worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Obese wife My obese wife died last night. In her memory I’m going to eat a chocolate cake. It’s what she would have wanted. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: In the pharmacy After queueing up for almost half an hour in the pharmacy last week, I finally got to the counter. The woman looked at me and said, “I’m really sorry about your wait.” I said, “You’re not so skinny yourself, actually.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Costume Party I went to a costume party dressed as a harp. The host asked me, “What are you dressed as?” I told him, “I’m a harp.” He said, “But your costume is too small to be a harp.” I was incredibly offended, and asked him, “Are you calling me a lyre?!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: No Lawyers Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes. Me: I wish for a world without lawyers. Genie: Done, you have no more wishes. Me: But you said 3. Genie: Sue me. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Pre And Post Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together… Would be preposterous. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Fake Bills I was working in my shop when the cashier called me over. He said, “These two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty-dollar bills.” “What did they look like?” I asked. He said, “Fifty-dollar bills.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Out of Order Someone texted me in the middle of the night. All the text said was “G A B N”. I think that’s bang out of order. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: 3 Knots Two old sailors were talking after being out at sea for 3 months. One said, "When I get to shore, I am going to have a super sauna, hot shower, and then find a loose woman." The other said, "Well, good luck to you mate." Later on shore, this old sailor found his loose woman and takes her to his hotel room. Then does what an old sailor would do in those circumstances. After while he says to her, "Well, how am I doing?" She replied, "About 3 knots." "What do mean by that?” the old sailor replied. She said, " One, you're not hard. Two, you're not in. And three, you’re not getting your money back." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Mental Arithmetic I went for a job interview today and the interviewer said to me, “According to your CV, you’re really quick at mental arithmetic.” I said, “Yes, that’s right.” He asked me, “Okay, what’s eighteen multiplied by nineteen?” He said, “No, that’s not even close.” I said, “No, but it was quick.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Honesty Is The Best Policy I went for a job interview yesterday. The interviewer asked me what my biggest weakness was. I said, “My honesty.” He said, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” I said, “I don’t care what you think.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: I Know CPR I was in a bar getting drunk last night, when the bartender shouted out, “Does anyone know CPR?” I shouted back, “I do. In fact, I know the entire alphabet.” Everyone in the bar laughed. Except for one guy. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Divorce Court “Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully, ”said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband. “I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Air Hostess I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said, “Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?” I said, “What are the options?” She said, “Yes and No.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Table Reservation A mummy phones a restaurant and asks to reserve a table for the Pharaoh Sakrakhotep I. The woman at the restaurant says, “Could you spell it out, please?” The mummy says, “Of course: bird, two triangles, wavy line, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Alice In Wonderland Character I said to my friend, “My girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character, and it’s getting really annoying!” He said, “Are you mad at her?” I said, “Geez! Don’t you start too!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Electrifying Sex An old man and his wife go for a walk through the countryside and they come across a fence where they used to do their courting when they were younger. Excited by the memories of their younger days, they make love furiously, with arms and legs flailing around all over the place. When they have finished, the exhausted woman says in a surprised tone of voice, “You know, you never used to have sex with me like that 50 years ago”. The man replies “Well, that fence wasn’t electric 50 years ago!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Test Results A man is lying in bed in hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth when a young nurse turns up to wash his hands and feet. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?” The rookie nurse is embarrassed and replies, “I don’t know, sir, I’m only here to wash your hands and feet.” He struggles again to ask, “Nurse, are my testicles black?” Again, the nurse replies, “I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your hands and feet,” as she carries on washing him. Once more the man mumbles, “Nurse, are testicles black?” Finally, the nurse pulls back the bed covers, lifts the man’s gown, holds his member in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, before saying “There is nothing wrong with them!” Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, “That was very nice but, are… my… test… results… back?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Teenage Sex Education My teenage daughter came home from school today and she was blazing mad. “I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper and looked at her… “Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Traffic Warden’s Funeral As the coffin is being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams, “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!” The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters… “Too late pal, I’ve already done the paperwork.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Medical Exam A blonde woman is having a medical examination at the doctor’s. The doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let’s check the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble…” The blonde starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor… “No! No! Just stick out your tongue!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Blind Date I had a blind date last night but before it I was worried what to do if she was really unattractive. My friend told me not to worry as there’s an app for just that situation. It’s called “Mom Are You Ok” and it schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date. If you like her, you just ignore your phone. I want to cut short the date, you answer with, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are it works every time, no worries. So anyway, I knocked on the girl’s door and it turns out I needn’t have worried at all. She was absolutely gorgeous and stunning! But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. She answered it and said, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are you okay?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Moving Fox A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he rings the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found. She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?” The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: A Reason To Cry Do you remember when you were a kid and when you cried your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry”? I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Nice Day I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said yes. I said, “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: You There is a husband and a wife that, over their marriage, have eight kids. One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven. The husband goes to his wife and asks her, “Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?” The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head. The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, “So who is Billy’s father?” “You.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Appendicitis A man calls his doctor. “Doctor, my wife has appendicitis, it’s an emergency!” The doctor says, “That’s impossible, I personally removed your wife’s appendix! I have never seen someone having appendicitis twice!” “And someone having a new wife, have you seen that?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Emergency room A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple punk rocker Mohawk hair, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing was admitted. It was quickly determined she had acute appendicitis and she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass”. Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a note above the incision, “Sorry we had to mow the lawn”. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Dentist’s clinic A guy walks into the dentist’s clinic with his wife and says to the dentist, “Listen Doc, I’m in a real hurry. I’ve got three buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to play golf, so don’t worry about the anesthetic. I don’t have time for to wait for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! Today is Friday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:15 already.” The dentist thinks, “Wow! This is one brave guy asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.” So, he says to the man, “Sure Sir, which tooth is it?” The guy turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth and show him, dear.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: A child asked his father A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So, his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: What is your name? Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Please advise A romantic wife sent a text to her husband one day. It read, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, sent me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!” The husband, a typically non-romantic man, replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: I was making love … I was making love to my friend’s wife the other evening when her phone rang. I freaked out and hurriedly started getting dressed because I could hear it was her husband. She hung up and told me not to panic – he told her he was going to be late home because he was out drinking with me. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: What are you doing? A wife came home and finds her husband sitting in front of a game of chess with a raw egg propped up on the other side. She asks, “What are you doing?” He responds, “Well this pancake recipe says I need one beaten egg.” “So, you decided to play it in a chess game?” “Well yeah, but the darn egg keeps winning!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Giving Up Alcohol I’m giving up alcohol for a month. Wait, I typed that wrong… I’m giving up. Alcohol for a month. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Unconventional Doctor A woman walks into the doctor’s surgery but doesn’t like the way he’s looking at her while she is talking to him. So, when he tells her to undress, she asks him to turn out the lights before she takes off her clothes. After he turns out the lights she asks, “Where should I put my clothes?” “Just hang them up over here,” he says, “next to mine.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Online Dating Is Not For Me I’ll never join one of those online dating services. I prefer to meet someone the good old-fashioned way. Through alcohol and poor judgement. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: A Girl Walks Into A Supermarket A girl walks into a supermarket and picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then goes to the cash register to pay. The cashier looks at her and the items she has and says, “I can tell you’re single.” She smiles and says, “How do you know that?” He says, “Because you’re ugly.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Worse Than Tennis Elbow? A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her. The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets. He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her, he says, “It’s golf balls.” Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time, appearing to think deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more and asks: “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: When Was I Born? I was talking to this blonde girl in a bar last night and I told her I could guess what day women were born just by feeling their boobs. “Oh yeah?” she said, “Go on then… tell me when I was born” After about thirty seconds of me fondling her boobs, she finally lost patience and demanded “Come on then, what day was I born?” “Yesterday.” I replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Believe In Life After Death My boss at work said to me today, “Do you believe in the supernatural and life after death?” “Yes, I think so,” I replied. He said, “I thought you probably would. Yesterday after you left early to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she phoned up to talk to you…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Cheap Drinks A guy walks into a bar and orders the finest Scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and passes it to him saying, “That will be $2, Sir.” The guy says, “Woah, that’s really cheap. You’re good people; I want to thank your manager. Where is he?” The bartender replies, “In the hotel room, Sir, with my wife.” The guy asks, “What’s he doing with your wife?” “The same thing I’m doing with his business.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Really Bad News I was in the hospital visiting a friend today and I couldn’t help overhearing a doctor say to one of the other patients, “I have some bad news, and some really bad news.” The patient asked, “What’s the bad news?” The doctor replied, “You only have 24 hours to live.” The patient said, “Oh my god! And what’s the really bad news?” The doctor said, “I should have told you yesterday.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: The Sun’s Come Out My wife shouted upstairs to me, “Hey, the sun’s just come out.” I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops, grabbed the sun cream and ran down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find my son holding hands with his friend Steven. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Weird Animals My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, “I’ve always wanted to get a manatee.” I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Not A Lawyer A cop arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car has smashed into a tree. He rushes over to the car and asks the driver, “Are you badly hurt?” “How do I know?” the driver replies. “I’m not a lawyer.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Time To Get My Own Place My mum said to me today that at the age of 45 it was about time I had my own place. I said to her that since she is 75, I was hoping not to have to wait much longer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Failing Sex Education Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One receives a D+, the second a D-, and the third an F. “One day we should get her for this,” says the first boy. “I agree. We’ll grab her…” says the second. “Yeah,” says the third. “and then we’ll kick her in the nuts!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Where's the Fire? A guy painting the inside walls of an outhouse fell through the opening and landed in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, “Fire! Fire! Fire! at the top of his lungs. The fire department responded with sirens roaring as they approached. “Where’s the fire?” asked the chief. “No fire,” replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. “But if I had yelled, ‘Shit! Shit! Shit!', who would have rescued me?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Pulling My Hair Out Two guys start a business. They invested all their money into it. Something goes wrong and they lose all their money. The one guy is going crazy and pulling his hair out. The other guy is perfectly calm just standing there with his hands in his pocket. The first guy says to him, ”How can you just sit there? I'm over here pulling my hair out!" The calm guy, just standing there with his hands still in his pocket, responds, "Oh, I’m pulling my hair out too." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Astronaut When I was young my dad told me that I could be anything that I wanted. He said, the sky is the limit. That made me sad though. I wanted to be an astronaut. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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