Relationship without sex + I Don't Have Sex With My Bf For Many Months, How to Improve? (compiled)

[Guest Duh]

U must be very pathetic if sex is the main driver of yr relationship. Very shallow!!

[yoyo74]

On 6/29/2017 at 9:23 AM, Guest Foryou said:

Hi yoyo74

So in your relationship, does your bf have sex with other guys? If no, will you allow him to have sex with other guys since he is not getting from you?

Actually the post is 3 years ago. I move our relationship back a step to friend due to some reasons not related to sex. To answer your question, I am a very easy going person and i dont mind my bf having sex or play with any other people. He also told me before he is not really into anal sex. Actually i had ask many people in our community and there is quite a sizeable amount of people who dislike anal sex as well.

[averageguy]

Our r/s: we have been staying together for the past 10 years... we haven't had sex for the past 3 years or so, bcos he can't turn me on sexually at all and I've been masterbating to porn... Few days ago, I saw his message with his friend that he missed sucking and kissing him! OMG he has been seeing someone behind my back! Should I dump him? 

[kinkythrillz]

On 15/06/2014 at 0:31 AM, SeannyShortcake said:

Depends on how well your relationship is progressing/how much you value sex over the person and vice versa.

 

We can't offer you the answer.

 

For my experiences, to a certain extend, once the sex n intimacy stops, the relationship does get drifted apart, and the tendancy to cheat is there...

But i always face this challenge. The longer the r/s i have, the harder to upkeep the sex... The sex does drop over time. Which i don't know what is the cause too. Prob when we get unhappy w each other, i tend to remember, and it kills off the sexual desire bit by bit

[averageguy]

12 hours ago, averageguy said:

Our r/s: we have been staying together for the past 10 years... we haven't had sex for the past 3 years or so, bcos he can't turn me on sexually at all and I've been masterbating to porn... Few days ago, I saw his message with his friend that he missed sucking and kissing him! OMG he has been seeing someone behind my back! Should I dump him? 

I've not been sleeping well since I know about his conversation... should I let him know that I'm already aware of his action?  

[cutejack]

2 hours ago, averageguy said:

I've not been sleeping well since I know about his conversation... should I let him know that I'm already aware of his action?  

U r not turn on by him.so,its yr fault.good enough he didnt say anything n seeing someone outside quietly

No?

[Guest Nice3+]

Same here. I’m thinking of breaking up with him tomorrow.

[Guest Sadd]

7 hours ago, Guest Nice3+ said:

Same here. I’m thinking of breaking up with him tomorrow.

 

No sex = breakup? 

 

I'm the "bottom" in the relationship. But I hated having sex. It's so painful. I do it only a few times a year. But that's just because he likes it.

 

I try to avoid if possible. And now it had been months since we had sex. 

 

Does it give my bf an excuse to breakup with me? Hope not!

[Fit4Masc]

Ultimately, It depends on what kind of relationship you are after.  If a sexual relationship, that simply means you need to move on and find sexual relationship elsewhere.  If its a plutonic and non sexual relationship you are after, than you are still in it.  

[Guest Break]

9 hours ago, Guest Nice3+ said:

Same here. I’m thinking of breaking up with him tomorrow.

Same here. I’m thinking of breaking up with him in 5 minutes time.

[Guest John]

On 6/14/2014 at 11:54 PM, Guest guest said:

stay together but long time no sex is it normal?Or is it time for a divorce?

Why dont you tell us , since it is your re/ship and afterall , there is NO right or wrong 

 

Asking a question that ends of the day you are your own judge .... 

[Guest HappyTogether]

My bf and I have been together for more than 14 years. We have never had anal sex before. And we have not had any sex for many years already. But we enjoy intimacy in a different way - touching, hugging and cuddling. That is enough for us. 

So it all depends on the couple. To each its own. There is no fixed rule on how you should run your relationship. It boils down ultimately to your respective personalities, compatibility, love and common ground.

Sex can be important to some, but not everyone. Love can be a powerful glue to keep a couple bonded. If sex is a necessary ingredient for EVERY couple to remain together, then you would never be see any elderly couples (straight or gay) walking holding hands in their ripe old age. But you still see them. What makes them stay together? You decide. 

So don’t measure yourself by other couple’s yardstick. Ask yourself if you are happy, what makes you happy, and decide for yourself. 

[auri]

57 minutes ago, Guest HappyTogether said:

My bf and I have been together for more than 14 years. We have never had anal sex before. And we have not had any sex for many years already. But we enjoy intimacy in a different way - touching, hugging and cuddling. That is enough for us. 

So it all depends on the couple. To each its own. There is no fixed rule on how you should run your relationship. It boils down ultimately to your respective personalities, compatibility, love and common ground.

Sex can be important to some, but not everyone. Love can be a powerful glue to keep a couple bonded. If sex is a necessary ingredient for EVERY couple to remain together, then you would never be see any elderly couples (straight or gay) walking holding hands in their ripe old age. But you still see them. What makes them stay together? You decide. 

So don’t measure yourself by other couple’s yardstick. Ask yourself if you are happy, what makes you happy, and decide for yourself. 

 

well said！

[samdiggin]

no sex but hell lot of foreplay...would that suffice? 

[Guest Blank]

7 hours ago, Guest HappyTogether said:

My bf and I have been together for more than 14 years. We have never had anal sex before. And we have not had any sex for many years already. But we enjoy intimacy in a different way - touching, hugging and cuddling. That is enough for us. 

So it all depends on the couple. To each its own. There is no fixed rule on how you should run your relationship. It boils down ultimately to your respective personalities, compatibility, love and common ground.

Sex can be important to some, but not everyone. Love can be a powerful glue to keep a couple bonded. If sex is a necessary ingredient for EVERY couple to remain together, then you would never be see any elderly couples (straight or gay) walking holding hands in their ripe old age. But you still see them. What makes them stay together? You decide. 

So don’t measure yourself by other couple’s yardstick. Ask yourself if you are happy, what makes you happy, and decide for yourself. 

Not even bj or wanks? Touching, hugging, cuddling only? I thought mine is bad enough lol

[Steve5380]

On 7/6/2017 at 12:42 PM, averageguy said:

Our r/s: we have been staying together for the past 10 years... we haven't had sex for the past 3 years or so, bcos he can't turn me on sexually at all and I've been masterbating to porn... Few days ago, I saw his message with his friend that he missed sucking and kissing him! OMG he has been seeing someone behind my back! Should I dump him? 

 

Don't dump him because of THAT!   If you really love him, feel happy that he enjoys some sex you don't feel like giving him.  

Even better,  talk to him and suggest to have a more open relationship since you are tired of masturbating while not feeling like having sex with him.  Maybe... maybe he will wholeheartedly agree and feel happy if you find satisfying sex,  maybe revealing that he has sought this too but... but was afraid to hurt your feelings by telling you.

 

A relationship where there is mutual love and healthy moderate openness is a blessing from heaven !!

 My bf of 20 years recently passed away, and he was not interested in sex due to his illness.  He was pleased that I enjoyed myself in my rare escapades as sex tourist,  and we both loved and cared for each other more than anyone else on earth.

[Guest hahaha]

but it is true you will lose the interest in sex after a while, when i was with my ex when i lose the interest in sex, i would prefer watching porn and masterbate in the toilet than asking him to have sex.

[Yas1950]

20 hours ago, Guest HappyTogether said:

My bf and I have been together for more than 14 years. We have never had anal sex before. And we have not had any sex for many years already. But we enjoy intimacy in a different way - touching, hugging and cuddling. That is enough for us. 

So it all depends on the couple. To each its own. There is no fixed rule on how you should run your relationship. It boils down ultimately to your respective personalities, compatibility, love and common ground.

Sex can be important to some, but not everyone. Love can be a powerful glue to keep a couple bonded. If sex is a necessary ingredient for EVERY couple to remain together, then you would never be see any elderly couples (straight or gay) walking holding hands in their ripe old age. But you still see them. What makes them stay together? You decide. 

So don’t measure yourself by other couple’s yardstick. Ask yourself if you are happy, what makes you happy, and decide for yourself. 

Thank you. You are very matured. Great outlook on a lasting relationship. You have my respect.
My present "boyfriend" (we are both married) and I have known each other for many years. We don't get together too often, only when our spouses
are away and when we do we just give each other massages then cuddle afterwards. HE or sex is very very remote. Cumming is not important in
our relationship. If it happens its a "bonus". If we have the opportunity, we go away together. for a romantic weekend nearby.
Importantly we understand and respect each others' situation; accept it and remain good friends and lovers.
We are happy together and sometimes chat on WhatsApp whenever we cannot meet.
Importantly we still love  each other despite all the limitations.

A great relationship like what we have is full of love and understanding.

[Traveler3032]

No sex, no relationship! Otherwise, you have to cheat on your bf, or cheat yourself from your natural craving for sex and intimacy. 

[Guest Just DIY]

Sex desire will eventually dies out no matter who you partner with.Immaging you have a Sssssuper delicious meal but same for Everyday,you will lose the appetite one day after a few years.

 

If you cares sex a lot in relationship,you will attach to no one eventually since no same people in the world give you forever sex desire.

 

Better look at the next level of relationship like travelling together ,raising a child together.

 

 

[tterrynick]

My partner and I live together. We haven't had sex for more than 10 years...

But we know we would give up the world for each other if we have to.

Sex is not the be-it-and-end-all... true love is.

[lovehandle]

1 hour ago, tterrynick said:

My partner and I live together. We haven't had sex for more than 10 years...

But we know we would give up the world for each other if we have to.

Sex is not the be-it-and-end-all... true love is.

wow!

[cycle25]

Personally I think it really depends on what is considered important. If sex is important to one party but the other is unwilling to engage in it then you'd need to re-evaluate your relationship. Not in the sense that you need to break up but to try see if there are compromises that can be made. I believe you get into a relationship for more than just the mere act of sex, but because you have developed feelings and care for the other. While maybe not common, perhaps the unwilling partner may be willing for you to fulfill your needs elsewhere. Nonetheless, these things require the basis for a relationship to work - communication - to be practiced by both parties. So I wouldn't say no sex means you break up with your partner. Everyone has different needs after all.

[tterrynick]

3 hours ago, -Ignored- said:

wow!

Hahaha...

Our mutual joke is "aiyah... don't want to dirty the bedsheets lah"...

But seriously, that's not important any more, we've been together 25 years.

He's got my back, I've got his... we don't need to do the 'backside' bit...

[lovehandle]

45 minutes ago, tterrynick said:

Hahaha...

Our mutual joke is "aiyah... don't want to dirty the bedsheets lah"...

But seriously, that's not important any more, we've been together 25 years.

He's got my back, I've got his... we don't need to do the 'backside' bit...

But i thk it s nt abt bkside but the frontal too

many cant resist a dick!

and

will it really dirty the bed??

 

Are u very aged???

[auri]

1 hour ago, tterrynick said:

Hahaha...

Our mutual joke is "aiyah... don't want to dirty the bedsheets lah"...

But seriously, that's not important any more, we've been together 25 years.

He's got my back, I've got his... we don't need to do the 'backside' bit...

 

Just curious, do either of you have sex with other people?

[Steve5380]

6 hours ago, Yas1950 said:

My present "boyfriend" (we are both married) and I have known each other for many years. We don't get together too often, only when our spouses
are away and when we do we just give each other massages then cuddle afterwards. 

----
We are happy together and sometimes chat on WhatsApp whenever we cannot meet.
Importantly we still love  each other despite all the limitations.

A great relationship like what we have is full of love and understanding.

 

What you two feel for your respective spouses?

[tterrynick]

17 hours ago, auri said:

 

Just curious, do either of you have sex with other people?

 

17 hours ago, Lumbakuda said:

Just curious...dont u think that dont want sex means he is seeing or doing it with someone else? No?

To answer your questions... Yes, we have our fun sometimes elsewhere, sauna, massage, whatever. But it is never overnight and we don't bring people home. In fact he was the one who opened my eyes to the world of gay saunas - he brought me to the famous Babylon of Bangkok and literally threw me in the deep end... "Go enjoy", he said.

 

Sex is an action, a moment's pleasure... spiritual, mental, intellectual connections are more important.

 

17 hours ago, -Ignored- said:

But i thk it s nt abt bkside but the frontal too

many cant resist a dick!

and

will it really dirty the bed??

 

Are u very aged???

 

Oh... I do love a dick... who doesn't? Hahaha...

"Dirty the bed" is just a joke...

We are 'aged', I'm 48, he is 65... together for a quarter century already.

[Guest Bernie]

I can’t believe having in a gay relationship without sex especially anal sex. Having a platonic relationship with some is like living with your parents.

[Guest Glyph]

i feel it's healthy to have some sexual tension in a relationship? it sort of helps keep things interesting. the issue is when there's a significant difference in libido which i believe communication, compromise and, if need be, tolerance should help.

 

it's inevitable that we eventually hit the comfort zone where it's more about companionship than hot smexy love, though for some it's also when things become dull. i suppose the latter explains why some monogamous relationships that span over years eventually become open ones.

[A350-900ULR]

4 hours ago, Guest Bernie said:

I can’t believe having in a gay relationship without sex especially anal sex. Having a platonic relationship with some is like living with your parents.

 

No sex in a relationship doesn’t mean no intimacy. You hug, kiss, caress, cuddle, and most importantly, love. All these carry emotions. These emotions are powerful forces in sustaining long-term r’ships. That is why many senior couples can be together till old age. The younger ones may not realize it, but the biological reality is that as you age, your hormonal levels change, and sexual urges gradually fade; in its place is a corresponding increase in many of us for intimacy and companionship. Those who volunteer among the elderly will tell you that for many of them, all they want is for someone to talk to them and listen to them, that’s all, and you would have made their day. Such is their needs. It’s all a matter of perspective.

[auri]

21 hours ago, tterrynick said:

 

To answer your questions... Yes, we have our fun sometimes elsewhere, sauna, massage, whatever. But it is never overnight and we don't bring people home. In fact he was the one who opened my eyes to the world of gay saunas - he brought me to the famous Babylon of Bangkok and literally threw me in the deep end... "Go enjoy", he said.

 

Sex is an action, a moment's pleasure... spiritual, mental, intellectual connections are more important.

 

 

 

Great! Somewhat similar to my situation.

 

[hellopanda]

i’m going through the same thing, tried to talk to him and of course it doesnt work.....

[Guest Just sex.]

Common on guys!

Couple made used of each other for eg..sex, love, companionship, loneliness, stress relieve, etc. I knew of a bi who regularly hv had sex with a bf ..but return home to his wfe nightly. Apply this to a g couple.

Go tbe distance till new one come along.

[Guest guest]

any relationship built on sex alone is neither sustainable nor healthy.  period.

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 8/15/2018 at 5:47 AM, auri said:

 

Just curious, do either of you have sex with other people?

 

On 8/15/2018 at 11:08 PM, tterrynick said:

 

To answer your questions... Yes, we have our fun sometimes elsewhere, sauna, massage, whatever. But it is never overnight and we don't bring people home. In fact he was the one who opened my eyes to the world of gay saunas - he brought me to the famous Babylon of Bangkok and literally threw me in the deep end... "Go enjoy", he said.

---

We are 'aged', I'm 48, he is 65... together for a quarter century already.

 

On 8/16/2018 at 8:39 PM, auri said:

 

Great! Somewhat similar to my situation.

 

 

And my situation too.   My bf introduced me to gay saunas,  not to "throw me in the deep" but to jointly do it with other people.

He is 65, you are 48.... AGED ??   hahaha

[Guest Guest]

I never had sex with my bf for years... we still together.

[hellopanda]

I need a solution too, i’m sleeping next to a corpse who don’t move at all!! 

[Guest Personal]

On 8/15/2018 at 8:22 PM, -Ignored- said:

But i thk it s nt abt bkside but the frontal too

many cant resist a dick!

and

will it really dirty the bed??

 

Are u very aged???

You ask too many personal questions - back off! Ok? 

[Yas1950]

On 8/16/2018 at 5:39 PM, A350-900ULR said:

 

No sex in a relationship doesn’t mean no intimacy. You hug, kiss, caress, cuddle, and most importantly, love. All these carry emotions. These emotions are powerful forces in sustaining long-term r’ships. That is why many senior couples can be together till old age. The younger ones may not realize it, but the biological reality is that as you age, your hormonal levels change, and sexual urges gradually fade; in its place is a corresponding increase in many of us for intimacy and companionship. Those who volunteer among the elderly will tell you that for many of them, all they want is for someone to talk to them and listen to them, that’s all, and you would have made their day. Such is their needs. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Very matured outlook. I am in a similar situation where sex of any kind is the least of our priorities.
What's important is the companionship, the mutual respect and love for each other.
 

[Pause]

Does this happen to any of you? You really love the guy but lost the sexual attraction or due to different role. It becomes a bit awkward to have sex now. Both still young though. 

[aelwaien]

Time to sit down and talk

[Guest guest]

the solution is to have sex outside of the realtionship,

 

getting attached too young leads to this condition, 

 

even happily matched couples also have this problem

 

evenly matched also have this problem one.

 

So you are not alone..

 

how to manage it, is both have a open and frank discussion

[Steve5380]

43 minutes ago, Pause said:

Does this happen to any of you? You really love the guy but lost the sexual attraction or due to different role. It becomes a bit awkward to have sex now. Both still young though. 

 

It depends on how much you love each other. 

It is desirable that the two of you have good sex.

But it does not have to be with each other, or exclusively with each other.

You should jointly discuss the possibility of making the relationship more open.

If there is real love, you will wish each other the best sex with others

and with time you will lose the fear in open relationships

that one of you abandons the relationship to go with someone else.

[firefight]

Both of you should get coached by a neutral 3rd party.

Nonetheless sex is probably 10% activity in a relationship.

[Kimochi]

Both of you go exercise together. Sex will come after that ~

[kjboy]

2 hours ago, Pause said:

Does this happen to any of you? You really love the guy but lost the sexual attraction or due to different role. It becomes a bit awkward to have sex now. Both still young though. 

1. Different role won't cause this issue.

2. Lost sexual attraction, means they have good sexual attraction before?

3. Communication. Guessing game won't solve the problem but it will cause more problems. So just ask: WHY U DONT WANT TO FUCK WITH ME ANYMORE?

4. Watch more porn. Add some new games like blindfold, bondage...

5. Break up and move on to new bf.

[Pause]

1 hour ago, kjboy said:

1. Different role won't cause this issue.

2. Lost sexual attraction, means they have good sexual attraction before?

3. Communication. Guessing game won't solve the problem but it will cause more problems. So just ask: WHY U DONT WANT TO FUCK WITH ME ANYMORE?

4. Watch more porn. Add some new games like blindfold, bondage...

5. Break up and move on to new bf.

I think it's like semi same role, sorry typo. Initial sexual attraction but physical intimacy like hugging kissing is there. Maybe it's result of too much porn? So More expectations lol

[kjboy]

22 minutes ago, Pause said:

I think it's like semi same role, sorry typo. Initial sexual attraction but physical intimacy like hugging kissing is there. Maybe it's result of too much porn? So More expectations lol

Too much porn?

Just admit u get bored of him and dont love him anymore.

[Pause]

5 minutes ago, kjboy said:

Too much porn?

Just admit u get bored of him and dont love him anymore.

U r jumping into conclusion but nvm let's hear from the other members thank u =)