Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

 Joke: Helpless

 

A drunken man fell on the road. Looking at his condition, Pandu, the policeman on duty commented, "Why do you drink so much?"

 

The drunk man replied, "Sir, I was helpless."

 

Pandu glared at him and said, "Oh really? And how is that?"

 

The drunk dude replied, "I had lost the cap of the bottle!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: To catch a wink

 

Roger shouted at his neighbour Rick, "Can you ask your dog to shut up. He has been barking non-stop since several hours. I have a severe headache from last night's drinking and trying hard to catch a wink."

 

Rick replied, "I am sure my dog will calm down as soon as you vacate his kennel."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fever

 

Santa: Hey Banta, how did you get fever? Just last night, we were talking and you were absolutely fine. 

 

Banta: That's right, but last night, after having so many pegs, you spoke such nonsense that even a donkey would have got fever.

 

Santa (with a sly smile): Yes, I can see that!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Labour pain

 

Cristina was going through labour pain at the hospital.

 

She was screaming in agony, and looking at her condition, her boyfriend Peter said, "Darling, I am so sorry that you have to go through this because of me."

 

Cristina replied, "Relax Peter, none of your fault anyway." 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Odd figure

 

The Judge charged Peter with rape and pronounced in the court, "You are to undergo ten years of rigorous imprisonment and you are charged with a fine of 10,608 dollars."

 

Peter asked, "I did not understand the odd figure of 10608 dollars."

 

The Judge replied, "10000 dollars for rape, 4% for local taxes and 2% entertainment tax."

[worldangel]

Joke: No Action

 

Martha came home and said to her husband, "Bill, I am sorry but the gynaecologist said we cannot make love for the next 6 weeks."

Bill looked up from the newspaper he was reading and asked, "Uh...ok...and what did the dentist have to say?"

[worldangel]

Joke: How to check your weight

 

Leela saw her husband Arun step on the weighing machine, and she noticed he was trying to pull in his tummy.

She commented, "You know that's not going to do you any good."

Arun replied, "Of course I need to do it. How else do you think I will be able to see the digits below?" 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Dangerous events

 

An aspirant who wanted to participate in a Daredevilry event was asked by the selection committee, "Do you taken part in any dangerous events?"

Johnny, the aspirant, replied, "Yep. I do not agree with my wife on some occasions."

[worldangel]

Joke: On the phone   

 

David was getting irritated standing outside the public phone booth.

 

Losing his patience, he knocked on the door and said, "Hello there, you have been in there for more than 20 minutes and I have not seen you speak at all."

 

The guy inside the booth replied, "Dude I am speaking to the missus."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A guy tells his psychiatrist, ...

A guy tells his psychiatrist, “I always have this weird dream at night. I am locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t budge."

 

The psychiatrist muses, “Interesting." But tell me what does the sign on the door say? The guy replies, “It says 'Pull'”!!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Visiting card

 

Banta said to Santa, "Your visiting card read your qualification as BBA two months back. Now it is reading MBA. How did you get the degree of two years in two months?"

 

Santa replied, "My wife has gone to visit her mother two months back during the summer vacations. So I got my visiting card printed as BBA (BOLD BACHELOR AGAIN!). Now that she has returned, my status is MBA (MARRIED BACK AGAIN)."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: When neighbors fight

 

Sofia said to her husband Alan, "It seems the husband and wife next door have been fighting since a long time. Will you please go and check on them?"

 

Alan replied, "I have already been there a couple of times. The fight is related to that only!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A dying miser

 

Santa the miser was on his death bed. He reached out for his wife's hand and asked, "Where are you?"

Santa's wife Preeto took his hand and replied, "I am right here, my dear."

Then Santa  said, "Where are my children?"

His sons held his hand and said "We are right here Daddy."

Santa paused for a moment and then said, "Then why is the fan running in the other room?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Husband's decision

 

Anita shouts angrily at her husband Phil, "I want you to decide what do you want in your life - Whatsapp or me?"

 

Phil replies calmly, "Certainly Whatsapp. If I must waste time, might as well do with everyone. Why should I do it only with you?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Waiting...

Jim was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.

"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the guy down?"

"I'm waiting," Jon said.

"Waiting for what?" asked Jim.

"Waiting to catch her with a smaller man."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Having a Beer

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves.

On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"

The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."

The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one... sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer... sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone.

 

This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I don't mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?"

The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just that my wife said that I couldn't go to the bar and drink anymore... but she didn't say anything about my brothers."

[worldangel]

Joke: A doctor at an insane asylum decided ...

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run, he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going well, he decides to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, "Well, everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!'"

[worldangel]

 Joke: Getting tough...

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Marriage counselling

A couple were having marital problems. They decided to do the right thing and contacted a marriage counselor.

Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of listening carried out. Eventually the counselor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the wife and asking her to stand up, he gave her a big kiss.

He turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs, at least once every day.”

The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, “OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?”

[worldangel]

Joke: Light Humor

A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong?

The man says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth."

To this the doctor responds, "You think you're a moth?

Well I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like what you need is a therapist."

"Yeah I know," replies the patient. "I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came in here because I saw your light was on."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Jury duty...

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

[worldangel]

Joke: Nude Tiptoer...

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30.

So she decided to be considerate and not rouse him this time. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom, only to find him sitting up in bed, reading.

"Oh No!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?!?"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A sweet little boy surprised his ...

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict.

 

The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."

[worldangel]

Joke: Picture menu

Stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated “Picture Menu Available”.

I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.

Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, “Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?”

[worldangel]

Joke: Picture menu

Stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated “Picture Menu Available”.

I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.

Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, “Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?”

[worldangel]

Joke: A boy was having a lot of difficulty in ...

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. 

To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." 

The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" 

"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" 

"I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them." 

[worldangel]

Joke: A bit apprehensive...

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises.

 

Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.

 

He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.

"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

[worldangel]

Joke: Ladies Restroom

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, “May I please speak to your manager?”

 

He says, “Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?”

 

She replies, “I don't know if your the man to talk to…it’s kind of personal…”

 

Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, “I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss.”

 

She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth…and he begins sucking them, thinking “I'm in!!!”

 

She goes, “Can you give the manager something for me?”

 

The bartender nods…yes. “Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom.”

[worldangel]

Joke: A bad sign...

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold. A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.

He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.

He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign. Turns out somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'Shell' sign."

[worldangel]

 Joke: These 2 guys decide that they ...

These 2 guys decide that they are going to take a fishing vacation together. They agree that they would go deep-sea fishing.

They get there and get all settled in, then the next morning they get up early and head for the boat. On the way to the boat, they see this guy sitting alone fishing off of a pier. They go out for 8 hours, and when they come back they see the same guy still fishing at the same spot.

The next morning on the way to the boat, they see the same guy at the same spot fishing. Again, they go out for 8 hours and when the get back they see the same guy at the same spot still fishing.

Same thing happens the next day. When they get back to the hotel after their third and last day of fishing, they decide that since they don't have to get up in the morning, they would go to a local bar.

When the get to the bar, they see the same guy from the pier sitting at the bar by himself drinking a beer. Well, they decide that they are going to sit by this guy. They sit there, and each has a beer. Then one guy asks him "Are you here on a fishing vacation too? We see you every morning at the pier."

The guy replies "No, I'm here on my honeymoon."

One guy says "Honeymoon!? Don't you think you should be with your bride making love instead of here drinking?"

They guy replies "No, she's got gonorrhea!"

One guy says "Well, you could at least be alone with her, cuddling or SOMETHING!"

The guy says "No, she's got diarrhea too!"

One guy then says "Man, have you even kissed her yet?"

He says "No, she's got pyorrhea too!"

One guy then says "Gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea! Man, if don't mind me asking, why on earth did you marry her?"

The guy says "Well, she's got worms too, and you know how I love to fish!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Foreign language lessons

Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.

"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?"

"Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Damn he can drive!

This guy is on the street corner spitting and cussing.

A little old lady goes and gets a cop, telling him there is a guy spitting and cussing.

Sure enough when the cop come up to the guy he spits and says, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."

The cop tells him to stop spitting and cussing. And then asks him what the problem is.

The man again spits and says, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."

The cops again tells him not to spit and cuss and asks him what the problem is.

The man replies, "I was thumbing a ride when this guy stops and picked me up. He takes off at 100 miles an hour, and I am scared to death.

"As we entered town the guy slows down to about 60 miles per hour and skids into a alley where again he picks up speed.

"Right in front of us are two 18 wheelers parked on either side of the alley with only 4 feet between them.

"I screamed out 'We are going to die!'

"Then right before we were going to crash I looked over and told the guy, 'If you get us out of this I will suck your dick!'"

Again he spits and tells the cop, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light.

 

The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist.

 

The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped.
 

"About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?"

 

The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."

[worldangel]

 Joke: While the bar patron savored a...

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive woman sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."

"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.

"What are you celebrating?" he asked.

"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."

"How did it happen?"

"I switched cocks."

"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

[worldangel]

Joke: Car Theft

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.

When returning to her car she found that she had locked her keys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.

She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.

She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.

Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don't know how to use this.”

So she bowed her head and asked Heaven to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank you so much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank Goodness! You even sent me a Professional!”

[worldangel]

 Joke: Saving time

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.”

“Why?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years,” the expert explained.

 

“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.

One day I told her, “Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.

Now I do it in 10…”

[worldangel]

Joke: A blonde named Mary decides to...

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.

"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.

"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.

[worldangel]

Joke: A man awoke one evening to discover ...

A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said "Are they in your house?" He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house.

 

The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!"

 

Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all!"

 

The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Weekend

A balding, white haired gentleman from St. Augustine Beach, walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this past last Friday evening with a beautiful ... much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and quickly brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "Oh No, I'd like to see something more special than that!"

At that statement, the jeweler went to his safe for his special stock and brought out another ring. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said .. as he watched the young lady's eyes sparkle and shine and her whole body begin to trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this .. smiled and said, "Ok, That's the one. We'll take it."

When the jeweler inquired as to how payment would be made, the man stated, "I'll just write you a check. But since I know you'll want to make sure my check is good first, I'll write it tonight and you can call the bank Monday morning to verify the funds and then we'll just drop by and pick up the ring sometime on Monday afternoon."

"That will be just fine" said the jeweler "I'll get it polished and packaged especially for you" ...!

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said .. "You #$(@ ##@ sew and sew .... there's only $25 in your checking account."

"Yep, I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about the unbelievable weekend I just had!!!

See... Not All Seniors Are Senile!!!

[worldangel]

Joke: How To Help Around The House

Philip was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way he had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.

He ignored his wife Paula's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but Philip didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.

Paula looked so stricken that he had to offer some consolation.

‘That's OK, darling,' Philip said. ‘You still have me.'

Paula looked up at him with tears in her eyes. ‘Yes, Philip,' she wailed, ‘but you don't work either.'

[worldangel]

 Joke: Waiting On A Long Line

The check-out line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate.

 

At one point she wailed "Oh no, NOW what do I do ? It just rang up sixty-four thousand, five hundred seventy four dollars in sales tax on a ten-dollar sale !"

Suprisingly, the customers in front of me didn't seem too upset by the delay.

Some even chuckled sympathetically. It wasn't until I got near the front of the line that I saw the neatly hand-lettered sign in front of the register: WE ARE CURRENTLY DOING BATTLE WITH OUR NEW COMPUTER FOR CONTROL OF THE STORE---WE APPRECIATE YOUR PATIENCE.

[worldangel]

 Joke: The Lemon Picker 

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

“Look, Miss,” said the foreman, “have you any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, yes!” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: So Happy She Screamed

A man nursing the flu was forced to stay home. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him.

She was so thrilled to have him around that when a deliveryman or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s home! My husband’s home!”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: See Right Through It

The perky blond returned home with an ultra-Mod, clear plastic mini-dress and held it up for her husband’s approval.

“Why, you can see right through it!” the incredulous husband gasped.

“No you can not, silly,” she answered. “Not when I’m in it.”

 

[worldangel]

The 29,000^th post

 

Joke: What About the Smell?

A husband and his wife were driving down the road when a car ahead of their's hit a skunk. Being the humanitarians that they are, they stopped, picked up the skunk, and put him in the back seat for there was a vet right up the road.

They proceeded to the vet when on the way the driver sees police lights in the rear-view mirror. Panicking, the wife says, "What should I do with the skunk?

"Put it up your skirt!" the husband replies.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just pinch his nose shut!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: That's Not A Foot

An extremely drunk man looking for a brothel stumbles into a podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain.”

Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pull out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtain.

“That’s not a foot!” screams the receptionist.

“Hey lady, I didn’t know you had a minimum!”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Laxative Cure 

The pharmacist comes to in to the drugstore to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He approaches the clerk and asks, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says the man came in earlier to get something for his cough. And since she could not find the cough syrup, she gave him a bottle of laxative.

The horrified pharmacist shouts, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!”

The clerk calmly responds, “Of course you can. Look at him, he's afraid to cough.”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Free advice at social affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

 

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?"

 

The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
 

[worldangel]

Joke: There were two guys working for...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.

The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

[worldangel]

Joke: Mother of Six

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"