Discussion on Married Gay Men (有妇之夫) Whom Hv Gay Sex + An Open Letter to Married Men + Married men's stress & struggles (compiled)

[kee_hsiao]

What sort of activities/acts do you think a married man with same sex attractions can do that wouldn't be considered as infidelity?

alot! go dinner. go marathons. go gym. lol

[kee_hsiao]

Well, on Sunday, 2 December 2012, there's another big yearly event - Standard Chartered Marathon Run. Hope this year will be clean as a whistle, no mishaps...

yup, I'm doing SCM as well.

ya man, hopefully it's a safe run.

[tinkymale]

You be doing the Newton 30 km run this Sunday?

[kee_hsiao]

You be doing the Newton 30 km run this Sunday?

this coming Sunday? nope. I'm doing addidas king of the road.

[rockexcel]

Read an interesting article from Yahoo...

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/7-surprising-things-make-live-longer-080021704.html

7 surprising things that make you live longer.

Getting married

If you’re lucky enough to have found the guy or girl of your dreams, research suggests that taking the next step and getting married could add years on to your lifespan. Being in love has many reported health benefits. In fact, researchers at the University of Rochester reported that a good marriage can be as beneficial for your heart as quitting smoking, maintaining a healthy weight and reducing high blood pressure. Multiple research studies and statistics have backed this up, showing that those who are married live longer than singletons, generally due to the fact that they have a higher income and experience less social isolation.

Believe it or not?

[Guest Bible ray]

...

Edited October 29, 2012 by Bible ray

[GymStock]

Read an interesting article from Yahoo...

http://sg.news.yahoo...-080021704.html

7 surprising things that make you live longer.

Getting married

If you’re lucky enough to have found the guy or girl of your dreams, research suggests that taking the next step and getting married could add years on to your lifespan. Being in love has many reported health benefits. In fact, researchers at the University of Rochester reported that a good marriage can be as beneficial for your heart as quitting smoking, maintaining a healthy weight and reducing high blood pressure. Multiple research studies and statistics have backed this up, showing that those who are married live longer than singletons, generally due to the fact that they have a higher income and experience less social isolation.

Believe it or not?

See the word... good marriage.... I think probably 9 out of 10 marriages can be good. The stress that we have to go through at times is unbelievable. Not sure how is that going to add on to my life span.

[GymStock]

Anyway, I need some advise on 2 things... I will write one at a time.

Getting a Tattoo - I would like to get a tattoo for myself on my shoulder. My wife has approved it. However the tricky part is my 7yo daughter is against it vehemently. I really feel like telling it is my body, I have the right to do what I want. But considering the fact that she might use that on me when she is in her teens makes me keeps quiet. I tried to talk to her about it and find out why she is against it. She just keep saying is not nice.

So anyone has experience anything similar and can advice me how do I talk to my gal about this and let her allow me to do my tattoo.

Do ask me why I wanna do it now. Just consider me a very late boomer in being rebellious ok? Thanks.

[GymStock]

The next thing that I need some advice on -

Recently, my wife just complained to me that I have not touched her for the longest time. Despite I travelled often, but I have not really had sex with her for sometime. She keeps saying am I no longer interested in her and that she is no longer attractive to me anymore.

I have thought about it hard and think what really happened... all I can say is...

Yes it is true that I am interested in men, but it does not really lower my interests in my wife. But thinking back it all started when we have our daughter. After giving birth to her, my wife has had no interests in sex at all. she had shown signs to push me away. and even if she does it, it is like, she is a dead fish. no feelings, no signs of enjoyment.

want to do it in the middle of the night, she will say, "aiyo, disturbing my sleep, I need to look after the baby you know" or "pls lah, go and sleep" or "can you please use your hand?" and many more.

5yrs has gone and only in the recent 1yrs she became active again because she now wants to have a 2nd child. But after 5yrs of her rejecting and showing me signs that she is not interested... I am now not interested anymore. Not just physically but emotionally. 5yrs of being pushed away, 5yrs of being looked down upon (when my biz went through rock bottom/valley time), 5yrs of her telling me that I am not as important as my daughter... I am not sexually interested in her anymore.

In fact this morning we had a fight. Supposed to go office together via public (as car sent for repair) thought it would be nice for both of us. Then she wanted to sleep in late, but I told her that I want to go office early. Then just before we leave the house for a very small matter, she threw a big tantrum and walked off on her own. Both are husband and wife but we walk as if we dont know each other. At the train station, she said to you "you go first and stopped following me, I'll take the next train." I was like WTF?!

What was supposed to be a beautiful morning has just turned really bad for us or for me. Is this kind of behaviour attractive to me? No way. much as I am a guy, I am attracted by sight, but emotionally I need to be attracted too. I seriously feel like walking out from the whole marriage... seriously, if it is not for my daughter I would really tell her that I want to call it quit. I think I have enough of this kind of behaviour, this type of emotional abuse by her.

Sorry for my ranting in here... just need to get it out of my chest...

I'm not sure if we should see a counsellor, when it involves sex, I find i hard to talk about it...

[kee_hsiao]

Anyway, I need some advise on 2 things... I will write one at a time.

Getting a Tattoo - I would like to get a tattoo for myself on my shoulder. My wife has approved it. However the tricky part is my 7yo daughter is against it vehemently. I really feel like telling it is my body, I have the right to do what I want. But considering the fact that she might use that on me when she is in her teens makes me keeps quiet. I tried to talk to her about it and find out why she is against it. She just keep saying is not nice.

So anyone has experience anything similar and can advice me how do I talk to my gal about this and let her allow me to do my tattoo.

Do ask me why I wanna do it now. Just consider me a very late boomer in being rebellious ok? Thanks.

woah! v late boomer yo! I'm also thinking of getting a tattoo before I have a child. just got married and still have time to do all these.

but for ur case, I'm not quite sure if it is a good idea as u will need to be a role model for ur daughter.

perhaps u might wanna weigh the seriousness to her future character building and decide.

[kee_hsiao]

I'm not sure if we should see a counsellor, when it involves sex, I find i hard to talk about it...

yea understand. it will be hard to talk abt sex with someone u dunno.

anyway, if u dun have a child, I'll say fxxk this marriage and move on. this lady is not the right fit for u.

but now that u have a daughter, I'll say hold on to this. maybe find a time and talk to her nicely. discuss abt this sex thingy. she has her needs and I'm quite sure u wldnt want her to sleep outside with other men.

maybe she's just throwing her 小姐脾气 and hope that you will comfort her like what you used to do when you both were alot younger before marriage.

cheers.

[rockexcel]

As the old chinese saying, "The wisest magistrate would also find it difficult to judge and advise family matters!". Cool it off for the time being as quarrels in front of children projects resentment not only on both parents but even the kid's growth. I know it is easily said than done.

I was brought up by my stingy and violent father who always quarrelled and hit my mum and me which somehow gave me a phoebia of getting married but somehow I managed to overcome that negative feeling and swore that it would not happen to my children on what I had gone through.

About that tattoo - may I know why do you need a permanent mark on your body even after death? If that is for fun, then there are alot more fun things to do; if it is for love, well it is in the heart not on the body.

Being husband and wife, father and mother, blame it on life, blame it on fate, but present and future living must go on! There are no direct answers right or wrong. It is up to both parties. For me, marriage life is about give and take - I give, she takes...

[kee_hsiao]

marriage life is about give and take - I give, she takes...

ROFL!!! I'm just newly wed, so life is still alot easier now. can't tell for the future though. but yea, it's a give and take situation.

[kee_hsiao]

marriage life is about give and take - I give, she takes...

ROFL!!! I'm just newly wed, so life is still alot easier now. can't tell for the future though. but yea, it's a give and take situation.

[GymStock]

HI Kee Hisao - on the matter of the tattoo - I know the impact that it may have on her thus may have to put this off till later when I managed to convince her.

Hi Rockexcel - It is the rebellious side of me (as mentioned v late boomer) that wants to do it. Being a good boy for too long. But it is just on my shoulder with those tribal tattoo which tends to enhance the muscular arms that I have trained hard for. haha. Vanity, I admit and I am guilty of.

[GymStock]

On my marriage... I know there is no definite and solid solution to it. I mess my bed, so I have to live with it. That is why I am in this stage of "how I wish I could turn back time"...

I just wish more brothers in here would speak up or shared their journeys with their wife in here. the struggles that they have. I'm pretty sure some of us can identify the pain and the struggles.

Rockexcel - On the note that marriage is give and takes... u give, she takes. Funny as it may sound, and I am not sure how long have you been married. But I depleted my supplies. I got nothing to give anymore. I have given in to her too much. Given in to her tantrums, temperaments and nonsense. Last night, after collecting the car, she was screaming her lungs out at me. Saying how I am unappreciative of her, giving her looks that make her feel small, how she has sacrificed her career to help me in my biz, how she helped me looked after our daughter that I can be free to do what I want to do in my biz and travel around often... all seems so legit... but what is underneath all her frustrations? I have no idea... maybe because I have not touched her... maybe she needs to go back to work in a big firm...

Call me a jerk or something, I do hope that she will fall for someone outside, and that would give me the legit reasons to divorce her... at least the guilt is not on me.

[frendlee]

Yes it is true that I am interested in men, but it does not really lower my interests in my wife. But thinking back it all started when we have our daughter. After giving birth to her, my wife has had no interests in sex at all. she had shown signs to push me away. and even if she does it, it is like, she is a dead fish. no feelings, no signs of enjoyment.

want to do it in the middle of the night, she will say, "aiyo, disturbing my sleep, I need to look after the baby you know" or "pls lah, go and sleep" or "can you please use your hand?" and many more.

5yrs has gone and only in the recent 1yrs she became active again because she now wants to have a 2nd child. But after 5yrs of her rejecting and showing me signs that she is not interested... I am now not interested anymore. Not just physically but emotionally. 5yrs of being pushed away, 5yrs of being looked down upon (when my biz went through rock bottom/valley time), 5yrs of her telling me that I am not as important as my daughter... I am not sexually interested in her anymore.

...

I'm not sure if we should see a counsellor, when it involves sex, I find i hard to talk about it...

Hi Gymstock,

This is hard. There are some girls who think sex is just for procreation.

Sounds like your wife is one of them.

You have to tell her how you feel. Tell her that you feel like you're unimportant to her.

When she asks why you feel that way that's the opportunity to say the above things: all the rejections for spontaneous sex, her lack of interest in it, her disinterest while doing the act, etc.

Maybe she just needs to realize how important it is to you.

Once you get the conversation going, on your part you can ask why she doesn't seem to enjoy it. Does she experience discomfort during the act. Maybe it's painful for her.

Open the communication lines.

[frendlee]

Anyway, I need some advise on 2 things... I will write one at a time.

Getting a Tattoo - I would like to get a tattoo for myself on my shoulder. My wife has approved it. However the tricky part is my 7yo daughter is against it vehemently. I really feel like telling it is my body, I have the right to do what I want. But considering the fact that she might use that on me when she is in her teens makes me keeps quiet. I tried to talk to her about it and find out why she is against it. She just keep saying is not nice.

So anyone has experience anything similar and can advice me how do I talk to my gal about this and let her allow me to do my tattoo.

Do ask me why I wanna do it now. Just consider me a very late boomer in being rebellious ok? Thanks.

There is a downside to having a tattoo. You may become ineligible as a blood donor even to your own kid.

[rockexcel]

It sounds to me that she is in a state of menopause (quick, check dictionary or simply google to find out more)... don't be too happy, it happens to men too!

Encourage her to see a doctor with you together, maybe bring along your child and show that all people really care about her.

If this is not taken care at an earlier stage, depression sips in and that really kills both of you! Sorry, I do not mean to scare you... but prevention is better than cure.

[kee_hsiao]

I just wish more brothers in here would speak up or shared their journeys with their wife in here. the struggles that they have. I'm pretty sure some of us can identify the pain and the struggles.

not sure if I'm really much help here coz I only just officially joined this married men club.

anyway, like Rockexcel said, she may be going through menopause and it's going to be a real hell for everyone. that includes herself coz of her highly emotional sensitivity.

if that is so, she may requires support instead.

[balara01]

hope to find married guys here for friendship and companionship

[rockexcel]

How to keep a woman happy?

It's really not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a man

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a bug exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. Very clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate

44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments frequently

46. Love shopping

47. Be honest

48. Be very rich

49. Never stress her

50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. Give her lots of space

VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* her favorite color

* her favorite flower

* her favorite gem

* her favorite fragrance

* her favorite memories

* her favorite holidays

* her favorite friends

* her favorite vacation destinations

* her favorite beverage

* her favorite food

* her favorite restaurant

* any arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY?

Leave him alone!!!!

Edited November 8, 2012 by rockexcel

[GymStock]

It sounds to me that she is in a state of menopause (quick, check dictionary or simply google to find out more)... don't be too happy, it happens to men too!

Encourage her to see a doctor with you together, maybe bring along your child and show that all people really care about her.

If this is not taken care at an earlier stage, depression sips in and that really kills both of you! Sorry, I do not mean to scare you... but prevention is better than cure.

IS it a little too early for menopause at age 41?

[GymStock]

There is a downside to having a tattoo. You may become ineligible as a blood donor even to your own kid.

I didn't hear anything of such. where did you hear it from?

[Leanmeat]

Those of u who r Bi married but attracted to guys more, care to share the sex part w yr wife? I mean... hwo to get hard when u're more attracted to guys? will yr wife suspect yr ability to function?

[kee_hsiao]

IS it a little too early for menopause at age 41?

u will be surprise that for some women, menopause started at late 30s.... like one of my relative...

aside to Rockexcel, that post rocks yo! made my day! hahahaha.

[kee_hsiao]

Those of u who r Bi married but attracted to guys more, care to share the sex part w yr wife? I mean... hwo to get hard when u're more attracted to guys? will yr wife suspect yr ability to function?

well, since we are bi, we can get erection to both genders. just that sexually attracted to men more.

and... so long u r good on bed, she wldnt suspect a thing.

Edited November 8, 2012 by kee_hsiao

[rockexcel]

Thanks, kee_hsiao, glad that u enjoyed the hilarious post, however, don't u think there's some truth in it too?

If the rest of the readers are not against this trend, I may have some other scripts to post too. Well, how about it, readers?

As for Leanmeat, I concur with kee_hsiao's answer. For a simple example, if we like to eat chicken does not mean we do not like to eat fish or worse, we avoid fish? However, like the hokkien saying, "no fish, prawns also can" . We are not selective. Moreover, a blissful marriage does not mean just sex alone.

I do not have any statistics if any man cannot have his tool erect in front of his loved one, but chances are a man may not be able to have his tool erect in front of a person he does not like regardless of gender. Of course, there are ways to counteract this problem - turn off the lights, imagination makes it look all the same. :twisted: Bad, hor?

[rockexcel]

Oops, I got carried away, nearly forgotten about the most important person here - GymStock.

No harm to do a recognised doctor check-up with your wife if you still treat/love her as your wife. Afterall, she is right that she had gone through thick and thin with you!

Menopause is only a beginning sign of changing away from a normal life and that can be suppressed through a doctor's prescription and advice. Have you imagine or read any articles on the evil power of depression and how deadly it is? People at this state does not have the sanity to tell what is right and wrong. Worse, they don't even know what they are doing - it is alot more dangerous than senile because their imagination goes beyond your expectations and that's dangerous - sometimes to the innocent and closely love ones around him/her. Don't treat this light heartedly.

There are too many such depressed people because of the living pressure in Singapore. To experience this feeling, join the MRT crowds every morning and evening and I am sure you can see what I mean.

[kee_hsiao]

Thanks, kee_hsiao, glad that u enjoyed the hilarious post, however, don't u think there's some truth in it too?

precisely that there's some truth and that's y it's funny. do share more here and laugh off such jokes.

[rockexcel]

GymStock, I kinda feel that u may be having some problem to bring your wife to see a doctor and that is deterring or bothering you.

Let me give u a simple solution - if you are not stingy enough to find some time and some extra cash for a professional, my plan is :

1. Talk to her that if both of you want to have another baby, both need to go to the gynaecologist (KK Hosp or private) to check if both are healthy. We cannot afford to have any problems in the baby like inheritance of some disease (e.g. mongolia, etc.) Or if this does not work, tell her both of you go to a yearly blood test to check on the health status. For the good of her and yourself, then she would know you care.

2. Tell the doctor to allow you to talk in private with him/her on your concern of your wife. Then let the doctor do the rest of the procedures. Most doctors are smart enough to gather your feedback and takes precautions not to provoke the patients. I do not think you are able to fit the doctor's role.

If this way still does not work after you had put in all the effort, let us have your field report for our learning too...

[kee_hsiao]

GymStock, I kinda feel that u may be having some problem to bring your wife to see a doctor and that is deterring or bothering you.

Let me give u a simple solution - if you are not stingy enough to find some time and some extra cash for a professional, my plan is :

1. Talk to her that if both of you want to have another baby, both need to go to the gynaecologist (KK Hosp or private) to check if both are healthy. We cannot afford to have any problems in the baby like inheritance of some disease (e.g. mongolia, etc.) Or if this does not work, tell her both of you go to a yearly blood test to check on the health status. For the good of her and yourself, then she would know you care.

2. Tell the doctor to allow you to talk in private with him/her on your concern of your wife. Then let the doctor do the rest of the procedures. Most doctors are smart enough to gather your feedback and takes precautions not to provoke the patients. I do not think you are able to fit the doctor's role.

If this way still does not work after you had put in all the effort, let us have your field report for our learning too...

wow. that's a good plan!

[Kira]

I would like to know more about Married Man who are gay or bi...

[kee_hsiao]

I would like to know more about Married Man who are gay or bi...

wad do u wanna know?

[rockexcel]

Strange, the sentence sounds like, "I would like to know more about coffee which are kopi-o or kopi-c..." Why don't Kira try it personally?

[kee_hsiao]

Strange, the sentence sounds like, "I would like to know more about coffee which are kopi-o or kopi-c..." Why don't Kira try it personally?

hahahahaha. try "it" personally? lol

[rockexcel]

Seems quite quiet in this thread... what happened to all the seniors who started at the right beginning almost wild but now slowly fading away? Busy? Tired? Or fully family orientated? Don't let this thread die... this is our channel to communicate...

To cheer up everybody, let me be the joker...

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman."

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire" :smokin:

[kee_hsiao]

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman."

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire" :smokin:

hahahaha!

it's a little hard for me to check BW ever since I'm officially a married man now. gotta check it with extreme discretion. lol

[kinky kyle]

Busy busy with work, gym, runs, exploring nature, kids, wife... really got to cool off tomorrow.

[kee_hsiao]

Busy busy with work, gym, runs, exploring nature, kids, wife... really got to cool off tomorrow.

cool off?

I'm also resting at home. hahahahaha.

[frendlee]

I didn't hear anything of such. where did you hear it from?

I heard it from a friend. It's the reason why he didn't get a tattoo. Since an immediate family member (mother, father, etc) is the best source of donor blood (compatibility) he didn't want to be disqualified as blood donor because of a tattoo. He was told that those with tattoos run the risk of being disqualified as blood donors because of the use of needles. They can't verify if the needle used in your tattoo was clean so they generally don't get blood from those with tattoos. You could probably as a doctor about this.

[balara01]

hello married guys

[rockexcel]

Dying

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but typed, "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

[Guest Happy Guy]

This thread used to be quite active, but now it's so quiet.

It is just not so easy for married guys to log on to gay sites, not even using the mobile phone, just in case your wife or children uses your phone to google and ask you what is this website.

Anyway, seeking the opinion of you guys, especially those with children, for the convenience of the family traveling together, do you think it's necessary to get a car?

[Maximus]

I think it depends on where you live, and proximity to public to transport. And whether commuting time is a key. I sold my car a few years ago, thinking I could take the bus (reduce carbon footprint and all, and I had a direct bus from my door step to my office). I couldn't take it as the commuting time was three times (one way) more than when I drove. So, ended up buying a car again within three months.

From my experience, once you start to own a car, it's hard to go back to public transport.

[GymStock]

I think it depends on where you live, and proximity to public to transport. And whether commuting time is a key. I sold my car a few years ago, thinking I could take the bus (reduce carbon footprint and all, and I had a direct bus from my door step to my office). I couldn't take it as the commuting time was three times (one way) more than when I drove. So, ended up buying a car again within three months.

From my experience, once you start to own a car, it's hard to go back to public transport.

I kind of agreed. But it is just a matter of getting used to. Plan your travel well. Also maybe before you actually sell it out, do try to have a few times of taking public. I believed when we were taking public (b4 having a car), we have our own little secrets or tricks... so it is just a matter of finding those tricks/secrets again.

Edited November 18, 2012 by GymStock

[GymStock]

Anyway, following up on my tattoo thingie - Finally my daughter has agreed to let me do my tattoo. But she has a condition... I need to tattoo her name too. I have no idea how she come to that idea. haha. So I will be having my tattoo soon.

Frendlee - On having a tattoo and not able to donate blood. Seriously I doubt so. I have friends in the medical field, they say no such things. Anyway before they accept your blood, they will need test to see your blood is it is good and healthy, which they have to do for all blood donors.

As for my wife issue - she did go for a chk up with the gynea early this year and found there were something in her womb that could have blocked or limits her in conceiving. Did a small ops to remove it and gynea was like, I'm sure you can get pregnant now within the next 2 months. that statement was 5mths ago and nothing happened. I briefly spoke to her about going for check up again (this time on me) but her reply was... "I do not think there is anything wrong with you. It is just a matter of frequency". Anyway, we had a chat recently not really on this but more on the things that I am now phobia of. How she rejected me, despised me and etc for the past 5yrs. I am not sure how she come to know or realised it (probably in one of her "sisters-gatherings") so right now she is trying her best to un-do what she did to me... which I think it may (or may not) be too late...

[rockexcel]

Reading through your lines, it may be positive to the continuation of your marriage unless you do not want to give each other a chance to start a new beginning.

In whatever you decide, it is not only a matter of both parents but your little girl with the innocent soul.

Edited November 18, 2012 by rockexcel

[kee_hsiao]

As for my wife issue - she did go for a chk up with the gynea early this year and found there were something in her womb that could have blocked or limits her in conceiving. Did a small ops to remove it and gynea was like, I'm sure you can get pregnant now within the next 2 months. that statement was 5mths ago and nothing happened. I briefly spoke to her about going for check up again (this time on me) but her reply was... "I do not think there is anything wrong with you. It is just a matter of frequency". Anyway, we had a chat recently not really on this but more on the things that I am now phobia of. How she rejected me, despised me and etc for the past 5yrs. I am not sure how she come to know or realised it (probably in one of her "sisters-gatherings") so right now she is trying her best to un-do what she did to me... which I think it may (or may not) be too late...

may not be too late to salvage. give her some time bah.

[kee_hsiao]

Anyway, seeking the opinion of you guys, especially those with children, for the convenience of the family traveling together, do you think it's necessary to get a car?

having a car is very addictive... but sometimes, it is so much needed!