worldangel Posted July 8, 2020 Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 Joke: You're In Great Shape An elderly man visits a doctor for a check-up. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," the doctor tells him when the exam is over. "How do you do it?" "Well," says the patient, "I don't drink, I don't smoke and the Good Lord looks out for me! For weeks now, every time I go the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns on the light for me." Concerned the doctor heads out to the waiting room, approaches Mrs. Smith and tells her what her husband said. "I don't think that's anything to worry about," she says. "And on the bright side, it DOES explain who’s' been peeing in the fridge." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 10, 2020 Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 Joke: Mutual Orgasm A young married woman and an older married woman sitting together on a train from Boston to New York. As sometimes happens with strangers in such an environment, they began to discuss highly personal matters. As they were passing through Hartford, the younger woman spoke up thoughtfully, “Tell me, do you and your husband have mutual orgasms?” “No,” replied the older lady, “I think we have State Farm.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 10, 2020 Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 Joke: Go Get Your Maw A rural Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a rather large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Maw." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 10, 2020 Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 Joke: If Your Heart Is As Soft A man walks up to the front desk in a hotel lobby, he hears something in the background, and suddenly turns around and ends up elbowing a beautiful woman in the breast. Very apologetic, he says, "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, you'll forgive me." The woman says, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 10, 2020 Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 Joke: The Unattractive Ladies Man A very handsome man at a singles bar is sitting at a prime location having a drink. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks in, with no luck. Then a repulsively ugly man comes in, sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Minutes later he walks out with two of the most beautiful women you ever saw. Disheartened by all this, the good looking guy calls the bartender and says, “Excuse me, but do you know that man’s secret? I mean, he’s not what you’d call attractive, in fact he’s ugly as sin, and yet the ladies adore him. I’m everything a girl could want but I haven’t been able to score all night. What’s going on?” “Well,” said the bartender, “I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 10, 2020 Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 Joke: 45th Wedding Anniversary The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their forty-fifth wedding anniversary and their grown sons joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal he dew them aside. “You’re all grown men,” he said, “and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married.” “What?” gasped one of the sons. "Do you mean to say we’re all bastards?” “Yes,” snapped the old man, “and cheap ones, too!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 Joke: A Dreadful Two Storey House A man is standing in front of the judge, asking for a divorce. The judge says to him, “All right, sir, please explain to me why you want a divorce.” “Because,” says the man, “I live in a two-story house.” “You live in a two-storey house?” says the judge. “What kind of a reason is that for a divorce?” “Well," says the man, “one story is, ‘I’ve got a headache’ and the other story is, ‘It’s that time on the month.’” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 Joke: Quickie A man goes into a restaurant where all the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?" He looks at the menu, scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, and then answers, "A quickie." The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please." This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding SMACK! and storms away. A man sitting at the next table then leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 Joke: Automatic Tampon Remover = ATR A guy walks into a bathroom, sits down, and notices three buttons in front of him marked, WW, WA, and ATR. Curiosity gets the better of him so he decides to press WW. Suddenly, warm water sprays up his rear. “Mmmm,” he says to himself. “That was good.” So he presses WA and a jet of warm air dries his backside. “Mmmm. Nice!” So finally, he can’t resist pressing the ATR button. The next thing he knows, he is waking up in a hospital ward just as the nurse is entering the room. “Nurse, Nurse! Where am I? What happened?” The nurse replies, “You must have missed the sign to not press the ATR button.” “What does ATR mean exactly?” says the guy. “Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are under your pillow.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 Joke: Lot bigger than yours My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6-year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So, I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 Joke: Oh my goodness! An old man on the beach said to a beautiful girl in a bikini, "I want to feel your breasts!" "Get away from me, you crazy old man!" she replied. "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he said. "Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!" "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you $100!" he stated. "NO! Get away from me!" "$200", he offered. She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, "I said NO!" "$500 if you let me feel your breasts," he claimed. She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough ... and $500 IS a lot of money ... "Well, OK ... but only for a minute." She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel. Then he started saying, "OH MY GOODNESS ... OH MY GOODNESS ... OH MY GOODNESS ..." while he was caressing them. Out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my goodness, oh my goodness'?" While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, "OH MY GOODNESS ... OH MY GOODNESS ... OH MY GOODNESS ... OH MY GOODNESS, where am I ever going to get $500?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Joke: The Will, Hi Cowboy! A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi, Cowboy!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Joke: Killing flies A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a flyswatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh!, Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone". He responded Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Joke: Head On Top of Heels Roger had set a double date for himself and his friend Troy. Roger said, "Troy, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell you what they’re like." "Okay," said his buddy. "Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure. She's short on looks, but she gives an incredible blowjob. Suzie is pretty and has a perfect pair of legs, which she shows off by wearing shoes with very high heels." "Say no more," interrupted Troy. "I'll go for head over heels anytime!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Joke: When the Wealthy Widows Visits When her gardener suddenly took ill, the wealthy widow decided to visit him in the hospital. At the visitor’s desk, she announced, “I’ve come to see Mr. Jones in room two-eleven.” “Are you his wife?” asked the clerk. “Certainly not! I would never be married to a gardener!" answered the arrogant widow. “I’m his mistress.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Joke: Open another branch A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand. One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding hold out both his hands. He asks: "Why are you holding out both of your hands?" The beggar replied, "You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 13, 2020 Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Joke: Kids Tough Question Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions. Son: Father, Can I ask you a question? Father: Ok ask. Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor. Father: !!!??????!!! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 13, 2020 Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Joke: Moral of the story An elephant and a mouse are walking together through the jungle when the elephant falls into a very large hole. The hole is so large that try as he might, the elephant is unable to climb out. So the mouse says, "Hang around, I'll get something to drag you out with" and leaves. A little while later the mouse returns driving a Porsche and with a rope tied to the bumper bar and he drags the elephant out of the hole. The two friends continue their stroll through the jungle when all of a sudden, the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant immediately stands over the hole and squatting over it, lowers his penis so the mouse can grab it and lift himself out of the hole. The moral of this story is that "If your dick is long enough you don’t need a Porsche." Think Of Others 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 13, 2020 Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Joke: This Is A Math Class The math teacher in 3rd grade class asked Al, "If there are 4 birds in a tree and a hunter shoots down one of them, how many would there be left?" Al replied, “None, since all the other birds would fly away after the first shot." The teacher said, "Al, this is a math class. The answer should be four minus one. However I appreciate your imagination." The boy sought permission from the teacher to ask a question. Al asked," Three beautiful girls were eating an ice cream cone. One is lapping up the ice cream, another is nibbling the cone, and the third is sucking the ice cream from the bottom. Which one of them is married?" The teacher smiled and replied, " Probably the third one". Al said, "Miss, the one with the wedding ring is married, but I like your imagination!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 13, 2020 Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Joke: A Better Health Plan There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway. "What condition does he have?" the student asks. "He suffers from Seminal Build-up Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass into a coma." The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall. As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse. "What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?" "Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 13, 2020 Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Joke: Anatomy A new bride went to her doctor for a check-up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husband’s legs?" The doctor replies "We call that the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?" The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?" The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Joke: The Internet Power Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Joke: The psychiatrist & the LAN Cable A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly, the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of coloured plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Joke: Mini Cooper This guy comes back from the toilet, when a woman says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!" As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile, "Did you see my big black hummer?" The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Joke: Complete coverage Two men are in a doctor's clinic. Each of them are to get a vasectomy...the nurse comes into the room and tells both men, "Strip and put on these gowns before going in to see the doctor to have your procedures done." A few minutes later she returns and reaches into one man's gown and proceeds to fondle and ultimately begins to masturbate him. Shocked as he was, he asks "Why are you doing that?" To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure." The man not wanting to be a problem and enjoying it, allows her to complete her task. After she is through, she proceeds to the next man.. She starts to fondle the man as she had the previous man, but then drops to her knees and proceeds to give him oral sex. The first man seeing this quickly responds, "Hey! Why is it that I get masturbated and he gets a blow job?" The nurse simply replies, "Sir, there is a difference between HMO and Complete Coverage. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Joke: Anatomy A new bride went to her doctor for a check-up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husband’s legs?" The doctor replies "We call that the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?" The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?" The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Joke: The granite humanoid One day a planet is discovered out Antares way whose sole inhabitant is an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of granite. At first it is mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giant, for it squats motionless on a yellow plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It has legs, but it never rises to walk on them. It has a mouth, but never eats or speaks. It has what appears to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a condominium, but the organ lies dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lives. This puzzles the scientists, who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth--in vain. It just squats, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screams, "How could evolution give legs, mouth and brain to a creature that doesn't use them?" It happens that he's the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence. It rises with a thunderous tumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, thinks for the second, booms, "IT COULDN'T," and squats down again. "Migod," exclaims the xenobiologist, "of course! It only stands to reason!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Joke: A quickie A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?" He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie." The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please." This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away. A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think you meant 'Keesh' (written 'Quiche')." (In French cuisine, a quiche (English pronunciation: keesh) is an oven-baked dish made with eggs and milk or cream in a pastry crust.) Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Joke: A nice day "Such a nice day out today," a woman thought to herself as she took a walk through the park. Everyone was out. People were sunning themselves, reading books and having picnics. Eventually she came to a spot where the proprietor of the restaurant in the high street had set up shop outside. He was preparing food to sell right there in the park. The woman walked up to him and asked, "Why are you cooking food outside today?" "Why not?" the man replied, "It's a great day for a wok in the park!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Joke: The snoring issues Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night." The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Joke: No one believes seniors No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally .” On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.” Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” Sally said, “No”. Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile” The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.” Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....” The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 16, 2020 Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 Joke: Going Down In Flames A pilot is having dinner with a brunette and when they finish, they head to a hotel. He calls room service and asks for a bottle of red wine. When it arrives, he opens the bottle and puts some of the wine on the brunette’s lips and then starts kissing her. She asks what he’s doing and he replies, “When I have read meat, I must have red wine.” “Ooohh,” she says. A little later he calls room service again and orders some white wine. It arrives in a few moments and he begins to splash it on the girl's breasts and then starts kissing them. She asks what the white wine is for and he replies, “When I have white meat, I must have white wine.” “Ooohh, she says. Eventually, he works his way down, pulls out a can of lighter fluid and a match, sprinkles it on her muff, and lights it on fire. “Aahhh! Why the hell did you do that?" she yells. “When I go down, I want to go down in flames!” He replies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 16, 2020 Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 Joke: Bruce & the burglar Bruce went to the police station and asked to speak to the burglar who had broken into his house the previous night. 'You'll get your chance in court,' the desk Sergeant Kelly told him. 'I have to know how he got into the house without waking my wife,' pleaded Bruce. 'I've been trying to do that for years.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 16, 2020 Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 Joke: I would do anything A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!" He returns her gaze. "Anything???" "Yes,...Anything!!!" His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study???" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 16, 2020 Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 Joke: How to get good service? \ My husband and I had bought some gadgets for our almost teen-age grandsons and were leaving the store when we realized we didn't have batteries. He stepped over to a counter to get the batteries but couldn't attract the attention of the shop assistant. I waited for a little while then said "I'll get a clerk over here real fast." With that, I pulled out my pocket tape measure and started measuring a large TV set. Amazingly, a shop assistant leap-frogged over several pieces of furniture to reach my side in record time. To his "may I help you?" I said - "Of course. I'll take 8 of those batteries over there." *** And it works *** Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 16, 2020 Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 Joke: Service departments I became confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies: Banking 'Service' Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' Pay TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' City, State & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service' Bureaucratic 'Service' This is not what I thought 'Service' meant. Then I visited my uncle, he's a farmer, he was talking about hiring a bull to 'Service' his cows. Suddenly BAM!!! It all came clear. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 17, 2020 Report Share Posted July 17, 2020 Joke: The lone survivor At the plane crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank Heavens!", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!" The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously, he had eaten his comrades. The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?" The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but Good Heavens man, your plane only went down yesterday!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 17, 2020 Report Share Posted July 17, 2020 Joke: At the supermarket Peter is in a queue at the Supermarket when he notices that the hot looking dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and is giving him a big 'hello'. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although her face is vaguely familiar, Peter can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do you know me?" She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children" Peter's mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, 'Crikey!' he says, 'Did we meet at Frank’s party in Perth? Peter continued, 'When I got out of the police station and went back to the hotel room you had gone.' No, 'she replied, "I'm your son's English Teacher' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 17, 2020 Report Share Posted July 17, 2020 Joke: Father and son There was a father who called his 5 small children together. As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them "who is the most obedient?" Five sets of eyes looked up at him. Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?" One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. "You win!" exclaimed the child. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 17, 2020 Report Share Posted July 17, 2020 Joke: Willpower vs. Guilt Going to see her shrink, Gwen said, “You have to do something! Every time I go on a date, I always end up doing all kinds of perverted sexual acts. And then I spend the next day feeling guilty.” “I understand,” said the doctor. “We’ll work on improving your willpower.” “No!” she declared. “I want you to work on getting rid of the guilt!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 17, 2020 Report Share Posted July 17, 2020 Joke: Do You Know Who I Am? The Devil walks into a crowded bar. When the people see who it is, they all run out except this one old man. So the devil walks up to him and says, "Do you know who I am?" The old man sips his beer and answers, "Yep". The Devil says, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The old man looks over and says, "I've been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 18, 2020 Report Share Posted July 18, 2020 Joke: Punishing the teacher A lady broke a signal and was presented in front of the judge. Lady: Your honor please let me go, I am a school teacher, I am getting late for my class. Judge: Aahaa so you are a teacher, I have waited for this moment all my life, now write down I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH A RED LIGHT 5000 TIMES AND I WILL LET YOU Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 18, 2020 Report Share Posted July 18, 2020 Joke: Banned on the aeroplane Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane: "I think everyone's asleep, let's go! This one's empty ... no-one's looking... you go in first. It's a bit cramped - let me sit down. Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on." Sniff... sniff... "Ah perfume - you think of everything!" "This is great....." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker; then a new voice: "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet, we know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations! Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!" ....and what were you thinking? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 18, 2020 Report Share Posted July 18, 2020 Joke: Blind pilots Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 18, 2020 Report Share Posted July 18, 2020 Joke: Football Theme Wedding A young model is engaged to a ninety-year-old ship tycoon. In preparation for the wedding reception she tells the caretaker that the festivities must have a football theme. “Football theme,” the caretaker asks, “Why?” “Well,” the woman replies, “I’m hoping he’s going to kick off soon.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 18, 2020 Report Share Posted July 18, 2020 Joke: $100 Tattoo A man wanted a hundred-dollar bill tattooed to his penis. So, he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tattoo. In the middle of the job, he asks the man, "Why are you doing this?" The man replies, "That's personal." With that, the designer continues to do the tattoo. The designer is still intrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer, "I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this?" The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable. Here goes. There are three reasons. First, I like to play with money. Second, I like to watch money grow. Third, and the most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do it right at home." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 19, 2020 Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Joke: Ho Ho Ho! Little Johnny's mother took him to a local department store one morning to see Santa. As Little Johnny was approaching, Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas little boy?" He followed that up with a laughter of, "Ho, Ho, Ho!" Little Johnny replied, "Well that's mighty generous of you Santa, but one 'HO' will do me just fine!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 19, 2020 Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Joke: Heart to Heart Talk A woman has a heart to heart talk with her sister. “Sis, I have two boyfriends and I’m very, very happy. One guy is kind, considerate, giving, and handsome.” “Then why do you need the second one?” “He’s straight.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 19, 2020 Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Joke: Sit With My Wife An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead pussy." The bus driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 19, 2020 Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Joke: The best way to end a fight... Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other woman, "if that was true, that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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