Surrogacy Discussion (compiled)

[Andrew ang525]

Good point. Psychological support especially important for the pregnant lady. I assume the respective partners will be providing that, just like straight couples. Otherwise Ooga Chaga might want to consider setting up such a service to meet the changing needs of the LGBT landscape. Hey guys we're now talking about marriages and parenting. Totally unbelievable as recently as ten years ago.

 

 

The role model can come from the extended family, like grandmothers, aunts and cousins.

 

And there's actually this concept of "co-parenting" between gays and lesbians as additional options. That's why a same-sex parenting support alliance is useful. Let's set one up.

 

Can't speak for others but personally as a gay man, i will prefer to raise sons rather than daughters. Same problem for single or widowed fathers for similar reasons.

For some individuals, grandmothers/aunts/cousins can be role model, but not every single parent has that support.   This is highly individual, and case-by-case basis......Therefore a self-help group is definitely an important support.

 

As some may know, i am in the process of getting my surrogate child.... and i am thinking of setting up a self-help group, which serves as information exchange self-help, as well as providing information for other new intending parents....

Thinking aloud, if there is a tea-session, would people be interested in coming up and exchange views and research??

[Andrew ang525]

Actually, while it is illegal to get surrogacy in singapore, there is actually a legal way to bypass it.....

[Guest Guest]

For some individuals, grandmothers/aunts/cousins can be role model, but not every single parent has that support.   This is highly individual, and case-by-case basis......Therefore a self-help group is definitely an important support.

 

As some may know, i am in the process of getting my surrogate child.... and i am thinking of setting up a self-help group, which serves as information exchange self-help, as well as providing information for other new intending parents....

Thinking aloud, if there is a tea-session, would people be interested in coming up and exchange views and research??

 

If u ask me, i'll say yes i'm interested to come for such a tea session.

 

But maybe u can set up a website or facebook page for this first. Get a group of like-minded individuals to come together. I'm quite sure there are gay couples here who are in stable relationships and hope to start their own families.

 

Children do bring fulfilment and meaning to our lives, if you love kids and are into family life.

 

Imagine all the things that you can do with your spouse and kids. And to see your kids grow up ... and maybe some day you will have grandchildren sitting on your laps.

 

Life is short. Make the most of it and pursue what u believe in. 

[Guest Guest]

Which race of egg donor should I choose for surrogacy baby? Chinese, Jewish, Hispanic or Caucasian ?

[Andrew ang525]

Which race of egg donor should I choose for surrogacy baby? Chinese, Jewish, Hispanic or Caucasian ?

This is a complex issue...... have a thought for your future offspring, because (you have to understand and forgive) his/her classmate who are 7 years old, and they may unintentionally prejudice against your child based on race or skin colour.....

 

Dont even get me to start discussing the EGG DONOR..there is hyperstimulation of the ovaries (for egg harvesting) and understandably, they are paid, so it is not a wild guess they are in financial needs, and may have unknown (or undeclared) medical or genetic history, and also the past infection.

You also have to be aware that, the surrogate mother (who is also paid) may have lifestyle that you may not like (eg alcoholism or smoking while carrying the pregnancy)......your doctor may promise you anything and everything....but what the surrogate mother does during the 9 months is only known to herself and not to the IVF doctors......well if you have surrogacy in US, there is privacy that the doctor cannot check on the surrogate mother......On the other hand, in India, Nepal and Dubai, the surrogate mother will stay in special house for supervision (then  you have to accept donor at India, Nepal)

 

Which is why, it is absolutely important to get a really really reputable doctor to carry out the process.

 

 

BTW, the cost in Mexico is cheap.... i have experience discussing with one of the centre when they promise everything....then the centre was shut down 5 months later.....luckily, i did not proceed.

[Guest Guest]

This is a complex issue...... have a thought for your future offspring, because (you have to understand and forgive) his/her classmate who are 7 years old, and they may unintentionally prejudice against your child based on race or skin colour.....

Dont even get me to start discussing the EGG DONOR..there is hyperstimulation of the ovaries (for egg harvesting) and understandably, they are paid, so it is not a wild guess they are in financial needs, and may have unknown (or undeclared) medical or genetic history, and also the past infection.

You also have to be aware that, the surrogate mother (who is also paid) may have lifestyle that you may not like (eg alcoholism or smoking while carrying the pregnancy)......your doctor may promise you anything and everything....but what the surrogate mother does during the 9 months is only known to herself and not to the IVF doctors......well if you have surrogacy in US, there is privacy that the doctor cannot check on the surrogate mother......On the other hand, in India, Nepal and Dubai, the surrogate mother will stay in special house for supervision (then you have to accept donor at India, Nepal)

Which is why, it is absolutely important to get a really really reputable doctor to carry out the process.

BTW, the cost in Mexico is cheap.... i have experience discussing with one of the centre when they promise everything....then the centre was shut down 5 months later.....luckily, i did not proceed.

I think I should get Ang moh baby because Asian look highly on Ang moh especially Singaporean like us. They will have thorough background and phycological chek, as u said they need money they will well behave good in order to get paid. Any miscarriage n misconduct will not get any payment from us . They just waste n risk their life only

[wishful and hopeful]

???

Edited April 14, 2017 by wishful and hopeful
updating

[Guest Jo]

To avoid the high costs of surrogacy, how about trying DIY artificial insemination at home with a willing lesbian partner? What do u guys think?

 

http://www.fertilityplus.com/faq/homeinsem.html

[Guest Guest]

To avoid the high costs of surrogacy, how about trying DIY artificial insemination at home with a willing lesbian partner? What do u guys think?

http://www.fertilityplus.com/faq/homeinsem.html

Wait you can find a lesbian that willing to have that experiment with you..You thought lesbian will do it free for a stranger ?? Nothing is free. Even you paid , they still will choose whether you are his type and whether they want to share custody with you.. U know women behavior..

[Guest Guest]

Wait you can find a lesbian that willing to have that experiment with you..You thought lesbian will do it free for a stranger ?? Nothing is free. Even you paid , they still will choose whether you are his type and whether they want to share custody with you.. U know women behavior..

 

i dun have lesbian frens but i've got really good straight girlfriends who are willing to do this for me and my partner.

 

Not everyone is so lucky though.

[Guest Guest]

i dun have lesbian frens but i've got really good straight girlfriends who are willing to do this for me and my partner.

Not everyone is so lucky though.

I used to believe I was lucky man also cos My straight girlfriends wanted to do it for free..but when come to actions, all disappear with many reasons/excuse..from there onwards, I realized that talk is cheap, action is rare.

[Andrew ang525]

To avoid the high costs of surrogacy, how about trying DIY artificial insemination at home with a willing lesbian partner? What do u guys think?

 

http://www.fertilityplus.com/faq/homeinsem.html

Yes, i concur this may potentially be cheaper.....(but that is NOT TRUE, see later) but the biggest problem is where to find willing lesbian sisters?

 

Let me tell you (after nearly 10 years of research) the biggest problem of gay-lesbian co-operation is legal.  Once you have a birth cert that bears both parties name (you cannot avoid the lesbian mother's name on the birth cert, not in singapore at least) you have a potential legal minefields.

But on the other hand, there are superior reason medically such a pregnancy is superior than a surrogacy-pregnancy.  Immunologically, the foetus has half genetic compatibility with the pregnant mother (pregnancy immunology is till now a greatest mystery in medical science, how could the pregnant mother carry a FOREIGN BODY in the body without rejection)..... the surrogate mother and the foetus is totally incompatible.....which is the reason why surrogacy pregnancy has a lower success rate compared to IVF pregnancy when the natural mother carry the foetus..

Sorry, this is a complex medical topic and i risk over-simplified the explanation.

[Andrew ang525]

Wait you can find a lesbian that willing to have that experiment with you..You thought lesbian will do it free for a stranger ?? Nothing is free. Even you paid , they still will choose whether you are his type and whether they want to share custody with you.. U know women behavior..

Straight or lesbian mother...... the greatest reason when they may (however small the likelihood) agree with such an arrangement is mutual need, they need your sperm donation, and you need their egg, and she has to undergo pregnancy twice, for two babies, one for her, one for you.....

That is near impossible.

[Guest Leonard]

I know of lesbians and gays who are partnered yet they don't mind their gf or bf to register for marriage and get all the benefits of a citizen. Eg applying for BTO and having children. However, they don't live with each other. They live with their gay partner. I think we should create a bigger platform for this. Agree?

[Guest Guest]

I know of lesbians and gays who are partnered yet they don't mind their gf or bf to register for marriage and get all the benefits of a citizen. Eg applying for BTO and having children. However, they don't live with each other. They live with their gay partner. I think we should create a bigger platform for this. Agree?

Agree. Where to find such lesbians?

[Guest Ponding]

Technically, this forum only attracts gays. To find out where lesbians hang out online, we need your expertise and insights. Most of us don't have lesbian friends.

[Guest Guest]

Leonard, that would be a marriage of convenience.

[Andrew ang525]

I know of lesbians and gays who are partnered yet they don't mind their gf or bf to register for marriage and get all the benefits of a citizen. Eg applying for BTO and having children. However, they don't live with each other. They live with their gay partner. I think we should create a bigger platform for this. Agree?

I love such arrangement too..... and i had spoke to some lesbians sister and gotten a hammer on my head.....

Such arrangements have a nasty legal effect, the WC when you under go divorce.   Remember pre-nuptial agreement has no legal effect in singapore.

[Andrew ang525]

If i attempt to organise a tea session at (tentatively, hypothetically) say, coffee club or starbuck etc... or over a buffet dinner, will there be interested party, please indicate to me or pm me.

[Andrew ang525]

i only have two respondents -- looks that that is a bad idea.

[Guest Guest]

I know of lesbians and gays who are partnered yet they don't mind their gf or bf to register for marriage and get all the benefits of a citizen. Eg applying for BTO and having children. However, they don't live with each other. They live with their gay partner. I think we should create a bigger platform for this. Agree?

Bear in mind that there are laws to curb sham marriages or marriage hor.....

[Andrew ang525]

Bear in mind that there are laws to curb sham marriages or marriage hor.....

yes and no..............

Yes if one of the party is a non-citizen (sham marriages for immigration purposes)

No, if both are singaporeans, no benefit (if at all, worse if there is woman charter)

[Andrew ang525]

So quiet, nobody interested in the topic??

[Chiong]

Hello hello, i just wanted to share a little bit about gay parenting in Singapore since there seems to be so many questions and I realised my blog has been referenced a few times.

 

First of all, yes, lesbian and gay parents do exist in Singapore and the numbers are growing. We have an informal rainbow parents support group - www.rainbowparents.sg where we meet once a month for playdates etc. We also regularly discuss the issues we face whether legal, social or otherwise.

 

Currently the preferred method for gay men to have a child is surrogacy in US as there is reduced legal complications since both partners names can be on the birth certificate and the child is legally yours. Bangkok used to be the destination of preference but no longer due to the new laws.

 

While children of lesbian Singaporeans automatically get Singapore citizenship, it is not the case for children of gay Singaporeans. This only applies to married Singaporeans. So if you are a single gay male or gay couple, you have to jump through some hoops to get Singaporean citizenship for your child. Adoption, DNA tests etc. So do keep that in mind. 

 

Gays and lesbians co-parenting - This is not a method we recommend as there are a lot of legal challenges with this. Sham marriages are also not recommended for the same reasons. Remember that surrogacy is illegal in Singapore so no matter what, it is impossible to have legal connection to the child.

 

Some people have chosen to do adoption instead and this is also an option. However, you cannot adopt as a couple, only as a single male and cannot declare you are gay.

 

Gay parenting is a very expensive affair so do think and plan beforehand. If you have specific questions, you can reach out to me via the Rainbow Parents website or my blog http://olivia.thechiongs.com/

 

Good luck gentlemen!

[Guest Guest]

Hello hello, i just wanted to share a little bit about gay parenting in Singapore since there seems to be so many questions and I realised my blog has been referenced a few times.

 

First of all, yes, lesbian and gay parents do exist in Singapore and the numbers are growing. We have an informal rainbow parents support group - www.rainbowparents.sg where we meet once a month for playdates etc. We also regularly discuss the issues we face whether legal, social or otherwise.

 

Currently the preferred method for gay men to have a child is surrogacy in US as there is reduced legal complications since both partners names can be on the birth certificate and the child is legally yours. Bangkok used to be the destination of preference but no longer due to the new laws.

 

While children of lesbian Singaporeans automatically get Singapore citizenship, it is not the case for children of gay Singaporeans. This only applies to married Singaporeans. So if you are a single gay male or gay couple, you have to jump through some hoops to get Singaporean citizenship for your child. Adoption, DNA tests etc. So do keep that in mind. 

 

Gays and lesbians co-parenting - This is not a method we recommend as there are a lot of legal challenges with this. Sham marriages are also not recommended for the same reasons. Remember that surrogacy is illegal in Singapore so no matter what, it is impossible to have legal connection to the child.

 

Some people have chosen to do adoption instead and this is also an option. However, you cannot adopt as a couple, only as a single male and cannot declare you are gay.

 

Gay parenting is a very expensive affair so do think and plan beforehand. If you have specific questions, you can reach out to me via the Rainbow Parents website or my blog http://olivia.thechiongs.com/

 

Good luck gentlemen!

 

 

Thanks for sharing Olivia. And it's great having you here on our forum. 

 

My partner and I are seriously considering parenting in the next few years when our careers stabilise. I'm sure Singapore same sex parents will only increase in numbers with time.

 

Good luck guys ... and gals, for those who aspire to have your own families.

[Andrew ang525]

Nepal is a new contender for surrogacy......... it has replaced India (new laws too).

The plus point for Nepal is its lower cost (still expensive) but the major setback is healthcare standard.   No, dont get me wrong, the centres that performed the IVF is top notch, but you have to be aware that, the surrogate mother has to live in the country for 9 months while carrying the pregnancy.   One obvious risk is german measles, which is a major cause for congenital malformations, and mental retardation.   There are also other intrauterine infections such as CMV, Toxoplasmosis etc that the surrogate mother may get in contact with, especially many are common in poultry and animals.

[Guest Guest]

Nepal is a new contender for surrogacy......... it has replaced India (new laws too).

The plus point for Nepal is its lower cost (still expensive) but the major setback is healthcare standard. No, dont get me wrong, the centres that performed the IVF is top notch, but you have to be aware that, the surrogate mother has to live in the country for 9 months while carrying the pregnancy. One obvious risk is german measles, which is a major cause for congenital malformations, and mental retardation. There are also other intrauterine infections such as CMV, Toxoplasmosis etc that the surrogate mother may get in contact with, especially many are common in poultry and animals.

Please go watch this YouTube before talking the risk which is not true ;

[Guest Tom]

Hello hello, i just wanted to share a little bit about gay parenting in Singapore since there seems to be so many questions and I realised my blog has been referenced a few times.

 

First of all, yes, lesbian and gay parents do exist in Singapore and the numbers are growing. We have an informal rainbow parents support group - www.rainbowparents.sg where we meet once a month for playdates etc. We also regularly discuss the issues we face whether legal, social or otherwise.

 

Currently the preferred method for gay men to have a child is surrogacy in US as there is reduced legal complications since both partners names can be on the birth certificate and the child is legally yours. Bangkok used to be the destination of preference but no longer due to the new laws.

 

While children of lesbian Singaporeans automatically get Singapore citizenship, it is not the case for children of gay Singaporeans. This only applies to married Singaporeans. So if you are a single gay male or gay couple, you have to jump through some hoops to get Singaporean citizenship for your child. Adoption, DNA tests etc. So do keep that in mind. 

 

Gays and lesbians co-parenting - This is not a method we recommend as there are a lot of legal challenges with this. Sham marriages are also not recommended for the same reasons. Remember that surrogacy is illegal in Singapore so no matter what, it is impossible to have legal connection to the child.

 

Some people have chosen to do adoption instead and this is also an option. However, you cannot adopt as a couple, only as a single male and cannot declare you are gay.

 

Gay parenting is a very expensive affair so do think and plan beforehand. If you have specific questions, you can reach out to me via the Rainbow Parents website or my blog http://olivia.thechiongs.com/

 

Good luck gentlemen!

 

 

Hi Olivia, i'm keen to have kids. In stable relationship with my husband. U know local friends willing to donate eggs or partner us for child-bearing arrangements? We can work out the details. 

[Andrew ang525]

Please go watch this YouTube before talking the risk which is not true ;

I do not want to say too much about my background.... suffice to say i dont rely on internet material but i actually speak to experts (not just intended parents or parents who went through IVF or surrogacy).

One thing about german measles is that, in adult, it may present as a very mild viral fever or viral exanthem.  And they pass on to other people, and if that person is in first trimester of pregnancy, the embryo may have grave consequences.....

In developed countries, we have excellent immunisation programme to protect pregnant woman....(our sec 4 girls receive them, and i think now the boys also get them)  But we may not be able to say so for developing or undeveloped countries.....

[Andrew ang525]

Hi Olivia, i'm keen to have kids. In stable relationship with my husband. U know local friends willing to donate eggs or partner us for child-bearing arrangements? We can work out the details. 

Sorry for interrupting your post...... Even if you can get egg donors, there are NO local gynae who can find you an surrogate mother....you still have to go USA, Ukraine or Nepal...

 

 

TOM, please private mail me if you want to discuss (i am planning for surrogacy too).  I am not agent, and i am merely exchanging notes to self help anyone who wants to shorten their learning curve in this tedious pursue.

Edited June 23, 2015 by Andrew ang525

[Guest Guest]

Sorry for interrupting your post...... Even if you can get egg donors, there are NO local gynae who can find you an surrogate mother....you still have to go USA, Ukraine or Nepal...

TOM, please private mail me if you want to discuss (i am planning for surrogacy too). I am not agent, and i am merely exchanging notes to self help anyone who wants to shorten their learning curve in this tedious pursue.

Andrew, you have been planning surrogacy since 30 yo. Now you already 50 yo plus...I was stunned to know you are still doing research n still keen on surrogacy.

[Guest Guest]

Hi Olivia, i'm keen to have kids. In stable relationship with my husband. U know local friends willing to donate eggs or partner us for child-bearing arrangements? We can work out the details.

Hi Tom,

As Olivia mentioned , If you have specific questions, you can reach out to her via the Rainbow Parents website or her blog http://olivia.thechiongs.com/

Pls take note.

[Andrew ang525]

Andrew, you have been planning surrogacy since 30 yo. Now you already 50 yo plus...I was stunned to know you are still doing research n still keen on surrogacy.

I consider the topic for more than 10 years,    (not quite since 30 yo, but when i was nearing 40) and i just past by 51st birthday....

 

Yes, the issue is super complex, plus i am a very indecisive person.....sigh.

[MisterD]

Perhaps it is time to make a decision? As a presumably single parent, it would be harder to raise a kid, especially when you are older. If we assume that a kid needs support until they enter the workforce, we are talking a 20-25 year commitment, ie until when you are in the 70s. We can never predict what life will bring, but it would be quite unfair to bring a kid into the world when there's a high risk that they may be left orphaned.

[upshot]

Thus the argument in these day and age of 7 Billions people and still rising at an alarming rate.

 

Having kids is about being benevolent or selfish?

 

You want a caregiver for your old age security or bring in someone to help the world?

 

I know of 3 guys all str8 with kids. They are still helping them with their debt, paid for their wonderful wedding as they could not afford it when the women felt they deserve a bigger wedding and 2 has to fork out deposit for their kid's first car. they are in their fifties now. They were helping their wonderful kids to get a "firm" start till in their 30s. Not that I am saying this is a regular issue but look at it this way at least in some consideration before you start thinking about having kids. Know why you really want them and know what to expect if things goes well... and go wrong.

 

We are the only nation i think where we have a court system that allow for parent to sue their kids for support. What does that say about us as a nation and future?

Edited June 24, 2015 by upshot

[Guest Guest]

It says a lot about the government, who will not provide for the elderly.

[Intended_dad]

Sure. I sent you a msg to your account already

Hi intended father,

I am looking into surrogacy and have sent you a msg. Hope to get a reply from you

[Andrew ang525]

Hi all

I planned to go for Surrogacy in Nepal.

I had contacted our singapore Gynaecologists who both recommended a certain place in Nepal...

I had work out (partially, still work in progress) the legal aspect, including how to get the baby back to singapore.

 

Bear in mind, Babies are given a Nepalese birth certificate but not citizenship of Nepal. The birth certificate states the name of the commissioning parents, and not the surrogate mother, where there is a commissioning mother. In the case of single men and same sex couples, only the name of the genetic father is on the birth certificate and the surrogate’s name is listed as mother.

 

 

Those interested to share notes with me can pm me.

 

I have also discussed in great details with surrogacy in US and Mexico..... but i cannot speak of their medical expertise.

 

Thailand is not EXACTLY closed.  The rule is you must be able to get your own surrogate mother who MUST NOT be a thailand citizen.  If you need more information, let me know.

[Intended Father]

Hi intended father,

I am looking into surrogacy and have sent you a msg. Hope to get a reply from you

Do you have line ?

[siloti]

This is informative.  Anyone has a compilation of overseas centre one can approach?  Any feedback on the agencies?  Are there anyone who has undergone surrogacy and do not mind sharing with us his experience, particularly how are the services of these agencies?

Thank you.

[Guest max_gladiator]

Hi,

 

I am new to this forum and I am interested to find out more about surrogacy. How do I contact people here? There is no "pm" icon to click. 

 

Sincerely,

 

mg

[azimuth]

Hi,

 

I am new to this forum and I am interested to find out more about surrogacy. How do I contact people here? There is no "pm" icon to click. 

 

Sincerely,

 

mg

 

You will need to create an account before you can send anyone a private message.

[Andrew ang525]

Surrogacy is a complex issues, most of us are not experience in this journey to become parent...... I hope more people will come together and contribute their thoughts and mutually helping one another.....

[Guest Guest]

I am keen to have kids with my hubby but scared the kids will have genetic defects. Can it be preventable by choosing the good sperms?

[Guest Guest]

I am keen to have kids with my hubby but scared the kids will have genetic defects. Can it be preventable by choosing the good sperms?

Yes, you can do that by sperms selection. Only good sperms will be chosen

[Andrew ang525]

How to do sperms selection, by morphology?

[siloti]

One can easily get passport for baby born in Nepal.  So, the route via Nepal is cleared no.

[Guest tinn]

One can easily get passport for baby born in Nepal.  So, the route via Nepal is cleared no.

 

so baby born in nepal can be singapore citizen? im also thinking to have baby with partner.

[Davidtim]

Hello i'm keen to know more about surrogacy. In a longterm relationship with my partner, both professionals. PM me. 

[Andrew ang525]

People who planned to go Nepal (and India) be very careful.  There are a lot of pitfalls from many of their centres, some simply dig gold from you.  If you merely get the name from Internet, you may not know if they are ethical or not.  Along the way, there could be issues that they ask you to send more money.  What if at the end of a few months, they inform you the pregnancy ends up in a stillbirth?

As a benefit to our community, I hope everyone come and share their research, there is nothing selfish about this, our quest is already difficult enough, and mutual help should benefit one another.