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Posted

Joke: LGBTQ

 

Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for…

 

I can never get a straight answer.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Shipping Magnate

If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate.

 

If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate.

 

What do you call someone who makes their fortune selling fridges?

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: About The Menu…

I said to the waitress, “Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

 

She said, “The men I please are none of your business!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Sorry For The Delay

I went to the doctor’s today and when I walked in, she said, “I’m sorry about your wait.”

 

I said, “So am I but it’s okay, I’ve been fat all my life.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Valentine’s Day Flowers

My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine’s Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”

 

I replied, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Bathroom Break

On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”

A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Homework help...

Dad, will you help me with my homework?"

"I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right."

"Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: An insurance agent's wife was ...

An insurance agent's wife was learning to drive when the brakes failed.

 

"What should I do?" she cried. "Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: My daughter went to a local Taco...

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: At the doctor

I went to my doctor yesterday. After a long wait in the outer office, my name was finally called.

 

When I got into the examining room, the nurse pointed to the scale and said, “I need to get your weight today.”

I immediately replied, “One hour and 5 minutes.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Human Body

My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.

 

I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: About My Spine

Do you remember the joke I told you recently about my spine?

 

It was about a weak back.

 

I re-labelled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack.

 

I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin…

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Cinema Food

If I had a dollar for every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food…

 

I could almost afford a small popcorn.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Welcome Back

“Welcome back everybody” is apparently not a good way to start a speech…

 

If you’re the best man at your friend’s second wedding.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Electron Thief

I was arrested the other day for stealing people’s electrons.

 

I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Bee Buyer

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees.

 

All the bees had price tags on them except one.

 

It was a freebie.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Picked Up by the Fuzz


“Hey, lover,” said the hipster to the beautiful chick he’d just met. “Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” 

“No,” she answered, “but I bet it hurts like hell.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Getting Head Tonight


A man approaches a lady at the bar, ready with his best pickup line. "Excuse me, miss?" 

"Yes?" 

"If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head tonight?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: I Have A Soar Throat


A blonde goes to the doctor’s office, sits down, and says, “I have a sore throat.” 

The doctor gets out his penlight and says, “Open wide.” 

She says, “I can’t. The chair has arms.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: New Gun

I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

 

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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