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Cock Goes Soft After / When Putting On Condom & Performance Anxiety (Compiled)


quest4mnm

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I often lose my erection when I put on a condom. If I take out the condom I have no erection problem. Anyone have these problem or advise? Thanks.

Yup me too....so paiseh when i try to fxxx then after a while it goes soft.....happen when i went to a thai girl massage in thailand too....so malu but then without it can last :oops: but dangerous to try raw......

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same here :(

sometimes when i put on condom, it turn soft and i have to pump it few times to regain the hardness.

a friend mentioned i could have latex allegy, or just psychological reasons.

so anyone has good ideas?

:thumb: When I Think It, I Do It, I Win It! :thumb:

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Basically, the "momentum" of sex was interrupted and the mind gets little "distracted" thus you lose your erection.

A good way to prevent losing your erection, which I have tried are:-

1. Usually when my partner is giving me a good bj, and I am ready to mount him, I will pass the condom to him. He will know what to do. :P (haha...for those whom have partners who dun know what to do. Too bad!) :lol:

2. Have lots of practice with putting on a condom, so that you cut short the time to put it on. You should not take more than 30 seconds to put on a condom. It would help to always have condom & lube ready next to you, within reach, so that you don't spend time fumbling, looking for one.

3. Even after you have the condom on, you can still have your partner give u a blow or 2 prior to entering him. It would certainly help to maintain the hardness level.

4. Sometimes, half way through sex, when the lube dries up, it is always good to reapply the lube on the condom.

5. Another main point to remember is to keep your focus on your partner. Focus on trying to have a good time with your partner and keep the momentum. Try to bring the distraction to a minimum.

Well, hope the above help. Be safe and not sorry hor!

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5. Another main point to remember is to keep your focus on your partner. Focus on trying to have a good time with your partner and keep the momentum. Try to bring the distraction to a minimum.

ya i agree with you gachi (sounds like a jap snack...)

when you think about the condom... it sure cannot stay hard liaoz... so think about the hot sex... it works.

and it helps jerking off with condoms to... (my preference is okamoto... it feels nice to put it on and slide it into somewhere tight...

jerking off with condoms and learning to enjoy the feeling of wearing a condom makes a lot of difference

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I somehow hv the same prob too. I wld rather say I usually hv sex only aft one day of hard working. So it is kinda tough to get hard. I guess im tired. Urge is to sleep rather than hv sex. But watching p--n does help a bit to get the erection. Any1 has any recommendations?

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Guest trauma

wah, now i feel that i am not all alone.

in my case, it is more psychological. it is not about putting the condom, though the action triggers my mind to something unpleasant many years ago with a bottom. after the orgasm, there was a pool of sh*t on the bedsheet and all around the condom.

it is hard for me to overcome the problem to stay hard, and in particular, once the condom is in sight and the 'pumping' action is about to take place, my little brother will flag to surrender.

usually, i will share my problem with the bottom. i need to cross the psychogical barrier by prolonging foreplay.

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I am a flex, somehow for the past months i was in the btm role ... :oops: then yesterday i was trying to top one of my f buddy, i realised that i have a difficulty maintaining my erection after sometime. While when i am a btm, my dick was so damn hard..

I never have this problem when i was a pure top before i decided to try a btm role.. Think i better go "pratice more" as it was quite a disappointment and quite embarassing when i get soft while f... my buddy.

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in my case, it is more psychological. it is not about putting the condom, though the action triggers my mind to something unpleasant many years ago with a bottom. after the orgasm, there was a pool of sh*t on the bedsheet and all around the condom.

Sorry to hear about ur unfortunate event. Frankly, it would usually help if you were to ask the btm to "clean up" prior to "streneouse activities". Most btm(good) should know what to do. :D

Alternatively, if you are worried, you could always place a towel underneath the btm. It should help if there are any "spillage".

For me, I usually check the condom after the initial few strokes, it would somehow indicate if the btm's hole is "clean".

Well, due to your "traumatic" experience, it somehow becomes your "baggage". If you can't overcome ur psychological barrier then I think you might just have to turn into a btm lor. :lol:

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I somehow hv the same prob too. I wld rather say I usually hv sex only aft one day of hard working. So it is kinda tough to get hard. I guess im tired. Urge is to sleep rather than hv sex. But watching p--n does help a bit to get the erection. Any1 has any recommendations?

Having a good rest would certainly help. Like you have mentioned, when ur mind is only thinking of sleep, how could u be thinking of sex?

Take a nap or something. Do it only when you have a good rest and it would help if you do lots of foreplay to get the body "tune-in" for sex.

Yes, video will help too. :P

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It depends on how intense the sexual urge is, and how your partner able to arouse you while putting on your condom. Tiredness certainly will hinder erection and hard to sustain it. Sometimes our mind is focused on something else while trying to get arouse, will also causing some erection problem.

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Guest Guest_rain
in my case, it is more psychological. it is not about putting the condom, though the action triggers my mind to something unpleasant many years ago with a bottom. after the orgasm, there was a pool of sh*t on the bedsheet and all around the condom.

Perhaps the next time, you should make him sxxk for you after the first few pump, so he know to clean up..

I usually check my partner whether he has constipation or smooth bowel movement lately before the action..

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Guest Viagra

I suggest you take viagra and solve all the problem. Please note that even taking viagra, you have to be excited or stimuled before you can have an erection.

You cannot have erection mainly due to few reasons :

1. masterbate too much

2. too much sex

3. not really like other party.

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At the risk of my post being removed or bombarded, here goes... I have the same problem too... And it is embarassing... Hard during foreplay and soft after putting on condom and hard after removing the condom again... It may take some time for me to be stimulated enough to be hard with the condom on... Some bottoms dun find the process fun... And I am not surprised... I spoke to my doctor and was given prescribed medication. Now, with the medication, I have no such problems...

I think it is the process of putting on the condom, it can distract the mind from the sex... So, nowadays I will ask my bottom to put on condom for me... as part of foreplay... To help keep it up. :P And it works too... :P

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At the risk of my post being removed or bombarded, here goes... I have the same problem too... And it is embarassing... Hard during foreplay and soft after putting on condom and hard after removing the condom again... It may take some time for me to be stimulated enough to be hard with the condom on... Some bottoms dun find the process fun... And I am not surprised... I spoke to my doctor and was given prescribed medication. Now, with the medication, I have no such problems...

I think it is the process of putting on the condom, it can distract the mind from the sex... So, nowadays I will ask my bottom to put on condom for me... as part of foreplay... To help keep it up. :P And it works too... :P

Hi Buaya,

Your problem is similiar to mine. What is the medication your doctor prescribed? Thanks.

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Guest Guest_tic-toc

anyone wants to check out if the condom is too tight?

My bf has the same problem until we changed to another type, which is slightly bigger.

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  • 5 months later...
Guest BedokBi

I also have this problem when I want to top my flex friend. He is the one who top me the first time. Ever since I became flex then have this problem. In the past won't have this problem. Not sure if it is the poppers that I sniffed. Needed quite a lot to make my hole more loose.

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i also have a similar traumatic experience like Trauma that made me lose my hardon instantaneously. Before i topped him, my btm assured me that he has done his douche and all the neccessary cleaning, and i really believe tat he did. Eveything was fine until we change position to the lazy top style when he was squatting on top of me and i was pistoning upwards and jabbing away.

Then out of a sudden, he went weak and sat on me totally. the next moment, there was a dump of really warm shit that pierced through my dick and sitting nicely on my groin area! :ph34r::o:(

I just din know how to react to it and he was as shocked as me to see that happened as he has cleaned himself beforehand.

After all the cleaning up, my finger nails and hands still smelt like shit after 10 washes with kitchen detergent. So in the end, the only thing tat got rid of the smell totally was using the anitseptic alcohol that my btm used for his recently pierced ear lobes.

Tat incident stayed with me for months till now and i always avoid that lazy top position if i can cos the memory of tat smell can just make ur dick go gaga! :oops:

Serve my fellow bottom men well !

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Tat incident stayed with me for months till now and i always avoid that lazy top position if i can cos the memory of tat smell can just make ur dick go gaga! :oops:

Oh gawd! Gross! :yuk:

"I look upon those who would deny others the right to urge and argue their position, however irksome and pernicious they may seem, as intellectual and moral cowards."

-- William E. Borah

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Eveything was fine until we change position to the lazy top style when he was squatting on top of me and i was pistoning upwards and jabbing away.

Boya, that's nothing do with lazy top style position, but only blame that guy is a LOUSY btm. As i said early, most btm only " thought " they know how to clean their secret weapon but they don't actually, if they are really clean, no matter what styles & position you apply, nothing will " go wrong " even having long hour.

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  • 3 years later...
Guest Arashi

Anyone has any prob like to share during intercourse?

I had mine which I dunno if its an issue...Im 26 this yr and Im having prob gettin full erection for anal. I thot I having some serious prob but Im able to get a Real HARD one when Im jerking off watching pxxn...Perhaps Im too nervous duing intercourse or something. Hope to seek some advise from the others or anyone able to share their experiences?

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Guest guest

I assumed u r the poker rather than pokee. Most likely is mentally stressed because u want to perform well. Have a good talk w your partner abt this n good slow n with lots of foreplay to see if you can get hard again. Don't force yourself, if can't do it first time, then second time..till u can get use to it to have a hardon. Most importantly u must be horny or have the urge to have sex..Don't do it because yr partner wants it or u want to please your partner. Let it come naturally. Or maybe u want your partner to top you first n next time u top him. this is another option to get rid of your stress. hope this helps a bit

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Guest Guest

Anyone has any prob like to share during intercourse?

I had mine which I dunno if its an issue...Im 26 this yr and Im having prob gettin full erection for anal. I thot I having some serious prob but Im able to get a Real HARD one when Im jerking off watching pxxn...Perhaps Im too nervous duing intercourse or something. Hope to seek some advise from the others or anyone able to share their experiences?

dont be shy..i let u try on me?

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What you had experienced is what we called "Performance anxiety". It is very crucial that you stay calm and be in control of your emotion and situation during sex. I presume that you are rather inexperience as a top, which is why you are anxious.

A good way to calm the anxiety is to take your time in foreplay, and get to know ur partner better via conversation, etc. If you go soft due to being anxious, take a break. Get your partner to give u a blowjob to get you back into your former glory. If you still can't get it up, just do something else. For those who may have issues with performance, try not to cum the day before.

More practice will help too. Anyway, if all else fail, you can still enjoy sex as a btm.

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Anyone has any prob like to share during intercourse?

I had mine which I dunno if its an issue...Im 26 this yr and Im having prob gettin full erection for anal. I thot I having some serious prob but Im able to get a Real HARD one when Im jerking off watching pxxn...Perhaps Im too nervous duing intercourse or something. Hope to seek some advise from the others or anyone able to share their experiences?

you are not alone. i am facing the same problem. even tried chicken essence. perhaps Viagra works. could this be due to lack of excitement? or perhaps the location? i do admit that i have certain amount of stress.

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you are not alone. i am facing the same problem. even tried chicken essence. perhaps Viagra works. could this be due to lack of excitement? or perhaps the location? i do admit that i have certain amount of stress.

Maybe can try some of those supplement containing Horny Goat Weed or Tongkat Ali, available from those health food store, might be helpful.

Still cannot then need to see doctor for checkup.

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Guest Arashi

Thx all for the kind advises... i did not have an successful anal experience b4 perhaps due to anxiety and stress...kind of turn off i supposed....Well I will try some of the methods mention...

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  • 1 month later...
Guest FlexChub

Hi all,

Recently, I hooked up with a bottom. My kinda guy. We first started to makeout and eventually he asked for anal. I thought it was my lucky night that I was finally gonna fxxk an ass. He was moaning for me to fxxk him. But I couldn hold my erection for more than 15 seconds. I only entered him once. I tried to let him suck me longer so I could stay hard longer. But that didnt work too. I felt so bad. In the end, i fingered him and I came in his mouth. I asked him if he enjoyed it after the session. He neither agreed nor disagreed. Can anyone help me?

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Young man, sometimes such things happens even to the most experienced top. The more anxious you get, the harder it is for you to get it up. If you are not pressed for time, you guys can continue with romance and foreplay before proceeding to try again. If your bottom don't have the patience then move on. Don't lose sleep over it. Just take it that you and that bottom don't gel in bed no matter how hot he may be to you.

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Guest Guest

I assume that you have no problems fxxking other guys. Then it is PERFORMANCE ANXIETY.

I had 2 incidents like you.

First incident. Had a nite-out with a guy who is a well-known figure in his profession. He was cute. But I just could not get hard in bed. Just fingered him. But once home I had a raging hard-on.

Second incident. I met up with this really cute guy on BlowingWind. Usually I would not have problem getting an erection. But that nite it just isn't very hard. He sucked me for a while and we had more foreplay. Before entering him, I tried to distract my mind to and talk about other things. Managed to fxxk him, but it was far from a memorable fxxk.

Just take your mind off their celebrity status, think of your own enjoyment and treat them like a ordinary piece of meat, I think both of you will do better.

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Guest FlexChub

Young man, sometimes such things happens even to the most experienced top. The more anxious you get, the harder it is for you to get it up. If you are not pressed for time, you guys can continue with romance and foreplay before proceeding to try again. If your bottom don't have the patience then move on. Don't lose sleep over it. Just take it that you and that bottom don't gel in bed no matter how hot he may be to you.

GM,

thanks for the advice. Its really comforting to know tt this is normal. Thx much")

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Guest FlexChub

I assume that you have no problems fxxking other guys. Then it is PERFORMANCE ANXIETY.

hi

the problem is, this has only been my second time. My first one was this more older man. his hole was much loser so it was easier for me to enter him with less effort. So i don't know whether its me or its the fact that the guy's hole is tightrer and requires more fingering so that i can enter him better. Oh well...

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Ya, sometimes it can be very trying trying to fxxk a tight ass, but if you succeeded in getting your dick in one, the 'songness' can't be compared. You will feel that your cock is wrapped around by the ass. The sensation I can only say is 'si peh song'(very pleasurable).

It is alway good to do lots of foreplay to get your bottom into the mood. As for you, don't worry too much about how, why, etc. just relax and enjoy the time with your bottom. Thinking too much and anticipating every actions in bed will certainly cause u to get soft as your mind is too preoccupied. The trick here is relax and enjoy.

If you are the type that will get soft when you put on a condom, just make sure u get condom and and lube ready before you start the session. Or just ask ur bottom to put the condom on for you when you are ready to fxxk him. It can be sexy to lube up your bottom too as u finger him and seeing him moan with your every action.

For a good entry, you can hv ur bottom face down and u enter him from behind or you can do it in missionary style with his legs raised. Position your dick outside his hole and slowly inch your dick gently into his ass. Alternatively, you can let the bottom sit on your dick and let him inch himself onto you.

Once in, do it slowly as your bottom may still be very tight and sore from the initial entry. Don't be impatience. Relax and enjoy and always look at the respond of your bottom's face. If he is in pain, hold back a little and let him relax before you start pumping. In no time, he will be gripping you hard to fxxk him harder. Topping a bottom is not just about you. It's between you and your bottom. If you want to have an enjoyable time, it is always good to make sure that your bottom is well taken care of too.

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lately, I noticed that the younger guys tends to have problem having erection.

not that they dun like me, cos most of the time, they enough doing other things but when comes to that crucial moment, it just go soft. While this btm here is still solid hard.

Got this 23yo Malay guy who stays around my place and likes to call me over, love doing all the foreplay to me, long nipple play, fingering but when comes to that, just cannot get it hard.

anyway, I am not complaining....

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Guest guest

lately, I noticed that the younger guys tends to have problem having erection.

not that they dun like me, cos most of the time, they enough doing other things but when comes to that crucial moment, it just go soft. While this btm here is still solid hard.

Got this 23yo Malay guy who stays around my place and likes to call me over, love doing all the foreplay to me, long nipple play, fingering but when comes to that, just cannot get it hard.

anyway, I am not complaining....

me too ... bottom super hard... top very soft.... is crazy... haha

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