worldangel Posted June 3, 2021 Report Share Posted June 3, 2021 Joke: Some things you just can’t explain A farmer was sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?” The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. “Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.” “Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.” “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied. “So, what happened then?” the man asked. The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.” “And then?” “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.” Man laughed and said, “Again?” The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what did you do then?” the man asked. “I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.” “And then?” “Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.” “Hmmm . . . ” the man said and nodded his head. “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said. “So, what did you do?” the man asked. “Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can’t explain.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 3, 2021 Report Share Posted June 3, 2021 Joke: At the doctor’s clinic An old man goes to the doctor’s office as he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my penis,” he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.” “Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you”, he said. The receptionist replied, “You’ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.” The man walked out, waited a few minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?’ “There’s something wrong with my ear,” he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. “And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?” “I can’t piss out of it…” FattChoy 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 4, 2021 Report Share Posted June 4, 2021 Joke: Nor Gold, Nor Platinum A science teacher asks a student, "Mike if you could have any element of the element table what would it be?" Mike said, "Gold, because gold is worth a lot and I could have a Ferrari in my drive way every day." The teacher asked another student, "Johnny, what element would you choose?" Johnny said, "Platinum, because platinum is more expensive than gold and I could have a Viper in my drive way every day." The teacher asked another student, "George what element would you pick?" George said silicone. “Silicone?” the amazed teacher asked. George said, "Because my mom got some silicone and now, she has a Ferrari and a viper in her drive way." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 4, 2021 Report Share Posted June 4, 2021 Joke: Make Up Your Mind A woman with a toothache goes to visit her dentist. The dentist tells her the tooth will have to be pulled. She says, "Oh, no! I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled." The dentist replies, "Well, make up your mind. I'll have to adjust the chair." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 5, 2021 Report Share Posted June 5, 2021 Joke: Did You Hear Any Shots? An hour after checking into the motel, the guest stormed up to the front desk. “What kind of chickenshit joint are you running?” he claimed. “What’s the problem, sir?" the confused desk clerk asked. “I went up to my room, unlocked the door, and there was a man holding a gun," shouted the irate guest. “He told me to get on my knees and give him oral sex or he’d blast my brains all over the room!” “Oh my,” gasped the clerk, shocked and embarrassed. “What did you do?” The guest screamed, “Well, you didn’t hear any shots, did you?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 5, 2021 Report Share Posted June 5, 2021 Joke: Lackluster Sex Life Worried about their lackluster sex life, the young wife finally persuaded her husband to undergo hypnotic treatment. After a few sessions his sexual interest improved, but during their lovemaking, he would occasionally rush out of the bedroom. Overcome by curiosity, she followed him to the bathroom. Tiptoeing to the doorway, she saw him standing before the mirror, staring intently at himself and muttering, “She’s not my wife…. She’s not my wife….” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 6, 2021 Report Share Posted June 6, 2021 Joke: Jill's Legs A man had just opened a restaurant but he couldn't think of a name. So he decided to name it after the third person that walks in. The third person walks in and the guy asked for her name. She said, "Jill." "Well Jill, you have nice legs!" So the guy named the restaurant "Jill's Legs." A week later a drunk was laying on the sidewalk outside the restaurant when a police officer asked him what he was doing. He replied, "I'm waiting for Jill's Legs to open so I can get a bite to eat." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 6, 2021 Report Share Posted June 6, 2021 Joke: Restocking vegetables A grocer is restocking the vegetables when a woman taps him on the shoulder and says “Excuse me Sir, but where do you keep the broccoli?” The man replies “Well ma’am we’re out of broccoli today, but we get some more tomorrow so come back then.” The woman nods and walks away while the grocer continues stocking the carrots. A few minutes later the same woman taps the grocer on the shoulder and asks “Sir, I was wondering where I could find the broccoli?” Confused, the grocer says “Well ma’am we are out of broccoli today. However, we will have more tomorrow morning. Come back tomorrow.” The woman smiles and thanks him as she walks away. Shaking his head, the grocer turns his attention back to the carrots. Moments later the woman again taps him on the shoulder and asks “Pardon me, but do you know where the broccoli is?” The grocer looks at her angrily and says “Let me ask you something. How do you spell dog, like in dogmatic?” The woman replies “D-O-G” “Okay” says the grocer. “Now how do you spell cat, as in catatonic?” “C-A-T” says the woman. “Perfect” the grocer replies. “Now how do you spell fuck, like in broccoli?” Confused, the woman says “But, there is no fuck in broccoli.” The grocer says “THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YA LADY! THERE’S NO FUCKIN’ BROCCOLI!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 7, 2021 Report Share Posted June 7, 2021 Joke: Have You Seen Ilene? This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says, "Have you seen Ilene?" The guy is rather confused and asks, "Ilene who?" The bartender replies, "I lean over and you kiss my ass." Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and into the bar across the street. So, he sits down and orders a beer. While he is drinking his beer, he tells the bartender what the other bartender said to him. The bartender then told him," You know what you should do, you should go back over there and ask him if he has seen Ben. And when he says Ben who, you say 'I bend over and you kiss my ass.'" So the guy goes back across the street and asks the bartender if he has seen Ben. And the Bartender says, "Yep, He just went out the door with Ilene." The guy asks, "Ilene who?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 7, 2021 Report Share Posted June 7, 2021 Joke: I Found It Soon after a couple turns in for the night, the wife becomes aware that her husband is touching her in an unusual way. Not having had much physical contact with him for a while, she decides just to relax and enjoy herself. He runs his hands along her shoulders, then along her side, across her abdomen, down her leg, then up the inside of her leg. By this time, she is squirming with pleasure. He soon reaches down between her thighs… then abruptly stops and turns over. “Honey, why did you stop? I was just getting started,” she says. “I found the remote,” he says. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 8, 2021 Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Joke: Married couple A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye so she asks him, “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” He replies, “No. I was just thinking about how after your father found out you were pregnant, he threatened me with a shotgun that if I didn’t marry you right there and then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I would have been a free man!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 8, 2021 Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Joke: Magic lamp A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie. “I’ll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get twice as much” Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says “Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage.” The genie says “Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex-wife has 2″ Next, the man says “I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my garage” The genie says, “You now have 3 cars for your garage, your ex-wife has 6″ The man gets a smile on his face as he says his last wish,” I want to be beaten half to death!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 8, 2021 Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Joke: Dark Joke I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect! I meant “wifi”, not “wife” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 8, 2021 Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Joke: Robot A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son. The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.” Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?” Son says, “Toy Story.” The robot slaps the son. Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.” Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.” The robot slaps the mother. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 9, 2021 Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 Joke: Blonde speeding A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the lady’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked. The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.” The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said. The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 9, 2021 Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 Joke: Speeding blonde A police officer stops a blonde for speeding. He asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff: “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 9, 2021 Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 Joke: Barbie Doll A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So, he asks the assistant, as you would, “How much is Barbie?” “Well,” she says, “we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.” “Hey, hang on,” the guy asks, “why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?” “Yeah, well, it’s like this … Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture …” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 9, 2021 Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 Joke: Old lady The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?” “Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.” “But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 10, 2021 Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 Joke: Tennis Two guys are playing tennis. After they finish their game, one turns to the other and tells his friend his elbow really hurts. His friend tells him to go down to the local pharmacy. At the pharmacy they have a machine where you put in $5 and a urine sample, and the machine will tell you what’s wrong and how to cure it. The friend is astonished so he goes down. He puts in the $5 and a urine sample and the machine prints out a little sheet of paper. On the paper it says: You have tennis elbow, rest your elbow, stay away from strenuous activity, and it should go away. This guy is amazed. He drives home quickly, thinking he can test the machine. So, he grabs a big glass. He puts some tap water in, gets his wife and daughter to pee in it, and just for fun he masturbates into it. He goes back down puts in $5 and the sample. A large list print-out. It says: You have hard water get, a water softener, your daughter is addicted to heroin, get her into rehab, your wife is cheating on you, get a lawyer, and if you don’t quit masturbating your tennis elbow is never going to go away. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 10, 2021 Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 Joke: Can I have some …? A young boy and his grandfather were sitting outside enjoying the summer breeze. The boys grandfather pulled out a cigar, lit it, and puffed away contently. The boy looked at his grandfather and asked if he could take a puff. The grandfather replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?” to which the boy responded, “No sir.” “Then you are not old enough” the grandfather snapped back. A few minutes later the grandfather pulled a beer out of his cooler, and took a sip. The boy asked if he could try the beer. The grandfather replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?” to which the boy responded, “No sir.” Grandpa huffed. “Then you are not old enough.” The boy gave up and ran inside the house to go play. An hour later the boy came outside with a plate of cookies. The grandfather asked the boy, “Can I have a cookie?” The boy replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?” Grandpa laughed. “Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass.” The boy smirked. “Then go f*ck yourself, grandma made these cookies for me.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11, 2021 Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 Joke: All aboard A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her young son. He was playing with his new electric train, in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.” The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.” As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11, 2021 Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 Joke: Raisin bread A general store hires a young female clerk with a fondness for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. “I’d like some raisin bread, please,” the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which, of course, happens to be located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Right away, another guy asks for raisin bread and, then, each guy in turn is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After more than a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring down at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. “Is your raisin too?” the clerk yells testily. “No,” croaks the old man feebly, “But it’s starting to twitch.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11, 2021 Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 Joke: In heaven Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, “Heaven’s a big place. I’ll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon.” St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse. St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said before and gives this man a Ferrari because he was very faithful to his spouse. One week later, the three men all meet each other at a stop light in heaven. The first 2 men notice that the third, in his Ferrari, is crying. They ask him why. He replies, “I just passed my wife. She was riding a skateboard.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11, 2021 Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 Joke: Husband & wife texting The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She texted: If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back: I’m on the toilet. Please advise. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 12, 2021 Report Share Posted June 12, 2021 Joke: Words In My Mouth There was a guy that got married and decided to get a tattoo on his penis. The tattoo he got said "I LOVE YOU". A couple of days later his wife tells him she wants a divorce and he asks why? Then she said, "Because you're putting words into my mouth!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 12, 2021 Report Share Posted June 12, 2021 Joke: "Viens A Moi" Two women at a department store stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. “That’s nice, isn’t it?” Kim said waving her arm under her friend’s nose. “Yeah, what’s it called?” “Viens a moi.” “Viens a moi? What’s that mean?” A clerk offered some help. “Viens a moi, ladies, is French for ‘come to me.’” Kim took another sniff. “That doesn’t smell like come to me,” she said, offering her arm to her friend again. “Does that smell like come to you?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 13, 2021 Report Share Posted June 13, 2021 Joke: Ever Been Arrested? An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway... "Never got caught." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 13, 2021 Report Share Posted June 13, 2021 Joke: If I Give You A Dollar A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. And the bum says, “Mister, do you have a dollar you could spare me?” The man thinks about the question for a bit and asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to by liquor?” “No,” says the bum. The man then asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?” Again the bum says, “No.” So the man says to the bum. “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 Joke: It's Close Enough 85-year old Lucy bursts into the game-room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!” An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?” Lucy thinks a minute and says, “Close enough!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 Joke: Starting a Flood A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the sunny Caribbean. They were discussing their great vacations when the lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." That is quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer, quite puzzled, asked, "How do YOU start a flood?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 Joke: The Camera Enthusiast Judge: What is the prisoner charged with? Lawyer: He is a camera enthusiast. Judge: But you can’t put a person in jail because he is crazy about taking pictures. Lawyer: He doesn’t take pictures, your Honour, just cameras. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 Joke: Dropping A Bomb A guy asks his friend, "If you knew that they were about to drop an atomic bomb, what’s the first thing you would do?" "I would screw the first thing that moved! What would you do?" The first guy says, "I would stand very still for at least half an hour." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 Joke: Good Decision I took my bicycle to the liquor store the other day. I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So, I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision, because I fell nine times on my way home. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 Joke: The Telepathic Watch A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asks. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" "Damn, this thing must be an hour fast then." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 Joke: Screw the Boss A husband wakes up with a hangover, can't remember a thing, and asks his wife, "Dear, what happened last night?" "Oh, honey, you made an ass out of yourself in front of your boss and he got you fired." "Well, screw the boss!" "Honey, I already did... you can go back to work on Monday." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 Joke: The Self-Made Man A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?" The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man." "I am." "Well, why did you make yourself like that?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 Joke: Cut Out Wednesday A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests show nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to, "Cut out Wednesday." "I can’t," she says. "That is the only night I’m home with my husband. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 Joke: Sneezing A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first-class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to reading a magazine but, a few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming the woman had a cold, the man was curious about the shuddering, but went back to his reading. A few minutes later the woman sneezed yet again and, again, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking more than before. At this, the man said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and the shuddered violently. Are you okay? “I’m sorry if I disturbed you,” the woman replied, “but I have a very rare medical condition – whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.” “I’ve never heard of that condition,” the man said. “Are you taking anything for it?” “Yes,” the woman said. “Pepper.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Joke: Good Morning Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart in The Villages, FL. just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies, especially around a Retirement Community. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" "They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Joke: No Zoom Chat Laughter My boss always laughed at my jokes at work, but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore. She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Joke: Why Bother While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Joke: Eggplants For Sale A grocer put up a sign that read: "Eggplants, $0.25 each -- three for a dollar." All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!" Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?" "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 17, 2021 Report Share Posted June 17, 2021 Joke: Open & shut A man’s wife disappears and he’s accused of killing her. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. Not only is my client’s wife actually alive, but she’ll walk through that door in ten seconds.” An expectant silence settles over the courtroom, but nothing happens. “Think about that,” the lawyer says. “The fact that you were watching the door, expecting to see the missing woman, proves that you have a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed.” He sits down confidently, and the judge sends the jury off to deliberate. They return in ten minutes and declare the man guilty. “Guilty?” says the lawyer. “How can that be? You were all watching the door!” “Most of us were watching the door,” says the foreman. “But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn’t watching the door.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 17, 2021 Report Share Posted June 17, 2021 Joke: Did You Hear Any Shots? An hour after checking into the motel, the guest stormed up to the front desk. “What kind of chickenshit joint are you running?” he claimed. “What’s the problem, sir?" the confused desk clerk asked. “I went up to my room, unlocked the door, and there was a man holding a gun," shouted the irate guest. “He told me to get on my knees and give him oral sex or he’d blast my brains all over the room!” “Oh my,” gasped the clerk, shocked and embarrassed. “What did you do?” The guest screamed, “Well, you didn’t hear any shots, did you?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 Joke: Just Imagine the Fix “I have nine children and I’ve just found out my husband has never really loved me,” said the distraught woman to her lawyer. “There, there, my dear,” said the lawyer, trying to reassure her. “Just imagine the fix you would be in today if he had.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 Joke: A Brilliant New Invention Paul: What are you making? Arthur: A brilliant new invention. Paul: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Arthur: Go ahead and laugh. They laughed at Edison, they laughed at Bell, they laughed at Geck. Paul: Who's Geck? Arthur: You mean you never heard of Charles Geck? Paul: No, what did he invent? Arthur: Nothing, but they sure laughed at him. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 Joke: My Lucky Day She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says, “You’ve got to make love to me – this very moment!” His eyes light up and he thinks, “This is my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she says, “Thanks,” and returns to the stove. More than a little puzzle he asks, “What was that all about?” She explains, “The egg timer’s broken.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 Joke: No Smoking A man has a small penis and is embarrassed to tell his girlfriend, so he says to her, "Let’s play a game. You take off your clothes, shut your eyes, and let me feel a body part, and guess which part it is." She said, "Ok." So, they went in to the bedroom. She took her top off and let her boyfriend feel her breasts. He guessed the right part and said, "All right, my turn. Close your eyes." He takes his pants off and puts his penis in her hand. She quickly pulls her hand away and says, "What are you doing? You know I don't smoke!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 19, 2021 Report Share Posted June 19, 2021 Joke: Sharks Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did. “Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did. “Now we eat everybody.” And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just Eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?” His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 19, 2021 Report Share Posted June 19, 2021 Joke: You've Given Me A Gift At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..." Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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