Cock Goes Soft After / When Putting On Condom & Performance Anxiety (Compiled)

[Guest Donden]

Not advise to go now cause my friend kena scratch at the back 3 lines and quite very clear when take out shirt, my friend go sauna just to sleep for awhile and woke up go back then notice why got scar...

Scary....

[alien]

I was also diagnosed with this anxiety disorder 2 years back, I was always thinking that I will get cancer, I'll be losing my job and let go (technically it was recession) and I can't sleep.

Until my boss noticed my constant tardiness and poor performance at work, we had a one-to-one talk and told him everything I'm feeling and those 3 things that worries me slot. After that, HR butted in and offerred me help and counselling.

They asked me to have a counselling session at IMH . The doctor prescribed me alprozolam and he told me that I would only drink this once at night if I can't sleep and when I have this anxiety attacks.

Now I'm off the drug and tried it only for 3 months. My career is getting better and I have nothing to worry now, my boss is super friendly and assures me that all is fine. I now love working in this German company and even if I have to travel a lot coz of my job, I don't feel stressed anymore. Worrying is actually wasting time.

Good for u.

I am wondering how come anxiety always happen at night. Sometimes i also feel anxiety only at night esp when i cannot sleep.

[Guest k]

Good for u.

I am wondering how come anxiety always happen at night. Sometimes i also feel anxiety only at night esp when i cannot sleep.

Guess most probably is due to quietness at nite, and time when the rest are sleeping and u alone.

[alien]

Guess most probably is due to quietness at nite, and time when the rest are sleeping and u alone.

Am thinking how to survive when grow old?! Now still consider young, and everything in the body still functioning already feel anxiety. when reached old when eye sight got blur or cannot walk properly, i think anxiety even worse!

[Blacque]

For me... my anxiety sets in in the morning. Hate morning rush hours!! =(

[Guest Guest]

actually all of us have anxiety disorder, listen to all those "funny", "irritating" noises in the background, damn if u r not happy with ur life, keep it to urself la, dun spread the unhappiness coz already got too much shit in this world .

[briax]

actually all of us have anxiety disorder, listen to all those "funny", "irritating" noises in the background, damn if u r not happy with ur life, keep it to urself la, dun spread the unhappiness coz already got too much shit in this world .

er... actually I have corrected you here. We all have moments that we are anxious. But being anxious is not having anxiety disorder. They are two different things. A certain level of stress move a person to perform higher than his usual performance. Anxiety disorder overwhelms a person and stop him from performing normally. Put it simply, it is like having butterfly in your stomach but still can do your exam versus you actually break down during exam. I think it is all right for people to share or ventilate in their own ways... and you can choose not to be irritated by these ventilation.

[Guest Guest]

er... actually I have corrected you here. We all have moments that we are anxious. But being anxious is not having anxiety disorder. They are two different things. A certain level of stress move a person to perform higher than his usual performance. Anxiety disorder overwhelms a person and stop him from performing normally. Put it simply, it is like having butterfly in your stomach but still can do your exam versus you actually break down during exam. I think it is all right for people to share or ventilate in their own ways... and you can choose not to be irritated by these ventilation.

u seem to b a nice guy, i can't stand disgusting, annoying people, thanx for the info...

[G_lucifer]

Hi, I have a troubling issue with my penis.

Whenever I try to have anal sex as a top and my partner is a btm.

We had the usual stuffs like foreplay and such and mine was hard.

But as I am about to penetrate, my penis went to 'sleeping' mode.

I tried to make it hard again and tried penetrating, and once again it goes soft.

Does it happen to you guys?

Does it mean that I'm a btm?

The whole initial process is always fine n I'm hard but when it comes to anal, it just gets soft...

Do I suffer from some illness?

do you guys have any suggestions that can help me?

[Guest guest]

might be nervous/anxiety? do u feel pressurised when u're being the top?

[GachiMuchi]

Hi, I have a troubling issue with my penis.

Whenever I try to have anal sex as a top and my partner is a btm.

We had the usual stuffs like foreplay and such and mine was hard.

But as I am about to penetrate, my penis went to 'sleeping' mode.

I tried to make it hard again and tried penetrating, and once again it goes soft.

Does it happen to you guys?

Does it mean that I'm a btm?

The whole initial process is always fine n I'm hard but when it comes to anal, it just gets soft...

Do I suffer from some illness?

do you guys have any suggestions that can help me?

That's what we top called - Performance Anxiety. It happens even to the best of the tops.

Something must have had happened in the past when you tried to enter someone and you failed, it could also be you were trying to impress a bottom you like, etc. Now, your guilt gets the better of you and you start to be conscious of your actions and you get anxious especially when you are about to enter a hole.

The only solution I can give you is not to think about the "Performance". The key point here is to "let go" and just "enjoy" and don't worry too much about performing.

It is also important that your bottom are patience with you. It helps when he can give encouraging words asking you to relax, and helping you with blowing you or stimulating you when you fail to rise to the occasion. It could also be that you are not very turn on by your bottom.

Well, if all else fail. You have 2 options :

1. Seek the blue pill

2. Be a bottom.

[lovehandle]

the btm not attractive enough, the btm can help to lead??or btm too tight? u felt too pain?

U dont like using condoms?

does this happened all the time? how many times in all

[Guest guest]

It is also important that your bottom are patience with you. It helps when he can give encouraging words asking you to relax, and helping you with blowing you or stimulating you when you fail to rise to the occasion. It could also be that you are not very turn on by your bottom.

yes.. the key is to relax.. try to be comfortable doing it, no point if u are rushing and not enjoying the process. maybe u can think of what turns u on while trying to enter him. let it flow, don't rush it or keep thinking that u can't do it..

[G_lucifer]

That's what we top called - Performance Anxiety. It happens even to the best of the tops.

Something must have had happened in the past when you tried to enter someone and you failed, it could also be you were trying to impress a bottom you like, etc. Now, your guilt gets the better of you and you start to be conscious of your actions and you get anxious especially when you are about to enter a hole.

The only solution I can give you is not to think about the "Performance". The key point here is to "let go" and just "enjoy" and don't worry too much about performing.

It is also important that your bottom are patience with you. It helps when he can give encouraging words asking you to relax, and helping you with blowing you or stimulating you when you fail to rise to the occasion. It could also be that you are not very turn on by your bottom.

Well, if all else fail. You have 2 options :

1. Seek the blue pill

2. Be a bottom.

Thanks alot! GachiMuchi...

I had never managed to successfully top a person

Hmmm i had this Anxiety feeling when i always am about to penetrate him...

but if i just use my penis to rub on the outside, it feels fine...

my btm is kinda quiet haha and he dont do blow jobs...

but he did try to help me by jerking it...

I had thought about the blue pill... but i'm only 30. am afraid i will rely on it too much...

[G_lucifer]

the btm not attractive enough, the btm can help to lead??or btm too tight? u felt too pain?

U dont like using condoms?

does this happened all the time? how many times in all

Hi lovehandle,

hmmm btm is my type and cute, i'll get a hard on being with him...

i tried using both with and without condoms but all fails...

it always happens when i am about to go in or after i put on the condom.

It happens all the time. and I thought i might be having ED...

[GachiMuchi]

Hi lovehandle,

hmmm btm is my type and cute, i'll get a hard on being with him...

i tried using both with and without condoms but all fails...

it always happens when i am about to go in or after i put on the condom.

It happens all the time. and I thought i might be having ED...

For anxious top, I also tell them to ask the bottom to help them put on the condom. This way, the bottoms knows that the condom is going to be on and it can help the top cut down on his anxiety.

Usually the seasoned bottom will know what to do.

[lovehandle]

agreed!

For anxious top, I also tell them to ask the bottom to help them put on the condom. This way, the bottoms knows that the condom is going to be on and it can help the top cut down on his anxiety.

Usually the seasoned bottom will know what to do.

[G_lucifer]

Thanks guys for the wonderful insights!

I shall try it out and hope i can overcome my anxiety!

[Guest Ironrod]

Hi lovehandle, hmmm btm is my type and cute, i'll get a hard on being with him... i tried using both with and without condoms but all fails... it always happens when i am about to go in or after i put on the condom. It happens all the time. and I thought i might be having ED...

At first, I thought your's a condom problem [because I have the same problem] but after u say with and without condom also got problem that is a real problem.

There is only 2 choice now

1) Play with your cute btm ass till it's loosen a bit for your easy access [like put a dildo or plug b4 your dick goes in]

2) Use your "imagination" just like when u JO

3) As for Gachi's suggestion of asking your btm to put on condom for u. Usually works better if your btm willing to suck u a bit with condom on to keep u hard......and don't JO for a few days make yourself damn horny.

Take care dude

[applepie]

Hi lovehandle, hmmm btm is my type and cute, i'll get a hard on being with him... i tried using both with and without condoms but all fails... it always happens when i am about to go in or after i put on the condom. It happens all the time. and I thought i might be having ED...

Maybe you were right, you might be having ED.

Doesn't mean you are in your 30s you will not get ED.

There are different degree of ED but generally having ED would means one of the following :

Unable to have an erection

Unable to have erection hard enough for sexual penetration

Unable to maintain erection during or to complete the sexual intercourse.

If any of this keep happening, then most likely having ED and not just performance anxiety

[Guest newg]

Last night, I had a mutual JO session with the guy I've been dating. We started off with kissing for like 10 mins. The whole tongue kissing thing, I didn't find it special at all. Frankly, I find the whole experience insipid. Of course, I did reciprocate but not out of enjoyment, but just out of courtesy. Then I took him to bed and we started JO each other and hoping that this would be more interesting. On contrary, it just didn't do anything for me despite his efforts - kissing, licking and stroking. Sure I was having a hardon, but that just because he was stroking me. But, that was just it. I couldn't even finish, and had to do it myself later on when he went back.

So that got me thinking why did that happen. Was it because it was my first session with a guy?Or Was it because my attraction for guys isn't strong enough? But that shouldn't be the case because whenever I watch gay pxxn, I could arouse easily without stroking. Strangely, I was soft when my guy was standing naked in front of me. Now, I'm kind of frustrated and feeling confuse about my own sexuality. I don't find woman sexually attractive at all, and yet I wasn't even mentally arouse with the guy I like. I'd appreciate you inputs and thoughts on this.

[Guest Guest]

it's your first session with a guy?

maybe you need to find a more sexually attractive guy. :whistle:

[Guest lawl]

My first sexual experience with a guy resembled yours somewhat. I think i was just not that into him haha..... But anyway you can attribute it partly to performance anxiety, confidence (in initiating sexual contact, insecurities about whether u're doing an ok job), or the other party's attractiveness/sexual experience/confidence (i.e. whether he titillates you fundamentally....)

Control is a key thing also, someone needs to know what they are doing. If ur partner is relatively inexperienced, as are you, the sex can be halting and rather unenjoyable. i.e. both of u fumbling around, jo-ing each other, clumsily kissing, not setting off the erogenous zones, etc. Someone in control is terribly arousing.

Or maybe becos u just don't like him enough? No passion, no spark.

Anyway since its your first, and his also (an assumption here), just explore, go all out, commit more! Don't do things out of courtesy, but more out of the desire to please him, and maybe he'll try pleasing you in return. SEX IS FUN, so try to find the FUN in it....

[Guest newg]

My first sexual experience with a guy resembled yours somewhat. I think i was just not that into him haha..... But anyway you can attribute it partly to performance anxiety, confidence (in initiating sexual contact, insecurities about whether u're doing an ok job), or the other party's attractiveness/sexual experience/confidence (i.e. whether he titillates you fundamentally....)

Control is a key thing also, someone needs to know what they are doing. If ur partner is relatively inexperienced, as are you, the sex can be halting and rather unenjoyable. i.e. both of u fumbling around, jo-ing each other, clumsily kissing, not setting off the erogenous zones, etc. Someone in control is terribly arousing.

Or maybe becos u just don't like him enough? No passion, no spark.

Anyway since its your first, and his also (an assumption here), just explore, go all out, commit more! Don't do things out of courtesy, but more out of the desire to please him, and maybe he'll try pleasing you in return. SEX IS FUN, so try to find the FUN in it....

First off, thanks for your input. If anyone is fumbling, it'd be me, because he is experienced and I'm not. And I find him rather cute. That's why I dated him in the first place. That said, strangely enough, however, there was no sexual element in my mind during the whole session;I don't know how to put this but I felt like something is missing. I was staring in his eyes, and I thought to myself "wow he is really cute", and that was just it; no sexual feeling in intimate session. How ironic is that?

Ya, maybe, like you guys said, I don't like him enough. Regardless, I'll try using different techniques and see if that's actually the case. Whatever the outcome may be, like the old saying goes I'll cross the bridge when I come to it.

[GachiMuchi]

Well, it happened to me before too. There was this guy I met in KB. He was hunky, and buff and totally my type. We got into a room and we stripped off our towels, kissed, I was licking him all over and he was moaning and I was hard and wanted him. He was faced down and I was on his back. The moment I tried to put on the condom, my dick went soft. Then I asked him to suck me, which he did. This time round he was facing me, I managed to put on the condom and I lubed him up with more lube but the moment I tried to push my dick into his awaiting ass, I went soft again. I told myself to calm down and relax and not to get anxious. But no matter what I do, I just couldn't get it up. So as not to keep him waiting too long, I helped him jo and made him cum instead. I apologied and told him that I was not in form as I had cummed earlier (I lied) and we ended the session there.

Well, I washed up and decided to try my luck on someone else. This time, I got another guy which wasn't as good in looks and size from the earlier one but still within the type I like, and we went into the room. It wasn't long after the initial kissing and foreplay and I was happily fxxking him. There was no performance anxiety at all.

The fact that the 2nd guy was the type I like but not someone I go gaga about (1st guy) maybe had something to do with it. We get anxious with people we really like and in our minds we want to impress them and want them to like us, etc. So it gave us some form of pressure and we get anxious. On the other hand, there are those we like, but we are not sexually attracted to them. Then there are those we are attracted but there was no chemistry. We are disconnected with them and thus our body reacts to that and tells us that 'it's not working'.

So your mind and your body sends you different signals to let you know who is the one you should be with. So don't worry, you are very normal.

[Mercutio]

My first sexual experience with a guy resembled yours somewhat. I think i was just not that into him haha.....

-newg-:

Yeah, I would suspect you're just not that into him either. We can probably rule out performance anxiety, if at the time you already found it insipid.

My thought, and please do correct me if I'm wrong 'cause I'm just doing my Tourette's syndrome thing, is that you find him 'presentable' (i.e. looks good on your arm at social events, and probably close enough in appearance of age etc. that Joe Public and Aunt Rosie can say to themselves 'oh what good friends these two are' as you stroll side by side). But he's not really the type that creams your shorts. Have a flip through your "Most Frequently Viewed" list of pxxn, have a quick wank while you're at it (why waste the opportunity) and make some mental notes. Which pxxn scenes attract you the most? And is it because of the guy (or guys) involved, the scene, the act, the aspect ratio etc.?

I'm not saying you should hold out for someone who looks like your ideal pxxn star, 'cause that way madness lies, but running the check might provide some answers. By the way, I've had a discussion once with a group of friends, both straight men and gay (yes, yes, very Oprah), and the unanimous agreement was that one can find a person very handsome/beautiful/stunning but not sexy. At least some straight men, all those of my friends anyway, find a lot of top (female) fashion models beautiful but don't particularly want to bed them.

An alternative possibility, which seems to me you may have alluded to in your most recent post, is that you were actually wanting and expecting to do more.

Best of luck at any rate. I'm dying to know what you find the answer to be, by the way.

Edited September 19, 2011 by Mercutio

[Guest lawl]

LOL Mercutio, the way u put it. Sounds like his bf is some trophy husband that can't get his libido going. And i dun think he's rly looking for a fxxk buddy or ONS so bodily features won't matter too much? Loving ur bf would translate to some degree of want for him? Or at least want for some intimacy? And that's where he needs help in haha

@newg Anyway given that its ur first sexual experience, its perfectly alright. I'm sure u and ur bf will work out that sexual dynamic in time to come. Just give it a few more go's in a relaxed environment, no pressure to please one another, just explore his body, kiss and nibble him in places unexpected. Foreplay is gooood (:

And here's a read just for fun. The first 4 paragraphs may apply to you haha

http://thoughtcatalo...e-sex-with-you/

[Guest HTP]

I am seening a psychiatrist. You can choose one from IMH, the other public hospitals or even those in private practice.

He diagnosed it as General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). He said that it could be hereditary too. I am currently on Lexopro 10mg nitely.

Very glad that I went to see the psychiatrist.

[Guest I told them.]

A while ago, I just confessed it to my parents. My father told me he has similar problems, so I guessed I inherited his Axiety disorder gene. Mom asked me to see doctor to get the medication. Brother over heard our conversation and told me to seek medication. But I am too afraid to rely on medication because anything for the heart is no good for the long term. I guess I will have to go jogging and swimming often, and take up hobby with 100% focus, may look for job that is not stressful, lower pay and live a remaining stressless for the sake of my remaining well beings. Father seemed to understand my problems matter, mother said I need to change, brother said it was my own inflicted problems. Three different opinions, but I stand by my father who knows best.

Now, where to find doctor and what to tell him, What medication will he give me? and how will I feel after the medication. Dreamy, calm?

[Blacque]

Yeah apparently GAD is a inheritable condition. My mum has it too. Currently on amitriptyline HCl 25mg. Really strong medicine...

[lct]

Amytriptyline at that dose is quite low.

[Guest Puzzled]

My cock was hard and ready to fxxk a guy. But to my surprise, when i wore the condom, it started to go soft and no matter how i stroke, the cock is still soft which does not allow me to penetrate into the guys' arse hole.

Can anyone advise me or tell me what problem causes it ?

[lean n mean]

you've got yourself a bad case of ass allergy.

[Guest Guest]

N bad case of grammar in ur writing too.

[Guest tan hock gin]

Same here....I read that the reason is not getting use to using a condom. I usually do it raw but due to safety and health reason I'm trying to be clean for both parties. It takes awhile and you will get use to it.

[Guest Guest]

Performance anxiety? Or btm not hot enough? Get a btm u like more or maybe u more suited to be btm?

Another way is to practise jerking off with a condom on.

[lausanne]

it is performance anxiety. It helps when you receive continual stimulation from your partner so that you stay rock hard, and it is important to relax!

[lovehandle]

I hve the same problem tooo....i cant "stand/rise" too long...

many said it s "anxiety" but sometimes no problem

U r not very old right?

My cock was hard and ready to fxxk a guy. But to my surprise, when i wore the condom, it started to go soft and no matter how i stroke, the cock is still soft which does not allow me to penetrate into the guys' arse hole.

Can anyone advise me or tell me what problem causes it ?

[Guest sameIssue]

i have the similar issue during my initial relationship... after few months of practice, it gets better. now... its my boy issue where im asking too much~! ;p

[lovehandle]

Your "boy" (your penis or ...?)?? when u r asking too much?

i have the similar issue during my initial relationship... after few months of practice, it gets better. now... its my boy issue where im asking too much~! ;p

[lonely57]

happens to me too. embarrassing.. lol

[tic-toc]

1) Check if the condom is too small/ tight for you. If your brother is uncomfortable and feels too tight, he cannot perform.

2) Were you struggling to tear open the condom wrapper? The frustration could take over your "heat" and hence u lose your erection.

[fab]

Same here....I read that the reason is not getting use to using a condom. I usually do it raw but due to safety and health reason I'm trying to be clean for both parties. It takes awhile and you will get use to it.

This is a very common reason.

[lovehandle]

1) Check if the condom is too small/ tight for you. If your brother is uncomfortable and feels too tight, he cannot perform.

2) Were you struggling to tear open the condom wrapper? The frustration could take over your "heat" and hence u lose your erection.

tic toc:

true true and busy w the lubing, sometimes i hope the btm can do all these instead....

[Guest Guest]

My cock was hard and ready to fxxk a guy. But to my surprise, when i wore the condom, it started to go soft and no matter how i stroke, the cock is still soft which does not allow me to penetrate into the guys' arse hole.

Can anyone advise me or tell me what problem causes it ?

R u a top? Maybe u r not. Or fxxking wif condom turns u off. U like fxxking raw?

[wowchub]

get your bottom to put on your condom FOR you, this always works for me, i have no idea why. found this tip on google and worked for me ever since. haha. bottoms, tip for you too if you want your top hard and good.

[oralb]

many reasons

- you could have latex allergy, only the doc can tell you.

- mental block, thinking that condom is no fun

- performance anxiety, assuming you do raw (not that I am advocating) are you able to perform?

suggestion

- jerk off with condom, let your brother and mind get used to wear one

- be contented with oral or hand job, its too much a risk to do raw

[Guest gue2t]

to get it hard, try pulling back the foreskin n stimulate the dickhead or the frenulum...

[ah ling]

Dear All

Try to relax yourself and don't stress yourself too much...

Is better to see a doctor and had the issue being treat early.....

have a happy and relax new year 2013 ahead

[Guest Depressed]

When my manhood was rock-hard and was about to fuck a guy but when I put on my condom, my manhood suddenly gets soft and I was not able to fuck the guy..

 

We tried to have some kissing, and fondling to make my manhood rock-hard again but when manhood was near to his man-hole, my manhood starts to get soft again..

 

Can someone help me to overcome this please