worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Airplane meal I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Fly and bug A fly feels a bug on its back and asks, “Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?” “I mite be,” giggles the mite. “That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” the fly groans. “What do you expect?” asks the mite. “I came up with it on the fly.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Art thief A thief tried to steal the paintings at the Louvre in Paris. He was caught two blocks away when he ran out of gas. He said, “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. But I tried because I had nothing Toulouse.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Not yet A three-year old boy examined his testicles in the bath. “Mom,” he asked, “Are these my brains?” “Not yet,” she replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Big mistake My dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday. He buried someone in the wrong plot. It was a grave mistake. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Time machine When I was a little boy, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason. Now at last I’ve managed to invent a time machine of my own, so I’m going to go back to when he was a little boy so I can punch him and see how he likes it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Voodoo doll I called my wife at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?” Sounding concerned, she said, “No.” I said, “How about now?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Rare disease The doctor looked at my test results and said, “Sir, you’ve got a very rare disease.” I said, “How rare?” He said, “You pick the name.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: An asshole A guy came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving. He was obviously really angry. He stomped across the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering to himself, “Asshole attorneys”. The guy next to him looked at him angrily and said, “Hey, I want you to know I resent that remark”. The first guy asked, “Why, are you an attorney?” “No, I’m an asshole.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: Two lawyers Two lawyers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. They then got sandwiches out of their briefcases and began to eat them. The owner of the diner marched over and said to them, “Hey! You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then swapped sandwiches. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 2, 2021 Report Share Posted August 2, 2021 Joke: A new secretary Two law partners hire a new secretary who just so happens to be young and very attractive. A contest soon arises between the two partners as to who can bed her first, even though they’re both already married. Eventually one of them succeeds and his partner is keen to find out how things went. He asks, “So what did you think?” To his surprise, the first lawyer replies, “My wife is better.” Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer finally manages to seduce the secretary. Afterwards, the first partner asks him, “So, what did you think?” The second partner replies, “You were right.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: I've Been Geesed The crowded elevator had just begun to rise when one of the young women on board screamed and said, “I’ve been geesed!” “You mean you have been goosed?” asked the man in front of her. “Listen, buddy, I know how to count!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Absolute Rest "Madam, your husband must have absolute rest." "Well, Doctor, he won't listen to me." "A very good beginning, madam, a very good beginning." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: A Taxi The Other Day I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, "Do you mind if I put some music on?" I said, "Not at all." He said, "Kiss?" I said, "Let's listen to the music first, then see how we feel." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: The Fishing Helpline I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, “I’m really hopeless at fishing and need some tips." The man said, “Okay, can you hold the line?” I said, “No.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: New Boots Grandma: "Oh, what nice new boots! Where did you get them?" Granddaughter: "At the store." Grandma: "Which one?" Granddaughter: "Both of them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Chemistry Class Chemistry classes were going on. The teacher asked a girl student, "What are nitrates?" The girl blushed and answered, "Night-rates are costlier than day rates, I can tell you that." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: That’s Discrimination My mother and father were driving when she was pulled over by the police. Mom was in a hurry and told the officer so. “I understand ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.” Mom was beside herself. “That’s discrimination!” she shouted. The officer explained calmly, “Ma'am, I meant the speed limit.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Kids Eat For Free Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free. Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Beat Up Your Dad I never got along well with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd just say, "Yeah, when?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Helmets, Pads, and Gloves My nephew came over the other day and he was wearing a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, and gloves. He said, "I'm gonna ride my bike!" I said, "Where? Through a minefield?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Re-wiring My tight-fisted neighbour doesn’t want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he’s going to try and do it himself. “How hard can it be?” he said. I think he’s in for a shock. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: When You Die A couple had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’” “Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: A chemist, a biologist and an engineer A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer had all been sentenced to death and were on death row waiting to go to the electric chair. Finally, the day had arrived. The chemist was due to go first. As he strapped him in, the executioner asked him, “Do you have anything you want to say?” The chemist replied, “No,” so the executioner flicked the switch but nothing happened. According to this State’s law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner has to be released. So the chemist was unstrapped and allowed to walk free. It was the biologist’s turn next. As he was being strapped in, the executioner asked him, “Do you have anything you want to say?” The biologist replied, “No, just get on with it” so the executioner flicked the switch, but once again nothing happened. So, just like the chemist, the biologist was released. Then the electrical engineer was brought forward. The executioner asked him, “Do you have anything you want to say?” The engineer replied, “Yes. If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might just make this thing work.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: The New Stranger After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: At police station [at Police Station] Me: I want to talk to the thief who broke into my house last night Police: Why do you want to talk to him? Me: I just want to know how he got into my house without waking up my wife. I’ve been trying it for years. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Thief A jewel thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can even pistol whip me, but please untie the rope and free her.” Thief: “You must really love your wife!” Man: “No, but she will be home shortly.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Your money or your life A thief pointed a knife at me and said, “Your money or your life” I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: I need a raise, boss I went to my boss at work and said, “I need a raise. Three other companies are after me.” He said, “Really? Which other companies are after you?” I said, “The electric company, the gas company and the phone company. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Grandparent I walked into my grandparent’s house today and much to my surprise I caught my Grandpa making love to a beautiful young blonde woman on the sofa. “What are you doing, Grandpa!” I shouted, “You promised me you’d spend your retirement money on the surgery that you desperately needed!” “I did,” he said, “Doesn’t your Grandma look great!?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Supernatural My boss asked me today, “Do you believe in life after death and the supernatural?” I replied, “Yes, I think so.” “I thought you would,” he said. “Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she phoned up to talk to you.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: You’re fired An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up. “Why did you leave that job?” asked one co-worker. “It was something my boss said,” the woman replied. “Why? What did he say?” the co-worker asked. “You’re fired.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: I’m Batman I went for a job interview today and the interviewer asked me, “What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths?” I said, “Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.” They then asked, “And your strengths?” I said, “I’m Batman.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Dress code I was called into my manager’s office today because of my dress code. He said, “You can’t wear pajamas for work.” I said, “Everyone else does.” He said, “That’s because they’re patients.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Your money or your life A thief pointed a knife at me and said, “Your money or your life” I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Interrogation A man in a police interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” The cop says, “You are the lawyer.” The lawyer replies, “Exactly, so where’s my present?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Traffic cop I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors, I win…” and I drove off. He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Hate crime? At the murder scene the first cop says to his partner, “This seems racially motivated.” The second cop replies, “Hate crime?” The first cop says, “Of course I hate crime, idiot. That’s why I’m a cop.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Nightclub toilet A cop searched me in a nightclub toilet last night and found my stash of drugs. “It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try and flush them down the toilet, somehow they always appear back in my pocket again. It must be magic.” The cop laughed and asked, “Do you really think that I’m going to believe that?” I said, “I can prove it if you want me to.” “Okay, go on then.” he smiled, as he gave me the bag of drugs. After I’d flushed them down the toilet, he looked at me with a grin and said, “Well, go on. Show me your pocket then!” “What for?” I asked. He said, “The drugs.” I said, “What drugs?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Embezzling money A banker was arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education. As the cop, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he asked the banker, “I’ve got just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2021 Report Share Posted August 3, 2021 Joke: Having an affair Paddy is talking to two of his friends at work. His first friend confides to the other two, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” The second friend then also confides, “Wow, me too! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.” Paddy thinks for a minute and then says, “You know – I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him in complete disbelief. Paddy sees them looking at him and says, “No, seriously. The other day I came home early and found a jockey under our bed.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Bee Sting My husband got stung by a bee on the forehead. He’s at the ER now, his face all swollen and bruised; he almost died. Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Sales Guy A sales guy rings the doorbell on a house, and the door is opened by a 12 year old, holding a glass of cognac and smoking a cigar. The sales guy asks, “Is your dad home?” The kid replies, “What do you think?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Early Leaver A teacher told his students, “The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early.” Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face. “Who threw that?!” the teacher shouted, angrily. “Me!” piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. “Can I leave now?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Lottery Win My wife said to me this morning, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” I said, “I’d take my half and leave you.” She said, “Great! I won $12 yesterday, here’s your $6. Stay in touch.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Scary Cemetery This girl ran up to me at the cemetery last night and said, “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk through with me?” I said, “Oh yeah of course. Don’t worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Dog Psychiatrist A Dachshund and a Labrador are walking together when the former suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Pomeranian and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the Labrador. “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Cannibal Hire A large corporation hires a tribe of cannibals and they tell them, “You have full rights as employees, but you’re not allowed to eat anybody.” Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the tribe into his office. The CEO says, “Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?” The chief of the tribe checks with his people and says, “No sir, we have not eaten anybody. It must be a coincidence.” The CEO is skeptical but he has no evidence so he dismisses the tribe. Once they are away from the other employees, the chief turns to his tribe and asks, “Okay, which one of you idiots did it?” A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hands and admits, “I ate a secretary.” The chief smacks the tribesman and yells, “You fool! We’ve been eating middle management for weeks and nobody has noticed. Then you had to go and eat someone that does actual work!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: Bacon Tree Two cowboys are lost in the desert and are on the point of starvation. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2021 Report Share Posted August 4, 2021 Joke: In the pub Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Paddy says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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