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Joke: The Bearded Man


From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.


"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.


"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: How You Earned It A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I

Joke: First sperm   Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights. One day, all the other sperms asked him,

Joke: Gourmet Reporter A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe.   He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a

Joke: Behind the wheel...


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!"

"NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A teenage boy and his grandfather


A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.


Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"


Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: It's late, the bartender and a...


It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?"

 

The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"


The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me $100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else.

The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and proceeds to spit everywhere at lightning speed.

 

The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: One day a little girl was sitting ...


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.


She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."


The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Old enough to do as I please


A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"


The father answered immediately, "I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: The New National Symbol


The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed. It just doesn’t get more accurate than that.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Counting with Fingers


TEACHER: "Brian, what's one plus one?"

The kid holds up his fingers and counts two.

BRIAN: "Two!"

TEACHER: "Good job, what's three plus three?"

The kid holds up his fingers and counts six.

BRIAN: "Six!"

TEACHER: "Good job, now put your hands in your pocket and tell me what's five plus five?"

The kid put his hands in his pocket and starts counting in his head and tells the teacher.

BRIAN: "Eleven!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: One Way Or Another


A new bride deciding that she had had enough of her husband’s physical attention for a while, attempted to put him off by telling him, “It’s that time of the month.”

When he attempted another route, she said she suffered from diarrhea. A third alternate was met with the excuse of pyorrhea.

Gritting his teeth, the husband muttered, “Blood or mud, I’m riding tonight!”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Sex With Our Eyes


A young girl is feeling under the weather so she goes to the family doctor. “Young lady,” says the doctor, “you’re pregnant.”

“But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists, and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.”

“Well, my dear,” said the physician, “someone in that colony is cock-eyed.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Does She Close Her Eyes?


Two buddies at the bar, drinking away, were comparing the sexual behaviour of their spouses. “Hey,” one asked, “does your wife close her eyes when you’re having sex with her?”

“She sure does,” replied the other. “She just can’t stand to watch me having a good time.”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Checking the Rear


The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office.

 

He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.

 

He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

"Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: The Art of Marketing Wine
 

A New York importer consulted the wine list at an in in the Chateau district of France. She was surprised to note that the wines of poor years were priced very much higher than those of good years.

"It is for your compatriots, who usually know nothing about wines," the proprietor explained. "They always order the most expensive. Thus we sell them our poor wines and save the best for our regular clients.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Work of Six Men
 

During an interview, the young lady interviewing for the position was surprised to hear the HR manager say he was looking for someone "to do the work of six men."

The lady replied: "That's a shame. I was looking for a full-time job."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: That’s Intelligence
 

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, ''Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?''

''I don't know,'' responded the other.

''I'll ask him. ''So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. ''Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?''

''Intelligence,'' the boss said.

“What do you mean, 'intelligence'?''

The boss said, ''Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.''

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, ''That's intelligence!''

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, ''What did he say?''

''He said we are down here because of intelligence.''

''What's intelligence?'' said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, ''Take your shovel and hit my hand.'

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Lion Tamer Experience
 

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience.

The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

The man said, "I was looking for my father."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: How To Run Your Fire Truck


A firefighter is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a Firefighter's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The firefighter says, "Hey, little girl, whatcha doing?"

The little girl says, "I'm a firefighter and this is my Fire truck!"

The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the firefighter says.

"Thanks, mister" says the little girl. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the little girl had tied the wagon to the dog's testicles.

"Little girl," says the firefighter, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck, I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: The Other $50 Dollars 


Seventy-year-old Mr. Larson went to see his doctor. "Doc,” he said, “I need something which will enable me to get an erection. What can you do?"

The doctor gave the man a shot of potency drug, but only charged him $50.00 for the office visit.

A few days later, thrilled with the results, Mr. Larson returned for a second injection. Only this time, before leaving, he gave the doctor a crisp $100 bill.

“But the bill is only $50.00,” said the doctor.

“I know,” he winked. “The other $50.00 is from my wife.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Ditzy Blonde


"How lovely you look, my dear!" gushed a wedding guest to the bride.

And then she whispered, "Whatever happened to that dizzy blonde your groom used to date?"

"I dyed my hair," replied the bride.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: The Most Boring Party


“That was the most boring party I’ve ever been to,” complained the glamorous young fashion editor to her roommate. “Goodness was it dull.”

“But you stayed quite a while, didn’t you?” asked her roommate.

“Yes. But only because I could not find my clothes!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What Do You Know?


A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman as he smiled smugly, "How about global warming; universal health care; or stimulus packages?"

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Arnold and his wife were cleaning out …


Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.


"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.


He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"


"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Doctor, you must help me....


A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.

The aged Gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath. . . . doctor, I'm very concerned!

 

The doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said,: "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gent's response was, "Well. . . three times last night, and twice again this morning!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A man walks over the Red Light


A man walks over the Redlight District when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and asks, "So, what does this cost?"


The hooker replies, "25 dollars."


The man said, "Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulated windows."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Grudge Pregnancy


A man told the doctor, "My wife’s pregnant, but we haven’t had sex in over a year. I don’t understand it."

The doctor said, "It’s what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy."

"What’s a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well, somebody’s obviously had it in for you."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Two children were sitting outside a clinic


Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?


1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I have come for my urine test

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A man enters a drugstore ….


A man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms.
The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
The man replies, "I do not know."


Well, take this board with holes and go to the bathroom and measure.
In 10 minutes the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I have changed my mind I don't need the condoms. How much is this board"?

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Gift


On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

 

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.


"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Circle of flies....


A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

 

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.


The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?' The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'
 

So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'

The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'

The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'

The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Coffee Maker


The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.


A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A woman was found guilty in traffic court ...


A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher.

 

The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."


He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A famous visitor to an asylum


A famous visitor to an asylum tries to make a phone call, but it doesn't go through.

 

After trying to get help from the operator, without luck, the exasperated visitor shouts, "Listen, do you know who I am?!"


Calmly, the operator answers, "No, but I know WHERE you are."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A man walks in a bank, pulls out gun ...
 

A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...
Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"


The customer replies, "YES!"


The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him in the head and kills him!


He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"


The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: A woman was found guilty in traffic ...


A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher.

 

The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."


He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What happened here???


A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded.

"What happened here?" he asks.

"I think the waterbed busted," says the trembling wife.

Just then a guy floats by.

"Who's that?" demands the husband.

"I dunno. Must be a lifeguard."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: After the Office Party


John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.


After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: This Wife Is Too Jealous


There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"


The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A man wakes up one morning to...


A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So, he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."


He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.


"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."


He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Drunk date


A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand.


He then orders a second round of shots, drinks the first and again dumps the second on his right hand.

The bartender sees this and becomes curious as the guy orders a third round and does the exact same thing.

So the bartender asks the guy, "Hey man, I hope you don't mind me asking but why the waste of good drinks?"

So the man says, "I have to get my date drunk."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A programmer was walking along


A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared who stated, "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."


The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said, "I'd like there to be a just and lasting peace among the people in the Middle East."


The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."


The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, let them ask for sensible changes before I start writing the programs and no changes after I start."


Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The juggler

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Catsup


A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle.

 

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

"It's the minister, Mommy" the child said to her mother.

Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I'm Bending Over  


Two kids decided to dress up as a cow for Halloween. After hours of arguing who was going to be the head and the rear, they decided to flip a coin and the argument was settled.

While crossing a farmer’s field in their costume the boy that was in the rear says, "What's that snort you are making?"

The boy in the front says, "I'm not snorting," and swings his big cow head around and spots this huge bulls racing towards them. He says, "Don’t panic! But we got a problem behind us coming up fast... It’s a big bull."

After a second or two the kid in the rear says, "What are we going to do?"

The kid in the front replies, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to bend over and eat some grass."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: That's Just Frost


A man is driving down an Alaskan road and his car breaks down. He phones the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrive shortly after.

The service man opens the hood and after a while says, “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.”

The man replies, “No... that’s jus frost on my mustache.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: I Have Three Points


A maid asks for a raise. The lady of the house asks, "Why do you think you deserve one?"

The maid answers, "I have three points. First, I iron better than you."

The boss asks, "Who says?"

"Your husband. Second, I cook better than you."

The boss asks, "Who says?"

“Your husband. Lastly, I am a better lover than you."

Angry, the lady of the house questions, "Who said that?"

The maid replies, "The gardener."

"How much more would you like?" asks the boss.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What Happens To the Asshole


A young academic decided to do a paper on the sexual habits of housewives. She knocks on the door of this young beautiful woman and tells her what she is doing and is invited in.

Her first question was how many times a weeks she has sex. As many as possible was the answer.

"And what happens to your asshole when you orgasm?"

"I really don’t know. It only happens when the pool man is here and the asshole is away playing golf."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: My Husband Wanted Me To Ask 


Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it," Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Like A McDonald's Hamburger


One day a man who was cross with his wife said to her, "You are like a McDonalds hamburger… cheap, fat and greasy!"

The wife replies in a vigorous rage, "And you are like a toilet... either taking a piss, looking like crap, or full of shit!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What Was That? 


A man and his foreign wife are having sex. When finished she stands up and lets out an extremely loud fart.

Her husband says, “Honey, what in the world was that?"

His foreign wife replies, “Front side so happy, backside laughs out loud!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Sit With My Wife


An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead pussy."

The bus driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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