby, it is their RESPONSIBILITIES to raise the child up until s/he's independent. The child didn't ask to be born under them and owes nothing to them.

If I decide to have a kid now, it is also my RESPONSIBILITIES to ensure s/he grows up in the best possible way. I take care of him/her because it is my obligation as a father, not because they OWE me anything. And once they're grown up, it is THEIR life and they should make their own decision to be HAPPY. To forcefully asking your kid to fulfill your own fantasy is just plain wrong. Period.

As for the topic starter: It is the decision that you bf has to take. If he loves you enough, there will be a solution to every problem.

[TannedKE]

I think the mother is selfish in this case