worldangel Posted April 24, 2022 Report Share Posted April 24, 2022 Joke: College Plans A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he'd like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you like to take when you attend college?" they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it." SAKnight93 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 24, 2022 Report Share Posted April 24, 2022 Joke: Quarter Back I recently took my wife grocery shopping near Detroit at one of those Supermarkets where you have to insert a quarter in the Shopping cart to unlock from the next cart. My wife used the cart for all that she was getting. When she came to the car with the grocery, I loaded them into the car and she took the shopping cart. Rather then put the cart back to get her quarter back, I noticed she turned over the shopping cart to someone going into the market and didn't even get a quarter. I thought to myself, "I guess Detroit Lions are not the only ones that give away their 'Quarter Back'!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 25, 2022 Report Share Posted April 25, 2022 Joke: Letter of Apology Yo, Momma is so ugly... Her birth certificate is letter of apology from the condom factory! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 25, 2022 Report Share Posted April 25, 2022 Joke: The Movie Experience The 'movie experience' is getting worse everyday… Why just the other day I saw two hours of sex and violence, and that was only in the lobby! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 25, 2022 Report Share Posted April 25, 2022 Joke: Put Your Hand Up A little girl was told off for wetting herself in class. "Why didn't you put your hand up", asked the teacher? "I did, but it kept running out." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 25, 2022 Report Share Posted April 25, 2022 Joke: What About the Smell? A husband and his wife were driving down the road when a car ahead of their's hit a skunk. Being the humanitarians that they are, they stopped, picked up the skunk, and put him in the back seat for there was a vet right up the road. They proceeded to the vet when on the way the driver sees police lights in the rear-view mirror. Panicking, the wife says, "What should I do with the skunk? "Put it up your skirt!" the husband replies. "But what about the smell?" "Just pinch his nose shut!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 25, 2022 Report Share Posted April 25, 2022 Joke: Alien At the Bar An alien is in a bar sitting next to this guy. Every time he takes a drink, he spins on his stool, pokes the guy next to him and goes bzzz. He does these two or three times. Finally the guy gets annoyed and tells the alien that if he doesn't quit it, he will beat him up. The alien takes a drink, spins his stool, pokes the guy and goes bzzz. This infuriates the man, and he takes him outside and pulls down his pants and stands back aghast. "There's nothing there! How so you people have sex?" The alien smiles, and goes bzzz. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 25, 2022 Report Share Posted April 25, 2022 Joke: That's Not A Foot An extremely drunk man looking for a brothel stumbles into a podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain.” Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pull out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtain. “That’s not a foot!” screams the receptionist. “Hey lady, I didn’t know you had a minimum!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 Joke: Isn't This Enough? A woman is in a psychiatrist's office and says to her doctor, "Please, kiss me!" The doctor responds, "That's all I need. Isn't it enough that we're naked and I'm lying on top of you? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 Joke: A Simple Yes or No Mark's dental-chair discovery… Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer. SAKnight93 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 Joke: Stop Insulting My Wife A guy is traveling across the plains of a country and stops at a roadhouse. He stands at the end of the bar quietly sipping his beer and blowing smoke rings. After this goes on for a while an angry indigenious approaches him and says, “Now buddy, listen if you don’t stop insulting my wife, I’ll kick the crap out of you!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 Joke: The Lemon Picker The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. “Look, Miss,” said the foreman, “have you any actual experience in picking lemons?” “Well, as a matter of fact, yes!” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 Joke: Rapidly Filled Testicles The Queen is visiting one of country’s top hospitals and during the tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh Goodness," said the Queen. "That’s disgraceful! What is the meaning of this?" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I am sorry, your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day they'll explode and he’ll die instantly." "Oh, I’m so sorry," said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blowjob. "Oh my Goodness!" said the queen. "What’s happening there?!?!" The doctor replied, “Same problem, better health coverage.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 Joke: The Laxative Cure The pharmacist comes to in to the drugstore to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He approaches the clerk and asks, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says the man came in earlier to get something for his cough. And since she could not find the cough syrup, she gave him a bottle of laxative. The horrified pharmacist shouts, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!” The clerk calmly responds, “Of course you can. Look at him, he's afraid to cough.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 27, 2022 Report Share Posted April 27, 2022 Joke: Was I Any Good? The morning after Sue asks Jeff, “Was I any good?” Jeff says, “Were you any good? I haven’t been this sore since I was circumcised!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 27, 2022 Report Share Posted April 27, 2022 Joke: Get Some Toilet Paper A blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in the backyard. A bird flew over them and pooped on his head. “Shit,” the man said. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for?” said the girl. “He must be a mile away by now.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 27, 2022 Report Share Posted April 27, 2022 Joke: Make Her Scream AFTER An Orgasm How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm? Wipe your penis on the curtains. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 27, 2022 Report Share Posted April 27, 2022 Joke: The Man Who Kidnapped Your Wife The phone rings. "Hello," says the husband. A voice from the other side answers, "I am the man who kidnapped your wife and I demand you to pay $100,000 dollars if you want her back." The husband replies, "How about I pay you $200,000 dollars and you keep her?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 27, 2022 Report Share Posted April 27, 2022 Joke: What's Sex? A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams. He thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks, "So what did you want to know about sex for?" "Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Joke: Twin Brother In Prison My twin brother called me from prison. He said: “You know how we finish each other’s sentences?” SAKnight93 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Joke: I'm Telling Him: "Your little brother just saw me kiss you. What can I give him to keep him from telling your parents? Her: "He generally gets 5 dollars." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Joke: Describe Me In Five Words I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and ultimately I'm perfect! Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Joke: Little Girl Races Uncle A customer recently shared with me about a little girl who boasted that she could beat her uncle in a footrace. But as it turned out, he made it around the track twice before she made it around even once! Isn't that a real niece lapper? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Joke: The Third Biggest Lie Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail" and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Here is a sampling from the thousands she received: - "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock." - "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height." - "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed." - "Of course I'll respect you in the morning." - "You don't look a day over 40." - "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study." - "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite." - "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same." - "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take care of it myself." - "Your hair looks just fine." - "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there." - "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29, 2022 Report Share Posted April 29, 2022 Joke: The Guy Who Stole My Diary The guy who stole my diary died... My thoughts are with his family. SAKnight93 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29, 2022 Report Share Posted April 29, 2022 Joke: Highway to Hell The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot... A lot about the anticipated traffic numbers. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29, 2022 Report Share Posted April 29, 2022 Joke: A Voter At a campaign stop, a voter told a candidate, "I wouldn't vote for you if you were St. Peter himself!" "If I were St. Peter," the politician replied, "you wouldn't be in my district." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29, 2022 Report Share Posted April 29, 2022 Joke: A Social Drinker What is a social drinker? If someone says, "I'll have a beer please," a social drinker always replies, "Social I!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29, 2022 Report Share Posted April 29, 2022 Joke: A Great Job A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday." SAKnight93 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 Joke: In A Room There can be 100 people in a room... And 99 won't slap you, but one Will. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 Joke: When A Joke Becomes A Dad Joke When does a joke become a dad joke? When it is apparent. SAKnight93 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 Joke: What I Know About Galileo My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo. I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 Joke: He Ordered A Double What happened when a man ordered a double? The barman brought out someone that looked just like him. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 Joke: The Bad News After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only forty-five." "Thirty-Seven," came the weak reply from Lena. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1, 2022 Report Share Posted May 1, 2022 Joke: Eggs Are No Yoke I wanted to come up with a "Joke of the day" about eggs. So, I grabbed a carton of a dozen eggs, opened it and several were broken. I guess the yoke is on me now. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1, 2022 Report Share Posted May 1, 2022 Joke: Goes Down Like Sandpaper A man walks into a bar and orders the latest, seasonal beer. He takes one gulp and nearly chokes. “This beer goes down like sandpaper!” he yells. “Of course,” replies the bartender, “it’s only a rough draft.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1, 2022 Report Share Posted May 1, 2022 Joke: In the Locker Room A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1, 2022 Report Share Posted May 1, 2022 Joke: Two Women Archaeologists Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum. Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck." The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1, 2022 Report Share Posted May 1, 2022 Joke: Marriage Food and Promises A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids...." I have changed my system for labelling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food"... no matter what my husband replies, I know I now have it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2, 2022 Report Share Posted May 2, 2022 Joke: They Laugh When They Run Why do midgets laugh when they run? Cause the grass tickles their nuts. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2, 2022 Report Share Posted May 2, 2022 Joke: For A Few Minutes Work Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2, 2022 Report Share Posted May 2, 2022 Joke: On A Technicality A young major was apprehended, completely nude, while chasing a woman though the lobby of a large hotel. However, his lawyer soon had him freed on a technicality. The Army manual specifically states that an officer need not be in uniform, provided he is properly attired for the sport in which he is engaged. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2, 2022 Report Share Posted May 2, 2022 Joke: A Person Inside Me A young woman was so excited to learn she was pregnant that she had to tell her friends right away. It was about midnight when she called the last one. "I can’t believe I have a person inside me!" she screeched. "So do I!" said the friend. "Can I call you back in an hour?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2, 2022 Report Share Posted May 2, 2022 Joke: The Recurring Nightmare "Doctor, you have to help me!" said the man lying down on the couch. "Every night I have the same horrible dream. I am lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing of my clothes.” The psychiatrist nodded. “And what do you do?” “I push them away.” “I see. What do you want me to do?” The man implored, “Break my arms!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2, 2022 Report Share Posted May 2, 2022 Joke: Car Dealership Screw Job A patrolman was making his evening rounds in this small town. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it? “Heavens no, we bought it,” replied one lady. “Then why don’t you drive it away?” “We can’t drive.” “Then why did you buy it?” “We were told that if we bought a used car here, we’d get screwed… we’re just waiting.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3, 2022 Report Share Posted May 3, 2022 Joke: Goes Down Like Sandpaper A man walks into a bar and orders the latest, seasonal beer. He takes one gulp and nearly chokes. “This beer goes down like sandpaper!” he yells. “Of course,” replies the bartender, “it’s only a rough draft.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3, 2022 Report Share Posted May 3, 2022 Joke: Eggs Are No Yoke I wanted to come up with a "Joke of the day" about eggs. So, I grabbed a carton of a dozen eggs, opened it and several were broken. I guess the yoke is on me now. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3, 2022 Report Share Posted May 3, 2022 Joke: In the Locker Room A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3, 2022 Report Share Posted May 3, 2022 Joke: Two Women Archaeologists Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum. Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck." The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3, 2022 Report Share Posted May 3, 2022 Joke: Marriage Food and Promises A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids...." I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food"... no matter what my husband replies, I know I now have it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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