Relationship without sex + I Don't Have Sex With My Bf For Many Months, How to Improve? (compiled)

[Garyl]

Houseworks is like gym ,like ECA with boys outside- tired you.

Bro, read again.. sentence is correctly constructed..., i think.

[lovehandle]

this! got u answered

 

age might be an issue (even at 30s) , a guy (maybe due to his work at a bank-stressful?!?!!!!) claimed he has not been performing his "1" role for the past 3 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can one survive with that??????????????//

 

 

[auri]

57 minutes ago, -Ignored- said:

this! got u answered

 

age might be an issue (even at 30s) , a guy (maybe due to his work at a bank-stressful?!?!!!!) claimed he has not been performing his "1" role for the past 3 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can one survive with that??????????????//

 

 

Actually I just saw that....

I think he did mention he is not single?

Interesting.... would be fun to know the background

[lovehandle]

2 minutes ago, auri said:

Actually I just saw that....

I think he did mention he is not single?

Interesting.... would be fun to know the background

precisely

 

( i didnt say he is a single) 

he has not been performing his "1" role (on his partner) for the past 3 years!!!! - how could the partner tolerate? partner must be bz outside having fun

[auri]

5 minutes ago, -Ignored- said:

precisely

 

( i didnt say he is a single) 

he has not been performing his "1" role (on his partner) for the past 3 years!!!! - how could the partner tolerate? partner must be bz outside having fun

 

Maybe their relationship is now sexless...

[lovehandle]

yup likely

Hence it is a shock (must-share) 
Btw, the compere/show hosts for FJ234 also mentioned they have a friend also admits at age 30s already felt that  (though many BW membrs will deny that , of course i know there r always exception) age is "catching up" and performing the top role is not that .......

 

Oh, Auri, u can read chinese, i didnt know that, gd to know!

[auri]

On 4/18/2019 at 5:27 PM, -Ignored- said:

yup likely

Hence it is a shock (must-share) 
Btw, the compere/show hosts for FJ234 also mentioned they have a friend also admits at age 30s already felt that  (though many BW membrs will deny that , of course i know there r always exception) age is "catching up" and performing the top role is not that .......

 

Oh, Auri, u can read chinese, i didnt know that, gd to know!

seriously, 30s is way too young to be having issues down there

of course it will be different compared to a 15yo, but shouldn't become a problem till much later

[lovehandle]

30s is more of a work stress

 

many greed to climb the rat race

[auri]

On 4/19/2019 at 7:46 PM, -Ignored- said:

30s is more of a work stress

 

many greed to climb the rat race

work stress maybe no libido, but that is different to not being able to get it up

[enthuboy_93]

On 4/18/2019 at 2:30 PM, -Ignored- said:

precisely

 

( i didnt say he is a single) 

he has not been performing his "1" role (on his partner) for the past 3 years!!!! - how could the partner tolerate? partner must be bz outside having fun

Ehhh... that last bit Relationships are not built on just sex ya know? And relationships dun have to involve sex sex sex
Of course, communication is key between both parties in a relationship How much sex you want and how often Beyond just sex, there's a lot more out there to explore as well as a couple

[lovehandle]

3 minutes ago, enthuboy_93 said:

Ehhh... that last bit Relationships are not built on just sex ya know? And relationships dun have to involve sex sex sex
Of course, communication is key between both parties in a relationship How much sex you want and how often Beyond just sex, there's a lot more out there to explore as well as a couple

yes, of course wont need to have sex daily

but sex is still afterall a part n parcel of a male's life ( cannot imagine without it TOTALLY, 3 yr is too long and many more years to come)

which is why the host of the video r fussing over it 


I will die and run out to have fun if 3mths have no sex

&
the title of the thread will not be called Poor sex life: all will claim that it is just NO sex , no sex doesnt mean it is poorly managed relationship 
it is obvious it is Poor sex life 

Edited April 21, 2019 by lovehandle

[enthuboy_93]

Well, one needs to think through if he prefers the companionship ( or all else that a relationship offers) or more concerned bout the lack of sex 
If it is the former then communication with his partner, or accept a partner with lower sex drive and possibly less sex which is still possible 

[enthuboy_93]

As mentioned, there is really a lot more to sex and it is up to one to explore hehe

[kennethchung]

is sex the most crucial thing to maintain rs?

[Guest Wank]

No in my opinion. My partner is low in sex drive. So i turn to my BFF, my hands to wank!

Problem solved.

[Guest Tarzan]

On 5/28/2019 at 12:43 AM, kennethchung said:

is sex the most crucial thing to maintain rs?

No it is not crucial, but it is still needed to maintain a certain level of sanity in animals.

[lovehandle]

1 hour ago, Guest Tarzan said:

No it is not crucial, but it is still needed to maintain a certain level of sanity in animals.

agree

[whitetiger]

Just imagine

time flies fast and now you are at age of 70.. 

will you choose sex or love?

 

PS: 70 is just a number for discussion, not to discriminate anyone because everyone will reach there eventually...

[Guest Ric]

Is there any couple interested in 3p with probably a female watcher. I can take aj and bj.

[Jackhammer]

First of all, I would like to express my thanks to all that took the time to read thru the following and offer your opinions on the matter. I sincerely hope I could find some possible answers from your inputs to support my boyfriend’s actions and behavior, and probably how I should respond in future.

 

We got to know each other thru gay dating apps, and yes, it all started out with sex. After we jo on our first meeting, we talked about our past and our desire to find a partner. I was touched by his past love history, and I express my desire to be in relationship with him. He never rejected the offer and that is how we started our relationship. However, the intensity in sex we engaged dropped drastically in mere few months, and he once mentioned that it is because there were no longer the fresh (surprise) element. In fact, we no longer have sex or jo after few months. He mentioned that he also does not understand why he suddenly lose such sexual urges, and comfort me that so I need not worry that he will mess around while I am not with him. 

 

Initially, I thought my craves for sex had stressed him out, so I let him be and only kiss and hug him when we are together. Our relationship is nearly 1.5 years old, but this situation is nearly 1 year old. Although we still addressed each other as ‘dear’, it appears that I am the only party taking the initiative to kiss, hug or even hold his hands. Nowadays, he even playfully tucked his lips when I attempt to kiss him, as if he was trying to avoid my kiss. When I fondle his nipples when hugging him, after a while he would break the hug claiming that he needs to go toilet. 

 

How to put it? To me, other than physical contact, I can say he is still caring and considerate. But, is this how a couple should manage their relationship? 

 

Sometime, I wonder, should I step back further and stop taking initiative? But, wouldn’t the relationship become brotherhood where we support each other with no physical attraction? Few months ago, in our daily text, I said, it has been a while since I heard him said, ‘I love you’. Instead of playing along with me and reply ‘I love you’, he texted ‘Sorry’. 

 

Honestly, I really wish to know how he truly feels about me, but I dare not ask him directly. Probably I love him too much.

 

Putting yourself in my BF position, what make you behave in such manner, and what do you expect your partner to respond?

Putting yourself in my position, what do you think you will do?

 

Please offer your opinions and advices. Thanks again!

Edited August 25, 2019 by Jackhammer

[Xiaoxianrou]

Dear Jackhammer,

 

 I feel for you. But everything is guess work unless u speak to him directly.  Some people's love language could be non touch, and geared towards other aspects. So we can't be certain he no longer loves you. But his actions is also possibly a reflection of his inner absence of desire for you. 

 

That's why I say it's better that you find time to talk to him. Like you said, you probably love him too much to ask him directly. Is it because you are afraid of losing him? 

Think about it this way: what's the point of continuing to drag on a relationship if the truth is that he no longer loves you?

 

Then again, I feel that love should be more than just physical attraction. To me, physical attraction comes and go. But love for the person endures. It's a personal commitment to my partner that I will love you even when you no longer look as good. Or when my physical desire changes. 

 

It could be that he lost some attraction for you, and he himself is confused by why he is losing physical interest in you. But that doesn't mean he does not love you anymore.

 

My advice is move away from routines. Try something new, like surprising him with a thoughtful gift, or going to work out in a gym, learn a new language together or play a new game together. Maybe it will re-ignite that small flickering flame? 

 

If this doesn't work, then talk to him directly about it. 

 

If both of you overcome this period together, you'll come out stronger. 

[henryt1]

5 minutes ago, Xiaoxianrou said:

Dear Jackhammer,

 

 I feel for you. But everything is guess work unless u speak to him directly.  Some people's love language could be non touch, and geared towards other aspects. So we can't be certain he no longer loves you. But his actions is also possibly a reflection of his inner absence of desire for you. 

 

That's why I say it's better that you find time to talk to him. Like you said, you probably love him too much to ask him directly. Is it because you are afraid of losing him? 

Think about it this way: what's the point of continuing to drag on a relationship if the truth is that he no longer loves you?

 

Then again, I feel that love should be more than just physical attraction. To me, physical attraction comes and go. But love for the person endures. It's a personal commitment to my partner that I will love you even when you no longer look as good. Or when my physical desire changes. 

 

It could be that he lost some attraction for you, and he himself is confused by why he is losing physical interest in you. But that doesn't mean he does not love you anymore.

 

My advice is move away from routines. Try something new, like surprising him with a thoughtful gift, or going to work out in a gym, learn a new language together or play a new game together. Maybe it will re-ignite that small flickering flame? 

 

If this doesn't work, then talk to him directly about it. 

 

If both of you overcome this period together, you'll come out stronger. 

I agree.  Talk to him instead of guessing his feelings n thots.

[Steve5380]

Xiaoxianrou's post is a good response,  and I want to add to it.

 

It is possible that from the start your boyfriend's attraction to you was not predominantly sexual but some other attributes he liked in you. 

If you are attractive he would have had good sex, but not with the ideal sex partner of his dreams.   All this is nothing abnormal.

 

Ask yourself:  wouldn't you start a relationship with a guy who is a dream of a boyfriend except that he attracts you only so-so?  Wouldn't you rationalize: "sex is not everything"?

Well... maybe this is what his position is.  Does this make the relationship impossible?

 

If you two love each other (independent of sex),  would this be a good situation to maintain in an open relationship?

.

Edited August 25, 2019 by Steve5380

[Jackhammer]

Thanks for the responses.

 

Of course, I understand sex is not everything in love. In fact, that’s how I managed my past year (almost). I just jo on my own so to stay faithful to him. Leaving sex aside, say without kiss, hug or holding of hands (assuming if I do not take initiative and all these cease), is that still consider as love? 

 

I agree everyone ‘s opinion of love is different. To me, it’s thru such gestures that I feel the uniqueness and sincerity of such relationship. Although I understand that it’s the heart that counts (eg, the willingness to spend time, money, etc. for parents, siblings, family members, etc), isn’t there a slight distinction between romance love vs. family love?

 

Honestly, we have never quarreled, and I enjoy being with him. In fact, I look forward to stay with him in the near future. But a part of me fear that my love for him is not reciprocated with love but his sense of commitments in return for my love. It’s like something missing in a what seem like a normal picture kind of feeling.

 

Anyway, guess I will have to find an opportunity and ask him how he truly feels.

 

Probably before the opportunity presents itself, I shall also stop taking all the initiatives. To me, I wanted to tell him my love for him is still as fresh as when we started. But guess it’s painting him a different story. 😭😭😭

[Guest talk serious]

The others commentors are right to say: "talk to him"

 

I sense your "partner" has the fear to hurt you by telling you that he doesn't love you.

 

I m not sure if you are living together, if not, I wouldn't be surprised if he might have another bf already.

Probably, he is just waiting for you to end the relationship so he has left with clean sheets and not having broken your heart.

 

Ceasing sex in a quite young relationship after 3 months is just much too early. There is something that he doesn't or didn't enjoy in your past sex.

 

Sometimes we should face the hard truth.

Look for the right opportunity and just talk frank about you and him.

 

You don't want to drag on something that ended a long time ago and waste your youth on something which will not work out.

 

Love is not 100% sacrifice to the other.

[Adrius90]

It is clear that you express and experience love through physical contact which your other half may not. While he may not reciprocate the way you expect, it may be because the way he expresses and experiences love differs from you.

 

Do have a read of Dr Chapman's five love languages which may provide some direction on how your partner expresses and experience love and think back on what he has done so far before approaching him for a chat.

[Guest Guest]

Hmmm .... talking to him might be a good start, but he himself may not know why the relationship is getting stale too. And in fact, if it is any clue at all, he has also said the FRESHNESS is not there anymore. I guess this is just part and parcel of any type of relationships, be it a straight one or a gay one. People get bored in relationships and long-lasting ones are really hard to come by. 

 

That's the reason why people get married, because it is a legal requirement for them to stay together, and separation is a much harder thing to do, and they cannot just call for a separation as if it is some kind of a child's play. And after they get married, people stay on in a relationship because they need to raise the children together, and that is a liability that may prove to be much harder to handle alone than together. In other words, straight people sometimes stay together because there is a NEED for them to do so, and not because there is still love between them. 

 

But for us gays, since it is not yet possible for us to get married, it might be easier to break it off since there are not much obligations for us to keep it together ..... unless we can find a soulmate,  and this might just be looking for a needle in a haystack since one person's innate nature may not be able to meet the other's person's character so easily. In this case, I think if the attempt of keeping the relationship is not working, why keep them together? 

 

 

[Guest SomeOne]

As many suggested, best is you talk face to face what he really want and what you really want and take it from there. As you haven't provided much details because a lot of factors need to be identified first before we can provide advises.

 

How old are you and bf?

Are you staying together?

Are you both working or student?

 

[wilfgene]

Perhaps you would care to ponder on this Setback from the perspective of Assumption and Expectation.

You have somehow come to subscribe to an Assumption of how a relationship of such nature SHOULD be.

And come to expect how he SHOULD act in such a relationship.

 

Dear,

he is another INDIVIDUAL with his own set of assumption and expectation.

 

Even if you break up with him,

as you have used this opportunity to learn more of yourself,

you won't hate him too much.

 

After all, as a slave in "The Story of The Stone' commented,

"You can thatch a canopy for a thousand miles, all banquets come to an End".    

[Guest derrick]

It might be a case of you being the only one doing too much.

Don't continuously feed a man who is too full. He needs to feel he had work hard and invested in his work to enjoy an expensive meal that he finally archived.

It's not cynical, nor playing mind games.

A relationship is not 50-50 but certainly need balancing.

 

Meanwhile, just balance your life, enjoy doing your own thing.  Focus on other things you passionate about,

 

[mate69]

TS: Not to pour cold water but maintaining a relationship is hard work.

It may or may not be for you, but better for you to find out as soon as you can.

Don't let yourself lose time over a toxic and manipulative partnership with someone.

I know first hand, and am regretting it every single day till I tell myself I hate him.

It's perhaps my karma for having such a wretched person in my life.

Good luck and godspeed.

Edited August 26, 2019 by mate69

[Guest Guest 8 Years]

Hi Jackhammer

 

sorry to hear about your troubles. The general advise in this thread seems to be, speak to your partner. I agree. Before you do so, gather your thoughts.

 

-what makes you feel bad about the current state of your relationship?

-why do you feel that way? (you are a person who enjoys physical touch / sex?)

-how do you suggest to improve the situation?

 

Then talk to him, share your feelings. See how he feels too. You may be shocked to find out that he either doesn't feel the way you do, or feel that there is nothing wrong with the relationship at all. 

 

Doing the Love Language test is good too! You get a sense of how you like to be loved, and the same for your bf. 

 

Sharing my experience, i've been with my bf for close to 8 years. We honestly do not have much sex, however, we share intimate moments like holding hands in private, kissing, hugging, being very close. I see that you crave that. No one here can answer why your bf isnt reciprocating the physical touch. 

 

Do check with him, have a good conversation, if need be, fight it out. Then both of you need to agree that you want this relationship because a relationship after all, no matter what, is work. You have to put a decent amount of effort in it. Even if it is your soulmate and you are super in love and find it easy, you STILL need to work.

 

Good luck and I hope to hear some positive news from you soon!\

 

Cheers

[fab]

12 hours ago, Guest talk serious said:

The others commentors are right to say: "talk to him"

 

I sense your "partner" has the fear to hurt you by telling you that he doesn't love you.

 

I m not sure if you are living together, if not, I wouldn't be surprised if he might have another bf already.

Probably, he is just waiting for you to end the relationship so he has left with clean sheets and not having broken your heart.

 

Ceasing sex in a quite young relationship after 3 months is just much too early. There is something that he doesn't or didn't enjoy in your past sex.

 

Sometimes we should face the hard truth.

Look for the right opportunity and just talk frank about you and him.

 

You don't want to drag on something that ended a long time ago and waste your youth on something which will not work out.

 

Love is not 100% sacrifice to the other.

 

https://g.co/kgs/xTS5Ag

 

[sam8899]

To be rather brutal, I would say the chance of the relationship being sustained is rather low.

 

Most couples eventually get to this stage (minimal/no sex), but that usually takes many years. And during those years, the foundations of a long term relationship are built.

 

My concerns in your situation is that this is happening when things "should" still be at the honeymoon stage.

 

And aside from sex, the withdrawal from (non sexual) physical contact is also a bad sign.

[Jackhammer]

7 hours ago, Guest SomeOne said:

As many suggested, best is you talk face to face what he really want and what you really want and take it from there. As you haven't provided much details because a lot of factors need to be identified first before we can provide advises.

 

How old are you and bf?

Are you staying together?

Are you both working or student?

 

My apologies. As I thought I probably written too much, I did not fill in such information. We are both 42. I stay in Singapore while he stays in Johor. We meet up at least once a month in the past. As I am unemployed, and I just got the keys to the house in JB, I go Johor and stay at his place much more frequent. He always take the effort to come fetch me from the custom, and send me to the custom. 

[Guest Someone]

1 hour ago, Jackhammer said:

My apologies. As I thought I probably written too much, I did not fill in such information. We are both 42. I stay in Singapore while he stays in Johor. We meet up at least once a month in the past. As I am unemployed, and I just got the keys to the house in JB, I go Johor and stay at his place much more frequent. He always take the effort to come fetch me from the custom, and send me to the custom. 

 

Because your relationship is not considered long enough and you both are the same age. And since he gave you his house keys in JB, my guessing but I could be wrong that he wanted a platonic relationship. He could have found you a type of person he compatible, trusted and comfortable to be with but not compatible in sexual chemistry. But as said earlier on, the best is still talk to him face to face to find out as we don't really have a crystal ball. Best of luck.

[Guest Just A Thought]

It is not that love has failed but it is, with respect, your insecurity that has heightened.

 

Every individuals are unique.  For every new broom, it sweeps clean initially but it will come to a point when excitement in a relationship can be just getting a smile from each partner as time goes on.  Sex to some individuals is a must but to some others, it is not important.

 

For the relationship to work, you must find the courage to confront what you think is a problem.  Avoid double guessing.  Avoid over thinking. 

 

No two things can be the same.  What might be a good advice here may not work for you and in your situation.  Only when you pluck the courage to take full responsibility to make things right with your bf, that the new beginning will start again.  A good relationship needs effort.

 

 

[Guest Guest]

Are you two the same couple ....? 

 

 

[Jackhammer]

5 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Are you two the same couple ....? 

 

 

Don’t think so. For what I know, my boyfriend though is discreet, he has opened up to his family. He knows his sexual orientation quite some years back. 

[Garyl]

x

Edited August 29, 2019 by Garyl

[fab]

3 hours ago, Sizzler said:

Let nature take its course ... what will be, will be.

 

命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求

 

https://g.co/kgs/vvoYAv

 

[LeanMature]

When a relationship broke, ever wonder why you only blamed the other party and not yourself ?  

[Guest Pstar]

Jackhammer:
I typed a very long private msg reply to you (took me 15 mins I think) but error popped up and didn't send the msg across and my long reply now gone... damn!! sigh...
anyway i sent an email to you, reply me and we talk over there, cheers. 

[Jackhammer]

11 hours ago, Guest Pstar said:

Jackhammer:
I typed a very long private msg reply to you (took me 15 mins I think) but error popped up and didn't send the msg across and my long reply now gone... damn!! sigh...
anyway i sent an email to you, reply me and we talk over there, cheers. 

I cannot seem to pm you, or find your contact, probably you can pm me, and we can chat from there

[Jackhammer]

On 8/27/2019 at 1:42 PM, LeanMature said:

When a relationship broke, ever wonder why you only blamed the other party and not yourself ?  

Sorry if I sound like blaming my partner. But that is totally not my intention. I wish to find out how he feels, so we can be more comfortable with each other without stressing each other out, if there is still love between us. 

[Steve5380]

13 hours ago, Jackhammer said:

Sorry if I sound like blaming my partner. But that is totally not my intention. I wish to find out how he feels, so we can be more comfortable with each other without stressing each other out, if there is still love between us. 

 

Your relationship at 42 y.o. does not need to be so sexual as if you were two teenagers. You are unemployed and he offered you access to his house.  Would he accept that you move in with him?  Are you planning to find employment or would you be content being a househusband and care for your bf?  In a good relationship there should be a balance in what each partner offers to it.  You think you could reach this balance?  If you two feel that the other is sufficient contributor to each other's happiness,  then the relationship has a good chance to succeed.  Hopefully this is the case when you two have the deeper conversation.

[Guest knn]

this lao hiao @Steve5380 is e latest self like whore
he using another acc @Steve Temp to self like his own posts, bhb la
can't believe so old still going for such materialism 'likes'
knn

[Steve5380]

11 hours ago, Guest knn said:

this lao hiao @Steve5380 is e latest self like whore
he using another acc @Steve Temp to self like his own posts, bhb la
can't believe so old still going for such materialism 'likes'
knn

 

Hi dear "Guest knn"     You must be the miserable guy who took out a membership "kee_siao" with the only purpose to indiscriminately down-vote ten of my posts.

 

You must be really kee_siao to attack happily retired senior members who easily can take a bit of their extensive leisure time to fend off nasty vermin like you.

If in your feelings of inferiority and spite you create memberships specifically to attack other members,  in your lack of intelligence you don't realize that a smart retired senior can also create memberships to counter your spite in every one of his posts you vote down, while making him feel satisfaction with every one he does so.

Thank you for giving me so much satisfaction 

 

And here is my Relationship Advice: be very careful and avoid any relationships with kee_siao Guests like Knn  !

 

I want to suggest to BW to disable this down-vote feature,  given that it can be an easy tool of attack and revenge,  like this "kee_siao" proves.  If a post is so bad that it deserves to be voted down, the "Report" feature could take care of this. 

.

 

Edited August 29, 2019 by Steve5380

[benedict5856]

On 8/28/2019 at 7:37 PM, Jackhammer said:

Sorry if I sound like blaming my partner. But that is totally not my intention. I wish to find out how he feels, so we can be more comfortable with each other without stressing each other out, if there is still love between us. 

 

How long have u been unemployed? Is he unhappy about it? U causing any financial burden to him?

Do u look physically attractive to him 1.5 years ago and now?

As many ppl said, ''speak to him''. But in what ways? will he speak the truth?

Else, go the most direct way - U wanna to break off with me, izzit? Else why u so like that?!?!

[Guest knn]

On 8/30/2019 at 2:54 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

Hi dear "Guest knn"     You must be the miserable guy who took out a membership "kee_siao" with the only purpose to indiscriminately down-vote ten of my posts.

 

You must be really kee_siao to attack happily retired senior members who easily can take a bit of their extensive leisure time to fend off nasty vermin like you.

If in your feelings of inferiority and spite you create memberships specifically to attack other members,  in your lack of intelligence you don't realize that a smart retired senior can also create memberships to counter your spite in every one of his posts you vote down, while making him feel satisfaction with every one he does so.

Thank you for giving me so much satisfaction 

 

And here is my Relationship Advice: be very careful and avoid any relationships with kee_siao Guests like Knn  !

 

I want to suggest to BW to disable this down-vote feature,  given that it can be an easy tool of attack and revenge,  like this "kee_siao" proves.  If a post is so bad that it deserves to be voted down, the "Report" feature could take care of this. 

.

 

me not tt watever mbr u said
but u definitely gave me/us a v gd suggestion wat to do to u
WAHAHAHAHA