amused Posted March 4 Posted March 4 (edited) ** Unless otherwise stated, all characters,corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Content was partially AI generated as well 05 Mar 2015 , Thurs, Weather 24 Celsius My 83rd day of no alcohol. I had a vivid dream last night. Yes its him again. The scenerio is somewhat similar to the mtv of "爱久见人心". In that dream I and him were together but in reality we aren't. They say "日久见人心"—that time reveals the heart—but time is only making my longing harder to hollow out. It’s a quiet, constant ache, like a radio frequency I can’t tune out. Every hour we’re apart, the distance feels less like a tactical necessity and more like a physical weight. I memorize the way he breathes when he’s tired, a ghost of a secret I can never tell. Hoon, I am sorry. 爱久见人心 (Love Proves the Heart Over Time) 词： 彭学斌 陈没 曲： 彭学斌 唱： 梁静茹 我冷漠是不想被看出太容易被感动触及 My indifference is because I don’t want it seen how easily I am moved 我比较喜欢现在的自己不太想回到过去 I prefer who I am now and don’t really want to go back to the past 我常常为我们之间 忽远忽近的关系 担心或委屈 I often feel anxious or wronged by the push-and-pull nature of our relationship 别人只一句话 就刺痛心里每一根神经 Just one word from others can sting every nerve in my heart 你的孤单是座城堡让人景仰却处处防疫 Your loneliness is a castle that people admire, yet it’s guarded at every turn 你的温柔那么缓慢 小心翼翼脆弱又安静 Your tenderness is so slow, cautious, fragile, and quiet 也许我们都意会到 这次面对的幸福 是真的来临 Perhaps we both realize that the happiness before us has truly arrived 因为太珍惜所以才犹豫 忘了先把彼此抱紧 Because we cherish it so much, we hesitate—forgetting to hold each other tight first [Chorus] 我不是流言 不能猜测你 I am not a rumor; I cannot second guess you 疯狂的游戏 需要谁准许 Who must give permission for this crazy game? 别人怎么说 我都不介意 I don't care what anyone else says 我爱不爱你 日久见人心 Whether I love you or not, time will reveal my heart 存一寸光阴 换一个世纪 Saving an inch of time to exchange for a century 摘一片苦心 酿一滴蜂蜜 Plucking a piece of painstaking effort to brew a drop of honey 用尽了全力 只为在一起 Using every ounce of strength just to be together 我爱不爱你 爱久见人心 Whether I love you or not, love proves the heart over time Translation by GeminiAi Edited March 4 by amused Quote
amused Posted April 1 Posted April 1 (edited) **Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Content is AI generated. Content consist of hints on suicide, kindly read at one’s discretion. 2026年 04月 01号 星期三 就在今夜 I could feel the air in the room thinning, but I didn't gasp for it. Instead, I welcomed the hollowness. The vengeful countdown had been a heavy cloak I’d worn for decades, a weight of bitter scores and jagged regrets that I thought defined my very existence. But as the final seconds ticked away, that cloak simply slid off my shoulders. The misdeeds—the bridges I scorched and the hearts I manipulated—no longer felt like stains. They felt like distant echoes of a man I used to be, a man who thought he had to fight the world to prove he existed. Now, I don't need proof. I just need the silence. The phantom pulse in my chest, that rhythmic tether to my twin, has slowed to a gentle hum. I realize now that our telepathy wasn't a burden or a haunting; it was a rehearsal. All those years of feeling his sympathetic aches and tasting his distant grief were preparing me for this—the understanding that life isn't contained within the skin. I lived a thousand lives through jagged blues and velvet purples, and as the silver wire finally snaps, I don't feel diminished. I feel expanded. I am no longer a singular point of pain; I am dissolving into the resonance we shared. It’s strange how the light changes when you stop fighting the end. The room is dark, yet I see everything with a terrifying, beautiful clarity. I think of Ah Pa waiting on the other side of this thinning veil, and the resentment I once carried for being left behind has vanished. It’s been replaced by a quiet, steady pull, like the tide finally reclaiming a piece of driftwood. He isn't a ghost to be feared anymore; he is the destination. The space I tried to build in the world was always just a metaphor for this—the slow, conscious undoing of a life until only the essence remains. My breathing is becoming a soft, rhythmic prayer, matching the pace of a world I’m finally leaving. I can almost feel the texture of the air shifting, turning from the stagnant humidity of this room into something cool and vast. There is no more static in my brain, no more electric warnings of a crisis to come. The crisis is over. The war is won, not by conquest, but by surrender. I am letting go of the pen, letting go of the narrative, and letting the ink of my life dry on this final, peaceful page. I look at the window one last time, but I don't see my reflection. I see a doorway. The mirror has finally shattered, not into dangerous shards, but into a million points of light. I can feel, my twin, the other half of my heartbeat—and Ah Pa standing just behind. They aren't reaching out to pull me; they are simply waiting, knowing I have found my own way to the threshold. I close my eyes, lean into the stillness, and step forward. I am at peace. The countdown is at zero, and for the first time, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Stephen Helplines Mental well-being • Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline: 6389-2222 (24 hours) • Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444 (24 hours) /1-767 (24 hours) • Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019 • Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928 • Tinkle Friend: 1800-274-4788 • Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1 • Women’s Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm) • Aware’s Sexual Assault Care Centre: 6779-0282 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm) • National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline: 1800-777-0000 Counselling • TOUCHline (Counselling): 1800-377-2252 • TOUCH Care Line (for seniors, caregivers): 6804-6555 • Care Corner Counselling Centre: 6353-1180 • Counselling and Care Centre: 6536-6366 Online resources • eC2.sg • www.tinklefriend.sg • www.chat.mentalhealth.sg • carey.carecorner.org.sg (for those aged 13 to 25) • limitless.sg/talk (for those aged 12 to 25) For International helplines, kindly refer to Befrienders Worldwide. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact 24-hour emergency medical service Edited April 3 by amused Quote
amused Posted May 2 Posted May 2 (edited) 2026年 5月 03号 星期天 农历三月十七 《当局者的自白》 如果不是当初的自己 就不会坚守现在的我 过往的复杂后遗创伤 纷纷扰扰与起起落落 重构现在与未来的我 这样的觉醒得来不宜 告诫自己要懂得珍惜 展望未来比回首重要 人生就是不断地学习 我谦卑地在这布局中 称职地演那位当局者 清醒地看旁观者现身 关关难过关关坚持过 见招拆招与泰然处之 这便是身心灵的解脱 这布局我还在巡航着 白云 与 杰眯乃 03.05.26 Navigating the Design If not for the person I once was, I would not hold fast to the self I am today. The complex echoes of past trauma, The turmoil, the rising, and the falling. Reconstructing the me of now and the future, This awakening was earned at a heavy price. I admonish myself to cherish these lessons; Looking ahead is more vital than looking back. Life is a process of ceaseless learning; I place myself humbly within this design. Dutifully, I play the part of the one involved, While clear-eyed, I watch the observer emerge. Level by level, hardship by hardship—I persist; Meeting every strike with calm and tactical grace. This, then, is the liberation of the soul, Still navigating this layout of my own. ET and GeminiAi 03.05.26 Edited May 16 by amused Quote
amused Posted May 16 Posted May 16 (edited) Medical Disclaimer: This content is for personal reflection and educational purposes only. Weaning off substances can trigger severe physical and psychological withdrawal. Never alter any medical or substance regimen without professional supervision. If experiencing severe distress or crisis, seek immediate medical attention. 2026年 5月 17号 星期天 农历四月初一 月满独守清明心 解索群魔图问鼎 千番作呕骨犹青 今宵夜半无眠意 坐守冰轮入太清 Full moon, guarding clear mind Untying the long chemical cords, the inner demons attempt to claim the throne. Though the body dry-heaves a thousand times, the bones remain steadfast and resilient. Tonight, at the midnight hour, sleep does not come. I sit and guard the frozen lunar wheel as it enters the great clarity. 杰眯乃 17.05.26 Edited May 16 by amused Quote
amused Posted May 21 Posted May 21 On 5/18/2026 at 4:03 AM, Cruiser123 said: 白雲悠悠，解我心憂； 紅塵來去，原是場空。 一身碎銀，半世奔波； 片刻清風，此生足矣。 杰眯乃 22.05.26 Quote
amused Posted June 7 Posted June 7 2026年 6月 07号 星期天 农历四月二十二 Today, ET is compelled to sit down and write a brutally honest reality check—partly for himself, looking back at what ET wrote in the past, he has painted a picture of absolute triumph. He celebrated managing his mental health entirely without psychotropic medication as a badge of honor, framing wellness as a strict meritocracy of "100% ownership," self-discipline, and the cultivated "Power of Will." Because his past experiences with medications were volatile and traumatic, ET's mind did what it naturally does: it built an ironclad, hyper-intellectualized fortress of philosophy to convince himself that he would never be vulnerable again. But when the internal weather changes and a storm actually hits, those beautiful structures can turn to ash. The human nervous system has its own deeply entrenched patterns, cycles, and structural limits that operate independently of one's thoughts. When a system-wide shift occurs, it cannot simply be reasoned with. The Danger of Romanticizing "No Medication": ET's previous declaration that bypassing psychiatric medication was the ultimate testament to "self-care" was dangerously flawed. For so many individuals—and potentially for ET himself when the physiological tides turn—medication is not a failure of will. It is a vital tool that stabilizes a volatile baseline so a person can simply survive to practice their virtues. The Myth of Pure Personal Responsibility: Severe mental health challenges, mania, depression, and addictions are infinitely more complex than anyone truly understands. They are deeply entrenched structural realities of our existence. To frame them purely as a project of personal willpower or moral discipline is an error, and it inflicts an invisible, crushing burden of guilt on those who are already drowning. Accepting True Structural Limits: Recognizing that we are "Born imperfect" means admitting that the human mind and body have hard limits. Sometimes, the brain simply cannot think or "will" its way out of its own functional state. True wisdom lies in having the humility to drop the solitary armor and accept clinical, external, or medical intervention when the body requires it. Philosophy and inner libraries offer invaluable resilience for the soul, but they are not medical treatments. Insisting on surviving severe psychological distress without clinical support—just to preserve an artificial ideal of absolute self-reliance—is an illusion born of forced striving. ET writes this entry to firmly correct the record. He is still here, still walking, but he is doing so with far less pretense, a lot more humility, and a commitment to flowing with reality rather than fighting it. If he is struggling, needing help, medication, or a team to pull him through is not a relapse in character. It is simply the practice of keeping the balance while being human. ET & GeminiAi 07.06.2026 Quote
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