worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Beer I said, “I love you so much. I could never live without you.” My girlfriend giggled and asked, “Is that you talking or the beer?” I said, “It’s me talking to the beer.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Bulletproof I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present. I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get? He said, “A bulletproof one. I’m married.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: I love u I texted my wife today saying “I love u”. She replied, “Oh, really? :)” I said, “Yes, it’s my favourite vowel.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Did you arrest her? A police officer radioed to headquarters: “Chief we’ve got a situation here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor.” Chief: “Did you arrest her?” Officer: “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Allowance “Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband. “I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Pregnancy A wife finds out she’s pregnant and wants to surprise her husband with the news, “Honey, I’m pregnant!” “Are you kidding me?” “That’s another way of saying it, I guess, yeah.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: … so negative My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Wife’s birthday It’s my wife’s birthday in a couple of days and when I asked her what she wanted she said she’d be happy with anything with lots of diamonds in it. She’s going to love this pack of playing cards I’ve bought her. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Satisfying I went to the doctor and told him that I’m having trouble ‘satisfying’ the wife. He told me I should do what he does. I asked, “What’s that, then?” He said, “Earn 100k a year.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Ultimatum My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was as easy as pie. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Wooden tie My wife said she saw a bowtie made from solid mahogany. She told me she nearly bought it for me but she didn’t think I would wear it. I replied “Wooden tie?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: It’s everywhere A young boy goes to his Dad one day and says, “Dad, did you know in some countries you don’t know who your wife is until you get married?” The dad replies, “It’s like that everywhere, son.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: 45-year old My wife came home from the doctors today and was looking all pleased with herself, so I asked her why she was so happy. She said, “The doctor said that for a 45-year old woman, I’ve got the breasts of an 18 year old.” I said, “Oh yeah, and what did he say about your 45-year old ass?” She said, “Your name never came up in conversation.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Husband & wife A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance!” says the husband. “It’s three o’clock in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push.” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not! It’s three in the morning and it’s pouring out!” “Well, you have a short memory.” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!” The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here, on the swing.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Buy bread A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn’t want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. “Hey babe, I’m just changing clothes and then I will join you” he said. “ As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and she left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!” Then he hung up and walked out of the room. Heartbroken she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: “I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread”. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2021 Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Joke: Heart transplant An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “we have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.” “I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. “It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Tooth extraction A patient goes to the dentist for a tooth extraction. The dentist gives him some anesthesia and then quickly pulls out the tooth. He says to the patient, “That’ll be $500, please.” The patient says, “What! $500 for 5 minutes of extraction work? That’s a complete rip-off!” The dentist replies, “Well, I can make it longer if you’d like.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Teacher & Johnny Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Shoot Already Mr. and Mrs. Shaw were on a safari. They were walking cautiously through the jungle when suddenly a huge lion sprang out in front of them, seized Mrs. Shaw in its jaws and started to drag her off into the bush. “Shoot!” she screamed to her husband. “Shoot!” “I can’t!” he yelled back. “I’ve run out of film!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: At a convention At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher said to another, “Did you know in our lab we’ve switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?” “Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?” The first researcher said, “Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don’t get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won’t do.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Stolen I went to the police and told them my credit card had been stolen six months earlier. They asked me, why I hadn’t reported it earlier. I said, “Because the thief was spending less than my wife.” So, then they asked why I was reporting it now. I said, “I think the thief’s wife has started using it.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Between a liar and a thief A lawyer and a politician are at the hospital when a doctor runs into the room. “One of our patients is dying. He says his religion needs a lawyer and a politician to be with him before he passes.” So, the three hurry to the man’s room. He’s in pain, but as soon as he sees them a smile comes over his face. The lawyer steps forward and asks, “Out of all the people you could have chosen as a last request, why pick us?” “Because,” the man says, “I want to die the way Jesus did. Between a liar and a thief.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: The thief A thief stole a sine and a cosine. He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine. He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine – but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan so he stacked cosine over sine. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: The electrician An electrician finishes repairing some faulty wiring in an attorney’s home and hands him the bill. ”Four hundred dollars! For an hour’s work?” shouts the attorney. ”That’s ridiculous! I’m an attorney and even I don’t charge that much.” The electrician replies: ”Funny, when I was an attorney I didn’t either!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Retirement These two old guys from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “You know, I’m 85 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains all the time. I feel like I’m falling apart.. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” The second old guy replies, “You know, I feel just like a newborn baby.” The first old guy says, “Really! Like a newborn baby?” The second old guy says, “Yeah – no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Three retired men These three old retired guys were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them in fifty years time. The first old guy says, “I’d like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business.'” The second old guy then says, “Fifty years from now, I want my grandchildren to say, ‘He was a faithful and loving family man.'” The first old guy then turns to the third and asks him, “So what do you want your grandchildren to say about you in fifty years time?” The third old guy replies “Me? I just want them all to say, ‘He looks good for his age!'” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: A salesman A salesman dropped in to an office see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying the waste baskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.” “Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!” “Please don’t tell him!” said the dog. “If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone, too!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: The other two call him boss One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one. The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?” The assistant replies that it costs $2,000. The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant tells him, “This parrot is a very special one. He can type really fast.” “Okay, what about the green one?” the man asks. The assistant says, “He costs $5,000 because he can type, answer incoming phone calls and takes notes.” “What about the red one?” the man then asks. The assistant says, “That one’s $10,000.” Curious, the man asks, “What does he do?” The assistant says, “I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Back In The Old Days “Back in the day,” my grandfather started to say, “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well.” “But today,” he continued, “Wherever you go, there are cameras.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Deodorant Stick I bought a deodorant stick today. The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom.” I can barely walk but when I fart the room does smell lovely. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Google Glasses I asked my son what he wants me to get him for Christmas. He said, “Google Glasses!” I said, “OK, but I already know what glasses are!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Not Paying Attention My wife said to me, “You’re shirtless and also covered in… oil?” I said, “Well, you’re always saying I never glisten.” My wife said, “Listen! You never listen!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Captive Toast At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures. I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?” “It was bread in captivity” she replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Not Cut Out For It I said to my son today, “Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime artist.” He said, “Is it something I said?” I said, “Yes.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Mother Always Said My mother used to say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Chicken And Egg I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered. The chicken. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Bank Robber A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors. But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Labour Pains My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are going to kill me!!” “I am sorry, honey,” I replied. “What is wrong?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Airplane Mode The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely it’s not going to rain again today?” She replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.” I guess I left my phone in Airplane mode again. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: 3D Printer 3D printers are now printing guns. That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Which Doctor? I said to my wife, “I need to call the doctor today.” She said, “Which doctor?” I said, “No, the regular kind.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: It Never Works! The women I meet in bars always have the worst pick-up lines. They’re like, “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?” Never works on me, ladies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Buy Some Meat I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them. He said, “By mistake?” I said, “Oh come on, not you as well!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: I Like To Help I saw a poster that said, “Have you seen my cat?” I rang the number and told them I haven’t. I like to help where I can. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Not Likeable Enough My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn’t likeable. It’s an autobiography. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Bad Luck This woman’s husband had been ill in hospital for several months. He kept slipping in and out of a coma but she remained faithfully by his bedside every single day. Then one day, when he woke from his coma, he motioned for her to come nearer to him. As she moved closer and sat beside him, with eyes filling with tears he whispered into her ear, “You know what? You’ve been with me through all the tough times. When I got fired from my job, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there for me. When I got shot, you were by my side all the time. When we lost the house, you stayed right here with me. And even when my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear,” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth, her eyes welling with tears. He said, “I think you’re bad luck…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Dad & son My son asked me today, “Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?” I said, “I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most beautiful blonde I’d ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her.” He asked, “So what happened?” I said, “Nothing. Unfortunately, the arrow missed and hit your Mother.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6, 2021 Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 Joke: Remote control He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. “Why are you stopping?” she whispered. He whispered back, “I found the remote. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2021 Report Share Posted August 7, 2021 Joke: How Many Trees? My son asked my how you can tell if someone is an alcoholic. I said, “Do you see those four trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see eight.” My son said, “But Dad, I only see two.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2021 Report Share Posted August 7, 2021 Joke: Oldest Computer The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. Yes, it was an Apple. But with an extremely limited memory. Then everything crashed. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts