Is Anal / Oral Sex A Must? Is Sex Important In A R/ship? + R/ship Without Sex Possible? (compiled)

[Guest curious]

snowball: I can't take a dick in my ass, and I'm very certain about it. I have tried a few times before and I don't enjoy the feeling. I have topped too, but I think I never pleased my partner, as I'm pretty modest in size and I don't last long. I go limp after a while of fxxking even though i haven't cum yet.

It's my wishful thinking that gay relationship doesn't have to involve anal sex, but i'm just wondering how hard it is to find one.

[chapapa]

This is a very interesting topic!

Well I would say so far, from what I know its hard to find people who would be interested in having a relationship without anal sex as they will say its a form of "connection" but as snowball says, its not a MUST for ALL r/s to be this way.

Just need to find a person who loves you and would be able to have a r/s with you without anal sex. Unless you wouldn't mind him finding other people to satisfy him once in a while? Then it also comes down to compromise... I hope I didn't make it more confusing!

Cause I might just find myself in this state too

[snowball]

i'm just wondering how hard it is to find one.

don't think too far, when you meet the right one, you will know. i believe in fate, but i don't rely it, get what i mean?

most important, true to yourself, don't force what you don't like, else you won't be happy, honest to the right guy, if he

likes you, he will respect you, but don't just only think about yourself, cos love relationship is about 2 person, care for his feeling & needs too.

good luck.

Edited May 16, 2010 by snowball

[sfguy123]

as everyone has said it's not impossible to find the right guy for you.. there a guy out ther for everyone, but from personal stand point it's going to a be longer search for you, but don't give up... good luck

[lawrencechua]

Glad to hear and know that you are not into anal sex too. I prefer hugging, kissing too. Do PM me. Thanks.

[cock brand]

I'm wondering if any of you has been in a long term relationship where anal sex is not involved? Kissing, hugging, rubbing, cuddling, oral... anything but anal sex?

Does it last that way? Or must it go there?

I'm not a bottom, but I'm a very lousy top also. My tool is not big enough and I don't last long. I don't enjoy doing it. However I love the feeling of intimacy with another body. I enjoy cuddling, kissing, caressing...

Does it mean I'm hopeless? Could somebody share their experience?

So you are a g0y!

What is g0y? For your info : http://g0ys.org

Also, go read the other thread on the same issue in this forum : My link

[virion78]

I'm in a non-anal relationship for more than 8 years, if you consider this long.

[Guest Guest]

I'm wondering if any of you has been in a long term relationship where anal sex is not involved? Kissing, hugging, rubbing, cuddling, oral... anything but anal sex?

Does it last that way? Or must it go there?

I'm not a bottom, but I'm a very lousy top also. My tool is not big enough and I don't last long. I don't enjoy doing it. However I love the feeling of intimacy with another body. I enjoy cuddling, kissing, caressing...

Does it mean I'm hopeless? Could somebody share their experience?

There was once this guy who I dated long ago. He said he don't like anal. He is something like your case; handsome but not good for sex. Yet he liked me. We cuddled, kissed and he told me all his troubles. But I told him frankly that I am a bottom. Still he wanted me to change for him. I told him I'll try but cannot promise.

But it was really difficult for me and I played behind his back. He found out by examining my anus. He was furious because he simply cannot understand what is so great about dirty anal sex.

Anyway I told him that in order for us to bond beyond just friends, we need to connect physically at least once. It is difficult to describe the emotional feeling when a man is inside your body doing things to bring out the ecstasy of sex.

That was a bad mistake. He couldn't perform and I was like huh?? After that we knew we could never be compatible and there is no point trying; it will waste our precious time.

You really need to test your partner for compatibility before you start to commit emotionally.

[Guest Papermonkey]

HI

Don't be discourage... I am the same too! I don't really like anal sex. I prefer cuddling, hugging and kissing... Hmm... Hahaha... Maybe we can meet up and do them together! Blink... Write to me at papermonkey@me.com.

[Guest Guest]

Well actually in the 80s and 90s, most of the gays will only do the touching, hugging and little bit of kissing. Sucking is quite common and nipple play is rare. Most of the gays will be virgin at that time.

Nowadays,a lot of gays are playing the back door game, very different from previous time.

[Guest gaysingaporean]

From years of observation, this is my conclusion.

I have many friends(locally and overseas) who are(or were) couples...

This is what I have noticed.

Couples who are actively engaging in anal sex are more passionate in behaviour. But somehow ths relationships are relatively short lived. Jealousy gets in the way!

On the other hand, couples who stay together without anal sex, their relationships last much longer... but somehow they do not seem so happy together. On the outside, they seem to put on a show for all to see but deep down inside they have a certain sour note about their relationship. Something is missing!!!

I do hope I am wrong in my observation but in all my 40 years of socializing in the gay community(asian and western), this is what I haved concluded.

Sex is important in a relationship... anal and oral, the whole work! Without it, then it should be classified as friendship or brotherly bond! Nothing wrong with that, just please do not mixed it up!

[castaway]

There are millions of gay guys who enjoy A-sex but still can't find their's Mr.Right, so don't worry if you haven't

I know some couples (both Top or both Bottom, even some married also) who don't have A-sex but of course they decide to have somethings called "Open relationship" :whistle: and they said their relationships last almost a decade already, so no worry about this :thumb: unless you don't agree about tit

Yes, it is true that sex is an important part of relationship but not everything. And also, happiness is defined differently between people and couples. :thumb:

[Guest Guest]

me also no anal invovled in relationship. now relationship going 6 years.

anyway sex is not priority in our relationship so its ok.

[loveseeker]

Love satisfies one spiritually. Sex satisfies one physical need. Both are equally important.

[CamperBoy]

Hmmm, i once had a non anal relationship for 3 years!

I guess i was the supposedly bottom in the relationship. My ex tries very hard to coax me into allowing him to fxxk me.

At first i just played along, promising him, that he can enter me, on special occasions like his birthday or anniversaries etc... He will get all geared up and even bought condoms and lube for that special night...even booked a hotel.... but alas... nothing happen.. lol

i really didn't like anal fun! i prefer the romance, the talk on the bed type... hugging and kissing...

So yeah, i guess it wasn't a surprise for me that he cheated on me, to find a true bottom... which he did....hmm

[cock brand]

Hmmm, i once had a non anal relationship for 3 years!

I guess i was the supposedly bottom in the relationship. My ex tries very hard to coax me into allowing him to fxxk me.

At first i just played along, promising him, that he can enter me, on special occasions like his birthday or anniversaries etc... He will get all geared up and even bought condoms and lube for that special night...even booked a hotel.... but alas... nothing happen.. lol

i really didn't like anal fun! i prefer the romance, the talk on the bed type... hugging and kissing...

So yeah, i guess it wasn't a surprise for me that he cheated on me, to find a true bottom... which he did....hmm

Moral of the story - non compatible relationship can't last, no matter how hard one tries!

[Guest Guest]

Well actually in the 80s and 90s, most of the gays will only do the touching, hugging and little bit of kissing. Sucking is quite common and nipple play is rare. Most of the gays will be virgin at that time.

Nowadays,a lot of gays are playing the back door game, very different from previous time.

Not really true. Anal play is common but the people won't dare to talk openly like nowadays because of the stigma that it is dirty and perverted even amongst gays. It was all wink, wink and hush hush especially when you are the hole. At that time I was still new and hearing all kinds of gossips. There is no internet to tell you such naughty things.

But then hush, hush secrets are much, much more exciting. I remember the first time I watch anal sex by duplicating a friend's key and hiding in his hall closet. Those type with slats for airing the closet. Moreover, there was one slat missing at the side, perfect for looking out and safe if I wear all black. We already suspected he and his good friend are having sex and I had a crush on his handsome, muscular friend. I really was so desperate that I watched them for a long time before I daringly did that.

What I saw that night was an eye opener to see two beefy men make anal love so passionately at the big sofa. The part that made me cum was when his friend slumped over the sofa back rest and his meaty butts were licked and fingered. Finally my friend entered him from behind do all kinds of thrusting like upwards, forwards. And from my angled direction, I can his cock and balls shaking with every thrust. My friend stopped to add so much lub that both their thighs were soaked in slimy whitish liquid that looked like thin cum. That beautiful butt was all wet and shiny begging my friend to use it like a piece of fxxk meat.

The sound of 2 firm bodies banging together and the dirty talking, I tell you it made my heart beat so fast that I steamed into my underwear. No sex today can ever come close to the excitement that I felt that night. But the finale that I saw almost made me faint from the climax. I just couldn't believe when I saw cum flinging all over the place from his friend's cock and the almost crying moans from his friend's ecstasy. I've never heard a man cry almost like a little boy.

Nowadays people call that autocum but in those days we don't understand such things and nobody ever claim to really seen it happen before. But we all heard about it like it was some rumours. It was like a woman "chut jui - coming out water" so we also call that chut jui because we also think the bottom is basically an ah kua.

After that I waited till they went for showers together then I sneaked out. After that my ideas about this secretive anal sex changed. People were doing it privately and because of the ah kua jokes, nobody admitted.

And the funny thing was that he and his friend also cracked these types of ah kua jokes

[Guest Guest]

HI

Don't be discourage... I am the same too! I don't really like anal sex. I prefer cuddling, hugging and kissing... Hmm... Hahaha... Maybe we can meet up and do them together! Blink... Write to me at papermonkey@me.com.

Anal sex does not preclude cuddling, hugging and kissing... on the other hand it actually makes them even more intimate on a very much higher emotional plain.

You can hug and kiss while your lower parts of your bodies are interlocked together. It is so intimate and so special that he open himself to you despite that damn pain. Look into his eyes during missionary and kiss his pain away. That loving tenderness is almost impossible to express in any other way. That kiss says that you understand and will reciprocate to bring him pleasures that you both will mutually derive together. No words can speak louder than your bodies in copulation. If you seek love, this is magically how love is supposed to feel.

Then after all that lovemaking, don't wash up yet but cuddle with his soft tool still cradled warmly outside your wet hole. Feel the sweat and the stickyness that bind you together. Feel the breezy coolness of your hole after he had used it and withdrew.

These things nobody can tell you. If you are willing to, you can try. If you don't feel it, then it is not there.

[subbtmchn73]

I think it depends on the partner. If both partner does not need it, then a good chance the relationship will last.

But i strongly feel, sex need not be anal only and sex is important in an relationship. Meaning you need to have sex and intimacy even if no anal. Oral, hugging kissing and eventually both cumming. If this is enough for both then no reason why it does not work out. If you are not comfortable with anal, there will be others just like you as well.

As for me, i have been in 2 relationships 4 years and 5 years, both non-sexual. Not just non-anal, but also non-sexual. We were very close, good companion, hug and sleep together but no intimate and passionate couplings. I needed more. Then again, i think i am the kind that needs anal even if i dont quite learn to relax and enjoy it yet. I still hope to find a husband who will be a good companion, good husband, good lover and good master.

Anyone looking for single top out there?

[Guest asperger]

partner and me, 12 years, regular sex (not like before, admittedly . . .), no anal, lots of cuddling, nipple play, fellatio and mutual jerking off. we have tried anal (both ways) but neither like it much, either ways. so, don t do that.

is it a 'real' sexual relationship? don t know, don t care. we enjoy each other s body, the sex and the intimacy. that s what matters to me.

so, yes, it is possible . . . like all else in a relationship, i guess it s about finding someone who wants the same thing.

[bigis4me]

A Friend of mine is in this type of relationship. He has been with his bf for about 3 yrs now. They do nearly everything together and he says that his bf would do anything for him and i do see them as always in love. But the hidden side of their perfect relationship is that they dont have sex at all for the last yr now. IS this normal for relationship to go this way and both become companions and sex is not important, But i do think what happens when they get horny , do they look outside for it or just do themselves.

Edited August 7, 2010 by bigis4me

[saint80]

well, lets say it this way.... my bf and i though attached for a while now, almost 8 mths, we have never engage in sex... though i am horny and the desired so much to have it.... i tend to feel guilty if i seek outside....unless its an open r/s, try ur best to remain faithful to ur partner...

at the most watch pxxn and jerk off non stop :thumb:

[astroboy1985]

well, lets say it this way.... my bf and i though attached for a while now, almost 8 mths, we have never engage in sex... though i am horny and the desired so much to have it.... i tend to feel guilty if i seek outside....unless its an open r/s, try ur best to remain faithful to ur partner...

at the most watch pxxn and jerk off non stop :thumb:

if no anal sex ok la. but normal sucking or mutual JO is ok ma

[Guest curious boi]

if no anal sex ok la. but normal sucking or mutual JO is ok ma

/

Juz curious how do you define Sex? BJ & HJ consider sex or not ?

I personallty find that when there is Anal Penetration then we call Sex.

[Guest Guest]

i find that this type of relationship will not last... the most they can only be good friend

[Guest alien]

Relationship without sex? Not even bj or hj, can meh?!

[Guest Saint]

i find that this type of relationship will not last... the most they can only be good friend

I agree with u. My bf and i happen to be attach for 8 months which is the same as saint80 and we did not have any sex. Recently I had started to go to sauna to release myself. What i feel is that without sex there will be a missing bond between the two. If i want to be celibrate, i might as well be a monk.

[olderchnchub]

There is a saying about sex within romantic relationships:

"When sex is there, it's only 10 percent of the whole picture. However, when it's not there, it's 90 percent of problems."

[subbtmchn73]

There is a saying about sex within romantic relationships:

"When sex is there, it's only 10 percent of the whole picture. However, when it's not there, it's 90 percent of problems."

HAHAHA so true. I have been in 2 relationships in the last 10 years. Both about 5 years each and both virtually sexless. That includes handjob, oral, or anal. Dont even mastrubate together much.

Become more like brothers. It often end up as open relationship later then finally i had to break it off. We are still good friends. Frankly i have not had a relationship where love, passion and sex is all in one. Wonder if that is a thing for the movie and stories only. Wonder if i am too greedy by wanting the perfect companion and sex partner.

But i sure will try. I have meet another guy recently and we spent 2 weeks almost every day together. It was so nice and comfortable with him. But when we sleep together, just nothing happen.

So i have to keep telling him, not going to happen. but i know he likes me a lot and i also do like him. May be i have been cursed.

[GachiMuchi]

There are basically 3 types of people:

1. Those who don't know what happen.

2. Those who wait for things to happen.

3. Those who makes things happen.

[subbtmchn73]

There are basically 3 types of people:

1. Those who don't know what happen.

2. Those who wait for things to happen.

3. Those who makes things happen.

So can i make things happen with you GachiMuchi?

[GachiMuchi]

But i sure will try. I have meet another guy recently and we spent 2 weeks almost every day together. It was so nice and comfortable with him. But when we sleep together, just nothing happen.

So i have to keep telling him, not going to happen. but i know he likes me a lot and i also do like him. May be i have been cursed.

Wow, you sure change track fast. So what happened to ur recently met guy of 2 weeks which u slept with and nothing happened? If you notice, I was referring to THAT relationship. Try making things happen with him instead of waiting for things to happen.

[subbtmchn73]

Wow, you sure change track fast. So what happened to ur recently met guy of 2 weeks which u slept with and nothing happened? If you notice, I was referring to THAT relationship. Try making things happen with him instead of waiting for things to happen.

Still keeping as good friend for now. Sometimes it is hard to make chemistry happen. Just like with my previous 2 ex bf, everything can seem right and comfortable, but just no spark and sexual chemistry. The harder we try to make it happen the more awkward it feels. Usually we also dont want that to spoil the friendship.

[Guest slinkYcaT]

I agree with u. My bf and i happen to be attach for 8 months which is the same as saint80 and we did not have any sex. Recently I had started to go to sauna to release myself. What i feel is that without sex there will be a missing bond between the two. If i want to be celibrate, i might as well be a monk.

Relationship that doesn't involve sex shd be classified as merely friendship in my opinion. Like, what's the point of having a bf if one has to resort to seek sex from other guys?

xoxo.

[Guest slinkYcaT]

Still keeping as good friend for now. Sometimes it is hard to make chemistry happen. Just like with my previous 2 ex bf, everything can seem right and comfortable, but just no spark and sexual chemistry. The harder we try to make it happen the more awkward it feels. Usually we also dont want that to spoil the friendship.

Ex-bf of 5 years yet there's no spark and sexual chemistry? That's not a relationship. More like a friendship or rather companionship.

xoxo.

[GachiMuchi]

Sometimes, spirits like red wine and Champagne with chocolates can do wonders in bring out the "chemistry" between people. You should try that sometime.

[Guest Ironrod]

There are basically 3 types of people:

1. Those who don't know what happen.

2. Those who wait for things to happen.

3. Those who makes things happen.

1. Green

2. Btms

3. Tops

That's why when you look for "partner" you need to be clear of the "roles".

Without sex there is no r/s ~ totally WASTE OF TIME.

[Guest GUEST]

But what happens to relationships where the sex starts to subside drastically because frankly speaking, the couple have been together for several years and the sex is no longer exciting?

Can such a relationship still exist as there is an emotional bond with each other? Is this what happens to str couples after they get married for say more than 10 years?

[Guest Milkycow]

Making sex exciting is not sole responsible of one party, the person who need to release the load or fulfill the lust... It's both party, both enjoy the process of being together... Sometimes some will just have the need to release but forgotten that they want their partner to enjoy as much as they themselves who initiate intimacy...

Just my share of some worthless thought...

Cheers

[Guest watch]

like what milkycow mentioned, it's not the responsibility of 1 party, takes 2 hands to clap to have sex. a suggestion would be to create the atmosphere, eg go for romantic dinner, book into nice hotel, go for a trip, etc. plus most importantly, there needs to be communication with your partner, need to talk it out with each other.

[Guest Milkycow]

Sex is part and parcel of a relationship... It differentiate the difference between companionship and relationship... Sex without love is just sex... Love without sex is nothing... Or rather sex is the by product of love...

What watch mentioned atmosphere play a role... Create a nice atmosphere... Perhaps a nude massage for your partner... I donno about it... But it works for me... Hee... Some scented candles... Dim lights... Relax mindset... An slowly get into business.. Kekekeke...

Sex is always in our mind... Try out different thing... An enjoy the process of being love.. Where there is skin to skin contact... Nothing but the naked truth of our body...

Hmm... Am I kinda out of point?? Sorry if I am...

Just another worthless thoughts of mine...

Cheers

[Guest Butted]

May i suggest that those in relationship without sex but only as companion....PLEASE GET A DOG INSTEAD !!!!

[irus1966]

1. Green

2. Btms

3. Tops

That's why when you look for "partner" you need to be clear of the "roles".

Without sex there is no r/s ~ totally WASTE OF TIME.

I completely agree with you. :thumb:

If both partners are versatile, that's the best!!!

Thats when both party can feel the LURRRVVE :clap:

[Guest Guest]

1. Green

2. Btms

3. Tops

That's why when you look for "partner" you need to be clear of the "roles".

Without sex there is no r/s ~ totally WASTE OF TIME.

Without sex there is no r/s ~ they only want to spend time.

Only when you had mind blowing sex then you realise it is a waste of time. Some people are afraid of sex because of the male female factor.

[Guest guest]

but i pay to have sex with other man,,,,i feel bad at first but ok now. just sex no love.

[Guest sigh]

Is it really possible to have a r/s without sex? I once fancied a guy and thought I was turned on by him. Indeed, I did get hard when we started fondling each other but as we continued, I realised the erection is not there anymore. I can jerk off when watching pxxn so I don't know what actually went wrong. A friend of mine said I may have 性冷感

If that's really the case, I'm wondering if it's actually possible to find someone who's not into sex.

[fab]

It is possible but it would be sad.

[Guest Butted]

But what happens to relationships where the sex starts to subside drastically because frankly speaking, the couple have been together for several years and the sex is no longer exciting?

Can such a relationship still exist as there is an emotional bond with each other? Is this what happens to str couples after they get married for say more than 10 years?

Sex kept couple together, whether in str8 or gay r/s.

If no emotion, just treat each other as sex-toy machine, otherwise quit the r/s and find someone else to ejaculate.

It is easier for gay r/s to dump each other unlike the marriage certificate (without expiry date) of str8 couple.

[Guest KL]

My bf n I have been together for 2 years. I m of high sex drive but his is low. We hv quarrelled over this issue several times and I can see that he is making an effort to improve our sex life. I told him why married couples ended up having a thrid party into their relationship n why some eventually part as either parties may not be able to satisfy the other.

Despite our effort we r still hving problem w our sex life and I end up having fb just to satisfy my needs... At times I feel very guilty but I can't help it... We still love each other and have even bought a condo together...

I really donno what I should do about it...wanted very much to ask him to allow me to hv a bf while we continue to be together...but doubt he will agree...

I fully agree that a r/s without sex is just a companionship...

[Guest j.pokkemon]

IMHO, good companionship tends to last much longer than relationships based on sex... in fact, if u understand a person and truly love him, sex becomes just an activity that in a matter of time, none of you can perform well.