worldangel Posted July 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2016 Joke: The doctor... A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?" The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2016 Joke: A guy was driving when a policeman... A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: The blind date After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Remove the curse... An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Guys and Dolls Two drunk guys try to pick up some girls. The girls take the drunk guys home, slip blowup dolls into their beds and leave. The next morning, the one guy tells the other guy, "I think my girl was a witch! When I bit her on the tit, she hissed and flew away." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Reaching the end of a job interview... Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Wayne An blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the blonde girl. "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Two men went bear hunting Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: A police recruit was asked during ... A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said: "Call for backup." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: The three wishes... One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, Master!" The man was so happy, his first wish was, "I want a billion dollars!!!!!!" "Your wish has been granted, a billion dollars is now in your bank account." The man was even happier. "I want a beautiful woman!" "Your wish has been granted," the genie said and a beautiful woman appeared! "This is great!" said the man. Not wanting to waste his last wish, he decided to think about it for awhile longer. "I can't think of another wish right now, can I tell you later?" "Make it so, whenever you say your wish, it will be granted." The next day, the man was driving down the road, as happy as ever. He heard a popular commercial song on the radio and decided to sing along with it. "Oooooh, I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer weinerrr......" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Fallen bridge A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river. The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down. She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back. He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back." She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Do You Smoke? A prostitute says to a man, “Do you smoke after sex?” The man thinks for a moment, and then he says, “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: I Feel Like A New Man Coming out from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said out loud in the crowded waiting room, “I feel like a new man!” “I do too,” a middle-age woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old one.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 Joke: Winking Problem A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will NOT have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: The Bear Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!" His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Adventures in sky divingAmy was interested in learning how to sky dive. She approached an instructor and started her training. The instructor asked her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord. He then told her that he would himself jump right behind her so that they would sail down together. Amy said she was ready to jump. The instructor reminded her that he would be right behind her. Amy jumped from the plane, and after being airborne for a while, pulled the rip cord. The instructor jumped after her. He pulled his rip cord but there was some snag and the parachute did not open. The instructor, furiously tried to open his parachute and while trying to do so, rushed past Amy. Amy seeing this, undid the straps to her parachute and shouted, "So you are in the mood to race, huh?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) Joke: A police man pulls over a drunk driver ... A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies "I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop." Edited July 21, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Quiet A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be very quiet. I'll be across the field." A little while later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son asking, "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet." The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Panda In A Bar A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a Panda! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: No Wool Downstairs A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there." The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or have sex?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Types of milk Joe was visiting the country with his father. His father owned a farm house with some cows in it. Joe asks his father, "Hey dad, can you tell me what are the types of milk available. His father replied, "Hmmm...there is evaporated milk, malted milk, buttermilk, pasteurized milk, partly skimmed milk etc.....why do you wanna know?" Joe replies, "It's just that I am drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many spigots to put on her." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Blue Balls A week after their marriage, Phil and Jill (newlyweds) paid a visit to their doctor "I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said Phil. "My testicles are turning blue." "That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, Phil's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to Jill. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?" "Yes, I am," she replied. "And what kind of jelly are you using with it? "Grape." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) Joke: The strong young man at the construction ... The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in." Edited July 21, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) Joke: Missed it A busload of tourists arrives at Runnymede, just west of central London. They gather around the guide who says: “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A guy at the front of the crowd asks: "When did that happen?” “1215,” answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says: “Damn! Missed it by a half hour.” Edited July 21, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Deep Thoughts You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea. Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away. If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because hey, free dummy. I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those really high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals. Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing? He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven - with a gun." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Dr. Seuss What If Dr. Seuss was a Technical Writer? Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! You can't say this? What a shame sir! We'll find you another game sir. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Chuckie Chicken An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age it isn't anything we haven't seen before." "Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: Why are you crying? Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face. The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test." The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?" The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger." Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?" Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 Joke: The three wishes... One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, Master!" The man was so happy, his first wish was, "I want a billion dollars!!!!!!" "Your wish has been granted, a billion dollars is now in your bank account." The man was even happier. "I want a beautiful woman!" "Your wish has been granted," the genie said and a beautiful woman appeared! "This is great!" said the man. Not wanting to waste his last wish, he decided to think about it for awhile longer. "I can't think of another wish right now, can I tell you later?" "Make it so, whenever you say your wish, it will be granted." The next day, the man was driving down the road, as happy as ever. He heard a popular commercial song on the radio and decided to sing along with it. "Oooooh, I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer weinerrr......" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: Two blondes are walking down the street ... Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and picks it up. She opens it and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see it." So the first blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the compact and says, "You dumb ass, it's me! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: Airplane cleaner Derrick was an airplane cleaner and he always had one desire - to fly an airplane himself. So, one morning he arrives at work early and while cleaning, finds a book in the cockpit titled "Guide to fly an airplane for Dummies Part 1". He opens the book and starts reading, "First press the green button on right to start the engine." He does that and the engine starts. He turns to Page 2 and it reads, "Press brown button to start airplane moving on runway." He does that and the airplane starts moving ahead and catches speed. He goes to Page 3 and it reads, "Press the red button to take off the airplane in the air." He does that and the airplane is flying. He starts turning the pilot's joystick and the airplane begins circling, going up and down and Derrick is having the time of his life! He then decides to land the airplane before anyone finds out what he has been up to. He turns to the next page and finds the following printed in bold: "To land the plane successfully go to the nearby book store and buy Part 2 of Guide to fly an airplane for Dummies." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: Hamburger A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!" So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: A guy drove to the beach and ... A guy drove to the beach and parked his car close to the water's edge - not realizing it was Low Tide - then he went for a long hike up into the mountains. During his excursion, High Tide came and then receded - completely submersing his car for a period of time in the process. When he finally returned to his car - he became very concerned when he found out that he had Tuna in his Mercury! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: Do Your Boobs? One day this guy named Dan was sitting in class next to a really hot girl named Jen. He was a dork but had a huge chrush on Jen. Dan wanted to tell her about his chrush on her but didn't know how to. So he said "Are your boobs so hard that when you touch them your fingers start bleeding?" Jen was totally grossed out and said in reply "I guess you've never seen boobs before" **The End** Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: First hand job A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way. "Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?" "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!" He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?" "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that." So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain. "What's wrong?!" she cries out. "Take your thumb off the end!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) Joke: Slow People in the Subway The thing I hate the most about the subway is every time I get off the train and I’m trying to get out of the station and back up to the street, I end up getting stuck behind these really slow people on the stairs. It happens to me every time I take the subway. It’s been happening to me for years. And my question is this: how the hell do they keep beating me to the stairway? Edited July 22, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: University rash A girl goes to see Doctor Jones. The doctor examines her and notices that she has a rash on her chest. As Dr. Jones examines the rash, he notices that the rash is in the shape of an "H". To his wonder, the girl tells him, "My boyfriend goes to Harvard and he likes to wear his varsity letter sweater when we make love." He prescribes some cream and sends her on her way. After a few days, Dr. Jones is attending to another girl with a rash on her chest; only this time it is in the shape of a "S". To his amazement, she tells him a similar story, "My boyfriend attends Stanford and he likes to wear his varsity letter sweater when we make love." He prescribes the same treatment for this girl and sends her home. Much to his surprise, a few days later another girl goes to his office with a rash on her chest. The doctor notices that her rash is in the shape of an "M". As she begins to explain how she got the rash, he interrupts her by saying, "Let me guess. Your boyfriend goes to Missouri and he likes to wear his varsity letter sweater when you make love." The girl grins back and replies, "No, my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: A teacher in a political science... A teacher in a political science class asked the students, "Who is the most powerful person in the US?" A student answered, "The First Pet?" The teacher then asked, "Why?" The student explained, "Because, the president kneels before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him, prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him, and boards Airforce One first." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Joke: Erection This poor guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change. All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news. Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him. "Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!" "Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: The horse... This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and swacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He asks, 'What was that for?' She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?' He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.' She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. He says, 'What's that for this time?' She answered, 'Your horse called.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Do You Serve Lawyers? A man walked into a bar, leading an alligator by a leash. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," said the bartender. "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Lawyer Vacancy There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Doctor: You're in good health.... Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Lawyer Vacancy There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Orchestra attendance The Dennis community orchestra in Ohio was beleaguered by attendance problems. There were many musicians who remained absent at rehearsals. All players in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one sincere violin player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal came to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank Jack, the violinist for his faithful attendance. Jack, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the final performance." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 (edited) Joke: Blondes To The Moon At a press conference the Brunettes announce they are going to make a trip to the Moon. The Redheads speak up "That's been done before, we're going to go to Mars". The Blondes speak up "That's nothing, we're going to be the first people to go to the Sun". One of the reporters says "Don't you idiots know that you'll burn up?" The Blondes say "NO WE WON'T; WE'RE GOING TO GO AT NIGHT!" Edited July 23, 2016 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Held ransom A girl had invented a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!". Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go. Well one day a Newfoundlander broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding the sign "$50 or I'll bite." The Newfoundlander just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Commitment phobia! Judy : I fail to understand what makes men so scared of commitment! Vinnie : You are telling me! I dated this guy for a two years, and finally had to give him an ultimatum. Judy: What did you tell him? Vinnie: I just told him, "Look, you better tell me your last name, or its quits!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: A stranger's advice A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home. My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night." The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning." The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!" "Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Joke: Price Check on Tampax When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please." As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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