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Is it wrong to have fun with married man? Will you avoid it?


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1 hour ago, fab said:

The married man is more wrong.

More wrong..?!  As I’m sure you’re aware, sex between men is against the law in this fine country so you, me, everyone on this forum is doing things that are wrong in the eyes of the good lord and against good old traditional family values my friend, whether we’re married, or gay and single.. how can you define what or who is more wrong?!

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Guest Marriage

If a married woman and a married man have fun together leh? Is it wrong? And if the married woman's husband is the brother of the married man's sister leh, is it wrong?

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Guest Sofa

If someone jerked and stained your favourite sofa leh?

 

If someone cummed on your favourite pillow leh?

 

Or if someone use your toothbrush leh?

 

Or if someone wear your underwear leh?

 

And if that someone is someone like pat leung kam leh or William Hung leh? 

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Takes to hand to clap. If it's wrong for a married man to play with a gay man, it's wrong for a gay man to play with other woman's hubby too. No right or wrong in my point of view. Play but don't feel guilty as the other party is a willing party I believe. Currently I'm eyeing one married guy at my workplace but he is damn str8. Is it wrong?  No coz eyeing only may, I mean admire him from far. Not into touchy or what as its not appropriate in this case.

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19 hours ago, Singapore Sinner said:

I'm a married guy who plays occasionally and here's my thoughts / experiences:

  1. Don't get involved emotionally, I'm not looking for emotional attachment.
  2. Although I love sucking dick, I'm never going to feel love for another man.  I can only feel those emotions for ladies but that doesn't stop me liking a dick in my mouth occasionally.
  3. I try to stick to meeting with just one guy - less risk of being found out and I like to feel comfortable when playing.. I don't want to go through the '1st time nervousness' each time, wondering who you're going to meet with, is he going to be a jerk, is he going to cause me trouble.. just meet up with my regular guy, catch up on the news, then get naked.
  4. I do feel guilty afterwards and may go quiet for a while before contacting him but I soon get the urge to play again.  If we go a while without playing, no big deal, we just carry on where we left off, no questions asked.
  5. He knows I'm married, I know he's gay and single, he plays around with other guys fairly regularly, but other than knowing that, we don't ask what the other one gets up to.  He says I give awesome bj's, he rims me, I love sucking his dick, that's all that matters to us.
  6. We're getting closer to him fucking me (only oral up to now).. I stopped last time after he'd spent ages getting my hole ready (which was a lot of fun!).. I really want him to fuck me but am scared of taking that step..  if and when he does fuck me, not sure if that will mean I've had my fun, had my fix, done all I want to do and will stop seeing him, or it may mean I start again with another guy, or maybe we'll just carry on, not sure.
  7. In my mind, I hold all of the cards and we meet up when I want to.. I placed the ad, he responded, as far as I'm concerned, this is all about what I need and when I want it.  This isn't meant to sound selfish and arrogant at all.. I was curious what it would be like to be with a guy, and will only do what I want to do.  If I don't want to meet with him, I ignore his emails.  When I want to meet, he always responds straight away and we meet up within a couple of days.

So this works for me and my situation, seems to work for him too.  Met with a few guys before, and the guy I refer to above is the only guy I've met with more than once.. we've probably met up 6-8 times.

 

 

Same.

 

Also I don't really like my marriage.

I quitted for quite a long time and actually intended to quit for good till I get into this quarrel that cannot be undone. Then here I am again.

 

Do I hate my wife? Not really but don't feel much love any more but I still care and still pamper her if she is not showing her colours. Otherwise we just ignore each other and do our stuff.

 

she's just different from other women or my relative/friend's wife.  She don't show affection to me , cares only about herself. Gets moody out of nowhere.  Can't take care of my son. Basically someone you don't want as a wife if you know that she is this kind of person.

 

We only knew each other for about 1 year before married so...maybe I am to blame to marry her.

 

Am I perfect? no but let's just say that besides not being rich and bi, I am probably a damn good and hands on husband. 

 

The best thing that came out of this marriage is my 3 year ago son. Man is he cute and adorable.

 

 

 

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19 hours ago, Singapore Sinner said:

I'm a married guy who plays occasionally and here's my thoughts / experiences:

  1. Don't get involved emotionally, I'm not looking for emotional attachment.
  2. Although I love sucking dick, I'm never going to feel love for another man.  I can only feel those emotions for ladies but that doesn't stop me liking a dick in my mouth occasionally.
  3. I try to stick to meeting with just one guy - less risk of being found out and I like to feel comfortable when playing.. I don't want to go through the '1st time nervousness' each time, wondering who you're going to meet with, is he going to be a jerk, is he going to cause me trouble.. just meet up with my regular guy, catch up on the news, then get naked.
  4. I do feel guilty afterwards and may go quiet for a while before contacting him but I soon get the urge to play again.  If we go a while without playing, no big deal, we just carry on where we left off, no questions asked.
  5. He knows I'm married, I know he's gay and single, he plays around with other guys fairly regularly, but other than knowing that, we don't ask what the other one gets up to.  He says I give awesome bj's, he rims me, I love sucking his dick, that's all that matters to us.
  6. We're getting closer to him fucking me (only oral up to now).. I stopped last time after he'd spent ages getting my hole ready (which was a lot of fun!).. I really want him to fuck me but am scared of taking that step..  if and when he does fuck me, not sure if that will mean I've had my fun, had my fix, done all I want to do and will stop seeing him, or it may mean I start again with another guy, or maybe we'll just carry on, not sure.
  7. In my mind, I hold all of the cards and we meet up when I want to.. I placed the ad, he responded, as far as I'm concerned, this is all about what I need and when I want it.  This isn't meant to sound selfish and arrogant at all.. I was curious what it would be like to be with a guy, and will only do what I want to do.  If I don't want to meet with him, I ignore his emails.  When I want to meet, he always responds straight away and we meet up within a couple of days.

So this works for me and my situation, seems to work for him too.  Met with a few guys before, and the guy I refer to above is the only guy I've met with more than once.. we've probably met up 6-8 times.

Thanks mate for sharing those feelings and perspectives 🙏 That helps to explain why he would still text and care about me every day but wouldn't meet often when I expressed more emotional attachment 😔

 

Guess need to be less expressive so that he won't be guilty to meet then 😅

 

For me, there is no right or wrong so long the connection between the 2 is not affecting the married's responsibilities. And I wouldn't avoid them, so long the connection is not interfered or distracting my works and other personal interests.

 

Personally feel that "Right" or "Wrong" to tag the relationship of 2 persons is just a tool commonly used by manipulators who need to make their presence noticeable to the public by flagging the values that resonate correspondingly to feelings that pile up deep inside a lot of folks namely obsession, jealousy, neglection, greed, hatred, laziness, etc.

 

Hope not confusing you all...😅 Ermm..how to put it into words.. Ok.. when one stand out and say "Married guy is wrong to have extramarital affairs", generally who are the ones that would stand out and firmly support that? Are those who support strongly can all of them firmly claim that their stands have nothing to do with those feeling I mentioned earlier deep underneath them?

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Guest Derrick
18 hours ago, Guest Wife said:

If someone have fun with your married brother leh?

 

 

Cannot.

 

Only I play with others husband can.

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Guest spare a thought
3 hours ago, Eded90838 said:

I like to be played by married men, just find them more attractive.

 

Did you ever spare a thought that you might prefer or find married guys more attractive to unmarried gays because you never accepted yourself as a gay or look down on being gay? 

 

What difference does a married man offer to an unmarried man or gay man?

 

Your attractions to married men might be a result of a negative connotation you developed for gays and psychologically denigrating your own homosexuality. 

 

Liberate yourself from societal norms or societal negative views on homosexuality. 

 

Did you ever spare a thought?

 

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22 hours ago, Singapore Sinner said:

More wrong..?!  As I’m sure you’re aware, sex between men is against the law in this fine country so you, me, everyone on this forum is doing things that are wrong in the eyes of the good lord and against good old traditional family values my friend, whether we’re married, or gay and single.. how can you define what or who is more wrong?!

 

When he is married,  he is supposed to be monogamous legally. 

 

I don't need to explain to you he is morally wrong too right.

 

 

Here there is no need to even involve orientation. 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Guest Derelict
4 hours ago, yuquidam said:

Some times got to leh...either because of feng shui or orientate for a more shiok position ar...

keke 

Which position is the luckiest?  

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Yes I stopped seeing a guy once I found out he's married. I did not become angry with him, I did not fight with him. I just cut him off. Would not answer his whatapp messages and blocked him.

But that's just me.

Plenty of single gay men out there waiting for me. Why should I sleep with a married man? 

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Guest tina turnip

there is no law punishing adulterous behaviour in Singapore unlike Taiwan, Korea and Japan. 

 

so no wrong or right. 

 

 

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On 5/13/2021 at 9:04 AM, transmissionsm said:

....

The best thing that came out of this marriage is my 3 year ago son. Man is he cute and adorable.

A son...am really happy for you, bro! 

 

Do maintain a cordial relationship with son's mother, especially in front of child. This ensures a happy and healthy childhood for son. I believe son will grow up to be the pride of his parents.:)

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  • 2 months later...

To me, it's pure mutual respect and understanding.. He has needs, I hv the urges.. Both are consenting adults. We agreed to what we want on and off the bed. 

 

We meet, we released, we part ways. 

 

He goes back home and pretends nothing happens. 

 

We still whatsapp on and off. 

 

No emotion baggage 

No complications 

No arguments 

Edited by single42
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On 5/14/2021 at 2:36 PM, yuquidam said:

Creative mind, amazing art, depraved soul but I like!..Keke 

 

Care to share the source/origin of this very unique art piece? By a modern artist or discovered from ancient times? 👇

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samantabhadrī_(tutelary)

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Guest Guest
1 hour ago, BudakFit said:

Married man are always curious and love to be fuck. As long there is no feelings involved it is fine. No drama shit. It is like bromance backdoor haha most importantly friendship is there. 

Quite true tho. 

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Guest 犯贱冰冰

As long as the married man's KuKuJiao is fresh, then ok, married or not no issue. 

 

Maybe the wife cannot satisfy him mah, what to do?  We help him relieve and hold his marriage intact, we are to be thanked profusely by his useless wife.

 

That time there was a CEO right? Asked the vendor to suck his KuKuJiao in his car. He also married mah.  When he was trial, the wife also came out to support him.

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Pursuing some kind of relationship with a married man is limiting yourself. You deserve more and better than just a sexual encounter. The married man is not going to leave his wife for you, or risk having his finely crafted image of a happily married man tarnished by having his cover blown. 

 

If you accept the limitations and believe that you do not deserved to be loved, or worthy of someone, then by all means, it is your prerogative. 

 

Sure, it is ok to have a fling with someone who is married. I supposed there is some fascination with a man whose dick has been inside a pussy which I don't really get. Like most of you, I pass through one when I was born, and have no intention of turning back. 

 

Maybe it is some form of association, that by being with a married man, he may rub off some of his heterosexuality into you. Who knows? 

 

Still, as a gay man, you deserve better. You deserve your chance of happiness and fulfillment.

Edited by doncoin

Love. 

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Months back, I was heading home by feet because it was late in the night and there were no more buses. 

 

Passed by this park and outside one of the toilets, was this tall man loitering. He gestured me to follow him into the toilet. I was curious, thus, I followed.

 

He stood by the urinal and whipped out his dick and played with it. I was in awe. I approached and helped him stroke his cock. Out of nowhere, he showed me his wedding ring, and said he was married. I was doubtful. Thinking he probably put on a "wedding ring", to make himself "more desirable". 

 

Fast forward, I was at one of the neighbourhood shopping malls in my estate. I took the escalator up. As the escalator was moving up, to my right, I see this very familiar figure. Along with him, was a woman and a child. It was then that it hit me. It was that man, the man who claimed to be married.

 

Who knew he was speaking the truth. 

 

 

Hit me up if you have similar experiences. Or if you are a married man.

 

Edited by ohwells
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On 5/13/2021 at 9:04 AM, transmissionsm said:

 

 

Same.

 

Also I don't really like my marriage.

I quitted for quite a long time and actually intended to quit for good till I get into this quarrel that cannot be undone. Then here I am again.

 

Do I hate my wife? Not really but don't feel much love any more but I still care and still pamper her if she is not showing her colours. Otherwise we just ignore each other and do our stuff.

 

she's just different from other women or my relative/friend's wife.  She don't show affection to me , cares only about herself. Gets moody out of nowhere.  Can't take care of my son. Basically someone you don't want as a wife if you know that she is this kind of person.

 

We only knew each other for about 1 year before married so...maybe I am to blame to marry her.

 

Am I perfect? no but let's just say that besides not being rich and bi, I am probably a damn good and hands on husband. 

 

The best thing that came out of this marriage is my 3 year ago son. Man is he cute and adorable.

 

 

 

I feel you, man

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On 7/29/2021 at 12:32 AM, notd said:

Here's a personal experience of mine. It's long, bear with me.

 

Last year, I had a short-lived friends-with-benefits arrangement with a friend of mine. 2020 was a rather tumultuous year for me, particularly during the mid of 2020. With lockdown affecting everyone left, right and center, I was no exception too. Being a freelancer, I was struggling to make a living because all of my usual clients were halting their projects and sourcing their projects internally. Put simply, there were months where I earned nothing. On a good month, I'd earn a few hundreds but that was it. The good news is I live with my parents, and we all contributed what money we have from a month to relief each other of any household burdens.

 

Despite the fact that I lived with my family however, my family was going through its battles too. Particularly, my brother had gotten married not long ago and was living with us. Initially, the experience was okay. Over time however, it became apparent that the lockdown took a toll on everyone's mental health. My brother was quite the bully at home, and my parents feared him even though they were the ones who financially sponsored him and bought him a house a few houses down from the family home. Mind you, my brother is a man in his late 30s, helping out with his dad's business, barely financially stable or getting it together and rushing in marriage then family planning. My parents' initial plan was to buy him a home not far away, get him to move out so we can all resume our lives as usual. But the lockdown delayed the construction of his new home, and weeks became months. To make matters worse, my sister in law announced she was pregnant. It was a bittersweet moment for everyone, because we knew the days ahead would be tough as nails, in a bad way. There was a brief period where all economic sectors in KL were allowed to resume, and the construction went on. Somewhere along the way however, the contractor start embezzling money from my parents. Promises were suddenly unfulfilled and there was a brief scuffle between the family and the contractor. To cut the story short, my parents and brother, fearing that the contractor might come back at them with a vendetta, decided to end things amicably despite knowing full well they had suffered 10k in financial losses.

 

Around the time the lockdown was momentarily lifted, I had found a job, courtesy of a friend of mine. It wasn't what I wanted, considering it offered a fresher's pay, but I took it because it beat having zero clients and earning measly hundreds monthly. But the job offer didn't last long. You see, the job that I took had outrageous KPIs, expecting me to prioritize quantity over quality. I was not one to turn in my work half-assed. My boss knew I meant well and cherish my contributions, but nearing the first month of my probation, we both agreed this wasn't working out. On the week the bad news was delivered to me, I was crushed. 

 

The family drama hadn't ceased, and I had no social support that were immediately made available to me. At that point, I was already a year into BW forums, and joined the BW group chat. I was aware of certain members in that group chat, and acquainted myself with someone decent and oh-so my type. That particular day I was crushed, I needed someone to talk to, someone proper. Instead, I reached out to the acquaintance from the group chat, hit him up and asked if I could come over to chat. I told him I was looking to hook up, and he merely obliged.

 

I took a 45 mins - an hour's drive to his place. Not sure what the hell what I was doing, yet deep down not heeding the voices in my head well enough. When I got to his place, I was greeted with a contemporary-looking apartment. Your usual high-end residences with some bourgeois name. I registered myself at the guardhouse, parked my car at the visitor's parking lot, made my way up to his unit. I rang the door bell, and was greeted with a pleasantly dressed guy, grinning at me and ushering me in.

 

He was hospitable throughout my stay there. Offering me lunch because he knew I hadn't eaten. Pouring me a glass of water. Despite knowing I was there to get sexual with him, he treated me like any other guests. Instead of moving about awkwardly and not knowing what to do, he made me feel at home. We talked for an hour or two, and I poured my heart out to him, how I felt completely lonely and unsupported throughout the lockdown because my family has its fair share of drama already.

 

What he gave me was a safe space, and I spoke without inhibition for the first time in that year. An hour or two went by, when things started to settle down, we talked about more casual stuffs. It was then I learned he was married, not to a lady. No, he was married to man. An actual marriage. He and his husband had registered overseas.  I thought... wait, if you're married, wouldn't this be wrong? Turns out, his husband was overseas, settling in and working to get a PR. When things had stabilized, he would then move over to join his husband. He made it clear that he and his hubby were in an open relationship. 

 

I knew I had to get out of there, but lust, grief and confusion altogether overtook all sense of logic at that point. And before I knew it, we were getting cozy and intimate with one another. A few smooches, a few kisses, a slip n' slide of the tongue here and there. A bit of the shirt lifted up, then two bare bodies, and well, the rest was history. I was there for foreplay, but as I've said before, grief clouded my judgment. I don't know what came over me, before I knew it, I told him to take me. 

 

I was a virgin up to that point of my life, never experienced any penetrative sex. I thought to myself, if I didn't force myself to have penetrative sex with someone, by the time I meet the right guy and have sex with him, he might be put off by my inexperience with sex. The married guy was thorough and gentle all the way through. He was sexually accepting of me in every unconditional manner possible. I kept apologizing whenever he failed to enter me, because I knew it was my mind protecting me from hurting myself. But a few tries later, some fingering and loosening up, the mind gave up protecting me. He entered me, and it was painful, though pleasurable at the end. 

 

That was really just the start of everything wrong. Since meeting him, we have slept with one another 5 times. 3 times which were penetrative sex, the remainder merely foreplay. I'll get to that in a bit. Point is, he knew of my struggles, and offered me a place of solace to escape for a few hours. Since he lived with his housmate, who happened to be gay too, he said I was welcome to bunk in whenever I wanted. That was kept me going back to him. Whenever things got a little crazy at home, I spent the night at his place.

 

Between July to late August, I was spending at least 3-4 Fridays at his place, usually returning home on Sat evening or Sunday morning under the pretense that it was too unsafe for me drive long distance at night. All the times I've spent sleeping over at his place, we shared the same bed. We both knew what it meant to sleep on the same bed together. And I think his housemate knew of the hanky panky we engaged in. I could have insisted on bunking in on the hard couch, but I went with him to his bedroom. We would strip and shower, then go onto the bed, cuddle under the sheets. Then the same thing happens smooches and kisses, licks and sucks, right down to fucks and moans.

 

Sex is sacred to me. Particularly because I have always maintained a "sex for your boyfriend only" principle. I would want to have sex with someone who's in a committed relationship with me, but I betrayed my own principle. There I was, having my cherry popped by a guy I barely knew. Despite his efforts to make me feel comfortable and human, I knew it was wrong. But I went back for seconds and thirds. The second time was when I thoroughly enjoyed my sex with him. I don't know what happened that night, apart from the usual hanky panky, he helped me enjoy sex for the first time in my life. Perhaps it was the position we assumed. He had fucked me at the edge of his bed and that particular angle allowed his head to hit my g-spot so hard that it made feel me like I was in heaven. After that session, we cleaned up, went back to cuddling. He drifted back to sleep soon enough, but I was conflicted with what I felt.

 

"Why did I allow myself to sleep with him the second time?" I asked myself. The fact that I went back again meant I was comfortable with him, more importantly, it meant I felt safe with him. Above all, it confirmed my worst fears, I was putting emotions into our tryst. I turned over and looked at him face, and realized my heart moved a little. Despite knowing each other for 2 weeks then, I was beginning to form some attachments towards him. 

 

Things became even more blurry by then. After our second rendezvous, I complicated matters further by introducing a gay friend who lived nearby him to him. This gay friend was like a little brother of mine. He too had a dysfunctional family, he lives with his mother (parents are divorced) and the mom is constantly taking it out on him. I thought to myself, if I can't physically be there for you, perhaps this married guy could. What was I thinking anyway? I can never tell, but I guess I was trying to be do something good. Outside of sex, the married guy was everything I had hoped for. Intellectual, conversational, very much into gaming like me and enjoys boardgames. He loved cooking too. It was a fit, but alas, it is what it is. He's married and his husband was overseas planning for their future.

 

The only wrong I ever did was developed some feelings for him. He and his husband were fucking different people at different places at the same time. They were emotionally mature enough to handle that sort of complicated relationship. I wasn't, I wanted something simple and sacred if you will, but at that point, my relationship with the married man was anything but sacred. If any, I was on an emotional drug.

 

At this point, you must be thinking. Omg, can you just cut to the chase and answer the damn question. I will. Or, you may be thinking, why didn't you just pull the trigger and cut things off? I couldn't. Everytime I tried to, I was somehow reeled back in. The married guy is super open to sex. He relishes in it. He's on PreP, practices safe sex, goes for monthly STIs if he's active. But what made it super difficult to cut things off, was the fact that our interactions had no line drawn between them. It was a complicated thing. We were more than friends with benefits but lesser than lovers. The interactions, the texts, the daily checking ons, the way we held each others' hands while we were getting at it, it was all too hard for me to cut things off. I thought I could count on myself to cut things off when it counted, but boy was I horribly wrong. 

 

The last time we had anal sex, it was nothing special. A heated afternoon, two guys sweating in guest room with volume 3 fan spinning above us. The sex was somewhat aggressive and rough, the lubrication was poor. And I had lost those feelings because the conflict grew stronger. The only takeway from my 3rd sex with him was, I learned how or how NOT to ride someone. Thankfully he was forgiving as always. 

 

The remainder times, if you are still reading up to this point, is like I said, foreplay. Clean and simple. The last 2 times happened hours apart. One during midnight and another during the morning wood vibes. That night, we had the house to ourselves. His housemate had went back to his hometown for the long weekend and he was all by himself. He had hinted about wanting me to come over. I could have suggested everything kinky that ever came to mind. 

 

"Let's go up to the sky garden and fuck naked," and satiate my curiosity of an outdoor sex.

 

"Let's fuck by the windows in the dark," and fulfill my curiosity of what it's like to potentially be seen someone.

 

"Let's do it bareback," and wonder how it's like to feel the thrill.

 

Or simply moan our hearts out. Neither of that happened. 

 

I found myself thinking that I couldn't go on like this any longer. It didn't matter that he and his hubby were open. It didn't matter that his hubby minded or didn't mind. None of it concerned me. But I was wrought with guilt. I would never dream of being a homewrecker, and there I was, defeating that account up to three times then. The softest landing I could afford myself was foreplay and no more. 

 

There was one night, my friend and I together went to his house. It was the same night we had two foreplay sessions hours apart. He had hosted a close dinner party with his 2 straight friends along with us. I bought food, he facetimed his hubby over dinner. Everyone greeted him, including my friend. I merely forced a smile. I don't know if I was reading too much into things, but his husband's eye contact suggested he was less than receptive to my presence. Maybe he was just being foreign with a stranger, god knows. 

 

My friend knew of our escapades and warned me that I was setting myself up for a world of hurt. But by then, he had taken a liking to the married guy. He regarded him as a mentor of sorts. Nothing sexual for sure. At one point, I lost this friend over the married guy too. This is a story I will not delve into deeply, but it is my fault. My friend had unintentionally exposed me in front of the married guy that I had feelings for him. I think the married guy knew, but never confronted my openly. We fought, and never spoke again. My friend still has my shirt with him and refuses to return it, but oh well.

 

That period, I "ghosted" on the married guy, and he was upset. He implied that I had vanished for a bit, but didn't push on. I had intended to come clean to him, but couldn't find the courage to do so. Thankfully, he wasn't the grudgeful type. Soon, we were back to being friends, minus the sex.

 

All that happened close to 9-10 months ago. And I still hadn't told him what happened. He said his plans to migrate are realizing day by day, and perhaps he would be gone in a year or two. I often wondered if I would come clean to him then, but I guess some things are better left unspoken. I paid him a visit at his place sometime in May. Having spent time apart from each other and steel/rationalized my feelings, I was able to see him as nothing but a good friend.

 

He's still fucking around these days, not that it's good or bad thing. He recounted his sexual rendezvous at a well-known commercial gym. Some boy caught his eye, snuck into his cubicle and fucked him. He speaks of his experience as it were nothing. He spoke of the same fondness about his experience with his gym fling. When asked if he felt more about the guy, he refused to define it, but acknowledges he wished something more had happen. That was enough to convince me that I was but a tool in our tryst too.

 

I don't know if it's right for me to say this, but part of me wished I could turn back time and undo my popping-the-cherry experience. I didn't mind if I was inexperienced, but I wished I could take it all back. It's not regrets speaking, perhaps self-love. Only a few close friends knew of my encounter with him, and they understood what I felt. Some had offered their two cents that he was a "pro" in sweet talking and getting people hooked onto him. In a way, you could say I was being taken advantage of. I was emotionally vulnerable and he could have rejected me, but went with it. The only reason I would never say that openly, is that the sex was and always has been consensual, no matter how ill-informed I was. 

 

Sometimes, I worry what would my future boyfriend think about me. I know the saying "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind," applies. But I guess I'm still disappointed in myself one way or the other, but that's my own demons to fight now. 

 

We live and let learn after all. 

 

To end this long, diverted digression. The answer to the question, is it wrong to sleep with a married man? My answer is no, but can you draw a line for yourself is what I'm asking. I wholeheartedly agree with doncoin's post that you deserve happiness, and continuing to delude yourself will only lead you to more pain. 

 

Some posts here talk about how they make things clear with their flings, good for you if you're able to keep emotions and sex separate. Some of us can't. And no matter how much you try to draw a line, we're emotional beings at the end of the day. Friends-with-benefits or fuck buddies usually go two ways, they either stay the way they are, or someone catches feelings and fall for one another. At which point the question that begs to be heard is, do you take a chance on each other and proceed romantically, or risk cutting one party off and going through a world of hurt? 

 

I don't know many people who can remain indifferent to their feelings. I could be wrong, but most of the elderly gay men I've known, gay married or straight married, have at one point confessed they were in love with their male (fuck) partners, and wished they could be with them. Some have outright professed they regretted their life choices. But that's another story to be told.

 

My last words. Just don't do something that would hurt yourself. 

Don't u think meeting him to destress due to your family issues is an excuse. Who do u turn to now? It's a lesson for all who read this..anyway, thanks for the "long" share. Take care ya.

Edited by cutejack
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On 7/29/2021 at 12:32 AM, notd said:

Here's a personal experience of mine. It's long, bear with me.

 

Last year, I had a short-lived friends-with-benefits arrangement with a friend of mine. 2020 was a rather tumultuous year for me, particularly during the mid of 2020. With lockdown affecting everyone left, right and center, I was no exception too. Being a freelancer, I was struggling to make a living because all of my usual clients were halting their projects and sourcing their projects internally. Put simply, there were months where I earned nothing. On a good month, I'd earn a few hundreds but that was it. The good news is I live with my parents, and we all contributed what money we have from a month to relief each other of any household burdens.

 

Despite the fact that I lived with my family however, my family was going through its battles too. Particularly, my brother had gotten married not long ago and was living with us. Initially, the experience was okay. Over time however, it became apparent that the lockdown took a toll on everyone's mental health. My brother was quite the bully at home, and my parents feared him even though they were the ones who financially sponsored him and bought him a house a few houses down from the family home. Mind you, my brother is a man in his late 30s, helping out with his dad's business, barely financially stable or getting it together and rushing in marriage then family planning. My parents' initial plan was to buy him a home not far away, get him to move out so we can all resume our lives as usual. But the lockdown delayed the construction of his new home, and weeks became months. To make matters worse, my sister in law announced she was pregnant. It was a bittersweet moment for everyone, because we knew the days ahead would be tough as nails, in a bad way. There was a brief period where all economic sectors in KL were allowed to resume, and the construction went on. Somewhere along the way however, the contractor start embezzling money from my parents. Promises were suddenly unfulfilled and there was a brief scuffle between the family and the contractor. To cut the story short, my parents and brother, fearing that the contractor might come back at them with a vendetta, decided to end things amicably despite knowing full well they had suffered 10k in financial losses.

 

Around the time the lockdown was momentarily lifted, I had found a job, courtesy of a friend of mine. It wasn't what I wanted, considering it offered a fresher's pay, but I took it because it beat having zero clients and earning measly hundreds monthly. But the job offer didn't last long. You see, the job that I took had outrageous KPIs, expecting me to prioritize quantity over quality. I was not one to turn in my work half-assed. My boss knew I meant well and cherish my contributions, but nearing the first month of my probation, we both agreed this wasn't working out. On the week the bad news was delivered to me, I was crushed. 

 

The family drama hadn't ceased, and I had no social support that were immediately made available to me. At that point, I was already a year into BW forums, and joined the BW group chat. I was aware of certain members in that group chat, and acquainted myself with someone decent and oh-so my type. That particular day I was crushed, I needed someone to talk to, someone proper. Instead, I reached out to the acquaintance from the group chat, hit him up and asked if I could come over to chat. I told him I was looking to hook up, and he merely obliged.

 

I took a 45 mins - an hour's drive to his place. Not sure what the hell what I was doing, yet deep down not heeding the voices in my head well enough. When I got to his place, I was greeted with a contemporary-looking apartment. Your usual high-end residences with some bourgeois name. I registered myself at the guardhouse, parked my car at the visitor's parking lot, made my way up to his unit. I rang the door bell, and was greeted with a pleasantly dressed guy, grinning at me and ushering me in.

 

He was hospitable throughout my stay there. Offering me lunch because he knew I hadn't eaten. Pouring me a glass of water. Despite knowing I was there to get sexual with him, he treated me like any other guests. Instead of moving about awkwardly and not knowing what to do, he made me feel at home. We talked for an hour or two, and I poured my heart out to him, how I felt completely lonely and unsupported throughout the lockdown because my family has its fair share of drama already.

 

What he gave me was a safe space, and I spoke without inhibition for the first time in that year. An hour or two went by, when things started to settle down, we talked about more casual stuffs. It was then I learned he was married, not to a lady. No, he was married to man. An actual marriage. He and his husband had registered overseas.  I thought... wait, if you're married, wouldn't this be wrong? Turns out, his husband was overseas, settling in and working to get a PR. When things had stabilized, he would then move over to join his husband. He made it clear that he and his hubby were in an open relationship. 

 

I knew I had to get out of there, but lust, grief and confusion altogether overtook all sense of logic at that point. And before I knew it, we were getting cozy and intimate with one another. A few smooches, a few kisses, a slip n' slide of the tongue here and there. A bit of the shirt lifted up, then two bare bodies, and well, the rest was history. I was there for foreplay, but as I've said before, grief clouded my judgment. I don't know what came over me, before I knew it, I told him to take me. 

 

I was a virgin up to that point of my life, never experienced any penetrative sex. I thought to myself, if I didn't force myself to have penetrative sex with someone, by the time I meet the right guy and have sex with him, he might be put off by my inexperience with sex. The married guy was thorough and gentle all the way through. He was sexually accepting of me in every unconditional manner possible. I kept apologizing whenever he failed to enter me, because I knew it was my mind protecting me from hurting myself. But a few tries later, some fingering and loosening up, the mind gave up protecting me. He entered me, and it was painful, though pleasurable at the end. 

 

That was really just the start of everything wrong. Since meeting him, we have slept with one another 5 times. 3 times which were penetrative sex, the remainder merely foreplay. I'll get to that in a bit. Point is, he knew of my struggles, and offered me a place of solace to escape for a few hours. Since he lived with his housmate, who happened to be gay too, he said I was welcome to bunk in whenever I wanted. That was kept me going back to him. Whenever things got a little crazy at home, I spent the night at his place.

 

Between July to late August, I was spending at least 3-4 Fridays at his place, usually returning home on Sat evening or Sunday morning under the pretense that it was too unsafe for me drive long distance at night. All the times I've spent sleeping over at his place, we shared the same bed. We both knew what it meant to sleep on the same bed together. And I think his housemate knew of the hanky panky we engaged in. I could have insisted on bunking in on the hard couch, but I went with him to his bedroom. We would strip and shower, then go onto the bed, cuddle under the sheets. Then the same thing happens smooches and kisses, licks and sucks, right down to fucks and moans.

 

Sex is sacred to me. Particularly because I have always maintained a "sex for your boyfriend only" principle. I would want to have sex with someone who's in a committed relationship with me, but I betrayed my own principle. There I was, having my cherry popped by a guy I barely knew. Despite his efforts to make me feel comfortable and human, I knew it was wrong. But I went back for seconds and thirds. The second time was when I thoroughly enjoyed my sex with him. I don't know what happened that night, apart from the usual hanky panky, he helped me enjoy sex for the first time in my life. Perhaps it was the position we assumed. He had fucked me at the edge of his bed and that particular angle allowed his head to hit my g-spot so hard that it made feel me like I was in heaven. After that session, we cleaned up, went back to cuddling. He drifted back to sleep soon enough, but I was conflicted with what I felt.

 

"Why did I allow myself to sleep with him the second time?" I asked myself. The fact that I went back again meant I was comfortable with him, more importantly, it meant I felt safe with him. Above all, it confirmed my worst fears, I was putting emotions into our tryst. I turned over and looked at him face, and realized my heart moved a little. Despite knowing each other for 2 weeks then, I was beginning to form some attachments towards him. 

 

Things became even more blurry by then. After our second rendezvous, I complicated matters further by introducing a gay friend who lived nearby him to him. This gay friend was like a little brother of mine. He too had a dysfunctional family, he lives with his mother (parents are divorced) and the mom is constantly taking it out on him. I thought to myself, if I can't physically be there for you, perhaps this married guy could. What was I thinking anyway? I can never tell, but I guess I was trying to be do something good. Outside of sex, the married guy was everything I had hoped for. Intellectual, conversational, very much into gaming like me and enjoys boardgames. He loved cooking too. It was a fit, but alas, it is what it is. He's married and his husband was overseas planning for their future.

 

The only wrong I ever did was developed some feelings for him. He and his husband were fucking different people at different places at the same time. They were emotionally mature enough to handle that sort of complicated relationship. I wasn't, I wanted something simple and sacred if you will, but at that point, my relationship with the married man was anything but sacred. If any, I was on an emotional drug.

 

At this point, you must be thinking. Omg, can you just cut to the chase and answer the damn question. I will. Or, you may be thinking, why didn't you just pull the trigger and cut things off? I couldn't. Everytime I tried to, I was somehow reeled back in. The married guy is super open to sex. He relishes in it. He's on PreP, practices safe sex, goes for monthly STIs if he's active. But what made it super difficult to cut things off, was the fact that our interactions had no line drawn between them. It was a complicated thing. We were more than friends with benefits but lesser than lovers. The interactions, the texts, the daily checking ons, the way we held each others' hands while we were getting at it, it was all too hard for me to cut things off. I thought I could count on myself to cut things off when it counted, but boy was I horribly wrong. 

 

The last time we had anal sex, it was nothing special. A heated afternoon, two guys sweating in guest room with volume 3 fan spinning above us. The sex was somewhat aggressive and rough, the lubrication was poor. And I had lost those feelings because the conflict grew stronger. The only takeway from my 3rd sex with him was, I learned how or how NOT to ride someone. Thankfully he was forgiving as always. 

 

The remainder times, if you are still reading up to this point, is like I said, foreplay. Clean and simple. The last 2 times happened hours apart. One during midnight and another during the morning wood vibes. That night, we had the house to ourselves. His housemate had went back to his hometown for the long weekend and he was all by himself. He had hinted about wanting me to come over. I could have suggested everything kinky that ever came to mind. 

 

"Let's go up to the sky garden and fuck naked," and satiate my curiosity of an outdoor sex.

 

"Let's fuck by the windows in the dark," and fulfill my curiosity of what it's like to potentially be seen someone.

 

"Let's do it bareback," and wonder how it's like to feel the thrill.

 

Or simply moan our hearts out. Neither of that happened. 

 

I found myself thinking that I couldn't go on like this any longer. It didn't matter that he and his hubby were open. It didn't matter that his hubby minded or didn't mind. None of it concerned me. But I was wrought with guilt. I would never dream of being a homewrecker, and there I was, defeating that account up to three times then. The softest landing I could afford myself was foreplay and no more. 

 

There was one night, my friend and I together went to his house. It was the same night we had two foreplay sessions hours apart. He had hosted a close dinner party with his 2 straight friends along with us. I bought food, he facetimed his hubby over dinner. Everyone greeted him, including my friend. I merely forced a smile. I don't know if I was reading too much into things, but his husband's eye contact suggested he was less than receptive to my presence. Maybe he was just being foreign with a stranger, god knows. 

 

My friend knew of our escapades and warned me that I was setting myself up for a world of hurt. But by then, he had taken a liking to the married guy. He regarded him as a mentor of sorts. Nothing sexual for sure. At one point, I lost this friend over the married guy too. This is a story I will not delve into deeply, but it is my fault. My friend had unintentionally exposed me in front of the married guy that I had feelings for him. I think the married guy knew, but never confronted my openly. We fought, and never spoke again. My friend still has my shirt with him and refuses to return it, but oh well.

 

That period, I "ghosted" on the married guy, and he was upset. He implied that I had vanished for a bit, but didn't push on. I had intended to come clean to him, but couldn't find the courage to do so. Thankfully, he wasn't the grudgeful type. Soon, we were back to being friends, minus the sex.

 

All that happened close to 9-10 months ago. And I still hadn't told him what happened. He said his plans to migrate are realizing day by day, and perhaps he would be gone in a year or two. I often wondered if I would come clean to him then, but I guess some things are better left unspoken. I paid him a visit at his place sometime in May. Having spent time apart from each other and steel/rationalized my feelings, I was able to see him as nothing but a good friend.

 

He's still fucking around these days, not that it's good or bad thing. He recounted his sexual rendezvous at a well-known commercial gym. Some boy caught his eye, snuck into his cubicle and fucked him. He speaks of his experience as it were nothing. He spoke of the same fondness about his experience with his gym fling. When asked if he felt more about the guy, he refused to define it, but acknowledges he wished something more had happen. That was enough to convince me that I was but a tool in our tryst too.

 

I don't know if it's right for me to say this, but part of me wished I could turn back time and undo my popping-the-cherry experience. I didn't mind if I was inexperienced, but I wished I could take it all back. It's not regrets speaking, perhaps self-love. Only a few close friends knew of my encounter with him, and they understood what I felt. Some had offered their two cents that he was a "pro" in sweet talking and getting people hooked onto him. In a way, you could say I was being taken advantage of. I was emotionally vulnerable and he could have rejected me, but went with it. The only reason I would never say that openly, is that the sex was and always has been consensual, no matter how ill-informed I was. 

 

Sometimes, I worry what would my future boyfriend think about me. I know the saying "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind," applies. But I guess I'm still disappointed in myself one way or the other, but that's my own demons to fight now. 

 

We live and let learn after all. 

 

To end this long, diverted digression. The answer to the question, is it wrong to sleep with a married man? My answer is no, but can you draw a line for yourself is what I'm asking. I wholeheartedly agree with doncoin's post that you deserve happiness, and continuing to delude yourself will only lead you to more pain. 

 

Some posts here talk about how they make things clear with their flings, good for you if you're able to keep emotions and sex separate. Some of us can't. And no matter how much you try to draw a line, we're emotional beings at the end of the day. Friends-with-benefits or fuck buddies usually go two ways, they either stay the way they are, or someone catches feelings and fall for one another. At which point the question that begs to be heard is, do you take a chance on each other and proceed romantically, or risk cutting one party off and going through a world of hurt? 

 

I don't know many people who can remain indifferent to their feelings. I could be wrong, but most of the elderly gay men I've known, gay married or straight married, have at one point confessed they were in love with their male (fuck) partners, and wished they could be with them. Some have outright professed they regretted their life choices. But that's another story to be told.

 

My last words. Just don't do something that would hurt yourself. 

Bro, thanks for sharing.

 

Though feel a bit sad and yet I feel happy for you.

 

Sad that your first sexual experience was unfortunately with someone who was openly unable or unwilling to commit himself to you.

 

Nonetheless, wouldn't consider it a mistake, just an experience that is part of life's journey. And now that you have decidedly extricated yourself out of the emotional struggle, it's a happy outcome.

 

Just wish that your home situation and job/finances would take a good turn soon.

 

Rest assured you're not alone and we need to hang in there as this turmoil from the pandemic will surely come to pass. Only those who're hopeful will survive. So jiayou!

Edited by yuquidam
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13 hours ago, cutejack said:

Don't u think meeting him to destress due to your family issues is an excuse. Who do u turn to now? It's a lesson for all who read this..anyway, thanks for the "long" share. Take care ya.

 

I think I speak for most of us when I say we're not without our "mistakes". We have all committed a degree of error in our lives and the only thing to do then is to learn from the experience. Is this a lesson though? Not really. There is no absolute right or wrong in the matter.

 

Do I think meeting him to destress is an excuse? Not at all. Lockdown had really drove my family to the edge, and it still is the case. Try living with a very dysfunctional and toxic family plus a pair of timid parents with a hot-headed sibling and you'll know how genuinely stressful things are for my old (wo)man. The married guy truly did provide me with a place to escape for a night or two and it has helped kept me sane on many occasions.


What was wrong was my inability to compartmentalize my emotions rationally. My desire to turn back time and undo everything stems not from regret, but self-realization. Simple as that.

 

Still, everyone has their past, and I'd rather be a troubled individual than a goody-goody two shoes. 

 

To answer the second part of your question? Who do I turn to in times of need... I appreciate the concern but that's none of your business. And I am certainly not here to be lectured or reminded of my perceived "failure." All you need to know is I've moved on from that chapter and have rediscovered myself in the process, however twisted the process might have been. 

 

At the end of the day, I have emerged as an individual with a better sense of self-worth and self-love. And that's all there is to it. 

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, notd said:

 

I think I speak for most of us when I say we're not without our "mistakes". We have all committed a degree of error in our lives and the only thing to do then is to learn from the experience. Is this a lesson though? Not really. There is no absolute right or wrong in the matter.

 

Do I think meeting him to destress is an excuse? Not at all. Lockdown had really drove my family to the edge, and it still is the case. Try living with a very dysfunctional and toxic family plus a pair of timid parents with a hot-headed sibling and you'll know how genuinely stressful things are for my old (wo)man. The married guy truly did provide me with a place to escape for a night or two and it has helped kept me sane on many occasions.


What was wrong was my inability to compartmentalize my emotions rationally. My desire to turn back time and undo everything stems not from regret, but self-realization. Simple as that.

 

Still, everyone has their past, and I'd rather be a troubled individual than a goody-goody two shoes. 

 

To answer the second part of your question? Who do I turn to in times of need... I appreciate the concern but that's none of your business. And I am certainly not here to be lectured or reminded of my perceived "failure." All you need to know is I've moved on from that chapter and have rediscovered myself in the process, however twisted the process might have been. 

 

At the end of the day, I have emerged as an individual with a better sense of self-worth and self-love. And that's all there is to it. 

 

 

 

 

Sorry if I offended u as text can be deceiving compared to talking personally. Hope u feel better now n yr family is functioning well too. 

Anyway, we r interested to know whether it's fine to have fun with married guys or no as per the title. Not yr lengthy story. Sorry again. 

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On 5/14/2021 at 3:20 PM, superflawless said:

Yes I stopped seeing a guy once I found out he's married. I did not become angry with him, I did not fight with him. I just cut him off. Would not answer his whatapp messages and blocked him.

But that's just me.

Plenty of single gay men out there waiting for me. Why should I sleep with a married man? 

 

totally agree with u.

why should any gay sell himself short? we deserve much more!

have some self respect man.

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  • 5 weeks later...
On 5/12/2021 at 1:53 PM, Singapore Sinner said:

I'm a married guy who plays occasionally and here's my thoughts / experiences:

  1. Don't get involved emotionally, I'm not looking for emotional attachment.
  2. Although I love sucking dick, I'm never going to feel love for another man.  I can only feel those emotions for ladies but that doesn't stop me liking a dick in my mouth occasionally.
  3. I try to stick to meeting with just one guy - less risk of being found out and I like to feel comfortable when playing.. I don't want to go through the '1st time nervousness' each time, wondering who you're going to meet with, is he going to be a jerk, is he going to cause me trouble.. just meet up with my regular guy, catch up on the news, then get naked.
  4. I do feel guilty afterwards and may go quiet for a while before contacting him but I soon get the urge to play again.  If we go a while without playing, no big deal, we just carry on where we left off, no questions asked.
  5. He knows I'm married, I know he's gay and single, he plays around with other guys fairly regularly, but other than knowing that, we don't ask what the other one gets up to.  He says I give awesome bj's, he rims me, I love sucking his dick, that's all that matters to us.
  6. We're getting closer to him fucking me (only oral up to now).. I stopped last time after he'd spent ages getting my hole ready (which was a lot of fun!).. I really want him to fuck me but am scared of taking that step..  if and when he does fuck me, not sure if that will mean I've had my fun, had my fix, done all I want to do and will stop seeing him, or it may mean I start again with another guy, or maybe we'll just carry on, not sure.
  7. In my mind, I hold all of the cards and we meet up when I want to.. I placed the ad, he responded, as far as I'm concerned, this is all about what I need and when I want it.  This isn't meant to sound selfish and arrogant at all.. I was curious what it would be like to be with a guy, and will only do what I want to do.  If I don't want to meet with him, I ignore his emails.  When I want to meet, he always responds straight away and we meet up within a couple of days.

So this works for me and my situation, seems to work for him too.  Met with a few guys before, and the guy I refer to above is the only guy I've met with more than once.. we've probably met up 6-8 times.

to be honest my honest opinion is it's really disgusting of you to think that gay people are just here for you to do all these then feel guilty about it... at least when we gay people have sex we are aware we are both gay and we know the consequences and we do not go around people's back but you go around your wife's back and omg if you have kids some more than even more fucked up. I'm okay if my dad was gay/bi but if years later I find out that he's not only that but cheating behind my mom I will feel extremely angry and never want to talk to him. advise you to work things out with your wife because if she's really your wife you'll walk through thick and thin with her. 

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On 7/29/2021 at 12:32 AM, notd said:

Here's a personal experience of mine. It's long, bear with me.

 

Last year, I had a short-lived friends-with-benefits arrangement with a friend of mine. 2020 was a rather tumultuous year for me, particularly during the mid of 2020. With lockdown affecting everyone left, right and center, I was no exception too. Being a freelancer, I was struggling to make a living because all of my usual clients were halting their projects and sourcing their projects internally. Put simply, there were months where I earned nothing. On a good month, I'd earn a few hundreds but that was it. The good news is I live with my parents, and we all contributed what money we have from a month to relief each other of any household burdens.

 

Despite the fact that I lived with my family however, my family was going through its battles too. Particularly, my brother had gotten married not long ago and was living with us. Initially, the experience was okay. Over time however, it became apparent that the lockdown took a toll on everyone's mental health. My brother was quite the bully at home, and my parents feared him even though they were the ones who financially sponsored him and bought him a house a few houses down from the family home. Mind you, my brother is a man in his late 30s, helping out with his dad's business, barely financially stable or getting it together and rushing in marriage then family planning. My parents' initial plan was to buy him a home not far away, get him to move out so we can all resume our lives as usual. But the lockdown delayed the construction of his new home, and weeks became months. To make matters worse, my sister in law announced she was pregnant. It was a bittersweet moment for everyone, because we knew the days ahead would be tough as nails, in a bad way. There was a brief period where all economic sectors in KL were allowed to resume, and the construction went on. Somewhere along the way however, the contractor start embezzling money from my parents. Promises were suddenly unfulfilled and there was a brief scuffle between the family and the contractor. To cut the story short, my parents and brother, fearing that the contractor might come back at them with a vendetta, decided to end things amicably despite knowing full well they had suffered 10k in financial losses.

 

Around the time the lockdown was momentarily lifted, I had found a job, courtesy of a friend of mine. It wasn't what I wanted, considering it offered a fresher's pay, but I took it because it beat having zero clients and earning measly hundreds monthly. But the job offer didn't last long. You see, the job that I took had outrageous KPIs, expecting me to prioritize quantity over quality. I was not one to turn in my work half-assed. My boss knew I meant well and cherish my contributions, but nearing the first month of my probation, we both agreed this wasn't working out. On the week the bad news was delivered to me, I was crushed. 

 

The family drama hadn't ceased, and I had no social support that were immediately made available to me. At that point, I was already a year into BW forums, and joined the BW group chat. I was aware of certain members in that group chat, and acquainted myself with someone decent and oh-so my type. That particular day I was crushed, I needed someone to talk to, someone proper. Instead, I reached out to the acquaintance from the group chat, hit him up and asked if I could come over to chat. I told him I was looking to hook up, and he merely obliged.

 

I took a 45 mins - an hour's drive to his place. Not sure what the hell what I was doing, yet deep down not heeding the voices in my head well enough. When I got to his place, I was greeted with a contemporary-looking apartment. Your usual high-end residences with some bourgeois name. I registered myself at the guardhouse, parked my car at the visitor's parking lot, made my way up to his unit. I rang the door bell, and was greeted with a pleasantly dressed guy, grinning at me and ushering me in.

 

He was hospitable throughout my stay there. Offering me lunch because he knew I hadn't eaten. Pouring me a glass of water. Despite knowing I was there to get sexual with him, he treated me like any other guests. Instead of moving about awkwardly and not knowing what to do, he made me feel at home. We talked for an hour or two, and I poured my heart out to him, how I felt completely lonely and unsupported throughout the lockdown because my family has its fair share of drama already.

 

What he gave me was a safe space, and I spoke without inhibition for the first time in that year. An hour or two went by, when things started to settle down, we talked about more casual stuffs. It was then I learned he was married, not to a lady. No, he was married to man. An actual marriage. He and his husband had registered overseas.  I thought... wait, if you're married, wouldn't this be wrong? Turns out, his husband was overseas, settling in and working to get a PR. When things had stabilized, he would then move over to join his husband. He made it clear that he and his hubby were in an open relationship. 

 

I knew I had to get out of there, but lust, grief and confusion altogether overtook all sense of logic at that point. And before I knew it, we were getting cozy and intimate with one another. A few smooches, a few kisses, a slip n' slide of the tongue here and there. A bit of the shirt lifted up, then two bare bodies, and well, the rest was history. I was there for foreplay, but as I've said before, grief clouded my judgment. I don't know what came over me, before I knew it, I told him to take me. 

 

I was a virgin up to that point of my life, never experienced any penetrative sex. I thought to myself, if I didn't force myself to have penetrative sex with someone, by the time I meet the right guy and have sex with him, he might be put off by my inexperience with sex. The married guy was thorough and gentle all the way through. He was sexually accepting of me in every unconditional manner possible. I kept apologizing whenever he failed to enter me, because I knew it was my mind protecting me from hurting myself. But a few tries later, some fingering and loosening up, the mind gave up protecting me. He entered me, and it was painful, though pleasurable at the end. 

 

That was really just the start of everything wrong. Since meeting him, we have slept with one another 5 times. 3 times which were penetrative sex, the remainder merely foreplay. I'll get to that in a bit. Point is, he knew of my struggles, and offered me a place of solace to escape for a few hours. Since he lived with his housmate, who happened to be gay too, he said I was welcome to bunk in whenever I wanted. That was kept me going back to him. Whenever things got a little crazy at home, I spent the night at his place.

 

Between July to late August, I was spending at least 3-4 Fridays at his place, usually returning home on Sat evening or Sunday morning under the pretense that it was too unsafe for me drive long distance at night. All the times I've spent sleeping over at his place, we shared the same bed. We both knew what it meant to sleep on the same bed together. And I think his housemate knew of the hanky panky we engaged in. I could have insisted on bunking in on the hard couch, but I went with him to his bedroom. We would strip and shower, then go onto the bed, cuddle under the sheets. Then the same thing happens smooches and kisses, licks and sucks, right down to fucks and moans.

 

Sex is sacred to me. Particularly because I have always maintained a "sex for your boyfriend only" principle. I would want to have sex with someone who's in a committed relationship with me, but I betrayed my own principle. There I was, having my cherry popped by a guy I barely knew. Despite his efforts to make me feel comfortable and human, I knew it was wrong. But I went back for seconds and thirds. The second time was when I thoroughly enjoyed my sex with him. I don't know what happened that night, apart from the usual hanky panky, he helped me enjoy sex for the first time in my life. Perhaps it was the position we assumed. He had fucked me at the edge of his bed and that particular angle allowed his head to hit my g-spot so hard that it made feel me like I was in heaven. After that session, we cleaned up, went back to cuddling. He drifted back to sleep soon enough, but I was conflicted with what I felt.

 

"Why did I allow myself to sleep with him the second time?" I asked myself. The fact that I went back again meant I was comfortable with him, more importantly, it meant I felt safe with him. Above all, it confirmed my worst fears, I was putting emotions into our tryst. I turned over and looked at him face, and realized my heart moved a little. Despite knowing each other for 2 weeks then, I was beginning to form some attachments towards him. 

 

Things became even more blurry by then. After our second rendezvous, I complicated matters further by introducing a gay friend who lived nearby him to him. This gay friend was like a little brother of mine. He too had a dysfunctional family, he lives with his mother (parents are divorced) and the mom is constantly taking it out on him. I thought to myself, if I can't physically be there for you, perhaps this married guy could. What was I thinking anyway? I can never tell, but I guess I was trying to be do something good. Outside of sex, the married guy was everything I had hoped for. Intellectual, conversational, very much into gaming like me and enjoys boardgames. He loved cooking too. It was a fit, but alas, it is what it is. He's married and his husband was overseas planning for their future.

 

The only wrong I ever did was developed some feelings for him. He and his husband were fucking different people at different places at the same time. They were emotionally mature enough to handle that sort of complicated relationship. I wasn't, I wanted something simple and sacred if you will, but at that point, my relationship with the married man was anything but sacred. If any, I was on an emotional drug.

 

At this point, you must be thinking. Omg, can you just cut to the chase and answer the damn question. I will. Or, you may be thinking, why didn't you just pull the trigger and cut things off? I couldn't. Everytime I tried to, I was somehow reeled back in. The married guy is super open to sex. He relishes in it. He's on PreP, practices safe sex, goes for monthly STIs if he's active. But what made it super difficult to cut things off, was the fact that our interactions had no line drawn between them. It was a complicated thing. We were more than friends with benefits but lesser than lovers. The interactions, the texts, the daily checking ons, the way we held each others' hands while we were getting at it, it was all too hard for me to cut things off. I thought I could count on myself to cut things off when it counted, but boy was I horribly wrong. 

 

The last time we had anal sex, it was nothing special. A heated afternoon, two guys sweating in guest room with volume 3 fan spinning above us. The sex was somewhat aggressive and rough, the lubrication was poor. And I had lost those feelings because the conflict grew stronger. The only takeway from my 3rd sex with him was, I learned how or how NOT to ride someone. Thankfully he was forgiving as always. 

 

The remainder times, if you are still reading up to this point, is like I said, foreplay. Clean and simple. The last 2 times happened hours apart. One during midnight and another during the morning wood vibes. That night, we had the house to ourselves. His housemate had went back to his hometown for the long weekend and he was all by himself. He had hinted about wanting me to come over. I could have suggested everything kinky that ever came to mind. 

 

"Let's go up to the sky garden and fuck naked," and satiate my curiosity of an outdoor sex.

 

"Let's fuck by the windows in the dark," and fulfill my curiosity of what it's like to potentially be seen someone.

 

"Let's do it bareback," and wonder how it's like to feel the thrill.

 

Or simply moan our hearts out. Neither of that happened. 

 

I found myself thinking that I couldn't go on like this any longer. It didn't matter that he and his hubby were open. It didn't matter that his hubby minded or didn't mind. None of it concerned me. But I was wrought with guilt. I would never dream of being a homewrecker, and there I was, defeating that account up to three times then. The softest landing I could afford myself was foreplay and no more. 

 

There was one night, my friend and I together went to his house. It was the same night we had two foreplay sessions hours apart. He had hosted a close dinner party with his 2 straight friends along with us. I bought food, he facetimed his hubby over dinner. Everyone greeted him, including my friend. I merely forced a smile. I don't know if I was reading too much into things, but his husband's eye contact suggested he was less than receptive to my presence. Maybe he was just being foreign with a stranger, god knows. 

 

My friend knew of our escapades and warned me that I was setting myself up for a world of hurt. But by then, he had taken a liking to the married guy. He regarded him as a mentor of sorts. Nothing sexual for sure. At one point, I lost this friend over the married guy too. This is a story I will not delve into deeply, but it is my fault. My friend had unintentionally exposed me in front of the married guy that I had feelings for him. I think the married guy knew, but never confronted my openly. We fought, and never spoke again. My friend still has my shirt with him and refuses to return it, but oh well.

 

That period, I "ghosted" on the married guy, and he was upset. He implied that I had vanished for a bit, but didn't push on. I had intended to come clean to him, but couldn't find the courage to do so. Thankfully, he wasn't the grudgeful type. Soon, we were back to being friends, minus the sex.

 

All that happened close to 9-10 months ago. And I still hadn't told him what happened. He said his plans to migrate are realizing day by day, and perhaps he would be gone in a year or two. I often wondered if I would come clean to him then, but I guess some things are better left unspoken. I paid him a visit at his place sometime in May. Having spent time apart from each other and steel/rationalized my feelings, I was able to see him as nothing but a good friend.

 

He's still fucking around these days, not that it's good or bad thing. He recounted his sexual rendezvous at a well-known commercial gym. Some boy caught his eye, snuck into his cubicle and fucked him. He speaks of his experience as it were nothing. He spoke of the same fondness about his experience with his gym fling. When asked if he felt more about the guy, he refused to define it, but acknowledges he wished something more had happen. That was enough to convince me that I was but a tool in our tryst too.

 

I don't know if it's right for me to say this, but part of me wished I could turn back time and undo my popping-the-cherry experience. I didn't mind if I was inexperienced, but I wished I could take it all back. It's not regrets speaking, perhaps self-love. Only a few close friends knew of my encounter with him, and they understood what I felt. Some had offered their two cents that he was a "pro" in sweet talking and getting people hooked onto him. In a way, you could say I was being taken advantage of. I was emotionally vulnerable and he could have rejected me, but went with it. The only reason I would never say that openly, is that the sex was and always has been consensual, no matter how ill-informed I was. 

 

Sometimes, I worry what would my future boyfriend think about me. I know the saying "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind," applies. But I guess I'm still disappointed in myself one way or the other, but that's my own demons to fight now. 

 

We live and let learn after all. 

 

To end this long, diverted digression. The answer to the question, is it wrong to sleep with a married man? My answer is no, but can you draw a line for yourself is what I'm asking. I wholeheartedly agree with doncoin's post that you deserve happiness, and continuing to delude yourself will only lead you to more pain. 

 

Some posts here talk about how they make things clear with their flings, good for you if you're able to keep emotions and sex separate. Some of us can't. And no matter how much you try to draw a line, we're emotional beings at the end of the day. Friends-with-benefits or fuck buddies usually go two ways, they either stay the way they are, or someone catches feelings and fall for one another. At which point the question that begs to be heard is, do you take a chance on each other and proceed romantically, or risk cutting one party off and going through a world of hurt? 

 

I don't know many people who can remain indifferent to their feelings. I could be wrong, but most of the elderly gay men I've known, gay married or straight married, have at one point confessed they were in love with their male (fuck) partners, and wished they could be with them. Some have outright professed they regretted their life choices. But that's another story to be told.

 

My last words. Just don't do something that would hurt yourself. 

This is a very insightful experience. Thanks for opening up your wounds and share this personal journey with us. I think it’s both beautiful yet sad and I can identify with some of your feelings. 
 

you write really well, so I assume you are very well educated and luck just wasn’t on your side when the bad things happened. There is really no right and wrong in our lives. Morals are but something humans created in an attempt to maintain control. In the animal kingdom, is it wrong for the lion to eat the gazelle? Is the male penguin wrong to have an amorous relationship with another male penguin? The only clear answer is survival of the fittest. So is it wrong to fall for or have a relationship with a married man or woman for that matter? No one is right or wrong regardless of which side they lean on. For every right argument, there will be a wrong argument. 
 

We are all not perfect beings and have all our inner demons to battle. At one point or another, we all yearn to love and be loved, and to be accepted by someone whom we perceived to be more superior than us. It is not wrong to crave physical intimacy and neither is it wrong to feel emotional attachment. you have been very controlled in your feelings towards the guy but sometimes we win while at other times we lose to ourselves. 
 

so my advice is, don’t be too hard on yourself. You did what you did under those circumstances. Whether the married guy was taking advantage of your vulnerability is another issue. We cannot unwind time to undo our mistakes or regrets. Instead take it as an experience and a life lesson for yourself. Life is short, so don’t look back with regrets if you can but look forward with hope for a better tomorrow. You sound like a great guy with a lot of maturity and I’m sure you will find the happiness you so deserve one day. 

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On 5/12/2021 at 1:53 PM, Singapore Sinner said:

I'm a married guy who plays occasionally and here's my thoughts / experiences:

  1. Don't get involved emotionally, I'm not looking for emotional attachment.
  2. Although I love sucking dick, I'm never going to feel love for another man.  I can only feel those emotions for ladies but that doesn't stop me liking a dick in my mouth occasionally.
  3. I try to stick to meeting with just one guy - less risk of being found out and I like to feel comfortable when playing.. I don't want to go through the '1st time nervousness' each time, wondering who you're going to meet with, is he going to be a jerk, is he going to cause me trouble.. just meet up with my regular guy, catch up on the news, then get naked.
  4. I do feel guilty afterwards and may go quiet for a while before contacting him but I soon get the urge to play again.  If we go a while without playing, no big deal, we just carry on where we left off, no questions asked.
  5. He knows I'm married, I know he's gay and single, he plays around with other guys fairly regularly, but other than knowing that, we don't ask what the other one gets up to.  He says I give awesome bj's, he rims me, I love sucking his dick, that's all that matters to us.
  6. We're getting closer to him fucking me (only oral up to now).. I stopped last time after he'd spent ages getting my hole ready (which was a lot of fun!).. I really want him to fuck me but am scared of taking that step..  if and when he does fuck me, not sure if that will mean I've had my fun, had my fix, done all I want to do and will stop seeing him, or it may mean I start again with another guy, or maybe we'll just carry on, not sure.
  7. In my mind, I hold all of the cards and we meet up when I want to.. I placed the ad, he responded, as far as I'm concerned, this is all about what I need and when I want it.  This isn't meant to sound selfish and arrogant at all.. I was curious what it would be like to be with a guy, and will only do what I want to do.  If I don't want to meet with him, I ignore his emails.  When I want to meet, he always responds straight away and we meet up within a couple of days.

So this works for me and my situation, seems to work for him too.  Met with a few guys before, and the guy I refer to above is the only guy I've met with more than once.. we've probably met up 6-8 times.

Met with a few guys before, and the guy I refer to above is the only guy I've met with more than once.. we've probably met up 6-8 times.

     

    

-For someone out there, i am who U referred to as "the guy I refer to above...is the only guy I've met with more than once.." Haha 

         

-he asked me for my consent, i asked him: "What will u do in the EVENTUALITY that u/i am found out?"

        

    

-he found a solution...or an answer to the Question above, & that's why its still possible to do something immoral in broad daylight. I am not advocating for sex outside of marriage, but if u are not gtg sexual intimacy within ur legal union, maybe u can discuss openly with ur spouse & then get back to me? haha, my hands are full so i can't help u, but for married couples out there... i hope u keep the 🔥fire going coz Gay Men are good at making Homosexuals happy, U can't outsource a/ur Husband to us just coz we give heavenly blowjobs...

 

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On 5/13/2021 at 9:04 AM, transmissionsm said:

 

 

Same.

 

Also I don't really like my marriage.

I quitted for quite a long time and actually intended to quit for good till I get into this quarrel that cannot be undone. Then here I am again.

 

Do I hate my wife? Not really but don't feel much love any more but I still care and still pamper her if she is not showing her colours. Otherwise we just ignore each other and do our stuff.

 

she's just different from other women or my relative/friend's wife.  She don't show affection to me , cares only about herself. Gets moody out of nowhere.  Can't take care of my son. Basically someone you don't want as a wife if you know that she is this kind of person.

 

We only knew each other for about 1 year before married so...maybe I am to blame to marry her.

 

Am I perfect? no but let's just say that besides not being rich and bi, I am probably a damn good and hands on husband. 

 

The best thing that came out of this marriage is my 3 year ago son. Man is he cute and adorable.

 

 

 

i am married too and feel like I need several good cocks to make me happy on a regular basis.  have a few regular cocks to keep me satisfied but still looking for more.  am i greedy or what?  but what to do when my hunger for cocks and sperm is so insatiable!  so you may think I am a slut but call me what you like ... i don't really care as long as i get my regular supply of cum straight from the pipe.

Suck my tits and I'll lick your balls.

Lick my arse and I'll suck your cock.

All in sex is fair.

 

The only bad thing about sex is that it doesn't last long enough.

 

Read my blog - www.anasianjourney.blogspot.com

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  • 4 months later...

Had an intimate relationship with my married boss for a couple of years…he is 12 yrs my senior, touchy in office (to male colleagues) and we started exchanging text messages at certain point in time and then the hanky panky started.

 

He is a family man, with young kids. so he will make the effort to drive me to work from my place in the morning, or drive me home in the middle of the day with the excuse of meeting clients. We will then have quick fun at my place. We did hav some chances to go for business trips overseas, for just a day or two.

 

The relationship ended when i chose to leave the company.

 

Well…morally of coz it’s not right to have fun (hmmm…just say SEX lah hahaha) with married men when the married men are still in the wedlock.

 

At the end of day, it’s really about knowing what we are doing and be responsible to our own actions.

 

Oh well…i do have a thing for married men who could be more caring 😬

 

 

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On 1/18/2022 at 4:11 PM, Guest Guest said:

Had an intimate relationship with my married boss for a couple of years…he is 12 yrs my senior, touchy in office (to male colleagues) and we started exchanging text messages at certain point in time and then the hanky panky started.

 

He is a family man, with young kids. so he will make the effort to drive me to work from my place in the morning, or drive me home in the middle of the day with the excuse of meeting clients. We will then have quick fun at my place. We did hav some chances to go for business trips overseas, for just a day or two.

 

The relationship ended when i chose to leave the company.

 

Well…morally of coz it’s not right to have fun (hmmm…just say SEX lah hahaha) with married men when the married men are still in the wedlock.

 

At the end of day, it’s really about knowing what we are doing and be responsible to our own actions.

 

Oh well…i do have a thing for married men who could be more caring 😬

 

 

So your boss is bi and is the caring type?

 

No one in the office (esp those kay poh secretaries) suspected it? 
 

But u enjoyed the intimate relationship with your ex married boss right? 

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On 1/18/2022 at 4:53 PM, Guest Guest said:

So your boss is bi and is the caring type?

 

No one in the office (esp those kay poh secretaries) suspected it? 
 

But u enjoyed the intimate relationship with your ex married boss right? 


Honestly i am not really sure how one identifies himself as a gay or bi…some men identified themselves as straight but they have no issue to have fun with another man 🤷🏻‍♂️

Many in the office suspected he likes men lah coz he always go around and molest male colleagues and he had some “pets” that he picked to always work directly with him…of coz it was enjoyable and that developed into a relationship

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  • G_M changed the title to Married Men & Guys with GF - When you have fun with a guy, do you consider it as infidelity?
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