Is Anal / Oral Sex A Must? Is Sex Important In A R/ship? + R/ship Without Sex Possible? (compiled)

[snowball]

anal is not a must if both party are not into it, but if one suddenly curious or love it, then thing may be more complicated in future...

[Tachyons]

I dont really go for anal sex so not fitting into top or bottom roles ... Instead I derive pleasure from kissing and hugging and have my nipples played with ... So there you go ... You aint the only one alone ... There are others out there like you ...

[xiandarkthorne]

I agree that anal sex is not a must. For 2 years, I had a Dad/Son relationship with a much younger man (because after some time, he accidentally called me "Pa" and it stuck) but refused to fxxk him because I always told him, "One day, you will find someone closer to your own age who will be more suitable for you. I think you should save your last bit of virginity for him."

Although my "son" always asked me to "Pa, poke my backside can or not?" (his words). I was not being unintentionally cruel as I truly believed that he would appreciate being able to give his final virginity to someone who would be with him much longer than me, because of the great differrence in our ages. The most I would ever do was fxxk between his legs.

We certainly had a lot of fun in other ways, however. We both liked nipple play a lot and one of our favourite positions was with him lying on top of me, his face on my chest so that he could suck and play with my nipples while I fxxked between his legs. As he put it, he liked to "soke papa eh leng"...it wasn't an easy position because you need a strong back and stomach muscles to be able to "pump" while lying on your back with another man's weight on your upper body, but it was enjoyable.

I think he would have been happy like that, as he often experienced an orgasm from his cock being rubbed between our bodies when we did it like that, but I refused to let him be passive. I always told him that he should learn to be a power bottom, and learn to enjoy having his own body pleasured by another man. Often, when it was my turn to "make him happy" I insisted on sucking him off slowly while I sucked and played with his nipples and licked his body. At first, he felt shy and couldn't get hard as he subconsciously felt that being a bottom, he should do all the sucking but slowly, I taught him to simply relax and enjoy the sensation of being pleasured.

Another favourite position was face to face, him sitting on my thighs so that I could play and suck his young nipples while I tickled his cock with my fingers until he couldn't tahan - or grip both our cocks together and masturbate us both at the same time. He liked that a lot, too, though one thing I never expected, after he understood that a bottom should be able to enjoy and do things he liked to a top man's body, was that he somehow developed a liking for biting my nipples. The cheeky fellow used to ask me, "Pain or not, Pa?"

But I was a bit smarter (and hornier) than him in that respect because I always asnwered, "You my boy-boy...a little bit of pain real man can tahan no problem. When my boy-boy like my leng so much, I shiok ma." He never took things too far and liked it just as much when I gently bit his nipples, too, so it was always mutually enjoyable.

As things turned out, he did eventually meet another younger guy closer to his own age and I was quite happy for him to find someone who could be with him until they both grew old together. They eventually moved away to another part of Malaysia so I haven't seen my "Son" for many years now, but I always pray that he is happy. And I'll always be here for him if he ever needs a shoulder to cry on.

That, I think, is one of the most important things about any relationship. He was almost a virgin when he came to me and I taught him not to be shy about himself and to let go of his inhibitions and enjoy the pleasure his own body could give him.

Edited August 17, 2011 by xiandarkthorne

[youngyoung]

Is sex really a necessity in a relationship?

I'm together with my partner for close to 3 years. Both of us are in our early 20s. He's in the uni & I'm out in the workforce already.

Idk if it's me but I felt something is lacking in our relationship. Like we ain't sexually close. Times when we meet, it's always outdoor, like going to the movies, having brunch/dinner, shopping or taking a stroll somewhere. Everything seems nice & perfect for us both... BUT we haven't had sex or anything sexual apart from kissing/hugging/holding of hands for quite some time already.

The last time we got close was during our 2nd anniversary night, where we booked a hotel room to celebrate the occasion, the closest we did was mutual JO & BJ, that's all. The last anal sex we had was probably a year back. He did mentioned that he didn't enjoy anal sex at all which I understand & perfectly fine with it.

But I'm just wondering if over time, due to the fact that place (our homes) are a restraint of us both leading to the lack of intimacy, will affect our r/s to any extent? Is there a surviving gay couple who survived on nil or low frequency physical touch out there even? Sigh.

Can fellow members out here enlighten me?

[Guest jeff]

I m so jealous of u for having such pure n sweet rs.u must treasure it.

[youngyoung]

It's not easy to keep the flame burning. Times & again I'd doubt if this is the r/s I wanted. Like I'll think IF he's actually fooling outside, or think to myself why there isn't any intimacy involved or things like that.

I kept questioning myself at times too. Sigh! *shake head*

[XiaoMessy]

I think it is!

It's where you feel connected (mind the pun).

[derryfawne]

Basing this on the idea that there are straight couples who stay together for years with the torch of chastity before hitting marriage, it's entirely possible to survive a relationship without sex.

Men do have biological wants, though; and it's depending on how much you can tame yours before you get frustrated. But relationship is really more than just sex; it's about trust, mutual support, caring, etc. After all, couples still manage to stay together years and decades after they have become sexually unproductive.

If you think these other factors are more than enough to make the relationship a keeper, then keep it.

[Guest Ironrod]

Guys being gays we must consider 3 factors:-

1) What is the difference between a friend and a bf? - because a friend can also go to the movies, having brunch/dinner, shopping or taking a stroll somewhere.

2) Temptation in this circle is everywhere - if I my bf doesn't give me sexual satisfaction, what's the point of having a bf?

3) Time is limited as a gay - you can spend 10-20 years sexless with a guy then in the end breakup but unlike str8 couples u get no gain. Most gay ppl after a LONG-TERM r/s tend to tell me , sorry no thanks I have enough of this illusion - r/s is just not for me.

Yet those whom yearn for long term r/s or act holy-moly are those whom never experience a real r/s or have 10-20 to spare.

My point is sex in a r/s is important - becos I sacrifice the whole forest for your love the least you can provide me is some physical comfort.

Unless my spouse is physically ill, sex is a requirement for me.

To be fair, attached couple should still hit the gym and make yourself as attractive as possible to your spouse.

A hot body always spice up a good relationship.

[Albatross]

I have asked this question many times as well as I am also facing a similar problem with my 3.5 years relationship. As I am of high sex drive but my BF is of low sex drive!

I came across this quote: "Sex is not a major part of a relationship but without sex it will be a major problem in a relationship!"

[snowball]

those that are in relationship that has lost the passion. If you enjoying full sex with your bf, no need to reply. Cause will just make me jealous and dont think it will help my case.

i know that it is not easy for you to bear with you, just hope that he will be " hot " one day, all the best.

Edited August 25, 2011 by snowball

[Prince+ve]

Well, i kinda want what you have. A relationship with no active lustzomgsexeachnight.

Just lotsa cuddling, kissing, time-to-time jerkoff but all the warm bromance with no need of penetration.

I dunno, to me it feels like cool mutual respect for each other as men and just pure, plain Love.

Then, when either finds a girl & wanna have a family, the other can support and love your partner who has become a husband/father.

Ain't it sweet?... well a little too flowery i guess but that's how i view men.

Again, I really like your current relationship.

PS: Of course if he doesn't have sex with you and have sex with other guys instead... well there goes my dreamy scenario.

Edited August 25, 2011 by Prince+ve

[snowball]

Well, i kinda want what you have. A relationship with no active lustzomgsexeachnight.

sex = anal sex? who told you that? if lots of cuddling, kissing, i don't think the TS will complain,

you are thinking too much, if your bf treat you like what TS in long term, you won't as cool as now.

[Guest jayy]

1) What is the difference between a friend and a bf? - because a friend can also go to the movies, having brunch/dinner, shopping or taking a stroll somewhere.

I agree with this, if I had a bf, I'd like sex to be one way we show how much we love each other. I don't need a bf for "bromance"-- I already have platonic guy friends to do that kinda stuff with.

[Prince+ve]

sex = anal sex? who told you that? if lots of cuddling, kissing, i don't think the TS will complain,

you are thinking too much, if your bf treat you like what TS in long term, you won't as cool as now.

Umm snowball I think you misunderstand. I was replying to the thread as a whole not to your post la.

I have no idea what's TS but yea i was refering to anal sex.

[snowball]

I was replying to the thread as a whole not to your post la...

if you refer to this thread then you won't say so. cos you just one sided thought that w/o anal sex ( that you dislike ) is awesome,

however did you really read carefully what the thread starter wrote?

sex died down completely.

Either no chemistry or we so close without sex that sex itself become taboo subject.

[Guest HELP]

me too... i am worry now... we r 25 year now.. HELP!!!

[snowball]

i can roughly feel, if one party want to have sex, his partner show totally not keen at all, is really hurt

[Prince+ve]

sex died down completely.

Either no chemistry or we so close without sex that sex itself become taboo subject.

Then sex died down completely. But we remain very comfortable together. Enjoy each other company. Almost dont need other friends and just being in 2 person world is enough for us.

Except when i am horny i just masturbate on my own. In case you suggest why not try something different in sex or seduce him etc. Tried ... not happening. Either no chemistry or we so close without sex that sex itself become taboo subject like with family members like that. So no saving the sex part.

I think you're the one with selective reading here. He said sex died yes but no where did he suspect his bf is cheating on him or anything. In fact they enjoy each other's comapany.

I'm merely comforting the poster that even without sex there can still be love and it's more treasuble that way.

Yes, my post has some of my preference in it but it still stays in context with the thread title so there is no problem.

If not, he gotta talk to his bf about it.

Seriously, dude I don't see what is your problem. It's like i stabbed you with a knife or something when i had no bad intentions at all especially towards you. Relax can?

Edited August 25, 2011 by Prince+ve

[r@in]

I have been in 2 relationships without sex. Right from beginning there was hardly any sex. I think because i wasnt a slut then, and believed that sex is not most important but getting along and spending time together is. So found someone i can click very well, get along. May be tried a bit of sex. Was not earth shattering. But still got together as couple. Then sex died down completely. But we remain very comfortable together. Enjoy each other company. Almost dont need other friends and just being in 2 person world is enough for us.

Except when i am horny i just masturbate on my own. In case you suggest why not try something different in sex or seduce him etc. Tried ... not happening. Either no chemistry or we so close without sex that sex itself become taboo subject like with family members like that. So no saving the sex part.

But am not getting younger and i am not sure if i want to continue and not experience falling passionately in love and sexually. I dream of that husband, the spark and that feeling of be fxxked by someone i love. But at the same time cant bare to breakup.

I hear about relationships after many years be it straight or gay so lose some passion but gain a companion. But may be i would be less itchy if i have had that honeymoon period for a few months. May be i would regardless, once passion is gone i will be itchy.

But i like to hear views from you guys about your experience. Especially from those that are in relationship that has lost the passion. If you enjoying full sex with your bf, no need to reply. Cause will just make me jealous and dont think it will help my case.

i must say i have the same experience with you and agree totally with what you are going through.

everyone is made differently and have their own individual needs, so who is to say that a relationship without sex can work for us? to a certain extent, it depends on a person's sex drive. if both have a low sex drive, then a relationship without sex is not a problem. but when both have different sex drives, something is bound to break. in addition, times have changed. just because our parents, or even forefathers, can live without sex for years does not mean we can or should do that. i am sure we all know how the liberation of societies have allowed women to enjoy sex compared to olden times. so, should we suppress our sexual needs just because we can? i beg to differ.

like you, i am in a decade long relationship where sex completely died down. but i love him so much that i cannot bear to break off with him. yet on the other hand, i seemed to have this deeper and increasing yearning for sex these days. much as i enjoy kissing, hugging, cuddling etc, it is just not enough. for me, a relationship without sex seems to be lacking in something. i am not getting young too and sometimes cannot help but dream of how different my life could be if i had been with a more sexually compatible partner. i can identify with the slut part that you mentioned. yes, we behaved very prim and proper even in bed, to the extent that i don't even moan when i enjoyed it. when i am slightly wild in bed, he would label me a slut. i was muted down all these years and can no longer unleash my wild side in front of him now. but yet, the "itchy" part of me wants to enjoy better sex and be fxxked by my partner. therein lies the dilemma.

maybe you can pm me and we can share our experiences further.

[derryfawne]

Guys being gays we must consider 3 factors:-

1) What is the difference between a friend and a bf? - because a friend can also go to the movies, having brunch/dinner, shopping or taking a stroll somewhere.

2) Temptation in this circle is everywhere - if I my bf doesn't give me sexual satisfaction, what's the point of having a bf?

3) Time is limited as a gay - you can spend 10-20 years sexless with a guy then in the end breakup but unlike str8 couples u get no gain. Most gay ppl after a LONG-TERM r/s tend to tell me , sorry no thanks I have enough of this illusion - r/s is just not for me.

Yet those whom yearn for long term r/s or act holy-moly are those whom never experience a real r/s or have 10-20 to spare.

My point is sex in a r/s is important - becos I sacrifice the whole forest for your love the least you can provide me is some physical comfort.

Just to provide an alternative point of view.

I agree that sex is an important thing in relationship, but I still think that there are many other important things in relationship; and sometimes these other things are so important that people are willing to put the sex part aside if need be.

Get into relationship with anyone, then tell him that you're with him only because of the sex... high chance is that they will be offended. Obviously, to many of us, to be someone's boyfriend is more than just to be his sex object. If you ask me, when I want someone, clearly there are other things about him that mean a lot to me; it can be emotional support, or that sense of comfort you have whenever you're with him, or those little neat touches of romantic within him... it sounds cheesy, but well it's there. I may have sexual desires about him too, but that's not the only thing that matters to me.

Because if you're willing to give up everything you can get from a relationship just because you're not getting the sex, well, what's the difference between a street gigolo and a boyfriend?

Edited August 27, 2011 by derryfawne

[Guest Ironrod]

Just to provide an alternative point of view.

I agree that sex is an important thing in relationship, but I still think that there are many other important things in relationship; and sometimes these other things are so important that people are willing to put the sex part aside if need be.

Get into relationship with anyone, then tell him that you're with him only because of the sex... high chance is that they will be offended. Obviously, to many of us, to be someone's boyfriend is more than just to be his sex object. If you ask me, when I want someone, clearly there are other things about him that mean a lot to me; it can be emotional support, or that sense of comfort you have whenever you're with him, or those little neat touches of romantic within him... it sounds cheesy, but well it's there. I may have sexual desires about him too, but that's not the only thing that matters to me.

Because if you're willing to give up everything you can get from a relationship just because you're not getting the sex, well, what's the difference between a street gigolo and a boyfriend?

So Mr Derryfawne how many years you have being attached?

When my current bf says he loved me 14 years ago, the first thing I told him was if sex doesn't work we not only won't be a couple but probably won't be friends anymore too.

I don't live in fairytale land where sex do not happen, to me I am just being realistic and clear that a r/s must value add to my life not just "in-name".

I don't need a title "attached" on my back when there is no sex, becos I get "emotional" support even from my mom, sis, best buddy and my boss of all sorts. What I really need "emotionally" in bed from my bf is doing stuff which others can only imagine.

Perhaps your mindset if u think r/s in terms of 5-6 years even but try thinking a r/s in terms of 10-30 years.

Your parents maybe can survive without sex becos they have devoted all their time towards their kids but we are gay men, and I don't live in a fantasy world. Even in gym I get ppl willing to suck my cock for free, so what makes me faithful is becos I have something at home where nobody else can give me.

Yeah, i treat my spouse with respect in public but in bed I like him as my whore and fxxk him hard like one. Is there a problem?

[derryfawne]

So Mr Derryfawne how many years you have being attached?

When my current bf says he loved me 14 years ago, the first thing I told him was if sex doesn't work we not only won't be a couple but probably won't be friends anymore too.

I don't live in fairytale land where sex do not happen, to me I am just being realistic and clear that a r/s must value add to my life not just "in-name".

I don't need a title "attached" on my back when there is no sex, becos I get "emotional" support even from my mom, sis, best buddy and my boss of all sorts. What I really need "emotionally" in bed from my bf is doing stuff which others can only imagine.

Perhaps your mindset if u think r/s in terms of 5-6 years even but try thinking a r/s in terms of 10-30 years.

Your parents maybe can survive without sex becos they have devoted all their time towards their kids but we are gay men, and I don't live in a fantasy world. Even in gym I get ppl willing to suck my cock for free, so what makes me faithful is becos I have something at home where nobody else can give me.

Yeah, i treat my spouse with respect in public but in bed I like him as my whore and fxxk him hard like one. Is there a problem?

There's no problem about that. Like I said, I was simply trying to provide an alternative POV. Sex happens in my world, but other things happen too. And clearly, for me, sex is not the only thing in this world that's worth the sweat.

You do agree that buddies in gym can provide you with sex. But you think your boyfriend can provide you with a level of sexual satisfaction that no one else can provide. Well, some others think that they can get emotional support from people around them, but their couple can provide them with emotional support to such a great extent far beyond what they can get from their usual friends.

I'm not saying if anyone's POV is more correct than the other. It's just that people seek different things in life; like you said, it's a different world. You dubbed it a 'fantasy' because they're not what you're seeking, but to some others, it's very much real to them.

[happy.99]

it is complicated. even in a straight relationship, man or woman may seek sex outside without the knowledge of their partners.

but the most important, you should know in your heart. the reason why.

[Guest Curiousnazrul]

Well, I actually subscribe to the notion of a sexless relationship because I personally feel that sex is not really important. There are many schools of thought pertaining to such an issue but it's always been my opinion that a relationship does not need to be based on sex to last. This may sound silly but I have always envied the sexless relationships my straight friends have had and want to emulate such a situation for myself. Had lots of sex as a single guy and honestly speaking, sex doesn't impress me that much anymore. Whatever feelings sex affords is ephemeral and will not last whereas a relationship based on mutual feelings, even one without any sexual intimacy, can last for a long time.

[Freedom711]

Seriously, I respect all sort of requirements and needs that suit both parties in a relationship even to those who felt better in a sexless relationship. Personally, sex to me is a form of bonding. Its a binding of emotions, feeling and physical between 2 persons. To me, sex with love isnt just pure physical pleasure. Its also abt understanding each other on a different level. So thats for me...I can't imagine a relationship w/o sex... and of course whats for me isnt universal. As long as both parties are content and happy, they can do wadever they want.

[Guest BR]

Seriously, I respect all sort of requirements and needs that suit both parties in a relationship even to those who felt better in a sexless relationship. Personally, sex to me is a form of bonding. Its a binding of emotions, feeling and physical between 2 persons. To me, sex with love isnt just pure physical pleasure. Its also abt understanding each other on a different level. So thats for me...I can't imagine a relationship w/o sex... and of course whats for me isnt universal. As long as both parties are content and happy, they can do wadever they want.

If you really really love somebody, you feel that strong urge to be as intimate as possible with him so as to consummate your feelings of being very, very special. It's very hard to describe this longing and dreamy feeling. The most intimate expression of feelings between 2 persons is sex. That naked togetherness and doing very private things that you won't want to do with any other persons no matter close friends or family.And the most intimate sex is copulation...that feeling of giving everything to that special someone that no money can buy; you can buy anal sex with a MB but it will never feel as giving or dreamy. That feeling of being linked physically and spiritually is damn intoxicating. That embrace...you'll forget that the world exist.That is why the intensity of love is so powerful and so the intensity of failing in love can be so devastating. If you don't feel these intense emotions then you have not really been in love yet, you just think you are and if you see others with this intensity, you'll fail to understand why and even dismiss that it is not important. Until it really happened to you, nobody can tell you about that feeling or say you are wrong. Many men and women went through life without that and still feel fine. What you don't know will not hurt you.

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[TheVisitors]

If this post was " Relationship without sex" was changed to Relaionshp without Intimacy", I think it would had cleared alot of misconstruction, and pathing for more further insights and discussions.

Sex is just sex. This is all that you get from the act of this primordial motion.

Your sexual senses are heightened to achieve your climax. After climax, we each go back our own individual world, and no one talks about feelings, emotions dreams or even love.

It is as basic as such.

In a relationship, sex is of a different level. In fact, the quality and the diection of your relationship, can only goes as far as how honest you are between each other, what issues you have inside unesolved,and how much you want to contribue in your relationship, without so much of personal gains for yourself.

Thus if a relationship is based on materlal exhanges, or if one does all the giving, the other, all the taking, so don't blame anyone if it can only go as far as it can , due to your intents and beliefs.

In any relationship, all couples do need their private moments of intimacy, with goes beyond sex.

The keyword here is the deep interconnection with each other's inner being, which is why Karmasutra describes it as the "intertwining of two seperate entities, in one wholeness totality, bathed in the supreme senses of intoxication and energy"

In this totality, it is like two life force fields, merged in a beautiful one, expoding with all colours, all senses, all good feelings , relinqushing all doubts, but pure pasion.

Thus it is through sex, couples can explore each other;s bodies without any apprehension. It is through sex, you can explore each other;s thoughts, feelings, etc even more.

Sex was created for human to explore their own self worth and all the goodness inside. Not only theirs , but their lovers. In any healthy relationship, both mirrors each other to evolve .Sex was also created by the Divine, to explore and enjoy the climax of their own life force.

Remember, it was through this very beautiful life force, that all life was created, all thoughts and things inspired.

Infacts sex has being proven to be nature's most natural form of theraphy for the mind body soul. The constant release of nitric oxide with the endorphins, are nature's most powerflul antioxidant, anti-cancereous and anti-aging properties.

People who do have constant healthy sex, looks recharged, radiant, and so much younger for their age.

You can tell that when a couple have a very healthy sex life. They do tend to omit a sense of radiant aura around them.

But sadly for most people, as the years go by, things change and people do change. Thus so is their sex life and passion, that soon loses its lustre, glow and aura. It is through this interconnection , that you can tell that the passion is dying, sex becomes mechanical and a couple faces an imminent drifting away. This drifting away sounds to me like a faint horning from a far distant ship, somewhere out there in the sea in, darkness.

It is through this interconnection that I can sense, the presence of another being, meaning if my boyfriend, have had sex with someone else behind my back.

Thus there is a saying, you can know a person pretty well, when you have sex with him.

But for those fortunate relationships, who survived the tests of time, and when your testosterone naturaly dminshes, so will be need for sex, There will be more intangible yet important elements, such as understanding, love, memories of the good yester-years, joy , companionship, true friend.ship,and maybe spirituality, would have replaced the sex of the yester -year youths.

Thus sex has a very important function in any relationship, may it be straight or gay.

Otherwise, you might as well remain as platonic friends.

[suckling_pig]

If this post was " Relationship without sex" was changed to Relaionshp without Intimacy", I think it would had cleared alot of misconstruction, and pathing for more further insights and discussions.

Actually "Relationship without Sex" does make plenty of sense, there are plenty of long term couples out there who consider themselves emotionally bonded still, but do not have sex (anymore). They may share love and affection, but find sexual release from other people.

Doesn't it all boil down to what we perceive as a "relationship"? Does a emotional and practical bond (loving each other and being companions) count as a relationship? Or does the relationship necessarily have to contain an element of physical love?

SP

[Uji]

I had been living with my partner for 15 years without any sex! He is 60 years old next year & I'm 41 year old. I suppose when a person is getting older, he will treasure more on companionship rather than sex! I wonder if U guy agreed what I said?

[TheVisitors]

Actually "Relationship without Sex" does make plenty of sense, there are plenty of long term couples out there who consider themselves emotionally bonded still, but do not have sex (anymore). They may share love and affection, but find sexual release from other people.

Doesn't it all boil down to what we perceive as a "relationship"? Does a emotional and practical bond (loving each other and being companions) count as a relationship? Or does the relationship necessarily have to contain an element of physical love?

SP

People who stay together after being together for so long, and yet have sex with other people besides or, other than their love ones, actually use this term "emotionally bonded" to deceive themselves that they still love each other.

Because when they are no longer young and have the looks anymore, it is abit risky, to leave what they have established all those years, to go for someone , esp if the new target is younger. This is why there are many stories of third parties.

When looks and youth are no longer your assets, you still stick to your long term partner for security, not for emotional bond.

The keyword here is fear. Fear of the unknown, thus I rather stick to this known, very afraid to live a life I now really want, or with someone new, fearing uncertainties in this new venture, yet I am not honest enough to admit there is there is no more real passion anymore, And my partner's body and looks does not excite or turn me on anymore. Nor do I turn him on anymore.

This is the reason why some couples engage an outsider for threesome to spice up their meaningless sex life, , or getting involve in swing parties, hoping that such acts can really "bond" their relationships.

If your relationship was really based on love, understanding, and true bond through the years of your passion and intimacy, surely you don't need an external cataylst to boost what you yourself fail , and lacking in.

I have being in quite a number of threesomes etc, and once upon a time, roled the third party, so I can read the messages they are telling me, or readily admitted by themselves.

As one gets older, one should get wiser, being honest with oneself, instead of living in your own self denial.

Because, humans are such clever creatures, inventing colourful terms and facade, to describe themselves otherwise, when they know, such terms are merely facades, covering and hidding their own fears, self denial and their dark shadows

Edited August 31, 2011 by TheVisitors

[suckling_pig]

I had been living with my partner for 15 years without any sex! He is 60 years old next year & I'm 41 year old. I suppose when a person is getting older, he will treasure more on companionship rather than sex! I wonder if U guy agreed what I said?

What you said makes alot of sense. I think Hollywood and popular culture perpetuates it, but very often many people confuse the different kinds of love. It is perfectly possible to love someone without being sexually active any more. Many older couples love each other with a depth of emotion and experience that the younger ones cannot appreciate because they haven't been there yet.

Too often they think that the infatuation and sexual lust is all there is. To them after the lust is gone, it is no longer a relationship. To them the relationship is now a lie.

My partner and I have been together 21 years. We let each other have fun outside. In fact it creates a much fuller life experience for both us. It is sure better than feeling repressed and cooped up. At the end of the day, we know that we are still devoted to each other, and come back and share our experiences and the people we met. We are both secure enought to know that neither of us wants a new relationship with all the fights and arguments and jealousies and insecurities.

We see each other everyday, for an average of 4 to 6 hours a day. I know that when either of us are on our death beds, the other will be there.

Who will tell me that this is a not a relationship, or some kind of invented sophistry, or some kind of lie?

SP

[Phil]

What you said makes alot of sense. I think Hollywood and popular culture perpetuates it, but very often many people confuse the different kinds of love. It is perfectly possible to love someone without being sexually active any more. Many older couples love each other with a depth of emotion and experience that the younger ones cannot appreciate because they haven't been there yet.

Too often they think that the infatuation and sexual lust is all there is. To them after the lust is gone, it is no longer a relationship. To them the relationship is now a lie.

My partner and I have been together 21 years. We let each other have fun outside. In fact it creates a much fuller life experience for both us. It is sure better than feeling repressed and cooped up. At the end of the day, we know that we are still devoted to each other, and come back and share our experiences and the people we met. We are both secure enought to know that neither of us wants a new relationship with all the fights and arguments and jealousies and insecurities.

We see each other everyday, for an average of 4 to 6 hours a day. I know that when either of us are on our death beds, the other will be there.

Who will tell me that this is a not a relationship, or some kind of invented sophistry, or some kind of lie?

SP

Sincere congratulations!

[Guest Ironrod]

What you said makes alot of sense. I think Hollywood and popular culture perpetuates it, but very often many people confuse the different kinds of love. It is perfectly possible to love someone without being sexually active any more. Many older couples love each other with a depth of emotion and experience that the younger ones cannot appreciate because they haven't been there yet. Too often they think that the infatuation and sexual lust is all there is. To them after the lust is gone, it is no longer a relationship. To them the relationship is now a lie. My partner and I have been together 21 years. We let each other have fun outside. In fact it creates a much fuller life experience for both us. It is sure better than feeling repressed and cooped up. At the end of the day, we know that we are still devoted to each other, and come back and share our experiences and the people we met. We are both secure enought to know that neither of us wants a new relationship with all the fights and arguments and jealousies and insecurities. We see each other everyday, for an average of 4 to 6 hours a day. I know that when either of us are on our death beds, the other will be there. Who will tell me that this is a not a relationship, or some kind of invented sophistry, or some kind of lie? SP

Mr Piggy, your key line is "We let each other have fun outside." that is how both of u handle the r/s which is fine.

Nobody can judge you by it.

Some ppl doesn't provide sex and expect the partner to go without sex that kind of r/s is HELL and that is pure lie too.

Hope you see the difference.

[Guest guest]

Anyway, what is being compromised in a relationship, especially if it is long one and if worked for both parties, it should be fine.

However, i still feel that having Sex with yr partner is more healthy than none at all..It comes in a package in a r/s.. though it would be less as both advances in age but if sexless would be weird.

As for Sex outside, its definitely a NO.. then why in a r/s in the first place..what you need is a flat mate to take care of one another other than SEX..

[Guest Guest]

Some ppl doesn't provide sex and expect the partner to go without sex that kind of r/s is HELL and that is pure lie too.

LOLOL!!!

[suckling_pig]

Mr Piggy, your key line is "We let each other have fun outside." that is how both of u handle the r/s which is fine.

Nobody can judge you by it.

Some ppl doesn't provide sex and expect the partner to go without sex that kind of r/s is HELL and that is pure lie too.

Hope you see the difference.

Ironrod, Touche.

I know it is much easier to say, than to do; especially in the heat of the moment of an argument. But really the best thing to do is to have a calm open hearted conversation about one's needs. If approached in this manner, I find some (certainly not all) people will reciprocate by being rational also. He may very well be relieved that his partner brought up the sensitive matter and they can now discuss it like mature adults. If the other party is not able to discuss it calmly and rationally, then I can offer no advice, other than to state the obvious: every body has the responsibility for his own health and happiness. The only person that keeps us in a unhappy relationship is ourselves.

But if the other party is able to discuss it maturely, there are many avenues for relief. For example if they are secure with each other emotionally, one partner may agree to allow the other to have some kind of release. It can range from massages with happy endings to anonymous sex encounters to a third party. There is no foolproof method, and there is always a risk that the partner may find a new beau and decide to end the current relationship. But really what option is there? We cannot keep our lovers forever in chains in the dungeons of our hearts can we?

What is that saying ?..."set the bird free, and if comes back to you, it will always be yours. If it does not come back, it was never yours in the first place". Is there truth in this saying? I think if we search our hearts we will find the truth

SP

Edited August 31, 2011 by suckling_pig

[waterballoon]

Even in gym I get ppl willing to suck my cock for free, so what makes me faithful is becos I have something at home where nobody else can give me. Yeah, i treat my spouse with respect in public but in bed I like him as my whore and fxxk him hard like one. Is there a problem?

Wow. I was nodding my head with all of your posts until I came to this.

Sorry but you're making yourself sound like those people who go like, "please remember and know how much I've to sacrifice just to be with you." Um emotional blackmail much? I don't know about your bf but if I were on the receiving end, that would very well come across as a threat.

A bf, is not someone you hold onto to remind yourself and him how much you have to lose/sacrifice in this "non-fantasy" world.

That being said, i still agree with your viewpoint - sex is important in a romantic relationship.

Why? Because:

1) it's probably that one distinct thing that separates a romantic relationship from every other kind of relationship.

2) when you have sex because you're horny, you feel a satisfaction on your body. yeah nice orgasms, 10m cumshots yada yada, but when you have sex with someone you love... with that person you know you can really fall back on, it's not just sex anymore. it's making love. and that, is a whole new level.

In any case, there's no right or wrong; every reply here is a mere reflection of everyone's thoughts on a relationship and what constitutes to one. Remember, human relationships are so sought after and beautiful because there is no ab-solute (why the fxxk does the forum censor this word?!) answer.

Therefore, the most important thing is to know what you want, and to reach a consensus between you and your bf. Whatever is a relationship to 2 people is probably none of the world's business but theirs.

So to ironrod, I'll apologize first-off because I was obviously allowing my personal perspective into your relationship, which is rude to say the least, but I've to voice it out.

Edited August 31, 2011 by waterballoon

[hiaoshu]

this is mostly in response to subbtmchn73's original post at the beginning of this topic, about a relationship without sex.

you most certainly can have a relationship without sex, but the secret to a long lasting and strong relationship is communication. if there is any topic, sex, money, parents, irritating habits, any topic that is "taboo" then you really should question how deep is your relationship.

if you really are as comfortable together as you say, why can't you talk about sex? in a healthy relationship the two parties will talk to each other and try to accommodate and understand each other. if you want to save your relationship, talking would be a good start. if you are not used to talking about such sensitive topics then do make the effort to create the right kind of atmosphere for a healthy dialogue to take place. a space you both feel safe and comfortable in. maybe some soft relaxing music in the background. soft, indirect lights, and maybe even a drinkable glass of wine. "dear... can i talk to you about something that;s been on my mind...."

and then there is intimacy, which i would say if more important than just physical sex. again this is being comfortable with each other. loving your partner's unique shape. loving his smile. loving his smell. the sound he makes as he comes through the door. being comfortable with each other when you are looking your most "chui". knowing when to give a little massage or a foot rub. or knowing when only a cup of horlicks will do. looking after each other when one is sick. not being embarrassed to burp or even fart in front of each other. being able to hold hands while watching movies or TV. washing each other's hair in the shower. scrubbing each other's back. hugging each other to sleep at night.

uh i think you should get the idea.

my own belief is that the toe-curling, stomach wrenching, scream out loud passionate sex will diminish (in frequency if not in intensity?) as the years progress but if anything the intimacy, the instinctive understanding of and affection for each other should deepen and increase with time.

[Guest Ironrod]

So to ironrod, I'll apologize first-off because I was obviously allowing my personal perspective into your relationship, which is rude to say the least, but I've to voice it out.

LOL Waterballoon, boh bian I am MCP from the core.

You guys want real man must also realize real man are bastards lol

I am not afraid to admit I am a bastard when come to sexual demands but I am like any real man willing to bear the responsibility of a r/s.

Talk is cheap, in the end of the day - its' your life, your time and your own youth.

Just don't come forum to cry father cry mother if u choose the path you walk.

"Every policy comes with a price tag, if you choose it are you willing to pay the price?"

In this forum, everyone has the right to say their view - so I will never get offended unless you personally attack me or my loved ones.

[waterballoon]

You guys want real man must also realize real man are bastards lol

Heh, I disagree. I don't care what the world thinks a "real man" is, because that's something for me to define for myself

But anyway, I respect your viewpoint & it's nice to know you're gonna take up the responsibility like a man too. But anyway I think it's fine to make sexual demands to your bf... it should be a fun thing (did I just say that...? ugh probably turned off many potential dates with this bahaha).. just not when it comes across as being a threat/emotional blackmail ^^

[lonely57]

Just wondering how long into a relationship will you be before you would consider to have sex.

To me Im not really keen on having sex in a relationship so Im not sure is there's something wrong with me or is it normal.

What do you guys think?

[TannedKE]

Quoted by professor GOH "making love helps to strengthen bonds"

Having sex will allow you to feel his presence in you and can also chat during sex Hahahaha

By the way, I am professor GOH

[TheAntisen]

It depends on how you see sex. If you think it is just a physical act where two people please each other, then you're likely to do it early on. If you're apprehensive about it, then I think that you think of it as something intimate and special. In that case, you should wait until you get a clearer picture of the relationship or at least until you find yourself comfortable with your partner.

Just don't feel rushed, or forced in to it. However you should at least try to break that barrier so that the two of you can connect at a more intimate level.

[snowball]

Love is not just all about sex, but is a part of it, if sex is not what you wanted, then what is the use of being attached and having a lover, a good buddy / friend is all you need. if you truly love someone , sex is part of expressing your love, it should be beautiful ...

it does not mean you must have sex daily or weekly, cos it should come naturally ...

no worry, there is someone out there just like you, understand what each other needs is also part of love.

Edited March 28, 2012 by snowball

[GachiMuchi]

Just wondering how long into a relationship will you be before you would consider to have sex.

To me Im not really keen on having sex in a relationship so Im not sure is there's something wrong with me or is it normal.

What do you guys think?

Firstly are you very young or very old? Most youngsters below 12 yo will hate sex. But, by the time they reach puberty, they will desire sex more and more as they age. These are all part and parcel of growing up.

If you are like u mentioned in your nick, 57yo, maybe your libido is down and you are going thru andropause, then, maybe, you may not crave for sex. but, most normal healthy male will want to have sex.

So the answer is yes, something must be wrong with you, you better go and see a doctor about your "condition". Not a GP, but a psychiatrist. There might be some childhood trauma or things that happened to you in the past that made you who you are now.

[Guest aladdin]

To me Im not really keen on having sex in a relationship so Im not sure is there's something wrong with me or is it normal. What do you guys think?

Quite normal in parents-children relationship, brother-sister relationship, dog-owner relationship, gay-lesbian friend relationship. All these no need to worry about sex and still have relationship. You have option to choose any of those.

[alien]

Thought sex is part of the relationship?

[Guest guest]

Just wondering how long into a relationship will you be before you would consider to have sex. To me Im not really keen on having sex in a relationship so Im not sure is there's something wrong with me or is it normal. What do you guys think?

Please dont ask this kinda intelli question..or are you jus trying to be funny?? Waste of time when ppl jus open to read what you have posted.. Please be mindful..

Like what GM said.. what's the point of going into a r/s if sex if not involved.. its part and parcel and also a package.

[AidenKingston]

Just wondering how long into a relationship will you be before you would consider to have sex.

To me Im not really keen on having sex in a relationship so Im not sure is there's something wrong with me or is it normal.

What do you guys think?

I don really want sex that much in a relationship . Because sex doesnt mean love .. If he only wanna have sex wif u that means he only interested in your body or money .