worldangel Posted May 13, 2022 Report Share Posted May 13, 2022 Joke: Cut Out Wednesday A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests show nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can’t," says the woman. "That’s the only night I’m home with my husband." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 13, 2022 Report Share Posted May 13, 2022 Joke: Will This Help With My Sunburn? Sam is on vacation. After the firs day his legs are painfully sunburned, so he goes to a doctor’s office. The doctor examines his legs and says. “Try this.” He hands him a Viagra tablet. Sam says, “What will this do to help my sunburn?” The doctor replies, “Nothing, but it’ll keep the sheets off of your legs for a night.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: Tofu and Dildos What do dildos and tofu have in common? They are both meat substitutes. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: Idiots In the Room "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student. "But I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: Men and Sperm What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: Expose Yourself to Art Told by his psychiatrist to stop spending all his time reading pornography and to expose himself to real art, the perpetually horny young man took his advice. So he traveled to the Louvre and he opened his trench coat in front of the Mona Lisa. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: Walk Tall It was the foreigner’s first time at a baseball game. His friend cheered wildly each time a batter came to the plate, and after a while the foreigner cheered as well. After Vinnie DiFate had had his turn at bat, the foreigner shouted, “Run, Vinnie, run!” “No,” his friend said, “Vinnie has four balls, so he walks.” Eyes wide, the foreigner yelled, “Walk tall, Vinnie! Walk tall!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: What's the Nail For? A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores. “A guy will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate." Satisfied that his wife had the instructions clear, the farmer leaves for town. That afternoon, the inseminator arrives and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail. “This is the cow right here,” she tells him. “What’s the nail for?” “I guess it’s to hang up your pants.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 14, 2022 Report Share Posted May 14, 2022 Joke: And the Rum? “What’s that drink you’re mixing?” the stranger asked the bartender in the exotic Caribbean bar. “I call this a rum dandy,” said the bartender. “What’s in it?” asked the stranger. “Sugar, milk, and rum,” said the bartender. “Is it good?” asked the stranger. “Sure,” said the barkeep. “The sugar gives you pep, the milk gives you energy.” “And the rum?” asked the stranger. “Ideas about what to do with all that pep and energy,” replied the bartender. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 16, 2022 Report Share Posted May 16, 2022 Joke: Judging the Modern Girl You can’t judge the modern girl by her clothes… There just isn’t enough evidence. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 16, 2022 Report Share Posted May 16, 2022 Joke: I Have To Go Pee A teacher, trying to teach good manners, asked her student the following question, “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'" The teacher fainted. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 17, 2022 Report Share Posted May 17, 2022 Joke: Broken Phone I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 17, 2022 Report Share Posted May 17, 2022 Joke: Battery Needed I said to my son, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.” He asked, “Is it for a clock?” I answered, “I don’t know! That’s why I need the battery!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 17, 2022 Report Share Posted May 17, 2022 Joke: Funeral Speech A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow, “Mind if I say a word?” She says, “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says, “Bargain.” The widow replies, “Thanks that means a great deal.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 18, 2022 Report Share Posted May 18, 2022 Joke: Fluffy's In Heat Little Sally asks her dad if she could take her dog Fluffy far a walk around the block. He tells her no, because Fluffy was in heat. Little Sally asks, "What does in heat mean?" Without any explanation, her dad took a rag with gas on it and wiped the dog’s rear end with it. He told her to go around the block and come back straight home. When she returned she was alone. Her dad asks, "Where is Fluffy?" Little Sally says, "Fluffy ran out of gas a few blocks back and another dog is pushing her home." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 18, 2022 Report Share Posted May 18, 2022 Joke: The Trouser Worm The teacher was some months pregnant and as she stood in front of her 5th grade class, Betty asks, "Why is your stomach swelled up?" So she said, "Can anybody tell me why my stomach is swelled up?" Jane said, "You were bit by a snake!" Billy said, "You were bit by a spider?" "No, neither one of those is correct," she said. Little Johnny then says, "I know why teacher." "Okay, why Johnny?" "You were bit by a trouser worm." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 Joke: Her Weight in Gold The sheik says to a tourist. “Mr. Smith, your wife, she is beautiful. I have to have her. I will trade you her weight in gold.” Mr. Smith says, “Give a few days.” The sheik asks, “To think it over?” Mr. Smith says, “Hell, no. To fatten her up!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 Joke: This Is My Sister The non-commissioned officer surprised the private in the barracks with a girl. “Uh-uh, this is my sister, Serge.” the private stuttered. “That’s okay,” the sergeant soothed. “She used to be mine.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 20, 2022 Report Share Posted May 20, 2022 Joke: When Alone Sometimes I talk to myself when I'm alone and it's kinda sad. Me too. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 20, 2022 Report Share Posted May 20, 2022 Joke: Threatening Letters The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped." "Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who's sending them?" "Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 20, 2022 Report Share Posted May 20, 2022 Joke: Judge, Whose Coke Is it? A man and his young wife were in divorce court, and the custody of their children created a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should keep custody of them. Then man also wanted custody and the judge asked him to justify his demand. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 21, 2022 Report Share Posted May 21, 2022 Joke: Too Many Knock-Knock Jokes Child: Knock knock... Dad: Come on in, it's open! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 21, 2022 Report Share Posted May 21, 2022 Joke: Money or Show I was just on the phone with a company that said I won my choice of either $500 or tickets to see an Elvis Presley tribute band... I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show! yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 22, 2022 Report Share Posted May 22, 2022 Joke: Infernal Revenue Service The IRS is out of control... Now that I'm older, they've even taxed my memory! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 22, 2022 Report Share Posted May 22, 2022 Joke: Baby Prayers A little boy said he wanted a baby brother. His Dad smiled and suggested he pray for one. The boy prayed earnestly, night after night, but after a couple weeks with no baby brother, he didn't bother to ask anymore. A few months later Dad said Mom was in the hospital and had a surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw Mom holding two babies! "Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?" Dad asked. The little boy, in awe, said: "I'm glad I stopped praying when I did!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 23, 2022 Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 Joke: House of Representatives After serving for several years in the House of Representatives, Charlie decided to run for a seat in the Parliament A fellow Member of Parliament asked Charlie why he was making this change. Charlie explained: "My wife wanted me out of the house." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 24, 2022 Report Share Posted May 24, 2022 Gay Joke: Poor guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" Rolling_Hafi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 25, 2022 Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 Joke: Identifying A Smart Ass How can you identify a smart ass? By his wise 'crack'! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 25, 2022 Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 Joke: Make My Users Satisfied A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated, "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish." The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said, "I'd like there to be a just and lasting peace among the people in the middle east." The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits." The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes." Genie replies, "Uh, let me see that map again." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 26, 2022 Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 Joke: Three Questions The cop asked, "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?" The miner replied, "Mine." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 27, 2022 Report Share Posted May 27, 2022 Joke: You Need Tacks Too?!?! Pharmacist: May I help you sir? Client: Yes… I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I’m going out on a date tonight, and you know, I need some… Pharmacist: You need some protection. Client: Right. Pharmacist: Small, medium, or large? Client: Uhhh. Medium, I guess. Pharmacist: Okay, that’ll be $2.35 including tax. Client: Tacks!! I thought they stayed on by themselves! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 27, 2022 Report Share Posted May 27, 2022 Joke: The Third Leg Conundrum Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He Walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped 'it' to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show". "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" asked Jeff. "I kicked her in the face." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 28, 2022 Report Share Posted May 28, 2022 Joke: Too Many Characters A dumb college blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian. "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh! You must be the person who took our phone book." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 28, 2022 Report Share Posted May 28, 2022 Joke: Five Feet and it Reaches the Floor Dennis is worried about the size of his penis, so he goes to see a doctor. The doctor says, “Here take these pills every day for a week.” Dennis is so frustrated that the first night he downs the whole bottle. A couple of days later, he and his wife go back to see the doctor. Dennis says, “Doc, take a look at this.” He takes off his pants and he’s got a five foot penis that reaches the floor. The doctor says, “Goodness I’m going to have to operate.” His wife says, “How long do you think my husband will be in crutches?” The doctor says, “On crutches?” She says, “You are going to lengthen his legs, right?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 29, 2022 Report Share Posted May 29, 2022 Joke: Tickets for the Zoo How many tickets did the dumb college girl buy for the zoo? Two, one to get in and one to get out. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 29, 2022 Report Share Posted May 29, 2022 Joke: Pain In the Ass A guy walks into the doctor's office and says to the doctor, "Why is sex a pain in the ass to me?" The doctor replies, "You're doing it wrong." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 29, 2022 Report Share Posted May 29, 2022 Joke: In Bed With Two Women Two friends were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. One man said fondly, “ I had a dream I was on vacation. It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." “I also had a great dream,” said the other. “I dreamt I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life.” His buddy looked over and exhorted, “You had a dream you had two women, and you didn’t call me?" “Oh, I did,” said the other, “but when I called, your wife said you’d gone fishing.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 30, 2022 Report Share Posted May 30, 2022 Joke: Two Short What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 30, 2022 Report Share Posted May 30, 2022 Joke: Desert Food Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they spotted a tree draped in bacon strips. "We're saved!" shouted one cowboy. But when he ran up to the tree, he was shot multiple times. It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 31, 2022 Report Share Posted May 31, 2022 Joke: Lord Of The Rings Arcade Game How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings arcade game? None... it only takes Tolkiens! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 31, 2022 Report Share Posted May 31, 2022 Joke: Bad Habit Fix Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. "Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 1, 2022 Report Share Posted June 1, 2022 Joke: Aunt Vee's Pudding Billy: Though my Aunt is very dear to me the truth is, no one likes her homemade pudding except you Johnny. Tell me why you always get a double helping and also take the leftovers home? Johnny: I use it to patch the cracks in my driveway; it lasts for years. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 1, 2022 Report Share Posted June 1, 2022 Joke: My Loving Dog Mace There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found. As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun. Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 2, 2022 Report Share Posted June 2, 2022 Joke: My Wife's In Labour A guy calls 911. “Help, send an ambulance! My wife is in labour and her water broke! The 911 operator asks, “Is this her first child?” “No, you moron” yells the guy. “This is her husband!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 2, 2022 Report Share Posted June 2, 2022 Joke: I'd Like To Screw Her Two divorce lawyers were having drinks in a lounge after an exhausting day in the courts. In walks the most spectacular woman either of the lawyers had seen in a long time. One of the lawyer’s says, “Boy! I sure would like to screw her!” To which the other replies, “Out of what?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 3, 2022 Report Share Posted June 3, 2022 Joke: Let's Try 68 A husband comes home and says to his wife, "We've tried 69 before, lets try 68." The wife asks, "What’s that?" He says, "You do me tonight and then I'll owe you one." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 3, 2022 Report Share Posted June 3, 2022 Joke: New pencil The teacher was very impressed with Timmy's answer to her question so she told him to come up to the front of the class, close his eyes and hold out his hands for a surprise. "But first," she said, "You have to guess what it is." "A toy?" "No." "A new pencil?" "No," said the teacher as she held the Hershey's kiss right above his opened hands. "Let me give you a hint. It's something your dad asks you mom for every day before he leaves for work." "Don't touch it, Timmy!" yells little Johnny. "It's a piece of ass!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 4, 2022 Report Share Posted June 4, 2022 Joke: Keep Them Fresh Yo momma so nasty… She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 4, 2022 Report Share Posted June 4, 2022 Joke: Too Wiggly and Limp Grandpa and his 7 year old grandson are gardening when to boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.” “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t,” says Gramps. “It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.” The kid runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board, and proceeds to put it right back into the hole. Grandpa hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, Grandpa comes out and hands the boy another five dollars. “Grandpa, you already paid me,” says the kid. “I know. This is from your Grandma.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 5, 2022 Report Share Posted June 5, 2022 Joke: She Calls Me Ankles My niece calls me Ankles... I call her my Knees. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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