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Joke: Pain In the Ass


A guy walks into the doctor's office and says to the doctor, "Why is sex a pain in the ass to me?"

The doctor replies, "Maybe you're doing it wrong?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I've Tried Everything


A little boy was sitting on the side of a curb and was crying. This old man was passing by, and he stopped and asked the little boy, “My dear boy, why are you crying?”

The little boy looked up at the old man all teary eyed and said, "I've tried everything and I cannot get laid."

The old man looked at the little boy, sat right next to him, and started crying too.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Not Exactly True


A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s the problem?”

She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”

The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”

The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she is the one that suffers, not me.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Number 12

 

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 21," replies the barman.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Get Me Out

 

David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called.

A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!"

"Don't worry," David replied, "maintenance should be sending somebody."

"They did," said the voice.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Proper Table Etiquette

 

Two guys were sitting at the bar. One of them said, “A lady has invited me to brunch tomorrow but I know nothing of proper table etiquette."

“What do you want to know?" asked the other one.

“Well, um… for example what goes better with waffles, red or white wine?”

"Is it too late to cancel?"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Seriously

 

An egg and a chicken sit in a doctor’s waiting room.

A nurse walks out of the office and asks, “Alright, which one of you came first?”

“Seriously!” shouts the chicken. ”Here, too?!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Used To Be Friends

 

Mom: Son, why don’t you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs, and is an alcoholic?

Mom: Of course not.

Son: Well, neither would he.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Bread Winner

 

Wife: Honey, I saved $1 off on a loaf of bread!

Husband: That’s fantastic! How did you do that?

Wife: Well, I bought a 10lbs bag of birdseed.

Husband: But we don’t have any birds.

Wife: Yes I know but the birdseed came with 50 cents off dog food coupon that I used to buy dog food.

Husband (frustratedly): WE DON’T HAVE ANY DOGS EITHER!!!

Wife: I KNOW! But the dog food came with $1 off bread coupon!

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Entertaining Guests

 

After dinner one evening, the President was entertaining their house guest by playing the piano.

At one point he turned to the visitor and said, "I understand you love music?"

"Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But never, your mind, you keep right on playing..."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Famous Quote

 

Teacher: Eleanor said, "Intelligent people talk about ideas. Regular people talk about current events and lower than average people talk about people."

Little Johnny: No matter what history would have us believe, I respect a teacher that tells it like it is. I had no idea Eleanor was a below average person.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Little Johnny: She was talking about people, right?

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Hard Work

One waiter complained to another, “It took me all morning to fill this salt shaker.”

“Why did it take you so long?” asked the other.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to get the salt through those little holes on top?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Speedy Trial

 

A man was contesting his speeding ticket in front of the judge.

Judge: Sir, it says here that you were speeding 20 miles over the speed limit.

Man: Impossible, your Honor. There’s NO WAY I could have been going that fast!

Judge: Really! Why is that?

Man: Well, my wife was away visiting her parents and after a week of partying, I was on my way to pick her up. The house was a mess, I hadn’t done any dishes, the bed wasn’t made in a week and there were pizza boxes all over the house. Now let me ask you, your Honor, do you think I’d be speeding to go pick her up?

Judge: Case dismissed!

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Head On Top of Heels


Roger had set a double date for himself and his friend Troy. Roger said, "Troy, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell you what they’re like."

"Okay," said his buddy.

"Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure. She's short on looks, but she gives an incredible blowjob. Suzie is pretty and has a perfect pair of legs, which she shows off by wearing shoes with very high heels."

"Say no more," interrupted Troy. "I'll go for head over heels anytime!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: When the Wealthy Widows Visits


When her gardener suddenly took ill, the wealthy widow decided to visit him in the hospital. At the visitor’s desk, she announced, “I’ve come to see Mr. Jones in room two-eleven.”

“Are you his wife?” asked the clerk.

“Certainly not! I would never be married to a gardener!" answered the arrogant widow. “I’m his mistress.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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